Channel: Ali Hammuda
Series: Ali Hammuda - Married Ever After
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Alhamdulillah wa salatu salam ala Milena via either who either early he was so happy here Jemaine
Welcome to your brothers and sisters to our third lecture from the series titled married ever after the weeks are flying by Subhan Allah Allah the man I don't know where time is going we ask Allah subhanaw taala to place Baraka in everything that
you are hearing and to give me a new the opportunity to act upon it and to become examples of marriages that are functional and are happy Oh my Daddy God Allah He bi Z's Allah Almighty is able to do that. Despite the darkness that is out there we hope that from this Masjid examples and templates of a good Islamic Healthy Marriage will match out of it with ninja who died.
Last week we covered
maybe two principles, I think it was or was it three, three principles, what was the last of the three?
What was ya the very knuckle. Now what that and what He Allah subhanaw taala placed between you ie husband and wife My word affection and Rama mercy.
And we elaborated upon this principle we gave the difference between the term nawada affection and hope love. And then we spoke briefly about why Allah spoke about affection and then mercy and why both of these qualities are unnecessary in a married relationship. And if one goes missing, then the relationship begins to suffer.
And then we started to give some examples of Maota affection and mercy in relationships of marriage of the past. And we spoke about the relationship of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam to our mother Hadid Geraldine Allah, why do you remember this?
On this note, dear brothers and sisters, I would like to continue a little bit more.
There were a few other examples I wanted to share with you.
Households that were fine examples as for how this term and these values of melodrama should be found between husband and wife. Really refreshing examples.
Let us go back 1400 years ago,
we have given an example of the messengers of Allah, Allah who has said that his household, but look over those households that were around him as well,
the ex wife of Abu Sena,
who was some of the very first to embrace the religion of Islam, and his household household was one of the very first households to emigrate for the path of, or for the sake of Allah subhanho wa taala.
And so when her husband was selama, passed away, and I know you know, the narration
she was in a very difficult state. And so the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said to her the famous advice, say, in Alinea, he were in AD Boggio, and we belong to Allah and to Him we shall return. And then he said to her, say this Doha, Allah Who majority famously but he was one of the higher and minha Oh Allah, reward me, compensate me for this calamity of mine, and replace me with something that is better. What did OMO selama say? This is the showerhead. This is the moral of the story. This is what I would like you to highlight from this narration.
He said to her say, Oh Allah give me that which is better. So almost 11 She said, Well, are you muslim, Ina? How you don't mean Aris Elena, who from the Muslims
could possibly be better than Abu selama.
This is the point I would like to draw your attention to the brothers and sisters is your wife, able to say the same words about you is your husband, your sister able to reciprocate these words to say who can possibly be a person better than my husband, my wife.
Just the other day there was a sister, a Moroccan sister. She said something so refreshing for a change. She said, I am the happiest wife on planet Earth. I believe that if any woman on earth knows of the husband that Allah has blessed me with she would be so envious of me and she said, I also believe insha Allah he will be one of the very first people to intergender
mashallah almost Salam, as she said, Who can possibly be better than Abu salah? The No wonder the affection, the Rama the mercy that was between them there Sakina Dear brothers and sisters, and you know how the narration continues? He said to her, say it so she said it.
And then she said Allah Almighty responded to my DUA and he did indeed give me somebody better than Abu selama. I married I married the Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu. The point is, is when she said who can be better than it was
another example I wanted to share with you is that of Omar Omar Hakim
Omar Hakim been to Al Hadith division.
She was the wife of a Karima. Right cremate the son of who?
Nkrumah the son of who?
Of of Abuja, Omar Hakim, she is the wife of Nkrumah the son of Abuja, Han. And there came a point in the life of very clean man where he hated the messengers of Allah, Allah who has sent him and their religion of Islam similar to the hatred which his father had, especially because you saw his father killed on the day of badger extreme as hatred was only further fueled.
So he was a young man who hated the religion, to the very depths of the core of him.
And ventually, the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam would conquer the city of Mecca.
And he would issue a pardon a national pardon, he would forgive all of the pagans who had waged war against him, with exception to a few.
There were a few criminals whom we can say what war criminals, their crimes constituted
as war crimes, and so the messenger SallAllahu sallam, de ma home, he declared that they are to be killed wherever they are to be found, and they were a few individual as for the masses, he pardoned, and one of those individuals was I crema, the son of Abuja hill because of the sheer harm that he had caused the Muslims and Islam all throughout his life.
And so when I heard that the prophets and I sent him had arrived into Mecca, not as a visitor anymore, but as a conqueror. He was so depressed, and he fled for his life. And he went southwards towards al hubba share Abyssinia, and he was on the verge of getting onto a boat, and making his way now to go and find a new life away from Islam and the Muslims. But his wife
had embraced Islam.
And so she went running to the Prophet Mohammed Salah Salem, and she begged him
to give her a man
an agreement of security for her husband, that he would not be killed if the prophets that I sent them, got his hands on him.
And he honored that request. And he gave her that security. And so she was so happy. She took the paper, and she ran all the way southwards of the Arabian Peninsula.
Till she got to the edge of the sea. And she chased down her husband, who was at the time making his way onto a boat about to start a brand new life away from everyone and everything, even his family. And she said,
Oh, and Karima Oh, ignore.
Because his father Bucha, he just called the hammer up. No, he said, Oh, son of a hammer. I have got a pack of agreement, a promise that you will be safe from nonprofits that I send them if you come back.
And if you do, and you choose to embrace Islam, I can be your wife again, and we can be together. He didn't even look back at her.
He got onto the boat. And he made his way.
And they're Subhanallah they had a very rocky type. They had a very difficult situation. And the boat was literally rocking, he was about to drown. There was a storm. And so he began to murmur, some shift key statements, statements of polytheism calling upon a lot and allows the and the idols of the Arabs. And so the captain of the boat, he said to him, Oculus be sincere, because nothing will save you today except sincerity, meaning call upon one God. And then I remember he said to himself, it seems that I am just running away from the truth.
So he made the U turn. And he went back to the coast. And he took the hand of his wife and she took him to the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam and he would embrace Islam and he would become the great companion of the Prophet. So I sent him a crema, the set of Abuja has Subhanallah and all of this was by virtue of who his wife who did not give up. Look here they are brothers and sisters and the type of mouth the affection and the Ratana she had for her husband. She did not give up. The story is long, by the way if I couldn't go into it and what happened on the way and she suffered trying to get to her husband, she had with her a Roman servant.
And he tried to seduce her along the way.
But she knew she wouldn't be able to fight him off. So kinda to my knee. She was giving him hopes that okay, we will but not yet wait, we will but wait until she got to her husband. When she got to her husband. She told him what this man had done. He went to him and he killed him.
She's struggled all because of what she wants to be with her husband Subhan Allah Hina
Melinda and Rhonda, this is a fine example.
Other examples the brothers and sisters moving down the chronological timeline.
In Marble Canyon, he mentioned
the story of a man who married a woman.
And on their wedding night, he looked into her face carefully, and he realized that she was a ex victim of a jewelry, smallpox and smallpox. You know what it does to a person's appearance, it can really affect them. In terms of the acne like spotting and the deformities that happens on the face. It seems that he didn't take a very good look, when he came to get married to her for whatever reason, he looked and she had a severe type of change in her face.
One evening, I said to her, I have pain in my eyes. And then he said to her, I think I've lost my sight. He lied to her, and he pretended to be blind.
And then 20 years later, she would pass away. And for those 20 years, she thought she thought that he was blind all along. When they were burying her, and they came home, they eventually said to him, why was it that you said to her that I am blind.
And he said, because I didn't want her to feel pain, by knowing that I could see her face and that she would be uncomfortable all of the time.
Allahu Akbar, what type of nawada affection and more so in this story, what type of Rama mercy I am not saying to you marry somebody who you dislike in terms of their appearance. And I'm not saying to you make up this type of lie. Although it could be argued that between the husband and wife this type of white line could be acceptable from an Islamic perspective. I'm not saying that you we have to do any of this. I am saying don't use your tongue and your verbal expressions to harm your spouse dear brother, dear sister. And remember them out there and Ramadan Allah gel Lagenaria, who has placed between you something you dislike, don't insult and don't mock and this could leave a
lifelong scar that you will struggle later on to an end.
Other examples of amazing affection and mercy that Allah Almighty placed between spouses, and these are now couplets of poetry I would like to share with you pertaining to different people who lost their wives or were separated from them either because of knowledge or either because of travel for money or either because of death,
heart melting words to show you that this value of nawada and mercy
is largely missing in a lot of our relationships.
Ignorance arrival Baghdadi who was one of the poets of the Ambassade theta alpha.
He has a long couplet of poetry read it, if you understand the Arabic language is called the LEA tema where he was bidding his wife farewell, because he needed to work.
So he says, speaking about the difficulty of moving away from home, he said, I still do Allah huffy, Buck, Daddy's Kamara, Bill querque. Minh fella kill as Rahmatullah who, what there are two who will be with de la who you were the only use of well hired you are Neela over there.
He says that I have bade farewell to a moon
that I have left behind in Baghdad in Iraq.
And he said it would have been easier for me to bid farewell to my life and to die. Then that evening when I had to bid her farewell Subhanallah
I think he explains the moment when he they had to separate and he said can can cut the shuffle hobby and now 30 Coholic not alrighty Hannula to Shafia, who came to Scheffer IV came to shove better be yolmer Raheel you to have what admiral who was that he led to add more animals to Hillel to add more. Women universally so can't be the crew who are in Euro Allah Appleby hickory, you'll notice who he says
how tightly did she hold on to my clothes that morning when I was about to leave?
begging me to stay. He said but a man like me, he cannot offer her intercession. I have a need to go and travel and provide. And he said how much did she plead with me to remain on the morning of my travel, whilst tears were flowing from her face and tears were flowing from mine. And he says that she is that woman whom when I remember my heart begins to ache and I am that man whom and she remembers her hearts begins to ache Allah.
And you have even 100 As Carla Annie, the great scholar of Hadith who made his wife farewell, but for the purpose of seeking knowledge
of accumulating the information of Hadith and he had a wife whom he loved enormously called Leila al hallelujah Laila from Halab
And so when he left he spoke couplets of poetry speaking about his pain singing Rohan to Walker lifted heavy baby daddy he believed me you all imagined it he may Allah.
OSHA as you don't have seen will have easy to handle in a hurry UEFI lately hey no Isla Leila. He said that I have left paid her farewell, leaving behind me Leila and this was by force. I did not choose to do this. He says by day i busy myself with the study of Hadith and by night i busy myself yearning and thinking about Nina.
Even the elderly who were separated from their wives because of death, look at some of their words. Yeah, here.
Al Hindi al Andalusi. And under Lucien poet of Islam, when his wife she passed away, he said heartbreaking words. And he now was passing away he was suffering the throes of death and some of his last words in his will.
Were in remembrance of his wife that she that had died before him. And he said to his children, either mid to finish either alkalinity you highly to a balmy feet, turabi a llama, what active Daria, he came from Russia who will help me Oh Hakuna and
he says when I come to pass away, bury me next to my companion, meaning his wife bury me next to her in the hope that Allah Almighty will cause my bones to mixed with the hormones.
And the ex imam of the exchange of Aza Sheikh Al Sheikh Muhammad Hussain.
When his wife passed away, he was around 79 years old and he was a great scholar May Allah subhanaw taala have mercy upon him mourtada Only a few honorable hadith of Sierra Nova he really was a Encyclopedia of information and a man whom we hope and expect and anticipate was close to Allah subhanaw taala.
He was 79 years old when he wrote these companies of poetry meaning his wife, she must have been what around the same age when she died.
But the love he had for her Subhanallah can be felt so clearly in the capillaries of poetry. He wrote that out to her when she when she died, he said
welcome to our husband Neff sermon coupled with a nanny or full to career on Macula tiny Bhima hierarchy
for how you had that and sirki marriage to your mood will be can't be measured fee the Crocky until that you had up Delia Aisha bandanas into photo Ebola Sheba album azalea keep waiting so many young shakeout and that have more argument shifting U haul who was Shaq, if
you translate these complex,
he says that
I used to give myself condolences, when you are alive,
what made my life easy was knowing that at the end of the evening, I was going to come home and see you.
And he said that you you are the one who made my life enjoyable after I had had enough of life. Because he says after all, a good life is one of your many characteristics that Allah has given you. And he said, Whenever I would fall ill you would cry and somebody outside looking at this would think that you are the one who was suffering, not me.
And he says how can I recover from this calamity when the waves of sorrow are engulfing my heart? And he speaks and he speaks? It's phenomenal brothers and sisters, where are we from these values? And where are we from these meanings Magi that
he has placed between you
affection and and mercy.
It's important to note brothers and sisters that not all homes are built upon love.
Contrary to what the film industry may wish to portray,
and therefore just because you feel that love has taken a hit in your relationship, it doesn't necessarily mean that this is a relationship that is redundant
and needs to be terminated
and that is my email with no cathedra he spoke about this in his tafsir he said for inner modular Yun SQL Murata in Lima Huberty healer or in Euro nothing Bihar, we are near Cornella. Herman who wanted out Hakuna Matata 11 In fact, I will old 40 by nahama was a Retallick. He says a man will hold on to his wife, as a spouse for several reasons. It could be because of love that He has for her, or it could be because of mercy that he feels towards her. He says maybe she needs him financially. Maybe they have children together. Maybe there is a certain closeness between them or other reasons.
And that is why I mean
It will mean on marble cooktop he would tell off a companion who wanted to divorce his wife. He said to him, why do you want a divorce? What's the reason? He said I don't love her anymore.
I don't love her anymore. So, Homer, he gave him an earful. Ameerul Momineen there'll be Allah Who and we said, Wait, what is wrong with you?
Lm tunel Bulu Illa Halal hope, are all houses just built upon love.
Are all homes founded purely upon love?
finery, Iowa in the mom, he said to him, Where is the concept of care?
And where is the concept of being shy of not being kind, a in a rehire to them of just love. And when a woman
once said to her husband, I hate you. The man he came to Omar complaining, he said, I asked my wife do you love me? She said to me, I hate you.
So Omar, he summoned her. He said to her, did you say to your husband that you hate him? She said, Look, Amirul mumineen he asked me by Allah's Name, and I had to give him the truth. And I didn't want to lie. I almost said to her Bella fell tacklin told him he said, No, you should have lied.
You should have lied and told him you love him.
Felicia kulula utiliza Kulu YouTube now Allah hope he said because not every home is built upon love. While our kin Wah shout out to the halal Islam, you will ask. He said sometimes you love a person because of Islam and because of lineage.
The point is brothers and sisters, the ideal situation is that the home is built upon my Wonder affection and Rama. This is what Allah Jalla Jalla, who has mentioned.
But in the odd case, when love takes a deep affection Takes a Dip, then the other one needs to pick things up.
And it's because of this imbalance that we hear about atrocities happening in the home. He no longer loves her. So he beats her up.
She comes back with a blocker. He says I hate her.
That means your relationship was only ever founded upon eviction.
And you are always deprived both of you from Rhonda from Mercy.
Or she may leave her husband and not attend to his needs, whether the physical ones, or the ones at home, not take care of herself or her appearance this she says I don't love him anymore. Like where is that.
And therefore if we were to metal saw last year.
And therefore if we were, if we were to change our relationships, and pull the curtain on marriage, every time love Takes a Dip, you and I will have to be changing our wives and our husbands as many times as we change our clothes.
Therefore, when love takes a hit remember the element of Rama Dear Brothers and Sisters in Islam.
I promised if you remember last week that we would not leave this particular chapter of the study what gyla You know, our data and what he has placed between you affection and mercy, without
or before mentioning practical guidance as per what a person could do to revive the element of mawatha Affection if it has taken a hit in the relationship. And Alhamdulillah it can be revived. But before I mentioned these suggestions, I mentioned this brothers and sisters, I think we are all aware that the world that we are living in and our society specifically, is highly antagonistic to the institution of marriage, as we have already established. And you will find far more avenues out there dismantling the importance of marriage in the hearts of people as opposed to those groups or those people or those teachers who are building the importance and the sanctity of marriage. You are
out voted, you are highly outnumbered. What does that mean? It means the world around you today your brother or sister
is competing for the attention of your spouse.
And if you are not careful, your access to your spouse's attention will be highly compromised and it is whether we like it or not.
Therefore, what I am trying to say is we have to play an extra hard roll to keep that flame of love alive because it's not going to happen by itself.
Today doing so is similar perhaps to a person who is carrying a light a candle trying to keep it alight amidst a tornado amidst a blizzard. Everything around you wants to pull out that light wants to put it out and there you are trying to keep it alive. In other words, if you and I brothers and sisters are on not
On top of the game, constantly course correcting the direction of our marriage and keeping it alive with special things here and there. It can, it can take an irreparable hit.
There has to be an active effort to keep it alive.
And there are a few things that a person can do.
And don't belittle this dear brothers and sisters why? Listen to this hadith and as you hear it, I want you to make a link between it and what you just heard. He said Allah hiney, who has sent him said
in an email Anna Laya hula Kofi Jovi, how do you come come?
First hola and you just did an email and
he said the Eman the faith that you have in your heart wears out.
It depletes the same way that the clothes that you wear wear out. So always ask Allah Almighty to restore and repair your Eman? What is the link?
Does anybody haven't answered the link between this hadith
and the importance of keeping the relationship or the flame of affection and love and attraction and interest alive? What is the relationship? Yes.
So how Allah did you hear that? Clearly, he said that if something as great as your relationship with Allah subhanaw taala which is the most important relationship in existence, can wear out, it can deplete. Well then about your relationship with your wife, or your husband.
He said, always ask Allah to renew your Eman because it is depleting. What then about any other relationship that is far more insignificant with your primary primary relationship with Allah subhanaw taala. Therefore pay attention to this. These are just suggestions from them any and I don't think you're going to hear anything that you don't know brothers and sisters. This course is not about seeing things that you don't know most of it is common sense. But the most important thing of this course is just to consider you and I to put this information we know into action.
One of those things that we can do now to repair more affection and Rama if perhaps it is missing in the family. Number one is the element of loving each other for the sake of Allah subhanho wa Taala
is not just because of a mutual physical interest, let alone a financial one or a family one or any other interest. Your main attraction to this person. What underpins everything is your love for her for him for the sake of Allah. What does it mean to love someone for the sake of Allah.
It means that the interest you have for them and the interest you want from them transcends dunya and you want them to be benefited in the hereafter as well. You want to see them successful in the court of Allah subhanaw taala you want to see them in the highest gardens of January. You want a spouse, husband or wife who ultimately reminds you of Allah subhanho wa Taala and helps you along this difficult journey called dunya.
This is number one, to ensure that there is this mount and mercy along the way. This will flush out by itself so many problems if this love is for the sake of Allah subhanho wa Taala
here a brother or a sister may say oh my goodness, this is my disappointment in life.
I mean, my wife doesn't remind me about Allah subhanho wa Taala I mean, she is not particularly interested in praying the extra Sunnah prayers, and she may say I don't see him fasting Mondays and Thursdays. And he may say I don't see her at all interested to pray at night. And she may say I don't see him interested in attending Islamic course like this, that person doesn't really remind me of Allah. Be careful brothers and sisters. And don't single out and isolate just the obvious ones. Your spouse is most likely reminding you of Allah and loving you for the sake of Allah Whilst many things that you are doing for each other is unnoticed but it is there like what
when she reminds you to pick up the phone call your mother and father because you haven't spoken to them in about a week she says she has loved you for the sake of Allah.
When she helps you lower your gaze and you help her lower her gaze through the halal permissible outlet that Allah has allowed through one another. You have loved each other for the sake of Allah have you not?
When she says to you don't back bite your in laws don't back back your mother and father don't back by your friends. This person has reminded you of Allah Allah has loved you for the sake of Allah.
When she sneezes you say to her your hammock Allah may Allah have mercy upon you, you will have loved her for the sake of Allah. These small things brothers and sisters
It's largely go unnoticed in marriage.
It just requires some adjustment and a change in perception and you will see that you have Alhamdulillah a relationship that is largely founded upon Islam, just bring it out and speak about it and and develop it is well, another obvious go to brothers and sisters with respect to repairing them over there is the element of gift giving.
There are there is so much research coming out nowadays
about the highly sophisticated and complex effects, the benefit ones that is in giving a gift with respect to a human interaction. And you've got different professionals from different departments of life all weighing in, in this discussion you've got psychologists speaking about gift giving, you've got anthropologists, you've got economists, you've got marketers, all speaking about the importance of giving a gift to one another.
And subhanAllah it turns out that the one who benefits the most from the gift is the is the Giver himself from a psychological perspective. He is the biggest beneficiary when he gives a gift, then the recipient of the gift because of what it does to him and to her and the messenger of course sallallahu alayhi wa sallam has summarized much of this discussion in a few words, the Hadith Which Imam Bukhari generates in his edible Mouffetard he said, What
the hell do to have boo give gifts to one another and you will love one another. It has a huge effect. This element of sharing and wanting to do things with one another and enjoying an experience with one another is found in the gift and that is why perhaps Allah subhanaw taala mentioned in the Quran on numerous occasions, the blessing of enjoying Jana together.
In US Hubbell Jannetty Luma fusion Halima Thank you who in whom was Raju Allah said then under wives them and their spouses in paradise part of the enjoyment of Jana is being together and enjoying these pleasures together. And this is captured by gift giving, Do not be late in it dear brothers and sisters, something small, something regular can take the relationship a long way.
Another thing that is important is the element of investing real quality time for conversation each and every night if possible.
And brothers and sisters something like 20 minutes 30 minutes by Allah is inexcusable for a man or a woman to overlook in their life. You've got the whole day in the afternoon and majority of the evening ahead of you at least specified 30 minutes to sit down with your spouse in an undistracted fashion to talk to one another with no other distractions around you. And by that I mean put your phone on flight mode, put down your laptop, shut down your iPad and sit eye to eye with her and speak.
messengers of Allah Allah who was sending him set with our mother Hi Isha. And he spoke with her about dunya matters, and about de matters, and the narration suggest that they had prolonged conversations as well. Why is it that when he was asked allihies salatu salam, who is it whom you love from humanity, he said,
And then they said, no, no, what we mean is from the men, he said her father aboubaker So even the man who came second place in the heart of the prophets, I send him his link to his wife.
What is it that made him love her so much? I don't doubt for a moment that part of this love was due to these amazing conversations that they would have with one another on an on a regular basis. And you're all aware of the hadith of Abu Zahra and OMO Zara, and so he had McCarty, right?
Where I Isha, she said to the prophets that I sent them on evening that there were some women who came to my home this evening.
And they were discussing and each one said, Let us talk about our husband. Let's discuss our husbands. And we're not going to withhold at all and they said let's do it and he was on the Allahu anha was listening. And there were 11 women there in that gathering, and each one of them began to speak about her husband. Some of those statements was backstabbing, and insulting and seeing how rough he is and how much he likes to divorce and how like he thinks he's a lion at home and other ones were very soft and gentle and, and then came the last discussion 11 stories.
The narration is long and so he had heard it, it's difficult to understand without the dictionary even if you're an Arab complicated words, you should memorize it all word for word Subhanallah squalor, a genius gift from Allah. And I'll be allowing her
and she was narrating this to the prophets that I said he didn't interrupt Hawaiians. He is listening until she got to the 11th woman she said then the 11th woman came her name was almost a mother of Zara
She began to praise her husband was Zara, and she spoke so highly of him. He did this and he did that he did this and he was this. She was really romanticizing the image of her husband, she loved him.
And she said, The only problem with Abu Zahra is that he married another woman, and then he divorced me.
And then at the end of the narration, when you should finish talking prophets, I seldom said to our Isha, I have been to you better than I was, was to Busara.
And in another narration, he said to her, the difference between me and Abu Zahra is that I will never divorce you, Allah. What does that tell you?
And he heard everything she said. He wasn't pretending to listen. He heard everything he said. And then he had some commentary to give on her story as well.
There was conversation between them. That's dunya related, but they also had Islam related conversations. And they were long and deep.
One of the very first hadith of Imam Buhari and his saw here, which is called the beginning of Revelation, that long narration that you and I have heard ever since we were children about his experience with Jibreel. And he was terrified in the cave. He used to spend days in the cave and nights thinking about Allah and worshipping Him. And then Angel Jibreel he came to him and he squeezed him and he almost died. And he said to him read and eventually he came back to Khadija Cover me, shroud me I am afraid. And then she said, he said to her, I was afraid for my life. And Khadija took him to her cousin watercop novella and he said to him, this is the same one who came to
Prophet Moses, you're going to be a prophet. You've heard this right, who narrated this narration?
You generated it, she heard it from the prophets. I said, he's speaking to her deep Islamic conversations with his wife not belittling her saying I just gave a lecture to Abu Bakr and Omar and Khalid and the warriors of this ummah, I'm gonna go and speak to a young woman at home, let me sleep got a long day ahead of me, Jihad and Quran. Know, he, he spoke. Therefore, brothers and sisters, this is of the essence, and I cannot count the sheer number of families that have come to the Sharia Council. And then when you get to the core of their issues, you realize there is no major issues, but it's just a functional marriage. He takes what he wants from her in the evening. And the palace,
that's it, there's not much conversation going on, he comes home.
He's waiting for his food, playing with his phone, food comes, doesn't want much noise in the house. So she keeps the kids quiet. So not to ruffle the feathers of her husband. And she gives him the newspaper or magazine or he's on BBC, CNN watching the news. Everyone's trying to keep their voices down.
And then maybe he'll go through his social media, make sure that the kids everything's okay with them had a good time in school, then he will go to bed. And then she will stay upstairs, his wife, go through Netflix go through a few channels. One and a half hours later, two hours later, she goes back to bed as long as she sleeps different times, and so on and so forth. No major issues. But there is a major issue really, which is there's no real communication. And that will be the glue. And that will be the secret that will bring the intimacy that a lot of marriages are yearning for today, brothers and sisters give yourself those 30 minutes or so to decompress them to speak to one
another away from all distractions which therefore when that evening comes, turn it all off every other distraction.
Even if that distraction was a ring, what do you mean by that? Imam oneness that generates in his pseudonym
on your authority of Abdullah, who know how best
he said that the arraign was gifted to the Prophet Muhammad, a ring a ring.
And then he realized that the ring was
taking from his attention
at the expense of the companions. He was looking at it, he was marveling at it, it's a beautiful ring. And so he took it off. And he said to the Companions, la Nevada, what la come Nhava Sheva Loni Hancock MHADA Mangalyaan la he Nevada or LA could another level what he says this ring has just distracted me from you. I do apologize. I'm giving it a glance I think giving you a glance and then giving it a glance and giving you a glance. So he took it off and he gave it away to someone else. I'm speaking to my companions, I will give them my full attention. Your wife, your husband, your sister is no different to this rule.
Quality time, not quantity. Number four, be the comfort of the eyes of one another. This is a key way also of restoring our affection it can be restored be the comfort of the eyes of one another what does that mean? It means look good for one another. I think carry octave carry my brothers and sisters you are the only ones whom you are allowed to look at each other from head to toe without there without you incurring any type of sin.
every other human being like this is how
haram. Therefore please don't be an eyesore. Don't be an eyesore. Allah subhanho wa Taala said that I'm Daniel Hamlin mean as Virgina was will react in a poor Raja Island, oh our Lord, we say, you know, give us from our spouses and from our children, that which will give coolness to our eyes. What does it take to look good for your spouse, you don't have to go overboard brothers and sisters and we will speak a little bit more about this in principle number four in sha Allah Tala, this is key make an effort for one another from a physical appearance perspective. Number five social media
is an active acts that tears down the fabric of our relationship over time, if not managed correctly, what happens? See, a long time ago, in order to become famous, you had to do something profound, affecting humanity, right? Today, if you want to be famous, you don't need to do that. All you need is an internet connection, and maybe a selfie stick and a camera. And you can be famous. And guess what the more clothes you take off, the more the likes, the more radical and crazy things we may do, the more the response rate we get. And then the greater the response rate we get, the more the dopamine, the more sense of gratification. And the more the sense of gratification, the
greater the urge you will have to do more. What happens over time is that you and I will lose the ability to accept attention from one person.
Because our brains has become rewired to only accepting and craving attention from many people why 30 likes when I used to have 300 likes, why 3000 likes when I used to have 300 likes, and then your poor wife, or your poor husband wants to sit down and have a conversation with you. You can't do it anymore. You're fidgeting you're yearning to get back on the phone and to see who said what and who liked what
social media brothers and sisters if you are not doing anything profound with it, like for example saving people from the hellfire and guiding them to Jannah and glorifying Allah subhanaw taala, which I would claim a lot of us are not doing deleted altogether.
If it is affecting our relationship, delete it all together and save this Meetha cleave this firm covenant that we spoke about last week. Finally, brothers and sisters in terms of
reviving the concept of Nevada, we can stop showing the world. The happiness in our married life, brothers and sisters, stop showing the world about the happiness that you are experiencing as a husband or wife.
If you get married in City Hall or County Hall, the world doesn't need to see the photos of your marriage.
And if your husband Your sister has bought you a huge bouquet of flowers, you don't need to show the world on Instagram that your hobby has just got you some flowers. Because you're telling me from those 500 people you have as your friends or maybe the 5000 still none of them are unmarried. None of them envy you for where you are at.
You are saying to be that none of them are married but are not suffering as married men or women. And then they see now this carefully we are filtered photo that you have uploaded, and they're thinking What about me? Don't you fear that an AI may affect you because the evil is real. Now we don't want to take this to paranoia brothers and sisters.
But I don't doubt that many of the sudden breakdowns of relationships that seem completely unexplainable are due to the aim of human rights in his most net. And humanism was struck, that the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, either
che and Jabba hoof and UberEATS. In Aina Haqqani, if any of you sees something that he admires, let him make dua for Baraka blessing Allahumma barik ala who or something like that, he said, because the eye is real.
The eye is real.
And I will know I know it's in his Hellyer with their husbands chain of narration as mentioned by NASA rodina Alba and the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said in lying to him or Raju del Cobre, while gentlemen Kindra the evil eye can take a camel to the pot and can take a man to his grave.
La ilaha illallah evil eye can kill camels, it can put them in the pot for meat for people to eat to eat has died, and it can take a man to his grave. Rather a step further. The messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said in a terrifying Hadith in Aqsa right now you know, in Surah
ma Jakob the highlight nurse in order to chemical allihies salatu salam Bahadur kala India Hirakata Rehabil unforeseen nine, the most thing that claims the lives of people from my nation after the
Have Allah is the evil eye.
Marriage is supposed to be something private between you and your spouse.
Why is it that when you have a wonderful moment with the heart, the very first thought that goes into my mind or yours is cyberspace.
What's the best filter for this image?
How am I going to get this envious eyes to look at me and then you expect that this is a this is something that will not require a price impossible their brothers and sisters, we have taken
enemies at times, or at least the masses of people with different intentions, we have brought them into our homes.
We have taken them for drugs in our cars.
We have shown them our dates with our spouses.
We might as well pack them a suitcase.
Allah subhana Ghana wants you to cover this dear brothers and sisters are only showing perhaps to those few people who you know what good for you. And at times, it doesn't need to be somebody who hates you to affect you with the eye. It could be purely admiration, but they don't say the right things and then you are stuck.
Don't put yourself your brothers and sisters in this corner. Put yourself outside of harm's way and that means cover the care that Allah Almighty has given you rethink your social media now as we are speaking to what to one another and see the Earth car the morning and evening remembrance is undoubtedly This is sufficient protection Elisa Allahu Be careful who Allah is shirt certainly sufficient for his service
brothers and sisters, let us conclude the lecture with quickly very quickly looking at principle number four. Principle number four is from surah nisa Chapter Four area 19 where Allah subhanho wa Taala said why she will never be model.
So this is speaking to them and now
live with them in kindness.
Allah Jalla Jalla Allah who said live with them them meaning the women in kindness and there will be a principle after this that will address our sisters who will speak about that next week. For now we are being addressed as men by Elijah Elijah live with them honorably or in kindness.
And what helps us understand this principle is the context of it. Imam Al Bukhari innovates on the authority of Abdullah he's not best. He said that it used to be before Islam, that when a woman's husband would pass away, the family of her husband would have priority as per what they do with her.
If they wish, one of them will choose to marry her. Or they will choose to marry her to someone of their liking. Or they will choose to not marry her to anyone at all. Allahu Akbar so they had full autonomy over her after her husband dies. So Allah Almighty forbade this and he revealed that this idea that you just heard part of it is why she hung up in my roof and live with them honorably live with them in kindness Allahu Akbar.
And look at the Arabic word here used for live with them I Sharon live with them. Emmanuel Hara Bill Maliki in his book camel Quran he said that this word actually Rohan live with them is from the three letters or Ashara is Shane raw shara, which is in reference to Mama will command something that is full and complete.
So, just from the Arabic usage of this word, you get an idea of what type of leaving Allah Who wants from us towards them.
I shall run from that which is complete that which is full he says that's why the Arabs they call a tribe what
a I share it or I see
why it is a tribe it is I share when it is complete and strong and has the ability to defend itself and fight meaning it is complete.
And we call the number 10. What do we call it in Arabic are Shara same three letters why because it is a whole number it is a phone number
And similarly here Allah said why she won't live with them. The same three letters are used to give you an idea of fullness Allah gender Jenner who wants from you and I, then he said Bill maruf kindly live with them as your own bill mouth. We've translated it as kindly
but you can put a bracket here you can put brackets and write
according to that which is acceptable
or according to the norms, according to the order of the customs Bill maruf meaning according to the order of the customs, so we've translated it as live with them kindly but if you want a literal translation, it would be live with them kindly according to what is accepted.
We'll buy the norms according to the standards of your time and society.
Does that make sense? So this area is miraculous. It didn't specify to the men how they should treat their wives, this particular area did not specify how and how it should look, according to what is acceptable according to the norms. In other words, how a husband would spend on his wife, if they are from a rich community is different to the mother, the dowry and expenditure and the living expectations to a woman who comes from a society where she and her husband are from a poor background.
So Allah subhanaw taala did not specify a number or quantity. He said, Bill maruf, according to the order for the customer, what is acceptable ie so long as it does not contradict what?
The religion of Islam?
And let me give you some examples, dear brothers and sisters, and what this what this entails
looking wonderful for one another, and we said we will elaborate upon it in this principle.
So in the past,
it may have been such that it wasn't a huge requirement for a husband to sort himself out for his wife.
Yeah, and he, I mean, he's got the big belly going on. And he's got this ugly white vest. I mean, they even call it the wife beater vest. That's how ugly it is. It's called the wife beater vests.
And she's not complaining his wife, she doesn't expect anything else, because that's what she saw her parents doing. That's what her sisters are doing. She looks right and left to her neighbors. That's what they're doing. That's what the community is doing. We also don't have social media back then. So it doesn't look any it doesn't look wrong. That may have been the expectation back then. Today, the MA roof, the custom is a little bit different. Everyone is seeing everything.
So the husband and of course the wife, they are required to make an effort. That isn't to say that we take it to a level of paranoia.
Yes, I'm, I'm being compared and I'm being looked at so I've got to do crazy stuff. No, we're not saying to the sister go and inject botox serum in your face. And we're not saying to the brother go and inject steroids which is haram into your arms and thighs. Now, I'm not saying to you go and install a synthetic set of six pack into your abdomen and don't need to do that. There was actually an article in the college times in 2019. In March, the title of the article was
woman surprises her husband in the UAE with plastic surgery. So he divorced her
and now they live in LA. It's quite an unfortunate circumstance. So you had Jani she she reckons he had issues with her face and premature wrinkling. So she wanted to surprise him when he went away for a few months and so she does plastic surgery. And he said to her I loved you how you are and we didn't discuss this so you are divorced and the poor lady she pleaded with him when she went to court and she tried to reconcile he said finished.
Point is we are not expected genuinely speaking to go to these extremes brothers and sisters to start ourselves out because we want to compare it with a b and c persons No, but make an effort because that will be cents from the other make an effort. What does it take to put on a dash of makeup your sister?
What does it take dear brother to
trim your beard, to brush your teeth to use the sea wag and put on aftershave and to come out with iron clothes from time to time and to go to the gym and to sort your health out as much as you can be modeled as much as you can according to what is acceptable. What will that take brothers and sisters not much.
And that is why Abdullah he does he said in New Haven Earth as a young Marathi camera or Hebrew and that as a young a young man, I like to beautify myself for my wife the same way I expect her to beautify herself for me.
And from the Hanafi scholars and Muhammad, Hassan Sheikh Danny he would beautify himself mashallah why he would say in the leanness and what's your worry?
What would you do on that agenda? La Honda kala Yun vana he loves it. He says I have women
and I would like to beautify myself so that so that they don't look anywhere else.
You and your wife she may be very shy, masha Allah she has she has higher list of endangered species perhaps today. But this is higher in men and women. So she may not say to you, why do you look like this? And why don't you look like that person. But you think that the eyes are not looking and the heart is not yearning? Come on brothers and sisters. She's not made out of wood. The same way you're not made out of reinforced concrete. We're human beings made out of flesh and blood blood that emotions and shaytaan is around. Everything is open to see. Don't be paranoid about your looks, but make an effort of inquiry. Why? A because it is the Sunnah and me because Allah said live with them
kindly will narrow according to what is acceptable. This is the expectations of today.
Another example of Ashley Rohan, they've been knocked off live with them according to what is acceptable is the element of
Eonni. giving time to one another to speak, as we spoke about earlier, a long time ago, perhaps it was accepted that the husband comes home demands his food, and then he will go up to his bed. If he speaks to her about the weather, or what the kids did in school, that is a bonus. And maybe women, they didn't expect any much more from their husbands because that was the custom of the time. Although we don't approve of it. Today. The custom is different. You're supposed to be a friend, you're supposed to communicate and you're supposed to have real deep, solid and intimate conversations with one another. Allah said live with them according to what is acceptable. This is
what is required today.
Another example is that in the past, a woman for example, may not expect her husband to come home with a bouquet of flowers not even once every decade.
She may not expect you that you come back home with a box of Toblerone
chocolates or anything, she doesn't expect that her husband is one day going to come back with a codon, or to take her out on a vacation every year. For example, maybe that was not the expectation.
Is it still the situation today, situation has changed. And we have to adapt and why not adapt? There is nothing that contradicts our religion in showing this type of affection and romance. It is expected and Allah said what as you all know, be modeled, live with them according to what is acceptable.
Allah subhanaw taala. Another example is the element of sitting with the kids, maybe women of the past and certain other cultures and certain other eras without specifying. They didn't expect that their husbands would come back one evening saying, Hey, let me take the kids this evening, go and do what you need to do with your friends. Understand that you have social needs and you have any mental well being need and you want to maybe go to the gym and you will you'd like to do certain things with your friends as we all do. And you'd like just not to meet your wife for an evening. Hey, keep the kids with me for this evening or twice in the week. No problem. Maybe women back then don't
didn't expect that. Maybe that was the custom today? Is it still the custom? No, this is an expectation. Why not do that? Allah said why should we not live with them in kindness between brackets according to what is acceptable.
The point is dear brothers and sisters and just to summarize now, invest in your relationship.
Invest in your marriage, when you invest in your marriage, my brother because this principle is speaking to you academically. This will benefit who in the end?
Who is the beneficiary when you invest in the relationship in terms of time and romance and, and conversation? Do ha who is the first beneficiary you are the first beneficiary.
It's a gift of giving back the gift of gifts, you are the first to be gifted with your gift when you give it invest in your relationship. And then you can withdraw. When you need during difficult times, misunderstandings, when you're angry, when you're not in the mood, you're withdrawing from the relationship. But if you are invested, maybe you can afford to do that from time to time we're humans. But if you are withdrawing, withdrawing and withdrawing, and you're not investing as much, there will come a time when there's nothing left in the account. And that's the point where the spouses begin to despise one another.
invested your brothers and sisters. Why should only be modeled live with them in kindness. What does the I then say? Who knows depart?
Fine, are encouraged to move on Vasa and Takahashi and while Johanna Allahu fi Chiron cathedra live with them kindly.
Allah says but if you detest them, Allahu Akbar. If you hate your wife, Allah says then may be that you are hating something which Allah would play so much good in it for you. The cow positive the Quran is Allahu Akbar. So the area that is saying to you and I to live with them kindly, in the same breath, in the same breath says you may hate her.
But you're still expected to live with her kindly as long as you have decided not to divorce your divorce with excellence Subhanallah Haleem.
Did you see the point I am making here dear brothers and sisters, in the situation where you can't stand the guts of this human being who is in front of you. Allah says live with them kindly.
That is an obligation from Allah gender gelato. And here perhaps it is suitable to mention a few things about domestic violence.
One in three women statistics they say in their lifetimes will experience domestic violence by their husbands. And in Britain alone, two women die they are killed by their husbands on a weekly basis.
And statistics they say that women who have experienced domestic abuse
On one in three times more likely to experience any type of illness later on in life, whether it is a mental illness, like schizophrenia, or being bipolar, or any other illness like diabetes, and heart attacks and the rest of it
don't ever try to justify that using any text from Islam.
Because oh my god, you she said Ma Dada then we use Allahu alayhi wa sallam, che and lembrar attend wala Hardyman. Illa anugerah. Here if you said Belinda, so Muslim, she said in his life, my husband never hit anyone. Rather, the word she uses is anything he never struck anything. Not a servant and not a woman only if he was fighting jihad in the path of Allah.
You remember when father moving to Christ came to the Prophet sallallahu Sallam saying that there are two men who've sought my hand in marriage, Abuja him and Maya, ignoble Sofia and what do you think of Prophet of Allah? He said neither of them are suitable as for Abu Sufyan as from why we are so alone clam Allah who is a poor man he's broke he's got nothing. So marry him. He said as for Abuja him for the ROB only nice
Abuja him he never drops the stick from his back, always carrying his dick. In another narration. He is a woman betta he said, Don't marry him marry Osama bin zt.
And when the messengers when I send them was upset, he was grieved by his wives because they were asking from him expenditure that he wasn't able to provide.
He left them and he was grieved.
And so Abu Bakr and Omar came to see the profits that I sent him and both of them have daughters married to the profits that I sent them have daughter of Amara Isha daughter of Abubaker.
And they saw the grief in the face of the prophets, I send them.
And they realized that their daughters had played a role in that. So our kid got up to be Isha his daughter, and Omar he grew up to be Hafsa. How dare they bring this grief to the heart of the prophets, I said, and he held them back. He said to them, you don't touch them. SubhanAllah.
And this is volume, a dear brothers and sisters, and we're going to speak about volume later on beating the light. But this is a part of weakness in a man, that is not strength to raise a bruising fist at a weak woman, regardless of what she does, there is a door of marriage, that companions they said, If the Prophet SAW Selim hated something would see it in his face.
He didn't need to go into a fit of rage and to smash everything about and turn over tables and break the arms of women.
If he disliked anything, we would just see it from his face. And that would be enough. And that is a successful man in the house, who manages to impose respect through his club and his manners and his religion and his fear of Allah and He commands authority without even commanding it, his presence commands respect, just from your face, they will be able to understand what is what you want, and what you don't want, you will need to do this out of the lab. So that's why it's a weakness. It is not a strength, brothers. Don't take her for granted.
The other day, I was speaking to a brother, who was I mean, I cannot explain to you what he did to his wife.
And I said to him, What are you doing? He said, Where is she gonna go? Anyway? What is she going to do?
She can leave me. He's taken her for granted. We say in Arabic, Birmingham.
He's taken her presence for granted. Where is she going to go? She's mine forever. What are you he cannot imagine a scenario when one day she leaves him. What is he going to do?
So on one respect, we are so humbled to our employees, and we we begged them to keep us on and we go out of our way to respect them, and we sacrifice some of our rights because we feel we need them when you come home. You don't do that. Why? Because she's here. Where's she gonna go? I can't imagine her leaving me one day. In one day, what happens? Allah subhanaw taala takes away your love from her heart.
And then you break down beyond repair. And we saw this in the Sharia Council. panela brothers and sisters, it terrified me. And I said to the chef, after they left, I said to him, Look how Allah says, Allah more than Allah your whole debate will be Allah at times may stand between a person and his heart. That's it, you can't change it.
This woman she said to us in front of her husband. I was so attached to him, cuddling him all of the time, following him like a little puppy in the house. He was my everything. You just was obsessed by him. She described a woman who was very attached to her husband.
But he was neglectful taking her for granted. Rose you wanna go friends come first business come first. No speaking, no gifts, no love, no, very little intimacy. And he didn't manage the dispute between his mum and his wife very well. Always.
making her feel that you are second place in my mom's home.
And Subhan Allah she the whole conversation, she didn't look into his direction once. He had his chair facing her pleading with her brothers,
big time businessman, this brother pleading with her I, and we, he was abused that day by her. You are this and you did that. And you did this and he could not respond to anything. He said to her. I confess everything I do. I beg you come back to me. She said, I'm done.
I plead with you. She said, I can't. So we have felt so sorry for him because there's no major issues there that can be salvaged the relationship so we said, Can you please leave the room? We'll speak with her privately. We pleaded with her sister, give it some time, give it make some dua, go back to your family's house, perhaps and spend some time if he if he permits and think she wept and wept and wept and she said I'm so sorry to say, switched off. I cannot look at him anymore. It's gone. Don't you feel that could happen to you brothers and sisters? Don't take her for granted.
And as you wanna Bill Morrow live with them in kindness brothers and sisters, and this will be a means of preventing this horrible outcome from ever happening on Sunday alone and Amina Mohammed will handle in our black