Fatima Barkatulla – Kids Need Fathers – A Muslim Perspective

			mothers need to be supported, especially in those early years. So obviously, the ideal is that there
is a man there is a husband, who's there. Whereas in Western culture, slowly, but surely, the trend
has increased a woman just having children without a man around, sometimes even electing to do that,
like actually choosing to, you know, just get pregnant in order to have a child, Islam recognizes
the benefit of having both parents is immense. In Britain, fathers, when it comes to fathers, 1
million children have no man at all in their life. And yet, there's this phrase called Broken
Britain, broken Britain, because there's so you know, elements of society is really broken down. And
		

			there's certain aspects of society that are just really need to be fixed. One of the major causes of
broken Britain is absent fathers. First of all, you know, men don't really know what it is to be a
man anymore.
		

			Because the lines have been blurred so much. And because, you know, people are constantly saying,
Well, men and women are the same. You know, women are saying, We don't want you to open the doors
for us. We don't want you to sit up, stand up for us when, you know, we don't need anything, we're
independent. We don't need to be paid for we don't need anything.
		

			We don't need a man, right? That has actually over time caused men to have a crisis. Men don't know
what their role is anymore. Whereas before it was very clear to them, I must provide for my family,
I must be responsible. I must, you know, be the man of the house, I must make important decisions
cetera. Now, it's like, I'm dispensable. I'm not needed anymore. Right. Psychologists say that
father's absence, devastates little boys. it devastates them, even if they can't see it. Over time,
that absence is felt, a boy with no role model cannot learn to be a man, psychologists believe it
may take hours a day of male contact for a boy to learn how to be a man. And girls also need
		

			fathers. So you know, when people feel like mother's way, if they if they have a divorce, or
whatever. They feel that
		

			when they do things like take the child away from the Father, not allow father access to the child,
believe me, when whenever that happens, you'll see later on, they regret it. Because that child
turns on their mother eventually.
		

			Right? Because that child needed a father. Obviously, that's a bad choice, if the father is
responsible enough to want to be involved. Daughters need their fathers, they need validation from a
man. So many times you see girls who get into relationships, outside of marriage, etc.
		

			There's a yearning that they have for male attention.
		

			And they need that male attention. And if the fathers can provide that, it prevents them from
desperately seeking it elsewhere. And, you know, fathers are different, they express their love in a
different way. And so as, as mothers we should allow, that should allow them, you know, what, even
when fathers and sons are playing and fighting, there's actually a lot going on there. So we can't
explain. They're actually learning a lot from each other. And sons are learning from their fathers
how to be strong, but at the same time safe. Fathers also, you know, one of the things that we want
to encourage in the fathers of our community is to be fully present when they're with their
		

			children. Okay. And, you know, technology has caused a problem in this not just with fathers with
mothers as well. You know, this idea that you can, your child is there, you've gone to the park to
play with your child, and you just can't stop looking at your phone. You can't stop checking
Twitter, Facebook, communicating with somebody is has a harmful effect. Even though you think you're
there. Well, I spent all day with my child. But were you really there? Were you really mentally
there? Were you emotionally available?
		

			And children notice it.
		

			They really sense it. They sense whether their mother if their mother is with them or not.
		

			And believe me, it has a negative effect. If you're constantly constantly on the phone, constantly
checking other things, some mothers, I heard a radio phoning where they were talking about this. And
some of the mothers were saying that sometimes there's something on Twitter that they were checking
that made them feel upset, or made them feel angry.
		

			Me, and they would bring that emotion that they felt from the phone into their real life and get
angry with their child or SubhanAllah. You know, this, these types of things we shouldn't be
allowing this technology to interfere with our real life. We shouldn't be allowing it to shape the
way we respond to our husband, our children, etc, right. So I would say, with technology, we need to
really have fixed times for these things, not for it to be something that can interrupt your day
constantly.
		

			So father's, you know, really important for them to be present, really important for them to make
time to just spend time with their children
		

			and to express love. Sometimes in the past generation. They had a different way of expressing love,
and they didn't necessarily verbally say, you know, I love you, or even have a lot of physical
contact with their children. But Islamically physical contact with children is important, even for
men. The Prophet salallahu Alaihe Salam used to kiss children. He kissed his grandchildren. And you
know, that famous Hadith where he kissed one of his children or grandchildren. And
		

			one of the Bedouins was there, a Bedouin man and he was, he said, Well, I've got 10 Children, I've
never kissed any of them. And he was almost saying that as if he's proud of it, you know, because
it's seen as a masculine thing not to show emotion right.
		

			But the sooner allah sallallahu alayhi salam disapproved of that and he said, What can I do if Allah
hasn't put mercy
		

			Amen.
		

			Moving on