Depression Causes, Treatment, & Prevention #02

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Ali Albarghouthi

Channel: Ali Albarghouthi

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Episode Notes

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


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Smith, Manoj Rahim Bismillah he will hamdu lillah wa Salatu was Salam ala Rasulillah, who ala alihi wa sahbihi wa salaam

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Salaam Alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh.

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This is the second episode

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in our series on depression causes treatment and prevention.

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And we asked a lot of Alameen to make this a blessed effort. And that many, many people find benefit in it. I mean, Allah azza wa jal reward us for it, I mean, your herbal Allah mean.

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So today in sha Allah,

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we're going to be focused on the treatment aspect of depression. And since depression is multi causal, meaning it's caused by many factors, multi dimensional, we need several models to be able to deal with it in sha Allah. So we'll be talking about something like setting goals, being more religious, about dealing with trauma loss failure.

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So for that, insha Allah, we're trying to, we're going to try to be as comprehensive as possible.

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And I hope for that reason, Inshallah, that you're not going to find it overwhelming.

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If you do, I would ask you to simply just sit back and absorb what you can from this. And you don't need to know all of this, you don't need to do all of this, the only thing that you need to know in sha Allah is select from what are we going to be talking about what benefits you what is relevant to all of us, to you

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pick from that the keys to the solution in sha Allah. So please don't feel overwhelmed, just sit back, relax, and absorb what you can. And note the things that speak to you. That should be the focus in sha Allah and then you can replay this in sha Allah later for added benefit for now just sit back and relax in sha Allah.

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Now also as a side note,

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in terms of taking medicine, because we are talking about treatment, so if someone were to ask taking antidepressants is this is something recommended or not my opinion.

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And you can do your own research and ask the experts around you. But if you ask me about my opinion, I do not recommend them, especially as the go to solution. As soon as you think. Or somebody tells you that you are depressed, you immediately resort to taking antidepressants. And the reason is that first, they are not a permanent solution.

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Second, they have serious side effects, including suicidal thoughts. So you're trying to take or treat something by creating another problem, and it does interfere with your brain chemistry.

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And I'm not going to go into how pharmaceutical companies push these products and how many people are what how many people are really overmedicated, we'll leave that in sha Allah to a future series. But for now, focus on the fact that they are not a permanent solution.

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Whereas cognitive therapy, and I'll explain what that means cognitive therapy

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is as effective as taking medication for treating mild to severe depression. So if cognitive therapy which does not have side effects, is as effective. Why resort to medication if you can do without it. And eventually you will have to do without it if you want to live a normal life.

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So that's my thoughts on it. And as I said, you can do your own research in sha Allah, but cognitive therapy, what does that mean? Right? It is changing how we think about something about a situation about our life. And as you think it has changed the way you think

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you feel better about it. So how you look at a problem, how you analyze it, how you look at yourself, how you judge yourself and your actions. If you improve the way that you think you prove your mood, and you can exit from depression that is basically in a nutshell, what cognitive therapy is.

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And in contrast to it, there is behavioral therapy and that is practical steps behavior that you adjust and more modify in order to improve your mood. So

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So for instance, if we say, Don't watch too much TV, don't be consumed by social media, exercise, meet friends, scheduled scheduled beneficial activities, don't do this but do that, that is behavior that affects your mood, and also could help with depression. So in sha Allah, you will notice that our approach today will emphasize both

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cognitive meaning how we think how we process ideas in the world around us, but also behavior as well that can have an effect on changing our moods. So both of them complement each other.

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Now, let me begin by

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a story and that is the story of Yunus prophet Yunus Alayhis Salam because I want to use his story as a model, and I want you Inshallah, to keep it in mind as a model for whatever ails you whatever you go through. Remember, Prophet Yunus le Salam, and you see the benefit there. Why Allah azza wa jal told us that story.

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So you know the story of Prophet Yunus when he was swallowed by the whale, and he's now and imagine with me, he's now in the belly of the whale in the depths of the sea,

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complete and utter darkness. And there is no possible way that he can escape it. He can escape the whale, and he can swim his way out of that sea.

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So there's only one who can help him.

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He's completely helpless was only one who can help him and that is Allah azza wa jal. So that is a physical darkness. Now as someone who is depressed if you remember what we said last week, someone who depressed feels like as if they are trapped in darkness and they cannot escape. So there is like a parallel and a similarity between this story and the feeling that a depressed person may have.

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And how did you initially salaam escape from there

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is by repeating La ilaha illa Anta Sapan aka in the country in Alimi.

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Allah azza wa jal inspired him to say this La ilaha illa Anta Subhana Allah in the Quran to mean Avadi mean there is no God except you there's no one worthy of worship except you, your Allah glory be to you. I was among the wrongdoers.

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And Allah azza wa jal says when it Jaina homina, l'homme See, we saved him from distress.

