Hamzah Wald Maqbul – Blame 4 Ramadan 1444 Late Night Majlis
AI: Summary ©
The book on Malama to Blame uses various examples and ideas, including the belief that blame is a form of love, the belief that it is a result of pride, and the belief that it is a way of love. The path of blame is based on the natural makeup of the person, individual Ythic makeup, political status, and behavior. The importance of self-esteem and acknowledging one's actions to avoid sin and avoid blame is emphasized. The transcript describes a personal experience of a man who experienced a difficult relationship and apologizes, and describes his journey to write a book and become a successful author.
AI: Summary ©
So we continue
reading from the.
The sheikh's description,
concerning the doctrines held by the different groups
of Sufis.
So we
move to the
the next archetype, which is to
Allah
using malamat,
censure
of
the self
and blame of the self as a driver.
And so he, the sheikh
typifies this tariq by
the teachings of the sheikh,
Hamdun,
Al Qasar.
So he says the Kasaris, they're the followers
of Abu Salih Hamdun,
Ahmed bin Omarab Al Kasar,
a celebrated theologian and eminent Sufi.
His doctrine was the manifestation
and divulgation of blame.
Divulgation, I looked it up in the dictionary.
It means, it means to
show something to the world that will make
people not like you, basically. Divulgation means to
divulge something,
and so the, like, divulgation is that blame
is to show something to the world that
this is gonna make people not like you.
He used to say God's knowledge of you
is better than men's knowledge,
I e, your dealings with god in private
should be better than your dealings with men
in public,
for your preoccupation with men is the greatest
veil between you and god.
I have given some account of Al Qasar
in the chapter on blame.
He relates the following story.
Once when I was walking in the riverbed,
in the hira quarter of Nishapur
by the way, so you asked about the
era. Right? This is this book is written
kind of like in the Bustan, like the
the the complete, like,
peak of enjoyment of Muslim civilization
after the
the
conquest of the and
complete untouchability
of Islam,
and the development of
different sciences
and different intellectual and cultural practices and norms,
but before all of that was trashed by
the Mongols.
So he says that he says that he
says that I was walking in the riverbed
in the headquarter of Nishapur. Nishapur is where
Imam Muslim is from.
I met Nuh,
a man from Nishapur famous for his generosity.
I said to him, what is generosity?
He replied, my generosity of your or yours.
I said, describe both.
He replied,
I put off the the coat,
the Kaaba and wear the patch frock. The
patch frock is the kirta. So this is
a little bit of explanation. Kaaba is like
the the coat that a normal person would
wear. So they say that some like, peculiarity
of, like, Imam Messiah is that he used
to wear
And so, Al Haraf Ibn Muskeen thought that
this guy is, like, one of the muhabarat.
Because, like, he said, why does this guy
come into the Darce of the because there's
this particular dress that these students of knowledge
in the masha'if have. There's a particular address
that the Sufis have. Right?
And then there's a particular address that normal
people or businessmen have, farmers, etcetera. You could
tell a lot by a person by the
way that he dressed. He said, I took
off the the Kaaba and wear the,
meaning, what, the the the the garb of
the,
of the Sufis, and practice the conduct appropriate
to that garment in order that I may
become a Sufi and refrain from sin because
of the shame I feel before,
god.
Meaning what?
Fake it till you make it. Dress like
a righteous person, and then, like, you know,
people say, oh, look at you. You have
a beard. Look. How don't you feel bad
like smoking a cigarette or whatever? So he's
just it's that. He said, I
I wear the the the the garb of
the Sufis. I took off the garb of
normal people and put on the garb of
Sufis so that I could feel some shame,
and it will protect me from,
from committing sin.
He said, but you have put off the
patch rock in order that you may not
be deceived by men, and men men may
not be deceived by you.
Accordingly, my generosity is formal observance of the
religious law while your generosity is the spiritual
observance of truth. This is a very sound
principle.
So with this, I wanted to go back.
