Fatima Barkatulla – Advice for Muslim Parents

			hamdu lillah wa Salatu was Salam ala Rasulillah. Welcome to this special session, and welcome also
to share Haytham and had that. And for those of you who might not know, Sheikh Haytham is one of the
senior scholars here in the UK, Mashallah. And he's one of the judges on the Islamic Council of
Europe. Sheikh Haytham has a wealth of experience when it comes to dealing with and hearing the
issues and knowing about the issues that face families
		

			in the modern age, I feel so I think we could all really benefit from his insights. So share without
further ado, we'd like to begin this session. Jeff, we're inviting you to please give us some of
your advice for parents in the modern age Bismillah Rahim Al hamdu lillahi rabbil aalameen or salat
wa salam ala Nabina Muhammad wa and he was the head banging first of all my dear brothers and
sisters. Welcome to you all. And may Allah Allah Allah reward our sister, Fatima, Sister Fatima
mashallah I known her for
		

			I don't know how many years Fatima now okay. At least 15 years and she is a person that I'm proud
of. And I considered her as my own sister now my gender other be pleased with her she's mashallah a
model a role model for
		

			for many of our sisters for our sisters and mashallah she's active in that way.
		

			But I have to say that she is looking after family after her husband after her children mashallah
son Youssef is a half of the second son is half of and I think the third one is half of as well. So,
may Allah and Allah Allah accepted from her and may Allah, Allah Allah reward her for allowing me
this opportunity to share a few ideas few points with you regarding raising our children at this
time and age, okay, the first point I would like to say that we need to realize that children is a
beginner from Allah, Allah Allah. And that's why Allah Allah Allah said to the Prophet salallahu
salam ala Rasulillah in public as well I don't want to read we have sent prophets before you and we
		

			made for them spouses, and we made for them to read. And we see that Allah Allah Allah Allah, when
Allah Allah Allah Allah mentioned the study of Zakariya Allah be in your hand and album in your
Starbucks we show you that and then he said for Hubli mean they don't go any yeah retuning were so
mean earlier who would be or the year he Zakariya Prophet Zakaria. He said yeah, Allah gave me from
a give me an offspring and give me children and they will inherit me they will inherit my, my my
knowledge, they will, I will leave the legacy with them. And they will of course intercede for me on
the say on the Day of Resurrection if they become righteous people,
		

			righteous children And subhanAllah I remember the statement of amount of no hubbub, the Allah Tala
and who, who said that I'm a person who doesn't like to have you know,
		

			women, okay doesn't like to have sexual relationships with women but I force myself to do that in
order to have the children who will glorify Allah yellow. Yeah, glorify Allah Jalla Allah and hence
I will get the reward of what they have done. And we all know the Hadith of the Prophet sallallahu
alayhi salam when he says oh, what do they do they will elude the name of Kathy and become an ummah
mailman to marry that loving lady, that third Thai lady that that can bring the children many
children, because I will be proud of your number boast in front of other prophets of your number. So
the Prophet salallahu Alaihe Salam wants to see a big OMA and that's why it is
		

			having good children is one of the Sunnah of all Prophets and the sunnah of our Prophet sallallahu
alayhi wa aalihi wa sahbihi wa salam, and this is something
		

			that we need to take it seriously. My dear brothers and sisters now it is very unfortunate. You see
the younger children, the younger generation, they don't want to have big families.
		

			And you can you can ask the children and you can ask your children and you will you can ask other
children okay if they are married How many children you would like to have they will say maybe one
two if they are not married Why don't you get married yeah I'm not ready etcetera while the previous
generation they used to have so many children okay and having big number of children is is a sign of
power my dear brothers and sisters we know now that India over number to China in terms of the
children and as you know that the Prime Minister of India Modi visited the United States just a few
days ago and they they are dealing with India as a superpower they dealt with him as the head of a
		

			super state okay. And if his country was a small country, that population was small, they wouldn't
deal with him like this. And as you know, India is becoming a major political clout player globally
because of the power that it has and that power is an outcome of of the the population the high
population 1.3 million or even more than that, okay. So, this is the first point the second point my
dear brothers and sisters,
		

			which is a consequence of the first point, we need to look at the tarbiyah of our children as a bad
as an act of divider My dear brothers and sisters, we should not be frustrated or bored, we should
not lose patience know whatever happens okay, when while we are
		

			giving clarity to our children, we should accept it it wholeheartedly because this is an action of a
bad and we should be happy with it. My dear brothers and sisters, okay. So this is a quick point A
second point. And see, with this point, I would like to say once we talk about raising our children,
we need to remember that we are doing it for the sake of Allah Jalla. And as you know, the Prophet
sallahu wa sallam said actions are judged by intention, and hence we should behave when we when we
give therapy to our children, as this matter is an event that we need to get closer to Allah, Allah,
Allah when we deal with our children and give them Terbium. Now, the third point, Sister farty now
		

			is spoke to you before about setting a vision. Yeah, this is a crucial for the success of the
family, I would like to emphasize on one point, which is having a united vision between you and your
spouse, my dear brothers, major sisters, and from my experience, if there is no unity in terms of
the vision, this will be the most one of maybe the most actually disastrous things that you have
within your family. Okay? If your wife, for example, wants the children to be practicing people, you
don't want that the children will play on the differences between mom and dad, and they will not
they will choose whatever they like, and they will not be as practicing as they as you want.
		