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We saved him from distress, that is physical and emotional, psychological distress. So even write ourselves when we find ourself in distress. This and similar words like that can save us, you and us was in a physical hardship. But whether your hardship is physical or psychological and emotional, that distress Allah as you can see from it. So I want you to remember this image. And also I want you to remember something about Prophet Yunus. Allah He said, is that when he came out from the belly of the whale,

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he was very frail and weak. And Allah azza wa jal mentions in the Quran and there is a sunnah that Allah azza wa jal so it can send him food, so milk and yuck theme and pumpkin family of,

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of food

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so that he can eat and be nursed back to health. So someone who is suffering also from depression is also as he is struggling with this and as he's trying to exit, she's trying to exit from that state. They're also frail and weak and bruised and tired. So what I would rather recommend insha Allah if it is you who's trying to medicate yourself through Islamic medication, the Quran and the Sunnah and beneficial knowledge.

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The way that you should treat yourself is with kindness

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of who you're trying to help somebody go through this Be kind, it doesn't mean that we don't try to push them or push ourselves towards what is beneficial, but it just depends on how you push push with kindness right and be gentle right. So you can push but push as we said with kindness and with love and with compassion. So, both of these images inshallah I think are beneficial and one is to keep them in mind.

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So I want in sha Allah begin talking about treatment by focusing inshallah on the first thing, and the most important thing is a return to Allah azza wa jal and that is so very important. I cannot overemphasize it.

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And that is a distinctive factor between Islamic therapy or let's call it Islamic psychology, if you will, and secular psychology or secular therapy, that Allah xojo is pivotal and treating our illness, whatever that illness might be treating our hardship, whatever that thing might be.

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So, I could be a person who was distant from Allah Zoji. Or I could be a person who was close to Allah azza wa jal, and yet I got depressed. So if I was distant from Allah,

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right.

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And by distant I mean that I was in praying I was committing major sins, Allah azza wa jal is not

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part of my life, still Muslim, but not part of my life. The fact that I'm distant from Allah azza wa jal is the breeding ground, a fertile ground for depression and anxiety because the shaitan has a space to roam.

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And for that Allah azza wa jal says in the Quran woman out of the decree for in Allahumma Isha townebank case is the one who turns away from my remembrance will have a difficult life.

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And Allah azza wa jal says in another area in the Quran and emulous it has been decades in our own Well, who am Amin Falanghina, who Hayato Eva if you do righteous deeds, whether you're male or female, and you are a moment you will have a good life, Allah had promised that he will give you a good life. That is true in the Hereafter, but it's also true as well here.

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So when we're distant from Allah,

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our life will be more depressed and more anxious. And don't say no, you hear that sometimes don't say that. Well, look at how the non believers right or the kuffar, you know, are so happy compared to Muslims who are so miserable. That's really a simplistic way of looking at it. If you look at many COFA they do have a lot of problems. I mean, if you look at consumption of alcohol, if you look at pornography, if you look at gambling, if you look at excessive consumption of entertainment, plus all the medications that they're taking, all of these are signs of souls that are suffering and we ask Allah azza wa jal, you know, to guide them all to Islam, and guide us as well you know, to what

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pleases Him so that we are not suffering.

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So it's a simplistic way when you look at it and say, All the kuffar having fun with that have fun has a price, and it has it takes a toll on their souls. So if I was a person who was distant from Allah azza wa jal, and I got depressed, there's no escaping the fact that you need Allah azza wa jal to overcome this. If I were someone who was close to Allah meaning I prayed I unread the Quran, I was trying to be good, yet I got depressed because of something that was happening in my life.

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It happened because you and I were overwhelmed by this thing that has happened to us.

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And it overwhelmed our email.

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And so I need more proximity to Allah to be closer to him. So that my Eman will be even stronger than that thing that overwhelmed me.

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So so so you lose somebody, let's say you lose a job or something, something happens and you become depressed because of it. Even though you were reading the Quran, it means that he we need to do more to combat that thing that overwhelmed us. So in either case, we need Allah xojo

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to treat depression.

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And it's a fact. And it's a reality and it's really important. And I know that if you're struggling with this at this moment, or you know somebody who is it may be hard to convince you and I that we need to be a get closer to Allah azza wa jal because maybe you've decided that this is too much. This life is too much nothing is going to work. I don't want to try anymore. So when you hear somebody telling you, we need to come back to Allah azza wa jal, that in itself seems like a lot of work and maybe you've decided it's not going to work anyway. But the good thing about all of this is what

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it doesn't demand much from you and me. Let's remember what Eunice Alehissalaam said, What did he say? La ilaha illa Allah Subhana Allah in your two minute Bali mean you can just simply say this and keep repeating it.

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You can say it in Arabic You can say it in English you can say that nor in your own language so that you can relate to but just say that or simply say a stuffy Allah stuff your Allah stuff your Allah hula, nothing else. Just say that. And if you say to yourself, it's not going to work.

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Or somebody tells you if you suggest that it's not gonna work.

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Ask yourself, are you confident and certain 100% that if you do this, that it's not going to work? Just objectively ask yourself? Are you really confident that that thing is not going to work?

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And the answer is, cannot be. I'm not absolutely confident, I'm not 100%. Maybe I'll say, Oh 90%. Now, it's not going to work. But maybe there's a tiny possibility, the back of your head, that I could try something. And it could work, especially that I don't want to feel like this. And I don't want to be that person who's depressed. Maybe this could work. So if it could work, even if you say it's just a 10% chance, or a 5% chance, try it. What are you going to lose? Nothing at all.

