Haleh Banani – Mastering Peaceful Persuasion- The Art of Negotiation in Love
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AI: Transcript ©
Welcome back, everyone, to the Mindful Hearts Academy.
Please give me a thumbs up if you
can see me and you can hear me,
and we're gonna get started. It is so
good to be back,
If you can let me know, and we'll
get started.
A thumbs up.
Sister Aisha, if you could give me a
thumbs up, and we'll
get started.
You know, it's so good to be back
and to
continue with our conflict resolutions. It's like a
lot of hate on. You know, in every
relationship,
there will be a point where you have
to negotiate. You're gonna have differences
of opinion,
whether it's in your marriage, whether it's with
your children, with your family members, with your
colleagues.
And if you don't have the right skills,
those discussions can very easily turn into a
fight.
And if you don't have the right skills,
you won't ever get your way in a
very diplomatic
and fair way.
So what we're going to discuss today
is,
like, peaceful
persuasion.
We're not gonna
force anyone. We're not gonna fight. We're not
gonna do anything dysfunctional because there are some
people who use dysfunctional
tactics.
They cry and they have a fit, and
they will have tantrums in order to get
their way. Or others will sit there and
ignore the people
and be very mad and give a silent
treatment. How many people
do you know who behave this way when
things don't go their way? When they wanna
get their way,
they either have a fit
or they give you the silent treatment. Tell
me now.
So good to have you all here. I
miss you all. I miss the mindful hearts,
and I can't wait for us to get
started again. So do you feel that most
people,
use the tactic of exploding,
getting angry, and making everyone, like, succumb to
them, or is it more of the silent
treatment?
So
now when you get into it,
who is ready to learn the skills
of conflict resolution
in persuading the other person. This is such
a critical skill to have. If you have
it, your life will go smoothly. Your relationships
will,
you know, will just grow,
and, also, you will be able to,
get the things that you're really wanting.
And so we're going to get right into
it, Insha Allah.
Alright. Let's do it like this. Alright. So
what do you think are some of the
common
mistakes
in personal negotiations? Now, as always, I ask
you to be involved, to engage, to, you
know, give me answers, get that energy. That
way, I will feed off of your energy,
and you will benefit the most. So what
do you think are some of the common
mistakes? What do people do when, let's say,
they get into an argument with their spouse?
If you write it in the comment section,
what do they end up doing that,
messes everything up? Can you think about it
in your own relationships?
What seems to be a common
mistake?
So some of the common mistakes,
let's go like this. 1 is avoiding the
issue. Right? There are some people who are
just like, you know what?
I don't wanna deal with it. I know.
A lot of men do this. Right?
A lot of men may have attendance like,
oh my god. I do not want
a 3 hour fight. So let's just pretend
there is no problem.
How many of you can relate to this?
How many of you have experienced this or
you do it yourself?
Right? It's just like we're gonna pretend there's
no problem.
And, you know, I've been doing the counseling,
Alhamdulillah,
for 3 decades. I've worked with thousands of
people, and I see this reoccurring
time and time again. I see that the
downfall of people is not having conflict resolution.
I would very confidently
say over 90% of the people have no
clue how to resolve conflict very confidently
because people can be amazing. They can be
wonderful until a conflict arises, and then you
see people's true colors. Right? You see the
immaturity.
You see the attacks.
You see the shutdown
being cut off. You could have a friendship.
You could have family members that you have
taken care of, you have loved, you have
nurtured
for decades
and one wrong move, and what happens?
Right? They just cut it cut the person
off. So one of the main mistakes is
avoiding the issue, taking things personally. Right? Let's
say you're telling them
about something that is bothering you or you're
just trying to be open and honest and
they will become so offended. Right? Or there
could be a lack of clear communication.
Oh, well, I thought you knew. I you
know, you what do you mean? You don't
read my mind? What is wrong with you?
You needed a course on how to read
my mind. It's been 10 years.
Right? A lot of times, we expect the
person in our lives to, like, read our
mind. How could you not know it? So
we don't communicate.
And then focusing on winning rather than resolving.
Right? There are people out there who just
take it so seriously
and it's
about, you know, they're very competitive.
I'm a competitive person. I like to take
things on seriously,
but not in conflict resolution.
It's not a win lose
because if you
see it that way, you just wanna defeat
the other person.
And we can't have that mindset. We'll talk
about having the right mindset. But first, we're
gonna talk about the common mistakes.
And then
the,
the last part is neglecting the emotional needs.
Right?
Neglecting emotional needs. So,
let's see.
Sister Fatima is saying getting defensive.
Okay. So that's a common thing. And coming
into discussion defensive. Right. Yeah. That is one
of the biggest issues is that people
just are defensive. They're not ready to hear
it. As soon as they hear something, they
feel it's an attack, so they immediately and
I always ask this. I go, if someone
throws a punch at you, what do you
do in return? And it's to defend. Right?
So some people say hit right back.
I say, well, you haven't taken martial arts.
Right? So you have to defend first.
So we need to really look at this
and see
how can we
overcome these common mistakes. So we're gonna take
them 1 by 1 Insha'Allah. Okay?
So the first one
is, you know, avoiding the issue.
Avoiding the issue. This seems to be this
is the easy way out. Right? It's like,
yeah, we're just gonna
pretend there is nothing going on.
Let's pretend we don't have to make this
big decision about moving,
you know, making
this big decision about,
you know, our financial
situation,
and and we're just gonna pretend. Right? And
that that is it seems to be a
very common mistake.
So what is the issue? When you ignore
the problems, what ends up happening, they lead
to unresolved issues
and there's growing resentment because, like, oh my
god. I'm mad at this. We have a
problem. It's not getting solved, and by ignoring
it, it's not gonna magically go away. Right?
So what is the solution? We have to
address the problems
openly and honestly.
You cannot ignore.
Right?
It will not go away.
So we have to definitely
make that effort. What's the other? What's the
next,
mistake that happens? Taking things personally.
Right? It's like a person is coming to
you. Maybe it's your children. Right? They're coming
and saying,
feel like you're always angry. Right? And then
you're, I'm always angry. What are you talking
about?
And then it's like, okay.
Alright. Mom is not into self reflection.
She's not into fixing herself. Let's just, what
happens,
avoid.
So
what
taking things personally, like, let's say your spouse
is talking about, you know, I really I
feel ignored. What do you mean I'm working
so hard? Why are you ignored all that?
You're gonna and it just they become very,
very defensive.
