Ali Hammuda – Our Ways in Raising Children – Part 1 – #07 Our Ways
AI: Summary ©
The speakers discuss the importance of the hasn't be afra usual" movement in bringing people to a point of transformation, the lack of trust and respect for women and children, and the need for strong and independent children to support parents' education and growth. They also discuss the sharia's approach to children, including the importance of protecting and protecting children from fitna and sharia and providing guidance and guidance to children. The importance of choosing the right spouse, being a r son, and being a r son to protect and protect children is emphasized.
AI: Summary ©
As-salamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh, alhamdulillahi
wahdahu wa salatu was salamu ala man la
nabiyya ba'dahu wa ala alihi wa sahbihi ajma
'in.
Welcome brothers and sisters to another one of
our evenings as we discuss and go through
our series that we've titled Our Ways.
And after speaking about our ways towards Allah
subhanahu wa ta'ala and our ways towards
the Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, our
ways towards our mothers and fathers.
We speak about what comes logically after the
discussion of our ways towards parents and that
is the produce of having a parental relationship,
a husband and wife relationship which produces children,
our ways towards the nurturing of practicing and
effective Muslims.
The nurturing of practicing Muslims is everyone's goal
but for the visionary, a couple who see
beyond the life of this world and aspire
for the highest places in Jannah for their
children, their aspirations is not just to bring
about righteous children but also to bring about
Muslims who will change the course of history,
who will be movers and shakers in their
respective departments, who will be game changers in
the life of this world.
And where we are now with the development
and the maturation and the ascendancy of our
Muslim Ummah, no doubt the priority must be
the production of the next generation who are
able to carry this responsibility of resurging Islam
globally with the exception perhaps to a minority
of people on the Day of Judgment we
ask Allah Almighty to make us from this
minority.
Most of humanity outside of this minority will
only enter Paradise or * after they have
stood before Allah Almighty to be questioned about
the small and the large, the major and
the minor, about what was done in the
public and the private.
يَوْمَ إِذِن تُعَرَضُونَ Allah says on that day
you shall be exhibited لَا تَخْفَى مِنْكُمْ خَافِيَةً
Not a secret of yours will remain hidden.
And from the Rahmah of Allah Almighty upon
us is that nobody can claim to be
caught off guard on the Day of Judgment
because it is essentially an open book exam.
We've been told that there is going to
be a reckoning, this is how it's going
to be, this is who will be present,
this is how long it's going to be
and here are the questions that you are
individually to expect to be asked before Allah
Almighty.
Open book exam so no one can claim
to have been caught off guard.
For example, some of the questions that you
shall find on this examination sheet on the
Day of Judgment.
One question that shall ask you and I
about النعيم, the delights that we are enjoying
today, the everyday comforts of life.
ثُمَّ لَتُسْأَلُنَّ يَوْمَ إِذِن عَلِ النَّعِيمِ Allah said
then you shall be asked about the delights,
the water that we are drinking, the soft
carpet that we are sat on, the cool
environment that we live in, the free access
to knowledge, and the list is endless.
That is a question that we will have
to be asked about on the Day of
Judgment.
We've been told time to make preparation and
we have a lifetime's worth of time to
make that preparation.
Another one of the questions was highlighted in
the hadith which al-Tirmidhi narrates that the
Prophet ﷺ said لا تزول قدم عبد يوم
القيامة من عند ربه حتى يُسأل عن أربع.
Your feet shall not move when you are
standing before your Lord until you answer four
questions.
Meaning you can't go anywhere until you must
answer to four questions.
It's not a surprise.
Here are the questions that we are going
to be asked, we are being told well
in advance.
حتى يُسأل عن حياته فيما أفنع.
Your life and what you did with it.
عن شبابه فيما أبلعه.
And your youth, specifically from your life, how
did you exhaust it.
وعن ماله من أين أكتسبه وفيما أنفقه.
And your money, how you earned it, how
you spent it.
وماذا عمل فيما علم.
And what you did with the knowledge that
you acquired.
That's another example of four questions that you
are to expect on the Day of Judgment.
We have been forewarned.
And there is another question and all of
us was just a build up to bring
you to this point.
There is another question that you and I
have been told we are to expect before
Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala and that is
with respect to how we behave with our
households, our husbands and wives, our children.
That's a question that we need to start
preparing for now.
And that is why Ibn Hibban narrates in
his Sahih on the authority of Anas.
That the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said,
إِنَّ اللَّهَ سَائِلٌ كُلَّ رَاعٍ عَنْ مَا اسْتَرَعَهُ
أَحَفِظَ أَمْ ضَيْعَ حَتَّى يُسْأَلَ الرَّجُلُ عَنْ أَهْلِ
بَيْتِهِ He said Allah Almighty is going to
ask every shepherd about his flock.
Meaning every person who had any type of
responsibility in the life of this world over
anyone or anything, you are going to be
asked about how you behaved.
He said every shepherd is going to be
asked by Allah Almighty about his or her
flock.
حَفِظَ أَمْ ضَيْعَ Whether you upheld that trust
or whether you abandoned it.
Till a person he said will be asked
about his very household.
So we have been warned that there will
be a question about our families, there is
going to be a question about our children.
Are we prepared to ask Allah to answer
Allah Almighty when this question comes our way?
It is probably a true statement to mention
that most people in the human experience will
at some point or another marry and have
children.
Or most of humanity will have children with
or without marriage.
This is quite a true statement.
It is also perhaps just as true to
say that most of those who walk into
the world of parenthood are quite unfit to
be parents or at least they were on
the day they became parents.
So many things no doubt have been taken
away from us as Muslims.
If you look left and right, east and
west, you see a lot of bloodshed, a
lot of misery, a lot of theft, a
lot of injustice.
It doesn't take you long through any YouTube
video that you are watching before you are
interrupted by some sort of appeal or a
picture of a weeping child or a begging
adult, some miserable situation that we as an
Ummah are experiencing in some place in the
world, a charity collection for this plight or
that.
So much has been taken away from us
no doubt, though it is not purely an
era of misery, it is an era of
ascendancy inshaAllah and leadership but this is part
of the process.
But land has been confiscated, resources have been
stolen, lives have been lost, sanctified places of
worship for us like Al-Masjid Al-Aqsa
we have been deprived of and the list
is endless.
But from the few things that Alhamdulillah we
still have the joy of having in our
possession or under our responsibility are our children,
that we still have.
And bearing in mind that no nation can
ascend and take the reins of leadership without
strong and independent and value driven children and
people, when we speak about our ways of
raising Muslim children, therefore we are not talking
about something extra, a bolt on topic, a
peripheral topic, something of an embellishment, we are
talking about something quite existential.
Children and the raising of righteous men and
women is an existential topic for us as
Muslims and more so for us here in
the West.
When you read a report as came a
few weeks ago that suggests that there have
been some 6,000 shipments and transfers of
weaponry and artillery between the United Kingdom and
the United States of America and the Israeli
entity, 6,000 shipments over the course of
just one year and there is only 365
days in the year, so do the maths.
So the whole world has come together to
exact what has been described as a plausible
genocide there in Gaza.
And despite the tons of bombs that have
been dropped upon that small strip of land,
somehow after a year they still exist.
Somehow after a year their heads are still
high and somehow after a year the average
Gazan citizen from men and women, young and
old, are pushing back still.
How is this possible?
Logically speaking, it's not weaponry, it's not huge
homes, it's not anti-nuclear bunkers, it has
to be one thing, it's the strength of
the human resource, it's the strength of the
tarbiyah, the strength of the mothers and fathers,
the strength of the nurturing, the willpower of
those young men and women in raising strong,
resilient, defiant, effective Muslims.
So you see therefore when we talk about
the raising of Muslim children, we are talking
about what many would describe as the ultimate
weapon, the ultimate resource, and that is the
raising of effective Muslims.
We live in a time, and I'm sure
you are aware and we don't really need
to go through this, there are so many
things out there that are really competing for
the attention of our children.
This is an area of concern for us,
sooner or later, whether you are young or
not so young, there will be a point
in your life when you start thinking about
the idea of the next in line, my
children, how am I going to raise them?
It's a concern that begins to mature in
you the more you mature as a person.
Some people begin to think about their children
even when they themselves are pretty much children,
mature, and then there are others who only
realize how far they have fallen behind when
their children begin to deviate in their late
teens, and then they begin to realize, oh
goodness me, I've made some bad decisions in
my life.
Sooner or later, however, there will be a
point in your life when you will start
thinking about the concern of your children, and
then you will begin to notice the many
things out there that are competing for the
attention of your children, whether it's the social
media, whether it is anime, whether it is
the music industry, whether it's governmental policy, whether
it is cultural change, so much is out
there that is competing for your attention, the
attention of your children, and the influence that
they want is not just on the spending
habits of your children or the eating habits
or recreational habits of your kids, it is
the rewriting of the very fitrah, the disposition
of the child that is in question.
However, there is another thing that is of
threat to the children that I haven't mentioned
in this list that I've shared with you,
and perhaps this is the greatest of all
influences on the upbringing of a child, which
if it is in place, nothing else can
really affect the child insha'Allah, and if
it is not in place, they are open
to any other type of disaster, and that
is the presence of responsible parents who know
how to raise righteous and effective Muslim children.
That is the ultimate thing that we need
to be speaking about.
Imam Ibn Qayyim, he said in his book,
Tuhfatul Mawdood, he said, وَأَكْثَرُ الْأَوْلَادِ إِنَّمَا جَاءَ
فَسَادُوهُمْ مِنْ قِبَلِ الْآبَاءِ وَتَرْكِي تَعْلِيمِهِمْ فَرَائِضَ الدِّينِ
وَسُنَنَهُ He said the majority of children who
end up going astray and becoming corrupt, go
down this path as a direct product of
bad parenting, and neglecting them and not teaching
them the duties and responsibilities in religion.
So according to Imam Ibn Qayyim, all of
those items that I have just shared with
you, that are competing for the attention of
children, all of these are largely non-issues.
He said the majority of children who end
up becoming corrupt or losing their ways, he
said stems directly from bad parenting.
And you will see parents at times trying
to absolve themselves from the responsibility and bringing
all sorts of justifications as per why their
children became wayward and deviant.
And he or she as a parent may
say, yakhi guidance is in the hands of
Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, it's not in
my hands.
I don't give hidayah, Allah gives hidayah.
And this person may even quote the Prophet
of Allah Nuh and say the Prophet of
Allah Nuh had a child who was a
kafir, a disbeliever in Allah Almighty.
So I'm not going to take too much
responsibility for my child who has gone down
this ugly path.
But hold on a minute, are you like
Prophet Nuh?
