How Do I Become A Priority For My Spouse

share this pageShare Page
Haleh Banani

Channel: Haleh Banani

Episode Notes

Marriage Counseling Question 2 – How Do I Become A Priority For My Spouse

Every single one of us wants to feel special & valued. One of the biggest complaints I get while doing marriage counseling is that people don’t feel like they are a priority for their spouse. When a person feels unimportant then they stop striving. Many people ask: How do you become a priority for your spouse?
Sr. Haleh explains ways to bring about positive change in your marriage by doing the things you want more of in your relationship. Take initiative and make your spouse feel like a priority in order for them to make you a priority.

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


00:00:00--> 00:00:43

Every single one of us has this desire to feel important. We want to feel special for our spouse. And one of the biggest complaints that I hear when I'm doing marriage counseling is that I don't feel like I'm a priority, I don't feel that I'm as important as her family, I'm not as important as his work or as important as the messages or the volunteering. And I had one person come in, and that was their biggest complaint. They said, You know what, on that priority list, I don't even feel like I'm on that list. Like, they just feel like they are unimportant. And once a person feels that they are unimportant. They stop giving in the relationship. They're like, you know, what, if I don't

00:00:43--> 00:01:27

really matter, the Why should I put forth effort? Why should I care? Why should I make the initiative? How many of you feel that way? In your marriage? How many of you feel like you are not number one on the priority list? Or you feel like you're not even on the list? So the question today is, how do I become a priority for my spouse? And the answer is, make your spouse a priority. You know, it's very easy to point the finger, it's very easy to put the blame on someone else. But if you want that in your marriage, then you take that initiative, if you want kindness, be more kind, if you want patience, be more patient, right? That's how the theory goes. That whatever it is that

00:01:27--> 00:02:18

you want to see more in your relationship, then try to exemplify a try to give up yourself, and make your spouse feel like they are a priority. If you want that so much. Let them get a taste of what it's like for you to value, their time value, what they're saying to you make that eye contact, make them the center of your world. And once you do that, then you will see that slowly but surely, it will be reciprocated. Try this for about 2030 days, get up yourself, which I know is very hard for people, most individuals are about you, it's my back is your back. And if you don't, it's fine. I'm not doing that. And it becomes a very childish relationship. But if you are the bigger person, and

00:02:18--> 00:03:02

you exert effort and energy and you do it with an open heart and an open mind, then you're going to start seeing results you're going to get you're going to make him feel wonderful, you're going to make her feel special. And then eventually, they'll start reacting to you in a very different way. One couple came to see me and he has a very busy doctor, and she was a stay at home mom, and he says, You know, I never feel like unvalued when I come home, there is it's uneventful. That's why I like to stay at work where I go to the masjid and spend time with the people there because I feel valued there. I feel respected at work. So when I started working with the wife, to give him a bit

00:03:02--> 00:03:45

more attention, make him feel valued. When he came home, she was prepared to see him she spent time with him. She made him feel pampered and made him feel very valued, then it started changing. Initially, she didn't think that is going to make such a big difference. I said, you know, just trust me. Just make an effort to make yourself presentable, greet him, spend time with him talk about the things that he wants to talk about, do the things that he enjoys. And once she started doing that, week after week, that she saw a difference. He started coming home earlier, her biggest issue was the fact that he doesn't want to come home he's always late. And when he comes home, he

00:03:45--> 00:04:29

just goes straight to bed, because he had nothing to look forward to when she started making him feel like a priority. When she started to make him feel valued. Then he's like, you know what, I really I look forward to going home, I'm looking at my watch at, you know, at six o'clock and I'm thinking I want to finish with this patient so I can go to my lovely wife. And that's how you make yourself a priority for your spouse by making them a priority. But you have to give us the gift first without expecting Give, give give and you'll start affecting their heart. I hope you enjoyed this video. My name is Khalid banani I'm a therapist and clinical psychology and a marriage

00:04:29--> 00:04:59

counselor for the past 20 years. I'm also the founder of the five pillars of marriage I've worked with couples and individuals from around the globe and and hamdulillah I know what's effective. So if you like this video, I want you to share it with your friends and family people who may be suffering and they need some assistance and subscribe to this channel because I want to create more videos and like it. I want to hear from you. So give me your comments. If you have any questions. I'll be happy to answer it myself.

00:05:00--> 00:05:01

Thank you for watching.