Ali Albarghouthi – The Disease and the Cure #46- The Danger of Unrestrained Looks & Pornography
AI: Summary ©
The concept of " sight thing" is emphasized, along with the potential harm it can bring to private parts, public health measures, and personal health. The speakers emphasize the importance of following a " sight thing" and avoiding harm, acknowledging the potential for manipulating and miscalculating people, creating a habit of happiness, avoiding projection, and creating a habit of being aware of one's own writing. The problem is that everyone is built on multipleereals and the problem is that everyone is built on multipleereals and the problem is that everyone is built on multipleereals and the problem is that everyone is built on multipleereals and the problem is that everyone is built on multipleereals and the problem is that everyone is built on multipleereals and the problem is that everyone is built on multipleereals and the problem is that everyone is built on multipleereals and the problem is that everyone is built on multipleereals and the problem is that everyone is built on multipleereals and
AI: Summary ©
بسم الله والحمد لله الصلاة والسلام على رسول
الله وعلى آله وصحبه وسلم اللهم علمنا ما
ينفعنا وانفعنا بما علمتنا وزدنا علما رب العالمين
اللهم أعنا على ذكرك وشكرك وحسن عبادتك أما
بعد We have heard Ibn Al-Qayyim رحمه
الله last time explained to us the progression
of sin if you remember how it comes
into a person's life how it infects so
he said the first is a glance the
look and then the thought and then the
step or the speech and then the sin
and we said last time that this is
extremely helpful whether it is for you as
a person who is trying to block away
sin or for a teacher a parent who
is trying to educate his child, his students
on how to stop those sins so when
you know how it starts and it starts
very small you can intervene as we said
last week, we could intervene at every point
but especially at the very earliest of points
which is the idea to fight sin before
it takes hold it's easier then when it's
just a thought or when it's just a
look before it develops into something that is
far more serious and it's then almost impossible
to stop we say almost impossible because it
can always stop so today inshallah rabbil alameen
we're gonna deal with the first station and
that station is the station of the glance,
the looks that a person should control and
Ibn al Qayyim after saying that you have
to be the doorkeeper when it comes to
all of these stations the one who preserves
them and guards them from the intervention of
shaytan he says وَأَكْثَرُ مَا تَدْخُلُ الْمَعَاصِي عَلَى
الْعَبْدِ مِنْ هَذِهِ الْأَبْوَابِ الْأَرْبَاعِ he says sins
typically usually come mostly from into a person's
life from these doors the door of the
glance and then the thought and then the
words and then the act itself فَنَذْكُرُ فِي
كُلِّ بَابِدْ مِنْهَا فَصْلًا يَلِيقُ بِي so we're
gonna devote a chapter suitable to each قَالَ
فَأَمَّا اللَّحَظَاتِ now the glances and that's what
we'll be dealing with inshallah today he says
the glances فَهِيَ رَائِدُ الشَّهْوَةِ وَرَسُولُهَا he says
it is the leader of the desire it's
what leads to desire and it's messenger what
brings it about وَحِفْظُهَا أَصْلُ حِفْظِ الْفَرْجِ and
he says in safeguarding the look is the
foundation of safeguarding the private parts so now
you understand that whether it's for you or
someone that you're trying to educate if you
are trying to protect the private parts trying
to protect from zina or anything close or
related to it or like it you want
to protect yourself there how do you start
now you're not clueless now you understand where
things come from how they progress so how
does a sin develop into a sin he
says take it back to its inception to
its beginning to that seed that makes it
so he says what is it he says
the look you want to safeguard the private
part you have to go back to what
you're looking at that's where the battle begins
that's where the invasion starts so if you
are able to block this to purify it
it is much easier than to protect the
private parts if you are weak with the
first then you are weak with the second
and the third and then you will be
completely defenseless in front of the shaytan who
lets his eyesight loose looking at whatever he
wants or she wants اورد نفسه موارد المهلكات
او الهلكات he says he will lead himself
to ruin meaning you're going to bring this
ruin to yourself you just keep looking at
whatever you want to look at without restraint
without thinking about the benefit and the harms
of what you will see he says you
will lead yourself to ruin he says وقال
النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم لا تتبع النظرة
النظرة he says don't follow a look the
first look with a second look فإنما لك
الأولى the first one is yours وليست لك
الأخرى but the second is not meaning the
first one the accidental you are not accounted
for but the second you are and again
here subhanallah if you just kind of pause
a little bit and think about what the
prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم is saying he's
even breaking down how you look at things
and differentiating between the accidental and the intentional
which is something that we are conscious of
but not conscious of we don't break this
apart in our heads but the accidental is
unlike the intentional so when you're just walking
and you don't have a sinful thought in
your head you're not you're not walking outside
seeking sin directing your head seeking sin and
then you accidentally glance at fall upon something
that is haram and then you look away
now you look away either intentionally because oh
this is haram I'm not going to look
at it you look away intentionally or naturally
meaning because you are not fixated on it
you just happen to simply notice it and
you keep moving right?
but then there's a thought in your head
what did I just see?
that's attractive that's intriguing that's beautiful so now
there is a desire there is some sort
of desire there but the thing is it
will not stay with you because this was
an accidental quick glance meaning you can you
can overcome it it will not leave an
imprint it will not leave much of an
impact it's just an intrigue you're curious what
did I just see?
there was something beautiful there was something haram
there was something curious something interesting so the
first look he's saying that's yours meaning you're
not responsible for it there is no malice
there is no evil behind it you're not
responsible and because you're not responsible it's not
going to harm you as much that if
you were to fight the desire to look
again you're not going to be thinking about
this thing for a long time it will
leave you it will leave you right?
but when you surrender to the urge of
let me just take another look just to
verify just to make sure just to see
how beautiful this thing is says when you
do this that second look and the third
and the fourth is the thing that will
be your demise that will destroy you because
that is going to leave an impact that
will pollute you that will enrage or enliven
your desire and inflame it because now you've
decided to look with intention so that's the
first one there's an intention behind it and
with focus it's not accidental, there's a focus
and it's prolonged it's not brief but you're
looking and examining the details and what is
here what is not there how beautiful is
it?