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At best, it's going to work and Insha Allah, your life will improve. At worst, you're not going to lose anything. So try it. But something as simple as saying a stuff for Allah and repeating it, or La ilaha illa Anta Szczepanik inequitable and repeating that will help you with Nilla Zoa gel. And as it could take us La Silla from the belly of the whale, the depth of the sea into safety, it could do something similar to you and me. So there's always hope. And we will be talking about hope. Insha Allah will Allah mean, now, if you're a person who is suffering from depression, but you have depression, but you have the desire, or the ability to do more than simply repeating is too far. And

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it's too far, by the way, this is for everybody, it will be helpful. But if you could do more, I'll suggest more in sha Allah when we talk about prevention and maintenance. But for now, I'm going to stick to what I have recommended the decree of Allah as origin and if you can add to it to art and to keep asking Allah, you'll find that your mood will change. And you are basically asking Allah for help Allah azza wa jal will never turn you down. Just believe in that. But let's continue in sha Allah, I hope that you will find more benefit in sha Allah as we proceed.

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The other one also the other the second stage, let's say or that the other treatment that we've been suggesting is

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decreased materialism, decreased attachment to this life.

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Why are we seeing this because when you get depressed or anxious, this is the soul's reaction, it's crying out, it's suffering, just like you know how the body gets sick, when you feed it something wrong, or we don't feed it, it becomes sick. depression and anxiety are the souls reaction that something is missing. And sometimes, or maybe even many times. The reason that it's this is happening to the soul is that it had become so attached to this world, that as the world fluctuates, the soul suffers. So we don't want to become so attached to the world that we become machines, basically focused on consuming and producing, consuming, and production, attaching our fortunes to

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the world around us. If I'm successful financially, then I'm successful as a person, I'm worthwhile as a person. Whereas if I'm not financially, I'm worth nothing, and I am nothing. We don't want to become those type of people. So we need relief from that materialism and less attachment to it.

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We understand as Muslims as human beings that are more important things in life than how much I earn, where I'm going to travel, that house that I live in the car that I'm driving, we're feeding our bodies, but we fail to feed our souls.

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And you need to step back and say, enough, enough of this, enough of that fixation on

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matter. And let me focus on renewing my soul. And it can only happen when you give it time. And you need some time to do this. That's why decrease attachment and obsession with this life is really important for their what the health of your soul and for the health of your body. Because if your soul is not doing well your body also is not doing so well as as well.

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So feeding both, as I said and forgetting about comparisons,

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forgetting about the fact that he has and she has an I don't and that's why I feel miserable.

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That's again fixation over this life.

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No, Allah azza wa jal had given them what

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they need

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and gives you what you need. And if Allah were to switch it, what they have may be poison for you.

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And what you have could be poison for them.

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So you have your own path in life and you have to understand this, that you and I, each one of us, we have our own path in life. And Allah will give you what you need. Now more and not less. And if you feel that you need more from Allah Azza did ask Allah azza wa jal, but escaped that comparison.

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Where if they have something, it's going to make you miserable. And if you don't have something that's going to make you miserable, right?

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So decrease materialism and that does require focusing on Allah azza wa jal and asking Allah not to make this life our obsession, take what you can from it, but may Allah azza wa jal or the hereafter that there is something bigger and better. And the more that you will feel that the more that you focus on Allah as legit and feed your soul, the better that you will feel. And the more distance you are from Allah azza wa jal, the worse that you will feel.

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The other thing also in jello that it's kind of like the third treatment that we want to be talking about is loss of hope. Remember, when we defined depression last time, I said that

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that's the defining feature of depression. And in fact, it's an outcome of a lot of things that causes depression, is that you start losing hope

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that things will ever improve, whatever, whatever the causes, but the outcome is, I lose hope that this will ever improve. And that's what makes me depressed.

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And so

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when you find yourself losing hope you will need to have and this is Islamic cognitive therapy, before it was even called called cognitive therapy. Because it's there in Islam, you don't need to

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have fancy degrees, right to understand this. It's really embedded in Islam, even if you did not know this is called this, and this is called that. But you need to have a mental conversation with yourself about that loss of hope. Or to have a conversation with a trusted person, about this feeling. Why are you losing hope?

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Why have you decided that this thing cannot change? Now the question to ask yourselves is, Can Allah Azzawajal change this? Now not asking you will Allah change it? Asking you sit and ask yourself? Can Allah change this?

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And if you objectively say, Yes, Allah can change it.

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The next question is, then there is a possibility for it to change if Allah can change it, right? And you deciding that it cannot change is simply your own conclusion, though you could be wrong, right? Even if it's the percentage of error is 5%.

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But you could be wrong.

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You could be wrong. So there's always the possibility that since Allah can change your situation, that Allah will change it. It may take time, but Allah can write objectively. So why did you lose hope?

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If you look at the prophets of Allah alayhi wa salatu salam, no one was tested as much as the prophets of Allah.

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That's why Allah azza wa jal tells us their stories in the Quran. And we are told their stories in the Sunnah as well.

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So that you can recognize the suffering there, and you recognize how they've overcome it.

