Ali Albarghouthi – This is Love #32 Sin kills Love
AI: Summary ©
The speakers emphasize the importance of love and finding guidance to achieve the best type of love, as well as the history of Islam and negative experiences. They also discuss the importance of patient forgiveness and maintaining love in relationships. The conversation includes personal and professional experiences, including a woman named Connie who had a stroke and eventually found out she had a brain injury. The speakers emphasize the need for a safe environment for everyone and acknowledge the negative consequences of stroke.
AI: Summary ©
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Smilla would hamdulillah salatu salam ala Rasulillah by the early he or sahbihi wa salam
ala Marlon, Linda my info no and finally my LinkedIn I was in a Inman, audible Alameen Lahoma in Cracow Shu Creek was in a bad attic.
And my bad
this is Hadith number 32.
And it is somewhat linked to what we discussed last time.
So, in one sense, it's an addition to it.
But it also emphasizes a point that we should always keep in mind when it comes to the longevity of love where it comes from what nurtures it, what protects it.
So, this hadith
the Prophet alayhi salatu salam said we're lucky enough so Mohammed in dia de MATTER WHAT IF nanny for full recovery in a home or Ellerbee them in your body through a huduma
He says, I swear by the one who has Muhammad's soul, in his hand.
There are or there will be no two who love each other.
And then they grow distant, they are separated in discord meaning meaning that they lose their love.
Except that this happens because of a sin that one of them introduces.
So he's swearing here la Salatu was Salam II swear I swear by the one who has Mohammed soul in his hand, if two people love each other, and they are separated in discord, this is happening because of a sin that one of them has introduced.
So this hadith tells you
about an very important reason why love fizzles and fades.
And let's kind of consider this, consider the bigger picture and then come closer and closer focusing on how this is relevant to us in our own personal and family relations.
So
love is from Allah azza wa jal comes from Allah. And we're going to see an ayah that emphasizes this. But as we've said, All of us are seeking love because we need it. And we can't live without it.
Right. So it's an essential emotion. In fact, it's the most foundational of emotions, so we all are always looking for it, and looking for it, but looking for more of it, and when we have it to protect it, and we're worried about it, because we don't want to lose it, because we can see that it can be lost.
So our efforts are, we can say almost exclusively,
about getting securing and protecting love and everything else, all of the other motions that we have all the other movements that we have are about this.
Even if it's not direct to us, but it's all about this, we want to get as much love, we're going to get more of it, we have to protect it. And we want to increase rather than decrease that love. Now, how do we do this?
Just as human beings, how do we do this? We base it on instinct. we base it on observation and then experience like how do you get someone to love you? How do you have them continue to love you? And how do you save yourself from losing that love? How do you do this? Just think about it? Well, basically, I have some instincts into how this could happen. So I base it on my instincts. And I also know that by observing how others behave,
how they react, that this increases love, this diminishes love this is good for it, this is bad for it. So I would do that as well and also experience that I learned from my mistakes. I know that this was not good to increase love. So I stopped doing it this added love in my life. So I would do more of it. So that's it.
The problem with this, of course, is that our experiences are very different and are limited. Our instincts are not always right. And our observations are not always full and complete. So sometimes because of that imperfection and sometimes because of the pressure that love exerts on us because you really want a person to love you. And you'd be terrified that they would hate you. What happens is that our efforts to secure get love and protected sometimes Big Bird backfire.
You think you can you think that you can get someone to love you and they turn out to hate you
Despite your effort, or because of your effort, meaning me, you really are eager to have so and so like you, so and so love you. And either they are neutral to your
trials, or they hate you because of it. So that's a possibility. So you understand that your efforts to increase love in your life and protected, they can backfire. They also could weaken you morally, ethically. So because a person wants things from you, that are compromising that are wrong, that are haram, you will do it for their sake. So that effort to secure love, compromises you, destroys you weakens you and degrades you. So that's the wrong way of getting loved by a lot of people will think that that's the best way, as long as I'm pleasing Him, and as long as I'm pleasing her, then they will love me. So that's based on rationalization that based on emotions, that's based on whispers of
shaytaan, whatever it is, but that is a decision, personal decision that we make, to get more of people to love us. But in fact, it ends up hurting us, and morally compromising us.
Now, since we said love is so fundamental, and we need, we need it,
learning how to get it and how to protect it, and how to
enhance it is fundamental as well. Right? Like, if love is an essential emotion and need in our life, you don't want to lose it.
And you want to get the best type of love that you can. So learning it is important. You can't leave it to chance You can't leave it to simple experience. You can't leave it to your own thinking and preferences, but rather there has to be guidance to tell you, This secures love and protects it, this enhances it this increases it. This is how you could be loved and this what if you do you will be hated. There has to be some sort of guidance that exists simply beyond
what I know as an individual or what people around me are telling me. And this knowledge is important. And I'm going to say of course, and it's no surprise that this comes to us from Allah azza wa jal. But this knowledge is important for the individual. And this is important also for society as a whole.
For the individual, because this is how you fix your relationships, with your parents, with your children, with your neighbor, coworkers.
You want them to love you, you want them to like you and you want to like them. So how are you going to do how you're going to achieve all of that.
If you are facing a problem with them with your spouse, how are you going to fix it, and we'll Shala talk about this. So it's all about how to nurture and protect that love. So it's important for me as an individual, if I'm facing a problem with someone based on a lack of love or a decrease of it, then I want to understand how I can fix it and love becomes the tool to fix that problem. So as an individual, I need this. As a family, I need that. As a neighborhood, I need it. And also as a society, I need it.
But also mean before I even go to society as a person who's trying to help others. So if you are a counselor, if you're a therapist, a psychologist, a social worker, who's intervening in people's lives, and whom people come to with advice, seeking advice, help me how to solve this problem. Well, you cannot fix their problems unless you know how to protect love and nurture it and find it.
