Solving Marriage Delimas

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Alaa Elsayed

Channel: Alaa Elsayed

Episode Notes

Episode Transcript

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Bismillah Alhamdulillah wa salatu salam ala rasulillah salam aleikum, wa rahmatullah wa barakato. My dear brothers, this is Islam and inshallah we will go on a journey. I'm you're, you're invited on a journey, a very short journey, but it means a lot.

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And hopefully again, by the end of this journey, we will learn a lot.

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If we listen with our hearts

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and really think about the reason we're here

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and hopefully, inshallah we can see the reward.

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Get the fruit when you sow the seed.

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And inshallah, by the end of this session, we can alleviate some of the misconceptions

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get on the right track

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and ultimately get some people married.

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The brother was coming to me I you know, I misunderstood him from the Sydney posse

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is already embarrassed covering his face, but don't worry, man, we won't point you out.

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You know, when I was under the impression he was married to two sisters. Sadly, I was mistaken. He was still looking for his first wife.

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So we're making advertising on the brother's behalf. inshallah, we'll come up with a game plan for everyone that is looking for a spouse and

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the topic is marriage, the dilemma of marriage. And, you know, why is it stressful? Why is it a dilemma?

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Because we make it a dilemma, because we make it stressful, because we stayed away from the Quran and Sunnah. And what did we take on? Or

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we took on tradition, cultures, habits, old baggage luggage, while we call back home, still.

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I deal with this a lot, either before, through or after.

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And it's so simple, so panela, but we make it difficult.

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Let us start this journey quickly.

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The number one reason you will have a successful marriage

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inshallah

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is by being proactive.

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By doing your homework.

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We talked about this in details, inshallah, in the course, but we're taking you through a sort of a quicker tour tonight.

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Please understand that, if you don't pave the way,

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in profound ways, solid foundation of your marriage, you will have a shaky start.

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Not a very good way to start. So let us start before beforehand, before marriage itself.

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I'm going to ask some questions. And hopefully, it'll trigger something.

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I'm going to ask a very simple question. What is number one? What is number one right? For you, children. Anybody else?

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Michelle, what is it?

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A good mother. Mashallah, who's that?

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allowed? Well, good for you as

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well, ladies, right?

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Most of the time, I get a lot of answers, but that's exactly it. And he didn't have to call a friend or

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have

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services number one and all that stuff.

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It's true. Being

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a proactive father or mother is choosing the righteous spouse. It's true, very true. There are some more rights for your child. We'll take him in details later, it's Allah. But now at least let's pave that way. We're going to take you through this process of choosing a spouse

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Then getting this wedding thing

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out of the way how stressful Can you be?

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So let us now we talked to the sisters early on today we talked about this golden you know dreams I'm talking to the brothers now this time just a little bit

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when I go to universities usually speak to the youth I don't

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what do you remember from the headman

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when Prophet Mohammed Salim mentioned four criterias for the sister to look for two men to wait what is what do you think number one

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Yeah, I remember that event. What do you remember? Ah,

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you have words for beauty man.

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It's true. It's very true. Beauty is actually there in the hospital.

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They actually mentioned that and we'll you know we'll take that the reason we say that for not here but another another sin. But Islam is a practical religion is true.

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Prophet Mohammed Allah mentioned is for curious for a reason.

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So you want to look for a beautiful wife

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because if you don't have a beautiful wife according to your standards, the ideal holder Charla because you walk downtown or somewhere in Australia in the summertime

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May Allah help you inshallah are on university campus. And you see

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things

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sisters in humanity walking around.

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And now you go home

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and look to your

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wife.

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And then right you said I should have listened to Prophet Mohammed.

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Four criterias are there

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but when I asked the brother What do you really want? He says lead will have by law babila

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Well, I wouldn't believe that.

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I want her to be taller than white. Beautiful, silky hair has a different color during the day different color during the night.

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If you see her from afar, she's beautiful. And if she comes close, she's even more beautiful. As if she's riding a horse.

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Here comes the horse again what's up with

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Canada MasterCard, she was rich they became poor. But

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she was rich and became poor says now has the pride. That arrogance the novelty of that wealth, but she's also humble and modest when it comes to poverty.

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Alice

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were to claim alcohol while

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she's kind to that young, gentle and respects the old good with the neighbors.

