Daood Butt – Essential Fiqh Class – Sunday December 6, 2020
AI: Summary ©
The speakers discuss the legality of marriage and divorce in Canada, emphasizing the importance of respecting laws of the person they live in and not being married to more than one spouse. They also discuss the legal framework for marriage, including forgiveness and privacy, and the need for parents to know who their children are. The speakers provide information on addressing various topics, including breast milk and avoiding being blind to what they see. They encourage parents to not be blind to what they see and to not let go of their potential.
AI: Summary ©
It was lm Elena v Hill Karim Ali follow Sala to attend with a slim Bishop, nice Audrey way, I certainly am very lucky that Emily Sani of Coco Lee, my brothers and my sisters said Mr Alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatu.
So it is Sunday night once again. And as we typically do on a Sunday night, we study through the book of fic. Or we learn through we study through the chapters of thick, I should say. And tonight, we continue along through our journey of the chapter, or through the chapter of marriage. And as you can see, it's been a long week and a long day. So, forgive me, if I'm a little bit off my game, however, we're going to be going through the chapter of marriage, and we're going to be covering an important part of marriage. And as I mentioned last week, you know, this is really the chapter that are the part of the chapter where a lot of people are, you know, really interested in paying
attention to,
or they really aren't interested in paying attention to it to either it's a make or break for them. And a lot of the time, it's because of a misunderstanding of our Deen. Okay. So we are going to begin by talking about the permissibility, of having more than one wife within Islam. But also, as a disclaimer to put out there, the fact that within Canada, and please do check with the laws of the country that you live in, you know, it may not be permitted, and against the law to to have more than one spouse. And so, you know, there are certain things that a person needs to look at, with regards to their, their belief, and what's permissible, and so on. But also, we need to respect the
laws of the land that we live in. And we need to make sure that we don't do anything that is wrong or illegal.
Having said that, once again, I'm going to I'm going to remind everyone that we are studying the chapter on marriage, and you know, when we are talking about marriage, we do sometimes mentioned terms that you may or may not want your children or I should say you may not want your children to hear. So again, this is not a part of, you know, the dean that you you, you might feel comfortable letting your little or younger children
watch or attend. So you know, maybe get them in bed and shot a lot of data, we are going to like I said, talk about the permissibility of having multiple wives, but also we are going to cover and the more lengthy part of tonight is is actually about who a person is prohibited
to wed, okay, who someone is not allowed to marry. So what are the categories of people that we are not allowed to get married to before that we'll look at if a man has more than one wife, and we were talking about,
you know, doing justice to the spouse, and, you know, looking after the needs of the spouse at marriage at the time of marriage. And one thing that I said we would get into is if a person has more than one wife, it is obligatory upon him to be just and equitable to both of them, okay, and to make sure that he is not showing favoritism to one spouse over the other. Now, like I said before, it is something that is permissible within Islam, but within certain countries where a certain lens it may not be. And again, we're going to teach the dean because hey, we're teaching it online. And there are some people who live in countries that may have more than one spouse, and they may not be
treating that spouse properly. And so they need to know what is
what is the stance of Islam or what does Islam say with regards to this. So the prophets on a longer it he was seldom warned, those who had more than one wife by saying whoever has two wives and shows favoritism to one of them will come out on the Day of Judgment with one of his sides hanging down.
So the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam warned to anyone who has more than one spouse who is not treating them justly, and when we say just Allah Subhana, Allah mentions in the court and to treat the spouses, you know, be fair and try to be equal in what you give to each one of those spouses. However, there is no sin If a person's heart is inclined towards one over the other. And you'll see this with parents as well. parents who have children, sometimes the parent will feel as though they're more connected to one child as opposed to another child. And so a loss of hanaway to add is the creator of the hearts and he has made certain things permissible for us and certain things
impermissible for us, but some things are out of our control. If the heart
desires something more than the other or desire someone more than the other, then that's out of our control, we can't control it. But what we can control is our expression of that feeling. And so we can control our feelings. Sorry, we can't control our feelings sometimes. But we may control our expression of our feelings, okay?
Now a person might say we can't control our feelings. I think that there are certain times that we can or certain feelings that we can control. And that comes with nearness to Allah, some kind of way to our connection to our Deen, the more we are connected to what is right and what is true. Our our soul will desire to come closer to a lot in what is good and what is right. And so our feelings can, in my view, if you know in based on the way I feel, with regards to the dean and our connection to the dean, sometimes when we're far from a loss of headway to add, we feel like we want something that we know is not right. But when we're close to a lot, we no longer feel like we want that
anymore. Right? And, and I know that's probably a little heavy and technical. So we're not going to go through too much of that. Allah subhanho wa Taala says, while just dabbling in Oh, Tara Dino Beynon nice,
he won't know how else to tell me the
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I must have had with Alice Allah says that you'll never be able to do perfect justice between wives, even if you're arguing, you know, even if, if you desire so strongly to do so. So you try your best basically, but also kind of with Allison, you try your best, right.
And do not incline too much towards one over the other, you know, giving one of the more of your time and your provisions and your you know, energy and your wealth and so on and so forth. So as to leave the other one hanging kalamalka. As in, they don't feel like they're divorced, but they don't feel like they're married, they don't really know what their position is. And this happens, there are some brothers who, and I'm not saying here in our society, but I've traveled a lot, I have not dealt with any cases here of anyone, you know, in, in this situation, you know, having multiple wives and so on, but internationally and have and
one thing that I have dealt with over here, though, is, you know, or our, I should say, our because the more than one brothers who
argue with their spouse, to the point that they no longer want to be married to them, but they refuse to divorce them, or they refuse to agree to divorce. And they refuse to sign the documentation to you know, proceed with a divorce. And in Canada, we have the Separation Agreement, first off,
and so that wife feels as though she's just left hanging. Like she doesn't really know what's going on. And he refuses to talk to her and the relationship isn't going anywhere. And you know, she's she's just very confused, left in the middle, you know, doesn't know what to do and so on. And so my brothers sisters Remember, you know, this could be this this could be the other way around as well. Sometimes it's a sister who you know wants to separate and and I don't understand why Allah Subhana Allah knows best sometimes the sister will say you know what, I just want to separate I don't want to divorce let's just separate Well, why why just hang there. And yes, within Canada, you can sign a
Separation Agreement and just be separated, but you're not fully officially divorced. And so you know, those are things that we ask Allah subhana wa Taala to help everyone with
and we don't want to see anyone just hanging in the relationship not knowing you know, what, what their position is? Am I married? Am I not married it you know, what, what's the deal? And of course, you know, for Muslims, if any non Muslim is watching this, they think to themselves, okay, this doesn't make any sense. But for Muslims, we look at it from an assignment perspective as well as from the legal right. And so if a Muslim is going to get divorced, legally, they will also look at getting divorced statically and want to just have that verbal pronounciation or pronouncing of the divorce.
All right, that's that we move on now. Okay. Again, keep your questions for the end. We're going to look at how many women can have free men marry, okay. It is permissible to be married to more
sorry, it is not permissible to be married to more than four lives okay within Islam. According to the deen according to Islam, however, you still need to respect the laws of the land that you live in. So if
We are not legally permitted to marry or be married to more than one spouse, then we should respect the laws of the land. If you want to be married to more than one spouse, well then maybe you need to move to a different country. Okay? And this is the advice that I usually share with people, you know, I've had I've had times where you know, brothers will come in and be like, you know, and usually it's the brothers who are not even married to one wife yet they're like, you know, I want to marry two wives. How can I make it possible in Canada like well, it isn't possible in Canada so if that's what you're interested in and you came from another country, well, maybe you should go back
and steak over there where it is permissible for you to do that over here in Canada, it isn't and so we have to respect the laws of the land. It is not something that is stopping us from you know, fulfilling our our belief in Allah subhana wa tada we are still able to pray too fast to travel for Hajj, we're still able to, you know,
believe in Allah subhana wa Tada, we're still able to pay our zeca so the main principle core elements of our Deen we are still able to do and you know, the extras. Remember sometimes brothers joke around about this and I'm actually getting really irritated with you know, seeing people joke around about it. I was going to post on social media today, actually. You know, I just and my wife and I, we talked about it all the time. It's not the the multiple spouse jokes I'm talking about just marriage jokes. Sometimes people joke around about marriage a little bit too much. You know, they'll poke it at the opposite spouse, right? Like, brothers always be poking it, you know, their
their wife or making wife jokes, right jokes about being a husband and what you have to go through. Enough is enough, like, come on, Pamela work on your relationship. If it's really that bad, then work on your relationship. And you know what, if you have nothing good to say the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam told us if you have nothing good to say, then don't say it at all. Right? If you have nothing good to say about your spouse, then just don't say anything. Right? And if you have nothing good to say about being married, then don't say anything bad about it, stop making it difficult for those who want to get married and looking at you saying Hey, wait a second. You know,
marriage doesn't look so good. From from your lens, right? And some of you want to ask questions. I know like I said, keep those questions for the end in sha Allah. Okay.
We move on.
Women, that one is prohibited to wet. Now this obviously is going to go both ways men that a woman is prohibited from getting married to Okay, so we just make it simple by looking at who the man is not allowed to get married to and obviously we flip it around. And that means the woman is not allowed to get married to the men in that case as well. Okay, so Allah subhanaw taala simplifies it and makes it easy for us. And this is found at the end of the fourth joys, the last two verses of the fourth just and the first verse of the fifth of Jews and I'll recite them in shalom to Allah in Arabic and then we'll go through them point by point.
My wife joined late. Sorry
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E? And we'll stop there and shout along to Allah. Like I said it's vs number 2223 and 24 have sort of two nice up. So what I aneesa Okay, what does a loss of handling data say I'm not going to read through the translation of it, you can go and read through it, but in fact, we're going to go through all of those as well. So if you want to read through it a loss of Henry Dinah says, like, like he's mentioned there, how many metallicum Omaha Tacoma Tacoma Tacoma and magic mohalla Tacoma Veneto
melotti organic mathematical meaning that, you know, you can read through all of that it'll show you point form in sha Allah but we'll go through it technically now. Okay.
