The speakers discuss the importance of adapting to new environments and setting boundaries for healthy parenting and children. They emphasize the need to teach children to use the main computer and establish healthy boundaries between children and parents, and to focus on life-saving habits and teacher-based learning for children. The importance of protecting children from media and not constantly rethinking their actions is emphasized, and parents are encouraged to set goals and create structure for their day. Prayer and understanding habits and obligations are also emphasized, and parents are encouraged to use their time to improve their personal lives.
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Assalamu alaikum dear sisters,
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this is Fatima Baraka tola on this Facebook Live session. For still we rise the sisters online
summit, which technically I believe ended last week. But Alhamdulillah, we still have this beautiful
group here on Facebook Live, which sister Nyima be Robert set up and have the lab. And I think it's
really a nice little space for us, especially our sisters to, I think support one another,
especially during this this difficult period, or I would say challenging period that we're all
globally going through.
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So I thought I would take
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this opportunity to share some thoughts with you that I've been thinking about some of the things
I've been thinking about some of the things we've been focusing on in our family
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Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah.
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We,
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I think it's been over a week. So I think a lot of us have kind of gotten used to the new normal
now, somewhat. And I don't know about you. But I started actually thinking about some of the
opportunities that this period of time when we're all at home, we've all been encouraged to stay at
home as much as possible. Here in the UK, that's what the latest advice is anyway, stay at home as
much as possible. Stay with your own household. So even if you go out, you know, maybe you go to the
park once a day, just for exercise.
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Go out for your needs. But any non essential travel, we've been told not to make it okay. So it's
really a strange kind of period. I mean, cafes are closed, restaurants are closed, except for
takeaway.
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shops are closed, like clothes shops are closed, you know, like, massive, you know, places malls,
like, you know, we've got a shopping center, Brent cross shopping center around here, and there is
also Westfield and these kind of big shopping centers. They're all like those towns, you know, it's
amazing panela I don't think I've ever experienced a period of time like this. And I'm sure you
haven't either. So this week, I started thinking about Hmm, how could we as a family use this time
as an opportunity? You know?
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So Pamela sisters, you know, one of the things about successful people, one of the, if you read lots
of biographies, and if you read literature on people who have been successful in their lives, one of
the things you notice is, it's not that they had the perfect resources. And it's not that they had
the perfect situation, or a perfect life, or circumstances, right? That made them successful.
Actually, actually, what you notice is
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what you notice is that, um,
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so panela it was their ability to adapt that ability to adapt to different situations, and continue
to carry out their vision, regardless of the circumstances, that really Suppan Allah,
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you know, help them to be successful, led to their success, right. So in other words, we were
carrying on with life in a certain way, maybe we were in a particular direction. And now we're
having this challenging period, or change of
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circumstances that we're all having to experience. Now, if we were to use this period in a powerful
and empowered way, what we should do is now adapt,
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and not change our vision. But
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change the mode with which we are going to achieve our vision. Right? And when I'm talking about
vision to what, especially vision for our families, right? This session is going to be about five
big lessons or five values to teach your kids during lockdown. Right. So let me tell you, the five
areas that I've decided in Sharla during this lockdown period, I'm going to be focusing on with my
with my little tribe of kids.
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And I'd love to hear from you and hear what ideas you've had.
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You know, maybe you've had some epiphanies during this time, you know, some ideas or you're, you're
thinking, wow, you know, that could actually really use this time to instill certain things in my
family, and my children and my family culture.
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By the way, sisters, I can't tell whether you can hear me or not, or whether you're seeing me fine
or not. I'd love it. If you left a comment, or you just made a couple of comments just to say, Hi,
like that you're here that you can hear me?
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I'm just gonna wait for you to, to
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do that.
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Yes, I've got one comment here. We can hear Okay, that's great. Great. Great to know. Great to know,
hamdulillah. Thank you for that. Thank you.
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Okay, can you do me also a little favor, and start thinking during this session about any ideas and
questions that you might have, you know, maybe you're facing something and you'd like to maybe pick
my brains on it. If I can help you, I will do so in shuttle. So, think of some questions, think of
some comments and do leave them, you know, as I'm speaking, and I shot a lot at the end of this
session, which will will not be a very long session in Charlotte, I'm just going to share my five
with you. And I'm going to answer any questions and share your ideas as well, in Sharla, because I
think you know, Subhanallah, you know that saying it takes a village to raise a child, right? takes
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a village to raise a child. So this is our village, right? We are this community of sisters in sha
Allah, we can be a village that support one another.
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In in raising our children, and some of the most amazing ideas that you get, as a mom is from other
moms, right? moms who have had more experience or moms who, maybe they're looking at things in a
different way that you never thought of looking at
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a situation in so we can really learn from each other. And so here are my five, okay, my five things
to teach your kids during lockdown. Okay, so my first area that I would, I'm going to be looking at
and I want you to focus on as well in sha Allah, I encourage you to focus on is
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reviewing our families, tech consumption, right.
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So the value here that I want to instill in my children is the value of real people and real
relationships. Right? Because so Pamela, so many of us, when we're going about our everyday lives,
when there's school when there's, you know, when normal life is
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outside of lockdown is taking place, what do we do? We tend to kind of be on autopilot, right? We
tend to be on autopilot. And what that means is we we allow certain things to slide, right, we just,
we get lazy As parents, we let our children do certain things that actually might not be that good
for them. Spend maybe too long on screens, right?
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And I think this is a really good time for us all to start actually thinking, you know, what, what
is the ideal amount of time and type of tech consumption that our family should be having? Right?