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I mean the list is so long

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you know zala interfaces, well bla bla bla bla

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bla bla if we find this woman that you have all these criterias for we would have done what was in a near momineen that we took an oath yes go ahead you can leave this oma

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but then that same brother that is coming to look for all these things in that future wife, you look at him and he looks like this

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are you kidding me man?

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alarms that.

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So we put pressure on ourselves for not being realistic and not needing to that Islamic marriage strategies and the Quran and the Sunnah Allah so there are two criterias for the sisters and four criterias for the brothers inshallah we are not going to emphasize that but I want to give you one thing Prophet Mohammed sauce Allah has given you one that you cannot go without Which one is that? The Deen very good. So I will give you with a one visual that hopefully you will not forget.

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Okay. So we now know that Vijay Mallya beauty is a given, as we mentioned Islam as a practical religion

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and now the wealth the least

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The family and the deed.

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So number one on Prophet Mohammed Salah list the most important of all,

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is the deen. So we'll put it up. Dean is number

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one very good. Dean is not forgiveness, right? But in the process of choice we know that we go for beauty first and I will explain the reason why behind it. But really the most important foundation is Dean. So number one

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now he is beautiful

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bonus put a zero he's at 10

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All right. Now she's also rich

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that's 100% for another zero here right

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now she's also comes from a good family good upbringing environment as batting 1000.

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Now take away the dean.

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What do you got?

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three zeros. Enjoy.

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Good Life, Masha, Allah. Now we really know the sisters is looking for this man on the white horse and all that stuff. But the things that we talked about earlier. And that's where the dilemma comes in.

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Why? Because they've been reading this story with this guy. And this guy that's coming in with all these fantasies, right? when they're young, they've been planning this wedding.

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It's true. It's true. And I'll tell you, I've actually been to a wedding where the guy had to come in on a white horse.

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I'm telling you the truth. He made it very difficult for all of us. How do you love that? And had to sign a wedding with a feather and it was beautiful. It's beautiful. Romantic, it was true. It's very true.

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But what happens into that process, after choosing the spouse and so on, now you have to fight.

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Now the parents are coming in. On one side. religious aspects is on one side. You have the traditions and cultures on one side. You're born and raised here, but your parents still do what?

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With all due respect, of course I speak about Tikka g Gala.

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By the way,

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it's true there you are in the dilemma. Your parents want you to have this. And by the way, your parents have already chosen a spouse for you. But you don't know it yet.

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I have heard this one brother got a phone call. Hey, son.

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Go pick up your wife from the airport.

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Now what do you do? You're in a dilemma. You want to please your parents because you don't want to disobey them because there's rules and regulations that has this 123 but now you want to live your life. You do not want to receive your wife in a puzzle. We have to sign for her and go

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for the first time in your life to see this woman

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by the way, you're supposed to see it right.

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So now what happens? You go through a struggle you go through a struggle, and then you know who you please your parents yourself culture what how about pleasing allows.

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How about following the sinner Prophet Mohammed sauce?

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You can go on

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now this is one of the hurdles.

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The other hurdle

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kitchen.

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You see in some countries, there's a big price tag in order for you to get married. No, we haven't done that wedding yet. We're talking about dowry.

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Now the brother I've seen a brother that's very old hasn't gotten married yet and asked him if he you married how many kids you have and and so on who's

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not married yet man. Go brother from another mother.

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Where's the sister from another mister?

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What happened dude?

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He goes

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I'm still collecting dowry. You're 55 years old man.

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So why? You see what happened? The scholar says this haram thing that is going on around his job as odfi this boyfriend girlfriend is chatting this phone

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Cause the stuff we talked about earlier. You know, we the scholar says, the unknown set up to mean halaal fissara Karamoja sera.

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We have made it difficult for our own sons and daughters to do the right thing to get Hillel marriage. We put so many labels, a price tag so much pressure on our own children. And they are a walking.

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What's the proper word to say?

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They have things inside them.

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They move.

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It's true. Human beings with emotions, temptations, they see things around, and they act upon it.

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But now we put all these restrictions and hurdles you have to do this. You have to do that after this. And some of us are actually what reserving our own daughter for

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my brother's son back home.

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believe it's true. These are true stories. We deal with this all the time.

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And oh, yes, I will not marry my second daughter unless my first daughter gets married first. Same with the brother and the sisters is going to man, how you doing?

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I'm waiting. Is this halal? or haram? Is this the proper way to do it? Is this the sooner Pamela?