He has, like, a whole special a separate
section in which he, in more detail,
explains what the nature of of Malama is,
what the nature of Malama to blame is.
We'll say Malama to the purpose of this
Darce in the sense that the original work
is actually in Persian, even though it's it
really is one of the first books written
on the science of Tasawwuf.
And there's a Persian language tradition of riding
on Tasawwuf, which is just as old, if
not older than the Arabic tradition. And in
many ways, the Arabic tradition actually mimics the
Persian style rather than the other way around,
because of the people who who wrote on
this, on this topic. This is a practical
topic. It's not theoretical. It's practical. It's not
like one of the formal sciences. You could
write a book in Urdu about Quran or
whatever it is. What's that all about? But
this is something has to do with, like,
practical experience. So people, you know, found more
utility in in expressing themselves in their own
language.
So he says the chapter on Malamat on
blame,
the path of blame has been trodden by
some of the Sufi sheiks. Blame has great
effect in making love sincere.
He says the followers of the Haqq are
distinguished by there being objects of vulgar blame,
especially the imminent ones of this community.
The Rasool was
an exemplary leader of the adherence of the
Haqq,
and who marches at the head of the
lovers of God, was honored and held in
good repute by all until
the evidence of the Haqq was revealed to
him and inspiration came upon him. Then the
people loosened their tongues to blame him. Some
said he well, Riad Abillah, he's a soothsaver
a soothsayer, and others said he's a poet,
and others said he's a madman and others
said he's a liar and so forth.
And god says describing the true believers, they
fear not the blame of anyone.
That is the grace of God which he
bestows on whoever he pleases. God is bounteous
and wise.
The 59th
verse according to Nicholson, the 59th verse of,
which
we haven't got to yet, but we're almost
there. Tomorrow. Tomorrow.
Such is the ordinance of God that he
causes those who discourse of him to be
blamed by the whole world, but he preserves
their hearts from being preoccupied
by the world's blame.
This he does in his jealousy. He guards
his lovers from, glancing aside to others. Lest
the eye of any stranger, behold the beauty
of their state. He guards them also from
seeing themselves, lest they should regard their own
beauty and fall into self conceit and arrogance.
Therefore, he has set the vulgar over them
to lose tongues of blame against them,
and has made, the blaming soul, the as
part of their composition in order that they
may be blamed for others
by others for whatever they do, and by
themselves for doing evil or for doing good
imperfectly,
which is we're talking about. That's the idea
of, like, Toba. Toba is not just from
sins that a person said, well, I didn't
eat pork today, so I don't have anything
to make Toba from. Right? That he shows
the person that that even that they also
blame themselves for doing good imperfectly.
Now and this is a firm principle, in
the, the the path, the tariq to
Allah in as much as the path,
has no taint or veil more difficult to
remove than self conceit than a person's arrogance.
God and his kindness has barred the way
of error against his friends. Their actions, however,
good are not approved by the vulgar,
who do not see them as they really
are. And they see themselves,
or and they themselves do not regard, their
works, of Mujahada
and mortification, however numerous, they may be as
proceeding from their own strength and power. Consequently,
they are not pleased with themselves and are
protected from conceit.
Whoever is approved by god is disapproved by
the vulgar, and whoever whoever is elected by
himself is not amongst the elect of god.
This is, like,
one sentence completely demolishes
the whole, like, model of Islam that's probably
been taught to all of us that have
grown up in America,
so it bears repetition. He says, whoever is
approved by god is disapproved by the vulgar.
So there goes all of, all of our
followers on Twitter and Facebook and TikTok.
Right? He said, whoever is approved by God
is disapproved by the. You move your fist
like that. I swear to God, people, they
say things like, oh, man. If we could
just get so and so in the masjid,
you know, then they would, like,
you know, pack the house and it'd be
amazing. And I'd be like, you know, who'll
get more people than so and so, like,
whatever movie star or basketball player that you
wanna get in the message? Just get a
stripper. I promise you the entire message. There'll
be, like, even no place to stand in
the parking lot.