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And you recognize that there is always hope, and don't say,

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well, these were prophets of Allah, of course, this would happen to them, it's never going to happen to me. Why did Allah Zoda remind you that he is always there and show you examples of how he saved people? If he does not want you to believe that that also should be the case for you and be? Why would Allah share that with you?

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And I'll share with you you know, the story of Prophet Ibrahim alayhis salam you know how many years he had prayed that Allah azza wa jal, Grantham Assam

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to the degree right that he got old,

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his wife got old.

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And then when the angels of Allah Xeljanz recorded in the Quran, when the angels of Allah they come and they tell him

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you are going to get a son.

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He said on the other shirt, ammonia Allah Emma Sunil Kibo Fatima tuba, Sharon. He said, Are you delivering this news? Good news to me after I am

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This old what news are you bringing to me? It was difficult for him to process after such a long time

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that Allah is going to answer this do out when he's this old and his wife is that old, that is in his mind suck almost impossible. So the angels tell him, curlew, Bishop NACA will help us as we are telling you the truth for let the communal carnitine don't me be among those who despair.

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Then what is the SE? Le Salatu was Salam, Prophet Ibrahim, Kala Omiya, Karnataka Rama Tierra be loved by noon, it says, who despairs of the mercy of his robe? Who takes care of him his love, except the misguided?

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That statement is not just for Ibrahim.

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That utterance of Ibrahim is for everybody. Hello may not know who the spheres of Allah's Mercy

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is, it's always there. Now, yeah, it may take time.

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Yeah, it may take patience and do up. Yes, Allah azza wa jal may not possible may not give you exactly the thing that you've asked for. But he can and will give other things as well.

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Probably better than the thing that you asked for.

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So why despair when there is a possibility that Allah could give the thing that you asked for, take you out of your situation, rescue you, or give you something better than what you've asked.

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The other story i is the story of

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Prophet Yahoo. And he set up

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when he lost his son, Yusuf Ali salah.

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And you can imagine here, yeah, who when he is a prophet

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doesn't know where use of is, and many years pass. And he doesn't know what use of is doing what condition is he in.

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And he's sad, but he's patient and he has hope. Then he loses his second son. If you know the story, right, the youngest son, he loses that as well.

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And Allah, as it says, will be what I now mean, Hosni for Hua Kaeleen. He says, his eyes had turned white out of sadness out of access. He cried so much, he lost his eyesight.

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And he's very distressed.

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very distressed. So the prophets of Allah, even the prophets of Allah, they become sad.

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And they lose their loved ones. And he lost his eyesight because of it now, but did he lose hope?

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Because those are the stories that give you

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a ray of hope. In the midst of darkness, did he lose hope? So when he sent his kids he says to his kids, go and seek use of the hassle. We use the philosophy, seek seek them seek their news, maybe you will find them.

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And he says, Well, are they assuming Rohilla Do not despair of Allah as Rama or of Allah is Allah's mercy, letting us never despair of Allah's mercy? In the hula Su Mei Rohilla Halal Homolka FuRON only the disbelievers despair of Allah's mercy. Why do they disappear because they don't know Him?

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They do not know Allah. That's why they easily Despero Allah's mercy, He says, but those are the only ones who are should despair Allah's mercy but not you, you know Allah, you know him better than this. And you know the rest of the story.

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So yeah, the prophets of Allah that got tested but the important thing is when you get tested is that you don't lose hope.

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And since Allah is there and he can change any situation, any situation can change at any moment. It may take a day, it can may take a week, it could take a month. Allah knows best. But as Allah Zoa Jen

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delays, sometimes that relief.

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fact he delays it for a reason.

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But trust me, rest assured that there is always an end to suffering.

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And always think Subhanallah you know that Allah azza wa jal is had put this particular ordeal or hardship for you for a particular reason. There's wisdom behind it, because you could increase your Eman in ways or come closer to Allah in ways that would not be possible without it. Allah could take away so many of your sins that if you were to see that in replay, right, like, you know, imagine

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Didn't you self, you know, in the day of judgment, and you're looking at a recording of what was happening to you,

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and how many sins you were losing and how close you are coming to Allah and how high you were elevated in general, because of it, you'll understand why this was happening. And you will say, yes, yes. I'm happy to happen. Because now I can reap the fruits of that hardship. I'm happy it's happened.

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So there's always a reason for why Allah azza wa jal,

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you know, introduces sometimes hardship into our lives. But if you have hope in Him, and if you trust him, subhanho wa taala, that hardship will soon go away, if you lose hope, that becomes the real calamity. Because you're trapped. And there's no way out. But if you have hope, you'll always have this energy that yes, this will change this will end by the will of Allah azza wa jal sooner be in India as origin. And one of the things that will help you

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overcome that overcome that suffering is for you not to be so fixated, or to sort of

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let me put it differently, not to be so focused on it, so that it becomes greater than it is. Minimize the circle of suffering.

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Minimize the circle of suffering, and look at the positive.

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How, see, if you are afflicted with whatever, at this moment.