There's this funny or it's not funny, actually, it's quite depressing a cartoon that I saw where
there's like a dad and a child sitting on a sofa together, right. So along settee, and the father
and the child are sitting on the settee. And between them is this massive phone.
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Like as a barrier between the two, the Father and the Son, a massive iPhone, right? And Subhanallah
that kind of really illustrates what what's happening, you know, to our families. So Pamela,
families are sitting together, but they don't really together. Mom is on her phone that is checking
something, somebody is chatting on WhatsApp, you know, so Pamela, what's happening, what's happening
and what's going to happen? It's kind of scary. It's actually kind of scary.
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So I think it's really important for us all to review what kind of family do we want to be? And how
connected do we want to be? Do we have family dinners? Right? At what Excuse me.
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You have now right? I can understand When, when, you know, like, maybe people were working and then
going out to work. I mean, and
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you know, there was school and as crazy hectic weekdays
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that people might not have always been able to sit together and eat a meal as a family, right?
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But what excuse do we have now, you know, we should be using this time to sit together,
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like, you know, civilized human beings, and eat as a family. And in that wonderful interaction, we
get to teach our kids so much and they get to learn so much from us, you know, we get to be actually
interested in what, what's going on in their lives, what they're thinking about, let them share
their ideas, and also teach them some table manners. So
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I don't know about you. But you know, our kids end up spending so much time at school, is sometimes
they pick up some really
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terrible habits from, from their friends at school, right? So, review, tech consumption, and start
getting reconnected. I think that's my first thing, right? The value of real relationships is the
first value that I want to teach my kids during this time, some of the things that I would encourage
you to do is actually to have the main home computer, right, whatever the main computer is that
people work on
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the PC,
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in the common space, you know, not to allow children to have computers, and devices in their
bedrooms. Sisters, I really feel strongly about this actually. Because subpanel I meet so many moms,
who will tell me that they feel like they're disconnected from their kids, especially their
teenagers, moms who and dads who who feel that they lost,
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they lost their relationship with their child. And when you dig a little deeper, you realize for
years and years,
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for years and years, that child was basically spending their time in their bedroom, on a device,
disconnected from the family,
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and connected with the jungle of the world out there. Right? So panela How can we allow that to
happen? And how can we expect to do that, to allow our children to do that, and then expect there to
be any kind of decent relationship with them, right? They've been building relationships with this
virtual world, in their bedrooms, and span Allah God, Allah knows what kinds of things they're
getting exposed to people, they're being contacted by ideas, and, and things, you know, unhealthy
things that they might be exposed to. And then we are their parents in the same house. But we're
almost like on different planets.
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And I don't think there's any excuse brothers and sisters, because as parents, we are in charge. We
are in charge, right?
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Our children do not need us to be their pals. They don't need that from us. They need us to be their
parents, first and foremost. Right? What that means is somebody who sets the boundaries, somebody
who knows what's better, and knowing and loving that person, that child makes rules, right? And
takes a stand. Yes, takes the stand. And I think one of the key areas we all need to start taking a
stand on is technology consumption.
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Personally, I don't believe a child needs a smartphone. No, I don't believe a child needs a
smartphone. And I believe that it actually does more harm than good. Okay.
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And yes, I know, there's a lot of pressure and there are these parents who kind of give their kids
all the tech that's available in the latest thing and better phones than adults have, right? The
latest. But you know what? Those other families, those are the children. They're not your concern.
Your own child, and their well being is your concern. Right. And I think that's that's the important
message we need to give our kids right. Don't give me the example of some other family and how they
let their kids have everything, all the tech and all the time. You know, unfortunately, those types
of families, they're going to suffer the consequences. May Allah protect their children, but, you
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know, naturally speaking, there are going to be consequences of that kind of permissiveness, right?
For us, we need to be shepherds and take care of our own flock right and that
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means setting rules. And yes, sometimes it's rules that are unpopular, right. And one of those rules
for me definitely is no smartphones, no smartphones, for kids, until they're at a certain age, and
they show a certain level of maturity. And for me, that's usually a team. And I know that might
sound very old, but Subhanallah, you know, schools are actually
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suffering and schools are crying out to parents and saying, you know, please, can you take these
devices away from your, from the kids, because they cannot focus, they cannot focus on their
revision, they cannot focus on their schoolwork.
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When they're trying to do a project, they're just constantly distracted. So, dear sisters, I implore
you, as the you know, you are the rubber to debate, my dear sister, you are the number tilbake You
are the
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the law of the heart, how to translate that the lady of the house, you're the lady of the manor,
right? You get to set the rules,
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you and your husband. And so please, please take some time out to review your family's tech
consumption and set a digital sunset. Right, there should be a time in the evening when everyone
just puts their devices away. Right? But then to judge reconnect with your family. Okay, so that's
my first thing, right? review that. And please don't
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give your kids devices in their private spaces. Okay.
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The second value that I'm going to be focusing on during this time. So real opportunity for this is
the value of life skills, the value of habits. So, it's kind of like during normal school times, you
know, it's kind of hard sometimes to teach your kids every day things like doing the chores, doing
them really properly. Right. And, you know, like, when when somebody runs a company, what do they do
when they have
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an employee,
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and they're asking them to fulfill a role. They'll train them, right, you take the time to train
them properly, to be able to fulfill that role.
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And what happens in our families, sometimes what tends to happen is we don't teach our kids
properly, how to do those chores, how to do those things. So whether it's, you know, doing the
laundry, doing, I don't know, filling the dishwasher, or washing the dishes by hand, or tidying up a
space properly, right, or cleaning the bathroom, or sewing, you know, sewing a button.
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All those kinds of life skills, we don't take the time to train our kids how to do them properly.
And then when the time comes, when they're needed, what happens, sisters, what happens, we end up
doing everything, right, we end up doing everything because we think, Oh my gosh, it's just gonna be
quicker if I just do it myself, right. But the real problem isn't that it's quicker that you do it
yourself, it's that we never took the time, we never actually took the time to train our kids, we
never took the time to train our kids.
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So what I would encourage all of us during this time
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to make a list of the kinds of chores, the kinds of jobs, the kinds of life skills are children,
your child benefit depending on their age needs. And
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teach them properly take the time to teach them properly. So for example, one of my goals for one of
my kids is that he can prepare a meal, write the whole meal for the family.
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Because when things go back to normal, I want somebody in the house to be able to make a meal for
the family when I'm busy, right, for example, or even be able to make a basic meal for the younger
siblings, right? And then clear up and do the whole job, you know, from beginning to end. And that
takes time that takes training that takes you allowing them to do things, make mistakes, and then
correcting them right. And so during this time when we're in lockdown, and were with our kids day in
and day out. I'd really encourage you to think for each child a skill or a
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habit or life, something that'll benefit them in their lives, that you could help them to learn
really well and get into the habit of being able to do really well.
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Right. So for example, you know, I heard the psychologists saying that
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you want a child to learn to tidy their bedroom, right? Instead of saying, right, tidy your bedroom,
and that's like just one command that you give them, right, what you do is you break the task down,
you break the task down into its various parts. And depending on their age, you start off with the
smallest level of that task. And once they've mastered that, you grow the task, you keep extending
it until they can do the entire task. So maybe on the first day, especially if it's a young child,
you can say to them, right, today, I want you to pick up all the toys, and put them into that box.
Okay, simple task. When they're able to do that, then you might want to move on to something else.
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So you move on to you know, the books, for example, then you move on to something else. And then
eventually, when you say tidy the bedroom, the child will be able to do all those tasks, you know,
as they get older, and as they're, as they're, as they master each little part of that task. Right.
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I hope you're understanding what I mean by that. But yeah, I want you to make a list for yourself
for each of your children as to the important life skills, the chores, and the things that they can
help with around the house,
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that you can take the time during this lockdown period, to really teach them really well.
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Okay, so that's, that's number two. Number three,
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I'm going to use this time to teach them the value of
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and, and to correct their obligations, the obligations and the fundamentals.
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Many of us may have taught our children how to pray. And then, you know, we pray, they pray,
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especially when they are older, you might have Gemma in the house, etc.
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Now,
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sometimes what can happen is we assume our children know certain parts of the prayer, we assume they
know certain fundamentals of the deen. But actually, you know, we only taught the first child and,
you know, by the time the second child came along, or the third jaleo too busy, we didn't, we didn't
take the time to really make sure that they understood and they know their fundamentals. So dear
sisters, this is a great opportunity for us to revisit those fundamentals, right? So the salon, I
would encourage you to go through the salon, especially with the older kids who've already
established it. And those who are beginning to establish it,
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go over the whole salon with them from beginning to end, make sure they know each part of it, the
sutras the the hours the actions, you know,
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teach them about the fitrah acts. Right. So things like cutting the nails,
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trimming the hair trim, well, that's that's for you know, for for men for trimming the beard maybe
or, you know, the mustache, sorry, less if you've got all the sons, right.
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And apart from that things like, you know, remove hair removal and you know, the fitrah acts, the
fitrah acts, those things are oblique obligations that are on our children, especially when they
reach adolescence when they reach adulthood. That sometimes it can be easy for us to neglect. And we
just assume, oh, they'll read about it and they'll figure it out. No, it's really important that we
as moms take the time. Okay, all dads, you know, if it's with the older boys, if you think that's
more appropriate,
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you know, to take the time to actually go through those things, and make sure they know how to do
those things because some analog, they're going to leave arm soon, you know, when they get to a
certain age, you can't micromanage them anymore. And so it's really important that we've done our
duty as parents and we've at least conveyed to them the obligations right? and made sure that we
have conveyed to them the obligations properly and taught them taught it to them properly. Right. So
please take this time. Now I'm going to be doing this as well in Sharla. to revisit the salaat
revisit will do how to make will do what your child make will do. And then make sure they do it
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properly. Because sometimes when they've been doing it for a long time they start becoming Slack,
you know, maybe leaving pots on washed etc etc. And this is a great opportunity for us to a spend
time with our kids.
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Give them that attention that one to one attention, and be actually made sure that we've done our
job as parents, and conveyed those fundamentals to them properly, right.
