Haleh Banani – Giving Advice Part 2 of 2

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			common thank you for joining me today. Last week I was talking to you about getting dour data which
is to call or invite others, which also implies to teach to encourage and correct others, I
mentioned how important it is to understand the psychology of the person and to know how complicated
and, and complex individuals are. So to keep their background in mind to see where they're coming
from, and that will affect the way that you approach them. So they're considering their educational
background, their ethnicity, the experiences they've had in their life will tremendously affect
them. So we can't have a pre programmed message where we in our mind that we press, with each person
		

			that we meet, we need to tailor ours our for each person custom make this hour see where they're
coming from, and try to approach in a way that will that they will be receptive to it. And I've
mentioned to you the reasons why we should even gift our many people may think that, you know, it's
not my business, and why should I be doing this, I'm not a chef, or I don't know how to do it. And
we were talking about how important it is there were four reasons of giving Dawa one was because God
told us to and that's that's a way of us taking care of one another. We can't just be focused on
ourselves and our own life and our own families, and forget about the people around us. So this is
		

			one way of taking care of the community. The second is to ensure that your your draws your
supplications are answered. Third was to improve the online that if we are if we are aware of what
people are doing, and if someone is going astray, we pull them back. And we encourage them and we
prevent them from taking the wrong path. This way it improves our whole our our nation. And lastly
was that with with the dour comes accountability that we are required to approach whether it's our
neighbors, our classmates, our co workers, our our colleagues at school or at work, and so we, if we
don't, then we're going to be held accountable. I was talking about the most important thing in the
		

			methodology of doing Dawa is to build rapport building rapport is establishing a friendship getting
to know the person. And once you do that, it will be so much easier and people will really open up
to it. And asking questions, find out how long they've been Muslim for find out the classes they
attend and what books they read. This will give you some information so that you don't just go and
give any person like this one basic data was it can't be done like that. It's not a one size fits
all. And when we have the questions when we have a person's background, then we're much better able
to tailor it according to their needs. They always have to keep in mind that we take our time that
		

			we don't rush and we don't make anyone feel feel pressured in any way because each person needs to
have their own sweet time to develop and to blossom. It's also very critical to make the offer the
person that you're giving Dawa. To that never underestimate the power of dogs. This is basically
what we covered last week as far as Dawa and this week I'm going to talk about some of the
characteristics to have in giving Dawa and it's so critical to have sincerity. Sincerity was one of
actually the prerequisites to have and it's when you have sincerity the person will feel it and if
we are sincere and we do it solely for Allah and Allah will actually put the words in our mouth and
		

			this is the most amazing thing is that sometimes I've experienced being asked the question, and in
the past I hadn't maybe reflected on it and right then it's like Allah inspires you will God will
give you the tools and the way to mention it. And so when you have the sincerity the path will just
open up. Second is to be very non judgmental, not to judge the person and we mentioned this last
week as well. As I say the more accepting you are of the people around you, the more receptive they
will be but if you are harsh, judgmental and everything is black and white, and use
		

			start criticizing and categorizing. And this will just be so defeating, no one is open to that is
actually becomes a form of attack. And when someone feels attacked, then they will naturally become
defensive. So, if we can approach everyone that we meet with as a bundle of potential as someone
that, that has so much capacity and that you can learn from them as well, this way, you always have
the humility, and you are not in this position of being judgmental or criticizing in any way. As we
approach people with love and compassion, then people will be affected, the hearts will be affected,
because many times you find people who will go around and they are just out to tell everyone what to
		

			do. And these people are really not likely at all in the community, they're actually shunned. And so
we don't ever want to be that kind of individual. We want to be able to do that in such a sweet and
loving way like the examples of the Prophet peace be upon him. The way he handled so many different
situations. May people made his enemies just become Muslim because he was so had such an exemplary
character and so we need to try to implement that and emulate that. In service. Taha is number 44.
Allah says altavilla Amen, man, I shake on everything. The smilla Rahmanir Rahim.
		

			Allah Allahu
		

			Allah, Allah Wa, tada, Cairo yaksha. That God is talking to Moses and Aaron, it says, Go both of you
to Pharaoh, and verily he has transgressed and speak to him mildly. Perhaps he may accept admonition
or fear. So here is the best of people, they were the prophets, Moses, and God is telling them to
approach the person who has transgressed who has done everything wrong. And he's saying, approach
him with gentleness and kindness. So, if Moses had to approach Pharaoh, with kindness, what about
us? How should we treat our brothers and sisters in Islam? How should we approach our brothers and
sisters in humanity? I think that whenever there is compassion, when, whenever there's compassion in
		

			the way you do things, then it will be received in such a better way. And it's critical to always be
patient, and realize that there is no compulsion in religion ensuited Al Baqarah, Ayah 256, Allah
says in the Quran lakra have been Dean, that there is no compulsion in religion, you can't force
there's no pushing, there is no pressuring. So sometimes people get excited when there's a person
interested in Islam. So they started applying some form of maybe pressure or encouraging a lot. And
I think that we have to be really careful about that. give people their space, and allow them to
take in the information and realize that it is Allah who guides It is God who guides the hearts of
		

			the people, and it's not you. It's not anything that you say or what you do. And and Allah says, in
the Koran that you cannot guide whom you love. Allah guides who he wishes that you cannot just guide
people that you love, because with the example of the Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him, he wanted
so badly for his, he wanted so badly for his uncle to take the Shahada, and yet, Allah was reminding
him that you just give the message. That's all we're responsible and doing. The next important
characteristic to have is to have wisdom. I can't emphasize this enough because there's too many
people going around, lacking in wisdom and trying to correct people and I think that when we look at
		

			the examples of the Prophet sallallahu Sallam he is hikma wisdom and everything that he did in Sudan
and Nash is 125. Allah says in the Quran solara Monterrey with Rowena Sabine erotica bill Hekmati.
When now is it still has Santa, inviting invite all to the way of your Lord with wisdom and
beautiful advice? So here it is. Allah is telling us that if you want to call someone if you want to
correct someone, do it with wisdom, because if someone lacks wisdom, and I'm sure all of us have
experienced individuals who don't have wisdom, and they try to correct you, and how, what a terrible
impact it has. So if we look at the example of the Prophet sallallahu sallam, when he had a young
		

			man, a desperate young
		

			Matt approached him and he asked them, he said, please do so like can you please give me permission
to foreign educate because I can't take it anymore and the Prophet sallallahu sallam, he didn't get
angry. He didn't say what are you talking about? Happy to think says How could you say such a thing?
He used wisdom and how did he use this wisdom? He asked him is like, would you accept this for your,
for your mother? And he said, No, sir. Ally. So would you accept this for your sister to find okay?
And he said, No. So realize like, Well, what about for your aunt? And again, he said, No, I would
not accept it for my, for my mother, my sister for my aunt and, and the Prophet sallallahu Sallam
		

			said, no one would accept this for any of their family members, for their mom, and for aunt and for
their sisters. And so the young man was so impressed by his wisdom and his mannerism, that he just
totally, he totally changed. So I think it's so critical to use our wisdom in giving Dawa. And the
last point that I want to say is being respectful. We always have to be respectful, and not to
criticize not to attack, but respect the other person, respect their perspective, respect, where
they're coming from, and even their religions, because if you start attacking, with their thinking
that then they are in no way going to be receptive. So we discussed about some of the
		

			characteristics to have in giving Dawa and we're going to take a break now. And when we come back, I
will continue in some of the methodologies.
		

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			satellite channel. Welcome back. In the first part of the program, I was talking to you about the
characteristics to have in giving good advice. So some of the more is being patient, having wisdom,
being respectful, non judgmental, and being very loving and sincere. When you have these
characteristics, then you will be able to affect people's hearts without offending them in any way.
The ways to give Dawa can be either direct or indirect. One of the most effective ways of giving
Dawa is through your actions. I think, when we, we embody Islam, when we act acts in a very
respectful manner. When we are kind and courteous and we have the characters that are impressive,
		

			that is the best way to affect people. And if you look at how Islam grew and how it expanded,
actually, it was through the Yemenis businessman who were so respectful, they went to Indonesia. And
they were so honest, they were so honest, and they're dealing so honest that when a person would
come to them to see their merchandise, they would say, well, we have this, but the person next to us
is selling it for less, they were so honest, and they're dealing that the entire country became
Muslim. And right now, Indonesia is has the most number of Muslims. And it was all because of these
businessmen who dealt with others and with fairness, with justice, and you see right now how, how
		

			corrupt it has become like in dealing with business, it's so hard to find someone who is
trustworthy. So if we try to embody those characteristics, and we leave a positive impact in our all
our dealings, then you can see that you'll have a positive impact. I have many friends who are more
converts, and one of the ways that they affected their family was through being a better sister, a
better daughter, a better son, however, they improved, it left a very positive impression. So we
always have to think that our actions speak much louder than words. So it's not about sitting down
and giving someone information or giving a lecture or, or any of these things. It's our action that
		

			affects people the most, and especially with our family. I think this is one of the best ways that
we can impact them is just just to be a better person. It's simple as that. And the second way is by
starting a conversation, I like to use the expression my mother uses she says spray a little Islam
wherever you go. And she's really good about doing that. And if we get into the habit that no matter
what the setting is that you just share a little something about Islam, especially when you are in a
non Muslim country and you come across people attribute that
		

			Good things that you do to Islam, whatever it is that you are doing, whether you're volunteering or
whatever it is that you're doing, try to attribute it to that. And striking up a conversation.
You'll be amazed with what, what kind of connection you can make with people. having conversations
opens up so many doors, you can start inquiring about what a person knows about Islam, if they have
any questions many times. Here in Cairo, I see if I see a non Muslim and they're sitting next to me,
for instance, like on the on the flies, I asked them, was there anything that you are curious about?
Is there something that was a cultural shock to you? And they actually open up because many times
		

			people are reluctant to to approach someone and ask them? Like, why do you do this? Because they may
feel that they might be insulting. So when you actually open up the conversation when you ask them,
Do you have any questions? Were there any cultural shocks? And actually, they will start opening up
and they'll wonder, why is it that woman cover? And why is it that you pray five times a day, and it
just opens up so many beautiful doors and so many opportunities for you to explain certain things
that were very puzzling to the person. The third way is by giving books and pamphlets, I have an
amazing story to share with you, there was a student at the University of Houston who walked in to
		

			the Muslim Student Association office, and there was no one there. So what they did is they just
picked up a pamphlet, I started reading it. And they were so impressed with this with the pamphlet,
actually, I should state that she was a missionary. She was a missionary, she was on her way to
Brazil to do missionary work. And she reads this templates, Panama, that she took her Shahada by
herself after reading the pamphlet, because on the bottom of the pamphlet, it says to become a
Muslim, you say these words, and that's all it took. And that is just incredible. And this young
lady actually became one of my dearest friends and she became so strong in, in giving down to such
		

			an example in how she would just pass out whether it was books or pamphlets, or just by her, just by
her attitude. She led so many people to slump. The fourth way is by giving current, I have a habit
of asking people that I come in contact with I have, maybe they're from different countries, and I
find out where they're from. And after I've spoken with them for some time, I asked, you know, what
is it that you know about Islam? Do you have any questions? Would you like the Koran in your
language, and I've done this for actually, a lot of Filipinos who have inquired, and they were
curious to, to read it, I get it into Godot in their language, and pass it out. And, and hamdulillah
		

			that by the miracle of the Quran, how amazing it is, and when they read it in their own language,
and then understand that, and hamdulillah several people have taken their Shahada by just simply by
simply receiving the Koran and I think the example of use of Islam, who, whose brother was non
Muslim brother gave him a gift, and the gift happened to be the Koran, and he was guided with it.
And what's interesting that he always says is that and have the law that I learned about Islam
before meeting the Muslims that he found the song so beautiful and so perfect, unfortunately, that
the Muslims are not always perfect, and unfortunately, not always
		

			implementing everything that we need to so when when a person reads it and understands it, then it
really, it affects the heart. So this is a beautiful gift to give. And most people are very open to
it, I have found that most people are very receptive to receiving it just as a way to shed light.
The fifth way of giving Dawa is to share stories to share things that have happened to you in your
past, so that people can relate to you that you can let people know you notice maybe you are not
always that practicing, maybe you didn't always dress properly or you didn't always pray or you
didn't always do these things. And this whole let them relate to you because many times those who
		

			are not practicing may just assume they look at someone who is religious and assume that they've
been like that all their life. But most of us most of us have gone through some kind of spiritual
evolution of our soul and we have awakened and we have realized that we wanted to make changes in
our life and change the way we do things. So when we share this with other people, when we say for
instance, when I tell some of some ladies that I need to
		

			Especially if they're very much into, let's say, fashion or looks. And I, I felt that, you know,
there was a time where I would spend an hour on my hair and makeup. And that was the most important
thing to me. And they are suddenly able to relate like, Oh, so you weren't always trying to like you
were not always in his shop. And then they kind of feel that, well, maybe there is hope for them
that maybe they can make the change. And I think when we, when we share that, then we also show
humility that that we are going through changes, and that there are times that we were not as
practicing, and that we evolve. And so that that gives some hope to also evolve. The sixth way is to
		

			invite them to come to conferences, and classes, if there's anything going on in the in the
neighborhood, or if there's a good conference coming up, and try to share and tell your friends to
come I've had many incidents where when I bring when I bring in a friend or a family member to to
attend the halaqa with me, then they are really affected. And sometimes they will be more effective
by attending a class or a conference than you talking to them. Because sometimes individuals will
not be as receptive maybe a spouse or, or a family member, they may not want to hear from you per
se. But if you take them to, to a conference and maybe it's like a really like a famous chef that
		

			everyone likes, and he says that, then they may be more open to it. So encourage your friends and
family members to attend the lectures and conferences. It's throughout all the all the Dow is all
the techniques of giving Dawa, one thing that I'd really like to emphasize, is smiling, making sure
to be very, very friendly, because sometimes people think that as they become more religious, they
have to be very somber, and very serious. But yet the Prophet peace be upon him always had a smile
on his face. And he told us that smiling is a form of charity. So when you smile to your brother and
sister, then this is this is a form of charity. The next thing is being polite. And I experienced
		

			this Well, I lived in the states for 26 years. And anytime I was on the road when I was driving, I
tried to be extra courteous, and very, very polite because I felt that I am representing Islam I am
as you know, each one of us is basically an ambassador of Islam and the way we act, the way we
drive, the way we talk the way we deal with business, the way we treat our children out in public,
all of this, all of this is our and we may not realize and I tell my children that when when we go,
let's say when we are in the States or in Europe, and I tell them that, you know, we are an example
of Islam and the way you the Kids Act is going to reflect on Islam. So we always have to be
		

			conscious of this. And when we are, let's say a happy family. And we're getting along well, this is
a beautiful form of Dawa. And if we keep this in mind, then we leave such a positive impact on
others. The next thing is volunteering, if we volunteer our time, our money, our services, and go
and get involved, whether it's a Muslim community or a non Muslim community get involved. And this
would have such a powerful impact.
		

			And the last way is last but not final, there's so many more ways to do it. But these were limited
on time. So one of the ways you can do Dawa is by being involved on Islamic website. I'm actually a
psychologist for Muslim, for Muslim matters. It's an Islamic website and this listen matters.org and
I write articles for them. And I think that if you have some talents that you could share, if you
have a knowledge and you can contribute in that way, you will be amazed by the number of people you
can touch by just simply writing an article or sharing an experience. So these are these are some of
the ways that we can gift our whether it's through conversation, whether it's by giving books, or
		

			pamphlets, or, or simply just having a positive demeanor and being friendly and polite. I think that
in itself in our action, how we we treat people, that was like the most powerful way of giving down.
I think we need to just focus on these things because this is what has the most powerful impact on
people is our action and our behavior. So I hope that each one of you sees himself or herself as an
ambassador of Islam and tries to implement implement these things with each person.
		

			And that you come in contact with, whether it's the whether it's the clerk or whether it's the
person at the barber shop or wherever you are looking at it as an opportunity to affect people and
to share and spray a little Islam wherever you go, I have been receiving your emails and SMS
messages with questions. And actually, these questions are leading me to do the program's designing
the next episode. So many of the questions are very lengthy to answer. And so what I'm going to do
is designate an actual episode and addressing them but there was one email that I'm going to address
now from one out from Cairo. She asked about self confidence and self esteem, she said that she was
		

			not brought up with it, her parents didn't make her feel very confident. And so what can she do and
I think the most important thing is to just say positive things about yourself many times we may
make a mistake and we end up beating ourselves up and we can't do this you have to focus on your
self talk what you say to yourself and and have internal validation internal validation where you're
not looking for anyone else to say that you're doing a good job that you validate yourself that you
say it to yourself, and I think this is one of the first steps in building your confidence. And also
by getting involved with things that assures your success so get involved have little successes,
		

			things to feel good about so do things that will make you feel good about yourself. Only say things
that are positive never say things that I'm so stupid Oh, I'm always so clumsy. Don't say these
things. Get rid of them from your from your vocabulary and and try to create opportunities to feel
good about yourself. I will continue taking in your questions and answering it in each program
inshallah. So it's like a love affair. I still love it.
		

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