Haifaa Younis – Q & A Building My Eternal Abode – Part 6
AI: Summary ©
The host of a radio show discusses the origin of " Anger," a term used by many people to describe negative behavior. The importance of avoiding anger and finding one's true feelings through actions is emphasized. The speaker emphasizes the need for people to act normally and not feel sad, and offers advice on navigating feelings and finding a way to make a test a gift. The importance of learning to accept and navigate feelings, protecting oneself, and balancing speaking less with people is also discussed. The speaker reminds listeners of upcoming meetings and meet and greets events.
AI: Summary ©
Bismillah What do you have for me?
I have lots of very real questions Real
questions?
Very real questions So there's fake questions and
real questions?
But you know there are questions that are
quite soft These are questions that have come
from the heart We've been talking about heart
work, right?
So these are questions that you know people
have thought about and really want to make
progress in this And they want a genuine
answer And inshallah they've come up so much
that we know that they'll be the ones
that the audience really want to hear First
of all, how are you Dr. Haifa?
Alhamdulillah Enjoying it?
Are you enjoying it?
Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah Are you glad to be back
in the UK?
Yeah Alhamdulillah We're very pleased to have you
here with us in the UK Honestly, I
can speak for myself As soon as I
heard I was like yes I literally squealed
alhamdulillah So I'm really really happy that you're
here with us May Allah protect and preserve
you Ameen We're going to go straight into
the questions inshallah First question And I'm going
to read it as is, like verbatim because
it's the question that's important I get angry
really quickly Angry at myself, loved ones, work,
the government What can I do to help
fix my intentions and have a pure heart?
I feel like I have a good few
weeks and then I go back to my
old ways Okay So anger is one of
the poisons of the heart Anger Anger Anger
comes from What's the source of anger?
Yeah, we all You know what?
We have a bucket We throw everything in
it And the bucket is called Shaytan So
we have no issue It's not my fault,
it's Shaytan Don't do that You will not
change No Anger comes from arrogance It's not
my way They didn't listen to me Even
with the government I was like Do you
really have time to get even angry with
the government?
Come on But the point is You need
to work on your ego And ego is
one of the biggest Or actually it's the
first Sin that was committed In the creation
Not on earth In the creation When Shaytan,
you all know the story Refused to prostrate
to Allah Teach yourself I may be a
little bit tough in this answer Because she
says This woman is really sincere And she
says I get better And then I fail
And she's angry on many aspects It's not
one or two Tell yourself all the time
I am but slave of Allah I am
created from earth And I'm gonna go back
to earth Tell yourself all the time When
I or you Or you in the grave
Everything you are very upset about Will mean
nothing And will not come to my avail
Most of the time we are angry Because
we don't remember Allah And this is not
my statement Verily by the remembrance of Allah
Hearts will reach serenity, peace If my heart
in peace I'm not gonna get upset I'll
give you a simple example Just very recently
When I was in Dublin Something big happened
Right?
In the organization Not the organizing people May
Allah reward them Something came Last minute we
wanted to do it Did everything to make
it happen The last minute they called me
And said probably is not gonna happen The
person who was helping us Very sincere woman
Called me frantically crying And she was one
of our students In Jannah Institute And I
kept saying قدر الله ما شاء فعل What
did we study in Tazkiyah?
We're not in control We did everything And
Allah didn't want it to happen End of
the story If you are always again back
To the قلب السليم I'm not saying I'm
a قلب السليم May Allah give me 1
% of it But I'm saying is When
you connect everything with Allah You come out
of your control You're not gonna get angry
When I know When I think everyone is
better than me Like Sayyidina Umar always used
to say كل الناس أفقه منك يا عمر
All the people are way more Knowledgeable than
you Then I don't get upset When someone
doesn't listen to me I get sad When
my children I see them Not on the
way that pleases Allah Yes because I'm a
human And I want to see them in
Jannah I get angry When I see someone
disobeying Allah Because that's the only time Rasulullah
صلى الله عليه وسلم got angry Not Because
they didn't listen to me Or because the
government Didn't do what I wanna do Make
dua Only Allah will change people Fast a
lot That's practical example Practical mean Fast a
lot Fast and control your nafs Anger comes
from the nafs Shaytan operates on the nafs
Through this door Fast a lot And don't
give your nafs Everything it wants And a
lot of dhikr Especially salat al nabi and
istighfar Not only when I'm upset It's my
daily routine A lot of dhikr And you'll
be calm Internally calm Let alone externally And
may Allah make it easy Ameen May
Allah ease your grief and suffering Ameen Very
nice question It doesn't apply to Miscarriages Or
may Allah protect your children Loss of a
loved ones A child especially Is one of
the hardest one Or loss of material thing
You build your house Spend all your life
Collecting money And then you lost the house
For whatever the reason You loved your husband
And he decide to leave you These are
painful instances It's real It doesn't mean when
you feel sad That you are not No
No, we're human Because when Rasulallah His son
died and he was crying The sahaba looked
at him You, ya Rasulallah When he was
carrying Sayyidina Ibrahim And his The famous statement
probably most of you Are aware of The
eyes shed tears The heart is sad We
don't say anything But what pleases Allah So
the first thing I want to say to
everybody I don't want you to feel guilty
because you feel sad No It's normal emotions
Now the issue is How do I act
upon the feeling That's where the difference comes
in Now this may sound A little bit
Reality check If I look at everybody else
And I say why me Why do they
Have three pregnancies I didn't Literally what I'm
saying Are you ready for what I'm going
to say You're saying Allah is not fair
Because pregnancy is not from me Children is
not from me Right Surah
Al-Shura End of Surah Al-Shura Allah
said the following To Allah belongs the sovereignty
Of this earth And the heavens He creates
whatever he wants and wills and likes.
Now, يَهَبُ لِمَن يَشَاءُ إِنَاثَةٌ Whom he wills,
gives them only girls.
وَيَهَبُ لِمَن يَشَاءُ الذُّكُورٌ And whom he wills,
gives only boys.
And then, أَوْ يُزَوُّجُهُمْ ذُكْرَانًا وَإِنَاثَةٌ Or he
gives them mixed pairs, boys and girls.
And the last one, وَيَجْعَلُ مَن يَشَاءُ عَقِيمًا
And he makes who he wills childless, عَقِيم
Like Sayyidina Zakariya till the end of his
life.
And then he ends it up, this verse,
إِنَّهُ عَلِيمٌ قَدِيرٌ He is knowledgeable, he knows
your feelings, he knows what you are going
through, and he knows why he did not
let this pregnancy continue.
قَدِير, capable.
Capable of making the fourth pregnancy continue.
What you need to do, let your emotions
go.
Meaning, feel it.
Of course, you are going to feel sad.
But as I am in my sujood, crying,
sobbing, because I lost this third pregnancy, I
am going to say to him, لَعْتِرَاضُ عَلَى
حُكْمَكِ يَا اللَّهِ I am not objecting your
decision, or your ruling, but it is very
painful, يا ربي.
You need to acknowledge it.
It is very painful.
You are going to make it easy on
me, and I beg you to give me
a child.
Like you gave Sayyidina Zakariya, and like you
gave Sayyidina Ibrahim.
Then you are absolutely fine.
And I am not going to look at
anybody.
Because that child, that you are looking at
your friend she has, that child could be
the reason why this mother or father will
not end up in Jannah.
True or false?
You all know Surah Al-Kahf.
Yes?
Why did Allah made Sayyidina Al-Khadr kill
that boy?
Kill.
Allah said it in the explanation.
He was kafir.
He will become a kafir, and he will
give his parents very hard time.
Allah said, Sayyidina Al-Khadr, kill him.
Learn about Allah.
Submit to his will.
And you will navigate all the challenges in
this life in a complete different perspective.
Again, doesn't mean you are not going to
feel sad.
Doesn't mean you are not going to feel
down.
Does not mean you are not going to
cry.
On the contrary, if you don't cry, I
am worried.
Because that is not the norm.
But I am going to submit to him.
And you are going to beg him to
teach you how to submit.
And don't look at anybody else.
Because the Sahaba said to Rasul A.S.
There is rich people, there is rich people
who can donate, and we don't have money.
And Allah really loves spending for his sake.
Competition in akhira, not in dunya.
He said, you know what?
You can do better than what they do.
It's a very beautiful hadith.
And he said, just keep remembrance of Allah.
Right.
They came back.
He said, Ya Rasul Allah, they heard what
you said.
And now they are doing also dhikr.
What are we going to do?
He said, This is the blessings of Allah.
He give it to whom he wills.
And for those of you who don't have
children, I say this to all my patients.
Are you better than Sayyida Aisha?
Are you better than Sayyida Aisha?
No one can claim yes.
She didn't have children.
Although she was the youngest.
Although he loved her most.
We all know that.
Allah has a reason.
Learn to accept the decree of Allah.
Enough he is alim and hakim.
He knows my feelings.
He knows what I want.
But he is wise.
And this way how you navigate your feelings.
And make this test a gift.
On the day of judgment, and I'm not
going to say you wish you had 10
miscarriages.
But this is a very famous concept.
On the day of judgment, those who were
tested in this life, and they acted with
patience the way pleases Allah.
When they see what Allah gave them on
the day of judgment, they wish their skins
were actually bitten by nail clips.
May Allah make it easy for you.
Keep trying by the way.
Now I'm speaking as a physician.
Keep trying.
I've seen 9 miscarriages.
45 year old.
And then I delivered Aisha.
Never give up.
Subhanallah.
Amazing.
MashaAllah.
JazakAllah for that response.
MashaAllah.
And also for the people who are submitting
these questions again.
These are very brave questions to put forward.
So JazakAllah.
And it's amazing that we have these QR
codes.
Which allows them to come through anonymously.
Alhamdulillah.
So I think that's definitely a tick box
for technology and advancement.
Alhamdulillah.
Now we're going to go to the next
question.
Which is, If people are taking advantage of
you or abusing you.
How do you defend yourself in a way
that is pleasing to Allah?
Welcome to this world.
Of course people will take advantage of you.
My answer to myself before everybody.
I remember actually I was in England when
I was training.
And my, he's not a supervisor.
You're the person who trains you.
Calls me and do this.
And I don't want to say names because
I know he's still with us.
And do this, do this.
And every time I said, okay, yes, okay,
yes.
And one day, and he's a Jewish man,
very young, very beautiful soul.
And I remember very well.
And he said, Haifa, learn to say no.
People will take advantage of you.
And was that right?
Absolutely.
So it's fact.
We, please forgive me, we take advantage of
Allah.
Don't we?
We disobey Him.
Clearly.
And then we have the audacity to raise
our hand and say, Allah, give me.
Isn't that taking advantage?
Because I know he's a giver.
I know he's all forgiving.
True or false?
But Allah is forgiving.
What do I do?
Keep going.
You want to go to Jannah.
What did I say in the first session?
I don't care what they think of me.
I'm doing it for Allah.
I'm doing the right thing.
What pleases Allah.
I don't want anything.
Like what Allah described the people in Surah
Al-Insan.
The human.
They were telling people who they were feeding.
And they loved the food.
But they gave it to them.
And says, we are feeding you for the
sake of Allah.
We don't want anything from you.
We are afraid from a day.
That is going to be the human being.
Or the day will be really gloomy.
Let them take advantage of you.
And one day they will know your value.
And I'm saying this from experience.
They know who you are.
And if for whatever the reason you decide
to move away from those who are taking
advantage of you.
They will cry.
Because they lost you.
Just don't put them in front of you.
Keep seeing Allah.
And do it for Allah.
And make a dua.
If they are really taking advantage of me.
Remove them from my life.
Doesn't mean you are telling Allah to let
them die.
Remove them.
Let our path be separate.
But don't stop doing good deeds.
Don't.
You are the loser.
They will not lose.
I will lose.
You know.
I tell everyone.
Anything.
That will take me to Jannah.
I'll fight you with the swords.
Anything about this dunya.
Take it.
I don't care.
Because Allah will give me better.
This is the mentality you have to live
in this life.
Don't live in the materialistic mentality.
Unfortunately.
It's surrounding us.
Subhanallah.
And as you were saying.
You know.
There is a talk you gave recently.
You made a really good point.
I loved it so much.
You said.
If people are doing things and saying things
bad to you.
Let them do it.
Because they are giving you their good deeds.
Just imagine.
You are literally banking up.
They are memorizing the Quran.
Okay.
Great.
Give it to me.
With pleasure.
Amazing.
So well put.
You can visualize that.
Next question.
I want to get through the questions as
well.
How do I make the Hajj part of
my routine?
It's very difficult for me to wake up
for Fajr on time.
How do I change that?
So practical and real question.
Question for this person.
If you have a plane at 5 am.
Will you miss it?
Will you miss it?
I want to hear it.
No you will not.
Believe me.
You will not sleep.
And there is three alarms.
And one of them is the furthest.
Why?
Because the trip.
Please forgive me.
The trip is more important than standing in
front of Allah.
Because I don't know who is he.
Allah said it in the Quran.
They did not give Allah his due right.
The real value.
My creator.
My sustainer.
The one who gave me everything.
I don't.
That's general.
Second.
I don't know who is the questioner.
But this is a very common question.
What did you do before you go to
bed?
You disobeyed Allah.
You know what I say to myself?
Why does he want me standing in front
of him?
And I just disobeyed him.
Somebody upset you.
Do you want to see them?
Do you want to see them?
Or you say, I don't want to see
your face now.
Don't we say that?
Anybody around you in your life.
Why does Allah want to see me standing
in his and asking him in Fajr and
I just disobeyed him from A to Z.
So number one.
Learn again.
Learn about Allah.
And one day inshallah, maybe in the next
tour, I'm going to make it all about
Allah.
Because we really don't know Allah.
And I'm not saying we don't know or
we are kuffar, but we don't really know
who's he.
We say it, Ya Allah, please, but we
don't know what are we saying.
So that's number one.
Number two, move disobedience.
Make the last thing you do before you
go to bed, something pleasing to Allah.
Beg him to make you up.
Learn to beg Allah.
Now, practicality.
If you're going to sleep at 12, good
luck if you're going to wake up at
2 or 3.
It's very difficult.
You have to make it easy for you
in general to obey Allah and make it
very difficult to disobey Allah.
Any disobedience of Allah, make it harder.
Don't buy what makes you disobey Allah.
And alarms, don't sleep in a very comfortable
environment, meaning the room temperature exactly what you
want.
It's all dark.
You're not going to get up.
But in general, if it is after midnight,
sleep and the light is on because getting
up is much easier.
Or don't sleep.
Continue.
Do your tahajjud, do your fajr and then
sleep.
But the most important from everything I said
is actually the disobedience to Allah.
I had someone who I know and very
dear to me used to go to fajr
every day in the masjid and suddenly disappeared.
They asked me, and I said, I'm going
to ask a question.
It's going to be tough.
Up to you if you want to answer
me.
And they said, what?
I said, what did you do that Allah
don't want to see you in the first
row of the masjid?
There was no answer.
May Allah make it easy for all of
us.
Ameen.
Next question, again because of time, we're going
to try and power through these inshallah.
How do we balance speaking less with people
in order to purify our hearts?
Eighty percent of what we say is not
beneficial.
Not my words.
لا خير في كثير من نجواهم إلا من
أمر بصدقة أو معروف أو إصلاح بين الناس.
Allah said this in Surah An-Nisa.
There is no goodness.
لا لا is naafiyah, meaning it's not.
Majority of what they say is not beneficial.
SubhanAllah.
Except the three things.
Look at the three things, see what you
are saying, and make the balance.
Simple.
إلا.
What is it, Ya Rabbi?
What should I say?
إلا من أمر بصدقة What you are saying
will make people do an act of charity,
not meaning money only.
Act of charity.
إلا من أمر بصدقة أو معروف.
Good thing.
My word is going to make you a
better person.
When you said this to me, changed me,
made me think.
Right?
Or get people relationship better.
أو إصلاح بين الناس.
You rectify a relationship between human beings.
Everything else is useless.
Now you judge how much we talk.
You judge.
And the easiest way, practically, to make you
speak less.
SubhanAllah, I just said this recently.
Don't call people.
Text them.
Accept your parents and your blood relationship.
But the others, don't need to phone as
you call it.
There we say call it.
Here you say phone them.
Don't phone them.
Text.
Because by the time you phone me, how
is everything?
And then I start telling you my life
story.
And you are going to say, oh really?
Oh let me tell you what happened to
me.
And now so call less.
Interact with people less.
This will really cut down on, and which
we find it, I know time is off,
but this is very important.
Learn to love yourself and sit down with
yourself alone.
A-L-O-N-E.
Alone meaning no phone.
Learn to be in peace with you.
Once you stay alone, and I'm not saying
you're depressed or what happened to you.
No.
Ten minutes a day.
Fifteen minutes a day.
You're going to learn to talk to you
and calm yourself.
And the more you do that, you will
feel need for people is much less.
Of course the older you get, this becomes
much easier.
Much, much easier.
But train yourself from now.
And may Allah make it easier.
Ameen.
Mashallah that is the end of our Q
&A.
Unfortunately, we've run out of time, mashallah.
Jazakum Allah khair.
Thank you so much Dr. Haifa for taking
the time.
Mashallah.
Honestly, I think we need to come bring
you back in just a minute.
There's so many questions, but we hope inshallah
that you've all benefited from the questions being
answered.
More importantly from the lecture earlier on as
well.
I hope that you were capturing it on
your notepads and your pens.
Make sure that you go back and you
review, because like we said before, this is
a lifelong journey now.
We've started the quest, but it will continue
for the rest of your life.
How many of you are coming tomorrow to
London?
You and me, of course.
Inshallah.
Try to make it, because we're going to
cover something else.
It's the same title, but in every place
I'm covering differently.
So hopefully I can see you.
I was told it's one hour and a
half in the train?
Yeah?
Yes.
About an hour and a half on the
train, yeah.
Inshallah we'll see you tomorrow.
And it's also an afternoon event, so you'll
still be able to get home in time
as well.
It's on a weekend, so you can get
back in time for the school runs as
well inshallah.
I just wanted to remind everyone, there is
going to be a meet and greet after
this in Hall 3.
However, it's only going to be for the
people who have purchased a book.
So if you want to purchase your book,
please go out into the main foyer where
you came in from, purchase your book, and
then inshallah we'll go and speak to Dr.
Hafer in person.
You can have a little bit of salam
du'a inshallah.
But for now, inshallah.
Jazakallah khair.
Thank you so much.
And we hope that you all get home
safely.
Salam alaikum wa rahmatullah.