So that's essential for you when you're trying to help others as well. So helping yourself helping others but also society as a whole look at society, look, any society any nation, if love. If a bond of love between its members, its citizens is not the foundation that society is fragmented, and is going to break apart. So any society any nation, part of its project is to create love identity, a bond between the members, we are alike, we love each other we have common goals. So all supposed to be equal. We all supposed to be supportive of each other. But if there is friction between them based on gender, or race, or income, or geography or ethnicity, and they hate each other, that is no
longer a nation so the nation will combat division. But if that division is too strong if there is no love it breaks apart.
So it's a project also for any nation, any society, locate love, increase it. We want people to love each other, not hate each other.
So Allah
As Odell is the one who gifted us that love
and he's the one who finally founds, it creates it, maintains it and protects it. And that is not the first gift that Allah Azza that had given us. So in the book I say, just consider and this is part of kind of getting closer to Allah subhana wa Tada and thanking him for all the newcomers. Consciousness is the first gift.
That is we went from being nothing into beings with consciousness. And consider how much of a gift this is from Allah azza wa jal, maybe some of us are timed, we wish that we were not conscious beings, I wish I was dead. I wish I was this, I wish I was there. But just consider that if you were nothing.
Right? Or if you were to become nothing, how much of a loss that would be like are all my dreams, all my thoughts, all of my experiences, everything that I have learned and will learn will let that alter into a nothing, or while continue to exist as a conscious being.
So consciousness is a great netmail from Allah azza wa jal and not only are you conscious aware, but also you are highly intelligent, highly reflective being, that's what a human being is. That's one that is to what is a highly conscious intelligent being as you ask yourself, Where am I coming from? Where am I going? Am I going? Why is this happening to me?
So this is a higher order, thinking. Then on top of that, Allah xojo made you taste love.
And isn't that a nem? Cat has that ability to experience that joy of loving someone and being loved and Allah azza wa jal could have easily made us emotionless. But no, the net Mo was like experience that joy when you when you can feel that someone likes you wants to be close to you values you. That is an atma from Allah subhanahu wata either. And it is through that Nima. And that experience and understanding of human love, that you begin to relate to Allah Subhana Allah to Allah the Almighty so you understand as a child that your mother loves you and you love your mother. You can take that capacity for love which is not really fully realized. Until you love Allah subhana wa Tada. So you
can take that earthly love that's you know, that you understand, and you direct it towards Allah the Creator.
So Allah azza wa jal deposited the ability to love in you and made you experience earthly love, so that you can relate to Allah subhanho wa Taala at such a sublime level, that I love the Creator. And I'm seeking the love of Allah subhanho wa taala. And as I've just said, you do not really realize the full potential of love until you love Allah and He loves you. Because loving Allah subhanho wa Taala is perfect and complete.
And it's far beyond what any human being can give you or what you can give any human being, you'll always be limited
in the love that you receive, and the love that you can give until you begin to relate to Allah subhanho wa taala, who is perfect, and whose love is perfect, then love rises to levels, that it cannot with any love of any human being on Earth. So
understanding love allows us to love Allah subhanho wa taala. But understanding love also perplexes us because we ask ourselves, why is it that we sometimes love people and hate others? Or why is it that they love us? And some people hate us? Or if they not hate us? They're ambivalent about us. They're not attached to us. They're not attracted to us. They don't like us. Why is it that there is love here? But there is no love there and I've put equal effort here in there. Why is that? So and so we're friends and we've lost that friendship, so and so used to love each other than the last that love that is perplexing. Now we have some answers. Right? We have some answers. There are some
social reasons. There are some biological reasons. There are some psychological reasons. There are some very idiosyncratic reasons, very personal reasons I like this, but I don't like that.
So all these are more or less visible,
or traceable, right. And humans are aware of them or they can be made aware of them based on human earthly investigation. But there are spiritual reasons for love or lack of love.
And we're going to emphasize that it's important to consider both when you're trying to assess love the social
biological, physical or let's say earthly reasons, the physical reasons and the spiritual reasons, the ones that are based on Eman or lack of Eman that Allah azza wa jal tells us about. So according to the Prophet Alayhi Salatu was Salam.
Sin kills love.
According to what he said, la salatu salam in that hadith Sin kills love. So consider and that's the image that I've given in the book and it's based on an idea that I will read in sha Allah shortly. But think about love as a rope that is extended between you and Allah subhanho wa Taala Allah has one end and you will has you have the other end. And as long as that robe is between you and Allah subhana wa Tada Allah has favors keep descending.
You are continuously blessed. And among those blessings are among the most important blessings of those in addition to that of Eman, of course, is that gift of love. Allah gives it to you.
And it's strengthened because you're connected to Allah azza wa jal, you will let go of their rope and what happens you lose all of those gifts and the gifts of Allah. Once you start losing them, you start losing love,
not only the love of Allah azza wa jal, but love among people as well. They start to decline. So, if a person sins, He's letting go for that moment for that day for the rest of the life depending on the sin, the letting go of Allah's rope, and when you let go of Allah's rope, you're letting go of that love so any love in your life weakens. And Allah azza wa jal does not bless it as much as you do as it was before. So the idea that it was talking about and it's a that you read in the Quran, and we code often to talk about the effect of holding
dearly to the rope of Allah azza wa jal or Allah said, Well, I thought scene will be heavily Lehi, Jamie Oh, well at the Federal Code the first portion of the eye, and then we'll explain the rest. Well, I thought see more hold on to the rope of Allah azza wa jal, Jimmy, all of you and do not divide.
So if you think about that image, and what over Allah what what Allah azza wa jal is asking us to do, hold on water SEMO to the rope of Allah Jamia. So that's emphasis again, all of you together and do not divide. What happens if everybody comes to the together and think of a physical rope of that helps because the rope of Allah is the book of Allah is Allah's revelation is the Sunnah Muhammad Ali salatu salam, it's the religion of Islam. But think of a physical rope.