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So the value of the deen the value of the fitrah, the acts the value of the obligations, that's my
number three. Number four,
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I'm going to be using this time to teach my children the value of time, the value of time. And the
way that I think we can help them do that, is by encouraging them every single week to make your own
weekly timetable, you know, and make a daily checklist for every day. So, for example, if they have
a time when you know, you let them I don't know, play on the computer and have or game do game it do
some gaming or whatever. Before that you want you say to them, for example, you know, obviously
different things suit different families. But in my family, for example, before they do that, before
they have their chill out time, they must complete X number of things on the checklist, right? That
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they've made for themselves. And so Pamela, just this small act, right, can really teach them the
value of time, and managing your time. Because how many of us when we left school, right, and we had
to like, basically, when we didn't have an institution, managing us, managing our time, how many of
us felt quite lost? You know, it's quite common, it's quite common for us when we don't have an
institution setting out our timetable for us right? To feel quite lost. Because we never learned the
skill of time management. We never learned the skill of actually planning our own day, making
checklists, being productive. And going through that, right. So I think this is a great opportunity,
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because they don't have that structure of school, schooling and the school day around them, for us
to teach them to be able to manage that themselves. You know, so you sit down, you talk about, you
know, what time do you think we should be waking up every day? Yeah, what time are we going to have
breakfast? What's the breakfast kind of period? If you have breakfast early, for example? When are
we going to do our daily exercise, right. And and another great thing you're getting to convey to
them is the value of each of these things, you know, giving time to your body, giving time to
preparing a good meal, giving time to learning, giving time to Salah, giving time for fun as well,
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right? So all of those things, what you're teaching your kids through that process of timetabling
and
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encouraging them to make their own checklist is how great it feels to be productive every single
day, right? And how we should apportion times for different things so that we can have a balanced
day. So I really encourage you to do that. I think it's a great thing. It's a great exercise
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to instill in our kids, because it's something they can do daily checklists, they can do daily, the
timetable they can do weekly.
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The fifth area that I'm really going to be focusing on
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is teaching my children the value of learning the value of learning.
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Every single day, they've got to learn something, right? Whether it's through reading a book,
listening to an audiobook, having an online lesson.
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I really think this is a great opportunity for us to teach our kids the value and the
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get a passion for learning, not learning that's forced on you by a class right? At school, but
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you know, just thinking of things that you'd like to learn about. I think that's one of the things
that homeschool is always saying is great right about homeschooling, but you can have much more kind
of child led learning.
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Well, similar thing here, you know, we can use this time, okay, when there's no school, and I would
say for example, what I've, what I've planned to do is with each of my kids, there are certain areas
that I want them to focus on. Right. So during these next few weeks, and you know, Subhanallah we've
been told it could be up to six months, that in Charlie, you know, it's not going to be that hard,
but it could be up to six months that things are not going to be normal. Right? Six months.
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Three weeks, they're going to review the situation. Okay? So we're going to start thinking six
months. For me in those six months, with one of my children, for example, I've identified I want
them to have a regular Arabic classes online, right. And I've, I can inshallah, after this session,
I will post a link to the
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the institute that saw a few Institute's that I know of in Egypt, they do great online lessons for
kids, even young kids. And what they do is they have, you know, a teacher who speaks in Arabic,
initially, she might use a little bit of English, she or he, but they use pictures, they have like
an online whiteboard, and they use zoom,
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and panela. Within a lesson or two, your child starts speaking Arabic, because they're having to
respond to that teacher. And it's amazing, it's beautiful. And it's amazing. And
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I want to use this time to focus on that, because that's something I can't focus on during school
days. Right. And also, because it's conducive to the situation, right? That's what I meant by,
sometimes you have to change your mode of learning, it doesn't mean the learning stops, right.
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Also, with one of my sons, and I'd like him to revise his score. And so again, online, you can find
online tutors. And suppilers not very expensive, especially, you know, when it's a teacher from
Egypt, or, you know, one of those countries.
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And he can revise his score. And so what we're doing is we're kind of instituting a structure, where
you don't have a class to go to the class, you bring the class to your home, right, but the learning
never stops. That's one example. Another example is another child of mine, you know, I know that in
a year or two, they're going to have to do an entrance exam, to get into a secondary school, right.
So you know, the typical
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00:32:16
math, English, verbal or non verbal reasoning.
00:32:17 -->
00:32:24
Now, this is a great opportunity for me to make that the daily thing that we focus on
00:32:26 -->
00:32:51
something that I wouldn't be able to do during school, when when school was in, right. So, again,
whatever is it's going to be very personal to you, you go through each of your children, and you
think to yourself, what does what could that person that child benefit from in the next six months,
or the next few months that we could make the main focus of the next six months
00:32:53 -->
00:33:35
for one of your children, it may be you know, that you want them to finish reading the Quran from
beginning to end, you know, and you want to make that a daily practice, every single day, 10
minutes, half an hour, they read Quran, bit by bit by bit until scrambling six months, definitely,
they will either finish or they will get very, very far. You know, even if they read a page a day,
they would get very, very far in that we've been half a page, you know, depending on their level and
their age, so it's really something that you're going to have to like personally, think about for
each child. But I think if we take the time to do that, my dear sisters, inshallah, this period of
00:33:35 -->
00:34:24
time, these six months, or even if it ends up being three months or less, will have been so
fruitful, we'll be we'll have something tangible at the end, to say, you know, what, we achieved
that during this period with our kids, right? My son, my daughter learned that life skill during
that period. So, again, in summary, teaching them reviewing family tech consumption, number one,
number two, the value of habits so teaching them life skills, and chores, right, number three, going
over the obligations and the fundamentals of the game, the fitrah acts, the Salah, the will do, how
to make also, you know all those kinds of things, we really need to make sure they know how know
00:34:24 -->
00:34:26
each aspect of them properly.
00:34:27 -->
00:34:36
Number four, value of time teaching them to make their own timetable to make their own plan for the
day and a checklist.
00:34:38 -->
00:34:43
And then number five, the value of daily learning.
00:34:44 -->
00:34:59
Let them learn something so that bit by bit so that by the end of this period, they'll have actually
completed something tangible in sha Allah. So this is I'm going to have a look to see if any of you
have posted any questions.
00:35:00 -->
00:35:07
Ha, I can see, my dear sister Nyima has joined
00:35:08 -->
00:35:36
and we've got okay. Mashallah sister Rashida says excellent ideas. So Paula some of these ideas I've
got from other sisters, you know, who, on a whatsapp group that I was on, one of the sisters said
she's going to go through all the fitrah acts with her kids. And I thought, Wow, what a great idea,
you know, because I'm not really sure you know, if especially my eldest or you know, if I know that
I did teach them at one point, but you know, these things need reviewing, right?
00:35:38 -->
00:35:42
One of the sisters is saying feeling lost with time.
00:35:45 -->
00:35:46
That must be
00:35:47 -->
00:35:50
why my girls are fighting so much.
00:35:51 -->
00:36:36
Time management. Okay, so, yeah, so Hello, I think all of us felt a bit lost initially, right. And
that's what happens when that kind of structure is kind of taken away the structure of your familiar
day and your and schooling. And, you know, I mean, I love the fact that on school days, you wake up
early, you know, you have to get out. And doesn't matter what you did the night before, you have to
get up you to get out. And I had a lovely little routine going, you know, I used to drop my kids to
school, go for my half an hour walk, very fast walk while listening to an audio book. And then I
would go for my morning coffee. And that was my reading time. And while I'm having my coffee at this
00:36:36 -->
00:36:48
wonderful place, that panel is closed now, right, is closed during this period. It's like this
gourmet coffee place. I used to be sitting there with my lovely book for the day,
00:36:49 -->
00:36:54
which I would start my day off with. And it was kind of get me into that
00:36:55 -->
00:37:07
productivity mode. SubhanAllah. And that kind of even just that basic morning routine. being taken
away can be a little bit, you know,
00:37:08 -->
00:37:42
I don't know, it just it just kind of throws you off course. Right. But look, I think, in a way, so
Pamela, that's the skill that we're being taught. Allah subhanaw taala is teaching us you know, when
all of the structure around you has been pulled away? What are you gonna do? And actually, I think
that's why a lot of us having a lot of trouble during this period, not just us, I mean, society at
large. People are thinking, Oh, my God, without all my, you know, structure around me, what am I?
Who am I?
00:37:43 -->
00:37:53
People are having access existential crises, sisters. And I think that's kind of natural. Because
when all the kind of,
00:37:54 -->
00:38:41
you know, all the little things that we put around us, the the, our job, our work, our schooling,
our structures, our institutions, when they're all ripped away from us, all that's left is us. And
we're kind of faced with having to ask the most fundamental questions, like, Who am I? What does my
life stand for? You know, what kind of family have I raised? I think a lot of us having to face that
as well. You know, I mean, literally, people are like, having issues with their spouses and
SubhanAllah. You know, it shouldn't be like that shouldn't be like that. But it's kind of inevitable
in a way because for the first time, everyone is having to spend so much time together, all day
00:38:41 -->
00:38:42
every day.
00:38:43 -->
00:38:50
But Subhan, Allah, perhaps Allah subhanaw taala has given us this opportunity to renegotiate our
relationships, right?
00:38:51 -->
00:39:01
And to actually take a really take stock, take stock of what's been going on in our families. And
sometimes that only becomes really apparent
00:39:02 -->
00:39:10
when everything stops, right. And you're having to like, sit there and watch your kids eat at
dinnertime, like
00:39:11 -->
00:39:12
I
00:39:13 -->
00:39:17
you, how can you eat like that? You know?
00:39:18 -->
00:39:29
That's one of the things I'm struggling with at the moment. Right? I'm teaching our kids how to eat
nicely, teaching them how to use a knife properly. I
00:39:30 -->
00:39:46
can't believe I'm telling you these things. But sisters, I'm telling you, there are things that
we're realizing and noticing about our families that maybe have been either neglected, or because
they've been at school and because they've been with other people, they've picked up bad habits.
00:39:47 -->
00:39:53
So this is our chance. This is our chance to Watson or
00:39:54 -->
00:39:59
face up to what our families are what our family culture
00:40:00 -->
00:40:10
the good and the bad of it, you know, what our family culture has become? And how we can actually re
take take control back. Take control back. So Pamela
00:40:12 -->
00:40:18
so yeah, listen, if you're having trouble with time management, I handle that every day is a new
day, right?
00:40:19 -->
00:40:39
Correct. Create a plan, create a plan, make it a little bit better than today was and try to stick
to that tomorrow. Right? And then the next day, make it a little bit better, make it a little bit
better. That's that's life. You know, just keep tweaking it and making building habits back in your
day.
00:40:44 -->
00:40:52
Mashallah, my daughter is frustrated with Coronavirus situation, how do I respond? So, Pamela, that
sounds challenging.
00:40:54 -->
00:41:11
And it's really important to well, depending on how old your daughter is to kind of take the time to
sit and listen to what exactly she thinks the current situation is even because I think sometimes
some of our kids have internalized
00:41:12 -->
00:41:31
incorrect notions about what's going on. And even if they've, you know, they understand what's going
on. I think a, it's really important to protect them from the constant media, right? We don't need
to expose them to all that. So Pamela, you know, the world,
00:41:32 -->
00:41:40
the world can carry on, you know, the world will carry on the world has been, has been spinning and
continues to spin
00:41:41 -->
00:41:45
for centuries and centuries and centuries and centuries, right millennia.
00:41:46 -->
00:41:51
And we as human beings, being obsessed with the news, and constantly listening to it, and
00:41:52 -->
00:42:36
it's not going to change anything. You know, of course, we need to be updated every day. Okay, fine.
Have the moment once a day maybe to keep updated, but I think we need to protect our children from
the constant media stuff, right? constant negativity, and SubhanAllah. Sometimes us as Muslims, you
know, we post some really stupid things, and share some really dumb things on on WhatsApp and other
places like that without checking, you know, without a fact checking. And also without really
considering how is this going to affect the mental health of the person who I'm sending this to?
Right. So I think it's really important for us to not constantly be thinking about this Coronavirus
00:42:36 -->
00:42:50
situation and not constantly be talking about it. show our children, you know, as the Prophet
sallallahu wasallam said, even when the day of judgment is coming, right, and you're planting
something, you continue planting it.
00:42:51 -->
00:43:30
You continue planting it, sisters, so we have to teach them that attitude. They're watching us. And
that's what I meant in the last session where I said, we've got to be role models, because they're
watching us to see how we're responding, are we going to fall apart? Or are we going to be react and
respond in a powerful and empowered way. So these sisters, you know, let's reassure our children.
Let's show them that you know Allah, reconnect them with the with the Hadith, of the Prophet
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, especially, I would go through the 40 hadith of in my movie without
children. Those are like the most important fundamental habits that our kids need to know. And then
00:43:30 -->
00:43:38
one of them, you know, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam told us that, it's kind of like he
told one of the Sahaba that
00:43:41 -->
00:44:20
if the whole world was together against you, right, and want to harm you, with something that Allah
had not written, they would never be able to harm you. And if the whole world was together for you,
with some to try to benefit you in something that Allah had not written for you, they will not be
able to, we need to reconnect them with those beliefs with the acleda that we have, you know, and
this is the time for them to learn that because later on in life, when we're not with them, they're
going to face stuff. We don't want them to not be resilient, resilient, we want them to be
resilient. It's really important. So I hope that helps.
00:44:22 -->
00:44:37
Just like the hiring stuff, or breaking it all down for us. I missed the beginning, however, so is
it possible to list them after you finish? Yeah, this recording is going to be available on this
page. Anyway, after this. disorienting is the word I believe Noma says yes.
00:44:39 -->
00:44:41
This orienting Subhana Allah
00:44:43 -->
00:44:59
Well, you know, that's the thing when you feel disoriented, what do you do you you need to reorient
yourself, right? Get that map out. Get that compass and figure your own way right. Salaam says can
you give us a practical practical tips of how to
00:45:00 -->
00:45:03
The routine of crime recitation on daily basis for teenagers.
00:45:06 -->
00:45:18
I'm sorry for me get a tutor. That's, that's my way. Okay, so I'm, um, I'm having like, online tutor
for my sons to one of them to
00:45:19 -->
00:45:33
do his daily revision, okay, and new memorization. And the other two, just review the whole plan,
the one who has finished to see if I want him to read the whole Quran, maybe do it with ijazah. And
00:45:34 -->
00:45:43
just review, you know, and for me, the way that I'm going to make that work, and for you, it might
be different is to have
00:45:45 -->
00:45:54
either every day, or at least once a week, or every three days, I haven't 100% decided yet, but I
have started the process
00:45:56 -->
00:46:28
online class every morning, right? So they have to literally get go to the computer every morning.
And they've got that teacher there to hold them to account and go through that with them. For me,
that's, that's what's going to work and and you really need to identify what's gonna work for you,
right? Are you available to be the person who sits with them every single morning and set a time and
you and you do this? Or having an online tutor? Is it gonna work, I mean, the online tutor costs
like,
00:46:29 -->
00:46:35
six or $7, I think an hour or something like that. It's really not that expensive for
00:46:36 -->
00:46:37
for most of us, you know.
00:46:38 -->
00:46:39
So
00:46:40 -->
00:46:44
I would encourage you to create the structures and you know, the,
00:46:45 -->
00:46:48
the institutions that you need for your own family.
00:46:50 -->
00:46:58
Okay, I'm having trouble in salon management, gosh, Subhanallah salon management. Now, that depends
on their ages, obviously.
00:46:59 -->
00:47:09
But I would say, and I know it takes effort, but this is what we have to do. If you've got an older
son, oldest daughter, you can make them responsible for,
00:47:11 -->
00:47:31
you know, managing the soul of the family, right, it's your job together to get everyone to come for
Gemma. And at the beginning of the day, or at the beginning of the week, you sit with that elder
child and you say, Okay, these look at the prayer times, right.
00:47:32 -->
00:47:45
And this is what we're, these are the times that we're going to pray for her, especially fathered by
her, as her mother, you know, if you're if you're trying to pray in JAMA, which I would encourage
everyone to do as much as possible.
00:47:46 -->
00:48:24
Otherwise, you're gonna have to do that, you know, every morning, you're gonna have to take a look
at the prayer times, or if you've got you know, an app or something for that, you're gonna have to
take a look. And you're gonna have to mentally make a note of where those prayer times are going to
be. Or if you make that timetable with your kids, which is why I'm really encouraging you to do
that. If you make that timetable with your kids. And when I say with them, I don't mean for them, I
mean, sit with them and get them to do it. With your kind of help. You can get them to slot in when
they're going to pay the hair right? When they're going to pay us or when they're going to pay.
00:48:24 -->
00:48:39
Margaret, Misha etc. Right. So I think we have to have when it comes to salon, we should make that
the priority. We should make that the thing that I think helps us structure our day, because it's a
must.
00:48:41 -->
00:48:47
I'm not really sure exactly what the nature of Salah management problems that you're having sister.
00:48:49 -->
00:49:26
But I would say, again, you know, when when we feel overwhelmed and disoriented. I think it's really
important to try to fix things a bit at a time. You know, don't try to have the perfect day. So if
you missed fudger this morning, right? If you missed the budget this morning, tomorrow is the day
you're not going to miss budget, that's going to be your focus, right? Then the next day, for
example, you could try to improve things a little bit more, a little bit more, right. have that kind
of long term view and inshallah things will improve slowly, slowly.
00:49:33 -->
00:49:48
hamdulillah lots of comments. Whenever I pray my kids are with me and my son wants to be the mom all
the time. He's four and although knows his prayer, and two little kids are just run around me
disrupting my
00:49:49 -->
00:49:59
soul, Pamela, you know what sisters, we're gonna be rewarded for all of that. For all the things we
have to be patient with. Right? We'll be rewarded for that. So hang in
00:50:00 -->
00:50:01
And do your best.
00:50:04 -->
00:50:23
Sister says I'm struggling trying to get my five children to sit this week for school lessons. Last
week, I found it a little easier to maintain a school structure and mother's lessons. But this week,
I'm finding it tough as the children do not want to do any of it. But you'd be ignoring people
having Sorry, I shouldn't love. Sorry, sister.
00:50:24 -->
00:50:32
They're either ignoring me or having a tantrum, can you suggest any ideas of what I can do, please?
511 three.
00:50:34 -->
00:50:35
So Pamela, you got your hands full?
00:50:37 -->
00:50:40
Well, now last fall and make it easy for your sister. And
00:50:43 -->
00:50:49
it's okay to let go of the structure sometimes, you know, it's okay. SubhanAllah.
00:50:51 -->
00:51:04
Sometimes we need that space. And maybe they they need it, you know, maybe they need it, that we
just literally just chill out for a week, chill out for a week if you have to, right. But during
that week,
00:51:06 -->
00:51:10
you need to set things going right. So you need to start preparing for the next week.
00:51:12 -->
00:51:52
If you want there to be a structure the next week, but I think there is some utility in allowing our
kids to have an unstructured day as well, you know, Subhanallah I think sometimes we over structure
things as well. So I'm not encouraging us to over structure, when I say make timetable, make it a
flexible timetable, you know, make like big chunks of time, not like you know, small little slots, I
mean, get them to start thinking about their day, get them to start really planning. Generally, you
know what I'm going to do at this time, what I'm going to do this one I'm going to have achieved,
but not to have a kind of
00:51:53 -->
00:52:00
tyrannical structure over you, right? Because all that does is just becomes too difficult. But also,
00:52:01 -->
00:52:43
it just gives you feelings of failure at the end of the day, because it's too difficult to stick to,
right. So look, you've got your hands full, you're not going to be necessarily having to make things
as rigid as that, you know, so panela, but you could think of the day in terms of, for example,
morning, afternoon, or early afternoon and evening, right? Rather than time slots, you can like work
by in the morning, I'm going to focus on this in the middle of the day, we're going to focus on this
and at the end of the day is going to be I don't know, dinner and all of that right? clearing up,
etc. So I think we have to make, you know, we have to adjust according to our children's ages and
00:52:44 -->
00:52:49
their situation. I also think there's a lot of utility and allowing children to be bored.
00:52:51 -->
00:52:54
I really do. And I think sometimes we feel like we have to constantly entertain them.
00:52:55 -->
00:53:14
No, we don't have to constantly entertain them. It's actually quite healthy for them to sit and
Daydream. It's quite healthy for them to go to their bedrooms and read a book, contemplate, think,
be bored. Yes, people would. If you're never bored, you're never going to value not being bored.
00:53:16 -->
00:53:21
And I'm sure that some of the greatest ideas and thoughts
00:53:22 -->
00:53:26
in history have come through people sitting and being bored.
00:53:30 -->
00:53:39
Okay, can you please provide a list of things that children must know islamically by the time they
are 10 or 11 years old?
00:53:40 -->
00:53:41
must know.
00:53:42 -->
00:53:47
Okay and shallow. We can think about that. I would say obviously,
00:53:49 -->
00:54:22
you know, you want them to know all the different aspects. First of all, you know, I'm always
emphasizing instilling in our kids their relationship with Allah. Right and that comes with the way
you are with Allah, the way you are with the Quran, but also sitting and making dua with them, so
that they learn how to connect to Allah, right? They're not going to learn that through you just
telling them pray to Allah, you have to model it for them. Right? So once they've started to develop
that relationship with Allah,
00:54:24 -->
00:54:35
then we obviously think about the first obligations which are the Salah, Salah is the first
obligation and the main obligation that's going to be on them for the rest of their lives, right.
00:54:36 -->
00:54:41
So that's going to mean breaking down the Salah, all the different aspects of the Salah
00:54:42 -->
00:54:56
all the different blahs all the actions and slowly but surely teaching those to them right. So
things like so that sort of add to her the short sources of the Quran for example, the
00:54:57 -->
00:54:59
the God that you say and the different parts
00:55:00 -->
00:55:01
So the seller, right?
00:55:02 -->
00:55:04
teaching that to them slowly but surely.
00:55:06 -->
00:55:20
And then going through the wholesaler with them, letting them just join you. But then eventually
actually breaking it down and going through each part to make sure you know, you're you watch them
do it, and then you correct them in that.
00:55:22 -->
00:55:25
And then you keep doing that regular intervals, you know,
00:55:26 -->
00:55:45
there is a select calendar that is quite useful. When you have young kids, I think learning routes,
the company learning routes, they do a select calendar, which some kids find very useful. So they
put a sticker every time they do this a lot for that day. So you could make it for example,
initially, you know,
00:55:46 -->
00:55:57
in week one, you've got to at least have prayed one prayer every day, week two, you could increase
that to 2345. Like that, especially when they're young.
00:55:58 -->
00:56:21
But I would say you would want to aim that by the age of 1011, that they're praying the five
prayers, however, they're praying it, this, they've got that concept of stopping and praying those
five prayers. So you want to start early, maybe start when they're seven, not doesn't mean they're
perfect, when they're seven, but start the process at least, right.
00:56:24 -->
00:56:25
also things like,
00:56:27 -->
00:56:34
I need to think about it a little bit in Sharla. But for me, the salah and their connection with
Allah, that's going to be the most important.
00:56:35 -->
00:56:59
And for me, focusing on getting them to be able to read the Quran is very important. Okay, up to the
age of 10, read the Quran, and read the Quran from beginning to end. Even if they're not doing his
cover the whole program. For me, my aim has always been, at least for them to know just a month,
okay, which is the 30th part of the Quran.
00:57:00 -->
00:57:04
And for them to have read the Quran from beginning to end,
00:57:05 -->
00:57:27
at least you know, in their childhood, once. And that takes patience. And initially, sometimes it's
like reading a word a day, or a sentence, you know, an idea a day, then you slowly build it up to
half a page a day, until it becomes a page a day. And then you just maintain that until they
complete the whole Qur'an at least once.
00:57:28 -->
00:57:41
For me, that's, that's, that's been my aim. But you know, you can create your own aims as well,
right? For your own child and your own situation, is it acceptable to pray behind a four year old?
00:57:46 -->
00:57:48
I actually need to look into that more.
00:57:51 -->
00:57:56
Okay, because I guess it depends on the four year old. But
00:57:57 -->
00:58:02
generally speaking, when my when my kid was four, and
00:58:03 -->
00:58:07
she really wanted to lead me in Salah, and really, really wanted to lead me
00:58:10 -->
00:58:13
I would allow her to and then I would do my cell afterwards.
00:58:15 -->
00:58:26
Because I want to encourage her right? The reason why it could be problematic is because, you know,
first of all they will do right.
00:58:27 -->
00:58:30
The second thing is they're just generally you know, like
00:58:32 -->
00:58:40
the recitation sometimes is not correct, or they miss things and you know, etc, etc. So,
00:58:41 -->
00:58:44
because of that, I would be wary of
00:58:45 -->
00:59:03
kind of praying behind a four year old but also islamically You know, it is the case that really
you're supposed to allow the head of the house to lead the Salah, or the person who knows the most
Qur'an to lead the Salah, you know, so that could be a child.
00:59:04 -->
00:59:08
But I doubt it's going to be the four year old.
00:59:10 -->
00:59:13
So, yeah, to allow them to lead you
00:59:15 -->
00:59:17
to encourage them. Fine.
00:59:18 -->
00:59:22
But personally, I would repeat that Salah myself privately
00:59:23 -->
00:59:24
and they're not looking
00:59:26 -->
00:59:32
just to be on the short side. And so sisters, I think I do believe
00:59:34 -->
00:59:39
we've come to the end of this session. Can you please provide a list of things okay.
00:59:40 -->
00:59:44
And I'm seeing moments actually trying.
00:59:47 -->
00:59:48
might have missed something.
00:59:51 -->
00:59:52
Okay.
01:00:01 -->
01:00:18
Let me just look up in sha Allah the issue of praying behind a child because I've never really
looked into it except for an older child. So for an older child, Yes, fine, you know, a child who
recites properly and things like that. But
01:00:19 -->
01:00:21
very, very young child.
01:00:22 -->
01:00:25
Yeah, I just need to look into that a bit more. I don't want to give an answer
01:00:26 -->
01:00:44
without being short. Okay. So anyway, sisters, I think that we have come to the end of this session,
which is our Kamala Harris. And I hope that it was just like, a little space for us to start
thinking about some of these things, right? Start thinking about,
01:00:45 -->
01:00:57
okay, you know, how can I use this time to maximize the benefit for my family, and maybe there are
opportunities, and maybe it's a time I could focus on some stuff that I've been neglecting, right?
01:00:59 -->
01:01:11
That actually is going to really serve them for the rest of their lives, you know, so Pamela, some
of the, the greatest memories that you've probably got, as well from your own childhood are times
when
01:01:12 -->
01:01:22
maybe it was kind of unplanned, but you've got to spend extra time with your parents, or with other
people. And you really learn a lot from that period, right?
01:01:23 -->
01:01:53
So inshallah, hopefully, this can be beneficial in that way as well. So let's let us seize, seize
the benefit of every situation that wherever in not be victims of circumstance, but, you know,
actually be resourceful, and use our time in the best way that we can. Our children are growing up
so quickly, so handle the growing up so quickly, and very soon, they'll be gone, they'll be gone
from any, they'll fly the nest.
01:01:55 -->
01:02:01
And so this is the time and opportunity we have sisters to really when we have that attention.
01:02:03 -->
01:02:15
And we have them in our nest, to really instill in them and to fix certain things, right that need
fixing in the culture of our families, in our homes.
01:02:17 -->
01:02:31
Alhamdulillah Hamdulillah, Allah Subhana Allah gave us different opportunities, different tests that
you know, actually, we could benefit from as well. Right.
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01:02:39
And that teach us a lot. Teach us a lot. May Allah Subhana Allah bless you, my dear sister as well
and make it easy for you
01:02:41 -->
01:02:58
in sha Allah, with that, I will leave you and I will bid you farewell. salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah
wa barakato subhanak Allahumma will be handy get a shuttle alert Isla Atlanta a stuffy look at what
to be late. Salam alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh
