Edris Khamissa – Personal Empowerment – Series 2 – Episode 3

			I greet you with the greetings of peace. I'm your host party my alley. In the first series brother
Idris camisa antidote Lacan dealt with moving from where you are to where you want to be. Due to the
tremendous popularity of that first series and the overwhelming requests for a series on human
relations. We offer you this inspiring presentation on the path to positive relationships with
yourself and with others. In this series, our presenters Idris camisa, Asadullah Khan, will be
focusing on the path to positive relationships. The topics to be discussed are one, getting in touch
with a real you to emotional wisdom, three, improving human relations for the friends you choose.
		

			Idris camisa is an international consultant in education, and Human Development. He began his career
as a teacher of English. His passion and expertise for the subject culminated in his nomination as
the chairman of the English Society of South Africa. He embraced the Muslim school movement in 1987,
and since then, has been a head teacher of three schools. He has conducted numerous workshops in
Australia, United States, Canada, England, Middle East, Nigeria, Lusaka and throughout South Africa.
He was one of the founding members of EME South Africa. He is an advisory member of ibor
International Board of educational research and resources. He is the co author of the ibor manual
		

			for Muslim schools. His expertise is installed development and curriculum design. His creativity
made him a dynamic lecturer in didactics, and methodology at epsa International Peace University of
South Africa. He also conducts in service training for business corporations. As a parenting expert
as a marriage counselor. he conducts workshops on these topics. Youth Leadership is another area of
his focus. He is a regular guest on National and Community Radio stations. Shift study Lacan has
studied law in South Africa, journalism through Britain and religious studies in Egypt. He co
presented a weekly wise living television program in the USA, from the streets of LA to the heart of
		

			the world. He has presented papers at numerous international conferences in Malaysia, Belgium,
Nigeria, Egypt, USA, Iran, Botswana, Canada, Sierra Leone, Sri Lanka, Kuwait, Mexico and Turkey. He
is the author of dimensions of the Quran, and co translator of classical text, a pistol for the
seekers of guidance. saddler Khan has served as lecturer for the Academy of Judeo Christian and
Islamic Studies at UCLA. Currently, he serves as director of empower development international as a
motivational speaker, addressing issues of personal empowerment, youth development, leadership
training, art of communication, and fostering interfaith interfaith understanding and cooperation.
		

			We greet you with the greetings of peace. I'm your host Fatima Ali. And in this series, our
presenters Idris Cammisa and Sadie Lacan focus on the path to positive relationships. The theme to
be discussed in this session is improving human relations, brother Idris, in our attempt at
improving human relations, what does human relationships as a subject entail? I think, many people
have the erroneous notion, they can go through life without interacting other people, they can
isolate themselves, but those that find true success are people who are able to interact with fellow
humanity. And that's part of our responsibility is part of what we do. And I would also before I
		

			really define that thing, it's critical for people to understand the importance of human relation
because the person listening to the CD might say, you know what, I don't have any friends, I don't
interact with anyone, I'm happy. You think you are happy when you interact with others get to know
them, because they are those individuals can help you understand who you really are. So human
relationships really entails the following. It could be based on marriage.
		

			It could be through affiliation, maybe you are part of the same club, but same society, the same
team as it were. kinship is through family relationships, all kinds of
		

			relationships through affinity, maybe you are inclined towards a certain hobby, whatever, or even
some ideals. And this is part of who we are. And you speak to anyone, no one can really say that I
have no association, you all have association of sorts. But how we deal with associations are very,
very critical. And I'm hoping that those individual listening to the CD would really do a bit of
self reflection, and see how best having listened to it and able to enhance those relationships make
it far more meaningful than what it is at the moment, latching on to the different roles that we
play with in society and the different associations that we have just a doula would it be correct to
		

			say that knowing how to deal with people is the foundation for effective human relations. Indeed,
Fatima. I mean, human relations, as explained in define is about being connected or associated with
others or to others, whether by blood or by marriage, or by affiliation, whether by kinship, or
affinity, or even by ideals.
		

			It's a particular type of connection, existing between human beings, and relating to how we deal
with each other, at times are of choice like friendship, at times, without option, for example,
family. I mean, you don't choose to be born into a particular family. So you're born into that
family, such as your parents or your parents, and by your choice and your children or your children,
not by your choice, friends, or by choice, and the choice of friends, is so important. And perhaps
in the next CD or next session, we may deal with the notion of choosing friends. But it's very
correct what you're saying Fatima, knowing how to deal with people, effectively, is the foundation
		

			for ideal human relations. Because the way we relate to people significantly affects how we live as
social beings, that we are born in live independently in a way we are interdependent beings. And
this greatly determines the quality of our communal life that we experience.
		

			You find in various cultures and
		

			ideologies and philosophies. You find the notion of social relations being an essential component of
even the fate, ideology or even of the culture.
		

			And this clearly indicates the significance of human relations to human existence. You know, why is
once I've said that among the most important ingredients in the formula for a successful and
fulfilling life, is knowing how to get along with people. In fact, the renowned scientists, Albert
Einstein said and I quote, strange is our situation here on Earth. Each of us comes for a short
visit, not knowing why yet sometimes seeming to do a divine purpose. From the standpoint of daily
life. However, there's one thing we do know that man is here for the sake of other men, and you find
this reflected in various cultures. In fact, one of the great poets of the East, Altaf Hussain Holly
		

			said, this is worship. This is religion. This is faith that human beings be of benefit to humanity
and to the rest of creation. So indeed, human relations into human relations that even human beings
in the relationship with the rest of creation is fundamental for human existence as a social being.
Interestingly enough, behavioral scientists, Dr. Halliwell, Jamison stated, and I quote,
relationships of all kinds are like sand held in your hand, held loosely with an open hand, the sand
remains where it is, the minute you close your hand and squeezed tightly to hold on, the sand
trickles through your fingers, you might hold on to some of it, but most will be spoiled. The
		

			relationship is like that held loosely with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely
to remain intact, but hold too tightly to possessively. And the relationship slips away and is lost.
Rather, it is. Could you kind of comment on this, I think these are very, very profound words are
like the analogy, the metaphor of the sand. And if I were to explain it, the whole idea if you hold
something loosely, and it's so important to do that, because you're not smothering it, you're
allowing the, the second or the other person to grow. You're allowing it individuality, and its
freedom. And the idea of if you hold something very, very tightly, it's about smothering someone,
		

			it's suffocating. In other words, you're imposing yourself it is a domineering and a relationship
and it's such relationship, what happens it is one sided, you are what I call a control freak, the
other person becomes a victim of the relationship. He does not grow because of his interaction with
you, because he does not learn anything from you except how to control other human beings is very,
very important for us to understand that many people often
		

			complain about and you find that many people who contemplate suicide more often than not, it's about
human relationships is about sadness. I've yet to come across a person who says, well, because of
the tsunami, I killed myself in other parts of the world, yes, if he lost his family members,
perhaps he contemplates it or not condoning it. The same token we look at a person despondent, is
often about his child, about his friend is about his wife, that's a reality. So the ability to
manage so the critical word is how you manage relationships. In other words, it's not the same
brush. For this, every person, you got to deal with every person depending on those needs. And
		

			similarly, this metaphor is such a brilliant metaphor, the whole idea in our relationships with each
other, we help each other to grow, we do not smother them, we allow them their identity with not
stifle them, but not stifle the creativity, neither we stunt the imagination. In fact, such
relationships that are positive are those in which both people grow because we should be mutually
enriching, it mustn't be one, where there is a kind of self enrichment that means that sincerity is
not there is not an innocent relationship is not based on the idea of support for each other, and,
and what is important, and what is critical in life. And we need to reflect and ask yourself, why
		

			are you his friend? Why? Who is the beneficiary of the relationship? Look at your marital
relationship? What kind of relationship is this? Are you smothering your wife? Is she allowed to
grow? How are you defining her? Look at your children? Are they growing? Are you trying to control
them? Are they being smothered? And it's very important, the only way you understand that sometimes
we do these things. unwittingly, it's very critical for us to get feedback. Now in a situation where
a person is holding the center tightly and smothering that individual, that other individuals, a
victim of the relationship would be too intimidated to express his feelings, and express also,
		

			perhaps, his disdain. And so what is happening. So therefore, I encourage each one of you look at
critically all your relationships, go to your wife or your husband and say, listen, we marry for us
for such a period of time. Do I allow you to grow? Do I hold you too tightly, and you'll be
surprised at what they're going to say. It's not so much how you ought to perceive yourself. It's
also important how others perceive you. So it's NSX Sadler mentioned quite rightly, when he spoke
about this, this is really the foundation for not only effective human relationships, it's a
foundation for happiness, a foundation for growth is a foundation for tranquility, and your home.
		

			Instead of being a place of contestation, it can be a site of it can be like a sanctuary for you. To
truly engage the subject of improving human relations, I suggest that we focus on seven essentials
for improving human relations that you have provided me. Sure, let's start with you. Number one, be
genuine and sincere. That's the fundamental basis of any action.
		

			genuineness is who you are, who you really are the core of your very being and why you do what you
do. And sincerely is your moral compass. that determines the reason why you do what you do. That's
why in some traditions, you have the notion that actions are by intentions, the actions themselves
are not as valuable, as the intention that precedes them, that motivates them. So in that regard, to
be authentic as better it is always as be authentic, be genuine, you don't try to relate to others
by trying to impress them through acting like you think they want you to be. Because then you are
not going to be who you are. be genuine from the start. And each person will have a chance to see
		

			you who you are, if they can be comfortable with with your perspective or you with their
perspective, and with your lifestyle and they will see your lifestyle.
		

			You see wise ones have said, If you truly know who you are, and you know what you value, and you
stand firmly for what you believe, and have the courage to act on what you believe. You cannot help
but be sincere. Sincerity is fundamental. It's the essence of anything is a true measure of any act
or any thought sincerely simplifies one's life. It improves integrity enhances one's ability to deal
effectively with themselves and with others, and make it easier for others to deal with them. So be
yourself. Be genuine, be sincere, be real. Be who you are, by the way, by saying be who you are. It
doesn't mean if you're obnoxious, you must remain obnoxious. Be the best you that you can be, by the
		

			way, so be real, be who you are. It's surprising you know how many people go through life
		

			Without ever recognizing that their feelings, feelings towards other people, their emotions, their
feelings are largely determined by their feelings towards themselves. You see, if not comfortable
with your own self, you will never be comfortable with others. And that is why we don't often see
things as they are. We see things as we are, is a very famous incident of a person who went to a
small town. He was moving from one town to another. So he saw an elderly person sitting on the
veranda of the house, old farm from town. And he asked the old man, Sir, how are the people here? So
he asked him, from where you had come, how were the people, they are so obnoxious, backbiting
		

			negative, he said, Well, the people are here. The same. A little while later another table looking
by passing by meeting, the old man asked him a question. He said, How are the people here? And his
opportunities for growth? And for jobs? Yeah, believe how other people here. So we asked him, How
would the people where you were, is also a very nice is because of a lack of job that I'm coming
here, I would never have left it. It was loving and kind said, well, the people are here to very
often is not how the people are. Maybe it is the way you are because very often, we see things not
as they are, but as we are. And one of the prayers of Prophet Muhammad was, Oh Allah, grant me the
		

			capacity to see things as they really are along a Shia komai. Allah grant me the capacity show me
things as they really
		

			so genuineness and sincerity is fundamental.
		

			Yes, you know, I'm the law, the critical aspect regarding genuine instance, to be genuine, sincere,
is the fact that many people have their own insecurities, what happens they try to appease other
people. And so the other person is interacting, not with your, as you said early on with your actual
self, but the perceived self. And when you are genuine and sincere, they interacting with the real
you. And in that way, their responses are also authentic. And what Sadler said and I want to just
reinforce that particular point. It starts off from self love, not NACA, cystic love, not by looking
at the mirror, say my gosh, how's it I'm looking so beautiful today? I'm so handsome, but you are
		

			but you are that I know. So, but what is important is this, to look love yourself for who you are.
And when you love yourself, then you'll not be suspicious of another person. And if you're not love
yourself, in any person is complimented towards you say, but what are they saying this, they maybe
have another agenda. And the idea about genuineness being authentic and sincere, is critical. And we
want each one of you again, to reflect on your own relationships and ask yourself, what is the
motivation? Why do I interact with that person? Why do I meet that person? What is it that I say? Do
I say from my heart? Or do I am I saying it to appease the other person? shift number two is be
		

			ethical and consistent. Yeah, consistency is really important. You know, if you can be the best you
can be as often as you can be, wherever you are, then that's yours, integrity, being yourself at
your best at times, we are at our best. There are times when it's so good. There are times that we
are at our worst, great people, truly great people, people who have been models of excellence
throughout history with a Moses or Jesus or Buddha or Confucius, people like this, were ethically
consistent. In other words, their behavior was such that, despite the circumstances, or the changing
challenges, they faced, the ethics and moral values did not did not submit to the situation. In a
		

			situation where dishonesty was prevalent, they did not go with the flow, because they realized only
no live fish flow upstream. Only the dead go with the flow they were living. And that's why the
examples are still alive. So ethical behavior is a matter of being consistent by extending to all
persons the same respect and consideration that we claim and expect from others for ourselves. She
ethics requires that there be consistency between how we treat ourselves and how we treat others
fairly often people demand justice, nothing wrong with that, but very few adjust themselves. Very
often we demand that people be honest and true to us. But very rarely are we sold what other people.
		

			So everyone as Emanuel Ken said, The philosopher, everyone is obligated to act only in ways that
respect the human dignity and the moral rights of all persons. Consistency is the absence of
contradictions. If you are consistent, then you are different with different people. It doesn't mean
your mood doesn't swing, it doesn't mean that different circumstances won't solicited a different
response. That's true. But nonetheless, there must be an absence of contradiction. You know, you
can't be timely with your prayer, for example, an untimely warping of your staff. You can't be the
forefront of demanding justice and then refusing
		

			To pay the labor and the wage work for you. So justice is consistent. When you adjust person, you
fight for justice, and adjust. You can't be adjust person just because you protest for justice. So
we need to understand this. So consistency is the absence of contradictions, and is the hallmark of
ethics. And ethics requires consistency requires that there can't be ethics without consistency. In
a sense, it's a moral standard of our actions and our values. And it should never be contradictory.
And, you know, integrity is fundamental to every good human being. And integrity is about being
honest, about being honorable. And being yourself at your best, as often as possible, wherever you
		

			can, in any situation.
		

			You know, I'm reminded whilst Sheikh satola gave a such a beautiful response,
		

			I was thinking of something I heard many years ago, when one priests spoke about a character's
sculptured stone. And he said, no matter what the weather,
		

			the poise of that individual never change. And he spoke about consistency, he spoke about integrity.
And in life, if we lack these things, really, we are hypocritical, we are to face individuals. And
that is so important. And that requires tremendous resilience and tenacity. at a time, it might mean
even the loss of your job, it might mean even the loss of something dear to you. But you remain true
to who you are. It's about being strongly principle, it's about having a set of values. In other
words, you'd not have a particular persona here, a different persona on the outside a persona, the
term persona outside a persona as a boss, but a different persona when you're working for someone
		

			else. And these are very critical aspects. And there is a huge demand and said, if you look around
us, they are very, very few people, leaders in society, even political leaders have this critical
and the most critical qualities of being ethical, and consistence. If we have that, I like to
believe in life, you will able to say with every individual, there is transparency, with what you
see is what you get. And once you can do that, this can affirm each other, you can support each
other. And we will have a society, a world in which honesty prevails. I think just to add to the
point that brother is mentioned, in regard to the idea of consistency and sincerity. You see, a one
		

			person is a single person under any circumstance. But your relationship is different with everyone
and a friend to someone, a neighbor to someone else, a father to someone, a son to someone, a
husband to someone else. So though you play different roles, my principles don't change. Some people
who are different people, they're different. They're very friendly to their friends at work, but
abusive to the spouse at home. So what are they? Are they abusive? Are they friendly. So there's a
schizophrenic development is the point is one person can be 1000 different things 2000 different
people, but his ethical, his or her ethical and moral values and principles still remains who you
		

			really are, remember, not your job, not your name, and your surname, not your gender, who you really
are. In other words, under any circumstance, the principles and values will remain the same. We are
discussing the seven essentials for improving human relations. Thus far we have covered, one be
genuine and sincere, to be ethical and consistent share, let's focus on three, be kind and empathic.
The most important element I believe is love and compassion. If you can't be loving and
compassionate, you're not truly human. In fact, even animals have a degree of compassion and love,
love and mercy are the most beautiful adornments anyone can have. If you are devoid of love and
		

			mercy, you are devoid of the fundamental of being human. So I think kindness is one generosity of
spirit, being loving, being caring, at the same time, the notion of empathic. Now sometimes you find
an example I can give is of the tsunami, but it is mentioned early on about the tsunami, that
tsunami occurred in Indonesia. So, of course, many other parts of the world were affected. And I
remember that time, some people responded, some people were
		

			sympathetic, or it happens, something happened over there. Let's send some food. Let's help them as
being sympathetic. empathic, actually, is better than that, actually, not only are you helping, but
actually feeling the way they feel. In other words, you internalize the feeling to the extent that
you are informed about it. Of course you are not them. If someone has lost a son or a daughter, you
haven't lost a son or a daughter, but you actually feel you're not just giving them something to
help them and helping the cause only, but actually feeling somewhat the way they feel. putting
yourself in their shoes. That's the best feeling to have
		

			The best way to reflect your kindness The best way to understand people, then you get people who are
just pathetic. So be sympathetic, be empathic. Never be pathetic. Pathetic. For example, some people
say, maybe it's God's punishment on them, Indonesia, as many brothels, so God is punishing them.
Instead of finding a crucible of meaning, in that situation, what can I do? Maybe the test to me
from God, what are you going to do in the situation, rather than passing judgment on why that
natural phenomena struck over there, so sometimes become judgmental. And this is the worst in people
who are too judgmental.
		

			They tend to be self righteous, and very often less empathic. Very often they are pathetic. So
please, the idea of kindness and empathy is fundamental to improving human relations. In fact, the
foundation for building a good human relationship.
		

			In fact, what I want to add is the fact that when someone is kind and emphatic, what really happens
is is that such an individual leaves a true legacy. When you hear people say, he was a good man,
what are they really saying? This, he understood us, he was kind, he was compassionate us, Gary, is
about those things that enhances your status in society, it enhances relationships. And that is so
important. One of the reasons I think that many people lack that kindness, they are so self
absorbed, they're so concerned about their own agenda that they miss, everyday, golden
opportunities, even being kind to the street sweeper, being kind to the neighbor is smile, a
		

			greeting, these are very important issues. And whenever anyone comes for help, and suddenly
mentioned, you know, quite beautifully the ref reference to a tsunami, you can sit back there and
say, while we what happened to them, and we will get to a move, something very clinical received, so
many million people were affected. These are facts and figures. But if you not move by it, if you
try not try to put yourself in the shoes of the other person, you will never understand them. I
think it's important to look at the situation in his context. And nothing gives a person more joy.
And one of the things that are often mentioned, I'll mention it again, that every human beings loves
		

			the five A's acceptance, acknowledgement, affirmation, appreciation, and affection.
		

			This is what is part of life. And you give that to any individual, what are you really doing? Not
really massaging the ego, you're giving the meaning, you are telling them you are important, you are
enhancing the self esteem, you are telling them you know what, I love you, I care for you, what is
it in your heart, I'm here for you, and nothing can give you joy to know, you know, and thank God
Almighty Oh, my gosh, thank you so much for the friends because a true friend, as you discuss,
inshallah, God willing is a gift to all of us. And was also beautiful is if you share positive joys
with people, and you compliment somebody and a smile to them. That smile that comes back also makes
		

			you feel even that you want to give more to the community. So that is what's so fascinating about
the seven essentials for improving human relations. for improved communication. Effective
communication is a is a fundamental is an essential skill. In any good relationship. Many people
talk, but they don't communicate. Communication is saying what you mean. And the other person
understanding what you have said, very often we we talk to each other, but we don't really
communicate. Hence you find when people divorce, and you ask them the problems they have, you will
find very often the one never paid attention or never understood what the other has said, and you
		

			and you find it strange, there was so long together. They didn't really communicate, saying what you
truly mean. And the other person knowing what you meant, when you said what you said. So effective
communication is an essential skill in any good relationship. Be clear about what you say, and do
not say what is unnecessary. The Art of sharing your private thoughts and feelings with people you
trust needs also to be moderated. Many people reveal too much too soon, to unnecessarily so
revealing too much too soon, can cause you to feel overly vulnerable. Sometimes you share something
with someone and they don't share something with you, or you tell them a secret. And they don't tell
		

			you a secret back now you're realizing maybe I should have said that and do remember, Mr. McAfee
said if you reveal your secret to someone, and that person reveals a secret to someone else. Don't
be upset. Your chest was too narrow to contain your secret. Don't expect the other person's chest to
be narrow to constrain your secret number two, your friend you have a best friend whom you told your
secret to and your friend has a best friend whom he or she told a secret to so reveal
		

			Too much too soon can cause you to feel overly vulnerable, and the listener to feel uncomfortable
and sometimes even obligated to respond,
		

			share only what is necessary and only to the extent what is necessary. Also check your assumptions,
for misunderstandings can arise from acting on what you presuppose. That's why the Sufi saint do not
speak until your thoughts have passed through for gates. Are these words true? Are they kind? Are
they necessary? Are they beneficial? If any of the answer is no, do not say it. Think about that.
What I want to add is that part of communication is also the ability to listen,
		

			to listen, not only to yourself, but to the other. Also, try to understand the nuances of words, to
understand the emotion behind the words. Not all people are excellent in communicating. Some people
have difficulty, the choice of words or the diction is that appropriate, when a person comes to you
and speaks to you also look at shakes out the body language, because the body language is 70 to 80%,
of what is communicated. Now, these are important aspects. And you find in all relationships where
there's a conflict is often based on a lack of communication, or it's one sided, or there isn't any
kind of understanding what is being said that you are so concerned about telling them exactly what
		

			you want to get done. You never listen with your heart to what they need. And if communication is
mutually beneficial, is not only about sharing information, it's also communicating your love and
expressing it. In fact, in many human relations, you find the those who for some reason, the other
are reluctant to tell the other person, your wife, darling, I love you. These are beautiful words,
and the wife has to assume that the husband loves her. But he's never said that. And part of it is
to demonstrate it through communication through action, and of course, body language. Which brings
us to number five, resolving conflict, resolving conflict, or misunderstandings must be through
		

			negotiation. And his brother just mentioned now, understanding, there's no understanding, you have
nothing. Start the problem solving by listening to the other really listening to the words, and the
meanings. And the feelings. Sometimes people may say something, you know, you can say a word. It can
have different meanings, depending on the context. If you ask me.
		

			Are you going to town? Is that what it can be? I'm asking a question. Or if I'm going to town again,
you say I go into town? What is still What? But the tone will indicate a sarcasm in this case. Are
you crazy? The first one is a question I didn't understand. So the word what is the same word, but
the tone, expression, body language is different. So be very careful, that start the problem solving
by listening, listening carefully, not only to the words, but also to the meanings behind the words
and respecting the other person's point of view. They may differ with you. But that's where we need
to understand because conflict implies a different perspective, a clash of ideas, a clash of
		

			perspectives in the issue. So, you need to understand the other not necessarily agree with them, but
be empathetic. And to understand why they are saying what they are saying. You may never agree with
what they are saying but understand why they are saying so. So that that person realize that you
understand why they're saying and they understand where you are as well. resolving conflicts are
much easier when all sides participate, or both sides participate in the solution, instead of one
side dominating the decision making process. Sometimes people resolve the conflict by giving their
view my way or the highway. So you see Dale Carnegie the motivational speaker one said, when dealing
		

			with people, remember, you are not dealing with creatures of logic, you are dealing with creatures
of emotion. So this is very, very important. And I always believe in order to maintain good
relationship. They must be what we call, people respecting each other, not insulting or humiliating
each other people being supportive and conciliatory, rather than confrontational. People
communicating honestly and openly, not lying and deceiving. People who are willing to listen to more
than their own side of the story, not stubborn or being closed minded people working as a team, not
as adversaries or enemies, people negotiating rather than imposing sharing responsibility, rather
		

			than demanding or burdening and complementing and appreciating each other rather than criticizing
and blaming. So, resolving conflict begins with understanding the situation, listening carefully,
and keeping your emotions in check.
		

			The one point that I want to add is when you want to resolve a conflict, it's not about scoring
points.
		

			This is important. Once you concern about scoring points, you massage your ego, then it will be no
resolution. There are times, for example, when you got to almost reinvent yourself, because people
have images of each other, the wife might say, okay, we're going to sit in discusses currently, but
I know she'll tell the husband know how you react. And that's not appropriate to make that comment.
Because the husband might have for the first time in his life, say, Listen, I want to resolve
something, give me an opportunity, they must be openness, you got to be clear in terms of what are
the issues that are creating the conflict. The third thing is you need to have some parameters say,
		

			listen, once we want to resolve this conflict of Yeah, these are some parameters. There'll be no
name calling, no insulting as you said, No humiliation, be concerned about this. And we need to say
this is these are the points we need to discuss. And then the whole idea of compromise. And in life,
you know what life would be very boring. If two people agree on everything. If my wife agrees,
everything I say that I said, darling said why don't you speak to me anymore? I said, because you
agree with everything I say, so I know what you're gonna say. So what is important is divergence of
thinking is so important. divergence is not about someone impinging on your thoughts, someone
		

			negating you, someone insulting you, is healthy, because through divergence, you can also enrich
your own opinions about life is about sharing things. And this is the whole point, we must be
optimistic. Some people at the first sign of conflict, they raise up their hands, they said this
relationship was break off, I need to, I mustn't work anymore in this place, that person is an
idiot, right? He makes those value judgments. But sometimes it could be through misinformation, and
lack of understanding. And the most important thing I like to believe is your sincerity of purpose,
when you try to resolve conflict, and I like to believe all conflicts can be resolved, it depends
		

			largely on the maturity understanding of individuals, and also about human dynamics. We are
discussing the seven essentials for improving human relations, and thus far we have explored one, be
genuine and sincere, to be ethical and consistent. Three, be kind and empathic. for improved
communication, five resolve conflict, she leads to get six, appreciate and reciprocate fundamental,
this is the whole idea about relationships is not a one way street, it's a dual thing is both sides,
give equal importance to the feelings, the interest, and the needs of each person in your
relationship. Don't forget, as I mentioned early on, you're one person, but you are 1000 different
		

			persons, or 1000 different things to 1000 different people, a father to one is sent to the other,
and so on and so forth.
		

			And imagine Shafi, one of the good scholars said, the most hurtful of metals is that you love
someone who has been romantic by the way that you love someone and the one who you love, love
someone else, or that you wish well for others, and those whom you wish well for dinner wish well
for you is the most hurtful thing. He says, develop the skill of both giving and receiving emotional
and moral support. Some people come into our lives, and go away quickly. Some come and stay for a
while and leave imprints on our hearts. And we are never ever the same. be one of those that makes a
difference. You know, Charles Dickens said, and I quote the writer, he said, have a heart that never
		

			hardens, a temper, that never tires, and a touch, that never hurts. The idea of reciprocation, is
the idea of mutual affection, of mutual caring. And even if someone else is not as caring to you,
don't you pick them the standard between yourself and them, you become the standard, you'll be the
moral guide, instead of saying, I'll only be as good to them as they are to me, rather uplift them
from where they are to realize that they be as good to you as you are to them is also free saying,
oh god, my people treat me tomorrow, the way I have treated them today.
		

			In life, when it comes to human relations, what is it that leave a legacy, something at the heart of
the other when he meets his friend, and his friend is so appreciative of him and tells him you know,
I value you as my friend.
		

			I value your opinion. There's something that aids me. What advice can you give me? And he advises
you, and you tell him sincerely, thank you so much. You look him into the eye. Thank you, thank you
may God bless you. That moment would be something that he'll never forget.
		

			Even though he may not meet you again. He is of your passing away. But he recalled that incident
vividly and reciprocation is so
		

			Critical he can, as Sadler said, and I want to reinforce it. It cannot be one sided. if you for
example, enjoyed someone's hospitality, and no matter, you may come from a very humble domiciled and
humble home, for your home. And I tell people that even a pauper can have a heart.
		

			A huge heart, that he can accommodate everyone, but the king, if he has a small heart, you want to
place for anyone. It's about those aspects. It's about understanding that in life, we will meet
people, some people, as subtle as that will forget about you. But with sincerity and purpose, once
you show appreciation, you reciprocate the kindness, even through gifts, whatever you can afford,
that is such a beautiful thing. And in life, many people complicate lives unnecessarily. There's few
fundamentals we need to understand. And the appreciation reciprocation, I like to believe is one of
those fundamentals. Or one more point, you don't have to reciprocate negativity. In other words,
		

			people have this notion, an iPhone I in everything that applies to punishment. So be very careful.
Some people say if he cheats me, I'll teach him that make two cheats. Be very, very careful, become
the standard. The single Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him. He says, Do not be silly, by saying
that if people do good to me, in fact, the lady came to him and said, my family have treated me very
negatively, because I've embraced the faith. What shall I do? They treat me badly when I go there,
shall I treat them back? The way they treat me this way they responded This is don't be silly by
saying, I'll treat them the way they treat me. If they are good to me, I'll be good to them. And if
		

			they're bad to me, I'll be back to them. Rather condition yourself. If they are good to me, I'll be
good to them. And if they are not good to me, I'll slowly get to them. And it thought struck me
again, thank you so much. Sadler, Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him said three things. Join
relationship, those that broke up relationships with you. do good to those who have harmed you. And
forgive those who have hurt you how beautiful it is, Chef. And this brings us to the seventh
essential for improving human relations, accept others as they are, this is very important. Now make
it very clear. It doesn't mean if someone is really bad, or doing wrong things, you leave them to do
		

			the wrong. Your responsibility is to assist and to guide to the best of your ability, at the same
time to try to mind your own business, it is not your business. But if you can enhance someone's
life in any way you should do so with a guiding them or assisting them in any way you can. But as
regarding accepting others as they are, I think what you're referring to is recognize the fact that
others are others. They are who they are, they are not you don't make yourself the moral
		

			high ground for everyone else. It's a sign of arrogance. They are who they are. They are not you. In
fact, they thought theologian, Thomas campus wrote, be not angry that you cannot make others the way
you wish them to be. Since you yourself has not made yourself the way you want to be. Are you the
way you ought to be? Are you the way that you want to be? No. So why do you expect others to be the
way you want them to be? But the idea is, accept others where they are as they are. In other words,
don't expect them to be at a different level. Because if you expecting that you'll never engage
them, you'll wait for them to come there. Like someone said, you know, if the mosques and churches
		

			and synagogues are only for those who are perfect, none will enter churches or synagogues or mosques
or temples, except God Himself. So they are those who are sinful. Like us. They are those who are
more sinful. They are those who are less than they are those who are more pious and those who are
less bias. They are where they are, but accept others as they are. Remember that there is so much
goodness in the worst of us. And so much faults in the best of us. That it doesn't be hope any of us
to find fault in hatred with the rest of us. The idea about accepting others as they are, for me, is
perhaps the point. Because in life you want others to accept us as we are, then why the hypocrisy.
		

			The critical aspect is this, that when we have images, I think one of the philosophers Krishnamurti
said do not allow the thoughts of yesterday contaminate today. You may have a particular image of
the guy yesterday, but something could touch his heart you could transform him into a better human
being, how often teachers would have said to an individual a pupil in the class, you are useless
men, nothing is able to do nothing. Albert Einstein, Correct. Correct. And in fact, what happens is
someone said, you must give pupils hope because you have no idea what the future holds.
		

			And often you might be working for them in the end. So the idea of accepting people and put all of
us are products of our home environment, we are shaped by our life experiences. That individual
might have gone through some horrific experiences, some very negative experiences, not things that
are liberating understanding. And once you understand an individual accepting you and nothing is
more gratifying to the individual, when a fellow human being when others have ostracize him,
excommunicated him, but you affirm and hugging with thank brother Idris camisa answered that account
for an uplifting and practical presentation on improving human relations. Having explained what
		

			relationships entail, how to effectively engage people, as well as elaborating on the seven
essentials for improving human relationships, one, be genuine and sincere, to be ethical and
consistent. Three, be kind and empathic for improved communication, five, resolve conflict, six,
appreciate and reciprocate, and seven, accept others as they are. Thank you, and peace be unto you.