Maybe you are.
But Prophet Nuh made every effort with his
child to raise him upon Islam.
He did not fall short for a moment
until the very last moment when the oceans
were about to separate between father and son
and his son took a path with the
non-believers.
His father was still trying, he didn't give
up on him.
Are you therefore like Prophet Nuh?
Have you done all what you can as
a parent to rescue your child, to accompany
them, to ask them to honor you and
for you to honor them, to befriend them,
to educate them?
Did you do that?
If the answer is yes, I say to
you, you have every right to cite the
Prophet of Allah Nuh and to say guidance
is in the hands of Allah.
That's true.
But if you didn't do these things, you
are not in a position to use the
Prophet of Allah Nuh as an exception or
as a justification.
And you cannot say that guidance is in
the hands of Allah because Allah has given
you agency as well.
So if you and I, brothers and sisters,
just before we get into the six points
I would like to share with you this
evening, if you and I are true believers
in the Akhirah and the Hereafter, and if
we truly believe that death is real, then
you will automatically believe that the raising of
righteous Muslim children is the greatest of all
work that you can be engaged in and
the most effective use of your time.
Because you know that there will come a
time when you will be made redundant, i
.e. you will pass away and you will
not have the ability to accumulate any more
hasanat.
So your life will come to a cessation.
Your ability to add more deeds will come
to an end after 60, 70 or 80
years of your life.
And therefore your child becomes an extension to
your short life.
And your child becomes the continuation of those
Islamic projects and dreams and ambitions and righteous
deeds that you were unable to fulfill during
your life because you were interrupted by death.
And therefore instead of living 60 or 70
years, you can live 120, 130, 140 years.
And more depending on the children you have
and the children that they have and the
tarbiyah, the nurturing that you gave them.
So if you believe that death is real,
and you believe that life begins with the
Hereafter, then as a reflex, as a by
-product, you will automatically believe that the raising
of effective children is in fact one of
the most effective and best use of your
time as a father and mother.
That is far more important and above some
of our extracurricular activities as men, and far
more superior and is above our career as
women as well.
So let us now ask the question with
a short introduction, and this whole evening insha
'Allah will be essentially an introduction to the
topic of our ways in raising righteous and
effective Muslim children.
And there will be three parts, you'll have
to pardon me.
Today, next week, and the week after insha
'Allah.
What are our ways in the raising of
righteous and strong-minded and effective young Muslim
men and women in this difficult environment that
we are all struggling to navigate at times?
I'm going to suggest six points just as
an example to show you the ring-fencing
of the sharia around our children and how
it looks to protect them, and for you
to compare yourself against these six points and
to make the necessary changes, if you still
can that is.
The first of these milestones, the first of
these steps or stations towards our ambition to
raise righteous and effective children is the choosing
of the correct Muslim spouse.
So it doesn't begin when the child hits
puberty, it doesn't begin following the first awkward
conversation that you have with them, it doesn't
begin on the first night that they come
back a little bit later than you expected,
it doesn't begin on the day that you
discover that your son is going through inappropriate
content on his phone or laptop, it doesn't
start when your child starts walking, it starts
before pregnancy, it starts before you are even
married, the raising of children starts when you
are considering marriage and deciding on what basis
you are going to choose this Muslim man
or this Muslim woman.
But selfish spouse choosing we have to admit
exists, where we make a quick fix decision
in order to repair bad decisions that we
have made in the past, so we try
to fix it with marriage and although Alhamdulillah
you are to be praised, we are to
be praised for fixing our sinful relationship through
marriage and repentance, but the casualty, the victim
of this type of behavior is always who?
Children, who are not considered in any of
this equation, we are just sometimes tumbling through
life and seeing what life throws at us
and we just hope for the best, that
somehow our children will be righteous.
No, it begins when choosing your spouse, does
your wife or husband share the same vision
that you do for a Muslim family and
I can't explain to you my brother and
my sister and I am representing the Islamic
Council of Europe in this segment of the
talk and I say to you we have
found as a collective in the panel, a
marked increase in the number of divorces between
20 year plus marriages.
It is a shocking phenomenon and we are
trying to understand what has all of a
sudden happened, people who have been married for
20 years plus and they have got maybe
4 or 5 kids to their name, some
of them in their teens and they have
decided to end their marriage, this has become
so rampant, people applying for marriages after two
decades worth of marriage and we ask what
is going on, what happened and they say
nothing really, we are just growing apart, we
are a little bit incompatible and I am
there pulling my hair out, what is left
of my hair, maybe pulling my beard out
and I am thinking you just discovered now
after 20 years that you are incompatible and
a lot of the times, not all, a
lot of the times this is because a
decision, the basis, the reason why marriage happened
with that person to begin with wasn't a
righteous reason, it was a quick fix because
of a long term relationship of texting and
dating and meeting and other terms that are
not suitable for the house of Allah subhanahu
wa ta'ala and then some sort of
contact happened and now you realize my God
we are going to be so embarrassed in
the community, what is everyone going to say
and where did this child come from, so
quick quick Sheikh get us married, married please
and they marry, they repent and Alhamdulillah this
is great that you have managed to stop
the hemorrhage in your religion, brilliant.
It is great that you repented and you
cried and you apologized to Allah, that is
brilliant you got to be praised for that
but the kids, they weren't thought about in
this entire messy process and that explains in
part why a lot of these relationships end
up failing either between husband and wife or
parents and children because there is no alignment
in that relationship, there was no shared vision,
there was no depth in the decisions that
were made in the outset and that is
why the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam he said
about men and women beginning with the men
he said if a man approaches you seeking
the hand of your daughter in marriage and
you are satisfied with his religion and his
character then marry him to her and with
respect to women he said in the famous
hadith of Muslim women are usually chosen for
marriage because of one of four qualities either
for her money or either for her lineage
or either for her beauty or either for
her religion so you choose the woman of
religion so both men and women when the
Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam spoke about them he
is exhorting us advising us to choose the
person of religion so when does it begin
i.e. the raising of righteous Muslim children
it begins from as early as when you
are choosing a wife or a husband by
the way it doesn't mean that just because
you are choosing a righteous husband or wife
and you are making that the ultimate filter
it doesn't mean that you don't have to
be attracted to this person and just make
it about religion you can still be attracted
to this person you must be attracted to
this person but don't allow the idea here
don't allow the idea of attraction to dazzle
you to a level where you no longer
see the bigger picture and that is the
family that you are going to create and
Muslim children who will be strong in their
religion and effective for their community as well
what is beautiful brothers and sisters is that
if you are able to restrain yourself and
to see the bigger picture despite your desires
are all over the place and to think
family in mind ummah in mind children in
mind when choosing a spouse the beauty of
this is that it pays off if one
or the other parent goes missing for one
reason or another either through death or an
accident or travel or whatever it may be
and it's only husband it's only father or
mother to raise the children it can still
be a positive outcome because you both share
the same values and I give you examples
of righteous people in our past who despite
the death of one or the other the
children still turned out to be reformers why?
because the parents when they came together they
came for the right reasons and with the
same values and vision in mind I give
you examples of women who raised righteous children
because the husbands were absent either in jihad
or either they were martyred or either they
died early and we speak about women because
nobody from Allah Almighty's creation understands and masters
the art of raising children more than mothers
they are the most knowledgeable of all of
Allah's creation in knowing the art of raising
righteous and effective Muslims yurhamukumullah so I give
you some examples Zubair ibn al Awwam radhiyaAllahu
ta'ala anhu one of the first to
embrace Islam as a young man who was
tortured in Mecca in the path of Allah
was abused by his own family his direct
family as well for this choice that he
made and was the first to draw a
sword in the path of Allah Almighty that
is Zubair it wasn't his father it was
his mother Safiyyah bint Abdul Muttalib who had
the ultimate impression on Zubair and he was
described as being almost a portrait of his
mother all of the effects and the fingerprints
and the DNA and the signs of Safiyyah
bint Abdul Muttalib and her strength and her
resolve were found in Zubair ibn al Awwam
he was a reflection of her and you
have Abdullah ibn Ja'far ibn Abdul Muttalib
so he is the nephew of Ali ibn
Abi Talib who was described as the most
generous man of the Arabs the finest of
the young men of the Arabs the last
of the people of Quraysh to see the
Prophet a man of Ibadah a man of
worship a man of knowledge a man of
Zuhd it was the effects of his mother
because his father was slain he was martyred
in the battle of Mu'tah so it was
his mother Asma bint Umais Umais who produced
this mountain called Abdullah son of Ja'far
and you have Muawiyah ibn Abi Sufyan one
of the most intelligent of the Arabs to
walk the face of the earth and one
of the leaders of our Muslim Ummah and
one of the scribes of the Prophet Muhammad
that is Muawiyah ibn Abi Sufyan and he
was a man who was an accurate reflection
of his mother Hind bint Utbah and one
day when she was holding him as a
child and one lady said to her if
this young boy of yours grows and becomes
a full man I think he will be
the leader of his community his mother didn't
see that as a statement of praise and
she said may he die may I lose
him if he only leads his community no
I want him to lead the Ummah not
just his community may he die if he
is only leading his community that was Hind
and her Tarbiyah and that is Muawiyah who
became the Khalifa of the Muslim Ummah and
when he would take pride and he wanted
to tell people who he was he would
say that I am the son of Hind
I am the son of Hind bint Utbah
this is the byproduct when a parent is
chosen upon the correct vision if one or
the other goes missing the bandwagon of good
Tarbiyah nurturing can continue and Sufyan al Thawri
Rahimahullah described as Ameer al Mumineen the leader
of the believers in the field of Hadith
it was his mother who produced him because
the father wasn't around and she would say
to her son son go and study Hadith
and I will spend upon you I will
finance you through my weaving go study I
will finance you through my weaving it's a
similar story with Imam Malik similar story with
Imam Ahmad and similar story with Imam Mushafi
'i it's the same story and then you
have Abdul Rahman al Nasir who entered Al
-Andalus Andalusia at a time of huge political
turmoil and he restored peace and order and
he made Andalusia a civilization a place of
enlightenment a place of knowledge the capital of
progression thought people would flock towards it from
all over the world to learn and Islam
grew from the base of Al-Andalus Al
-Andalus during his time and it reached Switzerland
it reached parts of Italy it reached the
heart of France during the time of Abdul
Rahman al Nasir was it his father?
well his father wasn't around his father died
when he was still young and so was
his uncle his father was also slain it
was his mother who was responsible for this
giant that was created so brothers sisters begin
with the end in mind when choosing a
spouse where does it begin when raising righteous
children for some of us it's too late
unfortunately it begins when you are choosing who
is going to be your life partner what
is my vision when choosing a wife and
a husband be mature and try to look
past the veneer because this is a conversation
that will catch up with you though you
may not see it now when your hormones
are rocketing what is your vision and brothers
will ask what should I ask this lady
that I am about to have a marriage
meeting with what questions should I ask have
you heard this question before what questions should
I ask I have got a marriage meeting
next week what questions should I ask that
baffles me you are asking me what questions
you should ask her and what questions you
should ask him you don't know it means
you are coming into this marriage not knowing
what you want from it not knowing what
you want from it if you know what
you want from this marriage, you won't ask
me what questions you should ask because you
would know.
I'll give you an example.
Somebody who says, my vision in life is
to see the United Kingdom on skateboards.
I want everybody in the UK to be
skateboarding by 2040.
Because he knows what the end looks like,
he knows what he needs to study at
university, doesn't need to consult anybody about that.
He knows what books he needs to read,
what blogs he needs to sign up to,
what podcasts he needs to be listening to,
what diet he needs to follow, what food
he should avoid, what country he should live
in, what university he should go to.
Doesn't need to ask anybody what questions I
should ask because you know what you want
to achieve in the end.
So similarly, if you know what you want
from a wife or a husband, you won't
come to the Sheikh and say, what questions
should I ask?
I mean, there is an example that comes
to mind.
Have you heard of Lavar Ball?
Who is he?
He's a basketballer.
Surname gives it away slightly.
But I guess it's a ball, it could
be anything else.
Lavar Ball is a professional basketball player.
He didn't have a very decorated or distinguished
career.
But he was tall, 6 foot 6, a
real giant specimen.
He had this vision that he wanted to
produce children who would not participate in the
game.
He wanted children who would take over, who
would dominate the league, right?
That's what he wanted.
He wanted to produce three specimens like he
was, kids who would dominate the basketball scene.
And he says it, he admits it in
an interview and he said that I, when
I was in college, I courted my wife,
Tina, on the basis of, and I quote,
her height and her child breeding hips.
That's what he said.
And she was a tall lady.
She's 6 foot.
6 foot is quite a good height for
a man, let alone a woman.
That's a very tall woman at 6 foot.
And he said her hips and her height,
I knew that's what I needed for those
kids.
And subhanAllah, his vision came to fruition.
He has three kids.
You know their names?
That's Eliangelo Ball, Lamelo Ball and Lonzo Ball.
They're all 6 foot 5 minimum in their
height, right?
And they're all playing professional basketball.
And two of them are in the NBA
and they're dominating as well.
So that's kind of a worldly example of
somebody who didn't need to ask the Shaykh
or the mentor what questions I should ask
because he knows exactly what he wants.
As Kavi, he says, begin with the end
in mind.
So we go back to this point of
being intelligent.
If you are worried about the future of
your children, it begins with the spouse that
you choose as a mother or a father
for those children.
That's number one.
Number two, we will pick up the pace
now slightly inshaAllah.
Be a righteous person yourself in order to
ensure and guarantee by Allah's permission, the righteousness
of your children.
And don't be that person who says inshaAllah
they will not do the things that I
am doing.
No, they will do the exact same things
that you are doing.
Model the way.
And for those who want to take out
an insurance package, a halal, a perfectly halal
insurance package to protect the Islamic future of
your children, I say to you, that package
is right here.
Your righteousness, your taqwa, your repentance to Allah,
your fear of him in the private domain
and the public domain.
That will pass through down to your children.
And that is why the Prophet of Allah,
Musa alayhi salatu wasalam, when he saw his
friend, the companion, his teacher repairing a wall
that was bent for a community that was
very inhospitable to them and were stingy.
And Musa he inquired, why are you doing
them this favor, repairing their wall, when they
didn't even give us basic hospitality when we
passed through?
What did Al Khadr say, and this is
in the Qur'an, take note.
He said, As for the wall that I
fixed, it belonged to two orphans in the
city.
And beneath the wall was a treasure that
belonged to those two orphans.
And their father was a righteous man.
So Allah Almighty intended that they would reach
their full age of maturity and they would
extract the gold.
So Imam Ibn Kathir, he looked at this
ayah and he said, subhanAllah, look how this
is proof that through your righteousness as a
husband, or a father, or a mother, Allah
may protect your children and their assets as
well.
He said, and I quote, This is an
evidence that a righteous person will be protected
with respect to his children.
And the blessings of his worship will affect
his children as well.
So make that a intention when you are
fasting your Mondays and Thursdays, and when you
are praying at night, and when you are
putting on your pristine hijab, my sister, that
doesn't omit anything that needs to be covered.
And when you lower your gaze and you
avoid what is impermissible, and you suppress those
desires that are haram, and you channel it
in the halal, you reject a business deal
that is shady.
When you do these things, make part of
the niyyah, protect my children through these decisions
that I'm making, because it will come into
fruition.
You will see it through them.
And the opposite is true.
And that is why Sa'id Ibn al
-Musayyib, one of the students of Amir al
-Mu'minin Umar, he said to his son, ya
bunay, inni atathakkaruka fee salati fa azeedu feeha
min ajli salahik.
Oh my son, I sometimes remember you when
I am praying.
And so I elongate my prayer.
I extend my salah in the hope that
Allah will make you righteous.
In the hope that Allah will make you
righteous.
So you be that righteous person yourself.
Be the embodiment of what you want your
child to become.
And this is the greatest insurance package that
you can take out to protect and preserve
your children.
Be a righteous person.
By the way, a quick footnote here.
When we talk about righteousness, that also involves
being observant of the money that you are
bringing home.
Haram money that is brought into the household
disturbs your ability to raise righteous Muslim children.
And that link may not be so obvious
when you think about it.
Why does haram money affect the raising of
my children?
It does.
If this is money that you are bringing
in through tobacco, through your shisha lounge, through
illicit content that you are somehow profiting from,
a usurious transaction, interest based businesses, mortgages that
are haram and their likes, you are disturbing
the environment and your ability to raise righteous
and effective Muslims.
And that is why I remember the story
of Imam al-Haramayn al-Juwayni.
He was nicknamed the Imam of the two
harams because he led in Mecca and he
led in Medina.
A great scholar of his time, he specialized
in Usul al-Fiqh Islamic legal theory.
And he was a master debater.
But every now and then in his debates,
he would be interrupted, he would stutter, he
would hesitate, he would fall into a bit
of a silence and then he would be
able to continue.
And when that tremor happens, he would say,
it is the effects of that evil feed.
So one day they said to him, what
do you mean by this is the effects
of the evil feed?
What evil feed are you talking about?
He said, you see when I was still
a baby, breastfeeding, a lady, she took me
from the arms of my mother and she
breastfed me.
And they did that at the time, different
women would breastfeed different children as a form
of solidarity and help in the community.
So this lady, she took me and she
breastfed me.
Yet this lady, unfortunately, she was known to
be a woman who consumes an income from
an impermissible avenue.
So my father, he saw this and he
knows this lady, so he took me away
from the arms of this lady and he
placed his index finger in my throat and
he made me vomit and all of the
milk came out.
So he says every time I stutter or
I tremble in my speech, I know it
is because of that evil feed.
So what do you think of a person
who has filled his belly with haram and
filled the bellies of his children with haram?
What future awaits such a person?
But not all is lost, this can be
changed through the correct decisions and tawbah, to
clear up your house and to remove the
haram and to repent to Allah Almighty.
It doesn't have to be this type of
outcome.
So that's number two.
What was number one?
Choosing the right spouse.
Number two?
Be a righteous person.
Number three?
A certain dua that is required as advised
by the sharia just before matrimonial relations happen.
The religion has something to say about what
you should say even in those intimate moments
between yourself and your spouse.
Why?
For your children.
And that is why Bukhari and Muslim narrate
on the authority of Ibn Abbas that a
messenger ﷺ said, لَوْ أَنَّ أَحَدَكُمْ إِذَا أَرَادَ
أَن يَأْتِي أَهْلَهُ فَقَالَ بِسْمِ اللَّهِ أَللَّهُمَّ جَنِّبْنَا
الشَّيْطَانِ وَجَنِّبِ الشَّيْطَانَ مَا رَزَقْتَنَا فَقُضُيَ بَيْنَهُمَا
بِوَلَدٍ لَمْ يَضُرَّهُ He said if a person
is going to approach his spouse for matrimonial
relations and then they were to say the
following words, بِسْمِ اللَّهِ in the name of
Allah, O Allah move shaytan away from us
and move shaytan away from anything that you
will bestow us with, meaning a child.
He said if Allah Almighty gives them a
child through that interaction, shaytan can never harm
him.
So how much of a disservice have we
done to our children?
And some may have 3 or 4 or
5 or more mashallah and not once was
this dua mentioned prior to their arrival in
this world.
Look at how the religion wants a red
carpet of deen and taqwa so that your
children come into a world protected from shaytan
even during those moments.
And one brother he said ya shaykh I
struggle with this dua.
He said what do you mean?
It's short.
He said I know but the time is
very awkward.
I don't understand.
He said it just kind of spoils the
mood.
Oh it spoils the mood.
Right okay.
So tell me about your mood.
If you don't say this dua then your
child comes to you when he's 14 and
he says baba how many genders are out
there?
Right.
Then you will remember the mood.
So this is a dua that is required.
Why the children?
The sharia is phenomenal.
See it's not the reactionary approach of a
lot of us as parents.
Shaykh my daughter is not willing to wear
the hijab.
She's 18.
I don't know what to do.
What have you done for her to date?
Islamically speaking show me your track record.
There's nothing there.
It's not the sharia's approach.
From that early it's paving the way to
make it a seamless process when they become
adults.
That's number what?
3.
Number 4.
Now that conception has happened and perhaps now
inshallah the wife may Allah protect and preserve
her.
She is now pregnant.
Point number 4 says dua.
I haven't done research on this but it
seems to be the case that the most
dua that appears in the Quran is pertaining
to children and their righteousness.
The dua of Maryam alayhi salam.
Allah tells us in chapter 19 that when
she conceived her dua was what?
رَبِّي إِنِّي نَذَرْتُ لَكَ مَا فِي بَطْنِي مُحَرَّرًا
فَتَقَبَّلْ مِنِّي إِنَّكَ أَنتَ السَّمِيعُ الْعَلِيمُ My Lord
I pledge to you that which is in
my womb.
Look at this kalam.
What is in my womb this child?
I pledge it for your service.
Purely.
So accept it from me.
You are the hearing and knowing.
Allah Akbar.
Dua for your child.
In your prostration, when you're drinking zamzam, during
your tawaf, when you're breaking your fast, when
you're walking to the masjid.
Dua for your children that you have and
the children that you may have one day
inshaAllah.
Zakariya alayhi salam.
Every time Zakariya is mentioned in the Quran,
it is in the context of dua.
And one of them is one dua he
said, رَبِّي هَبْلِي مِنْ لَدُنْكَ ذُرِّيَّةً طَيِّبًا O
Allah give me please a good offspring.
إِنَّكَ السَّمِيعُ الدُّعَاءِ You are the hero of
dua.
Ibrahim alayhi salatu wasalam.
رَبِّي جَعَلْنِي مَقِيمَ الصَّنَاةِ وَمِنْ ذُرِّيَّةِ O Allah
make me of those who establish the prayer.
And of my offspring.
رَبَّنَا وَتَقَبَّلْ دُعَاءً O my lord accept my
dua.
And when Allah almighty told Ibrahim alayhi salam
that he's going to be an imam, a
leader, an example for all of humanity.
What was his first thing?
His first request?
What was his knee jerk reaction?
أَبُو أَمَر وَمِنْ ذُرِّيَّةِ And my lord from
my offspring as well.
You're going to make me an imam, a
leader for humanity and for my offspring as
well.
Dua, dua, dua.
I remember one of our contemporaries, he mentions
a beautiful story.
He said, I knew two young men, university
students, who were the finest in terms of
religion and character.
I've never seen anything like it.
And I was so eager to meet their
father to understand the secret.
And on one parent's evening, I made a
point to go in the hope of meeting
the father.
And I met him.
And I was expecting to see somebody highly
intelligent, highly educated, very sophisticated.
And lo and behold, he was a man
who was very simple, very modest, and barely
educated.
I said to him, uncle, your children are
this and your children are that.
Allahumma barik, mashallah.
What is the secret?
How did you do it?
He said, ya Ibni, my son, as you
see, I'm a very simple man.
And I don't do anything different to any
other parents, to be honest.
But there is one thing that I do
that I think is missed from most parents.
And that is, every time I make dua
for my kids, I always make sure that
I make dua for the kids of the
other Muslims as well.
So he says, ya Rabbi, make my children
righteous.
Ya Rabbi, protect them from fitna and haram.
Ya Rabbi, make them mamoovahs and shaykhs in
this ummah.
Ya Rabbi, make them imams in piety.
And also my brother's kids.
And also the same for my sister's kids.
And he will name them.
And also for my cousin's kids.
And also the neighbor's kids.
And also the friends of my kids.
Ya Rabb.
And he knows that Allah Almighty will send
an angel next to him.
Every time he makes a dua for his
brother in his absence, Allah sends the angel
to say, ameen, ya Rabb, and give him
the same.
Ameen, ya Rabb, give him the same.
So employ the angels to make dua for
your children by making dua for the children
of others.
That's number one, brothers.
Number four.
Number five before we conclude with the sixth.
Conception has happened.
Nine months have elapsed.
Your spouse has delivered.
And there is an instruction here as well.
You're meeting your child for the first time.
The shariah has something to say as well.
Always involving itself to protect your child.
The instruction suggests that you are to do
adhan in the ear of the child.
The very first words that your child is
going to hear in the life of this
world is Allahu Akbar.
Allah is the greatest.
Allah is above all.
That's the first words.
I don't know if you've seen those self
-help videos that we are being told.
In the morning, you are to look in
the mirror and say, I am amazing, I
am amazing, I am amazing.
Three times.
You've heard this?
I am perfect, I am perfect, I am
incongruable, I am incongruable.
I can do anything.
I can do anything.
It's very kind of rocky Baabawa music in
the background.
It seems really convincing, right?
Narrated by Jahil ibn Jahil.
This is the morning and evening adhkar of
them.
Our one is no.
You come into the life of this world
and the first thing that is said to
you, because you don't even have the ability
to speak, that's how young you are, you
hear Allahu Akbar.
Allah is the greatest.
Allah is above all.
That is your compass.
Do you have ambitions in life?
Do you want to make money?
Do you want to get married?
Do you want to go to the gym?
Great.
Remember, Allah is always above all of your
ambitions and aspirations.
And you are for Him, and you are
by Him, and you are to Him.
Subhanahu wa ta'ala.
Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar.
Then you hear, ash-hadu an la ilaha
illa Allah.
Oh my son, this is called tawheed.
This is what you are defined by.
That's your blueprint in life.
And that's one thing you never compromise.
Tawheed, you are a monotheist.
You are a strict unitarian.
Ash-hadu an la ilaha illa Allah.
Ash-hadu an muhammadan rasool Allah.
You say, oh my son, that is your
guide.
The messenger of Allah, Muhammad, salallahu alayhi wa
sallam.
There will be people you will admire.
There will be people you will see in
your reels and your feeds.
Nobody is before the Prophet of Allah, salallahu
alayhi wa sallam.
He is your ultimate role model and guide.
You hear, hayya alas-salah, you say to
your son, who is still breastfeeding.
Come to the prayer.
That's success.
Your definition of success is not in becoming
a multimillionaire or a CEO.
Your success is being a worshipper of Allah
almighty.
Defined by Salah, defined by Siyam, and defined
by your servitude to Him.
That's your honor and dignity.
Hayya alas-salah, come to success, the child
hears.
Through my Salah, that is where my success
is found.
And you plan your day around your Salah.
The child is told that even with no
clothes on.
And his umbilical cord still connected to him.
Adhan in the ear of the child.
Because that is going to be his motto
in life.
And his constitution that he is going to
live by or she is going to live
by.
Number six, we'll conclude with this.
Now is the time to choose the name
for the child.
And the Sharia has something to say here
as well.
Some advice.
Because the name that you give your child
will most likely affect their personality.
And the religion wants your child to be
of high aspiration.
So give them a name of high aspirations.
Everybody is trying to give their child a
name.
A name that has never been given to
anybody in humanity.
I've called my child this, Ya Shaykh.
What does it mean?
Is that the right ordering of the question?
Should it not be, I'm thinking about this
name.
What does it mean?
No, I've already given them this name.
By the way, what does it mean?
So if you don't know what it means,
why did you?
Because it sounds good.
It sounds good.
It's not going to do much for your
child later on in life.
The Arabs, they have a proverb that says,
Everything will have a share of the name
given to it.
Everything has a share of the name that
is given to it.
So if you give your child a name
of nobility and virtue, the child will be
more encouraged to live by those traits.
And the opposite is just as true.
And that is why the Prophet ﷺ, he
said in a hadith, which Abu Dawood narrates
on the authority of Abu Wahhab al-Jushameen.
He said, Name your children after the names
of the Prophets.
Give them the names of the Prophets.
So those who ask, what should I name
my child?
Here is a parameter.
Here is a guide.
You can start with this.
He said, name your children after the Prophets.
You've got a lot to choose from.
He said, And the most beloved names to
Allah is Abdullah and Abdulrahman.
These are the dearest names to Allah Almighty.
Congratulations if you have one of those two
names.
He said, And the most truthful of all
names is Harith and Hammam.
Do we have a Harith here or a
Hammam?
We don't.
Harith and Hammam, he said, these are the
two most truthful of all names.
Why are they truthful?
Harith and Hammam, it's in reference to man's
continuous state of toiling, and working, and aspiring,
and yearning, and longing, and doing.
He's in a constant state of doing.
He said that is the most truthful of
all names.
Because no man truly settles, constantly yearning for
what is next.
He said, Concludingly, And the two most hated
names to Allah is Harb, war, and Murrah,
which means bitterness.
And he, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, forbade us
from certain names.
In a hadith which al-Tirmidhi narrates on
the authority of Samurah ibn Jundub, that the
Messenger, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, said, Which
means, don't name your boy Rabah, and Aflah,
and Yasar, and Najeeh.
And the translation of these four names is,
success, prosperity, wealth, accomplishment.
These seem to be good names.
What is wrong with success, and wealth, and
prosperity, accomplishment?
Listen to what the Prophet said, sallallahu alayhi
wa sallam.
He said, don't give them these names.
Why?
Because if somebody calls them, and they say,
Is he here?
Somebody may say, no.
Did you understand it?
Who said yes?
Ah, silence.
Explain it, I heard a humming here.
I said yes.
Yeah, explain, Sheikh.
If somebody says, is the wealth here?
I say, no, wealth is not here.
It is like a bad omen.
Yes.
Correct, very good.
So these words, as brother said, These are
good names.
These are good meanings.
But the problem is that if somebody calls
for that person, and they say, is so
-and-so here?
And you end up saying, no.
It's as if you are saying, wealth is
not here.
Success is not here.
Accomplishment is not here.
And that is not a good vibe for
a believer.
It's not a good omen.
If somebody calls their name beautiful, say, is
there any beautiful?
Lots of hands will come up.
Right, same idea.
Very good.
Well, on that name of beautiful, subhanAllah, the
Prophet ﷺ told us that names are virtuous.
Names are a love to Allah.
Names are hated by Allah.
He forbade us from certain names.
And he would even change certain names.
This is the positivity of the religion.
Why?
To protect the child and make sure that
nothing gets in their way of being practicing,
a Muslim of high aspirations, and a Mughva
and Shaykh are in their ummah.
Even if the name has to be changed.
So a Sahabi came to the Prophet ﷺ.
His name is what?
Ghawi.
Meaning the one who is astray.
Ghawi.
He said, Anta Rashid.
Your name is Rashid now.
The guided one.
And another man who was called Zalim.
The tyrant.
He said, you are now Muqsid.
You are the just one.
Ya Salam.
And a man who was called Asi.
Meaning the sinner.
He said, Anta Jameel.
You are?
Beautiful.
Beautiful one.
And a woman whose name was Barrah.
Barrah which means the righteous one.
And there is a sense of self-praise
here that is not suitable for the Muslim.
Barrah the righteous one.
So he said, Anti Zaynab.
You are Zaynab.
Which is a sweet scented flower.
Zaynab.
I mention to you these six points, my
brothers, my sisters, and I leave you with
this.
Just as a sample.
As an introduction.
To the importance that Sharia gives and the
ring fencing around your children to ensure that
they are protected.
Through the mothers and fathers that you choose
for them.
Through the righteousness of mom and dad.
Through Dua during those moments of intimacy.
And Dua during times of conception.
And the Adhan that you give them.
The names that you choose for them.
Amidst other precautions and advice that the religion
will give.
All with the righteousness of your child in
mind.
Now you superimpose this upon yourself.
Have you given your child this type of
attention?
This is a question for you to answer
for yourself.
And myself.
And to make the amendments where need be.