As horrible as it is, it's a vulgar
thing say. He's literally saying
this. Right? He says what? Whoever is
approved by god is disapproved by the vulgar.
And whoever is elected by himself is not
amongst the elect of God. There's so like,
so much self help weirdness, like, floating around.
Look.
Not having any self esteem and hating yourself
is a problem as well. It's an extreme.
But it should be treated like that, and
it should be diagnosed and not made the
mainstream discourse of how we teach people, Dean.
The idea is that a person who has,
like, a proper composition should be able to
have enough confidence to be to do things
in life
and not second guess themselves to the point
where they don't believe that 2 +2 is
4 just because they thought it.
But on the flip side, you know, like,
you can't make that the default because no
no society is ever gonna
result in anything if that's the default.
That's being put forward now more and more
as a default state of all people by
the people who are, like, the puppet masters
pulling the strings. Because there's an interest in
the elite that runs the
society,
convincing everybody else to look. You guys are
all crazy, and you guys need us to
help run things for
you.
I don't think it's that deep when it
comes to, like, stuff that happens in the
masajid or in the Muslim space. It's not
that deep. We're just mimicking like somebody else,
like there's party A is trying to scam,
party B, and we're like party C trying
to mimic them because we have no creativity
and no imagination of our own. Umma as
being something of itself that doesn't have to
look anywhere other than Allah and His Rasool
for,
for inspiration and for guidance.
He says, and whoever is elected by himself
is not amongst the elect of god. Thus,
Iblis was approved by mankind and accepted by
the angels and pleased with himself. But since
God was not pleased with him, their their
approval only brought a curse upon him. Adam,
on the other hand, alayhis salam, was approved
by the angels who said, will you place
on the earth the one who will do
evil therein?
And was not pleased with himself for he
said, oh, lord, we have done wrong, to
ourselves.
But since god was pleased with him, the
disapproval of the angels and his own displeasure
also bore the fruit of mercy.
Let all men therefore know that those accepted
by us are rejected by the people,
and those accepted by the people are rejected
by us.
Hence, blame of mankind is the food of
the friends of God because because it is
the token of divine approval. It is the
delight of the saints of God because it
is a sign of nearness to him. They
rejoice in it even as other men rejoice
in popularity.
There's a tradition that says that the messenger
of Allah, salallahu alayhi wasalam, received
this knowledge from the angel Jibreel alayhi wasalam,
that God said, my friends
are under my cloak. Save me. None knows
them except for my friends.
And then he discourses on the nature of
blame. He says, now blame, Malamat, is of
3 kinds. It may result from the following.
1st, the right way,
second,
from an intentional act,
and 3rd, from the abandonment of the sacred
law.
The first,
in the first case, a man is blamed
who minds his own business
and performs his religious duty and does not
admit the practice of devotion.
He's entirely indifferent to the behavior of people
toward him. In the second case, a man
is greatly honored by the people and pointed
out amongst them.
His heart inclines to the honor in which
he is held, and he becomes attached to
those by whom it is bestowed.
He wishes to make himself independent of them
and devote himself wholly to god. Therefore, he
he purposely incurs their blame by committing some
act which is offensive to them, but is
no violation of the sacred law. In consequence,
of his behavior, they wash their hands of
him. So the first case is what? A
person's doing what's right, and people hate on
him for that.
The second case is what? A person is
doing what's right, but people love him and
he doesn't want he doesn't he doesn't want
he likes the love of people, but he
doesn't want that to be his driver. So
he'll do something that's not necessarily haram,
but that will annoy people so that they
just go away and let him,
not have to be tested with people's,
with people's,
adulation.
In the 3rd case, a man is driven
by his natural infidelity, and erroneous believes to
abandon the sacred law and abjure its observances
and say to himself, I am treading the
path of blame.