So
Allah Subhana, Allah shows us here, the women, the women, that one is not allowed to marry. Upon further inspection of this we can break it down into two categories. First of all, those who are perpetually ineligible, okay, like a woman who is forbidden for men to marry during all times, there's no option whatsoever of marriage, and then there are those who are temporary ineligible, okay, so those who are perpetually ineligible and those who are temporary ineligible, so perpetually as in you can never it's forbidden for you to marry them ever that you will never ever be able to marry them for example, they can men marrying his mother, not permissible ever, there will never
ever be a time where that becomes permissible within us now, and number two, temporary ineligible, okay, such as a woman,
a forbidden for men to marry as long as she is in her present particular state. And if her condition changes than the prohibition seizes, and she becomes eligible as a wife for that meant, for example, a woman that's already married to another men, it's how I'm for another men to come and propose or try to marry or to be married to her. Whereas if she gets divorced from her husband, and that is over, then she is now able to marry that to men, for example, okay, and we'll look at examples of every single one of these. Okay, so the causes for perpetual in up in eligibility are blood relations, as in they're related through blood,
marriage ties, and breastfeeding ties. Okay, so they are either you know, related to each other through blood, or through marriage or through breastfeeding.
First of all,
those perpetually forbidden due to blood relations are mothers, daughters, sisters, paternal aunt, maternal aunt, or Auntie, as I like to say,
nieces
via one's brother and nieces via one sister. Okay, so I'll mention that again. Those perpetually forbidden due to blood relations. So you can never ever marry
your mother. You can never ever marry your daughter. Okay, so a men, we should say not just you. A men can never ever marry his mother. A man can never ever marry his daughter. A man can never ever marry his sister. A man can never ever marry is on D from his father. So his father's sister, he can never ever marry his mother's sister.
And he can never ever marry his niece from his brothers or his niece from his sisters.
Okay, because of the blood relationship. And that is never, ever, ever, ever. Okay.
Those, again, who are perpetually in eligible to get married to the second category are those perpetually forbidden due to marriage? So we mentioned that there was blood relations. We just covered that like the mother and the sister and the antonym nice. Now those who are forbidden due to marriage are the mother in law. So a men can never ever marry his mother.
Law okay.
And
this in this condition or in this case, it is not a condition for the marriage to be consummated as soon as the marriage contract is agreed to right then it is done, whether they whether the men and his, his bride, right the the groom and the bride, whether they consummate the marriage or not, the groom can never ever marry her mother
ever, okay, on the spot on the signing of the contract, she becomes how long for him, and he becomes how long for her.
Um,
also, those that are forbidden through marriage are step daughters from a wife with whom that men has consummated the marriage. So a brother marries a sister or a men marries a woman, and she has children from a previous marriage. Once they consummate their marriage, her children are how long for him to get married to forever, if she passes away, or he divorces her. And he plans on marrying one of the daughters cannot happen because they consummated their marriage. It's like he is, you know, linked to their mother and a home. Okay.
Number three, the daughter in law.
Okay, the daughter in law. So I know it's a little bit technical for some of you might be wise to write a little bit of this down or you can go back to the recording and watch it. Okay. So Thirdly, those that are perpetually forbidden due to marriage, the daughter in law, okay, she becomes perpetually forbidden at the conclusion of the marriage contract. So the same thing as the mother in law, but now the daughter in law so a sister who's getting married to, you know, her her groom, her father in law becomes how mom for her immediately and he is mom for her. The interesting thing about this is that
her father in law will always be mom for her, even if she divorces her husband,
her ex husband's father, his mom to her always. And a men, let's say, you know, a man who's married to a woman, his mother in law. He is mom for her even if he divorces his wife. Okay.
And fourthly,
those who are perpetually forbidden due to marriage, the step mother, she becomes forbidden for the men as soon as the contract is concluded. Okay, so the stepmother
becomes forbidden for the men as soon as the contract is concluded. Now we move off into the third category of those were perpetually forbidden. Okay, now this is just breaking it down. Okay.
Those perpetually forbidden due to breastfeeding relationships.
Include your foster mother, who fed you. So if a woman is able to breastfeed and breastfeed the child and that child when the child grows older, is how to marry that woman. Okay, he's not allowed to marry her.
So your foster mother who gave you suck your foster milk suckling sisters, as well. Okay, so Allah subhanaw taala mentions the foster mother, as the mother who breastfeeds or the woman who breastfeeds as well as the
female children, or the girls who fed off of that
woman as well. So if you have a son, and some other family has a daughter, right, and they're both babies, and they feed a number of times from that woman who you know, is producing milk, then those two children are actually technically brother and sister. They can no longer ever get married to each other. Okay. The prophets on long ladder Us and Them said breastfeeding makes forbidden what is forbidden through blood relations.
Based on this the breastfeeding foster mother, okay, so the woman who is breastfeeding has the same place as the mother as in takes that same ruling that you can never ever marry her.
The one she breastfeeds is forbidden for her. And all the relations to her will also be forbidden to that child, as in the case of the birth mother. So for example, that baby who fed off of the woman
When he gets older, he is not allowed to marry her. Okay, you can't marry the there's seven categories now can't marry her the woman who breastfed him.
He is not allowed to marry the mother of the woman who breastfed him. Okay, so her mother, he's not allowed to marry the mother in law of the breastfeeding woman.
Okay, he is not allowed to marry the sister of that breastfeeding woman.
So her sister, he's not allowed to marry the sister of the husband of the breastfeeding woman. So the sister of
the husband to the woman who breastfed, so the woman who breastfed her husband sisters are also held on for that baby when they grow up to marry.