how attainable is it?
how can I get it?
all these things start developing into your head
so subhanallah the prophet here you know breaks
apart something that in our heads may not
be distinct even though if one were to
ask you you would say yeah yeah I
know the difference between them but I haven't
thought about the fact that I should separate
between them the accidental from the intentional the
innocent from the evil so if you walk
the path of the second and the third
and the fourth look you become a victim
you'll be enslaved by what you see but
if you just leave it to I just
saw this and it's wrong and you keep
walking no good is going to come from
this why do you want to look at
it and you keep walking you're not going
to be thinking about it for long so
you must fight that curiosity that could be
natural in us just to keep looking by
saying to yourself no that is going to
hurt me as we will see and he
says وَفِي الْمُسْنَدِ عَنْهُ صَلَى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَامًا
and this hadith is weak but it's not
without benefit right قَالَ أَن نَظْرَتُ سَهْمٌ مَسْمُومٌ
مِن سِهَامِ إِبْلِيسِ he says the glance, the
look is a poisoned arrow from the arrows
of Iblis فَمَنْ غَضَّ بَصَرَهُ عَنْ مَحَاسِنِ مِرَأَةٍ
whoever diverts his gaze from the beauty of
a female for the sake of Allah azza
wa jal Allah will put in his heart
a sweetness that he will continue to find
till the day that he meets Allah azza
wa jal meaning whoever turns away from looking
at a beautiful woman for the sake of
Allah azza wa jal, instead of that thing
Allah will deposit in his heart the heart
of that man a sweetness that this person
will continue to enjoy until he dies now
we said it's weak but it's not without
its benefit and the first benefit from it
is that to consider any look as a
deliberate act by Iblis to attack you the
haram look because see on the one hand
let's say for instance because he's talking about
a beautiful woman that beautiful woman who's walking
may have no intent at all to misguide
she's just simply beautiful she's wearing the hijab,
she's wearing shoes nothing that she's doing is
inappropriate but the fact is that she's female,
the fact is that she's beautiful so if
you look at her there's no intent on
her behalf to misguide you but who is
trying to misguide you?
Iblis so there is someone who's trying to
harm you, maybe not her but Iblis Iblis
is there and he's gonna use that innocent
what could be an innocent encounter against you
by suggesting, by inspiring by plotting against you
to kill you and if you look at
it as a poisoned arrow mean he's throwing
things at you intentionally intentionally whatever you see
sometimes even when it's not bad he'll twist
it so it'll be bad so he could
use it against you so it's a poisoned
arrow continuously being shot at you and he's
using your eyes for that that's why you
need shields and protection now why did I
emphasize that the person may not want to
harm you but Iblis actually wants to harm
you because if you consider today the fact
that a lot of things out there are
intended to harm you, not only by Iblis
by others as well like what you're seeing
is intended to affect you manipulate you misguide
you, take advantage of you, it's not innocent
a lot of what you see today is
intentional right, it is there to actually misguide
you it is there to actually enslave you
to that desire, so when you consider that,
no this is not innocent then you'll be
smarter hopefully than the people who are trying
to attack you, it's saying it wasn't placed
like an ad is not just innocently placed
in front of you right with a woman,
beautiful woman presenting the product to you that's
not innocent is it there is psychology behind
it and I don't want to over praise
people by imagining that they are all you
know geniuses, no but they try to employ
some psychology in it, what colors do you
like what music do you like what phrases
do you like that's gonna enter your mind
and heart and stay there it's not innocent
so ads are not innocent right articles are
not innocent presentation of information, of news is
not innocent, is it right like when you
know about politics you know that the way
that they present a story and the words
that they use and how they frame it
and phrase it is absolutely intentional in painting
a person as a victim or as an
aggressor right so it's not innocent, so you
cannot just simply now today just look at
things and think they are as they seem,
no there is a whole system designed to
deceive you right so when you look at
it like that you say I don't want
to be a victim, I don't want to
be deceived I don't want to be duped
I don't want to be a victim of
shaitan who is trying to poison me and
all the brothers or the helpers of the
shaitan they are trying to do the same
thing so then you become smarter, you wise
up and you say I'm not gonna make
them manipulate me there is an intention behind
it right and again let's go back to
this example again of that beautiful woman so
what could a beautiful woman at that time
do to entice compared to what they are
doing today, what can she do, dress nicely,
put on some makeup but the makeup that
they had then doesn't compare to what you
have today it can completely transform a person
you will not even know that this is
the real person anymore, completely forget about digital
and you know manipulation and enhancement this is
another total story but just the person if
you look at them and the way that
they could have a person dress today their
makeup is unimaginable compared to what people had
before, so if people before could be tempted,
what do you think about today the level
of temptation today is really high, is really
great right and that is if you just
see a person in front of you, right
the dress, nobody in the past could afford
a dress like the dresses we have today
makeup like the makeup we have today makeup
her hair as we can do today she
could look like something out of this world
how could this not be tempting so the
level of temptation today is much greater, now
add to it any digital manipulation what you
see that you're behind the screen and they're
in front of the screen, what is it
between you is layers and layers of deception
right so think about how much effort they
are putting to capture you and to enslave
you, this person that you may look at,
and I'm explaining this so that when you
see an entertainer someone who is so beautiful,
so glamorous through that digital media you don't
be impressed by it so think about the
team that they have that makes this person
as glamorous and as beautiful as they are
right and think about whether if you were
to meet this person in real life, whether
that would impress you or not because they're
not going to have that team with them
that makes them beautiful, so you know this
entertainer this actor, this actress why do they
look the way that they look what do
they have that a normal person doesn't have,
and then when you start comparing average people
or your wife or your husband to them,
they will never live up why because this
person has a personal trainer right right and
has a nutritionist and has someone who does
their makeup and someone who does their hair
and someone who designs their clothes and someone
who tells them what to say and how
to say it and how to speak, and
there's an accent or speech therapist or a
coach who can afford all of this right
so what you have in front of you
is what, fake really fake and as I
said, if you were to meet that person
in real life and if someone were to
say you, you know, what's your dream I
just want to marry this beautiful woman who
is famous, and if you were to marry
her, you're not going to stay married to
her because she's not the person that you
saw or believed to be but it's that
level of manipulation and it's very intentional, so
when you know it's fake, you're not going
to believe it, right and if you want
to take it a step further now, let's
take it one step further just I want
you to understand how we're living in a
time of fitna and so everything that al
-mulkayyim rahimallah is saying applies much more today
than it applied at the time of Rasulullah
alayhi salatu wasalam though it did apply then,
but today you really have to be watchful
so today the thing that could be a
potential right is AI or artificial intelligence that
is beautiful, but completely fake right, so there
are influencers today, that we already have them
influencers today that are completely AI or manufactured
and they have hundreds of thousands of followers
so there's a female, I'm not telling you
this for you to go and seek them
out but there's an influencer at least, I
know of one an influencer, a female, there's
a team behind her who manufactures the image
manufactures a life oh she likes to go
to the gym she shops here, she does
this she does that, she's beautiful different poses
and she's what?
