Haleh Banani – Forgiveness Part 1 of 1

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			stelara mana Rahim Assalamu alaikum. Today I'm going to talk to you about forgiveness, because there
may be some of you who have been lied to cheated on, and you may have been betrayed. And there may
be a very deep emotional pain that you feel. And you're not sure if you can ever trust anyone again,
you may have been physically abused by your parents or by a spouse. Or worse, you have been sexually
violated by a person that you trust it, the scar has not healed. And you're not sure if you're ever
going to be the same again, there are those of you who have been robbed, deceived and taken
advantage of, and you're not sure how you're ever going to be the same again.
		

			When you are oppressed and someone transgresses against you it is very difficult. And it does take
an emotional toll you feel vulnerable, scared and alone. And basically, you can make one of two
decisions, you can play the victim role. And that is basically where you blame everyone else you may
play, blame your parents, you blame society, you blame your culture, whatever it is, but you take
the responsibility and put it on others. And then you can have a big pity party where you discuss
and talk about all the pain that you felt, and have everyone feel sorry for you and you feel sorry
for yourself. When you feel sorry for yourself. It's like taking around an emotional baggage. And
		

			just like it's exhausting to carry with you baggage or suitcases, it's the same thing. When you have
emotional baggage, it weighs down on you and it starts making you feel very lethargic all the time.
Sometimes individuals feel and it could be on a very subconscious level, that their pain or the
oppression that they've experienced makes them unique in some way. And it could be on a very, like I
said, a subconscious level. When I was working in the hospital, I found that individuals who are
attending the group therapy session for severe depression, they took some kind of a pride in in the
disorder that they had. And it was like it gave them a sense of identity. And they felt like they
		

			were competing and saying who has the worst depression. And they were feeling that this gives them
some kind of uniqueness. And this is what happens when individuals get so immersed in, in feeling
sorry for themselves that they actually feel that no one has it as bad as them. No one was oppressed
as bad or no one is as depressed as them. And so this is the the nature of individuals who play the
victim role. When someone is playing the victim role there is they harbored feelings of frustration,
resentment, anger, and a lot of frustration. And there are many, many examples that I'm sure you
know, in, in your personal life with maybe family members, with friends who have taken this on and
		

			you see how deeply miserable that these individuals are. Now you could take you could take the
victim role, or you could choose to forgive and move on if you forgive and move on. That means
you're taking responsibility. Yes, bad things may have happened to you. But you can take this
situation and and turn it around. Because it's not the events in your life that shape you. But it's
the meaning that you give to them. So if something happened to you, and you start making sense out
of it and trying to use it in some way, then you're not going to play that victim role and you are
somehow empowered by it because any situation that happens to us, strengthens us. As the saying
		

			goes, if it doesn't kill you, it makes you just stronger. These strong individuals who refuse to
play the victim role, don't ever want to be pity. They don't want to pity themselves. They don't
want to feel sorry for themselves and they don't want others to feel sorry for them. So it takes
basically a decision to say that I will not allow these incidents in my life, whatever it was to to
ruin me or to to make me sad and make others pity me. And it's just that decision that you have to
make these strong individuals learn to let go and rise up. It's like
		

			Letting go of those emotional baggage is all that hurt all the pain and all those negative memories,
they let go of it. And then it's like being able to rise up. Because all all of that will act like
an anchor, it's an anchor, and it's going to make you drown basically, drown in your sorrows. But
these individuals have learned to just let go. And then they rise up for air and they feel
liberated. And there's so many examples and an inspiring story of Nelson Mandela, for instance,
where he was imprisoned for 27 years, can you imagine that 27 years of your adult life being locked
up for what because he asked for freedom, he wanted freedom for himself. And for his people. After
		

			experiencing so much oppression, and difficulties, he did not allow that to make him bitter or
resentful. What he did is that all throughout the time that he was in prison, he learned to forgive,
he forgave the very people who had oppressed him. And I think this gives us a very powerful message.
Because no matter what kind of difficulty you've had, what kind of injustice that you have seen.
Compare that to 27 years in prison. And you see that, even though your experiences may burn you from
inside, but when you make that comparison, it makes you just be able to let go and be able to
forgive and to rise above it.
		

			When you're able to forgive and rise above, the first thing you do is that you give a gift to
yourself, because you're able to have peace within there is no longer this feeling of turmoil and
anger, and bitterness, you're able to let go of all that. So it is like giving yourself a gift.
Actually, in many of the 12 step programs, there's like the alcohol anonymous, and for individuals
who are addicted to drugs or alcohol, there are these the 12 step programs to help them recover and
overcome their addictions. Step number one is learning to forgive, to forgive the people in their
past, whether it was maybe parents, maybe individuals who have abused them in any way, forgiving
		

			also yourself. Because sometimes you as an individual could make really, really bad mistakes. Maybe
you were in La Jolla, maybe you didn't know any better. So you made some really bad mistakes, and
you may have hurt people, you may have done really terrible things. So it's important that when you
get to a stage, you're able to forgive yourself and move on. You do the Toba, you repent, you
correct yourself and move on. There's never a need to feel hopeless and helpless. at any stage of
your life, you can make that decision to change your life, regardless of what you've experienced, or
what you have done. Because the door of repentance is always open. And you can always change your
		

			circumstances, what you choose, will affect every aspect of your life. So whether you choose to play
the victim role, or you choose to forgive and let go, it will affect your attitude in life, your
personality, what kind of person are you? Are you going to be that pessimistic, bitter person? Who's
going to always feel sorry for yourself and, and bring everyone down with you? Or are you going to
be an inspiration that look, this is the kind of background I had, this is the kind of things I
experienced. And yet I rose above it, and I was able to do it and you empower yourself and you
empower other people, it will also affect your relationships? How are you going to be with the
		

			people around you? Are you going to be suspicious of them always thinking that they're out to get
you? Or are you going to be trusting? Are you going to be a giver? Or are you going to always
withhold and put barriers around to as a form of as a defense mechanism. So the decision you make is
going to affect your attitude. It's going to affect your relationships. It's also going to affect
your opportunity and ultimately your *, the success in life. Because if you have limiting beliefs,
thinking that I had a bad path, I had these difficulties I was abused, then it may really put you
may put yourself in these four walls and not ever reach your success. Or you can use this as a
		

			challenge and feel that you know what I am going to rise above this and I'm going to be a source of
hope, not just for myself but for the people who witness me. Basically, playing the victim role
makes you feel miserable.
		

			You become a lonely person and you won't, you won't succeed. If you decide to forgive and carry on
and move on, you will be a much more peaceful person, you will be more capable of loving and having
good relationships and basically attain the goals that you aspire for. Please join me after the
break, where I will give you examples of our beloved prophets and how they were able to overlook and
forgive and move on.
		

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			welcome back, I was discussing how many of you may have had some very difficult experiences in your
life. And this could lead to to making one of two decisions, but basically playing the victim role
in your life, or forgiving and letting go. And we talked about how by making this decision, it will
affect every aspect of your life, whether it's your personality, your attitude, your relationships,
and ultimately your success in life. I'm going to give you some inspiring stories of our prophets,
Prophet Joseph Yusuf Alayhi, salaam, his whole life is an example of forgiveness. If you look at the
very early part of his life, he was taken by his brothers out of their extreme jealousy for him and
		

			they took him and threw him in a well imagine that they just wanted to do away with him. So look at
the relationship that you may have with your sibling, some of you may be really mad at your your
brother or your sister, you may be in feuds, you may have cut each other off. But I want you to
compare whatever injustice that you may have experienced with that abuse of a salon, that he was
thrown in a well to basically either rot or to die. And yet he was able to overcome this difficulty.
After that he was sold into slavery, he was sold into slavery, he was wrongly accused, he was
imprisoned. So compare that also to some of the injustices in your life where you have maybe burned
		

			this, these memories into your heart and you feel like it's so magnanimous and so difficult, but I
just want you to make some comparisons. And once you do that, because it's very important in life,
that we compare ourselves to people who are much worse off. So by making that huge contrast in your
life versus someone else who has had it much harder, it makes you feel so much more grateful. And I
think that we need to do this all the time, whether we're reading the Koran and comparing the
stories of the poor on because they were sent all the prophets were sent, as an example, all the
stories that are in the Koran, our lessons for us, they're the life stories of the prophets are
		

			lessons and we need to emulate them. It's not just something for entertainment or as a as something
of it's not like history or entertainment. It is lessons and and Allah has chosen these individuals
with these tests and trials, so that all of us with all the difficulties that we have, we could
relate to them. They were not people who had who had it easy. And yet they had the strength of
character and strength of faith to be able to withstand the challenges that they faced. Now, after
all the challenges that use of Joseph on a Salaam went through, what did he do, he went and he was
given, he was given power, he was given prestige. And because he endured everything with patience,
		

			there was never a time that he played the victim role. Even when he was in prison. He was he was
content with his destiny. There was never a Why did this happen to me? Why does always terrible
things happened to me and this is what a lot of people say is that there's this feeling of, Oh, it's
always me, things never work out. And there's a hopelessness. And I think, as a believer, there is
no room to be hopeless. We always have to be filled with hope and always feel that we have God in
our life and that He will guide us if we if we persevere and we are patient, then everything will
eventually work out in the end. And so when he was given this position, and he was had full power,
		

			and his brothers came to him looking for help, I want you to think about it for a second and put
yourself in his situation. The individual who had wronged you would maybe try to keep
		

			kill you or had tried to ruin your reputation or try to steal all your money you're face to face
with them. And you could really have let them have it. You could either rub their face in it or you
could get angry, or you could somehow oppress them and try to get revenge. How many of us would have
the strength of character not to take that on and to be able, like the Prophet, Joseph Yusuf Alayhi
Salam be able to have the strength of character to be able to forgive What did he do at that moment
at that moment where most people would want to just rub it in that person's face or let them have
it? He said to them altavilla Jimenez shaytani r rajim Bismillah R Rahman r Rahim Allah Allah to
		

			three Bali como Leo Mayock federal law hula comb wahiawa, our hammer raw Hemi, which this translates
to, there is no blame on you today. So he is basically forgiving them of everything. Allah will
forgive you because he is the most forgiving. Now I would like to share with you the story of the
Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alayhi salam, when he became a prophet, he was persecuted, he was
ridiculed. He went through every kind of emotional, verbal, physical abuse you can imagine his uncle
was killed, he had people around him who were tortured. He himself endured so many difficulties. And
even though he was persecuted against and he was boycotted, where for years, the Muslims had nothing
		

			to eat, and they were going through such trials and tribulations. When the time came for Fatah Naka,
and that was when the opening of Mecca he came in to Mecca, not as a brave warrior, not as someone
who is feeling proud, he came on his camel and his, his forehead was bent so low that he was
practically prostrating on his camel showing that and attributing all of the success to to, to God
to Allah, and not to his own bravery or to his own courage. And this shows the kind of character
that the Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him had, he was humble, and he was in servitude to his
creator. And when he came, he came and all of the flourish were there. And there was so much fear in
		

			the hearts of the Quraysh. Because they knew what they had done to the Muslims, they had persecuted
them, they were torturing them, they had done so many things. So there was this feeling of
projecting and which is a psychological term, where you start thinking about the other person of how
you are yourself. So they were projecting, they were like, Oh, my gosh, if we were in this
situation, we would really let them have it. And they were questioning, are we going to be executed?
Are we going to be in prison? Are we going to be tortured? What is going to be our fate? And there
was fear in their hearts and the Prophet salallahu alaihe salam, what did he do at that moment? He
		

			said to them is that I will say to you what Joseph la Sallam said to his brother, so with the same
verse, the same mentality because this is a continuation of the message. And he said,
		

			This melodic minor Rahim, Allah, Allah tatry, Bali como Leo Mayock federal law, who lakum wa who are
hamara ra Hemi, he said, no blame on you today. Go you are free, and that Allah is the most
forgiving. So he just basically forgave them of everything. And he just let them go. He didn't
imprison them. He did not do any retaliation. He didn't even remind them of what they had done. So
this is a true example of forgiveness. And this is the kind of behavior that we need to emulate, we
need to be forgiving. And if we think about how, how many mistakes we make on a daily basis, and how
we would love Allah to forgive us, then we need to exemplify forgiveness because as we forgive
		

			others, that Allah will forgive us and we will be forgiven. But we have to have that in our hearts.
There's another beautiful example of the Prophet salallahu alaihe salam, and how forgiving he was.
He had a neighbor that every day when he was leaving his home, he would leave the profits are a
salon, his garbage in his pathway. So every single day, imagine you're leaving your home and your
neighbor puts all their trash and junk on your path. How would you handle that? How would you react
to it? I think most of us would get very angry. We would complain we would go and tell the person
off
		

			How did he handle this? He went to the neighbor's house when he saw that there was nothing left for
him he there was no garbage in the path instead of just saying, Okay, good. This neighbor's madness
has stopped. He went, and he knocked on the door. And when the man opened, he said, I was concerned
about you. And I just wanted to see that what is wrong because you didn't leave me the same gift
that you normally leave. So I just want to check and see if everything is okay with you. The man was
amazed. He's like, only a Prophet would handle a situation like this. And at that moment, he took
his Shahada, he became Muslim, and he said a shadow on Laila Malala. By shadow, Mohammed Abdullah,
		

			who would assume, and this is the character of the Prophet salallahu alaihe. Salam. Allah says in
the Quran and sudut assura ayah number 37. What do you then part of the herbal homeopathic Fado on,
that when they get angry, they forgive These are the people these are the people that we need to
emulate that, if anything, angers them, if anything frustrates and they forgive. And we need to have
this when we're dealing with our spouse, with our children, with our co workers, maybe our employees
that if they anchor us in any way we need to be able to be forgiving, because this is the example
that we need to follow the Prophet of the prophets example, because they were all sent down to us as
		

			a way to set an example and to teach us how to handle difficult situation. So in summary, we have
seen that those individuals who have been wronged, abused who have been physically emotionally,
psychologically or even sexually abused, they have two choices, you basically have two choices to
make, you can either play the victim role, and just feel bad for yourself and feel miserable. Or you
can choose to forgive and let go and you are giving yourself a gift because you give the serenity to
yourself. And you're also able to have better relationships and move on. So if we implement this
ability to forgive and actually this episode was just to get you inspired enough to want to forgive.
		

			And the next episode, I'm going to give you the how to how to forgive because many times we may get
to a point where we want to forgive but we're not sure how. So we're going to talk about the How to
next time So join me next time when I will talk to you about the ways of forgiving. Thank you so
much as salaam alaikum
		

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