Um, and lastly, her sisters, so he's not allowed to marry her sisters either. Okay, and this might be a little technical, but you can always go back and watch it and you can read through the verse as well. The breastfeeding that makes one ineligible for marriage is as I showed the lover and her said that the profits on a longer it was seldom said one suckling and two sucklings do not establish the relationship that forbids the two from marrying and so forth. It has to be enough to actually get nutrition into that child. So a number of sucklings right five to 10 generally, and as I showed up the along on her said in another narration, it was revealed in the Quran 10 sucklings make the child
forbidden. And then it was abrogated to five sucklings and the prophets on Allahu Allah usnm died. And that was and that was what was recited of the Quran. Okay, so five sucklings that child needs to feed from that woman five times. Okay, for feeding, not just like, okay, feed and then take the baby off the breast, and then feed again and then take the baby off the breast and then no feed fully as in like feed till it's full and satisfied, usually the baby will fall asleep. And then when the baby is hungry at either you the next time or another day, basically during the first two years of that child's life, if that baby had, you know, five full, you know, meals you could say from that woman,
then that makes the relationship between the two of them head on as in their Hello for each other, but how long to ever get married to one another. Okay.
Now you guys are learning fick technically, okay, however, it is a condition that the breastfeeding takes place during the first two years. As we just finished mentioning the loss of Henry Tanner says while we're early that we all were in a
unique him, you know, you need a man or the AAU team, my love are the mothers so give sucked to the children for two whole years. For those parents, that is for those parents who desire to complete the term of suckling. Okay, so within the first two years, if that child feeds five times from a child from from from another woman, then that's when it becomes permissible. Now, some people ask this question, my child is 12 years old, and, for example, someone remarries
and they have children from a previous marriage, and they're marrying someone who has children from a previous marriage, and they want those children, you know, the stepbrother and stepsister to be held to be around each other. Right? Of course, they'll be how long to marry because their parents are married to each other, and have consummated the marriage However,
they want them to be brother and sister of each other, where they can take hijab off and just you know, be free in the house and not have to, you know, have segregation and so on and so forth. Right? So
some brothers and sisters will ask this question, my child is, let's say 10, or 12 or 15 years old, and her children are, you know, heard, let's just say a brother has a boy and a sister has a girl. And both of their children are 15. Right? And they get their parents get married, and they have another child. So now the mother is breastfeeding. And they say, hey, can the 15 year old boy drink the milk? Right? Not necessarily drink directly from the breast, but maybe she pumps the milk and give him the milk to drink? Right? And can we do this five times and then after? You know, he'll be brother and sister to the other? No.
Like we said, the condition there is within the first two years. Okay within the first two years, so
respect that. That's all about
I'm going to say, okay, that's all I'm gonna say some people will actually go and take vitamins.
A woman might say, you know what, I'm not planning on getting pregnant or anything and having a child but I want to produce milk in order to feed his child who's you know, under a certain age and they take vitamins in order to produce that milk and feed the child that's still under the age of two. That's where there's a little bit of a loophole and it might be permissible to do that, but you know, if anyone has these issues or is in this situation, you can always reach out and we can talk about it off air and Shawn law, okay.
Um
on cinema, or the illawarra narrated that the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, breastfeeding does not make one ineligible for marriage unless it is such that it provides the nutrients to the stomach of the child at the breast, and is before it is weaned.
Okay, so before that child is eating solid foods
All right, let's move on and trauma women that one is temporarily forbidden to marry. Okay, women that a man is temporarily forbidden to marry
and we'll end with this inshallah is not much more than just five points here.
Women that one is temporarily forbidden to marry first off
having two sisters as wives at one time. So it is not permissible systemically for a men to be married to two sisters at the same time as in they are both sisters from the same mother. Okay, not permissible systemically.
Of course in Canada, we don't really need to worry about this because we're not allowed to be married to more than one spouse at a time. So it's not really something that applies to us. But it's just general knowledge that a man cannot be married to two sisters at the same time. Now, here's something that some people might say, is a glitch. The glitch might be well, you know what, we're getting divorced. So husband and wife is are getting divorced and the husband is actually interested in his wife's sister. So they go ahead and do a kneecap before their legal divorce is finalized. That's not permissible. Okay, we should wait until that divorce is finalized. And then if that
brother wants to marry his ex wife, sister, and male will help him when they have family get togethers and he meets his new in laws who are his previous loss male help
might not be easy. What is the evidence for this loss of handwheels Allah says one dejima will been an octane illa godself two sisters in wedlock at the same time, except for what has already passed as in if that's something that took place in the past class. Now we look at it from now on, you know, when this was revealed, moving forward, it is not permissible to be married to two sisters at the same time. If someone is married to two sisters at the same time, he must divorce one of them okay.
Number two, having a woman and her maternal or paternal aunt as wives at the same time. So you cannot be married to a man cannot be married to his wife and her
maternal or paternal aunt at the same time.
This is based off had either a book or the long run now who narrated that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said a woman and her paternal aunt nor a woman and her maternal aunt are to be together as wives to a man at the same time. Okay.
Number three,
it is temporarily forbidden to marry someone.
And again, why do we say temporary so if we go to this second example that we just took the men who's married to a his wife and her maternal or paternal aunt at the same time? Why is it temporary? Because he's not allowed to be married to both of them at the same time. However, if it let's just say he's not married to both of them at the same time, let's just say he's married to his wife and his wife passes away. And along comes in I'm not going to put my middle finger up I'll put
right along comes his, you know maternal, his ex wife's maternal or paternal aunt. He's allowed to marry her
Okay, he's allowed to marry her. I don't know if he's gonna want to marry her.
But if he wants to or chooses to, then that's his choice. And that would be permissible. Okay, but can't be married to them at the same time.
Okay.
Number three, from those who are temporarily forbidden to marry is the wife of another men, or one going through a waiting period as in going through the death. So men cannot be married to the wife of another men.
Or
the woman who was divorced or widowed, and is still observing her, right? Right? That is basically the waiting time. It is three menstrual cycles or three months for the woman who is divorced, it is one month for the woman who
went through a hole out and it is four months and 10 days for the widow. Okay. So the wife of another men, you can't go and propose to her. Right? You'd have to wait for her to and we took this already a few weeks ago, we've learned about proposal, right? We we are not allowed to propose to a woman who's already married to someone, nor to propose to a woman who's going through her idea. She's observing her idea, okay? So do not go and propose to your your friend's wife, for example, because you think, Hey, you know what, he's a loser. And you know what? I'll marry you. I'll take care of you. No, don't do that. Right? Because that's not permissible. Okay, she has to sort out her
issues, and finalize where she stands in her marriage, then go through that debt. And if, if she's ever, you know, divorced or available to get married, then it's permissible to propose to her. But if she's still married to someone, or the divorce is still ongoing, then she's not allowed to marry someone else during that time.
And if her death is ongoing, let's say her husband passed away, or her husband divorced her, then she has to wait out that Why? Now, there's a number of reasons. First of all, if she was divorced, for the first time, then she's still observing and for maybe another three months or two months or one month and within that time, her husband can can you know, take her back can go and try to reconcile and, you know, take her back as his wife without doing a kneecap all over again.
So no man can come and step into way. Okay, you need to respect that.
And this was mentioned in the ayah that Allah subhana wa tada
that we that we recited
verse number 24 of Surah Nisa. Okay, verse number 24, sort of Denise is mentioned there. Number four, from those who are temporarily forbidden to marry is the woman that has a sorry, the woman that one has divorced three times. So if a man is married to his spouse, and he divorces her once, and then takes her back, right, and they reconcile, and then he divorces her a second time. And then they reconcile. So now he's back with her third time.
If he divorces her the third time,
then he is not allowed to reconcile or even re marry her. Okay, he can't say from us, you know, we're officially divorced. You know, we got divorced three times, but now we've sorted out our differences. And let's get married again. Let's just do any count. Everything will be fine. Don't worry, no, sorry. You can't do that. Why? Allah Subhana. Allah wants you to learn your lesson. Okay? And I say it that way. Because sometimes people throw divorce at their spouse a little too easily, and they don't care about the feelings of that spouse. They don't care about their wife's feelings. And they just show off as though you know, everything's in my hands. I'm in control. No, you're not
in control laws in control. At the end of the day, you don't have final say a loss of Henry Tanner has final say. And Allah Subhana Allah, Allah has given you the opportunity to, you know, be in this marriage in a certain way. If you don't want to be in that marriage in a certain way respectfully, well, there's the door and he can give that door an opening for for that woman as well. So Allah subhana wa, tada sort of protects that woman.
If we can, you know, say it that way. Right. A loss of hanway data gives her the ability to move on from that husband, right or the ex husband. What is the evidence here a loss of power
What Allah says, but in Allah further to Lula woman buried tenki has Odeon Aveda in Bulaga. her fellow Juna, highly Hema ianto Raja insulin in your femur who do the law. First number 230 of saltimbocca, Allah Subhana. Allah says, and if he has divorced her the third time, okay? Then she is not lawful unto him thereafter until she has married another husband, and what does she have to do? She doesn't just go and sign the papers and say, Yes, I agree to marry him. And then one minute later, he divorces her. And you know, they paid him $50 just to do this, you know, agree to say yes, or $500. And I've actually heard of cases of this. This is, you know, don't don't think that this is
unreal. And people don't do this. I know of cases where, you know, husband and wife, they didn't know they didn't take it seriously. And you know, Divorce, Divorce, Divorce, and then they're like, well, we don't want to be divorced. Well, too bad. You divorced her three times already. So they'll find someone else who's willing to take $500 or $1,000 to do any cash with that, you know, woman, and five minutes later, divorce her and then wait for that to be over. And then that ex husband, the first one will come back and marry her again. That's not permissible. Okay, you can bribe someone can pay someone to provide that service. Look what Allah subhana wa, tada, wants.
Allah subhanho wa Taala doesn't want that woman to simply go and do a kneecap with someone else. He's also showing her Hey, take it seriously as well. Okay.
You want to get back with that first men who divorced you three times?
Are you serious? And if you're serious,
then you need to get divorced from someone else. So Allah subhanho data is showing you, you need to move on because maybe you're not seeing things clearly. And I've dealt with cases like this as well, where a sister is she.
And you know what, sometimes there's been so much mental
abuse, that she feels she can never, ever move on in life. She's not able to stand on her own. Her family's going to, you know, speak ill of her. People are gonna laugh at her society's going to talk about her and so on and so forth. So she feels like, you know what, I just need to get back with him. Even though at times it may have been an abusive marriage, physical abuse, verbal abuse, mental abuse, whatever it is, you know, they feel that you know, that's, that's best for them. Last Penwith Allah is showing you, maybe someone else is better for you.
There may be other options that you have that you just haven't had the confidence, the courage to go and explore yet. So be patient. So a person here in this case, a loss of hanaway data says
that, you know, someone who's been divorced three times, it can't go back and marry that other men, you'd have to marry someone else and not just marry them, but marry and consummate that marriage.
I don't make the religion. I don't make the DNA. Allah subhanaw taala gives us the guidebook, right and shows us through the Sunnah.
we as human beings may think differently, but Allah subhana wa tada knows our hearts knows our feelings, knows our thoughts, knows our emotions knows Allah subhanaw taala knows how our brains function and how we are as human beings and so he provided for us the advice that's best for us.
And the last thing that we'll take, which is number five, is marrying someone who fornicated Okay, someone who
had * outside of marriage, okay. It is not permissible for men to marry a woman who's had * outside of marriage.
Or for a woman to marry a man who's had * outside of marriage, unless they have repented to a loss of hand water Hannah and I will say this again, unless they have repented to a loss of Halloween to add
a lot some kind of way to add it says in sort of the North verse number three, the adulterer Mary's not but an adulterous or a polytheist and the adulterous
nun marries her except an adulterer or polytheist such thing such a thing is forbidden to the believers. Now, I'm going to throw this out there and mention that
we live first of all in a society where
and I hate
To give this fact but I'm going to give it anyways.
It's a fact that students have confirmed with me at high school.
So some Muslim students have spoken to me and said,
at a few different times, that it's rare to find someone graduating from high school nowadays, who is still a virgin. It's rare. And I find that completely shocking. And super, super scary, super scary. Like, if you have teenage children, you better be talking to them about this. Don't pretend like it doesn't exist. I have cases of brothers and sisters who are teenagers, or who are no longer teenagers who made this mistake when they were in high school because of peer pressure.
And they don't know what to do. And they come to me, and they asked me,
How am I supposed to live the rest of my life?
Or some of them come and ask me? Is it permissible? Yes. And these are Muslim children. Okay, we're talking about Muslim children. I'm talking about our Muslim teenagers. Okay. Not the non Muslims, non Muslims.
The, you know, the rules are very flexible there. But, you know, for the Muslims, you know, it's it's, it hurts to see that the that Muslims who grow up in households, we know, they're not supposed to do this, they fall into this because of peer pressure.
I actually had a brother come to me once he's in grade 12. He was in grade 12. This was quite a few years ago. He was in grade 12. And he told me, he said, myself, and a Muslim sister in my class, are the only two people who are still virgins.
And he says, I he spoke to the sister, and said, why don't we just pretend like we did sweep with each other, so that we stop getting picked on subpanel? Ah, look at that. Let me say that again. A brother came to me once a few years ago, quite a few years ago, in grade 12, and said, myself, and another Muslim sister in my class. And he told me there are many other Muslims in his class, and they've all lost their virginity, whether with another Muslim or not. But he was saying that, is it permissible for myself and this sister to pretend like we have had * with each other, so that we stop getting picked on at school by our classmates. So Panama,
Panama, we need to stand strong, we need to stop. We need to stop
this from happening. Like, what is wrong with a high school student graduating going off to college or university and still being a virgin? Nothing's wrong with it. Nothing's wrong with it. Okay. And,
you know, for
I don't want to get into this topic, because I'll talk all night long, because society puts so much pressure on certain things. And then when a Muslim comes around and says, You know what, I don't want to do that. It's like, but why you're free to do it. No, I don't want to do it. But what but you should know, I don't want to do it. But it's okay. You can explore it, but I don't want to do it, stop telling me to do it. I don't want to do it. Right. And that's what's really, really annoying is that some of our Muslim youth are like, we don't want to do this. And it's like, we're being forced to, it's like, society is saying it's okay, but it's not okay. But it's okay. But it's
not okay. It's okay. It's not okay. It's just just leave them alone. Stand Alone. Right? We live in a society where it's like, Oh, don't talk about me. Don't talk about them. Don't talk about others. But then it's okay to talk about the Muslim and criticize the Muslim who wants to live in a more pure, more conservative way you could say,
be amongst and we're going to stop there in sha Allah. Oh, yes. What I wanted to mention is that the reason why I got into this was there are times where brothers and sister later on at a later point in time are looking to get married.
And they may have done something in their past and they repented. If they repented and they never went back to that and they're sincere and genuine in their repentance. Then do not open that door. Okay, do not open that door.
Why do you need to open it they repented to a loss of hundreds and hundreds leave it they don't feel good about that. They're ashamed about it. If they are if they're genuine, their repentance, they will be ashamed of it they will not be happy of it about it right? So close that door. seek forgiveness from Allah subhanho wa Taala add and we ask Allah subhana wa
Added to make it easy for
all of us, all of us, all of us because getting into desires is something that's very, very easy to fall into. And we ask how many times it's a project every single one of us. And
that's it for today. We'll open it up for some questions if anyone has any questions, inshallah. And it's Sunday night, it's almost nine o'clock. It's almost the beginning of my weekend.
And
I'm getting all these extra messages coming in and emails and I'm like, why do you got to be messaging me at nine o'clock on a Sunday? Just leave me alone. I'm not talking about the messages on the chat right now. I'm talking about the messages. Okay. So anyone who asked a question prior to now, on the chat, just type it in now because I'm not going to be scrolling up and down like crazy. Okay.
So type it in and I'll try and find your question. And
there's a question here. don't really want to do this. Okay, so if anyone has any questions, well, sorry. Just type it in.
Okay, how do I know they don't seek forgiveness? I never said I never said anyone didn't secure goodness. But if someone did then humbler nothing wrong with that let them seek forgiveness.
You must be in the East Coast.
On the east coast.
There was someone asked one of the colors of orangey
Okay, I'm not sure if that's a question or statement
having intimate relationship prior marriage is to be punished by
okay.
So I'm not going to be talking about punishments
I don't feel that that's needed right now to discuss and I usually don't talk about the punishments that are lost family data has set forth here because we have a completely different legal system. So in other countries like in you know, countries where they will follow certain
Islamic
laws you could say they might follow that but we don't follow that here because we're not in a position of authority to do that. Okay. So we'll leave it at that inshallah.
Anything you do apart from studying to do well on exams, relax, relax the mind. A lot of the time people study too much and their mind is not relaxed enough. So relax the mind rest well eat well do some exercise get the blood rushing, right releasing those endorphins and be calm be calm. Okay. Over studying is not good as well.
I did send a question as
I'm sorry I was into the recording after being able to
listen to a live but I have to read this question.
Question if you can answer just like a law should I wait to do legal divorce after How am I supposed to see this whole question
are choosing to draw on the screen and share with your viewers? I can't read this whole question that's getting frustrating.
I cannot see the whole question
if any of you could see the whole question maybe you can copy it sir saying but I have a question if you can answer should I wait to do legal divorce after the duh I think period. If you something something something okay.
So you should islamically
our our Islamic legal system with regards to marriage and divorce is very different than here in Canada for
Example. What we encourage Muslims to do if they're getting divorced, is to also go through the divorce process legally. And it's lengthy. I know I understand it takes a long time, but go through it legally. And once that is done, then and only then should you get married to someone else if you want to. Okay? The reason why we say that is because if you go and get married to someone, while your divorce is still not finalized, then you're breaking the law. And we can't do that in Canada. Okay. So be patient with it, Allah subhana wa, tada will, you know, give you the opportunity?
Or can't get rid of that question. Now, for some reason, I
just need to move my screen a little bit.
Okay, what was written here?
Yes. Do you exercise over studying is?
What's your take on meditation? Praise Allah. Praise Allah. Okay, pray your prayers. That's your meditation as a Muslim, make dua and pray your Salah.
How can we confirm with our kids, if they are still a virgin?
There are certain things I guess are meant to be kept between a person and a loss of Hannah which had, but you could also ask, okay, you could ask, we should be having these conversations with our children, especially once they reach a teenage years that, you know, I know there's gonna be pressure on you, your friends are going through certain things, you know, there's there's a lot in society that's hyper sexualized all around us.
You know, just want you to know, you can always come and talk to us about it. And you know, if there's anything that we can help out with, and so on, and so forth. Get them to open up with you in Sharla. And then, you know, you just have to, at some point in time, leave the restaurant last.
I heard people can't have more than one wife in Canada, but they're all people who have to How come? Well, I, I find that really interesting as a question, right? You heard people can't have more than one life in Canada. But I know, but you say that, you know, people who have to outcome? Well, because they're doing what they want to do. You know, we're advised to wear masks when we go to certain places, or to stay away from people's houses and not together so much right now. But people still are, how come? We're told to put our seatbelts on when we drive. But people still do that. They leave their seatbelt off while they drive sometimes. How come?
Canadians are told that you know, you can't drink alcohol until you reach a certain age. And of course, we know islamically it's Haram. But we find people who are above a certain age who are not Muslim, for example, who drink alcohol and then drive. Right? So Pamela, I saw a list of six. I think it was just over the weekend, or within the last week, the Halton Regional Police, they posted on Twitter, you know, list of I think it was six names of people that have been arrested.
In the last
week, I believe it was due to driving under the influence. And I went through the list of the names to see Are any of these names, you know, Arabic or Muslim sounding names?
Just to say Alhamdulillah at the end of it, you know, but why? Why? Why? You know, how come they were driving after drinking alcohol? You know, why did they do that? How come? Well, people break rules? Because people break rules. Is it right? No. Are we taught to break rules in them?
Less penalty, how to help us all.
How can we talk to our kids about this topic and what age should we discuss about how I'm relationship? Okay, here's a question for all of you. At what age do you think you should start talking to children about relationships. I think that from the time children are young, like 567 years old, you start talking to them about has been in life and things that are permissible and things that are not permissible. And one thing that I find interesting, you know, in in many
households, especially somewhere the parents grew up in a different culture. You know, you don't show your affection in front of your children,
for each other as husband and wife, and I find that's wrong, you know, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam showed his love to show the love outside of their home. He put his hand around her, she put her chin on his shoulder and put her cheek against his cheek, you know, they would run together and race and stuff like that when they were traveling with the caravan. And all these things were like seen outside of the house. And yet, here we are as Muslims, and we say we need to follow the Sunnah of Muhammad Sallallahu, alayhi wasallam. But I can't show my kids that I love my spouse. So you'll never see a father put his hand around his wife and give her a hug, like normal toolbar. Don't do
that. Right? Or you'll never see some kids will say I've never seen my parents kiss.
Not even on the cheek No, no, stuffing a lot. No. Why not? How do you begin these conversations, our children, if they don't see us showing affection, they will never ask us. But if for example, if my kids, our kids see me giving my wife A kiss to be like, Oh, why are you doing that? And then, you know, I like to say, well, it's my husband, I'm allowed to, you know, we're your parents, but we're husband and wife, and it's permissible, we're allowed to do this, you know, and then they start asking questions, you know, what's permissible, what's not permissible. And so you don't have to talk to young children, you know, under the age of, you know, 789 10 years old about
super going into, like, super details and stuff like that. But at least a conversation begins somewhere and they feel comfortable talking to you about it, right? They feel comfortable talking to you about it was to someone else or going online and find something new. Okay.
So it depends on your children, and their age, and so on and so forth. Like how
some children are different than other children. Right? So keep that in mind.
10 years ago, health education in grade six here. Yes. So that's one thing that people need to keep in mind as well is, look, your kids are learning certain things at school. He were let's go back to the 80s. Right, late 80s, early 90s 1990, probably, you know, I learned things in school that till today, I don't want to talk about in front of my parents. But we were taught it at school. And we're talking about many years ago, and times have changed like crazy since then, like then, for a teacher to come to school with a skirt, you know, that went that was below her knees was like the highest skirt was now with like, the and I'm just using that as an example. You know, for for, for people
to, you know,
compare how times have changed. So Pamela, they've changed drastically. Right? The things that we see, and the things that go on are completely different. So, you know, I remember when my mother was going to school, she told us if if her skirt was above her ankle or her ankle showed in class, when they were sitting down, they would get punished somehow a lot. No, it's like, you see everything. And it's okay. It's fine. Freedom.
So our children are exposed to a lot of things that we don't talk to them about. And that's wrong. We shouldn't be blind to what they're exposed to and pretend like they don't get it. Okay.
Kids, movies and shows and just google searches. Okay.
All right. Let's see what's here. Some questions came up here as well.
Sorry.
Yeah. When that happens, scrolling issues. Okay, is it permissible to donate breast milk, donate breast milk. If it's needed, if another child needs it, then yes, it is permissible. And remember if you know who the child is, and you should try to know who the child is or the children that are getting it like if you know a mother who is not able to breastfeed her, let's say your neighbor, right is is ill or not able to breastfeed her child. And you know, a sister or mother is breastfeeding their child and she gives that milk to her neighbor for her neighbor's child. Then the cool thing about that
Is that those two babies technically become like brothers and sister to each other? So it is permissible to do that, and
do the rules of which people are impermissible to marry and apply to women to? Yes. So like I said at the beginning, maybe you came in late. Those. So we mentioned, kind of,
okay. So whatever we mentioned in the male to female context, you basically just flipped that. So, if the man is not allowed to marry his sister, then a woman is not allowed to marry her brother. If a man is not allowed to marry his mother in law, then a woman is not allowed to marry her father in law, okay? Same thing.
But instead of a loss of Henry Taylor making it even more complex and complicated, he just says the men is not allowed to marry these women. And by default, those women are not allowed to marry that man.
Makes sense? Okay.
turn those things on. But they don't have their kneecap done yet. Okay, a friend of mine is seeing someone but they don't have the new captain. Yeah, I've talked to him about it. But he says that he's not ready for all that yet. But he doesn't want to leave them. I have a feeling you've asked me this question before. I have a strong very strong feeling that you've asked me this question before. So I think I gave you the answer to this, right. Any advice on how you can advise them? And correct me if I'm wrong?
But I do think that I have answered your question on this before. What you do is you continue to talk to them, okay, you continue to talk to them, and you guide them and show them you know, think the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, what you're doing with this woman? Would you like someone to do that with your mother? Would you like someone to do that with your sister? Would you like someone to do that with your daughter? Would you like someone to do that with you know, someone who is related to you know, you wouldn't, you would look after them and protect them. And so the same thing applies to you. Right? You say that to that. But the same thing applies to you. Someone
would not want this, you to be doing this or to be interacting with their sister or daughter or mother or whoever it is. So please don't do that. And
all right. That seems like it's all the questions
that come along with Hayden for attending men loss of Hannah Montana, bless you and your families. Please forgive me if I said or did anything wrong.
For that, as for myself in shape on, and this topic is always very sensitive, and, you know, a topic that some people wish was spoken about a little bit more. And that's why I'd like to open it up for q&a. I know, you know, like some of the questions that were asked about,
about dealing with children, and you know how to go about it. And of course, I think that's something that we can talk about more and more in the future classes as well. One question just came in a man can marry his brother, a wife, if she is a widow.
I think what you mean is can a man marry his brother's wife? Who is a widow?
Yes. If you know certain if none of the other categories of it being How long are there and present? So generally, if she's a woman, you know, that's not related to them at all didn't breastfeed from them from the same woman and so on and so forth. So if you know, there's two brothers, and they're both You know, this one was married to the sister and this brother sorry to say this brother is married to that sister and he passed away then can this brother go and marry that sister after her idea is over? Yes, he can. Okay, yes, you can.
Okay, I'm sorry if you didn't ask that question before but I remember someone asking that very similar question. I think about two weeks ago or three weeks ago so I thought it was you forgive me for that for thinking that was you? Does a little hate on us. I'll see you all soon. inshallah. Baraka lo fi comm please do go back and watch the video recording again. If you want to you know just go over the the different categories and topics of people that are held and are held on for each other. But a low FICO or something a lot more sentimental about a candidate you know Mohammed or something or send him or send mRNA colmenar huhtamaki robotic cattle