absolutely fake yet she has followers and then
you think to yourself what are you following
like when someone tells you she goes to
the gym you understand that that's not real
there's no real person behind this oh she
buys this she eats this, she takes care
of her health what are you talking about,
there's nothing they're just making up a story,
what are you following so we're in a
sense we're being really manipulated and we understand
that we're being manipulated and we're fine with
this and I want to push it one
step further also and we're saying that, because
I was just listening to this it says
what happens if people start having girlfriends that
are AI and the level of manipulation and
attachment because it says if you are a
teenager but not even a teenager but someone
who needs love an AI can read you
especially if it's well designed maybe not yet,
maybe now, but if it's really well designed
they can read you and they can be
the sweetest thing and they know what you
need and what you do not need how
to talk to you, they draw you in
this is how they're designed so you would
want to love to talk to them more
than real people and you're so attached to
them more than real people and you get
emotionally hijacked and when you get emotionally hijacked,
it's hard for you to come back so
go back here to what we were talking
about which is what, whatever you are seeing
is intended to deceive you and to enslave
you and to misguide you and if you
know that Iblis is behind it and if
you know that there are some really bad
people or at least unethical people behind it
you say to yourself, I don't want to
be their victim I don't want to be
their lab rat for them to do whatever
they want with me, stay away from this
this is haram, this is wrong, otherwise it
will destroy me the other part of this
hadith we said it's weak, he says if
you turn away from something that Allah azawajal
hates, Allah gives you something beautiful in return
that principle is absolutely right that a person
who's gonna fill his head with filth or
with junk or with garbage has no place
in it for what Allah loves it's crowded
but if you keep the haram out obviously
right there's a place for the halal and
Allah azawajal rewards you for saying no to
something that he hates, he gives you something
better in his place so maybe you'll feel
more of Allah's love more of the sweetness
of ibadah more of a desire to do
good things or at least be protected from
bad ones he continues that the prophet sallallahu
alayhi wasallam said also he said lower your
gaze and protect your private parts and also
he said alayhis salatu wassalam this is a
really interesting hadith and you should think about
how relevant it is today he says he
says beware of sitting in the pathways or
along those pathways the road, pathway he says
oh messenger of Allah, these are the places
where we gather, we have to sit there
so he said sallallahu alayhi wasallam, if you
have to give the pathway, it's right they
say oh prophet of Allah what is the
right, he says lowering the gaze stopping your
harm giving back the salam and in other
narrations that are not mentioned here and commanding
good and forbidding evil so basically what is
this hadith saying he says the prophet sallallahu
alayhi wasallam he says don't sit on the
road and people you know I think we
still have this still today if not in
this city in other cities but maybe in
this city as well so when the weather
is good and there's a way a place
where people can gather around this corner there's
a spot and people can sit together and
they can start talking and that becomes a
popular spot for them to sit and talk
neighbors friends so the prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam
in the beginning he said what, don't sit
there don't sit there and they had a
reason of course for them to gather there
because you can imagine that their homes were
what small their homes were small not as
big as the homes of, even the smallest
home that you have today was bigger than
the homes that they had then so the
homes there weren't big but said oh messenger
of Allah that's where we sit, that's where
we gather that's where we convene, that's where
we talk to each other and we have
to he says if you have to then
you have to fulfill certain conditions for that
to be permissible what are these conditions?
so he began with lowering your gaze because
you're going to see people coming back and
forth back and forth men, women, children you
have to lower your gaze don't harm people
give the salam or reply when salam is
given and the last one we said that
is not mentioned here he says if you
see a mistake you correct it if you
see a mistake don't ignore it, you need
to correct it because you put yourself in
that condition that situation where you're watching everybody
what they're doing and what they're saying this
wallahu a'alam if you want to think
about it this is the closest thing that
they had to being online right though it
is not close but that's the closest thing
because when you go online what do you
see?
all of these things, people coming and going
commenting, talking this person is dressed this way,
this person said that so as if if
you want to let's paraphrase it for today
let's re-imagine it for today as if
the prophet a.s.w. is saying don't
go online isn't it?
don't go online because the same thing don't
go and sit outside he says don't go
online we say oh prophet of Allah but
we have to I need email read the
news right talk to so and so I
need to like there's a level of need
he says if you're going to do this
then do it but only if what?
you lower your gaze you don't harm anyone
right give the reply of salam and correct
mistakes when you see them now if you
say I can't then what?
withdraw right because if they were to tell
the prophet a.s.w. we need to
sit outside but we can't lower our gaze
he says then you can't sit outside right?
isn't it?
