Bilal Assad – Character #05 Cultivating Restraint
AI: Summary ©
The speaker discusses the importance of avoiding derogative nickonnage and "backbusters" when calling people by a nickname in Islam. They emphasize the importance of learning from one's own mistakes and respecting others' opinions. The speaker also provides advice on avoiding harm to others' names and offers a personal story about a teacher calling a coworker's child a "monkey."
AI: Summary ©
Assalamu
alaikum.
Oh,
an apple today.
Let's move on with our series.
Today, I wanna talk about the next verse.
Now this verse is really, really important. We've
gotta listen to it.
It
says,
Basically, what this verse means,
Allah is saying,
do not revile one another
with derogative nicknames,
calling each other ugly names, putting each other
downs with names.
And then Allah says something interesting.
Terrible
a terrible
thing it is
that people make a name for themselves
out of reviling others with nicknames.
And whoever does not repent, Allah says, then
they are truly the ones who are wrongdoers.
This is a very common thing today, isn't
it?
We make a living out of putting other
people down with nicknames
in order to make a name for ourselves.
Interesting how Allah
has put it. He said, do you wanna
make a name for yourself
by,
being derogative with other people's names?
Calling people racial names, for example, racist names,
sexist names.
Calling people nicknames by,
some deformity or fault or blemish
in their body or in their face or
their color or their background or their ethnicity,
even their religion.
You might be thinking even religion, even if
the religion is wrong, even if they worship
idols and so on? Yeah.
Yeah. It doesn't mean you agree
with their belief,
but Allah does tell us in the Quran
not to
talk down or,
talk in an offensive way or abusive way
or swear or insult other people's religion and
faith,
because then they'll also insult your faith. And
Islam didn't come to put other people's
beliefs
down with insults, but rather to clarify and
to guide and to present
with respect.
If that is the case with people who
are not even believers or non Muslim, then
what about people who share
your same belief, which Allah called you brothers
and sisters in faith,
and then we go around calling each other
nicknames.
Do you see how these verses in Surat
Al Hujarat are so particular?
I mean, when you say them in English,
they almost seem like
they're all the same thing, but they're not.
Because people may say, well,
I don't
backbite, I don't slander,
I don't,
taunt people, but they call each other nicknames.
Even in the name of laughter and joking,
some people make a living out of it
these days.
You might say, well, what if the person
doesn't mind being called that nickname?
Well, if they don't mind,
it's not really a sin,
but it's still
wrong. It's still wrong. You know, I know
some people, when they call each other nicknames,
even if the other person is okay with
it, the moment they're not friends anymore, then
and they call them that nickname, it doesn't
sound the same. They get very upset. They
get very hurt.
And in fact, they look back and think,
the shaitan says to them, you know, all
those years you were acting like my friend.
You called me that nickname just because I
allowed it. I thought that you were my
friend, but really you meant something by it,
didn't you? That's where the shaitan comes by.
So better to avoid derogative nicknames unless the
nickname is nice. In Islam, you can call
people nicknames by something that is nice, something
good. The prophet, peace be upon him, used
to do it.
For example, his wife, he used to say,
Yeah. Aisha Humira. Humira means one with the
red cheeks.
And sometimes he would call a a nickname
instead of A'ish A'ish, and it's beautiful between
husband and wife. If you like it between
each other, go ahead.
But the whole idea of a good nickname
is to the the outcome has to be
positive. It has to bring you closer to
each other. You know what I mean?
If you feel or you know or you're
unsure that a nickname
may not bring a good outcome, then don't
say it, even if you're unsure, especially
outright derogative names.
Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala tells us again, don't
make a name out of yourself by calling
other people a nickname. This is talking about
arrogance,
a person filled with negative pride,
and feeling that you are superior to others.
One man at the time of the prophet
Muhammad, peace be upon him, he was a
companion, but he still made a mistake. You
know that when people followed the prophet Muhammad,
peace be upon him, when he came out
to them,
they still had a little bit of,
tribalism in them, a little bit of racism
in them, and they were learning along the
way. So one day, the companion Bilal
he came in, And we all know, you
know, Bilal radiAllahu anhu is an Ethiopian.
And,
he was,
formally before Islam a slave.
He has a big life story. And the
Adhan
today is called after him. He's the name
that we know when we say the called
to prayer, Bilal
My name is Bilal, by the way, and
we take pride in that name, don't we?
Because Islam doesn't differentiate between color, race, gender,
or anything like that.
So Bilal
enters, and one of the companions of the
prophet, peace be upon him, who is from
the Ansar, so another tribe,
He got upset with him about something, which
was really nothing, and he called him a
derogative name about
his
lineage.
The Bilal did get upset and the prophet,
peace be upon him, got upset on behalf
of Bilal big time. And he said to
him,
to the other man who used that derogative
name,
prophet
said it in a way that the man
wished that he could have died right there
and then and never had said it. You
are a man, he said, who still has
the effects of the ignorant,
low uncivilized
ways.
For the prophet, peace be upon him, to
say that to his companion, the messenger of
God,
they'd rather be thrown in the fire than
and burned alive than for the prophet, peace
be upon him, to say that to them.
And he repented, of course, and fixed his
ways. But you can see that throughout Islam,
it focuses heavily on these things, as simple
as a nickname.
Sometimes parents do that to their children, and
then they wonder why their children grow up
to be
brats,
to be troublemakers.
I've seen it a lot.
If you call your child an animal
every time they do something wrong, guess what's
gonna happen?
They're gonna act like animals.
Call them a donkey. They're gonna grow up
and act like a donkey.
Sometimes we look at our little kids, and
we wanna laugh, just for a laugh. We
say to them, hey, go and do this
to your uncle. Go and call him this
name. Do that with your finger.
Say this to him or her, auntie.
And everybody laughs,
but as they get older,
doesn't really sound nice to anyone, and we
want to reprimand them. We want to punish
them for saying it. Why did you embarrass
me? It was our fault.
Of course, our children, as they grow older
and they reach puberty,
you know, they have to change their ways,
but we carry some of that sin. And
that is why Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala tells
us that our children are an Amanah, they
are a trust. It all starts there. If
you realize,
most of the things actually start in the
family
and then in the community, but before they
start in the family, they start with the
individual.
That child who I continue to call nicknames
or I may not even call my child
a nickname.
I may call someone else's child nicknames.
I may look at another person's child, and
if they're not dressed very well, or they're
a little bit dirty, I'll say, Look at
that dirty family. They must be really dirty.
Maybe that child just had a bad day.
Maybe the family is very, very clean. Even
if they are,
why say that?
Always remember our own faults before we call
other people names.
That child is watching you.
They're gonna grow up and probably even call
you names,
Then you wonder why.
Sometimes we may do it,
because we truly do feel superior to others.
You're ruining your family if you do that.
You see, all the advices that Allah subhanahu
wa ta'ala gives us is really about benefiting
ourselves.
Yes, he said, don't do that.
Be careful of that. There is a punishment
for that. But it's at the end of
the day, if you really analyze it, it's
really about benefiting ourselves to make us better
people, to make us really and truly,
people of high value and honor, not only
with people around us, but also among the
angels and with Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, and
that pays off not only in this world
but also in the hereafter.
Can you imagine that you've called someone a
nickname and always thought that you're fine with
that, and then on the day of judgment,
that person has it in for you, and
you never knew.
But perhaps they never
could be brave enough to say anything. You
know, some people are like that. They've got
a bit of low self esteem. They've probably
been called and bullied by nicknames all their
lives. And then we come along and do
it again, and then we we don't realize,
and they may not say anything.
You gotta make sure that you're not hurting
their feelings with these nicknames, brothers and sisters.
We've got to make sure that you're not
hurting their names their their feelings with those
names because they can come up on a
day of judgment
and bang, they say, my lord,
this person
used to call me this and that.
And Allah may forgive his rights,
but he doesn't forgive the rights of other
people that have been violated because Allah is
just,
and then we've got a problem with that
person.
Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala then tells us,
woman lam yatubfa'ulaikahumu
vwalimun. Whoever does not repent,
then they are the wrongdoers.
How do you repent from calling people nicknames
and putting them down? Well, here is a
few ways.
You go up to that person, and you
apologize.
You really truly apologize,
and you say, you know what? I've been
calling you this nickname all my life, and
I've never really asked you if you're okay
with it. Or I'm calling you these nicknames,
and it's time for me to really apologize
to you.
You know, even more, if you're brave enough
and you've called someone a bad nickname in
front of people and you want a lost
mother to be extra pleased with you,
then apologize in front of the people.
Your value will be so high after that,
and people around you will honor you. Even
if your friends tease you and say, oh,
what are you doing? You're putting yourself down,
because people do bully like that. Know that
they've got low self esteem as well. Turn
around and say, no, I am in the
wrong.
I respect and honor
a father or a mother, a teacher,
an imam,
anyone in position, authority, power, leadership,
who humble themselves even with a child to
say, forgive me, son. Forgive me, daughter. Forgive
me, my nephew. Forgive me, student so and
so. You know, I wronged you.
You know, in school, for example,
teachers who are truly respected and they are
remembered forever by their students until their death
are the ones who were humble and fair.
A student loves a fair teacher.
And when they see a teacher who says
sorry to their student for something they embarrassed
them in front of their friends, that student
truly
I find the young people very forgiving, but
they honor and respect that teacher forever.
And that's how the Prophet Muhammad was.
I'll give you a little example.
Before the Prophet, peace be upon him, his
death,
he stood up in the mosque and he
gathered his companions and said to them, if
I've hurt anybody with any word or anything,
please take your revenge.
And then one man said, you Rasoolallah, he
had remembered that one time he was standing
in prayer and the prophet tapped him a
little bit on his stomach to move him
back. He was joking with him. Said, You
Rasoolallah, you hurt me. You tapped my stomach
once. So the Prophet
lifted his shirt and said, Take your revenge.
The man kissed his belly instead
because he said, I wanted to be,
the last person here, Rasool Allah, to just
feel, you know,
have this,
respect for you and this love for you.
So my brothers and sisters, we are not
better than the prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam,
and he he is giving us the best
of raw material. And here's a here are
the verses. May Allah
protect us all and guide us.