In this case, his behavior depends on himself
alone. So the third one is someone who
just, like, does,
like, wrong things and says, oh, look what
a big Sufi I am.
He who follows the right way and refuses
to act hypocritically and refrains from ostentation pays
no heed to the blame of the vulgar,
but invariably takes his own course.
It is all one to him,
whatever name they call him by. I find
amongst the anecdotes of the holy men of
God that one day the sheikh Abu Taher
Haramim
was seen in the bazaar riding a donkey,
and attended by one of his disciples.
Someone cried out, oh, here comes this old
free thinker.
That used to be, like, not a compliment
back in the day. There's a little context.
Right? So here comes that old free thinker.
The indignant disciple rushed at the speaker trying
to strike him, and the whole bazaar was
filled with tumult.
The sheikh said to his disciple, if if
you will be quiet, I will show you
something that will save you from trouble of
this sort.
When they returned home, he bade the disciple
to bring him a certain box which contained
letters.
Like, you know, like, you write to somebody
letters, not like ABC letters.
Which contained letters and told him
to look at them. Observe, he said, how
the writers addressed me. 1 calls me Sheikh
Islam, the other calls me the pure Sheikh,
another says the Sheikh Zahid,
Asadeq Sheikh, and other says the sheikh of
the 2 sanctuaries and so on so on
and so forth.
They are all titles. There's no mention of
my name.
I'm none of these things, but every person
gives me the title which accords their belief
concerning me. If that poor fellow did the
same now, why would you quarrel with him?
He who incurs blame purposely and resigns honor
and withdraws from authority is like the Khalifa
Uthman,
who although he possessed 400 slaves, one day
came forth from his plantation of date palms
carrying a bundle of firewood on his head.
On being asked why he did this, he
answered, I wish to make trial of myself.
He would not let the dignity which he
enjoyed hinder him from any work. A similar
tale is related of Imam Abu Hanifa, which
will be found in this treatise.
Again, we can't read the entire book in
one night or or even in 1 majlis,
but, one like said of majalis. But,
one of the interesting things about this book
is when he has, like, extensive,
covering of the of the sufia, he mentions
that the
the the imams the imams of are also
sheikhs of the sheikhs of of as well.
Imams of the so if it's just that
their names don't show up in the because
of,
so as to cut the the sills down
shorter.
And the story is told about Bayezid Bustami.
Bayezid Bustami will talk about his study next
after
the.
He said in the story he's talked about
Bayezid that when he was entering Re'y,
on his way from Hejaz. So he's coming
from
the Haram in Sharifin and he's going to
Re'y'y is like basically, it was like
a a part it's a part of what's
now Tehran.
But before the Mongols destroyed it, Rey was
the big city. Right? So if someone is
a Razi, it's from that from that place.
Obviously, the the the took it over at
a later time. Otherwise, it was a a
great, a great,
metropolis of the.
A story is told that when he was
entering Rey on his way from Hijaz,
the people of that city ran to him
in order that they may show him honor.
Their attentions distracted him and turned his thoughts
away from God. When he came to the
bazaar, he took out a loaf of bread
from his, things and began to eat. They
all left him because it was the month
of Ramadan.
He said to a disciple who was traveling
with him, you see, as soon as I
perform a single article of the sacred law,
they all reject me.
In those days, it was necessary for incurring
blame to do something disapproved or extraordinary. But
in our time, if anyone desires blame,
he need only lengthen a little bit his
voluntary prayers or fulfill some religious practices which
are prescribed all at once. Everyone will call
him a hypocrite and an imposter.
Like, it makes it easy for us.
If that was for him, imagine, like,
Illinois.
He he who abandons the law and commits
an irreligious act and says he is following
the rule of blame, is guilty of manifest
wrong and wickedness and self indulgence.
There are many in the present age who
seek popularity by this means, forgetting that one
must already have gained popularity before deliberately acting
in such a way as to make the
people reject him. Otherwise, his making himself unpopular
is a mere pretext for winning popularity.