So when it conflicts,
when they feel like personal
attacks,
that's what leads to defensiveness. So we're gonna
talk about
this
from both sides. Right? 1, it's the it's
the delivery. So you don't wanna throw punches
because if you throw punches, we said someone's
gonna,
be defensive.
We're not gonna throw punches, and we have
to be receptive.
We have to understand.
You know, it it is a really good
sign
when, for instance, your spouse wants to say
what the problems are. Right?
I had one couple that the, you know,
the husband
likes to tell the wife, for instance, you
know, I like you. I like you to
dress this way or I like you to
do this, and it became, like, you know,
she became very offended.
And and I said, you know, it's really
good that he's communicating these things to you.
He wants to inform you. He wants to
give you the key
to his heart. And if you get upset
every time, what's gonna happen? And that's why
he's like, I just I I don't wanna
share anymore. Right? And one of the biggest
problems
and one of the biggest complaints that women
make is, like, oh, my my husband shuts
down.
He stonewalls me. He doesn't share. Does that
sound common? Does that sound like something that
you guys usually,
you know, you you face
in the sense that the maybe the man
is shut down and is not,
is not sharing. Let's see what the sister
is saying. I know.
Let's see.
Okay. I know you can't do the work
for others, but how do you move past
the shock and the pain of someone
having resentment
towards you and choosing to sever ties because
of it? I'm not a mind reader.
Exactly. None of us are.
But the thing is
because people don't know how to resolve issues,
they just
prefer
to cut people off, and it's it's un
Islamic.
It is immature,
and we really need to know how to
handle this better. Now what I have seen
is that
there are times when a person will attempt
to fix a relationship
and they will make that effort, but that
other person
will you know, is just not being,
cooperative
Not being cooperative. So you have to kind
of look at it,
look at yourself
very objectively, being being very honest with yourself.
Have you been reactionary
when they bring up a problem?
Have you been receptive
to criticism?
Because if you have a tendency to be
defensive, if you have a tendency to explode,
if you have a tendency to,
be sad and and and, you know, maybe
get very emotional,
then they feel like, well, maybe I can't,
you know, I can't really share, so then
they cut off. So you have to just
really look look at that. Okay? So the
solution
is to focus on
focus on the problem,
not the people involved. Right? So you're looking
at it as, okay, here is our problem.
I'm not going to take this personally.
And, really, in life,
if you can get into the habit of
not taking things personally, like the person
who, who cut you off, the clerk who
has an attitude. It's not always something that
they have against you. Maybe
they they were just fired.
Maybe
they just had a fight with their spouse.
Maybe they found out that they have cancer.
Like, you you don't know. You don't know
what people are going through. So if you
stop taking things personally, guess what? You're gonna
live a more peaceful life. Okay?
So,
now,
so you can't
solve problems
if you're just avoiding them, and this is
what a lot of people
do, and there is, like, a lack of
clear communication.
There's a lack of clear communication.
People are just
expecting you to be a mind reader. Right?
And there's vague or unclear communication.
Right? And that can make conflict worse. A
lot of times, this happens in marriages where
person will be like, well, I I didn't
really I don't know. I didn't I don't
remember you saying that. Or they try to
be indirect because they're so afraid. They're they're
walking on eggshells, so they're like, I don't
wanna kinda say it directly because she may
explode, so I'm just gonna tiptoe.
And a lot of times, women feel that
about men who have anger issues or, like,
like, you know, how do I stay at
a roundabout way? But the solution is to
be clear
and specific
about your thoughts
and then listen actively. So you have to
be clear in what you're communicating. You're not
throwing punches. You're not attacking so the person
doesn't become defensive,
and you also listen very carefully.
Okay?
And then so it's focusing
another the another problem is when people focus
on winning
rather than resolving. Right?
And many times, I find that people think
they are at war when they talk about
their their spouse, when they talk about their
children, when when,
when the children are talking about their parents.
It is like this is the,
this is the enemy, and I have to
I have to win. I have to beat
them. And this is so destructive. So trying
to win the argument
can lead to ongoing conflict. You're not even
listening. You're just like, I'm right. You're wrong.
And then you're just not even being reasonable
or logical. It's just like, I'm right. And
you find that there's some people and when
you watch this,
it's,
oh my gosh, it can be so frustrating.
And sometimes you're doing it and maybe you're
not even realizing it because it's kinda like,
la la la. You had your fingers in
your ears and you just don't wanna listen,
and you just are adamant about your position
because you're like, I have to win. Right?
And even when the other side is making
sense, even if they're providing
Dalil,
providing proof. They are giving very logical explanations,
and you're just still like, la la la.
You don't because you feel like, oh, I
can't give in because I'm gonna lose.
So this is very critical, and we have
to change it. The solution is work together
to find a solution that works for everyone,
not about winning, losing.
And many times,
when I'm doing marriage counseling, I find this
is actually
it's just surprising
how
easy it can be. Right? Because what yeah.
They're fighting. They're so mad at each other,
and they're like, she's saying this is my
way, and he's saying this is my way.
And then as soon as I say, how
can he compromise?
What can you do that both of you
can be happy? Suddenly, the answer comes.
It's as simple as that. It's this idea
the problem is when someone is just adamant
about this is the only way, and I'm
gonna push, push, push, push, push until I
get my way. This is this is so
ineffective,
and it'll lead to fights. It'll lead to
arguments. It will lead to just being very
frustrated all the time.
Okay? Let's see.
What tips do you have
to not take things personally in the moment?
A stranger was very rude to me once,
and I instantly reacted. Afterwards, I was shocked
at how upset I got. It was a
stranger. Who cares?
Okay. Very good point.
You know, we get triggered by different things,
and it's important to know what our triggers
are. Okay?
And, you know, one of the things that
we do here, like, on the Mindful Hearts
Academy, this is why it's such a it's
a powerful, powerful platform
because we're learning
to become the best version of ourself. We
are learning that, yes, we do have flaws.
Yes, we do have shortcomings and insecurities,
but how can we overcome them? Right? And
just the fact that you are asking, like,
oh my gosh. I realized that this was
wrong. This is, like, this is you're so
much
further ahead than most people who don't even
realize
they did anything wrong. They will just be
like, oh my god. What's wrong with this
person? They have a problem. Yeah. They're
psycho. So the fact that you're questioning yourself
is is very powerful. What you could do
is start looking at what are your triggers.
What makes you react, what was it about
that specifically
that triggered you, and then start working on
yourself, and then start looking at the lessons
on the Mindful Hearts Academy. Every week, we
have something that we're focusing on and look
and see which one applies. Right? The one
you know, the lesson we did level 2
on insecurities.
That's that's a really critical one.
And in that,
we're talking about how to overcome insecurities because
a insecure person is the one who will
get defensive.
Okay? So that very good point. It's just
looking at yourself, knowing what your insecurities are,
working on them, and really not reacting. Right?
Someone says something,
really reflect on it.
Think of your response. That was that's one
of the most powerful lessons I learned
from my mother, Alaia Hamha, and my grandmother
as they always said,
just
think about your responses. And they were one
of the most
diplomatic people.
I saw them take very difficult situations.
You know, my mom had 10 sister in
laws, Marshall. Some people can't handle 1. Right?
Ten sister in laws, and they all loved
and adored her, and they were like polar
opposites. Okay? It's not like they were all
like, oh, we all get along. We're all
the same. No. But the fact is that
she was always
so
cautious and mindful, I would say mindful,
about what she said and how she said
it. So the more you reflect, the more
you stay quiet, the more you have control
over your emotions,
the more you are going to
manage
these, like, the relationships in your life. Okay?
Alright.
So then it's about neglecting emotional needs.
Right? That's another mistake that happens, neglecting emotional
needs
and
ignoring the feelings. What it does is that
it makes you feel hurt and and
and it leads to misunderstandings.
Right? A lot of times people are, I
don't care. I don't care. She's mad again.
She's sad again. She's crying again.
And I I see it sometimes, like, within
the session, the wife starts crying,
and the other you know, the wife is
crying, and then the husband is just looking
at her. I'm like, shows you know, just
show some love.
Make her feel
that you care about her. Just looking at
someone's like, like, it must suck to, be
sad. Right? You have to, like, really you
can't ignore the feelings.
Solution, acknowledge, and address each other's emotion.
So you could just be more aware and
don't try to yeah. Don't question.
Right? Don't question, like, oh, why? I don't
understand. Like, why are you mad? Oh, you're
wrong to be mad. Oh, you're wrong to
be hurt. Like, what is that?
Like, we're in the book of conflict resolution.
Is it okay
to tell someone their emotions are wrong? Right?
How do you deal with a husband who
can be like that? Who can be like
what?
Ignoring your emotions?
You you know, it's about
what I find that is very helpful because
sometimes when you just say,
hey. You need to do this, they don't
you know, they may not get it. But,
for instance, when I have a couple come
in and I listen
and I start giving pointers and then they're
also going through my my marriage program, the
5 pillars of marriage,
and then they start watching the lessons,
it's like something clicks.
They're getting that information from someone other than
their spouse. Because I'm sure we've all been
guilty of this, where when our spouse says
something, we're just like, la la la. We're,
like, not tuning in. We're not taking it
seriously. But when someone else says it, suddenly,
we take it seriously. I mean, I've been
guilty of that. I remember my husband talking
about intermittent fasting. Oh my god. For a
year, intermittent fasting. Let's do it. Let's do
it. Let's do it. I wasn't interested. I
wasn't taking action. Then I go to lunch
with a friend,
and she was getting ready for her, you
know, her daughter's big wedding. And she did
intermittent fasting, lost £20, and I was just
suddenly interested. I came home, and I'm like,
oh my god. I wanna try
and he's like, seriously?
Right? Because, you know, we just sometimes we
tune at our spouse, But when it comes
from a different source so, for instance, going
through the marriage program and, sister Aisha, if
you could put that link
to 5 pillars of marriage for anyone who
may need this and you need because we
can just talk about this for a limited
amount of time. But if someone really has
issues in their marriage or if you know
someone who's really struggling with their marriage and
and you don't know what to tell them.
You know, sometimes a person can complain for
an hour and you I'm like, I don't
know what to tell you. You know? I
feel bad. But you could refer them to
going through the program together, and it truly
opens their eyes. And I've had so many
of,
the the male clients say, my gosh. I
I binge watch this because it's like whatever
I learn, I apply it with my spouse.
And it's like, my god, I get such
a different response.
And so,
it it can be a very, it can
be very, very helpful. Okay.
Let's see. Yes. That empathy and rahma is
so important to show your spouse. Definitely. Definitely.
I feel like crying can be viewed as
using your emotions to manipulate
the situation
and garner sympathy. I think that's why people
hesitate to comfort or
comfort or validate the feelings of someone.
True. True. Sometimes people think it's manipulative, but
you have to show that concern.
It's really important. When you just are disconnected
and you don't act like you care about
the person,
then,
it it just does not foster understanding.
Alright?
So
why is this one stretched out? Why do
they look like that? We don't know. I
don't know.
How to call I'll cultivate
the right
mindset for conflict resolution.
You have, like, mindset
everything.
You know, in
in real estate, the buzzword is what? Location,
location, location.
In psychology,
the buzzword is
mindset, mindset, mindset. You've got to have the
right mindset.
If you don't go into
a negotiation, if you don't go into a
conflict resolution with the right mindset, you're gonna
fail. Okay?
So thank you,
sister Aisha, for putting
this. For those of you who are struggling
with your marriage or you know someone who's
struggling,
make sure that,
you you take advantage of this unit. Having
the course because your your spouse can hear
it very differently when it comes from someone
else,
rather than yourself. Okay?
Alright. So what is the right mindset
to have? Okay?
You have to cultivate the right mindset. 1st,
you have to adopt a collaborative
attitude. It has to be like, I'm here,
you know, and it's more like, I wanna
understand you,
I wanna work with you,
not this me versus you. Right? So that
that's very critical to have that right, you
know, that right mindset.
2nd,
you need to embrace empathy.
You need to embrace it. And showing that
you care,
having the
Right? Allah has put this
and rahma, the the love and the mercy.
And how much do you show it? How
much do you show it to your spouse?
Right? Staying calm and composed. Now we're gonna
take each of these and go into it
further, give more
explanation, because, as you know, I like to
give the
how. A lot of times, people talk theoretically.
They just say, hey, sister, like, be more
patient.
Oh, yeah. Overcome your insecurities, but how? Right?
How do we do this? And I'm gonna
get into giving you more details. Staying calm
and composed. You guys,
whoever
is spazzing out,
they're the one with the issue, or they
come across as the one with the issue.
If you stay composed,
you're calm, you're not losing it, you're not
yelling, screaming,
then you are definitely
you
have control of your emotions. That's so critical.
Maintain open communication.
Okay? You're not hiding. You're not avoiding. You're
not exploding. You're just you are communicating, and
you focus on the issue, not the person.
You're not attacking the person. A lot of
times, people become very cruel and they start
name calling,
they start telling the person,
you know, like, you they're lazy. You're
indifferent.
