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3 A’s to Improve Your Marriage Instantly!

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Haleh Banani

Channel: Haleh Banani

Episode Notes

Islamic Psychology

Episode Transcript

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Is your marriage in a rut and you want to do something that will instantly make it better, I'm going to give you three very easy things to follow the three A's, of really changing your relationship and improving it instantly. Okay, so first and foremost, you need to have the intention of improving your relationship. I know, it may seem like what's the big deal about having the intention, but that is critical, right? We are told within our deen, we should always have the intention before doing anything. And I'm and I might have been new yet that every act that we do is based upon our intentions, right. So if you have the intention that I want to improve my marriage, and they have

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done a lot of psychological studies of the power of intention, when you intend to do something that really gets you to focus to take action. So having just the intention of I'm going to actively proactively do something to improve my marriage, and I'm going to do it and I'm gonna get results instantly in sha Allah. So the first A is to give attention when you give attention. And I'm not just talking just like a few minutes at a time, I'm talking about undivided attention. And when you get that kind of undivided attention, without your phone, without distractions, without all that's going on around you, then this person will feel like you are valuing that one of the benefits of

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doing the counseling with someone is because you have their full attention. Just the fact that someone is sitting there, and they're listening to you, and they are hearing you out is that process in itself is very therapeutic. So imagine giving that to your spouse, imagine giving that on a regular basis, just make it a time where you are sitting, maybe having a meal together, maybe you're going on a walk together, don't even bring your phone. And if you can't have a conversation without checking your phone, you MAY be addicted. And you may need like some digital help, because we really need to be able to connect and really be present energetic presence, not this just hanging out and

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looking bummed out with your spouse, but being really present and being mindful and spending time with them. And when you do that, you are truly giving them what they need more than anything else. So people they don't need your presence, they don't need your gifts, they need your presence, they need you to be really aware and present with them. So that's the first thing you can do. If you can start giving that kind of attention, that kind of undivided attention, it will change your relationship because you know, all the problems that arise. What do they start off with, with a lack of attention, I'm not getting enough time, I'm not given the importance or being taken care of. And

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so if you start dedicating that undivided attention to your spouse, you will see instant instant improvement in sha Allah. The second A is to get that appreciation, I'm not talking about just saying thank you, you did the dishes, thank you for this gift. Those are nice, we definitely have to do it. But it's having a deep appreciation for the person appreciating them totally their strengths and their weaknesses, whether it's the things that even drive you crazy, or whether it is the things that you're not really crazy about or you're fond of. But when you are showing appreciation for the person for who they are completely, then you will get their hearts. It's an incredible if you have

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ever felt that kind of unconditional love when someone is just loving you even when they know your flaws, even though they know all the key mistakes you've made or some of the challenges you've had, but they show you that undivided and that unconditional love, then it's very powerful. So if you're able to show that appreciation, not for just the little thing, thanks for helping out thank you for doing this but also showing appreciation I really appreciated the kind of person that you are I appreciate the kind of parent you're so attentive you are so caring, I love the fact that connection you have with a logist showing that you appreciate them for who they are. And when you give that

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acknowledgement when you're acknowledging these beautiful characteristics that they have. And obviously, they have something in them. That's why you married them. So I want you to really hone in on those qualities and the things you enjoy about them and start speaking about and telling them that you know, you just bring me peace. I love the way that you're so organized while you're a real go getter. Whenever something needs to be done, you get it done. And you know your spouse may not have these specific qualities, but I'm sure if you dig you will be able to find certain qualities that stand out about them. And when you start appreciating the essence of the person that they are

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when you show that appreciation, they're going to feel like oh my god

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He gets me, she really has deep appreciation. When you have someone's appreciation, they will do anything for you. So it's really about getting that sense out, you're tapping into what is really unique about your spouse, finding it, and then appreciating it. Okay. And then the third thing is adoring, adoring your spouse, and I know some of you may feel like I am far from adoring my spouse, but you know, what, if you start recognizing things that they do, and when you compliment them, okay, let's say in front of the kids, and you're in front of the kids, you say, Wow, your dad is like, is so amazing in the way he does this. I love his attitude. I love how he provides for us, are

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you can you talk about your wife? Wow, your mom, your mom is incredible. What would we do without your mom? What would we do without these amazing meals or how she keeps the house together, and you're complimenting your spouse in front of others. Now, it's definitely great to give compliments privately. But when you proclaim your love when you adore them in front of family members, my goodness, will you score big if you do it in front of the in laws. You have your parents there, and you're like, you know what, I'm so proud of the way my wife keeps it together. I'm so proud of my husband, and whatever it is that he's doing. He's so helpful. He's so there for us. And when you do

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that the person immediately feels the sense of being appreciated. She is getting me she is talking about me in a positive light. Usually what happens is that a spouse will overhear that the wife or the husband complaining about them. And that's so hurtful. It's such a betrayal when someone overhears that they're complaining to their parents about them. So if you do the opposite, where they overhear you saying something positive that saying oh my god, Ma sha Allah, the piece this person has or Wow, Masha, Allah, the fact that they get things done, whatever it is, that you're impressed about, be genuine, right? I'm not telling you to make things up, be very genuine search

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for it. Because if you compliment someone, and they don't have the trade, they'll just be like, yeah, right, what do you want, but if it's something that they really take pride in, let's say this, someone works really hard to be humble. And you're just like, mashallah, I mean, your humility, it's just impressive. They might be uncomfortable with the compliment in front of someone else, because of their humility, if they have genuine humility, but you get the point, it's about seeing what that person really values, maybe it's about being charitable, and they help the community. And when you say mashallah, like, you know, my spouse is always thinking about others, it impresses me the kind

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of heart that he has. And when you say something like that, like the person with the smell, and this will have a ripple effect, because they feel good about it. Now they're in a better state, and it's very likely that they will do this as well. So I want you to tell me right now, what are you going to do? Which one of these three A's? Are you going to give more attention, undivided attention? Are you going to be more appreciative? Or are you going to adore more right now in the comment section, tell me which one are you going to apply? Because this is like it's a form of a commitment, right? You apply, you say, you're going to do it, you have the intention. Remember, first you have to have

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the intention, that you are going to make the relationship better, you're going to take that responsibility, then you tell yourself, you're going to give them the undivided attention, put all devices away, you're gonna give them the focus, then is the appreciation, appreciating them fully for who they are their dreams, their goals, their aspiration, and you are just fully appreciating them. And then adoring them, adoring them in front of others. My God, you will score big if you give a compliment in front of the kids. And if you give a compliment in front of your parents, in front of her parents or his parents, I mean it will be just phenomenal. So you can have a beautiful

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positive impact instantly by doing these three A's. So let me know which one you're going to do and how you feel that this is going to impact your marriage in sha Allah. Thank you for tuning in. I pray that Allah really showers all of us with the ability to bring out the best in our spouse. And for those of you who have not yet gotten my seven gems to save your marriage, you can go to holla banani.com and get that free PDF so I'm here to help you and serve you in sha Allah thank you for tuning in salaam aleikum.