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Could be something small, could be something big, but if you just sit and you look at it, and you stare at it, look at it, and you stare it in the face, and you keep looking at it. And he said how miserable this thing is, how miserable Am I that this thing thinks think this thing has happened to me? Whoa, me? How difficult? How terrible. If that's what you do that thing, even if it is small, grows into something great that you cannot even bear. Why? Because we had focused on it. And the circle of suffering has expanded.

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But if what you do is what

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you try to distract yourself by looking at other things.

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Being busy looking and dealing with other things, focusing on more positive things. That thing that seemed big will start shrinking. Because you're what focused on other things, other positive things, you're working on something else? And also that thing that seems so terrible if you look at other positive things around it. Yeah, Allah took but Allah did not take everything. Yes, this thing is hard. But it could be harder. Yes, this thing is difficult, but there are other people are experiencing much more than you are.

00:33:03--> 00:33:22

They are in greater difficulty than you that is Allah as it was really merciful. Even in that particular hardship and affliction. When you look at the positive sides around it, that thing shrinks. And it does not or is not as terrible, as if you just sit and look at it and complain about it.

00:33:24--> 00:33:54

So minimize that circle of suffering, by what doing other things as well distract yourself, they say that one of the best things to overcome a problem is to help people with their problems. Because when you help another person with their problem, a couple of things happen. You notice that somebody else's suffering, you're not the only one who's suffering, somebody else's suffering. And when you help them, you forget about your own problem. And when you help them, Allah helps you.

00:33:56--> 00:34:00

That's the benefit of it. So minimize the circle of suffering.

00:34:02--> 00:34:22

And the next one I want to deal with the next treatment I want to address is dealing with loss and apparent failure. Loss, meaning I lost someone dear to me. And that is what is causing my depression or I tried something or several things, and I failed.

00:34:24--> 00:34:29

And those are difficult. Those are difficult. So let's deal with loss.

00:34:31--> 00:34:37

Now, if we remember that no loss is permanent, that will ease our pain.

00:34:39--> 00:34:42

It's difficult not to have that person around you.

00:34:43--> 00:34:44

And you're so attached to them.

00:34:46--> 00:34:50

But if you can just be patient and you can just keep it together.

00:34:51--> 00:34:57

And if you just remind yourself that yes, this is hard, but I will see them again.

00:35:00--> 00:35:01

It'll be easier.

00:35:02--> 00:35:05

It won't be easy, but it will be easier.

00:35:07--> 00:35:19

And as time passes, right, you'll be you'll be better able to cope with this because you fulfill for you all forget a little bit and you will be stronger a little bit

00:35:20--> 00:35:31

and you will have a better better grasp and perspective. Because the shock, right has worn off. The shock of that thing happening had worn off a

00:35:33--> 00:35:41

couple of incidents, you know, at the time from the time of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam when he lost his son Ibrahim

00:35:43--> 00:35:49

and the Sahaba Simon he was you know, tearful sallallahu alayhi wasallam

00:35:51--> 00:35:58

and he said in the Lionel that Edma I mean, we are shedding tears. It says My eyes are shedding tears.

00:35:59--> 00:36:02

And my heart is sad. We know Kobe Hassan

00:36:04--> 00:36:29

Wallen, aku Illuma you're the rub will not say anything but what pleases Allah. And we are saddened because you're going to leave a CI right. So here you have the Prophet of Allah azza wa jal, who is filled with Eman filled with taqwa and filled with wisdom, but also a human being at the same time, experiencing sadness, because he has lost his son.

00:36:31--> 00:36:49

And you could see his tears, even as a prophet of Allah who is very patient, but this does not contradict patience. But what he said SallAllahu wasallam is what is really significant, I am feeling sad, but at the same time, I recognize that this is from Allah as his origin.

00:36:51--> 00:36:58

Right? So it's okay to cry and it's okay to express your sadness. But remember that this is not permanent.

00:37:00--> 00:37:03

And you will see your loved ones again.

00:37:04--> 00:37:27

So pray to Allah azza wa jal that you would see them again, pray to Allah that both of you will be in Jannah. And wait for that meeting. Wait for that meeting, because it's not going to be long anyway. Few years and they will pass and all of us will be in that state. Right when we will die and we will see the angels of Allah Allah is Odin and you will get to meet.

00:37:28--> 00:37:36

If Allah azza wa jal wills, you'll get to meet your loved ones. Right? If we're righteous, we will get to meet the loved ones,

00:37:37--> 00:38:07

too. That's what you pray for. The other incident around saying just you know, keep it together in the beginning and be patient. And there are ways to be patient by remembering Allah azza wa jal and you know, standing next to the righteous and reading Quran there are ways to be patient, but I just we don't have time to explore those. But the other incident is when the prophets a lot he was hitting them was passing by passing by the graves. And he saw a woman next to a grave crying.

00:38:09--> 00:38:26

And he told her it was very, he says, have Taqwa of Allah as Odin and be patient? So apparently, she wasn't just simply crying. It was excessive type type of crying. Just tell him be patient of the whole of Allah azza wa jal meaning this is what you're doing is excessive.

00:38:27--> 00:38:41

Okay, so the woman did not know that it was the prophet did not recognize him. So she said he Laker amnesia says, Leave me alone. If not been tested like I was. You're not happy, you don't have my pain.

