3 Steps to Dealing with Criticism

Haleh Banani


Channel: Haleh Banani

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How do you deal with criticism? Do you get upset and frustrated and depressed? Because someone said something negative to you? Or do you find it as an opportunity to grow? So my Neko, my name is Khalid banani. And I'm going to share with you the three steps to dealing with criticism. The first step is that you need to evaluate if the person giving you the criticism, if their word holds value, right, and you have to evaluate, are they coming from a place of love? Or are they just the haters, right? When you evaluate the person and see if they have achieved what they are talking about if they are walking the talk, because there are many people who are just ready to give it to people and

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to criticize them. But we need to see if this person is coming from a good place or not. Are they actually giving you a constructive criticism? So we evaluated? Are they in a position to actually know what they're talking about? Are they walking the talk? Are they someone who do they have your best interest in mind? Okay? And if it's just the haters, then that's a different category, right? So step number two, how to deal with the haters, right? It is so easy to sit on your couch, and evaluate and criticize the people who are actually putting in the sweat, putting in the hard work and doing so much. And use it in your the comfort of your home, criticizing the work of others,

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right? That is actually a form of cowardice, right? It is being a coward, a creative coward, when you are just sitting there criticizing other people's work. So the bigger you get, the bigger your dreams are, the more attacks that are going to be on you. And you have to be ready to see that and not be affected by it, and just see it as a sign of getting, you know, doing the actual work, right. Because if you're not doing the work, no one's gonna see you hear you or have anything to say about it. So when you have the haters recognize that the judging a person doesn't define who they are, but it defines who you are. So if you're one of the individuals who are talking negatively about others,

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if you are trying to be literal others or take people down, that is just talking about the kind of person you are is not a reflection on the actual person who's taking you out. And if you are receiving some of that criticism, if someone is out, and they are just criticizing the things that you're doing, don't be affected by it, you know, the shaitaan is going to want to stop here they're going, he wants you to be discouraged. He wants you to feel scared, he wants you to, you know, kind of retreat. So he gets people and he uses people as a way to stand in your way to create obstacles, and you have to see it as this is an obstacle course, that you know, it's an obstacle course of life

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that Allah has created, and you can get over it. And when you have that mindset, then you're not affected by the negative and immature behavior of others, you just feel that this is a reflection of them, and not a reflection of you. So you have to separate the haters from those who actually care and love about you. Now, this is the part I want to really focus on. Because there are constructive criticisms, and it is important to be open and receptive. You know, I remember a time when I used to be sensitive, maybe, you know, back in high school and if I got a criticism, it would hurt my feelings. But then as I made my self esteem grow as I became stronger as I had a better

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understanding of the deen and recognize that actually, when we are given a sense of a naseeha, if we are good, you know, Idina naseeha the religion is giving advice. And when we open our mind and our hearts to that, then we can only grow and I just totally changed the way I perceived criticism, I saw criticism as an opportunity to grow. So instead of becoming defensive, instead of immediately putting your guards up, and and you know, dismissing whatever it is that a person is trying to correct, you try your best to listen, listen, and in order to understand where they're coming from, and when you actually take the advice and apply it in your life, you will see that you can just keep

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getting exponentially better. And what I have done is that there is a handful of people that I truly trust and respect and I actually

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I will ask them each time that I get to see them their friends living in different parts of the world and of course, family members. And I will actually ask them if there's anything that you know that they could advise me on, if there's any, you know, anything any constructive criticism, because now I see the value in it, I see that it is a way to get better, because sometimes we may not see our own shortcoming, sometimes we may be blindsided, right, you know, when you're driving, and you know, you have a, you have a blind spot, you don't see it, it's not that it's not there, you just don't see it. And sometimes we have that blind spot about ourselves. And the Prophet sallallahu

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Sallam has said that the Your friend is a mirror for you, right? So when your friend can hold up a mirror, and show you, right, whether there's that, whether there's that spinach in your teeth, that something simple, or whether there may be a personality trait that you can improve, or whether it has to do with the way you're handling, you know, your your relationship, then that is a way to really correct herself. Right? And welcome it. And I know that this becomes an issue with a lot of couples, when they feel that Oh, my, my spouse is constantly criticizing me, and they are just very, they're all they do is criticize. Well, listen to what is being said, and see if there's any grain

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of truth to it. Right? To see if there's anything that may be the fact that they're saying, you know, you're always angry, look at your facial features, see if Are you really are you yelling all the time? Are you taking out your frustration? There may be some you know, truth to it. And it would do you a lot of good it would do your health, a lot of good. It would do your relationships, a lot of good if you kind of change your you know, mood and not be so angry, right? If your wife is telling you, for instance, you're a workaholic, you're always on your phone, you're always on the computer, you don't spend any time with them. There may be truth to that. So why don't you take that

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as a way of you know, I'm going to have device free time, I'm going to put my phone away, when I come home, I'm going to turn off the TV, I'm going to get off my laptop, I'm going to give undivided attention to my wife, and my kids, and you will benefit. So instead of immediately becoming defensive, what I recommend is listen to the advice, see if there's something good about it that you can implement and look at it as an opportunity to grow. So thank you all for joining in. And let's see if there any questions. It's nice to have you off several sisters from South Africa. Mashallah. Good to have you here. And the key is to just as a recap, the three steps to dealing with criticism

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first, recognize if this is coming from a good place or not. Is this someone who walks the talk? Are they you know, knowledgeable? And can they give you valuable advice? Or are they just haters? Now, if it's the haters, you know, it's really about dismissing some of that because

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what it does is that it slows you down. You need to focus on achieving your goals and letting go and realizing that whatever people say it is on them and not on you. And the third step is when you look at criticism as an opportunity for growth, and take it in and keep growing exponentially, just like a law fair for tuning in. I hope you have a wonderful weekend, Salaam Alaikum.