Haleh Banani – Keys To Improve Your Marriage – 06 – Rekindle the Fire

			How can married couples rekindle the fire? Now it's really common for people to after many years of
marriage, when they're not in the in love state, they things can become very dull, it can be a
routine, you, you do the same things and you know, the spark is gone, the excitement is gone. So,
you know, a lot of a lot of couples asked me, you know, what can we do, we've been married maybe 10
years, maybe 17 years, maybe 25 years. And we're just not feeling it. It's not the same thing. It's
not the same as when we first got married. And what I advise them is, first of all, start doing some
new activities together, it's really important to break up the pattern. Because what a lot of people
		

			do on a daily basis becomes very monotonous you get up, get the kids ready to school, you go to
work, you come back, you eat, you sleep, and it just becomes very monotonous. So you need to break
it up, and you need to try some new adventures, I had a couple that were married for about 10 years
that came to me. And that's what they complained about that they just thought really feeling the
passion anymore. They're not feeling any kind of, they don't look forward to being together. So one
of the things I advise them is start new, exciting activities together, this could be something
you've never done. It could be something, you know, instead of going to the same restaurant, you
		

			know, try something new, maybe do a new hobby together, maybe something that's exhilarating, go
whitewater rafting go on a hot hot air balloon ride. And if you don't want to spend all that money,
you could do something as simple as you know, doing. Maybe going to the museum, maybe bike riding
together, do something that will just create an adrenaline rush. Because that adrenaline rush, will
you will start associating positive feelings again to your spouse, when you're sharing new
experiences, and having new joy that will enhance your relationship. Because a lot of times, things
just become boring, because you just spend your time, spend your day, taking care of the house,
		

			doing your work taking care of the kids. And there's no excitement, so create excitement by doing
more exciting things. And another thing you can do is actually to spend more time together. That is
the missing ingredient. A lot of times when people complain about you know the fire is out. I'm not
feeling it. There's no more passion has come How much time do you actually spend with your spouse?
Do you know that the average person who is having an affair will have up to 15 hours a week with the
person. And these are individuals who have no time for their spouse, but they manage to squeeze in
15 hours a week. So what I ask is that you spend at least a few hours, spend a few hours with your
		

			spouse on a weekly basis. And try try to bond with them. This is not a time to criticize is not a
time to unload. It's not a time to just you know rehash, old, you know, old problems and old fights,
it's a time to just connect, just connect. And you could be just sitting in your living room, you
don't even have to spend any money. You could just be sitting in your living room without the TV but
just connecting with one another, maybe having a cup of tea maybe, you know watching a sunset,
whatever it is, this will make you reconnect. Another way to rekindle the fire is to flood yourself
with good memories. What usually happens when people have been married for a long period of time is
		

			that they keep emphasizing the negative traits of their spouse. Those little negative traits add up
and they seem really magnanimous. So what we need to do is just remind ourselves remind ourself by
the beautiful memories that we have. Open up the photo album of you know of your, whether it was
your wedding, or family trips or times that you had together and flood yourself with all of those
good positive emotions. And learn your spouse's love language, learn and see what is it that makes
them feel loved. Because what the natural thing we do is that we give to our spouse, what we like,
what makes us feel loved, but that may do absolutely nothing for your spouse. So it's really
		

			critical to find out how they like to be loved. And make sure that you do that. And so, these are
the ways to rekindle the love. Even if you've been married 2030 years, you can rekindle it by having
actually like quality time together, where it's just you and your spouse spending
		

			time together. Try new adventures things that give you an adrenaline rush and you can start having
positive association with one another. Flood yourself with good positive memories and also learn how
your spouse needs to be loved what makes them feel love and if you do these things, then you will
definitely inshallah rekindle the fire