00:38:42--> 00:38:43

Go away from here.

00:38:44--> 00:39:06

So the Prophet SAW Selim left her and went his home. So a person came to that woman and he said, What did the prophets always say them say to you? She said, Who? He said that man was the Prophet sallallahu wasallam. She said, I did not know him. So she got scared because this is the way that she spoke to the prophets a lot he was and that was inappropriate. So she left

00:39:07--> 00:39:12

and went to the house of the prophets, a lot of cinnamon, she said he didn't have any guard at his door.

00:39:13--> 00:39:39

And she expected what like a king or royalty or something, somebody important who would always have a guard to allow people in or to protect. She said he didn't have he didn't have anybody at the door right? stopping people from going in. So she gave salam to him. SallAllahu wasallam and she said, Oh prophet of Allah, I did not recognize you. He said in the MAS sobre in the somatic Oola he says patience is when you're first shocked.

00:39:41--> 00:39:59

But what are you shocked by something happening? something bad happening? That's is when you need to be most patient. Later on things become easier. After a week or after two no matter what the loss is. You cope with it? You get used to it. Right? We lost so many dear dear people.

00:40:00--> 00:40:04

Also many do things to us after a year or so you cope with it.

00:40:05--> 00:40:27

But you just need to keep it together at that moment. Don't let it destroy you know that Allah azza wa jal is with you if you want him, and that Allah azza wa jal will have you meet them again. So it's not such an incredible loss, it is a loss, but it's not just an incredible loss, that it should destroy you. Failure. What is what is an apparent failure?

00:40:31--> 00:40:35

I call it the parent failure. But because if we try something,

00:40:36--> 00:40:44

and we think that we failed, it immediately reflects on us that I am a failure because I failed in doing this.

00:40:46--> 00:40:47

That's not true, by the way.

00:40:48--> 00:40:50

Not true, because

00:40:52--> 00:41:15

a lot of times, there are other factors involved in why you did not get what you wanted to get. You did your best you planned. You got ready, but you still did not get it? Is it just simply because of you? Or are there other powers that are greater than you that it stopped you from it? Basically, Allah azote

00:41:16--> 00:41:44

so it's not only up to you, whether you get this thing or not, Allah azza wa jal sometimes redirects you, you got to understand this. It's not only about failure, or about being lucky or unlucky, some people will say, I am such an unlucky person, whatever I do, it doesn't work. That means I'm a failure, unlucky and never gonna work for me. Allah azza wa jal directs people in certain places to certain places and ends and not others.

00:41:45--> 00:42:16

Why because this works for you, or this does not work for you. So your failure, that apparent failure or that apparent success is not only and solely based on you, there is another factor and that is Allah as urgent. And there's a Hadith from the Prophet sallallahu wasallam, that Allah Zoda, the meaning of which is that Allah protects his pious people from the dunya like, you protect a sick person from food and drink that harms them.

00:42:18--> 00:42:29

So you think to yourself, or I'm not successful, because you know, it's me, I lack whereas, we are not the outcome of our actions.

00:42:30--> 00:42:39

We're bigger than that. And Allah azza wa jal is the one who is above all of this directing What happens and what does not happen. So if there is a

00:42:40--> 00:42:49

failure, it's only failure in perception. But Allah Zoda wants you to be here, and doesn't want you to be there.

00:42:50--> 00:43:18

So when bad things happen, we have to start looking at them. And maybe, I mean, while you're under pressure, struggling with a thing, maybe it's difficult to see it that way, I admit. But if we train ourselves beforehand, maybe we'll remember this when we are tested. That is start looking at the tests of Allah or any hardship as actually mercy in disguise.

00:43:20--> 00:43:37

Something good that is happening to you and me, but in a different way. Where Allah azza wa jal is teaching where Allah is protecting where Allah is elevating where Allah is cleansing where Allah azza wa jal is just simply teaching you things that could not be taught otherwise.

00:43:38--> 00:44:06

So there's Rama in it. And if you look at it, if you're open to the possibility that this difficulty has Rama in it, you could see that Rama, that mercy, if you're open to the possibility, if you're absolutely negative about it, you won't be able to see it because you've decided that everything there is negative. But if you believe that Allah is the all merciful, and what he sends his mercy, even a hardship will contain mercy in it.

00:44:07--> 00:44:38

That conversation, if you have it in your head, that conversation, if you share it with someone who is depressed, will change their perspective over what's happening to them, and maybe will allow them to emerge from the darkness of depression by seeing that it's not all terrible, and it's not all bleak and there is hope. And there is something positive happening to me, but I have not seen it I have not realized it. But now I can see.

00:44:40--> 00:44:44

And remember we said to detach from this dunya somewhat

00:44:45--> 00:44:53

so losing this world is not such a terrible thing. If you compare it to the hereafter

00:44:54--> 00:44:59

any the prophets a lot he was in them right? The thing that would really upset him right would be other

00:45:00--> 00:45:07

other worldly matters, not the Dounia, they're doing the meaning somebody, somebody would ask him for the clothes on his back, he'd give that to them.

00:45:08--> 00:45:15

Ask him for money, he will give it and then he will be hungry. The Dunia did not matter to him so much. So

00:45:16--> 00:45:22

losing the world will devastate us, if the world is everything to us, I lost a job.

00:45:23--> 00:45:35

If that's everything, if that's the thing that defines me, then of course, losing is devastating. But if I think of a job as something that I do, but it doesn't define me and I can find something else,

00:45:37--> 00:45:43

right, then it's easier to switch, easier to forget, easier to overcome.

00:45:44--> 00:46:14

So the world is not as important as we make it out to be. So losing it sometimes can be tolerated. If you say, Allah will give me something better than that in the hereafter. Why are you so angry? Why are you so distressed? Why are you so sad? Allah will give you something better than all of this, and you will be happy, imagine you will be happy that you lost it, when you see the reward that Allah has for you.

00:46:15--> 00:46:16

Over there,

00:46:17--> 00:46:36

that is, and we have Hadith again, and these Hadith they may seem when I when you read them unrelated, but when you think about it, all of these things are related. There's a hadith and it's authentic, that the healthy on the Day of Judgment will envy the sick because of how much reward the sick people will get.

00:46:38--> 00:46:46

Now, right? We if we are poor, we envy the wealthy. If we are sick, we envy the healthy.

00:46:48--> 00:46:52

On the Day of Judgment, the healthy will envy the sick

00:46:53--> 00:46:58

because of how much Allah is going to give them in return for their patients.

00:46:59--> 00:47:12

Like that woman right that came to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and again gives you another very different perspective on illness. She came and she said, Oh prophet of Allah, I suffer. I suffer from seizures.

00:47:14--> 00:47:23

Right? She collapses in Siyad because of seizures. And also right because I don't control my movement. You know, I, I uncover.

00:47:25--> 00:47:35

So the prophets, Allah Islam gave her an option. It says I can make dua for you, and you'd be healed, or you be patient and you go to Jenna, which one you want.

00:47:36--> 00:47:39

She said, I'll be patient and go to Jen.

00:47:40--> 00:47:46

She made that choice. But then she said, But, but just make dua that I don't uncover while

00:47:48--> 00:47:51

you know, while I'm suffering while I'm sick.

00:47:53--> 00:48:09

So he said, Yes, he made, but he gave her the option. And she chose let me continue to be sick, but I'll go to general have that guarantee. So again, it's a different perspective. And again, right? We don't ask to be sick to be tested. But if that happens,

00:48:11--> 00:48:30

and you remember this hadith, it does change your attitude about why it happened. And about you, are you actually being punished? Are you actually being mistreated? Or is this really a gift that Allah azza wa jal is giving to you think about it, right?

00:48:32--> 00:48:45

Last thing in sha Allah that we'll talk about, and it's not the final treatment, but it's the we're gonna have to insha Allah talk about treatment, continue talking about treatment in sha Allah, the next week, in addition to prevention and

00:48:46--> 00:48:53

maintenance. But the last thing in sha Allah want to talk about it's in that connected to failure is fear of failure.

00:48:54--> 00:49:05

So somebody decided that I'm a failure already or somebody's afraid of failing. So it doesn't do anything and he's depressed because of it, or anxious because of it.

00:49:06--> 00:49:10

So, to treat that, remember,

00:49:11--> 00:49:38

that success comes from Allah azza wa jal. Yes, you do your best. You get ready, you prepare and all of this, but there is no guarantee that you will succeed. And you don't know if whether you're going to succeed or fail. Your success and your failure in quotation, your success and your failure, as I said, is not really an only yours, Allah as Odin decides it.

00:49:39--> 00:49:41

So you are not your failure.

00:49:42--> 00:49:53

If there is a failure, you are not it. It does not define you. It just simply means that you failed in something, but you're not the failure.

00:49:54--> 00:50:00

Why? Because we already had established Allah azza wa jal has decided that you're not going

00:50:00--> 00:50:22

succeed here it you could have hired 100 people to help you 1000 people to help you, you would not succeed in this thing. Is it because I and all of them are unqualified? No, because Allah did not want this to happen. Why? Yeah, Allah, you know, I'm so depressed and so sad because of it, because it was not good for you.

00:50:23--> 00:50:32

Because Allah loves you and he stopped that from happening to you. When you think about it this way that you've been saved, you're not going to be sad.

00:50:33--> 00:50:46

But somebody else got it. And I didn't get it do as we said, Don't compare yourself to other people. What if Allah as though did were to give that person that thing? And that thing will take him to hellfire? Do would you want it?

00:50:48--> 00:50:52

That's the issue of trust. Do you trust Allah more? Or do you trust yourself?

00:50:53--> 00:50:55

So when we become depressed,

00:50:56--> 00:51:05

we are trusting ourselves more than Allah. If you trust Allah, you'll say, okay, Allah did not want it. Bye bye.

00:51:06--> 00:51:10

Good riddance, I don't want to If Allah did not want it for me, I don't want it for myself.

00:51:11--> 00:51:28

Begun. Yeah, Allah, you give me now, what is good for me, I'll be happy with that. So don't be so attached to the dunya that it has to be this job and nothing else. This person to marry and no one else, this college and nothing else.