This is an important point.
There are some people who do this. They
make a big show out of, like, you
know, the how they get the only how
they get crucified for their opinions or whatever.
The only thing is that they do things
in, like, the most gross and you know,
vulgar way possible.
They don't
don't speak any truth that nobody else is
speaking. They don't do anything that's,
you know, benefiting anybody, say anything that's benefiting
anybody. They just make a freak show out
of it. And then people say, oh, look,
this person but they have a good point.
Making a freak show of yourself for no
reason is not, you know or do it
in a way that causes more harm than
than good is not what the point of
this is.
He says what? That a person is making
himself unpopular as a mere pretext for winning
popularity.
On a certain occasion, I was in the
company of one of these vain pretenders.
He committed a wicked act and excused himself
by saying that he did it for the
sake of blame.
One of the party said, that is nonsense.
He heaved a sigh. I said to him,
if you claim to be a malamati and
are firm in your belief, then this gentleman's
disapproval of what you did,
ought to encourage you to persevere since he
has second you in your chosen course. Why
are you so unfriendly and angry with him?
Your behavior is more like pretense than pursuit
of blame. Whoever claims to be guided by
the truth must give some proof of his
assertion and the proof consistent observing the sunnah
of the prophet
You make this claim, and yet I see
that you have failed to perform your obligatory
religious duty. Your conduct puts you outside of
the pale of Islam.
So you see, Masha'Allah,
you know,
the sheikh was like a a a real
he's.
He says the doctrine of blame has spread
abroad, in this
group, in this age by the sheikh Hamdoun
Qasar.
He has many fine sayings on the subject.
It is recorded that he said that
Blame is
abandonment of one's own welfare.
If anyone
purposely abandons his own welfare and girds himself
to endure misfortune and renounces his pleasure and
familiar ties and hopes that the glory of
god will be revealed to him, the more
he is separated from mankind, the more he
is united
with God. According to the voters of blame,
turn, their backs on that thing, namely,
welfare,
to which the people of this world turn
their faces,
for the aspirations of the former
are, Wahdani. They're only one. Aspiration is only
one of such people.
Ahmed bin Fatiq relates that Hussein bin Mansur
Al Hallav said in reply to the question,
who is a Sufi? He said, he who
is single in his essence.
Hamdun also said concerning blame.
It is a hard way for the vulgar
to follow,
but I will tell one part thereof. The
malamati, the person of blame is characterized
by the hopes of the and the fear
of the Qadir.
This saying has a hidden meaning, which demands
explanation. The are those people who they said,
oh, well, you know, we do whatever we
want, good or bad. Our faith will save
us anyway.
And the are the people who both of
them are like a heterodox
group. Right? We say that a person's sin
is not gonna make them go to *
forever, but we we caution people that it's
not that it doesn't harm you at all.
Whereas the, the the
the the the the are the people who
say, no, I control my own destiny. I
create my
my own acts. They deny predestination. This saying
has hidden meaning which demands explanation.
It is the true nature of man to
be deterred by popularity more than any other
thing from seeking access to God. I mean,
like, losing popularity is something that makes people
afraid of seeking access to God.
Maybe some of us ourselves suffer from this.
Consequently, he who fears this danger is always
striving to avoid it. There are 2 perils
which confront him. First, the fear that he
may be veiled from God by favor of
his fellow creatures.
And secondly,
the fear of committing some act for which
the people will blame him and thereby fall
into
sin, which is a legitimate concern.
Accordingly, the Malamati from this first
in the first instance, take care to have
no quarrel with people for what they say
of him, neither in this world or the
next, for the sake of his own salvation.
He must commit some act which legally is
neither a kabira nor sahira, a great sin
nor a trivial offense,
in order that the people may reject him.
Hence, his fear in matters of conduct,
is like the fear of the Qadris,
meaning that he he doesn't fear like that,
fear that other people will have an effect
on him, that he he makes his own
he makes his own destiny for himself.
And his hope in dealing with, those who
blame him is like the hope of the.
In true love, there is nothing sweeter than
blame because blame of the beloved makes no
impression on the lover's heart. He heeds not
what strangers say,
for his heart is ever faithful to the
object of his love. To sweet to be
reviled for passion's sake.
This group, meaning the Sufis, are distinguished above
all creatures in the universe by choosing to
be blamed in the body, the physical body
on account of the welfare of their souls.
What did he say? So this group is
are distinguished above all creatures in the universe.
By choosing to be blamed in the body
on account of the welfare of their souls.
And this high degree is not attained even
by the,
by the
noble angels of proximity of the lord nor
by any other spiritual beings,
nor has it been reached by the ascetics,
devotees,
or seekers of God belonging to the nations
of antiquity.
But it is reserved for those of this
nation who journey on the path, of entire
severance from the things of this world.
In my opinion, to seek blame is mere
ostentation. Now he's telling his he first he
talked about Hamdul Qasr's
kind of archetype of how used the concept
of blame to drive a person's salute toward
Allah, now he gives his opinion about it.
He says, in my opinion, to seek blame
is mere ostentation,
and ostentation is mere hypocrisy.
The ostentatious man purposely acts in such a
way as to win the popularity of people,
while the person of Malamat
purposely acts in a way such that the
people reject him. Both have their thoughts fixed
on mankind and do not pass beyond the
sphere.
The true dervish on the contrary never even
thinks of mankind. And when his heart has
been broken away from them, he is indifferent
to their rep reprobation
as to their favor.
He moves,
unfettered and free.
I once said to him, pervs, a Malamati
of Transoxiana,
with whom I had associated long enough to
feel ease.
Oh, brother, what is your object in these
perverse actions? He replied to make people non
existent in regards to myself.
The people, I said, are many, and during
a lifetime, you will not be able to
make all of them nonexistence in regard nonexistence
in regards to yourself.
Rather, make yourself nonexistence in regards to the
people so that you may be saved from
all of this trouble.
Some who are occupied with the people, imagine
that the people are occupied with them.
If you wish no one to see you,
do not see yourself. Since all of your
evils arise from seeing yourself, what business have
you with others? If a sick man whose
remedy lies in abstinence seeks to indulge his
appetite, he's a fool.
Others, again, practice this method of blame from
an ascetic motive. They wish to be despised
by the people in order so that they
may mortify themselves,
in order to quash the nafs. And it
is their greatest delight to find themselves wretched
and abased. So you mentioned the
an anecdote of Ibrahim and Adham who has
asked the Sultan,
one of the great, his name appears in,
the
amongst a number of other salassa. He was
one of the great of the ancient times.
Ibrahim bin Adam was asked, have you ever
attained your desire?
He answered yes twice. On one occasion, I
was on a ship where nobody knew who
I was. I was clad in common clothes
and my hair was long. And my guys
was such that all the people mocked and
laughed at me, and so you didn't look
dignified to them.
Amongst them was a buffoon who was always
coming and pulling my hair and tearing it
out and treating me with,
contumely. I I get to
look this up like insult.
After the manner of people of his kind.
At the time, I felt entirely satisfied, and
I rejoiced with my garb. My joy reached
its highest pitch one day when the buffoon
rose from his place
and super may,
minks it.
He didn't translate it from Latin. He he
translated into Latin. He didn't write in English.
Apparently, the guy just urinated
on
him just to, like, just just like to
just be a jerk to him.
So
so that this this this man, like, completely,
like, disrespected me so much that, alhamdulillah, my
nafs was, like, put in check. Right? So
that was one time. The second occasion,
I arrived at a village,
in heavy rain, which had soaked my patched
frock on my body, and I was overcome
by wintry cold, just like kind of it
is right now outside.
I went to a masjid and was refused
to admit this. This has happened to me
in the winter too, by the way, by
the when I was studying and traveling.
Slept outside.
The same thing happened at, the other mosques
where I sought shelter. In despair, as the
cold strengthened its grip on my heart, I
entered a bathout a bathhouse and drew out
my lower garment to the stove.
The smoke enveloped me and blackened my clothes
in my face. Then I also felt entirely
satisfied. So, finally, the nafs is in check.
Once I, Ali bin Uthman al Jullabi remember
I told you he he does that because
some people don't like Jack's book. He says,
once I, Ali bin Uthman al Jullabi,
found myself in a difficulty. After many devotional
exercises undertaken in the hope of clearing it
away,
I repaired,
as I had done with success on a
former occasion to the Mazar of Abu Yazid
of Bayezid Bustami and stayed there for a
space of 3 months. So basically, he has
a issue in his saluk. Right?
He didn't mention what it is. But, like,
people have issues with their someone
falls in love with a woman, somebody, like,
wants to eat something ham, somebody wants like,
hate somebody, whatever it is. God knows what
it might be. But like I said, this
is one of the things I really, like,
admire about the author of this book.
He's very he doesn't try to be like
with
people. He's, like, very real about, like, how
difficult because that's what when you really try
to make salut toward Allah rather than fake,
like,
you know, like, TV
primproper shaykh and then, like, you know, that
you have this idea that maybe you, like,
rub him and, like,
you get good luck from rubbing him like
a leprechaun or something. Right? So he said,
I had a problem. He doesn't even mention
what it is, which means probably embarrassing.
Right? So I had a problem,
and I had no way of, like it
just wasn't getting better. So I I thought
I'll go visit the Mazar of Bayezid Bistami.
And, for 3 months, I was
there, doing my,
devotions and my my, and
my
my,
attempt to cleanse myself from whatever this problem
is. Performing everyday ghusl 3 times and wudu
30 times in the hope that my difficulty
might be removed.
It was not, however,
to be so, so I journeyed after that
toward Quran. This is not a sunnah, by
the way. This is these are practices of
people that have, you know,
that they they they help them at some
times. And this time, he's saying it didn't
it didn't help.
So the point is he's not he's not
saying you do this. He's just saying that
I was trying it basically trying anything I
could to to to get get this thing
done.
So he says that, it wasn't it didn't
work. So for 3 months until I departed
toward Khorasan.
1 night, I arrived at a village in
that country where there was a convent, a
kanta,
inhabited by a number of aspirants to Tasawwuf.
I was wearing a dark blue frock,
which was prescribed by the sunnah, meaning it
was Masnun garb,
but
had with me nothing that of the Sufis'
regular equipment. So I wasn't looking Sufi enough
for them,
except for a staff in a, leather and
water bottle. I appeared very contemptible in the
eyes of these Sufis, who did not know
me. They regarded me,
by my external habit and said to one
another, this fellow is not one of us.
And so in truth it was. I was
not one of them.
But I had to pass the night in
that place. They lodged me on a place
in the roof while they themselves went to
another roof higher than that and set before
me dry bread which had turned green.
While I was drawing in,
to my nostrils, the savor, of the food
which they had regaled themselves with.
All the time, they were addressing me with
derisive remarks from the roof.
When they finished their food and began to
pelt me with the skins of the melons
which they had eaten, by way of showing
how pleased they were with themselves and how
lightly they thought of me, I said in
my heart, oh, lord god, was it not
that they are wearing the dress of your
friends? I would have never born this from
them.
So he wasn't like, oh, I forgive them
and all. No. He was like
he was like, if they, you know, if
they if this wasn't, you know, some sort
of, like, place where, like, somebody's at least
trying to act like they're here for their
own slot, like, I would have completely, like,
not, like, lost it with them.
And the more they scoffed at me, the
more glad my heart became so that the
endurance of this burden was the means for
delivering me from that difficulty, which I had
mentioned