You just you and and these things lead
to a lot of resentment.
You could, let's say, for instance, look at
the fact that, oh, okay. This place is
a mess, not that you're lazy for not
keeping it clean.
The bill has not been paid,
not you I can't rely on you and
anything. Right? These are very critical
to keep in
mind. Now which one do you think
is the hardest for you? Very quickly, tell
me.
Which one do you find? Is it having
a collaborative
attitude? Is it being empathetic?
Is it the idea of being calm
or having open communication or focusing on the
issue, not the person? I'm very curious to
see.
Okay.
Does ADHD
affect conflict?
Absolutely.
Yes.
Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. ADHD
does
affect conflict resolution because the person is gonna
be distracted.
They're gonna look like they don't care
where they're just not focusing,
and they can they can forget the issues.
They can forget what they promised. So, definitely,
they can. The 5 pillars of marriage was
truly eye
opening and incredibly helpful. I
approached them with great seriousness, treating the videos
as a course. I took notes and have
implemented the skills. Sister Fatima, give me a
high five. Whoo.
What a beautiful testimony. Sister
Aisha. If you could, copy that and put
it on our testimonies because that's an amazing
one. I'm
so glad
that,
techniques into my marriage, I'm so glad that
you benefited. And, really, anyone who goes through
it and takes it seriously, it is a
course, and there are exercises.
And if you if you go with an
open mind, open heart, apply it,
I guarantee that you're gonna see results. And
if not not just in your marriage, but
in all relationships. That's what I hear is
that people will tell me, oh my god,
all my relationships
got better.
Please like and share the video to get
the algorithm.
Thank you. Yes. Please.
Say hello.
Say maybe where you're tuning in from,
and, I would really appreciate that. Thank you
for that reminder.
Alright. Moving right along. Okay?
So now adopt a collaborative
attitude. What is that? So you have to
come in with this I'm like, I wanna
focus on finding mutual
solutions, not just winning. Not winning the argument.
Okay?
And I had this,
lovely, lovely Swiss Italian neighbor,
Rashida, who embraced Islam,
And she would always say with her sweet
voice, she's like, win the hearts, not the
arguments.
I loved it. I love it. And it's
so true.
When you win when you're focused on winning
someone's heart and it's not about winning an
argument. Right? May Allah have mercy on her
husband. He passed away a few years ago,
and they're, like, madly in love,
and they were the first people that I
went to Umrah with
and just,
thought about them a lot. This, we we,
had
the blessing of going for Umrah,
and I I made so much to offer
them because they they were the people we
went with the first time. So see the
other party as a partner in problem solving,
not your enemy.
Can we all write that in the comment
section? Everyone write this so that it gets
ingrained.
Okay?
See the other
party
as a partner. They are not your enemy.
I have to say that to a client
who, you know, they
her family was looking out for her.
They she has some health issues, and they're
trying to get her help. I said, they're
not your enemy. They care about you. Your
enemy is, like, they they they don't care.
They don't want they don't wanna help you.
Right? So we really have to recognize that
the people in our lives are not their
are enemies. Now I understand some people act
like it. They're like, well, you don't know
my husband. You don't know my kids. You
don't know my in laws.
I get it. Okay?
But this is to help you have the
right mindset.
If you have the right mindset that I'm
here
to collaborate, I'm here to resolve, I'm not
here to duke it out with you. It
really makes a big difference. Okay?
Embrace empathy.
Isn't that a beautiful picture? Embrace
empathy.
You really, really have to start
looking
and feeling
what others go through, and that's really hard
for some people.
Some people really do not have the skills
to sit in someone else's emotion.
I, you know, I had
I had someone that anytime I shared anything
with them, it would just, like they just
would, like, kinda, like, slide over it and
go right into something about themself.
And, you know, I would just say, like,
I'm I'm sharing something,
let's say, emotional or something difficult. Oh, yeah.
And I have to plan a party. Like,
hello?
Hello? Are you are you listening? You know?
And I and I just would tell her
that
it's really good to sit
in that emotion for a minute without it
becoming about you.
And she admitted it that she's she's like,
I don't have any empathy. And I was
very honest I was very honest, and she's
like, how can I
be empathetic when I really don't have it
in my heart?
And so it was, like, about learning. I
said, okay. Well, you can at least learn
to have the right behavior.
When someone is telling you that they are,
overwhelmed,
they had, like, this problem,
sit in it. What do I mean by
that? It's just saying it I mean, just
expressing the fact that that must be really
difficult. That's that's all you gotta do. Like,
validate.
Validate. Like, it's like, that must be really
hurtful. Oh my god. That must be very
stressful. Oh my gosh. And and just
feel for the other person.
Even if you don't feel it,
say
say the right things. Do the right things.
Okay?
Because
when you quickly make it about yourself,
then you're telling the other person, I don't
really care about you. Okay?
Alright.
So let's see. See the other party.
Thank you. Excellent. See the other party as
a partner, not the enemy. Good job. Good
job for writing it and getting that across.
Going through divorce because of my soon to
be ex husband
anger issues. Some people just don't wanna change.
I'm sorry that
you're going through the divorce, upon a lot,
and it's been difficult because of the anger
issues. You know? But sometimes sometimes divorce
is necessary.
And sometimes when I work with individuals
and we really put in the effort, and
2 people just are not able to get
on the same page. I see getting a
divorce just as successful
as improving the marriage. Sometimes,
like, you are not living in a dysfunctional
household. The kids are not seeing a dysfunctional
relationship.
So, you know,
may Allah
bless you with
peace and something better.
Can we all make dua? Like, just put
a, like did you know the prayer? You
know how everyone puts this as the prayer
signal?
It's apparently high five. I just learned this.
So let's do this.
Let's do this
and not give high five because we're seeing
all these horrible things
online, on social media, and everyone's like, it's
this is high fiving. It's so funny. I
never knew that. Alright. See the other party
as a partner, not your enemy. See, we're
gonna keep saying it, repeating it so that
everyone can get that clear. Right? I'm really
struggling to have empathy for someone who hurt
me. I can understand their circumstances and why
they react that way, but after a certain
age, people are responsible for their healing. They
are absolutely right. You're absolutely right that people
are responsible for their healing, and it is
hard to see someone be so
so immature.
And you guys image like, maturity has nothing
to do with age. You can see people
senior citizens,
and they are still
acting like an 8 year old. And it's
just it's just sad. It really is sad,
but that's that's the reality of it. And
individuals
who are
not doing the internal work, you know, I
hear on the Mindful Hearts Academy, our mentorship
program, it's all about doing the internal work.
You know, the prophet
has said that the heaviest thing on the
scale
is what? It's not the prayer. It's not
the zakat.
It's not,
the jihad. It's not
giving,
in in charity.
The heaviest thing what is the heaviest thing
on the scale? Can you all write it
down?
The heaviest
thing on the scale, the prophet
said
who's gonna get it? I'm gonna have a
sip of water.
It's a good character. No one wrote it.
Good job. Okay. Assessed it. Alright.
I mean, may Allah make it easy for
her. Good character. Right? And how do you
get a good character?
Because do we have so many people who
pray and who read Quran and who memorize
and and give lectures and have hadiths memorized,
and they sound eloquent, and they look innocent.
And and the reality is their character is
horrible.
Horrible.
The people closest to them
will
can talk and just,
expose
how horrible they are. Right? Because they haven't
done the inner work.
Those of you who are actually doing the
inner work by doing the mindful hearts account
and by getting And those of you, if
you're on here and you're not part of
the community, we'd love to have you as
part of the community. Or if you know
friends or family members who are struggling,
and you don't know what to tell them.
You know, week after week, they're complaining about
the same things.
You have them, invite them,
tell them to, you know, be a part
of this so that they can work on
themselves.
The divorce has been taking 4 years because
of his disagreeable nature.
You so done with it. Literally, may Allah
help us all. Oh my goodness. I can't
imagine it taking 4 years. May Allah make
it easy and may this be a source
of a lot of good deeds, InshaAllah. You
know, when someone goes through divorce, and I'll
just say this,
as a as a side issue,
is that is when you're really being tested.
Right?
You are your character is being tested
and the shaytan is gonna come at you.
And there's so many people, so many people
who are they're good and they have, you
know, they may have the knowledge, but they
totally lose it when they're going through divorce
because the ego, right, the ego gets involved
and it becomes about, I gotta win, and
so I'll destroy the other person. And then
they're getting advice from ruthless lawyers a lot
of time that they're just like they see
you as a dollar sign. It's all about,
like, you know, let's let's crush him. Let's
get him for what he's got and this
whole mindset. So
being god conscious and doing a divorce,
not slandering the person, not,
destroying the person financially, like, all of that,
like, that is a very difficult test that
very few people
pass.
I've
hardly ever seen
individuals who can go through this
without,
like, the shaytan totally
taking over.
I and I've seen it in interestingly enough.
Sometimes, people,
they may not be as religious, but then
they will uphold the the right character.
And those
who may be so religious,
they become the most vicious
towards their ex, and it's just it is
it's unbelievable.
Allah. May Allah protect us, protect our children
from these kind of spouses
that will,
literally, they will destroy they will destroy your
life. So may Allah make it easier
for you.
It can be challenging when your partner doesn't
invest as much effort as you do. My
husband attended counseling with me, but he hasn't
taken the course yet,
not due to a lack of willingness,
to change.
Yes. It is difficult.
Okay. But he has because he has ADHD.
Okay.
Well, that's that's,
nice of you to acknowledge that it's not
that he doesn't wanna change, but he's just
it's hard.
Right?
So kinda so this is the link to
mindful hearts if anyone,
wants to share it. You know, you share
it with your friends, people. And, you know,
when you grow together, it is amazing.
I've been in halakas, like, the halakah that
changed my life
over, like, gosh, I guess,
how many years ago? Like, over 25 years
ago,
group of sisters,
we would meet every Thursday night Here, we're
meeting on Thursdays.
And just the fact that we were, you
know, like minded individuals, we're working on the
dean, and we're just connecting,
it just it helped us to grow exponentially.
And I've actually
always tried to recreate that by having whether
it was the halafas I had in Dubai
or halakas in Egypt. And now the Mindful
Hearts Academy, it's it's all about creating that
safe environment
so you learn, you grow,
and you become better.
So,
have you ever had to make the decision
to not let someone back into your life,
not because you are holding a grudge, but
because you have made the hard decision that
their absence is better for you.
Yeah. Absolutely.
Absolutely. That that has happened. You
have to be careful that it's not someone
like Salat Ibrahim. It's not a family member.
Right? Family member, we can't cut off,
but you can limit your exposure. You don't
have to be best friends with someone. You
don't have to talk to them or see
them every day.
But sometimes with friendship,
yeah, it, you know, it does happen that
way.
How does body language of pet communication
and interpersonal
relationships?
A lot. Right? Because,
you know, when when I'm looking at someone
that I'm doing sessions with,
If their body language matches what they're saying,
then that's great. That means there's congruence. There's
congruence. I say
what I believe in. Okay?
But if they say the right things and
their body language is different, I listen to
the body language.
Right? So if someone is like this, it's
like, yeah. I'm totally I I am totally
at peace with this. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The
in laws can come and stay for a
month. I I really don't have an issue
with this at all. Like or maybe they're
saying it the right way, but it's just
the body language. Right? Yeah. They could come.
I don't I don't mind them staying for
a month.
You have to listen to the body language.
So it is very, very critical.
Let's see. Crying for missing him, over
crying. What? Crying for missing him, over crying
because of him all day every day. Aw.
May Allah heal your heart, and may Allah
really give you that peace and tranquility, sister,
that if we can we can show some
love
to our sister going through such a difficult,
difficult time. It is a it's very, very
difficult.
So embrace and then put yourself in the
other person's shoes to understand their feelings and
perspective. Really try to understand where this person
is coming from and validate their emotions. Right?
And show genuine concern.
When you validate, it's just like the examples
I gave. Like, it must be so difficult.
It must be so hard going through this
divorce right now. Such an easy thing to
do, and it will bring so much closure.
Stay calm and composed.
This might be the hardest. Right?
This might be the hardest for most people.
This idea of staying calm and composed.
Right? Keep your emotions in check
to prevent escalation and defensiveness. So you gotta
really be aware of your emotions. I mean,
you know, unfortunately,
this is the downfall of a lot of
women,
not being in control of their emotions,
just losing it, whether it's exploding,
explosive anger,
or just crying.
And and, like you were saying, sometimes people
use that as manipulation
or just being so overwhelmed.
I guarantee that if you're doing the inner
work, if you're overcoming your insecurities, if you
go through, what, level 1 on mindful arts
academy,
was it phase
3, emotional
intelligence?
And then phase 4, which is,
how to control negative emotions.
If you go through those and you really
embody those lessons, it will change you.
You will really become
more in control,
and you won't be at the mercy
of your emotions.
You can take deep breaths or brief pauses
to maintain composure during heated moments. Okay?
And in
in lesson 4, I think it's,
phase 4. Right?
Level 1,
that there's a whole, like, okay. This is
a very brief
explanation.
Take a deep breath, but there's so much
more to it. How do you deal with
your negative emotions? So if that's an issue,
work on it. Work on it and really
make it make it your jihad. Make it
your like, I'm gonna overcome
my,
like, emotional outburst.
That will weigh so heavily on the scales
of your good deed because, you know, we
said the heaviest thing is a good character.
Right? So Fatima,
is sister Fatima is saying, I'm guilty of
that. Well, it's, you know,
that you realize it. Practice mindfulness. Engage in
mindfulness techniques such as focusing on the present
moment. Good job.
To help you observe your emotions without
immediately reacting to them. Good job. Give me
a high five.
Sounds like a person who has been
working on themselves. Right?
Alright. Now the next one,
communicate openly. This is a very critical part
of it. Now if those of you who
haven't,
gone through the first I think there's, like,
5 lessons of conflict resolution,
Those are very critical. This is, you know,
this is lesson 6 of conflict resolution,
and those
are
very critical because I talk about how to
listen.
You know, I did a whole semester in
master's program on listening.
A whole semester, everyone should be required to
do that, honestly. That will resolve so many
issues. And we also had a whole lesson
on communication. So I'm not gonna dive deep
into it right now,
but those are very critical parts of learning
how to,
resolve conflict. Okay?
Alright.
Let's see. So the open express your thoughts
and feelings
clearly and respectfully.
So, again, I have the steps, you know,
in how to make I statements, how to
how to respond, how to take all that
in. We don't have time to go in-depth
about that right now, but it's really about
expressing yourself
without, like, without being being too wordy,
without it being too long, people will just
tune out. Right? And then you have to
listen
actively and attentively,
really listen to understand.
Understand. That is one of the most important
things you could do in conflict resolution.
Listen to understand,
not to respond.
Okay?
And then focus on the issue,
not the person.
Focus on the issue.
Address the specific problems at hand rather than
making personal attacks. So a lot of times,
what ends up happening is that you start
attacking
the person. Let's say it is,
it's, you know, your teens. Right? Your teens
are they're having an they have a messy
room. Right?
Instead of addressing the fact that there's a
messy room, so you're so lazy. You're unorganized.
You never do anything right, and and it
just becomes like you're attacking the person. No.
The problem is the messy room. Right? So
separate the behavior
or issues from the person's character,
and that way the person will not become
defensive.
And maybe that is the reason why a
lot of people become defensive when you talk
to them, how to negotiate
effectively.
Okay?
So getting to yes, there's a a great
book,
which is negotiating
agreements without giving in, getting to the yes.
These are the 4 steps, and I'm gonna
go into them
a little bit deeper.
But step number 1, separate the people from
the problem. So just what we talked about.
Right?
The when you focus on the problem,
then people are not gonna become
defensive. 2nd,
focus on interest, not the position.
Right? Because sometimes people become so adamant
about their position.
For instance, I know, like, when people when
they have,
let's say, the different madahibs
and and they become very much as, like,
this is my position,
and then they stop being logical.
Right? So we we need to stop this
kind of dogmatic
way of thinking. Right?
Generate options for mutual gain.
You want to have you wanna generate option.
You want it to be win win. Right?
Another way of saying that is we think
win win. Right? And use a objective
criteria.
Use a fair standard. Okay?
So focus on the interest, not positions. What
do we mean about that? So understand
and address the underlying needs, the concerns, the
desires.
Right?
And then instead of, like, just sticking to
a specific demand or position,
a lot of times,
I find that when
let's say, husband and wife, when they are
when they're arguing.
Right?
One person will could could,
like, bring up divorce because
the, like, husband gave away a pot.
And and he's like, this doesn't make sense.
What's wrong with her? I don't really understand.
This is, like, you know,
she's
so weird. She she's so weird. Like, I
just gave away a pot,
and I say, it's not about the pot.
It's not about you giving away the pot.
It's not about, like and then
it's about dig a little deeper. Find out
what is what's the underlying issue.
Right?
So this is what I've been implementing and
has helped me a lot. Very good.
It's digging deeper and understanding,
the emotions,
the need.
So when when the, wife is complaining about,
like, you're working too much and you're never
you know, you're working too much and you're
helping, It's saying, I miss
you. I miss you, and I I wanna
have time with you. But she's not gonna
say that because she doesn't wanna become vulnerable.
It's a lot easier to be angry
than than to show weakness
for most people.
So if she said, I really just miss
you. I missed our time together, he would
probably melt and wanna have that time, but
she doesn't do that. She gets angry. You're
always helping other people. You're always working. Yeah.
And so then he becomes defensive. Well, I'm
working because you're working. Right?
So identify
and explore the interest
behind the position.
Right?
Really try to come at what is underlying
all this.
Then separate the people from the problem.
Right?
This is this is very critical, especially in
parenting. So address the issue at hand
without personal attacks or emotional confrontation.
Don't make it about, like, a character assassination.
It's really about let's resolve this issue.
Right? And so when you focus on the
problem,
focus on the problem and then work together
to resolve it.
Don't attribute
it. Don't,
you know, don't attribute it to their
issues, and it's their fault. Don't blame. Don't
do the character assassination.
That's that's very critical.
Okay?
And then we're going to give options that
are win win.
How can you think of it like win
win? Now imagine
imagine
okay? You are
you have a business partner. Okay?
And your business partner says, okay. You know,
here's here's what we're gonna do. Okay?
You're gonna do all the work, and I'm
gonna take
all the profit.
How would that sound? They'd be like,
this is crazy. I'm not gonna agree to
that.
And this is exactly the mindset
that many people have in their marriages.
It's more about, you know, I get what
I want and I don't care about you.
And that's why people become so they become
argumentative because it's like, you don't have my
best interest at heart.
You are just thinking of yourself. It's selfishness.
Right?
But if the business partner says, okay. Why
don't we do this?
And they think to themselves, what could I
say
that they would agree with? What could I
say
that shows that I have their best interest
in mind? Alright. How about we do this?
We work 5050 and we split 5050.
Of course, someone's gonna agree to that rather
than you do all the work, I take
all the money. So think about that. Think
about it when you are negotiating with your
spouse, when you're negotiating with your kids, with
your teens,
with your in laws, that it's not just
about, oh, I have to get what I
want, and I don't give a damn about
you. Well, no. You do have to care.
Right? And that that's very, very critical.
Ownership of feelings, I say many and
encourage individuals to express their own feelings and
experience rather than blaming or criticizing the other
person. Absolutely.
When you say, like, I feel sad when
you don't spend time with me. I feel
frustrated when you raise your voice.
But why is
what is it?
Onus.
What? What is on the husband
to dig deeper
when the wife should learn how to communicate
clearly.
The pot example. It seems like this absolves
the wife for accountability.
It goes both ways. I may have used
it for the example about the why, but
definitely goes both ways.
You have to always dig deeper and see
what is the underlying
ask, what is the emotional like, emotionally,
what is this person needing?
Right? That's that's so so critical. Okay? And
then you have to use a fair
standard.
You cannot
be
you can't have a double standard.
You cannot have this, like, well, this applies
to me, but the you know, it applies
to you. It doesn't apply to me. Because
this is gonna make people very upset and
frustrated.
Right?
Base the agreement on a fair and objective
standard.
Right? And don't just be,
don't just look at your own objectives.
Right? That's very critical.
And what you do, if you put some
kind of, like, external benchmark,
right, whether it's legal standard, whether it's, like,
an expert opinion this is why, like, when
someone comes in for marriage counseling
and they may be disagreeing,
and then they see they'll present their views
and then they want they want my objective
or they want my perspective,
and I share it without taking sides. Just
saying and calling out if something doesn't make
sense, if it's not fair.
Right?
And so this way,
you are being you're being fair.
Right?
Alright. So
let's do this now. Alright.
K. I once had someone tell me she
felt like she was walking on eggshells with
me, but that didn't communicate what I actually
did. Am I responsible for helping someone understand
their feelings?
Well,
it's really important. I'm glad. Like, you're asking
a lot of great questions
in the sense that, you know, what do
you do? If someone has told you, I'm
walking on eggshells,
and they may not tell you.
Why? Because, obviously,
they don't feel safe emotionally.
Okay? The bottom line is when someone doesn't
feel safe emotionally, they're not gonna share with
you. Right? So you have to really reflect
honestly and say, how did I how did
I respond?
How have I acted with them that they
would say they walk on eggshells?
Have you been super sensitive? Have you been
over,
like, just very reactionary?
Have you been,
explosive? Have you shut down? Have you given
silent treatment?
Have you treated them,
you know, unfairly?
And when you
try to understand your emotions
so don't expect them to necessarily,
give you all of that because they obviously
don't feel safe, and and there's a reason
why someone doesn't feel safe. So we can't
just blame it on that person
and say, oh, well, they should know better.
No. It's
we have somehow made this person feel unsafe
and that's why they can't share.
Okay? That's a very important
acknowledgment.
Will the avoidance type lead you to eventually
be resistant to becoming vulnerable and refrain
and refrain from opening up. Yes. Absolutely.
If someone is
consistently avoiding, avoiding, avoiding, they are like, you
give up. Right? Whatever.
Okay. And that's why a lot of couples,
they end up living as roommates
because they're like, you know what? It's just
it's easier not to deal with this person.
Right?
And this one, I have an avoidant type,
in attachment style. What type is best
for me
as
a partner?
Okay.
Well,
so it's really critical
to
to sit down
and talk to the person
and recognize
what what their expectations
are. Okay? So, for instance,
if
if someone
is
very
clingy,
right, if someone is very much,
they have this sense of, like, wanting to
attach
and they're obsessively,
they're very obsessive in their relationships
and then you have an avoidant behavior, that
that is going to cause constant
problems, and I see this all the time.
So,
for instance, you could also look at the
you could look at the love languages.
If someone, for instance, has a strong need
for physical touch, they like to be hugged,
they like to be caressed, and all of
that, and then they marry someone who can't
stand that,
for whatever reason,
this is gonna cause
constant issues.
So you have to discuss
you have to discuss with the person.
If you have 2 avoidant
individuals,
they have avoidant
attachment
styles, then you're gonna find, like, they're they're
just gonna live as roommates. Right?
So what I would encourage you to do,
right, instead of just thinking about, okay,
who is gonna be a good match, but
what could you do
to maybe improve
that aspect of yourself?
Where instead of being avoidant, you learn
how to have
a better healthier attachment.
So if someone is really
clingy
and they're very needy of others, you know,
let's let's
develop and cultivate some,
independence.
Right? Let me let me just let me
not be as clingy. Let me do things
on my own a bit more.
Let me not, like, ask for validation
time and time again. And that who is
the person who is avoidant
make more of an effort
to to connect, to share.
Right? And in that way,
it's not just about,
okay. This is the way I am. Like,
some people will say, yeah. Well, I I
just I'm a negative person. I'm pessimistic, guys.
I'm pessimistic.
Alright.
Who's gonna get along with me?
No.
Well, let's change that. Let's make it more
of I'm gonna I'm gonna cultivate,
more optimism, or I'm gonna complain a little
bit less. You see? So that's,
that's really critical.
So very quickly,
if you could
write down
one thing
that you walked away with, one thing that
you learned from this lesson,
and one thing you're going to
apply.
Right? One thing you learned, one thing you're
gonna apply,
and that way, we are making a commitment
each week. Inshallah, we're gonna get back on
track with all this,
and, you're making a commitment to to work
on yourself. You're making a commitment
to be a better version of yourself, and
how critical is this? How many people
in this world are actually
doing that internal work? Not many. Not many.
And it's when you're able
to reflect on your shortcomings
and you can improve yourself,
this is a huge success.
How can I have empathy for people who
have trauma?
I cause them to be insecure, non confrontational,
have no boundaries. I struggle to respect people
like that and don't think I should have
to baby them.
Okay.
So
when someone has trauma,
and maybe they don't recognize it,
we have to be very, very careful
in doing this internal work. It is what's
challenging
is remaining humble.
Okay? It's,
you know, this is something I I would
say, like, for the past 40 years,
I've been working on myself. Like, it's been
from my teen years, from when I was
my first psychology course when I was 16.
So
this has been this constant,
you know, working and developing and changing and
improving, and and, you know, you could come
across someone who is completely oblivious.
Right?
And the challenge
is
not to think of yourself as somehow superior,
not to judge
the other person who hasn't who's not as
evolved.
Right? And not to look down
on them. And that is you know, just
like
we
frown
at someone who may, like, think they're superior
or they're arrogant about, let's say, their wealth.
Right? If someone has sit there, like, they're
bragging about
how much money they have or how much
they spent
to someone who doesn't have it, and it's
just basically saying, look, I have so much
money,
and the reason you don't have money is
because you're a lazy bum. You don't work.
You don't.
That mentality, like, we really have to work
on ourself
to not be judgmental.
Right? So
being that someone has trauma and they,
maybe haven't worked on themself,
instead of, like, just saying, I don't wanna
baby them.
It's having that empathy
and thinking that, yeah, love, may Allah may
Allah give them the opportunity
to work on themselves. Maybe like you, just
like I said,
give them a link. Maybe get them, like,
a 1 month subscription. It's the it's the
best gift if you can get someone, like,
a marriage program or, you know, a self
development program. We we spend so much
on trivial things. So we go out for
lunch and how much do we spend, and
you get this and just, like, you give
it as a gift instead of
looking down.
Show them the way
that they can work on themself. Right?
It sounds terrible,
but I feel like as adults, people need
to do the work instead of making excuses.
It's
true. True. I mean, I don't disagree with
that. I'm absolutely
in favor of people doing the work,
But in the process, we have to really
keep our
humility in check.
We really have to make sure that we're
not acting
arrogantly arrogantly.
Right?
Because just like when people become religious
and the more they do and they're, like,
praying the hadjot and they're reading, doing their
and then,
oh my god, she doesn't even pray.
What's wrong with her? Right? That attitude
it's just it's just as nasty.
I'm sorry to say, but it's just as
nasty to kinda have that
attitude
because it's like we're all evolving at different
rates.
We all have a different capacity,
and, like, Allah has blessed you and Allah
has given you the opportunity
to learn. You have had the opportunity
to work on yourself.
You've had maybe the money to invest in
whether it's in counseling or in programs,
but the per another person hasn't,
just try to have a sense of compassion.
Okay?
Okay. So you said see the other person
as a partner, not your enemy. It's a
Khadija.
High five.
Alright.
I grew up with parents who were avoidant,
and that's what I learned since I was
a little girl. I try my best, but
keeps coming out. I understand. Just the fact
that you recognize it and you keeps
coming up because we got everyone to write
it,
keeps coming up because we got everyone to
write it. So I'm glad. I'm glad that
that's stuck.
You're right. It's easy to
see arrogance
in the context of wealth. I have never
thought of context of healing.
You know,
it it is very, very critical.
I'm
very
conscientious
of that
because
when, you know, delving into this top like,
40 years of research and and and self
development,
I have to be very cautious about
not looking at others in that light or
just saying like, well, what's wrong with you?
Like, why didn't you know this? Like, why
don't you work on yourself? Right? It's so
critical
because
you know? And and then sometimes people have,
excuse me, intellectual
arrogance.
They feel like, oh,
you know, I I'm I'm smarter
and you're, you know, you're not as intellectual.
This just it's all I mean, if we
have
a mustard seed have you ever seen the
size of a mustard seed? It's tiny.
Mustard
seed.
Let's look it up, guys.
Mustard seed.
Let's see how small
it is.
Okay?
Let's look at it.
Because
this is look.
Do you see it?
You see it's like it's like a little
there's a little dot. That's a mustard seed.
If we have a mustard seed
of arrogance,
like one of these little things, you see
it. Right?
Then
we don't enter agenda.
That's serious stuff.
So don't look down on someone for not
being as evolved, as not being emotionally calm,
not being as, you know,
charitable,
religious.
You guys, we have so much to work
on,
so much to work on ourselves. Excuse me.
There's
no room,
Absolutely no room for judgment.
Alright. Very quickly, what are you gonna do
differently?
K? What are you gonna do differently from
now on,
from what we talked about? And,
you know, for those of you
who,
you know, really wanna be serious about this,
you know, self improvement and really just be
a part of this,
be a part of the platform,
get involved, get engaged,
learn, discuss,
and this will totally
form you. I guarantee. I mean, I've I've
seen people come into the Mindful Hearts Academy
broken,
sad, disappointed, hopeless,
and now
they're becoming leaders of their communities.
Right? So
really important stuff. Let's see.
We are
we are so lucky, a person like you,
so much knowledge and wisdom. I wish to
obtain the same. Just like a lot, Hayden.
You know, anything that we have, it is
like
Allah really
provides. It's I and it's
when they say,
and that this is all from the mercy
of Allah. This is all from Allah's,
Barakat and
and, what we wanna do is, like, we
I wanna share it. I wanna share to
make sure
that all of this is,
it impacts impacts more and more people.
Imagine imagine that when you evolve
and when you make a change in yourself,
and then it has a ripple effect. Right?
You will treat your spouse differently. You will
treat your kids differently, and this can have
a generational
impact.
So, inshallah, we can we can share
and,
and have this,
habit grow. But just like
for your beautiful
comment. Let's see. And this one,
be mindful and calm before responding.
High five. Good job. And, sister Sarwat, high
five for your beautiful comment. You guys take
good care.
We will continue
on conflict,
resolution.
Right?
How do I pay for this year? Can
you please send the link, sister,
Aisha?
And
let's see.
I think you had the link.
You
have the link. Let's see.
Here we go.
This is the link to the website, and
you can,
be a member
or renew your membership.
It once you become a member, then it
automatically
renews. But if you wanna share,
there's a section on the bottom that if
you wanna gift it to
someone who really needs it, like, this would
be an amazing gift.
Let's see. Any other
so it's the mindful hearts, with ans.com.
Okay. Thank you, sisters, for being patient and
engaging in today's class. See you again, Inshallah,
next Thursday.
And I hope you got the link.
Sister Aisha, if you put the link again,
and I'll leave it up for a while
in case anyone needs it. I pray that
Allah gives us the wisdom, the patience,
the humility
to know how to deal with every person
in our life with wisdom. You know, the
verse in the Quran that says
that Allah has given wisdom.
Right?
He has given wisdom to some people, and
I'm summarizing it,
that he gives the wisdom to whom he
pleases,
and whoever has wisdom has been given a
great gift. Okay? That you know who you
are. If you have wisdom, you know if
you have it. If you don't have wisdom,
you know who you are. Pray for it.
Before I take on any
important
issue, I pray for the wisdom. I pray,
you Allah, guide me. Guide me to say
it the right way. Guide me to use
the right words. Guide me to
be patient. Guide me to be positive.
And as you make dua for this, you
Allah, help us to resolve the conflicts in
our marriages. You Allah, help us to resolve
the issues with our teens and with our
children. You Allah, help us to resolve the
issues with our in laws. You Allah, help
us to truly work on our character in
such a way with such sincerity
that it will truly be the heaviest thing
on the scale. So thank you all for
joining in today.
Take good care, and
Bye bye.