00:51:29--> 00:51:52

Right? This career or nothing else, what I perceived my life to be or nothing else. That's you trusting you know, trust Allah, as Lou said, it's not going to go your way it's going to go a different way. Trust the way that Allah azza wa jal loves. So with fear of failure first, you are not your failure.

00:51:53--> 00:51:59

Okay? And even when you succeed, you did not succeed just because you're better than anybody else. You succeeded, Allah helped you.

00:52:00--> 00:52:06

Okay, so you are not your failure. That's one second, if you try something and it doesn't work.

00:52:07--> 00:52:13

And if you especially if you're doing this for the sake of Allah, as noted, even if it doesn't work, Allah rewards you for your effort.

00:52:16--> 00:52:25

Even if it does not work, Allah rewards you for your efforts. So how is that a failure? If you do it for the sake of Allah azza wa jal to please him. Okay?

00:52:26--> 00:52:32

And if you're afraid I may fail. That's making you really anxious.

00:52:33--> 00:52:37

One issue lean on Allah azza wa jal rather than yourself.

00:52:38--> 00:53:04

Something that is fundamentally different again, the difference between Islamic therapy and secular therapy in Islamic therapy we say trust Allah, secular therapy, trust yourself, say we don't trust ourselves is a trust Allah Zildjian and Allah when you trust to me gives you strength more than the string that you have on your own. So this is I'm afraid that I'm gonna fail is Subhanallah and where is the work good.

00:53:05--> 00:53:11

Trusting Allah? Where is the work good? I'm afraid I'm going to fail with Allah next to you're going to fail.

00:53:13--> 00:53:40

When you trusting Allah as Odin Singh, Allah assist me and you're going to fail? No, yeah, Allah helped me lean on Allah. Trust Allah make dua and then do your best and leave the rest to Allah azza wa jal, if it happens, it happened because of Allah. If it didn't happen, it happened because Allah took it away. You have removed yourself from the outcome, you did your best, but you remove yourself from the outcome. So it doesn't depress you.

00:53:41--> 00:53:50

And it does also make you arrogant, right? So I'm afraid he says, Don't be afraid Allah is with you. And Allah will determine the outcome.

00:53:52--> 00:54:01

Right? So I don't want this to be too long. Because I want it inshallah also not to be overwhelming, and to be in

00:54:03--> 00:54:20

a good reasonable doses in sha Allah Bill Alamy. So next week in sha Allah, same time, same day, we're going to continue talking about treatment and I want to talk in sha Allah about negative thoughts. Where do they come from? And how to deal with them in sha Allah will Allah mean

00:54:21--> 00:54:27

and let me see setting goals and if you feel that your life is empty,

00:54:28--> 00:54:34

why do you feel that your life is empty and we're going to be tweeting that and shazam give me a preview

00:54:37--> 00:54:59

insha Allah and then we talked about prevention and we talked about maintenance. So that will be the topic for next week in sha Allah continue treatment and prevention and maintenance. And in short, a lot of but I mean, remember that if you do have questions, send them so on YouTube, after the video is published in the comment section.

00:55:00--> 00:55:08

publish your or write your questions, send them to the email that we've published last time and I think we'd be able to publish it today or

00:55:10--> 00:55:16

we're going to try to remember I don't remember it actually, but if it's possible, it will be posted in sha Allah

00:55:17--> 00:55:22

or Facebook, so Facebook, YouTube and the email, but I don't remember the email at this moment. I'm sorry.

00:55:25--> 00:56:08

So I hope insha Allah that this was useful, and again, if I have questions from you guys, I'll try inshallah to answer them next week. If we have time. If we don't have time. Then what I'll do in Sharla is dedicate a special session just for q&a. Okay, but you bought a low FICO May Allah azza wa jal bless You we ask a lot of Bill and I mean are hamre he mean, a Sheffy and wifey are alive there's anyone who is struggling with anything at this moment physical right emotional, psychological, mental, whatever it is. You asked for your Oh, but allow me to take away that suffering from them was to allow me to heal them completely, was yellow, but I mean to replace their

00:56:08--> 00:56:50

sorrow, their anxiety, their sadness, with happiness, yada but I mean, whereas hero Bella mean to heal us all, internally and externally, with the oran with the Sunnah of the Prophet sallallahu sydal them to fill our hearts with your love, and your love of your Prophet and the love of the believers. Make Allah Rama Rama in the hereafter our biggest concern and diminish in our hearts the love that we have for the dunya diminish in our heart the attachment that we have for the dunya and make loss easier because of that for us, make us a little bit I mean of those who see the wisdom and whatever you decide, who see the mercy in whatever hardship they encounter and make us of those who

00:56:50--> 00:57:28

returned back to you whenever they are faced with hardship. Baraka Lo Fi co May Allah azza wa jal bless you may Allah azza wa jal heal us all. We a lot of Al Al Amin makers among the elect, who are saved from hellfire and are raised in ranks in gender I mean rabbil aalameen alameen Baraka Lo Fi calm and again, we'll see you with ninda at the same time, same same day, same, our insha Allah next week, Baraka Lo Fi con Subhanak, alumna we'll be handing a shadow Elena in and stuff it'll go up to what unique hamdu Lillahi Rabbil Alameen wa salam alaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh