Ebrahim Bham – Happy marriage- The Art of Balance
AI: Summary ©
The importance of balance in marriage is a combination of inception and deception, with moderation being a natural course of behavior. The speaker emphasizes the need for balance in one's life, where they find the sweet spot of balance between deception and stupidity, while also finding the right balance in one's life. The importance of balancing work and home life is emphasized, along with support from family members and finding a medium between two extremes. The speaker also discusses the challenges faced by working at home and the importance of balancing work and socializing.
AI: Summary ©
وَلَهُنَّ مِثْرُ الَّذِي عَلَيْهِنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ وَقَالَ تَعَالَى
أَلْرِجَالُ قَوَّامُونَ عَلَى النِّسَاءِ صَدَقَ اللَّهُ الْعَزِيمُ my
dear respected brothers and sisters and friends we
begin by praising Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
sending salutations upon our beloved nabiya kareem salallahu
alayhi wasalam the topic we have today is
a happy marriage the art of balance now
why have we chosen this particular topic with
regard to marriage especially the art of balance
we know in the holy quran Allah subhanahu
wa ta'ala says وَكَذَلِكَ جَعَلْنَاكُمْ أُمَّةً وَسَتًى
we have created this ummah one of the
aspects with regard to this ummah is that
it is an ummah that is justly balanced
it is an ummah that adopts moderation it
does not fall short of the limit it
does not go beyond the limit and this
is something that is extremely important for us
to understand when we go into the entire
program today inshallah al-aziz so the first
thing is what is the importance of balance
today we take to look at moderation very
very lightly we take it you know not
as a very significant attribute yet nabiya karim
s.a.w. had said خَيْرُ الْأُمُورِ أَوْ
سَتُهَا the best of all affairs is that
in which moderation is adopted now what is
moderation?
moderation is the balance between two extremes the
middle path between two extremes and in islam
everything that we do every aspect is that
is it is based on moderation so we
find that from the very even with regard
to for example tawhid what are the two
extremes let me give you an example if
you have an item in front of you
and you got the two extremes and you
can see the two extremes I've got this
laptop in front of me I've got the
two extremes the middle path I will be
able to find very easily because the middle
path will be in the middle between the
two extremes that one one aspect sometimes is
that we don't know the two extremes so
if you are looking at an item and
you don't have the far corners and you
don't have the extremes you will not be
able to find the middle path between the
two extremes and I think this is extremely
important for us to understand with regard to
the balance so our salvation depends upon it
so balance is the best of all affairs
it represents the middle path between the two
extremes our salvation depends on maintaining balance as
emphasized by Allah in all matters let us
take the example of tawhid the two extremes
one extreme people who have adopted atheism the
other extreme people who have taken many lords
besides Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala they have
associated partners to Allah ta'ala in between
is a beautiful moderate path of Islam which
is tawhid we don't go into the path
of atheism and we don't associate partners to
almighty Allah, we believe in one Allah look
at the example of prophethood so in prophethood
for example we find that on one extreme
has been those who have attributed divinity to
their prophets and the other extreme are those
who have not given proper recognition and respect
and reverence to their prophets وَيَقْتُلُونَ النَّبِيِّينَ بِغَيْرِ
حَقٍ they even kill their prophets without any
justification so you have these two extremes in
between is a beautiful extreme I mean the
beautiful moderate path of Islam what is it?
that it has given that respect to its
prophets that no other ummah has ever given
that type of respect yet at the same
time it was extremely sensitive and careful not
to attribute any qualities of Allah to our
beloved prophet so much so that prophet one
day saw a person that he was making
dua and in that dua he was saying
that mashallah what Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
wishes and what Allah what Muhammad wishes said
are you associating me with Allah subhanahu wa
ta'ala and in every aspect even in
conduct good conduct is where the natural faculties
are kept in equilibrium so we find this
anger will be good when it is in
equilibrium in the middle path between inactivity and
extreme anger intelligence between deception and stupidity bravery
between recklessness and being a coward so in
everything we are told with regard to it
to adopt moderation the same thing with regard
to our marital issues so we find that
anger balances between inactivity of pride, intelligence it
is a balance between deception and stupidity, bravery
a balance between recklessness and cowardice so in
everything we have been told to keep balance
the best of all affairs is that in
which moderation is adopted and this Ummah's characteristics
is that it chooses the moderate path, the
middle path between the extremes now the one
issue and there are many things that we
could keep in mind with regard to balance
in marital life now the one, two aspects
I'm going to make mention of there are
many aspects and from there we can build
on our marital life from the two examples
that I will quote and give with regard
to balance in these two aspects and then
take that and extend it to all matters
of marital life, one is a balance in
spousal roles so we all know that for
example the very famous verse in the holy
Quran and Allah Ta'ala says the men
and he didn't say only the people who
have you know male, those who the people
who are men, men in the true sense
of the word are caretakers they are the
caretakers or in authority over women now the
word Qawamun has been interpreted in different ways
caregiver, authority the one who protects the one
who guards now in this particular regard as
I've said what is what is you have
to know the two extremes to be able
to come to the middle path so what
are the two extremes one is men who
must use authority to command or feel that
Qawamun means my way or the highway they
become oppressive and there is no doubt whatsoever
when control is taken to an extreme degree
it leads to extremism so on one hand
is this extreme where people feel that the
meaning of Qawamun is I'm the boss just
do what I say I'm not obliged to
even listen to you I'm not even obliged
to take into care your into account your
emotion or your your views it's just my
way or the highway on the other hand
there are the women who are influenced by
feminist views, reject the husband status and responsibilities
look at how Allah says Allah has made
the man in authority or a caregiver of
the woman or looking after the woman because
Allah has given him that responsibility Allah has
given him that aspect of superiority because he
is financially responsible for the household for the
wife and for the children and because of
that particular responsibility he has he has been
given this privilege now therefore we find that
this is the two extremes but now one
thing we must understand after understanding the two
extremes what is the model path?
the first thing is for us to understand
what is the meaning of authority in Islam
Islam doesn't look upon authority as a bed
of roses, it doesn't look upon authority as
throwing your weight around, as I'm the boss
just do as I say, look at how
beautifully our beloved Nabiya Kareem said the leader
of a nation is a servant of the
nation, I'm not saying you must take that
absolutely literally although some might do so but
it is the leader of the nation is
a servant of the nation now one thing
that we have to say for a wife
or the woman in the household to accept
this particular concept mentioned by Allah in the
holy Quran is not only accepting authority but
it is servitude to Allah who has established
the role and the responsibility of the husband
on behalf of the husband he has to
understand and someone you know I was once
in a conference and it was a multi
-faith conference and people were sitting and talking
about various aspects of religion and someone asked
the question and it was a very interesting
question, he said that if for example you
say the husband is in authority what happens
if he misuses that authority what happens if
he misuses that authority?
now remember one thing I'm going to say
it, please understand it the solution to misuse
of authority is not to eradicate authority the
solution to misuse of authority is not to
eradicate authority but it is to bring control
that that authority is not misused and in
Islam what is that control that that authority
must not be abused the husband is told
that just as there are people under your
authority you are under authority of Allah Ta
'ala fear Allah with regard to the woman
who is under your authority Allah will question
you with regard to it so the solution
to the misuse of authority is not to
eradicate authority because that creates chaos the solution
to eradication of the abuse of authority is
to bring control that that authority is not
abused and therefore Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
has made the husband to understand that he
is also under authority he is supposed to
lead by example he is supposed to provide
the right guidance, he is a strong leader,
emotionally regulated, well mannered well spoken, respectful, he
is kind but not weak, he is humble
but not timid, he is proud, proud with
regard to the responsibility Allah has given him
but not arrogant he provides safety and security
through words and action the wife feels secure
under the authority of the husband she does
not feel fearful she feels safety and security
and that is what Islam has found with
regard to authority, that is why when you
find our beloved Nabi sahab he didn't take
the view with regard to authority that I
can do whatever I want, he didn't take
care of the emotions and the feelings of
the wives, no no, that's not what he
did he take into account what he had
done we all know the famous incident at
the time of the treaty of Hudaibiyah Nabi
sahab comes into his tent and he comes
and he sees Umm Salma and Umm Salma
said Ya Rasulullah, she was a very mature
woman and she said Ya Rasulullah what is
it?
I can see that you are disturbed, what
is the reason for your disturbance?
so Nabi sahab said the treaty has been
signed, part of the treaty is the sahaba
must take out of the ihram they must
shave their hair and they must take out
the ihram, I told them to take out
the ihram but they are not responding normally
whenever I tell them something immediately they hasten
to respond, here they are reluctant not because
of rebelliousness but because of disappointment and because
of that they are, you know, taking time
and they are not responding as normally they
do, Umm Salma said Ya Rasulullah, they are
not doing it out of rebelliousness they are
doing it because of disappointment, what you do
O Prophet of Allah, you go in the
middle you take out your ihram, you get
your head, the hair of your head shaved
and then you will see that they will
follow suit and that's exactly what our beloved
Nabi sahab did so this is very important
for us to understand the two extremes that
exist and the middle path between these two
extremes finding the sweet spot of balance between
one side and another is a challenge which
sometimes people do not master so that is
one of the aspects of getting the right
balance in terms of the spousal's responsibility and
the spousal's role in the marriage the next
aspect which is very important is the balance
between work and career while fulfilling the rights
of the wife and the household, now why
is this?
why do we need the balance in this?
we need the balance first because fulfilling domestic
responsibility is a religious obligation looking after your
wife, looking after the children be kind towards
your wives if you dislike something of your
wife perhaps you dislike one trait but Allah
has kept many other beautiful qualities in her
it is a command of Allah, Nabi A
.S. said I make wasiyat to you, I
emphasize upon you, I advise you to treat
your woman kindly Nabi A.S. has told
the woman for example to be obedient and
to accept that is the authority of the
husband in matters that are reasonable and according
to the sharia and we know the famous
hadith that Nabi A.S. said it is
not permissible for anyone to bow down in
front of anyone in Islam, if it was
I would have told the woman to do
so with regard to the husband, it's a
well known hadith and we have to make
mention with regard to it, yet at the
same time we also have a responsibility to
provide material needs to our household to our
wives and I must make mention with regard
to it that is important for us to
understand that this material world is a tremendous
opportunity for us in gaining the pleasure of
almighty Allah we need to understand that this
material world, we must look at that positive
while there are many aspects and many quranic
ayats and hadith which tells us about the
negative of this material world, especially when it
makes us neglectful of Allah Ta'ala, makes
us neglectful of fulfilling our rights towards human
beings, la tulhikum amwalukum wa la uladukum an
dhikrillah, oh believers do not allow your wealth
to make you neglectful of Allah and to
make you neglectful of your responsibility la tulhikum
amwalukum wa la uladukum an dhikrillah, so this
is one aspect with regard to wealth but
Allah Ta'ala of the holy Quran has
also made mention with regard to the positive
aspects of material world right, so he said
Nabiya Kareem he said there is nothing wrong
with wealth for a person who fears Allah
because he will use wealth correctly, he will
fulfill his responsibility to his household, to his
wife to his children and he will use
it to propagate the message of Islam he
will help other people, look at how I
won't go into many other aspects but let
me look into one aspect and that is
how Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala says with
regard to a most beautiful aspect with regard
to the wealth in Surah Ar-Rum seek
with what Allah has given you in terms
of material wealth seek the akhirat make your
akhirat with your wealth don't forget your share
of this material wealth, so you can live
comfortably, buy a good conveyance, don't forget your
share be good to others the way Allah
has been good to you and do not
create corruption in the earth with your wealth
four things Allah has told people to do
with wealth, seek the akhirat with your wealth
and don't forget your share with regard to
your needs, see to it your needs are
met, even be comfortable with regard to it
someone asked Nabiya Kareem Ya Rasulullah, is it
pride to wear good clothes?
no, Allah is beautiful, Allah loves beauty, wear
good clothes buy the best of conveyance live
a comfortable life but at the same time
be good to others the way Allah has
been good to you if Allah has given
you wealth the way someone had said, don't
don't build longer walls to protect yourself from
the entire community, make your table long to
be able to feed people and be good
to other people and don't create corruption with
your wealth Nabiya Kareem sallallahu alayhi wa sallam
may do allahumma inna na'udhu bika min
batri al ghanaqina wa madallat al faqat oh
Allah I seek your protection from the arrogance
of wealth and I seek your protection from
the helplessness of poverty, a beautiful thing so
balancing work career with fulfilling the rights of
the household, fulfilling domestic responsibility is a religious
obligation, taking care of our needs and acquiring
halal dress is also a religious obligation, how
do we get Islam allows for accumulation of
wealth for needs but warns against obsession and
that is why in marital life we can't
become so obsessed with our wealth and career
that we then afterwards neglect the wife and
the household we can't become so busy in
acquiring more and more wealth to the detriment
of our rights to Allah and our rights
to human beings, therefore there are so many
ayats and hadith in which our beloved Nabiya
Kareem sallallahu alayhi wa sallam and Allah subhana
wa ta'ala has warned us with regard
to this obsession, one hadith which many a
times the khateeb reads in Jummah ala wa
inna nafsa lantamoot hatta tastaqmila risqaha no soul
will die until he had received all his
provisions, no soul will die until it completes
his provisions, fattaq Allah, fear Allah wa ajmilu
fit talab wa tawakkalu alayh be moderate in
the acquisition of your wealth focus on permissible
means and avoid what is forbidden, Nabiya Kareem
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam then said do not
let delay in acquiring wealth, make you seek
it in a haram manner because you will
not get more than what Allah has destined
for you but if you seek it in
a haram manner then it will be to
your spiritual disadvantage Nabiya Kareem sallallahu alayhi wa
sallam has given us so many examples, one
hadith Nabiya Kareem sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said
that O Allah ummaj'al ala rizqa muhammadin
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam quta, O Allah make
the rizq and sustenance of the family of
Nabiya Kareem sallallahu alayhi wa sallam sufficient for
their needs do not let us become so
that we want so much luxuries that we
become obsessed with it, in fact Nabiya Kareem
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam used to make dua
Nabiya Kareem sallallahu alayhi wa sallam used to
say that O Allah do not make this
material world the highest of our aspirations and
the reason why we gain ilm and and
do not make it to be all in
the end all of our desires we are
not supposed to make the world everything to
the detriment of other things and there are
so many examples, one hadith Nabiya Kareem sallallahu
alayhi wa sallam had said man asbaha minkum
aminan fee sirbihi mu'afan fee jisadihi inda
wuqoota yawmihi fa ka'annama hui hui izzat
lahul dunya Nabiya Kareem sallallahu alayhi wa sallam
has said whoever gets up in the morning,
secure, safe he got up, he is safe
in South Africa that's a great ni'mah to
be getting up in the morning, safe and
secure, having provisions for the day, healthy then
he has been given the entire treasures of
this material world in one hadith, just to
show you the emphasis and the balance Nabiya
Kareem sallallahu alayhi wa sallam on one occasion
spoke about a person will be brought and
this is in mishkatul masabih in the hadith
book so Nabiya Kareem sallallahu alayhi wa sallam
said a person will ask someone who was
wealthy, had wealth in this material world on
the day of qiyamah what did you do
with your wealth?
kat jammatuhu wa thammartuh he will say oh
Allah I accumulated it and I invested it
and I made so much of investment that
it went more and more Allah will ask
him what did you do for the sake
of the deen for the sake of Allah
and what did you do with your wealth
to send it to help you in the
akhirah and he said kat jammatuhu wa thammartuh
oh Allah I have invested it and I
made it so much more and Allah will
say I didn't ask you about that, I
asked what did you do with your wealth
for the year after and he will say
I've done nothing and Allah will punish him
because of that so we need to understand
that while we have an obligation to provide
for the family, it should not be to
such an extent, to such an obsession that
we forget being good to the family and
not being there for them and not spending
time for them and part of the shar
'i responsibility is to provide good companionship and
time to the family nabiya kareem sallallahu alayhi
wa sallam had said all entertainment are laghu
are batil except for three things archery and
then nabiya kareem sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said
horse riding and leisure time with one spouse
all laghu, all entertainment is batil, is not
valid, it has got no higher purpose except
these three things spend time with your spouse
has been regarded by our beloved nabiya kareem
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam as one of the
most valuable ways to spend your spare time
right, that's how we are supposed to be,
so someone had said it you know say
that today a muslim woman spends half her
life looking for her husband and the other
half wondering where he is so sometimes you
also have the situation we don't pay enough
attention to this now you know there's also
another one humorous statement they said when a
man tells a wife five minutes I'm at
home and when a woman tells the husband
in five minutes I'm ready, that five minutes
are the same both the times it never
happens according to the five minutes so nabiya
kareem sallallahu alayhi wa sallam one day told
a sahabi one sahabi got married to a
woman who was much elder than him in
age and nabiya kareem sallallahu alayhi wa sallam
told him why didn't you get married to
someone who was your age or slightly younger
than you in age, who was compatible with
you, that you could have entertained one another,
you could have taken delight in the company
of one another, then he gave his reason
said ya rasulullah, my father passed away in
the battle of wahid I had small siblings
I didn't want to add another you know
young woman, I wanted someone more mature to
help me with my siblings, but what did
nabiya kareem sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said what
did he say?
why didn't you get married to someone that
you could spend time with one another, you
could entertain one another, spouses should provide each
other with good companionship sharing good times together,
like for example going for a walk, discussing
light-hearted matters with a sense of humor
are effective ways of strengthening the bond of
marriage and providing wonderful companionship to each other
the example of our beloved nabiya kareem sallallahu
alayhi wa sallam is mentioned in the books
of hadith, that nabiya kareem sallallahu alayhi wa
sallam went out, and one day he went
to race with hazrat aisha radhiyallahu ta'ala
an'a and hazrat aisha radhiyallahu ta'ala
an'a was young initially and she said
I outraced nabiya kareem sallallahu alayhi wa sallam
and then afterwards, after a long period of
time after several years, nabiya kareem sallallahu alayhi
wa sallam was going on an expedition, and
he told the sahaba, you carry on, I'm
going to spend time with my wife, can
you imagine a sheikh or someone telling the
people in the congregation, you know, leave me
alone I'm going to spend time with my
wife and they said this time nabiya kareem
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam raced with aisha and
aisha radhiyallahu ta'ala said this time nabiya
kareem sallallahu alayhi wa sallam outraced me and
she even used the word inni qad balanto
I had picked up weight and because of
that nabiya kareem sallallahu alayhi wa sallam outraced
me, subhanallah so we need to understand so
these are a type of things that nabiya
kareem sallallahu alayhi wa sallam did, hazrat aisha
radhiyallahu ta'ala was asked what did nabiya
kareem sallallahu alayhi wa sallam do when he
entered the house?
sometimes we think that nabiya kareem sallallahu alayhi
wa sallam only made ibadah when he came
home, yes he did it we all know
the famous hadith that nabiya kareem sallallahu alayhi
wa sallam said, hazrat aisha said he used
to make so much of ibadah that his
feet used to swell blisters used to appear,
but what did hazrat aisha said that what
did he used to do he said when
he entered the house, he used to be
in the servitude of his family let me
repeat that, in Bukhari Sharif hazrat aisha was
asked what did nabiya kareem sallallahu alayhi wa
sallam do when he came into the house?
she replied he used to be in the
servitude of his family and one hadith says
he used to sew and mend his own
clothes he used to sometimes even clean the
house and he used to do some things
that are domestic chores you know some of
our elderly Indian women hear this, you know,
they will be tearing their graves they will
be saying I am matero to bairobaning you
he has become a servant of his wife
but that's what our beloved nabiya kareem sallallahu
alayhi wa sallam did you know, it is
important for husbands to provide this kind of
help especially in certain instances where you don't
have domestic help or in a family in
a nuclear family, in an extended family and
you do not enjoy the assistance of other
help, then this is important that the husband
plays this role so we need to find
the right balance and let me just conclude
with regard to this beautiful example of our
beloved nabiya kareem sallallahu alayhi wa sallam but
before that let me give you the example
of salman e farsi and abu darda r
.a so salman e farsi r.a was
paired with abu darda as his brother nabiya
kareem sallallahu alayhi wa sallam paired them salman
e farsi came home and he saw abu
darda r.a house completely disheveled, untidy not
well kept and he saw ummi darda r
.a this was before the time of parda
ummi darda r.a was not well kept
and she was not, you know, she was
not in a way that was presentable or
something like that and he said ummi darda
what's gone wrong with you why are you
not paying attention to the house and yourself
and ummi darda r.a said your brother
abu darda has no need for this he
doesn't come to me, he doesn't spend time
with me and when he's here he's only
he's only in ibadah so salman e farsi
r.a said let me fix this so
when they were time to came to eat
abu darda r.a said i'm fasting salman
farsi said i'm not going to say anything
i'm not going to eat until you eat
with me so abu darda r.a was
forced to eat after isha he said i'm
going to make ibadah salman farsi said no
you can't make ibadah now you have to
rest you have to spend time with your
family and when the time is right i
will tell you when to to go and
make ibadah he only allowed him to make
ibadah towards the latter portion of the night
closer towards the time of sahih the matter
was brought in front of our beloved nabiya
karim s.a and nabiya karim s.a
gave a ruling in favor of salman e
farsi in this particular phrase is mentioned in
the books of hadith inna limalika alayka haq
walizawjika alayka haq walizawrika alayka haq that your
wealth has a right upon you your family
has a right upon you your wife has
a right upon you even in ibadah you
cannot spend so much time in ibadah that
you forget the rights of your family right
so nabiya karim s.a emphasized spending quality
time with the family the very famous and
the most beautiful example has been quoted in
shamaila tirmiri and this is very very amazing
one day nabiya karim s.a heard a
story which the wives of nabiya s.a
and in particular hazrat aisha radiallahu ta'ala
related it to our beloved nabiya karim s
.a this is a very interesting incident so
hazrat aisha radiallahu ta'ala said ya rasulallah
it was something that was in poetry form
that you know 11 women got together and
they started discussing their husbands and he said
listen discuss about your husbands and don't leave
out anything this was before the time of
islam and each and everyone started speaking the
bad and the positive and the negative the
first one said my husband is like the
meat of a lean weak camel which is
kept on the top of a mountain so
it is a lean weak camel which is
very far on top of the mountain which
that mountain is neither easy to climb nor
is the meat so fat neither camel so
fat that it might be worth the trouble
of going to fetch that camel meaning he
was misery he did not provide for the
family and then each and everyone went on
to make mention with regard to the qualities
of the husband and the last one was
the 11th one was my husband is abu
zarra and what can I say about abu
zarra umme zarma zarra said my husband was
abu zarra and then she goes on to
say he has given me so many ornaments
so many earrings that my ears are heavily
loaded with the earrings right and he has
pleased me and I become so happy that
I feel proud of myself he found me
with my family who were mere owners of
sheep and living in poverty and he gave
me a respectful life whenever I say something
he does not get angry when I sleep
I sleep till late imagine the woman getting
happy with that and she goes on to
make mention with regard to the qualities of
abu zarra and then eventually what happens is
abu zarra then went on to an expedition
saw another more beautiful wife than umme zarra
and he got married to her and he
divorced umme zarra libya karim s.a heard
the whole story and he told aisha radhiya
allahu tal'anha I will be to you
like abu zarra abu zarra is to umme
zarra except that I won't divorce you now
this was light-hearted moments in marital life
11 women speaking about their husband in poetry
form nabiya karim s.a sitting with aisha
radhiya allahu tal'anha so I think what
is important is and some guidelines set boundaries
they need to be certain time where you
spend time with your family no mobile daily
devices and I don't need to go into
that particular aspect with regard to how our
obsession with our mobile devices and social media
is taking us away from fulfilling the rights
of our family and spending quality time it's
important that certain time we leave the mobile
devices away and we're able to spend quality
time with the family listen to each other
and be interested in each other's lives don't
only just take it for granted listen to
each other don't just become you know a
typical example today before we can listen to
one another we want to give our viewpoint
so a husband comes home and said do
you know what happened today I had such
a hectic day I had to do this
I had to do that now instead of
listening to the husband the wife would say
what hectic day you had can you imagine
what hectic day I did and before he
could even make mention with regard to his
challenges at work she goes and make mention
with regard to her challenges we haven't heard
the spouse out so listen to each other
and be interested in each other's life stay
connected sometimes you know once a week go
out as a couple a couple as a
team so it's important that we speak this
type of things you know it's very important
that we we understand this and one thing
that I maybe forgot to make mention with
regard to the authority of the husband remember
that in marriage is not about scoring points
over one another we need to take out
the best qualities of one another which Allah
has given both the husband and wife Allah
has given certain qualities to the husband and
Allah has given certain qualities to the wife
and we have to take out the best
from both the qualities and the temperaments of
one another to be able to complement one
another and be able to achieve our vision
and that that particular aspect would even help
us with regard to our children when we
fulfill the roles of one another and we
don't we don't we're not scoring points over
one another so sometimes maybe you know it's
very important I won't give much time but
I will just very briefly make mention and
in this particular regard we need to have
realistic goals and objectives sometimes you might feel
that a realistic or at least ideal goal
is I will work at you know I
will work from eight o'clock to four
o'clock four o'clock I'll come home
and I will be able to spend time
with my family sometimes it works sometimes it
doesn't work so sometimes you might we might
not be able to strive or achieve the
perfect schedule but we have to have a
realistic schedule there will be days when you
might have to spend more time at work
and there will be other days where you
will spend more time with the family balance
is achieving overall balance and not necessarily each
day with an unflexible schedule so what is
meant by fulfilling the rights and giving quality
time is not necessarily that you always have
a fixed schedule that I will come home
at four o'clock I will come home
at five o'clock but it means an
overall balance and spending quality time although there
might be sometimes a situation where you might
not be able to have a strict schedule
so be flexible with regard to the schedule
one small point I will just add one
or two small points although I have spent
some more time with points on working from
home so now working from home has also
become something that has come into our lives
due to COVID and working from home has
allowed us some ease we don't have to
worry about traffic jams we don't have to
worry about the rush hour we don't have
to worry about taking lunch so the lunch
could be readily available however at the same
time it has blurred the lines between our
different roles we may be at home but
we don't have a clear cut off point
so remote work and working at home presents
its own challenges working outside the office in
the house brings about a situation of multitasking
distraction difficulty keeping strict hours and all of
that is bad news for finding the right
balance and in keeping work and work and
family life separate and remember we must not
mistake convenience for balance so working at home
might be convenient it does not necessarily mean
the right balance between fulfilling your work and
fulfilling your domestic responsibilities there are many aspects
that I felt that I should have touched
on but I think I will conclude with
this and if there is anything that we
need to maybe be making mention of and
if there is any questions we can look
at that and even if we don't have
the time now over the next whenever people
do have challenges Alhamdulillah the Jamiatul Ulema social
department and the Ulema within the fraternity within
the Jamiatul Ulema that will be able to
help people with regard to the challenges they
are facing in their domestic life may Allah
subhanahu wa ta'ala give us the tawfiq
of making amal ...
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I would look supporting in every aspect so
when we look at the life of our
beloved Nabi he was fulfilling the domestic responsibilities
he was at home was in the service
of his family you know, even for example,
let me just give you an example.
Look at Hazrat Ayesha r.a as an
example.
Hazrat Ayesha r.a is amongst the most
widely transmitted ahadith have been narrated from Hazrat
Ayesha r.a over 2,000 ahadith, but
Nabiya Karim SAW didn't stifle her with regard
to her progress in this particular regard never
said that you must not acquire knowledge.
She was amongst the most knowledgeable with regard
to dini matters.
So for example Abu Musashari r.a says
never did the companions of Nabiya Karim SAW
had a difficulty in understanding some matters of
deen and the approach of Hazrat Ayesha r
.a and they matter in the query that
they had was not satisfied by the explanation
given by Hazrat Ayesha r.a Nabiya Karim
SAW did not stifle her to be able
to achieve that knowledge.
So when we say we support I would
say support in every way.
Firstly, we must support because one of the
responsibilities of the husband is to take care
of the holistic needs of the wife, right
and for the wife to support the husband
in his vision and his responsibility.
So for example, it is a husband responsibility
to take care of the financial, to take
care of the social, to take care of
the physical, to take care of the emotional
and to take care of the spiritual needs
of the wife.
Wa amul ahlaka bis salat.
Command your family members to perform salat and
you also remain steadfast upon it.
Ku anfusakum wa ahlikum nara.
Save yourself and the family members from the
fire of Jahannam.
So when we talk about support, I would
look upon it as a holistic support.
The wife must be the one who must
give motivation, must be the one who gives
support to the husband in terms of him.
If there is a challenges with regard to
his business or challenges with regard to his
work, she must be able to motivate, she
must be able to inspire, must be able
to say, all right, why don't you try
this?
Give this particular aspect.
Don't become, don't now become like someone who
is nagging like nagging is like a dripping
tap which becomes quite frustrating, but at the
same time you can lend support.
So in answer, in short answer to the
question, I think it means each and every
aspect of support.
Well, I've tried to bring that up in
today's program that there is great amount of
emphasis in Islam to spend quality time with
the family.
Yet at the same time, I also, I'm
a little bit hesitant to say that it
must become such an obsession or it must
become something that is, you know, constantly being
nagged.
See at the same time, husbands or men
also sometimes require the company of their friends,
socializing as long as it is kept within
the mat.
The point is the two extremes.
The one extreme is that you must only
spend time at home.
So when we said in the beginning of
the program, the middle path is the middle
path between the two extreme.
What will be the two extremes?
one extreme is no, you can't go out
with your family.
You can't go out with your friends.
You can't socialize.
You can't go and play sports.
I mean the prophet of Allah subhanahu wa'ta
'ala did go and play sport.
I mean the sense that the nabiya karim
sallallahu alayhi wasalam went to go and see
the archery.
He saw the sahaba one day racing and
nabiya karim sallallahu alayhi wasallam stayed with them
while they were racing and nabiya karim sallallahu
alayhi wasallam encouraged them with regard to the
racing.
So there is that nabiya karim sallallahu alayhi
wasallam also spend time in that.
So the one extreme would be that you
can't go out at all.
You can't socialize.
You can't be with your friends and the
other extreme is that you only spend time
at home, you know, or the other extreme
is you all the time with your friends
and you don't give time to your family.
Find the medium, find the right balance between
the two extremes.
So once you know the two extremes, you
might be able to be easier to find
the middle path between the two extremes.
So yes, there will be a time for
socializing.
There will be a time for husband to
play some form of sports.
It's good for him also with regard to
his health to be, you know, exercising as
long as it is done within the sharia
and yet at the same time, he also
finds time to do, you know, quality time
at home and really it's possible, you know,
if we are flexible towards one another, we
understand one another, we will be able to
get the balance between the two extremes.
So yes, you can spend quality time at
home and yet at the same time, you
will be able to socialize.
I mean see at the end of the
day, a human being is a social being.
He likes to interact with friends.
There will be sometimes that he needs to
do exercise and play sport.
But as long as it is done within,
you know, reasonable limits and he finds the
right balance.
Maybe we can take one more time.
We got a few minutes before the nine
o'clock cut off.
Okay.
Our social departments and narrative departments.
With that, inshallah, we end off.
If you would like to just make a
short dua, within two minutes we will end
off.
Forgive our shortcomings.
Ya Allah, our shortcomings are many.
Your mercy and forgiveness is far greater than
this.
Ya Allah, forgive us not because we are
worthy, but because you love forgiveness.
Ya Allah, make us worthy servants of yours.
Ya Allah, make us.
Ya Allah, practice upon all of your commands.
Ya Allah.
Ya Allah, all of your commands.
Ya Allah, keep us steadfast upon your deen.
Ya Allah, let us die upon your deen.
Resurrect us upon your deen.
Ya Allah, make all the affairs of the
year after easy for us until you grant
us entry into Jannatul Firdaus by your grace.
Ya Allah, part of fulfilling your deen, Ya
Allah, is to fulfill our responsibilities to one
another in marriage and with regard to social
interaction and to fulfill the rights of human
beings.
Ya Allah, grant us the necessary temperament and
the wisdom and the kindness and the compassion
and the necessary qualities to be able to
fulfill that role, Ya Allah.
Ya Allah, do not let us be oppressive
towards anyone.
Ya Allah, do not let us be unjust
towards anyone, Ya Allah.
Ya Allah, grant us steadfastness in deen, Ya
Allah, and above all, Ya Allah, we ask
of you, Ya Allah, your guidance and protection
in each and every matter.
Ya Allah, we are living in a country
where despite our challenges and the difficulties we
have, Ya Allah, we can have a relative,
Ya Allah, time of security, Ya Allah, able
to spend time with our families, Ya Allah,
with our children, with our wives, Ya Allah,
the people in Palestine don't have that luxury,
Ya Allah, Ya Allah, they don't know when
my husbands go out in the morning or
even normally whether they will be able to
sleep in a safe manner.
Ya Allah, Ya Allah, You make it easy
for them, Ya Allah, Ya Allah, You grant
them relief, Ya Allah, You grant them safety,
Ya Allah, You grant them, Ya Allah, Ya
Allah, grant them, Ya Allah, the ability to
resist the oppression, Ya Allah, and grant them
victory, Ya Allah, and Ya Allah, You grant
them relief from the oppression that they are
facing, Ya Allah, and You grant ease to
all of us in all our different myriad
challenges that we have, Ya Allah.
Muhammad, who
did the presentation and the slideshow?
Someone helped?