Fatima Barkatulla – Raising Believers #03 – Your Relationship With Allah

			Assalamu alaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh, and welcome to episode three of raising believers. I'm
your host, sister nusseibeh. And joining me is sharechat, Fatima, barkatullah and Talhah, we've been
discussing some of the ways in which we can raise righteous believers. So we've talked a lot about,
you know, being righteous ourselves, and you know, the importance of DUA and vision. Let's now talk
about instilling characteristics and others into our children.
		

			One of the things I was actually discussing with my husband this week was how important manners are,
and how in today's society, children lack mothers, and it actually brings me so much joy and
happiness when I see my children or other children say things like, please, thank you, Joseph
Calaca, Alhamdulillah use these Islamic phrases as well. And we really see a lack of respect for
elders and, you know, just basic at Urban etiquette, you know, in western life. So how, what are
some of the ways in which we can make an effort to raise our children with these etiquettes I think
Subhan Allah, one of the beautiful things about the Sunnah in particular, is that the Prophet
		

			salallahu alayhi salam provides us with
		

			guidance and a blueprint for how to carry out all sorts of things, right. And sometimes we as
Muslims take that for granted, we don't realize that actually, you have to instill those things in
children, they're not necessarily going to come naturally, especially as you said, when we're living
in a society where the handover, there are lots of good things, you know, there are good manners and
things that people can learn as well. But actually, there are certain specific manners that our deen
emphasizes that the society that the society around us doesn't emphasize, like you said, the idea of
having a certain reverence and respect for elders, you know, that that is something that society has
		

			lost to having respect for teachers having respect for grandparents. Another one is, for example,
Hey, up, the concept of higher or modesty or feeling a sense of shame, is seen as a negative, right?
In this society, when actually higher is something that is beautiful, it has to be nurtured. And so
one example, as an example of one of our tickets you might teach your children is, you know, the
whole idea of knocking on a door, and actually asking for permission before entering, for example,
the parents bedroom, right? Or not changing your clothes in front of people, right? Even, like when
your children get to a certain age, they're not undressing in front of you, as well, you know, we
		

			take that for granted. But I'm Allah, I was at the gym, with my children, you know, swimming for
swimming. And, and one of the things you notice, especially here, like in London, is people don't
mind walking around in a state of undress in front of each other, right? And for a moment, I
actually thought about that. And I thought Subhanallah like, how come as, like, I've grown up here.
But how come I would never even dream of walking around like that even in front of other women.
Right? Because we have a sense of higher and we have our in front of other women as well, right?
		

			How come like I would never even think of that, and my children wouldn't. And yet
		

			these ladies that don't have any sense that there's anything wrong with it. And obviously, it's
because as human beings, we're conditioned, aren't we, throughout life to think of certain things as
normal, and certain things as not normal. And we never experienced our parents, or even in front of
our siblings walking around like that, right? Because we have certain boundaries.
		

			So that kind of highlighted to me Subhanallah it's really important that our Islamic adapt our
Islamic
		

			boundaries are clear to our children and that we, I think something Bella said to me earlier, we
provide consistent consistency in telling them about them and enforcing them. Absolutely. And I
think when we look into the Quran, there are certain
		

			etiquettes emphasize more than others. Surah Noor, it really emphasizes the whole concept of
respecting personal spaces boundaries, knocking on the door, saying salaam as you go in and you
know, meet your family, also, the aspect of hijab how this is ordained
		

			clearly and who should be covering in front of an eye, I think these things are there for us to have
certain guidelines in our life as we grow up. And we have to be consistent in teaching our children.
But most importantly, we have to practice them ourselves, we have to implement these adaption
o'clock and qualities ourselves so that children can see that there is consistency in what we are
saying, and what we are asking them to do think that's a really good point, acting those out
yourself, because you mentioned you know, about higher, and it actually reminded me of like myself
growing up, if anything, you know, for example, came on the TV or something like that. In my family,
		

			it was very normal for everyone to just be a star for Allah stuff for Allah. And
		

			TV, whereas I've noticed, you know, other families, that's not always the case. And that was quite a
shock to me when I you know, did you know, you know, witnessed other families, you know, not
reacting at all. I was like, oh, okay, so Paula, this is something that my parents did, and has
really reflected on me to say, but you know, the etiquettes that we embody, that creates the culture
of the home. So if you don't embody higher and higher, and Iman is tied together, if one leaves the
other one leaves, and it's very important that you
		

			consistently implement certain guidelines in your home, so that the children living in that home,
they become used to have these practices and it becomes second nature. So when they go somewhere,
where they see people are acting opposite to, you know, having higher, then they feel discomfort,
because that's not what they are used to. Yeah, I think another one of the etiquettes that, you
know, I think is really, really important is the act of selflessness. I feel like we live in a
society where it's all about me, me, me, what my what I want, what I like, what my happiness means.
And as Muslims, we know, in Islam, you know, our kind of, you know, dynamic doesn't revolve around
		

			that we're looking at what we can do for society, what you know, the husband's role is in the Muslim
is all about what you can do for others. And I think it's really important that our children see us,
you know, even if it's doing stuff in their community, or whatever it is, but they see us embodying,
selflessness. Even simple things like, you know, teaching children to adapt when they enter our
house to say salaam to everybody. Unfortunately, we see a lot of young Muslim kids who, who haven't
obviously been taught that those simple things actually add up, you know, they, they give them
actually security, knowing, okay, this is how I'm supposed to behave in this situation. This is how
		

			one example I wanted to give you is, I learned a lot about respect for parents the way you know,
you, you mentioned from my father, when my grandparents came over from India, I remember my foot the
way my father spoke to his parents. My father is a mufti, he's usually everyone's always looking up
to him. But the way he used to sit, he never used to sit above his parent Subhanallah, he would
always sit at either the same level or lower and his parents, that humanity would be manifesting the
way they're sitting. And, you know, he's so much more educated than his parents. And yet, the way he
talked to them was like, he was their student, you know, the way he would just do things for them.
		

			That that spoke volumes, way more than anyone telling me, you know, you're supposed to be like this
with your parents like that. Because Action speaks louder than words, isn't it? Going back to that
thing about selflessness on a like a regular, continuous basis, you can promote that by eating
together as a fan because, as you know, in the Sunnah, when you serve water, the one who's serving
they should be the one who's lost to serve themselves. You can't do that in a vacuum. You can't do
that, you know, just eating by yourself or ordering Uber Eats, you know, you have to be mindful that
when you eat together, that togetherness creates that selflessness, because you're thinking, what
		

			would my neighbor like what my father like and you're serving people, and then the one who serves
you, you're serving your needs last. So through the act of eating together, you're promoting that
kind of considering for other people. If there's one plate of food, you're not just eating
everything yourself, you're thinking everyone has to share isn't, you know, and the baraka is, in
together, you know, to eat together, and that's what the prophecy is, I'm taught tests when you are
eating together to eat together. And that's something that I think it's missing out because of
convenience or the busyness in the modern life. But Subhan Allah right hand he was close to you. The
		

			Prophet says Allah Himself taught to avoid this. Exactly, exactly.
		

			We're not doing exactly, exactly and you know, tickets of cleanliness, bathroom that those are also
very unique to Muslims in many ways, you know, so do after the food so all of these things you can
actually promote just by having meal together. And mealtime is like anchor for every family to come
together. Definitely. Just
		

			Got a few minutes before we go to the break, but I thought, well, let's touch upon, you know, the
next means. So the next mean is establishing salah and routine. What can you say about that? Oh
Subhanallah
		

			Salah create routine.
		

			Yeah, as Muslims, our life rotates around the salon times, right? And I think what people don't
realize so I'm, I'll tell you a little story. And it might sound a bit dramatic. There was a father
who phoned my husband as for advice, and he said, My son does not practice Islam. He doesn't want to
really associate with me, and he's gone and he's started living with his girlfriend. Okay. So Subhan
Allah, this father, you know, at this stage of life now, because son is an adult, his son has gone
and obviously gone against some of the slap out Islamic way of life. Now, you might think somebody
will say, Well, you know, all sorts of advice, right?
		

			We asked the father does your son pray?
		

			You know, and he was a bit surprised. You know, like, What do you mean Salah prayer, you know, did
you teach him to pray? Because Subhanallah people don't make the connection. Okay? But Allah
subhanaw taala told us in the Quran, that Salah prevents a person from fascia and monka right? It
prevents people from falling into other greatest sins. So that's why establishing the Salah as a
almost like the first thing after you know, a person does their shahada, what do they do? They start
to pray in whatever way they can, right? With our children, establishing the Salah, making a Salah a
part of their lives their five times a day connection with Allah actually serves to protect them for
		

			many many many other things. So when does it stop you there? Yeah, Allah we're gonna have to go to a
break but we will carry on straight off SLM Wiley como rahmatullah wa barakato. And welcome back.
Right with cut you off that you were talking about establishing routine and salah? Yeah. So the
point that I was making is that this father, who was very distressed about his son, having basically
left the family and, you know, living in an Islamic lifestyle, the point that we were trying to make
to him is that he, by not establishing the Salah in his home, he had lost his son. Right? At that
point. Do you see what I mean? Like, a lot of parents don't realize that all of these things are
		

			interlinked. Establish the Salah in your home, make your child have that sense of connection with
Allah, and that when you're not there, when you're there to police them, and we're not going to be
there to police them or to, you know, watch out for them for all of their lives. Because they have
that connection with Allah, they will feel ashamed to do certain other things they will feel unable
and not wanting to do, you know, worse and worse. Thanks. So I think we can't underestimate the
power and the importance of establishing the Salah as a basic in the home. And it starts of course,
as we know, from the age of seven, we want to start telling them, you know, come come and pray with
		

			us. And then by the age of 10, if you if you're constantly doing that, from the age of seven, and at
the age of seven, you don't want to be too strict. Now, you just kind of telling them come for
Salah, just prompting them. So they get this message that oh, there's an interruption to my play,
there's an interruption to life. Rather, I would say there's a break from my play. Because you know,
when we look at our life, you know, our body has a need, and that is to feed ourselves to you know,
have water, hydration rest, but then there is a need of the soul. And that needs to be also taken
care of. So the five times a day we have a break for the spiritual nourishment. And we have to be
		

			mindful of that these five time breaks is to replenish our soul because the soul yearns to be with
the Creator. And that's when the soul finds rest. So therefore, we don't just do it ourselves. When
the child reaches the age of seven, we start the training program. And as you know, when you take an
apprentice, it takes a while before they get I'd say even starts earlier than it does it does you
know it actually funnily enough, you know how you said, you know, it's like eating and, you know, it
reminded me of Subhanallah when I was you know, potty training my boys did is something natural, but
they didn't want to, you know, take breaks to use the toilet, they would rather you know, make a
		

			mess and play and it's something that I had to almost teach them so that it becomes an innate thing
and I feel like it's the same with Salah we want it to become something so second nature to them
that it's not even as if you know taking an interruption is just as they grow up slowly, slowly it
becomes innate to them initially it can be hard for them though. Yeah.
		

			We have to we have to realize that it's not all plain sailing, especially waking them up for Fudger
you know, it is not easy it's it's a challenge but at the same time I think the way we introduce
Salah to them has to be in a way that is motivating for them because in a word have such power in
the way we can see them if we say oh, let's just get over and done with Salah you feel like you just
want to haste through salah but if you say let's break for Salah that means you know what you're
going to rest for some time and that's how the Prophet isn't used to see Salah as he say to beloved
or the Alana, you know call the event so that we can find rest and tranquility. So as an adult, how
		

			you respond to your Salah would really influence your children if you have this notion that let's
just get over and done with our salah, then they will see Salah as a burden but what does Salah you
know
		

			what is Salah to us Allah says to Musa lesson amino acumen salata li Vickery. Yeah, Salah is to
remember Allah and when you remember ALLAH, that's when you feel that you have recharge your
battery, you know, to go back to your play, to go back to your, you know, occupation, whatever. And
I think also telling them the origin of Salah, you know, the story of
		

			how I felt like that really helped my kids to really value like, well, you know, we were given 50
And then, you know, Subhan Allah, Allah made it so easy for us. He, he gave us these five, but then
also, in a practice on a practical level. How are you building your life around the salon, when
you're about to go shopping? Do you? Are you conscious that, you know, you might be caught in the
middle of the shopping center? And it's a lot of time? Do you show your children how easy it is by
for example, taking a prime out with you, telling them Have you got will do or making it easy for
them to make do anywhere? These types of things, actually, you have to habituate yourself to, like,
		

			can you pray a train station? Could you pray, you know, look for multifaith room, or the more you've
made it like so nature for them to pray wherever they go with whoever they are with the more than
the importance of it when you are out and about especially, you definitely because when you're out
and about you take back clients, you take water bottle, so similarly, you have to take provision for
Salah. So if that means taking a bottle to make wudu or thermo, or even Salam at all stopping by to
do your Salah. So it has to be a part of your habitual act. And when you do that, it's a very young,
just, you know, for and to, and, you know, sometimes we're out and about shopping and I'll take
		

			something into the changing room and pray and they're like, what's going on? But, you know, in sha
Allah in the future, they're gonna realize that, you know, even when mommy was having fun shopping
or whatever, she still stopped to pray for Allah. And I think that's so powerful message you're
giving right? It isn't, you know, when they grow up because my son started college now and he went
to the open day and I was a bit surprised when he said it's, uh, you know, it's a non Muslim, you
know, like, college and he said, You know, I asked the principal, where did they do the Joomla and I
was thinking to myself finally you know, that was quite confident him to say like, and where did
		

			they do the Joomla and the principal actually, you know, showed him exactly where they pray as a
result other children are praying so sometimes you don't realize when they're like four year old
final the thing that you teach them later on, they take on another level of confidence is really
really important. I think sometimes a lot of Muslim children lack confidence in their Deen so when
they see us being confident praying outside or whatever it is, as a as young children, it really
like you said it resonates with resonates with them and then when they are older, they don't feel
shy to ask for a place to pray or, you know, to, you know, ask for what they need. Just before we
		

			end the episode, Inshallah, I want to touch on the importance of stories of the Sahaba and prophets
and how that can also impact our children's lives. You know, if you think about it, even the Prophet
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, Allah gave him the story of Yusuf Surah Yusuf to make him feel
stronger, right? At the very difficult time of his life. Allah Subhana Allah revealed the story of
users so that he would draw lessons from it. That would give him comfort. So what about us, you
know, there's so many stories of the prophets. Our children might not find every single aspect of
them useful right now. But those stories, they're gonna memorize them, they're gonna internalize
		

			them. And one day in their life, they'll start seeing things that happen that suddenly they'll draw
inspiration from, it's very true. You're just telling your children or your child, the stories of
the prophets, the stories of Prophet Muhammad SAW some and sometimes you don't realize what they're
registering in their mind. I remember once my son came up to me and said, You know, I'm one I'm a
bit like the Prophet salallahu Salam, and I said, How? And he said something that I didn't even
expect him to see. He said,
		

			He did not have any siblings, the Prophet sallallahu sallam. I said, Yeah, he didn't. And he said, I
didn't have any siblings, either. So I'm like the Prophet salallahu Islam. I said, okay, yes, that's
that's you know, and he was saying he was this height, because when you do the Cyril, you discuss
the description of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi salam. And then he was saying, and he was neither
too short and other too. And he was really going into the description. And I was thinking to myself,
How does he know that? Then I realized, oh, yeah, we used to do cocinar been. So we talked about the
description of the prophets of Assam, and something you think, you know, the things that you
		

			actually talk about the registry, then they regurgitate later on in different contexts. So the point
I'm trying to make is that anything that you do, it doesn't go to waste, even if they don't
regurgitate it, Allah is a shocker. He's appreciative of your effort. And that's what it is about.
It's about our effort. As for the outcome, we leave it to Allah azza wa jal. So all of these
discussion is to encourage people to make an effort, because when you do believe you meet doesn't go
wasted, it surprises you, and it will surprise you the way they come back in many falls shallow, you
know, in our times, it's so easy for our kids to know everything about football players and know
		

			everything about pop stars. Well, you know, for some people, it's cetera, right?
		

			What a waste. You know, like, of course, I'm not saying you can't have football as as your role
models, you know, you can, but we have a whole other set of role models, right. But we really need
our children to know about, they should be geeking out on the Sahaba, you know, and the facts about
the sahaba. Because those characteristics, I think another thing is, our kids will see certain
personalities from the Sahaba in themselves, you know, so not everyone is going to be as
compassionate and magnanimous as Abubaker, someone might have a very strong personality who's very
kind of, you know, very strict, right, like Omar Delano, and they might find some resonance in his
		

			personality. So I feel like, even with the girls, right, I should have the lineup, very outspoken,
very confident. And then you have other Sahabi I've had other strengths. I feel like there's
somebody for everyone, you know, and our children need to know about all of them so that they can
appreciate the richness of our history, and actually feel that you know, they have a connection with
that history. Yeah, I think bedtime is a very good time to tell these stories. Because whatever you
hear last thing at night, when you wake up, those things are still playing in your mind. So it's a
very good way of sowing the seeds of inspiration, your children, definitely and we have Subhanallah,
		

			like you said, a richness in our history, with the Sahaba with the prophets and even, you know,
pious figures, you know, later on, and I think mentioning these stories is so, so important. And
especially, you know, you mentioned the Sahaba and stories of, you know, female figures as Oh,
especially for our daughters and sons to recognize the importance of, you know, great female
figures. But with that Insha Allah
		

			we will end the show does Allah Hi once again for joining me, and insha Allah on next week's
episode, we'll be discussing some of the other ways in which we can hope for our children to be
raised as righteous, confident, strong believers in sha Allah Assalamu alaykum Warahmatullahi
Wabarakatuh