and this by the way like if you
actually you, your friends, your family you congregate
and you can't lower your gaze then you're
not supposed to congregate outside like this go
inside if you're going to stay outside you
be responsible so if you're going to go
online he's saying you go online as long
as you can commit to this if you
cannot commit to this or as soon as
you fail you withdraw that's no longer a
space, a safe space for you you're harming
yourself so ghaddul basar is necessary and if
this tells you that it's important to investigate
where are you replacing yourself physically or virtually
because where you put yourself is where you're
going to be drawn your eyes are going
to be drawn to look at and inspect
so if you're sitting in a, physically let's
say, in a innocent, safe, wholesome place, you're
only going to see nice things if you
go to a place that is going to
have a lot of * in it a
lot of nakedness a lot of lewd behavior
a lot of obscenity how can you lower
your gaze?
how can you lower your gaze?
and if it's by necessity you have to
be in a place where has some of
this right?
you go in, you do what you need
and you leave right?
you need to buy something let's say you
go, you purchase, you buy that thing but
you don't linger you're looking around and investigating
and looking at who's dressed and this is
a short thing and this is the latest
fashion and you're just having fun visually, you
don't linger like that where's ghadd al basar?
where's lowering the gaze?
so you're poisoning yourself when you do this
so if it physically matters then it virtually
matters as well what social media app?
who to follow and who not to follow?
how long do you stay?
when do you catch yourself by saying, wait,
wait, what am I why am I watching
it?
like, it's like you've been led to watch
one thing then followed by another and followed
by another and before you know it this
is definitely haram if not wasteful, why am
I doing this?
so as long as the thing is haram,
you have failed in your online existence your
online interaction so remember this and remember that
online life is not real life online interaction
is not real interaction the fact that we
have focused most of our time on our
online activity does not mean that that is
real life and we have to rediscover all
of us as a society to rediscover what
it means to actually live and what it
means to actually have real interactions with people
rather than fake behind screen ones he says,
and this glance, this look is the foundation
of most of misfortune or sins that happen
to come a person's way he says because
when you look at something you develop a
thought and the thought develops an idea and
the idea develops a desire and the desire
develops a will to do something and when
it is determined, the action must happen, unless
something stops it so again he is telling
you and how it develops a look, and
then that develops into a weak thought, then
a stronger thought then a very strong thought,
then a determination and once you are determined
internally to do something, it has to happen,
of course, when you have the urging of
the shaytan, who is going to stop you
then?
you have yourself and the shaytan pushing to
it in the same direction و في هذا
قيل الصبر على غض البصري أيسر من الصبر
على ألم ما بعده he says, that's why
they've said, he says patience with diverting your
gaze is much easier than patience with that
pain that follows unrestrained gaze meaning, restraining your
gaze is painful he says, but compare that
to the pain that you're going to receive
if you don't restrain it he says, it's
easier to stop the evil and its inception
at the beginning rather than after it has
become a problem and he'll explain how it
becomes a problem but he says, if you
deal with the problem at the beginning it's
much easier than the pain is negligible versus
if you let it open and mushroom and
blossom inside of you that's different he said
he does quote a few poets here he
says he says, all sins or misfortune they
happen to begin with a look as most
fire happens from a small spark and he
says, how many looks have entered the hearts
of the onlooker as an arrow that hits
from the string and the bow and he
says, a person as long as his eyes
are looking at the eyes of the beautiful
woman, he is upon danger he says, he
pleases his eye with what poisons or kills
his heart it is not welcome to have
such joy that brings harm so he's saying
he says, you think that it's a simple
innocent look, it's not going to harm you
he says, just like a great fire, it
starts with a spark and you never know
which spark will start that great fire maybe
this look will not harm you that much,
then there's a second one, or a third
one, or a fourth one, one of them,
especially that you've gotten yourself used to looking
you don't have the habit of saying no
to your eyes he says, where's the discipline
so if you said to your eyes, whatever
you want to look at, look at I'm
not you say, I'm not going to do
anything but whatever you want to look at,
look at how harmful can that be he
says, there's going to be one of those
looks that is going to actually penetrate your
heart and you will not be able to
extract it from it, and it will inflame
that fire, the fire of desire and then
the fire of sin and you may not
be able to stop it and he says,
if this thing is bringing you some sort
of joy, some sort of beauty, remember at
the same time that since it is haram
it is bringing you harm it is bringing
you poison to your heart why would you
welcome such a thing into your life and
he said وَمِنْ أَفَاتِ النَّظَرِ أَنَّهُ يُورِثُ الْحَسَرَاتِ
وَالْزَّفَرَاتِ وَالْحُرُقَاتِ he says, from the pitfalls of
that unlawful look or unnecessary, unrestrained look, is
that it brings on frustrations and regrets فَيَرَى
الْعَبْدُ مَا لَيْسَ قَادِرًا عَلَيْهِ وَلَا صَابِرًا عَنْهُ
وَهَذَا مِنْ أَعْظَمِ الْعَذَابِ so, a person will
see what he cannot attain and he cannot
be patient with not having and that is
part of the greatest torment that you will
see what you have no patience to stay
away from and no patience or no ability
to get he says this is torment and
you are tormenting yourself by what?
he says you're looking at something that you
cannot get and you don't have patience to
stay away from, so why are you looking?
and by the way this is not just
about the haram per se but also about
the unnecessary halal that you look at and
it brings that type of regret so, you
are of a particular income a particular status
in society and you're always looking up at
the expensive cars and the expensive brands and
the big homes and the palaces and mansions
that people have and how much they travel,
so when you look at this what does
it bring back?
it is what he's talking about, which is
what?
that frustration and that regret and that agony,
because you are looking at and kind of
producing two things, one you now desire things
that you cannot get you know that you
cannot get those things and you know that
anybody in this world if they just have
unrestrained gaze anyone without exception they will look
at things that they cannot get even the
richest person there are things that he cannot
get, right?
doesn't matter he can look at someone who's
younger than him, he cannot get their youth
back, he could look at somebody he thinks
he's attractive, she's attractive but they're not attracted
to them there are things that you will
never be able to get never, even if
you are the wealthiest person, richest person so
you cannot get it, but now because you're
looking, you're not patient you can't stay away
from it you want it, he says that's
the agony so that that's an agony with
halal but that's an agony definitely with haram
so you look at someone okay can you
marry her?
no the more that you look, the more
that you're attracted the more that you're in
love especially if you don't talk to her
again, can you marry her?
no why are you looking?
why are you tormenting yourself?
are you sane?
that's what you should say to yourself, are
you sane?
like somebody who knows that he cannot afford
this expensive bag, expensive bag unnecessary, lavishly expensive
bag but everyday he goes, you know, in
front of the store and looks at it
isn't that torment?
but you know that you can't afford it
and you know really it's not worth that
much and you don't really need it why
you keep looking at it?
what's the remedy here?
to stop looking even if you're attracted, you're
thinking about it he says basically stop looking
because the more that you keep looking the
more or the sicker it makes you right?
the more you look, the sicker it makes
you so stop looking and if you stop
looking, you will forget you will forget but
you'll agonize in the beginning and he mentions
some poems here that are relevant, he says
you'll agonize in the beginning, but that's fine
if you just are patient with that pain,
it will go away inshallah و قال الشاعر
و كنت متى أرسل تطرفك رائدا لقلبك يوم
أتعبتك المناظر that's the same idea he says
you will see if you have unrestrained glances,
you will see that the thing which you
cannot get all of it, and you cannot
be patient to stay away from so he
says why the torment?
قال و كم من أرسل لحظاته فما أقلعت
إلا وهو يتشحط بينهن قتيلة he says how
many people have let their eyesight loose their
eyes loose, and what they brought them, killed
them figuratively, he says يَنَظِرَ مَا أَقْلَعَتْ لحَظَاتُهُ
he says when you look at things and
your gaze had caused your death or your
killing you are twisting in your blood, that's
the image قال ولي من أبيات he says,
and I have these verses of poetry قال
مَلَّ السَّلَامَةَ فَغْذَتَتْ لحَظَاتُهُ وَقْفًا عَلَى طَلَلٍ يُظَنُّ
جَمِيلًا he says he is tired of safety
so he looked at a ruin he looked
at a ruin that he thinks is beautiful
and he continued to look at it until
that killed him and he is twisting turning
in his blood what's interesting, subhanallah is when
he said here, مَلَّ السَّلَامَةَ he is tired
of safety he is bored and that is
another reason why people look which is what?
boredom why do we go online?
most of the time, right?
it's not that right because we need it
to be honest, right?
and if you really want to separate the
time when you are doing actually positive work
good work that needs you to be there
versus a time where you just aimlessly drifting
here and there, right?
and watching whatever what is the reason that
you are looking?
it's that, boredom right?
it happens with that there is no intention
there is no purpose, it's just boredom and
the problem with that is that if you
are bored and you are just kind of
launching into this world without an objective, without
a framework without parameters you are going there
innocently but the person on the other hand
or whoever is on the other hand is
not really innocent again, you are being used
there is an intention on the other side
but you are just open to anything, just
show me anything just make me laugh the
latest prank, the latest trend, the latest fact,
just show me something right?
and you think it's just normal, it's not
normal, you are being manipulated right?
and there is an algorithm that is playing
with you and is taking advantage of you
and is making money off of you and
you are the product and you are being
consumed, you are not consuming, you are being
consumed, they are making money and you think
it's innocent, and it's not innocent and you
never should think of it as something that
is innocent, with every frame with everything that
you are seeing you are being studied right?
you are being studied and you are being
manipulated there is someone behind so here is
where you have to deal with boredom if
you are bored, what do you do?
and that's the question that you have to
answer, like if I am bored what do
you do?
do you read?
do you eat?
do you exercise?
do you talk to your friends?
or if you are going to go online
is it a deliberate, careful foray into that
online world or is it aimless?
if it's aimless you are going to see
something haram and your mind is going to
rot seeing all those mindless activities but if
it is intentional it's very different, I am
going to listen to this I am going
to watch this, you know whom to follow
and what do you want from them and
you know that I am there for this
and once it's done I am gone so
it has to be deliberate cannot be just
simply I am bored and boredom by the
way is a killer you know that people
commit acts of haram just because they are
bored right?
just because they are bored what do we
do?
let's steal something exciting exciting right?
let's harass this person let's bully them, why?
exciting online or in real life exciting try
something new some of them right?
would have zina why?
I was bored it's boredom seriously it's just
boredom like just bored so they do this
right?
they will sleep with someone because they are
just bored just boredom so you got to
engage yourself, engage your mind and be careful
not let this give that place to the
shaytan another another verses
he says also the composition of nuqayyim he
says the one who is trying to look
at things this beautiful woman let's say, he
says you are the one who is being
killed so don't throw these arrows he says
and then you are sending it to bring
you something which is bringing you a cure
it is actually bringing you harm and he
says he says what is more marvelous than
that he says that the look will injure
the heart and he will keep looking and
injuring his heart and that continuous injury does
not stop him from repeating those looks and
he says here he says you continue to
look one look after the other following every
beautiful man or woman and you think that
this is the remedy to your injury and
indeed it is an injury upon injury so
you slaughtered your you slaughtered yourself with these
looks so the heart now is suffering because
of it and here he is pointing here
to something interesting which is what?
a person especially as you progress towards the
end when it comes to love it applies
to everything else too he says when a
person you know looks at someone and they
adore them they are beautiful and they say
I am in love with them and that
look is haram and as far as they
they know when I am away from them
I am tormented by the fact that I
cannot see them I need to look at
them because that is the only thing that
will bring comfort to my heart otherwise I
am in distress so they will say let
me just look at them again because if
I look at them again that will give
me nourishment that will give me comfort just
looking at them is the greatest thing that
I can imagine so he is saying your
heart is suffering your heart is suffering you
think by that by repeating these looks you
are curing your heart no you are adding
to its suffering you are adding to its
injury you are killing it so it goes
back to what we said if there is
something wrong with what you are looking at
the remedy to it is to stop looking
not to think like let me take a
second look that will give me more comfort
give me more beauty like let me just
look at this haram again and after this
I won't do it again right?