			The father for example, wants them to excel in education. Mom doesn't want that, then they will
suffer as a result of this. Make sure my dear brothers and sisters that you have a unified Okay,
unified vision.
		

			And we this means that husband and wife mothers and fathers mother and father, they need to sit
together in order to discuss what is the vision for their family, and may be my dear said My dear
brothers and sisters, they might need one of them has to compromise. It won't work. Okay, if there
is a discrepancy or if there is if there are huge differences between the vision of the mother and
the vision of the father. Okay, another important point, my dear brothers and sisters.
		

			We need to ask ourselves, what kind of children
		

			We need to produce or to have surgery. Now, many people say yes, we want practicing children. But
okay, what kind of practicing children they want? Do they want them to be leaders? Do they want to?
Do they want them to be just an average people?
		

			Many brothers and sisters, they like to see their children. well disciplined. Okay? And as a result
of this, they want their children to be the Yes, yes, man people. They don't want. They many parents
are annoyed of the annoying children. They don't they're, they don't want their children to be
annoying children. They don't want their children to say no to them. They don't want their children
to oppose them. They don't want their children to have their own views. And this is a big problem. I
am emphasizing on this point, my dear brothers and sisters, because I see many of our community.
Unfortunately, they praise those who children who are well disciplined. And I always use this
		

			statement that if you tell them sit down here, they will sit for one hour doing nothing. And then we
say oh, these are the best children. They listen to their parents, and they are well disciplined.
Nope. No, be careful. My dear brothers and sisters, this is not the best children you want to raise.
I know that raising leaders is not an easy job. Okay, it is difficult, however, yeah, at the end of
the day, it works better for the Muslim ummah, for the community and for the parents. And there was
a study that was released maybe eight years ago, they said that they found the children who are not
only confident, but who are maybe a little bit naughty, and they oppose their parents are the most
		

			difficult children to be brainwashed or groomed, especially online. But they Yes, the children, they
are the easiest to be the groom. Okay. Now, let me mention the final point and I know that okay, I
want to leave time for your questions. Many parents are worried about, you know, the new trends in
our society, for example, the LGBT iq plus whatever.
		

			Many, many of the parents are worried about the Dean of their children, whether they are confident
or they feel inferior in front of others. And these are true worries. But believe me, my dear
brothers and sisters, if you
		

			raise your children where your children have, direct connection with Allah, Allah, Allah, Allah by
their hearts, they love Allah. Okay? Along with loving Allah, they feel Allah. Yeah. Okay, these two
important points later on, they should glorify Allah, Allah, Allah, this is the third point. The
other point, my dear brothers and sisters, they should look at Islam as the greatest way of life.
They should do not okay raise them in a way that they are confident of Islam and Islam is the best
way for mankind now, and 50 years ago, 500 years ago, and so on, Allah, Allah says in the Quran in
other Quran a ideality of one where you wish you remote meaning Alladhina amanu una sala hottie and
		

			I don't care. Okay. I would like to just mention one point here. Many parents, they would like to
raise their children, as they say civilized children, and they
		

			they respect everyone, and that we need to qualify that. There is a difference between respect and
maybe abide by the law. Yes, maybe raise your children that generally speaking generally speaking,
I'm not saying to the letter even generally speaking, they should not break the law otherwise they
will get them
		

			delves into the troubles however it doesn't mean that they should not be raised in a way to
challenge the law or to aim to change the law okay to feel confident of the who or who they are and
to challenge other ideas and other concepts that is not respect okay respect is that okay you
respect different ideologies different different styles of life and this respect after some time
will make the person inferior to other cultures religions, styles of life and respect is not what is
needed okay.
		

			All what you need is to that you don't to break the law you can challenge the law you can a
challenge other ideas. So there is a fine line between both my dear brothers and sisters make sure
that you raise up your children with this kind of confidence that they are able to challenge the law
to challenge the system to challenge even other ideologies okay. And that can be done within the
boundaries of law believe me that will protect them from many ideologies many life It stars that we
are worried
		

			worried about. Okay, so these are just very quick points. And I'm sure sister Fatima
		

			has covered many of those points. Does Aquila Hara we leave this space now for your questions.
		

			Is that go ahead and check for those very thought provoking points. So
		

			my biggest risk