If everybody comes, and they all are holding tightly to that same rope, and they don't let go, what's the natural outcome of that
is that they will be of a similar mind, similar attitudes, similar spirit because all of them are together doing the same thing. And they have the same intention. You're creating a bond between everyone right? Make make sense, right? Everybody is together, same intention, same app, when you do this solidarity is created. They because they know each other, they like each other they have similar objectives. And so naturally, they will start to love each other.
And now if you add to it that you are holding on to something as pure as Allah's revelation as love inducing as Allah's revelation, then you understand that when you do this, you hold on to Islam, Allah azza wa jal gives you that love Allah, Allah gives it gives you that solidarity, he gives you that affection and wood between the faithful.
So Allah azza wa jal when he continues, he says and remember because that's the opposite how you were before and how you are now as a Sahaba, how the Ummah is or could be based on whether they Hold on Are they let go with Curonian met Allahu Alikum. This is on page 342 still.
And remember, Allah has favor upon you when you were enemies.
And he brought your hearts together and you became brothers,
out of his grace because of his grace because of His Bounty, and you're at the edge of the pit of fire. And Allah saved you from it.
So meaning in terms of where you were in the Hereafter, you were close to hellfire. And Allah What did they what? He pulled you back, he saved you from it. Otherwise, you're going to you're going to fall into it.
You're going to be destroyed because you didn't know Allah oxygen. So that's one thing and
terms of the hereafter in terms of the dunya What were you How How did Allah save you? It says your enemies. So the Arabs before Islam, what were they tribes that were fighting each other or hated each other. If they had alliances, they would have alliances for a particular time, but they would revert to a tribe and not only a tribe, they would even fragment based on subsets of those tribes. We are better than you know, you're better than us. So they didn't like each other, they fought each other. They were they had blood feuds with each other. You know, just like Laos and Allah surge. In Medina. They were fighting.
Okay, and they didn't stand each other. And they had a long history of bloodshed on both sides. And they couldn't take it anymore until Allah azza wa jal rescued them with Muhammad Ali salatu salam and the mission mission of Islam and they became brothers. So Allah is saying remember that you were brothers before and Allah brought your hearts together. So that is the gift of love.
Which was created because of what
Iman
and so it continued and it lasted because of their Iman. It was solid because of their EMA. It couldn't be shaken because of the Eman Despite attempts where people would come and try to plant fitna between the people who migrated and the people of the unsought just like today.
You will see people who will try to plant fitna between Muslims, you are from here and you are from there. And Muslims naively will start fighting among themselves based on this fitna. So people who used to try to plant fitna between allows an Al Hassan or between Al muhajir Runa will answer but they were wiser than that. And the Prophet Alayhi Salatu was Salam would soon intervene and stop that fitna.
So Iman was protected or loved was protected because of their Iman and Allah azza wa jal he had promised and announced in the Quran still on page 342. He said in Alladhina amanu
what I mean was slightly heard you say a Jadwiga Homer Rahman woulda it says those who believe and they did good deeds or do good deeds, Allah will grant them love.
So as think about about it as being clothed in love. So yeah, doula homo Rahman would, so they will love and be loved. Right? Allah will love them and if Allah loves them, then everything else will love them and the righteous will love them.
Alright, so Allah azza wa jal is saying that if you have Iman you will get that love from Allah subhanho wa Taala and then you will get everything else that matters and whoever matters to love you back so this is a promise from Allah subhanho wa taala. So if you want people to love you, what do you do?
You have to love Allah.
You have to have Allah love you. And then people will love you. This is how you increase love. This is how you protect it, this is how you get it. That's the best way to get it and to protect it.
And if you let go of that, so imagine I am not from the people who are doing who have Iman and they do good deeds. I'm not the one who's holding on to the rope of Allah azza wa jal so I let go of it then Allah lets go of me. So you are left to your own.
Now if Allah leaves you to your enough's
who is right beside you them
it's not Allah, who's beside you who fills that vacuum? The shaytaan what is the shaytaan one from you?
To make you miserable. And we saw in other Hadith that he's tries to ruin everything lovely in your life, including the love. So if you are married, he'll try to introduce divorce, Discord, hatred. She will try to ruin your relationships with your spouse, with your parents, with your children with your neighbor. And then it doesn't stop with that even all of society starts hating each other based on all the other Jamelia stuff. They are richer, they are poor. He is of this color he is of the different color he is of this area. I'm from a different area, all these J Haley reasons, but you don't have Iman to fight it. And when you revert back to your nature, the human nature without
assistance from Allah azza wa jal, you're talking about a jealous, greedy, unjust nature
to human beings by nature, if not, they have a portion of their fitrah that is good, but also by nature, they are ignorant, and by nature, they are aggressors and oppressors
So if you are not saved by Allah azza wa jal and you revert to that, then you will be jealous, you'll be greedy, you will be destructive, highly destructive human being. So if you wonder, as you look at humanity and how it's capable of doing some of the more heinous destructive things that it's doing, it's because those people don't have Iman and they don't have Allah xojo nothing to stop, nothing to refrain nothing to educate nothing to warn them. So they unleash the worst that is in them and what you are seeing is the unknown, the worst of humanity, which is a potential for every being
to do, including all of us.
So don't think that somehow we are protected from it know if Allah azza wa jal if you let go of Allah, then Allah lets go of you because that's your choice. You could do exactly the same things that they were doing. So you have to be terrified of the fact that Allah azza wa jal may not be beside you. Because what would you do?
The potential of it, right the damage of it. So it is not religion.
That is, So faith is not or doesn't breed hatred, faith that is faith, true faith in Allah azza wa jal, it is the lack of faith that breeds hatred, because Allah has Zoda through the Quran and through the Sunnah, we talked about this before he restrains it. He wants you to spread love Subhana Allah to Allah right? And we've defined this and we talked about it. So Allah azza wa jal restrains that hate, it doesn't unleash it.
It tells you even if you hate hate someone, well I adream in a commission and homing by these laws that it says what, even if you hate some people, don't let that drive you not to be just with them.
Even if you hate them,
so you're not going to commit injustice, any type of injustice in speech in actions and behavior, you can say just because they did that, to me, I'll do the same to them. Allah does not allow you to do this. So Allah azza wa jal realizes, recognizes, it's impossible not to hate it, we talked about this before, but you regulate it. You stop it, you say, No, you can't do this. And you can't do that. You have to be just even if you don't like so and so even if you're fighting with so and so, even if you're divorcing.
And she did, or he did all those terrible things to you, you're not allowed to reciprocate and say, I'll do those, all those terrible things to them. Because he's your behavior is supposed to be regulated by the love of Allah xojo Not by the hatred of sown So, alright. So
it is not faith that breeds hate, it is faithlessness that breeds hate, right? lack of belief in Allah Zota that breeds that hate. So
this hadith, right also gives us the good news. If Sin kills love, the opposite is true. Which is that obeying Allah azote it enhances this love and protects it. Good. So if sin is absent, then love is there. And if you obey Allah moreso he loves you more than love in your life will grow love for others, and the love that they have for you in Allah, Allah xojo.
Now, I asked you a question here before I move to that point of solving our problems. Now how do we solve our problems based on this knowledge?
A raise a point here on page 344.
which a person could say to themselves if sins kill love, how is it that non Muslims experience and enjoy love?
If they are so sinful? How is it that they still experience love? And the answer I give there or part of the answer is that Allah Azza wa Jalla is so generous and gracious, that he had offered this gift to every being
to every being, no matter what. Right? You can be the most, you know, sinful person, but you still have experienced love in your life. Your mother loved you, your father loved you, your spouse loves you, your children love you, somehow somebody in life, they love you. So Allah, Allah did not deny them food, and water, air, and other gifts, health. And also he didn't deny them love, they will be questioned for all of that, but he at least, is gracious and merciful enough with every single being that here you can enjoy and understand what this means. Perhaps this will change you. So that's one. That's one answer. The second also is that Allah azza wa jal had made love to be based on spiritual
and social or physical reasons.
So if a non Muslim pursues the social physical reasons of love, they will get some of it. So if they're a nice kind person,
if they are attentive, if they are caring,
they will receive love. If they help others they will receive love, even if they are spiritually very lacking. But love has multiple reasons spiritual and the physical.
So if they are pursuing the physical, they will enjoy love. But if they are sinful,
no one can escape the destructive effects of sin. Their love will diminish because of it. So if a person drinks or They gamble, or they are unfaithful in a sense of they commit adultery when they lose love.
They will lose love, it doesn't stay. So Allah azza wa jal is telling you what it's not going to take all love from your life if you sin, but it will diminish
and it you may lose it. So some non Muslims will continue to enjoy to enjoy love for the rest of their lives. And some will lose a lot of it based on their sin.
But Muslims who have access to both
means of love the physical because they know about it because they're human beings. And because they have read in the Hadith that we've encountered if you give gifts that you will spread love, if you say Sadam, you will spread love this and similar Hadid that teach you how to cultivate love. So they are aware of this, but also they are aware of the spiritual religious reasons, the love will be stronger
because they feed it from both sides. So a believer will enjoy greater amounts of love, stronger love more lasting love versus a non believer. Okay.
So if you were to take their Eman away, if you were to take their obedience away, the love has to decrease. So that's why non Muslims will continue to experience love. But no one is immune for the promo. The Prophet Alayhi Salatu was Salam said, more sin will equal less love and more room for the shaytaan to intervene and ruin relationships and ruin societies. Right?
Now, how do we solve our problems? Because if we encounter a problem, the problem is, in essence, a lack of love. Lack of compatibility, like a greater discord, greater hatred,
whatever you want to phrase it, how do we solve our problem? Based on that hadith, we really understand that hadith and the most beneficial thing that you can do at the first sign of trouble. You look back at your deeds,
and you rectify what needs to be rectified things that you're doing that or wrong, you stopped doing them things that you were supposed to do, but you're not doing you start doing them. And you consider that that discord, that problem that lack of love, as a sign of a bigger problem in your life, a potential sign of a bigger problem in your life, and a chance and a reminder to be better.
So that's the first reaction.
And that reaction will help you
fix the problem. If you are part of it, and you are visibly part of it, fix the problem if there's are invisible reasons, and you could be the cause, fix the problems of the are physical reasons, from you or from them. Whatever it is, if you consider it to be a sign from Allah azza wa jal things are going wrong. Let's say you have a problem with your neighbor, you have a problem with your parents, you have a problem with your spouse, you have a problem with your children, how do I fix it? So before you even look into any other cause or any other reason? It say how am I with Allah azza wa jal because you do need Allah's assistance to fix this problem.
It could be a because of a sin.
And I'm not telling you here that it's always your fault.
But it could be
or if it's not your fault when you fix yourself or you're better with Allah azza wa jal, Allah will enable you to fix that problem.
So it is said here.
Be right with Allah azza wa jal and Allah will fix your relationships and Allah will make your relationships right. So fix what is between you and Allah and Allah fixes but what is between you and people?
So that's what you're seeking when there is lack of love absence of agreement, problems that you may be able to trace but sometimes you are unable to trace why
Why is this happening? Why are we fighting so much? Why is this less Barack at home wide? Do my pet parents hate me or I think they hate me or my children. They seem to hate me. Why is this happening? Say well go back to Allah azza wa jal and consider maybe you're doing something wrong.
It's only going to help you by what by the way, that that analysis is only going to help you because if it pushes you to stay away from a sin or to do extra good, righteous things, then you've won. You've won.
So you say okay, I'm doing this and it seems that it's sinful or doubtful. Let me stop.
I should do more of good deeds. What more do ah,
a better Salah and concentration in it more sunnah. More dhikr of Allah azza wa jal. I'm not reading enough Quran, read Surah Al Baqarah. Pray at night, pray pm things you start moving, because your intent is I want to solve this problem. And I realized that hearts are with Allah azza wa jal, and he says hands in his hands under his control. I want that person's heart to change. How will that heart change Allah can change it. So let me be close to Allah azza wa jal maybe what is between me and Allah is not right. That's why my relationships are not right.
Right. And some of the stuff I've said and I think I've quoted this before he says in the LA sea, Lucha Atif with Erica for holo Picardy me, well, hey Marie, it says I would disobey Allah azza wa jal, and I recognize the consequence of that sin. And how am I servant? And my donkey behaves?
A stubborn donkey. What does that have to do with sin?
By but it does, right? Like things don't go right.
Right, things don't go right and the universe is connected. And who's connecting it not the universe, Allah. Universe is not a conscious beings, but the universe is connected. So how you behave, and how your animal reacts to you,
and how you behave and how your family's reacting to you are all connected.
So if you're sinning, even just between you and Allah azza wa jal, Khanna you're polluting your surroundings. So they react. They don't know why. But they're reacting to it, they absorb it.
And the shaytaan is there. So you want to cleanse your life. So when you do this fix what is between you and Allah azza wa jal, Allah fixes what is between you and people. And that as again is gives you the chance to look at the bigger picture, not just this problem, but the bigger picture of how I am with Allah azza wa jal.
Right. And that does not mean of course, that you're going to neglect all the other physical causes. It just means this is how you start. This is how you start, this is how you begin. And if that effort brings you closer to Allah, and it softens your heart,
then you're more likely to accept your fault if you're at fault to change if you need to change or to give better advice.
If the issue is with the other person, and for that advice to be accepted, because it's coming from a sincere, humble heart, so no matter what, you're at a better, better position to save that love. Because you're closer to Allah azza wa jal. So we're not necessarily saying it's always you, but it could be and if not, you'll be better able to help your mate or the person around you change for the best because you're closer to Allah azza wa jal, right. So
a couple of quotes here at
page 345. So pada Musa al Kalam he says either to hear also Hey Boca alayka farlam Anna Derek I mean them being deaf the Hoefer to bail Allah He mean Cooley them been yesterday him Dhaka would do. It says if your friends love,
affection, how close they are to you, they it changes, know that this is happening because of a sin that you introduce. So repent to Allah azza wa jal from all sin and Allah azza wa jal will bring that love back into the yellow Sahib book. So you have a friend, you have a brother, someone that you know, and they're growing distant as that next saying will explain the growing distant or they turn against you or or or then there could be some reasons and maybe these reasons have all to do with them and nothing with you. That's a possibility.
To, but it's egotistical to always think that it's always somebody else and not me. Right? You have to consider that maybe I did contribute to this in one way or another, either visibly, I said something, I did something. I'm not really a good friend. I'm not a good brother, something that I've said. And here there's humility. There has to be humility. Or there is an invisible cause things that I've done, that Allah knows about, maybe I don't. So that's what he said, No, that is because of a sin that you introduced. Repent to Allah azza wa jal and go back to him. And Allah will bring that love.
That is the best attempt at restoring love. Right? And maybe after that you will need or they will need to do other physical social or remedies. But that's the beginning. And Moosonee he said either Wadjet terminate one Iike jefa and furtopia Ilala he for indica them. But it says if you find that your brothers are distant or they're losing their love or that love is decreasing, it says repent to Allah because you've introduced a sin. Kala were either interesting the second part where either Wadjet demean him Xia that would then, but if you see that they love you more for that he clearly thought it and
this is because of a good deed that you've increased that you've introduced. So thank Allah has zoldan So in both ways, it's because of Allah.
Right? It's not because you're a fantastic person. He's not saying that don't attribute it to yourself. You might be a great person. But he's saying here he's injecting what? Humility so that you know, not looking at yourself and how great you are. But you attribute all favors to Allah xojo It's not because I am a great person that they liked me so much, or because I'm so caring so attentive because I say Saddam all the time. They liked me so much. No, you attributed back to Allah azza wa jal. So if you're losing that love, there is a sin, repent from it, and love will come back. If there is greater love in your life, say it's because of a good deed that I've done. So thank
Allah for it. So it becomes a NEMA. Right? It's not a NEMA not personal effort. It's never from Allah azza wa jal. So that will push you to do greater and more good deeds, and to thank Allah more and more for the love that you find in your life. So this is how you build up that love. This is how you cultivate it, and this is how you protect it.
Right? And again, and again, insha, Allah, both spiritual and physical foundations are needed for love to continue. So when we're saying this, when you hear that doesn't mean that I just simply need to be a fasting person praying at night, and then just people will like me, no matter how repulsive I am with them.
Does that make sense? No.
You could be, you know, the most righteous of people, and there will be some people who simply just don't like you that much. Maybe because of it's an issue of personality or what have you. It's possible.
The most righteous man and the most righteous woman in his city doesn't mean that if they marry each other, the marriage is going to be fruitful, and they will stay together. It's not always righteousness, you understand? There are other reasons as well. It's not just it's not just one leg, you need to. So sometimes it is other areas of compatibility. But if they don't have religion and righteousness, that it's incomplete. And if you only have religion and righteousness, but nothing else is incomplete. So you must have both. So this is how you solve all of your problems. Um, just make dua that Allah will save my relationship but not do anything else. It may not be saved like
that. Right? So solving our problems, and I'm going to focus in sha Allah on
marital problems specifically. And everything that I've said so far applies to marital problems. But the issue with marital problems because
he's your mate, he's your she's your wife, he's your husband. You see them all the time. And you're in conflict. You're fighting.
You're pulling in his pulling, you're demanding and he's demanding. It's easier, right? When there's a problem, to simply blame the other person entirely and exonerate yourself. It's not by issue. It's all his fault. It's all her fault. And if both husband and wife if that's what they're doing, it's always the other person and not themselves. They're not going to really be able to be able to reach mutual understanding or a solution. Right? Okay, there's no compromise. As always, it's just
her fault. She's not doing a, b, c and d. But do you see your own faults? No.
Or when she looks at him, it's only him. He's not giving me this or this or that. Okay, do you see that you could be part of that problem contributing to it? Could you see that you could change in ways that helps him? No, it's only him. So every person is simply accusing the other and are willing to compromise and blind to their own faults and mistakes. Nothing.
Okay, will be solved. So the Hadith of the Prophet Alayhi Salatu was Salam tonight is really important because it tells you look inward.
And outwardly, when you're having a problem inwardly first, before you look outwardly, before you say it's them, you have to look at yourself and say, I need to change. So the first step when you want to fix a marital problem, and this is whether you're going through it, or somebody else is going through it and you're giving them advice. The first thing is, don't tell me about the other person is doing a listen to it in sha Allah. But tell me how you are with Allah azza wa jal, because whether you want to fix yourself or you really want to need to fix them, you don't have the strength to do this unless you are close to Allah azza wa jal. So tell me how you are with Allah as a
surgeon, you review your relationship with him, what are you doing that is wrong, you look at yourself, what are you doing that is wrong, stop it. Stop it, if you really want to fix that relationship, if you really want your children to love you, for you to be respected, for them, for you to be able to guide them, or for you to have the best wife or the best husband. Look at your life, look at the right or wrong things that you're doing. And you stop.
And you ask Allah azza wa jal for assistance, look at the obligations that you're ignoring, and neglecting and start doing them.
And that is obviously not enough when you're trying to face up to fix a problem, depending on the severity of the problem. So if the medicine is not enough, you need to increase the dose of the medicine right? So what is that dose greater righteousness, closer to Allah azza wa jal, because you need Allah to fix the problem. So you need greater Do you need more from him. So you have to be in a position for you to act to be accepted, not to reject it, but accepted. So more do more thicker.
More salah, more Quran and more a baddha and you do more of it and you do more of it and you get closer to Allah azza wa jal outwardly, but also on the inside,
you feel closer to him subhanho wa taala. And then when you are better,
and you fix these issues,
Allah azza wa jal will fix those issues for you, and will help you which is Step Step number two,
to improve this relationship,
and you improve this relationship by inspecting how you behave before again, before you're ask the other person to change, inspect how you have behaved, how you may have contributed to this problem, how a behavior of yours or an attitude or a reaction could be escalating the issue.
Because if you could solve it, if you realize there's a problem and you can minimize it, then why not minimize it? Why not make it easier for the other person to repent?
To accept their mistakes to see what is wrong with them by admitting that you also have things that are wrong with you. I'm not saying necessarily you have to go and admit that but you start changing. Oh, you know, I am stubborn.
But what is it gonna make you realize all of this and be willing to change? unless Allah azza wa jal softens your heart because he needs a soft heart. And that softness comes from a bada comes from Allah azza wa jal. So when you know that you are close to him, you know that you will need that you need him, you know that you're nothing without him, he does soften your heart. And when your heart is soft, it's easy to change and admit Yes, I am an imperfect being. So sometimes the I do escalate the situation, sometimes I say the wrong things, I do the wrong things. Sometimes I may not be supportive, sometimes this this this. So when you note your own mistakes, and you start fixing
yourself and you become a more patient person, a more forgiving person, the other person will take note of the will take note of that change.
And if you change if there's any good left in that person, when you change, they'll change as a result even if you don't say a thing.
Right. If you see decency in front of you, what do you how do you act except with more of the similar? But if you see stubbornness,
You will become what?
Stubborn, right? If you JC jealousy or envy,
then you will act in a similar way. If they pull, they're gonna you're gonna pull as well.
If they want to fight, you will fight as well. But if they are forgiving, then you will tend to be forgiving as well. If they are generous, you will tend to be generous as well, as long as there is still morality, and
good and righteousness left in that person. So inspect yourself and how you're behaving and adopt a different strategy. And as we said, it's not the right strategy to simply blame the other and
exonerate yourself. And the fourth step also,
is it's either the third or the fourth steps depending on how you number them.
Look, let go of your ego in the process.
So the more proud and combative a person is, the less likely that they will receive and maintain their love. But let go of your ego and be a humble being. Be a humble servants of Allah subhanho wa Taala and this by the way happens
when you're close to him Subhana wa to Allah because proximity to Allah azza wa jal eradicates arrogance, right, eradicates arrogance you begin to be a humble being because you know that I cannot do anything on my own. With my own strength with my own wit and intelligence, I am nothing. It is only happening through Allah azza wa jal is all a gift from him. subhanho wa Taala so when you become a humble being, and you let go of your ego, and you don't see that Allah owes me, but I Oh Allah azza wa jal, that's the attitude or Allah needs to do this and do that for me. When you say you know, ALLAH given me more, much more than I deserve.
And I Oh, Allah azza wa jal, I'm support, I'm obligated to act in certain ways, not Allah azza wa jal. So, when you eradicate that ego, you will take that feeling. And when you look at people, we also will look at them with that ego eradicated. So, you will not think, right? And there are levels and degrees of that feeling. You will not think that they owe you but you owe them.
Right.
It's not that everybody owes me No, I owe them
layer, oddly enough, see at a Nursey haka.
He doesn't feel that he has obligations that people have towards them, that they need to fulfill it. They need to say salam to me, they need to call me they need to be nice to me, they need to give me he doesn't need anything from them. He also needs it from Allah zodion He sees them as weak human beings. So he wants to give them not take from them.
So he has no ego in that sense. And this is how the Prophet that is Salatu was Salam was like he wouldn't avenge himself personally, but He will avenge the religion of Allah azza wa jal, when that is crossed, right. And that is the opposite of how we behave.
So we become enraged when we are attacked personally, that if somebody comes to you and they say, your mother, is this your father, is this You? Are this you are that that will enrage you, because that's a personal attack. But that would not absurd. The Prophet alayhi salatu salam because he wouldn't see himself as someone who has an ego or how could you cross me How could you say this and that about me? Now his ego is protected because
it's with Allah azza wa jal.
So he can be
easygoing, he can be forgiven, forgiving. And also if you remember, as you come closer to Allah azza wa jal in all of your relationship that Allah forgave you so much.
That as a gratitude, you also need to be forgiving to forgive people.
Well, I cannot forgive him because he said this I cannot forgive her because she did that. A say know Allah azza wa jal forgives me every day and night.
Why am I holding forgiveness?
So because you know what, Allah's forgiveness you can be forgiving? Because you know that Allah has generosity with you. You can be generous, you can kind of redirect that generosity towards other people. Look how much Allah gave me, let me give people your heart would be so big, you would give him give not for their sake but because Allah as God keeps giving you, you see that? You have faults.
And so you will excuse people for having false because you realize that you also have mistakes
And despite that Allah azza wa jal still loves you and cares for you and blesses you, despite all of the shortcomings. So you act in a similar fashion with humanity as well. And you remember their good deeds and their good sides, as you're trying to assess them. You don't highlight and exaggerate all their mistakes, because you hope that Allah azza wa jal, when he looks at you, he doesn't only look at the bad side, but the good side as well. So this is how you learn also to, to look at people, including those whom you're in conflict with.
Yes, they did this, this and that to me, but do they have a good side, if they have a good side, maybe then you could be more objective and looking at them and maybe even more loving and forgiving, because of the good that they still have in them, or they have given to you in the past, you still remember, you're still faithful to what it was in the past. And finally, you will have for them, but you will have for yourself. Because you know, that is what Allah has good wants from you. So maybe somebody was really bad to you. But what how would you want a person to react, or be to that person
is, hey, if I would want to commit that mistake, I really would wish somebody would forgive me. I wish somebody would come and give me advice, I would wish that somebody would come and guide me, I wish that somebody would make dua for me not be quick to condemn me and judge me, but rather, to care for me. So you'd be that person.
Right. So if you're that type of person, it's hard for people to fight with you.
It's hard for you to lose love. And if you lose any type of love, then after you've done all of that, then really it's not a love that you would want in your life because you've done all that you can and you still lost it and it that's a possibility. But this is a way
for us to maintain like love based on the advice of the Prophet alayhi salatu salam that listen, if you want your love to die, then you commit a sin and it will diminish it will decrease. But if you want to maintain love, know that Sin kills it, stay away from it and you got to stay away from the plots of the Shangela Allah Al
hamdu Lillahi Rabbil Alameen so stop here with Neela as of June let me know if you have questions
so a question here. How can someone become more patient what are some ways to increase patience? So
first if whenever you want something Allah subhanho wa Taala you ask him for it. Right? So whenever you want something, ask Allah Allah suited for it. So Allah you say you're a noob and you converse with him. It's not that Allah make me patient and that's it. No, you have a conversation with Allah Azza delea Allah, you know that I don't have patience. In these types of situations. Yeah, Allah, I am asking you to make me more patient. So keep asking Allah and ask him by pleading and kind of introducing the background because the more that you ask like that, the more that you need, feel the need for that quality. So that's one second of all, read about the virtue of patience in the Quran,
in the Sunnah, all the Hadith that are about it,
to remind you of how important it is, and how vital it is in all of your a bodice. So there can be no better without patience, no type of worship without patience, you can stay away from sin without patients. So it's so foundational, and you're a badass that they call it it's half of iman, half of EMA. So if you know they're more likely insha Allah to value that and to want to be more patient. The third is to practice it. So practice more patience. So you could practice more patience through the month of Ramadan that is going to come it teaches you how to be patient fasting, okay? Teach yourself to be patients by saying sometimes with things that are neither halal or haram, no to it.
Okay, so your phone, for instance, if it's really calling you come, come open me and let you say to yourself, I'll stay away from it five minutes
and just train yourself to stay five minutes. That's kind of a type of fasting, then increase that later on for 10 minutes. Can you training yourself to say no? And then 15 minutes and do that with other things that you want? Are you like him? Like, I'm not gonna go out now in five minutes. For instance. I'm not gonna respond to this now in five minutes in 10 minutes. So train yourself to say no to yourself. And the more you do of that, the more likely that you will be able to apply that in Allah azza wa jal to
things that are haram or sit yourself to do something that is good. They could have Allah azza wa jal and you time yourself three minutes, you feel that you want to move, you don't move, you keep doing the good of Allah Allah for three minutes, and then you stop, and you keep doing it until you have enough patience to stay for three minutes, then you increase that for five minutes, then increase that for 10 minutes or you can do that Quran, three minutes, five minutes, 10 minutes, 15 minutes, but you keep increasing and then you have to talk to your body, talk to your soul, to sit and to be quiet. Right?
To be non distracting. So this is how you do it. Insha Allah Allahu Allah and you could think of other strategies as well that Allah could guide you to because you're asking him
when should someone prays too hard? Or is there a set time that one should consider praying? And what are some signs one should look out for after praying? So when should someone pray is Tahara if you intend or if you want to do something you don't I'm not sure about it? Is this good or bad? Or if you have a choice between a B or A, B and C and you're not sure which one is good? Or you're leaning towards one but you don't know if there's good in it now or in the future or not? So the prophets a lot he was sitting them he said either Hummer Hadoken Bill Emery, when one intends to do something, you want to do something before you do it, not after before you do it before you finally
decided you pick one thing yes or no? Yes, a B or C B and you say and you pray that to rock as and then you say the DUA that the Prophet sallallahu wasallam had taught us which is that if this is good for me Allah if you know this thing your life you know that taking this job yeah Allah if you know that marrying this person, yeah, life, you know that the traveling to that country is good for me, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. Bring it closer, if not bad, if it's bad for me take it away from me. So this is how you praise the Hara. How many times do you pray one is enough? One is sufficient, right? But maybe it is so confusing. So you're so
agitated, uncomfortable still after praying one. So you want to do a second you can do a second. Some scholars have said if you want to repeat it, do it up to three times because of this is how much you repeat a DUA, right? 123 times. But the Prophet alayhi salam said once, if you feel the need, they say do it twice if you wish, three, but don't do more than that. Don't more than do more than that. The signs. The only sign that you should look for is ease and difficulty
is in difficulty because that's what you're asking Allah as noted for. You're not asking Yet Allah. Show me a dream, are you?
You're not asking for that. Yeah, Allah azza wa jal send me a, you know, let somebody come and kind of give me or tell me what to do. You know, asking for this. You say Allah, if it is good for me bring it closer, right? And if it's not good for me, take it away. So then you will consider now pursue because he decided, Okay, I'll take this job, let me pursue it, you go for it. And doors are just opening and everything is easy. Hamdulillah you try to go for it. And it's complicated and difficult and complicated and difficult and no doors are closing and it's not pleasant. And he noticed that other things are opening but not this, then you know that difficulty is the cause of
your or the outcome of your job.
The difficulty is the outcome of your job. So if it's difficult to stay away from it, so it's same things with marriage. And this is kind of the the benefit of istikhara because you don't really know so you want to marry so and so you think everything is fine. Your prayers Takara out of nowhere is he complications, or she doesn't want it he doesn't want it they're putting or proposing harder conditions. They're rethinking the issue it's just becoming harder when you see that okay, I pray this to heart offer this then you'll understand if it confuses you, right. Your specific circumstances are confusing ask someone insha Allah and hopefully they'll be able to
guide you navigate that Inshallah, how to restore your connection with Allah azza wa jal and gain his love. Do it first to begin with with as with an intention, with a dua
with more good deeds and fewer bad deeds. So let's start with this. Because otherwise everything else that we were talking about just feeds into that answer. How do you how do you restore your connection? If you feel the need for it, I want it because that's a good intention. So ask Allah azza wa jal for it yeah, Allah azza wa jal one this from you
Help me with this. Y'all I want this from you helped me with that. Okay? A good intention is not enough.
What are you going to do? To fulfill that? To realize it? Okay? One good thing is you can just add to your life and one bad thing that you can take away.
So you decide to do this. So it's not too hard. One good thing
and one bad thing. And withdrawal.
And if you are there is sincerity and if there is persistence that will grow into something bigger than the last subject. So this is how
and that's just the beginning right
Could you please share some tips on spreading love with people who are against Islam and see your practice as alien? Wearing niqab and not freely mixing and are angry about it particle of Okay, so I'm gonna just okay.
So sharing love with people who are against Islam and see your practice as alien. So I'm assuming that they are Muslims. But it doesn't really matter.
Basically, be a kind person.
And they will love you no matter what, because it's natural for everybody to love anyone who's kind to them who's nice. That's it.
Okay, it's so it doesn't matter doesn't matter what they think about your practice, they are going to be able to relate to you personally as the person who's in front of them right now. It's so doesn't matter what you believe it doesn't matter how you're dressed. But if you are nice, and you're extra nice, so if you think that person
let's say for instance, a co worker, right, and you think that they're hostile, or a family member, and they're hostile, be nice, be extra nice. So cook something and give it to them, buy a gift and give it to them, pick up the phone and ask about them. I just chose this for you. I thought of you. Be extra nice talk to them. Salaam Alaikum. How are you doing? Do you need any help this this, this be nice, just be nice. And if you are nice, they will like you. And they're not going to see all these things that they hate about you. But they will see how can you are to towards them. And if that's the case, you're going to start removing some of these obstacles and hurdles that are mainly
in their head. And then they will be able to see those religious practices as enhancing your kindness and your generosity, not an obstacle, right as part of it, not external to it. So I think if you are kind and just consider how the Prophet alayhi salatu salam was with people, right? Even if they were opposed to Islam, kindness of his kindness towards him at a Salatu was Salam. And he was known as a person of impeccable character. They cannot they cannot attack him on that front. If you're that type of person. Really nice, very helpful, accommodating humble, anyone can see it. Right. And hopefully in sha Allah that changes there might be the last. Yeah, Muslims. So if there
are Muslims, it's even easier and easier. If there are Muslims in sha Allah, that kindness of yours will touch their heart. And you just have sometimes to be patient because they have a lot of biases, right hidden biases that they have lived with for a long time, it may take some time to undo them. But no one can resist a good person or kind person no one right? So if you're kind enough, being the last data that will go away.
So probably we'll just have time for one or two more questions. Anyone on the brother side has anything
okay, nothing sisters side thing, okay. Then anything more online?
No, okay, Inshallah, take care inshallah. Zakum Allah here I will see Britain in Azerbaijan next week at the same time Subhanak along with him the shadow Allah He lived and stuff you go to where they come the laudable Alameen Salam Alaikum Warahmatullahi