let me just take another look and once
I am satisfied I am not coming back
to it he says who are you fooling
it is easier to stop after the first
look it is easier to stop after the
second look before the third you don't say
let me just do this haram and once
I am done with it I am done
like this is my last haram he says
no that is not going to be true
it is going to plant it even firmer
in your heart and it is going to
make your heart sicker because of it and
you are more likely to remember it and
to haunt you again and again and again
if not now when you are weak because
sometimes when you are strong and things are
ok in your life you are fine but
when you are really down the shaytan will
come and attack and remind you and bring
all of these images you remember that thing
that you used to love the thing that
you used to do the thing that used
to give you joy the thing that used
to distract you so you don't have to
think about this terrible thing that is happening
to you just give it another glance just
give it another try just you know engage
in it again and you will do this
because you have what memory so the more
you enhance your memory of that haram it
is easier to come back to it so
he is saying your heart is sick you
are in love with someone that you cannot
marry but you know this could include anything
could cover anything so you are in love
with this and you want to keep looking
at it that is your sickness you have
to stop looking don't deceive yourself by saying
that this is my remedy and since we
are looking about talking about looks right you
know one of the greatest ills that we
have today is * right and the people
who stand behind it the one who you
know design it make it publicize it what
have you I mean we can say on
the one hand that they have an evil
intent to destroy society but if you ask
me to prove it I don't know how
to prove it I know the shaytan wants
this but I don't know how to prove
that but at least what we can all
agree to and it is demonstrable and it
is a fact is that they want to
make money isn't it no one is going
to dispute this someone has a website they
don't want to make money they want to
make money good at your expense even though
you are the victim even they know that
you are the victim and I want us
to understand this so that you understand that
this is we know that it is not
innocent but how vile it is how destructive
it is and you don't think about it
so this person just like tobacco the people
who are selling tobacco cigarettes they knew that
they were killers they sold it anyway it
means that they didn't really care about you
right they are going to make it as
addictive as possible for you to continue to
buy it and they are going to hide
that fact and they are going to promote
it in the best possible ways they will
hire actors, actresses, singers what have you those
who will write the best songs in order
for us to deceive you into thinking this
is beautiful for you to buy it and
they know it is killing you and they
don't care whether it is killing you or
not they just want the money those who
produce * and promote it they know what
it is doing to you and they don't
care really about you because what they want
from you is your attention and your money
and if they have it, damn you it
doesn't really matter and they will take advantage
of the next generation and the next generation
and the next generation so the harm there
is that you are the victim and you
are giving them the opportunity to use you
and what are they doing to you is
reprehensible and again it is not innocent there
is nothing innocent in it but it is
designed and one thing there that is by
design is if you visit a website any
website by the way, good or bad what
is the thing that that website maker wants
from you is to stay on the website
as long as possible this is how they
make money these are the ads so if
you stay long enough the longer you stay
the better and not only how long you
stay they want you to keep coming back
so the person watches * and there is
this dopamine effect and that dopamine effect means
that when you see something new that newness
of it elevates dopamine so it gets secreted
so you feel this high and now you
have reached a new threshold with dopamine and
you can go and you can search this
there are people who have said this better
than I do you have reached a new
threshold a new high with it so that
is the only thing that is going to
make you happy so regular human interaction doesn't
rise to that level do you play do
you know people who play video games and
they just can't really interact with people in
real life because nothing is as loud as
intense as fast so now being married to
a regular person is not as attractive because
it doesn't give you that newness, it's not
novel not new so it destroys your ability
to have normal relationships emotionally ok when it
comes to your mind comes to your heart
and also physically like physically you will not
be able to be with them because repeated
* viewing leads to erectile dysfunction you won't
be able to physically be with them and
some experts have said we have people who
are in their teens 19, 20 they have
erectile dysfunction they are not in their 40s
and 50s so if a person has this
they are trapped there is a way out
of it but they are trapped because on
the one hand they are addicted and on
the other hand they can't physically be with
a person so they decide to themselves I
can never get married I want you to
understand how sinister that is I can never
get married I have to live alone for
the rest of my life just be trapped
with this so that's one thing that happens
but in addition to it is what?
so you have this dopamine rush so you
have to keep seeing things that are new
and people over there who design it they
understand that you need to keep seeing new
things and to experience new things so they
will put next to whatever this person was
watching another thing that pushes the envelope a
little bit to the side and then once
he sees it and in the beginning he
says what is this?
that's strange, that's odd, that's this but if
it increases their attraction or hormones he'll take
it and then they'll put another thing and
then another thing and then another thing and
before he knows it and usually it's he
but it could be she before he knows
it he has gone down a path where
he is committing or at least thinking about
the vilest of things he would never have
done that before but it is this poisonous
* that introduced him to it right?
and there was once a man writing it
says * destroyed our family and I read
the title I thought to myself is he
exaggerating?
like what is *?
and how did * destroy his family?
I didn't understand the link then he said
right after he said that it led to
my father engaging in child * and molestation
and he says it's because of this because
he was addicted to it and he didn't
start out like that he didn't start out
like this but one thing led to the
other and then led to it and then
led to it because you're always seeking new
things new exciting things until ultimately you find
yourself or he finds himself doing these things
and he got arrested the family got destroyed
the mother divorced him the family broke up
it's this so it's really vile and they
know what they're doing and it doesn't really
matter to them and it affects all of
society not only those who watch it right?
it affects women as well they say even
if they are not consumers but because it
starts to pervade culture like you understand *
is mainstream like comedy is * expressions are
* mainstream movies reference * so it's mainstream
right?
in the vernacular and how people talk and
how they act he says also women who
either see these things not necessarily consume them
but they know what men are attracted to
they begin to mimic whatever they see over
there in their speech, in their behavior and
how they dress they become * in their
acts because they think that's attractive so it's
ruining men ruining women ruining society as well
so a person who has not gone into
this world, don't get addicted to it because
it's an addiction do not get addicted to
it keep yourself safe it will deprive you
of relationships of having a good wife a
good husband, of children it will deprive you
of marriage and anything that follows and if
a person is addicted to it, there's a
way out there's a way out it may
take some time it may take a lot
of dua a lot of patience just like
any other addiction if you can stop smoking,
if you can stop drugs if you can
stop these things you can stop that, there's
a way out but it all goes back
to what you look at and if you
can stop looking at the little bit of
haram then * is not even an option
for you so don't slide into that behavior
so we'll stop here let me know if
you have questions next week we're going to
be talking about the thoughts and that is
a lengthier chapter but it is really important
and there's some important points in it so
that's going to be next week let me
know if you have questions yeah go ahead
so someone is looking at you without your
knowledge could he envy you?
and that's a physical person present yeah they
can whether you know or not they can
affect you with hasad, with envy by that
look does that answer your question?
yeah?
okay I have a few things here what
is the quick remedy for a sick or
diseased heart for those who have been involved
in haram look or enjoying looking at other
people's happiness through social media which impacted the
person to anxiety other than stop looking so
I mean if you're looking at remedies always
one of the quickest thing is dua one
of the most important things is dua if
you recognize that you're doing something wrong and
maybe you don't have the ability to stop
it what do you do?
so what's the first step?
the first step is to ask Allah azawajal
and to make it a habit of asking
Allah meaning like not I just ask once
and I'm done like to continuously keep asking
Allah azawajal for it just like you want
this job how often do you ask for
it?
you want to graduate for instance and you're
finding some difficulty in your studies how often
do you ask for it?
so things that you want but it's not
coming your way how often do you ask?
you ask a lot so you take advantage
of the opportune most virtuous times for the
acceptance of dua so you have Fridays you
have nights you have between adhan and iqama
in your sujood so you take advantage of
that and you ask Allah azawajal sincerely and
you keep asking Him subhanahu wa ta'ala
for it now you say ok what other
things other than looking try to devise alternatives
so instead of saying to yourself well I
will not look well I mean you're not
going to sit doing nothing what will you
do instead?
so instead of not looking so for instance
suppose that you always go online between hour
A and hour B so if you want
to limit that what will you do instead?
will you go outside?
will you exercise?
will you read a book?
will you engage in a habit?
or what will you do?
so plan something else to take away from
that time that you spend doing things that
are not pleasing to Allah azawajal and don't
be alone because that's when it typically happens
don't be alone and if you see as
the questioner here said that people are enjoying
something happy or they're experiencing some happiness if
you see that and it's causing you pain
causing you anger, causing you envy immediately make
dua for them like a lot of dua
for them not just ya Allah may Allah
bless them and move on keep making dua,
may Allah bless them may Allah preserve that
ni'mah for them may Allah increase his ni'mahs,
may Allah protect them from all envy, may
Allah until you find that all the things
that you had in your heart are gone
so you're not resisting the fact that they're
enjoying that ni'mah begrudging the fact that they
have been blessed, so when you do this
and asking may Allah protect them from the
harms of that thing that they just got
and may Allah azawajal you know give them
this and you're gonna pray for yourself, pray
for yourself but rest assured that whatever you
prayed for them Allah azawajal also the angel
is gonna say ameen to whatever you also
have said to that they be blessed with
so if you start with dua and then
designing your time best Allah alam, that is
the first step bithnillah azawajal how to develop
yaqeen yaqeen develops through knowledge and develops through
action so the more that you learn the
more that you read the Quran the more
that you read the sunnah and you know
them in detail and then you take all
that and you produce it in actions meaning
in ibadah the greater your yaqeen is, so
continue with your ibadah and continue with seeking
knowledge and ask Allah azawajal for it bithnillah
azawajal does having connection with the Quran release
dopamine also, anything that pleases you gives you
dopamine, like this is why you become happy,
why you become excited anything but levels vary
so when you really read the Quran and
you enjoy it, yes it does when you
play sports, yes when you eat chocolate, yes
so various things do that so if you
are connected to the Quran and you absorb
it, of course the happiness that you feel
will be linked to it inshallah does that
same apply to reading romance and what you
talked about, if so why so I would
say so so I mean reading romantic novels,
is it haram?
on the basic level of it on the
basic levels of it you're fine, basic levels
of it but then think about how often
are you spending reading those things how is
it affecting you, how is it changing you
and are you reading something to counterbalance that
as well so if the only thing that
you are reading is romance novels, then your
head is what corrupted with ideas of love
and what love is and how this person
who is writing that novel defines romance so
you think to yourself the way that they
describe men, the way they describe women, how
love develops, is that real is that something
that you should expect, find the flaws that
are in it because again, it's designed, it's
fabricated, it's fiction fiction is what?
fabricated do things like that happen in real
life?
often not, even the person who is writing
about it, just go investigate who they are,
are they even married are they even in
love, how many times have they been divorced,
are they really happy are they writing about
things that they believe in, or writing about
things that sell right it's things that sell
so just think about it's an artificial construction
so if you're just immersing yourself in this
artificial instruction, your mind is also artificial, it's
trapped so you need to kind of demolish
that artificial building, and look at things as
they are, and to do this you need
to read non-fiction, or at least if
it's fiction, fiction that is based on, is
uncorrupted, unpolluted fiction it's instructive fiction where you're
learning something that is wise right that reproduces
for instance you know, biographical incidents of someone's
life, even if there is some enhancement, but
at the same time it's not very corrupting,
it's not very artificial, so I would say
that creating romance novels especially when excessive is
bad, when it's the only thing, it's bad
right if there's a balance, I'm not going
to say it's haram but you have to
always be aware that you're reading something for
fun and for entertainment it's not real don't
expect it to be real, don't expect your
man, your women, to act in that way
this is not real it's
a good question, and I don't know if
there's always one answer that fits all he
says, how do we balance between avoiding hasad
and speaking about the ni'mah that Allah azawajal
had given us so he says, a person
could have a newborn, and some people tell
him, don't share anything about him because what,
there's hasad and on the other hand, he
says speak about the ni'mah of Allah azawajal,
I think there's moderation, and there's excessiveness, but
also a person a person may side on
like side with caution more than more than
being open but anyway, there is moderation, and
the moderation is if you were to share
it I would say, share it with family
share it with friends you know how the
prophet s.a.w. says when you see
a good dream relay it convey it to
someone that you love someone who loves you,
right?
because they're not going to misinterpret it they're
not going to be envious of it, as
Yaqub s.a.w. said to Yusuf you
know, don't tell this dream to your brothers
even though it's a good dream, right?
but he said, don't tell it to your
brothers he'll be envious of you, so if
you know that the person is good you
have family, who are not going to be
envious, they're not going to hate that this
happened to you, share that with them if
you put it online I'll be against that
don't put it online, because anyone could see
it you have a newborn, Alhamdulillah Rabbil Alameen,
this person had been struggling for 20, 30
years to have a child couldn't, he looks
at you child, not his intention you sign,
the next day he's sick, it's not his
intention, but it's just, it's human nature so
I think maybe, that is a good line,
it says, do it with those whom you
love and you trust, now publicize it, that
everybody can see it because Al-Hasad is
true, it's real what about the addiction to
anime, is it not necessarily haram to watch
anime, but it's wasting too much time, is
wasting too much time on it haram, the
same thing the same thing so anime, right,
anime, the problem with anime, of course, I'm
not an expert but there are people who
have written on anime anime is based, there's
also they've said there's some shirk in anime,
spirits, gods this and that, but even if
we say that that's not the case, the
problem with anime and a lot of things
of that nature is built on fantasy a
lot of it is built on fantasy built
on magic magical type of thinking the problem
is that if you develop a child like
that and they grow up watching it their
mind is expecting this magical things to happen
fantastical things to happen and if they are
addicted to it if that is their world
it's hard for them to interact with people
it's really hard for them to interact with
people and the way that they think about
society about their life, is it's in those
terms in magical thinkings like, they'll be withdrawn
they'll expect great things to happen to them
but they will not know what to do
about it, but they'll just imagine, just like
in anime you're this shy, this is a
common theme this shy young boy, young female,
and somehow something magical happens to you, and
you can fight demons and you can fight
this, and you are the person who will
save this universe and everybody depends on you
and everybody now loves you but how did
this happen?
You don't know but you just simply, what?
you kind of withdraw and you wait for
it to happen and there's fantastical things but
things are not connected, you don't do things
in order to the outcome to happen, it
just somehow falls into your lap, so wasting
too much time on it is definitely a
problem but being affected and shaped by it
is the greater problem is the real greater
problem and not that this is necessarily connected
to it, but there is a there's a
group, a category of men, and maybe that's
something that we need to kind of develop
and talk about there's a category of men
in Japan that are like hermits they just,
I don't know what their name is if
you remember their name, tell me they have
a specific name to them, it's just hard
to remember they're just home all the time,
they just play video games, watch anime, do
this they don't interact with people outside society
at all and it's not just one or
two we're talking about thousands of people and
their parents do not know what to do
with them, and they're not like teens twenties,
thirties he just cannot function outside the house
so you must understand there's something in the
culture that is creating this and it's not
an individual thing, because it's a phenomenon so
can it be attributed to this?
I think to an extent it can this
question will take too long Islamic concept of
predestination and free will coexist for you just
simply know the following Qadar, first of all,
is one of the secrets of Allah, so
don't dwell on it too much affirm a
few things and you'll be fine would Allah
ask you to do things and punish you
for them if you had no free will?
would that be just?
he will tell you pray and you have
no will whether to pray or not and
punish you because you did not pray would
that be justice?
absolutely not so you know that you have
free will if I tell you stand and
you refuse, that's free will no one can
impose anything on you so you have free
will predestination, do you not know or not
believe that Allah knows everything that you will
do?
of course he does, that Allah creates everything?
yes, do you believe this and that?
yes, stop, that's enough we don't have time
now to go into it, but this is
really sufficient so he says movies, social media
and shows have really distorted people's expectations of
life and relationships, it's a great poison and
we need to deprogram ourselves and deprogram our
children I think this is it maybe we
have the first question about celebrating thanksgiving or
not celebrating thanksgiving inshallah, I will defer that
to somebody else so anyone who is sitting
here do you have anything inshallah you want
to add?
you're good?
I'm sorry just
the first part what are the practical ways
of interacting with women for a man in
the masjid or school and work and what
have you muslim or non muslim you lower
your gaze especially like in the masjid or
among muslim women who will understand this you
lower your gaze as often as you can
and you are not alone with them and
you talk to them as needed, as necessary
and once that's done, you separate so you
don't engage in idle talk and unnecessary chatter
you just talk about what you need to
and then you finish it and you leave
inshallah and you try to maintain that as
much as you can with also non muslim
women so you keep a distance you keep
respect you're never alone with them and you
try to minimize unnecessary chatter unnecessary talk with
them and inshallah you hope for the best
as long as that is there, as long
as there is respect but there are certain
things that you never cross which is what?
you're never really alone with them, you never
touch you always maintain respect and you don't
engage in intimate talk or something that could
lead to intimate talk so if you do
this inshallah hopefully you're within the safe parameters
so we'll see you inshallah next week subhanakallah
wa bihamdik ashhadu an la ilaha illa anta
astaghfiru wa atubu ilayk walhamdulillahi rabbil alameen assalamu
alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh