Haleh Banani – Keys To Improve Your Marriage – 07 – Right Spouse

			How can I choose the right person to marry, and I have a simple response is that use the what I call
the three and three rule. Okay? Three things you cannot live without. And these are characteristics
that vary for each person, these are the three things that are most important to you, that makes you
feel so happy and makes you feel so alive. And it's so critical to that. Without it, you wouldn't
feel whole. So think about those three characteristics, three things that the person that you need
to marry needs to have. And that would break it down and make it a lot simpler, because a lot of
times people have this long list of things that they're looking for, it could be 3040 qualities that
		

			they are looking for, in order to find a person that they want to marry. And that makes it very
difficult because you really, it's really hard to find someone who matches every one of those
characteristics you're looking for. So the three and three rule is look for three qualities you
cannot live without, these are a must, you have to have it in order to be happy. And three qualities
you cannot live with. Okay, so the three qualities you can't live with, it could be maybe arrogance,
or it could be stinginess, or being harsh or insensitive, whatever these characteristics are, then,
you know, um, and so as soon as you see a person who has these characteristics, then then you know
		

			this, this is not a person who can make me happy. And you just simplify things. Because I think that
for a lot of people getting married, it seems like a very daunting task. You know, with all the
stories you hear all the divorces and all the you know, bad examples that are out there, it's very
difficult to try to find your the right spouse, I say put our kilala do your best to get married for
the right reasons have the right intention, don't have it as an escape from your family life because
you will just be escaping one problem and diving into the bigger problem. So get married with the
intention of wanting to complete your faith wanting to build a good happy Muslim family. And do it
		

			with the right reason marry someone for the right reasons. Because many times people will be very
superficial, they may just be after looks, oh, well, she's really pretty or he's, he's gorgeous, I
want to marry him or it could be about wealth, or how much money or status a person has, all those
things could go away, they could all fade away. If you marry the person for the right reasons, then
inshallah Allah will put back in your marriage. And, and it really, it really solidifies your
marriage when you marry for the right reasons. So once you have the right intention to get married
to someone that you are compatible with that you have the same vision, think about their religiosity
		

			don't think that I'm going to get married and then I'm going to change them as like, that is the
worst thing you could do. Because you set yourself up for failure. And you're going to make that
person feel very inadequate, marry someone as they are. And they may stay that way for you know, for
the rest of your married life. And you need to be okay with that. Don't go in with the expectation
of wanting to change them. Find someone you're compatible with religiously, spiritually,
psychologically, emotionally, make sure you have the same vision of what you want for your kids what
you want for your life, that will make a huge difference. Make sure also to be attracted to your
		

			spouse. This is this is something that a lot of times is overlooked. And many times when brothers or
sisters we're trying to be pious and they're thinking they prioritize the deen, which is very
admirable, but they overlook the fact that you need to be attracted to your spouse. And if you're
not, then later on in life that could create a fitna, and this is why I see a lot of times the
infidelity that I've talked about, it arises because there's no attraction. There's no physical
attraction. And so it's really important that you find someone First of all, that is that is
compatible on many different levels, not just religiously, or not just economically you're
		

			compatible on many different levels, and that you're attracted to them and that way you can
safeguard your marriage. So make sure you choose the person for the right reasons with the right
intention. Remember the three and three rules, three things you can't live without. And three things
you cannot live with and simplify. And I pray that each brother and each sister who is not married
they find the right spouse and put your trust in our Lord inshallah.