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Now what happens

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is this part when it comes to

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delivering the final product, you know, we're holding on to our daughter so much because we don't want to give her up. And this brothers coming in and fighting, fighting you. I want the uncle

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Can I have your daughter,

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you know, we have to go through a struggle this really now I'm the last line of defense. So we have to look for faults with this guy, shoo, shoo. We don't want you around here.

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So now what happens

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we go through this process of elimination.

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And we'll go through these tests and you feel like you're on a hatch I remember the first time I actually

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went to see my wife

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I took I took a cake

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this was supposed to do apparently you buy a chocolate cake or something and you dress really nice. And then you go in you know

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you know the shoes in the back and you policy and all that stuff. And you're like your heart is going

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and now you're not going to door

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and all of a sudden you see this

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like the Fire Dragon whatever you call that you know they go in and you have your father or uncle or brother it's like you're fueling your fire squad and they're shooting at you with all these questions I just give to us we're heading to marriage.

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So of course the first time I actually see my way stru so I am going back

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and I'm waiting for Hong Kong. I had to go through the process with that firing squad first. And I had the second phone call and I go into the second time

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like interviews trying to get a job as a husband

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and now I had to buy another cake

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This is costly man what's up and I had to go with another suit because otherwise they will think I only have that one suit that I

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trying to impress these people

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again, the whole duration of that interview she didn't come out she didn't come out so I'm gonna do that. So just before I go Zakouma Hayden thank you I get the I get the head school you don't have to worry about so I something would push out. They actually had to push her out in order for me to see these are things true like that, the more difficulties and all that stuff I understand. But now when it comes to even the process of Yes, you agree on certain things and parents agree with each other and the children and money job the place where or what language kids and all that stuff. Different criterias becomes another major hurdle. What is it?

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The wedding, right? The wedding itself?

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You know, I know that some certain cultures have so many

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martial law events in order for the brother to actually get to be a hamdulillah Hello Angela. You know with her, it's amazing the hurdles that they put through what happens first they have something I believe called

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You know,

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then you go Rock City, then they go bankruptcy.

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By the time the brother is actually married and alone with his wife, he's $40,000 in debt.

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How do you start your life? In the minus?

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Honey, we're broke.

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So we have to raise money to be saved to be able to say where or even or broke. So, Pamela, so I see why is he Why put pressure on yourself and booty? Why is it then?

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And the most atrocious because my cousin did this, or my this did that. My diary was this and her diary was that and what will people say? How can we will lie It is very difficult, very difficult. even know, even though that we are we identify ourselves as a Muslim. But we buckle under pressure, because of the people the culture, the oath, these traditions, these things with a price tag.

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And of course, the dilemma living in this society, what happens? What kind of a wedding will we have? You know,

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right, or the left with more than moderate? So maybe the brothers on this side, this, this and that side in America, people in the middle? Will we be doing a diff over the dinner sheet, or what kind of all these things that they actually fight and believe it or not, some marriages break up before they even get to the first phase because they cannot get together.

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And what happens of course, you're not winning. This what happens?

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Apparently, it has to start with grant

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because I go into the weddings

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doing this marriage certificate thing.

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And you know, the sisters amazingly enough, it's I call this the convertible image of

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the sisters have this beautiful shawl on their shoulders

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and start the wedding with how do we learn?

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We start when all of a sudden, amazingly a miracle happens.

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The sisters with the scarf on their shoulders what happens? They go

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all the sisters in

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law, this is amazing. I have seen this with my own eyes. Then after

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law lien what happens?

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So close yet so far.

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As if hedgehog was just there to

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surprise

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now in winning in itself, these dilemmas, these hurdles that we go through this, it's a moral dilemma for us, what do we do?

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So I have a little bit of a game plan for you. Because we are looking for solutions. We are here to do something that's called the right thing. And sometimes doing the right thing may not be the right thing to do. But doing things right

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may not be the right thing to do or doing the right thing may not be doing things the way that we think they are true.

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So in order for us to go through this beautiful journey,

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I'm going to invite you to come to Home sweet home

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next year when I come back to Australia gela to give you the rundown and everything else.

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But to leave you with a few things. First, I'm talking to that guardians now. Specifically, the fathers

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you know, allows the panel to Allah give you that power.

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But that doesn't mean a lot of abuse. Don't abuse this power or misuse this power.

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It's true. You're the last line of defense. So we say that the kinetic be conscious of Allah subhanaw taala fear Allah in your trading with daughter Charla,

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please understand

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that you are looking for the father of your children,

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not just the husband, you're looking for the father of your children. Same with UEFI because right now the brothers are looking for certain things, but we have a short vision. When we look down the line, did this person be that mother of my children?

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There are there are books that we actually have to read, put these things together 1001 questions, there's a few little tests

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that she fit the criteria.

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What happens? Go back to Suresh accardi.

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And what happens when he started his his wedding? Do you know what to do when you start your wedding? Or the evening? And the day? Do you know that they're supposed to be some soon and if you don't know the student, I want you to go back and do your homework, read a book called

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the fertile arrows.

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And if not, inshallah we can provide it for you later on in a summary.

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But you want to make sure that you leave these hurdles by going back to the Quran and Sunnah. And ask yourself, did Islam really make marriage difficult?

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The answer is no. It's very easy. As a matter of fact, when I deal with the other societies or other ways of life, they see this amazing by one word this woman is

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is married to this man one word and they're not married anymore. So parent Allah, Allah subhanaw taala made it so easy with credentials the criterias are very simple.

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Look at fortimanager law and our bar

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look at Alina Batalla de la moda. What did he do? How did he do it? Even and even abitata What did he do? It he actually Prophet Mohammed Salah was the one to approach le narratology lava.

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So what did he have? What was your salary by the way?

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About the shield of the armor prophet Muslim gave.

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What was your furniture Lake

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Felton was the daughter of Prophet Mohammed was the leader of women

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in heaven. What was your furniture like if he anybody knows.

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So Pamela, amazingly enough, you'll find out they had something to sleep on

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a pillow that had louver inside of the stuffing, and one pot to cook in. And one something to grind the seeds.

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But now when you go to the sister, what does she want? I want to first code the Mercedes Benz I want a flat screen TV a multi whatever video I want a diary bla bla bla bla I want the house next level really I don't want you to get married to a second wife. I don't want you to

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the conditions are so long an amazing, amazing life.

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So you keep asking yourself if you go back to the roots, it will go back and a lot of struggle make it easy for us to make it difficult will make it difficult for ourselves. This is the bottom line. Bottom line is we have to go back

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and you find out how the profit mom's LLC What did you see? It says a Coronavirus.

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Remember the more blessings the more Allah subhanaw taala blessings upon your marriage is that less of a dowry less of a dowry? And you know, in certain countries are supposed to be rich countries.

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They actually don't get married from the same. They go somewhere else get married. Why do you think this?

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They can't afford it. They believe it. This is supposed to be a rich country. I'm not gonna name any countries.

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Japan.

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Okay, let's go with that.

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It's not Japan. However, I'm sure some of us know what country we are. In some countries, it's not a problem. However, we need to learn from it not dimensioned. It's not important who they are. What's important for us is to learn from that

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they cannot get married. As a matter of fact, have you ever heard this

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sentence I have to go back home

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to find a wife.

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Anybody heard that? before? I said that before I have to go back home to find a wife. Why do you think you want to go back home to find a wife? Anybody knows?

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Why would you even fathom or think of that?

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Because he cannot afford some it's true. Or they will think it will be easier that way.

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So what we're saying here, let's help one another to do the right thing. Let's help one another to come back. Let's help one another to do what is supposed to be done as according to Islam for Allinson. So my proposal for you is very simple. I do this with every community I go.

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I'm going to ask a couple

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of very well known respected couple

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in the community to come forth, not here. I'm not asking to do it now. But inshallah to take it upon yourself as a husband and wife.

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Because we see a lot of sisters

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want to get married and they can't find the brother or don't know how to deal with it or meet or talk when I'll get to know them. Same thing with the brothers that a lot of brothers want.

00:30:00--> 00:30:04

Get married, but they just don't know how to, you know, you hook my friend.

00:30:05--> 00:30:10

They don't know how to clinch the deal. How do I do it? So I did this with my wife.

00:30:13--> 00:30:24

I asked the brothers, anybody wants to get married, they send me an email would tell me who they are, what they're looking for, and send me a picture. And until the sisters,

00:30:26--> 00:30:29

anybody wants to get married, do the same thing, but email my wife.

00:30:31--> 00:30:33

And then we try to match.

00:30:34--> 00:30:55

We don't do this as a business, but we do it as a community. Well, I I'm not asking if the brothers are doing this the business May Allah bless you. Good for you, ally Sharma, I don't mind that at all. It's true, but the percentage is low, actually percentage is low. For the, I'm not going to talk about it. Because I mean, I don't want to offend anyone.

00:30:56--> 00:31:10

But what we're seeing, actually, we have to look for solutions. The problem we're having is our brothers and sisters are actually doing something as harm, we're actually getting married to somebody else, even outside of the faith. Because they have an easy way.

00:31:11--> 00:31:24

We have it as Okay, I want to just make sure that I protect myself and do it and do the right thing. The cost is normal. So what I'm asking from this community in Sharla, is to come up with a solution

00:31:25--> 00:31:53

one brother, one sister, a couple jhala to come up with this idea, the idea and everyone comes forward with a picture is like as if you're applying the things that you need to know about it and go through the criterias and then the sister will do the same thing being interested Of course, with this information that will not go anywhere try and match and that happens. I will give you four pointers if you ever selected

00:31:54--> 00:31:56

four points that you have to remember

00:31:57--> 00:31:59

the first thing is called as the shadow

00:32:00--> 00:32:02

the second will be is the harder

00:32:03--> 00:32:03

the third would be

00:32:05--> 00:32:06

the fourth would be to work with.

00:32:08--> 00:32:09

So let us explain

00:32:10--> 00:32:13

is the Shara is consulting doing your homework

00:32:16--> 00:32:25

asking about the background and the forker theories for the brothers and the two partners for the Sisters of the force that we know that to capital compatibility between the two in different ways.

00:32:26--> 00:32:28

Now after you've done that

00:32:29--> 00:32:31

you do is the Shara and Starr

00:32:33--> 00:32:35

is the herder means what you asked him allows you

00:32:37--> 00:32:38

to choose what's best for you.

00:32:40--> 00:32:49

So what is he? Is he going to start with a you know, a pre determined attitude you already know that I want I want this what I'm doing is the car anyway. Are you doing this together?

00:32:51--> 00:32:52

It doesn't work that way.

00:32:53--> 00:33:15

So you're doing what you're doing first thing you're doing your homework 123 the sister has all these criterias the brother has all these criterias of hamdulillah I see the sister walking to work or the school or whatever it is or their family. I've seen the sister and that's how I actually asked the brothers what to do. I tell them first see the sister if you like what you see

00:33:16--> 00:33:21

then proceed. Then you asked about the background he asked about all these things.

00:33:23--> 00:33:25

You've done your homework three to four cards

00:33:27--> 00:33:35

to ask the last panel to Allah to choose what's best for you. Because no one knows what's in the heart and no one knows what's in the future except the last panel Jenna Viola

00:33:36--> 00:33:45

now once you get the green light if things are going very smooth proceed if things are making it very difficult then what a hard you try Braun

00:33:47--> 00:33:48

abandon ship.

00:33:51--> 00:33:53

Run Forrest run. Yeah, exactly.

00:33:55--> 00:33:56

allows that.

00:33:58--> 00:34:09

After that, by the way you don't have to see anything in a dream or anything like that. But it is it's an illusion. So now the third one is after you get the green light things are going smooth as determination.

00:34:11--> 00:34:14

Number four is you put your trust in the last project.

00:34:16--> 00:34:18

Very simple formula.

00:34:20--> 00:34:22

When you start I want to go back to where it started.

00:34:24--> 00:34:25

I want you to sit down

00:34:26--> 00:34:30

with that sister of yours. Sorry, my sister of yours not good

00:34:32--> 00:34:33

with your wife insha Allah

00:34:35--> 00:34:39

as the should I have called his wife said says Allah slick. Hold on.

00:34:41--> 00:34:46

He says please tell me what you like so I can do and tell me what you don't like and I will not do.

00:34:48--> 00:34:50

Very simple statement that we don't do it.

00:34:51--> 00:34:53

We take everyone for granted.

00:34:54--> 00:34:59

Amazing surprise of love. And then you talk about the goals, the comments and all

00:35:00--> 00:35:05

That stuff in insha Allah, the sunon I want to start you off with the right center.

00:35:06--> 00:35:07

And I will leave you with this.

00:35:10--> 00:35:13

What do you guys do? After the wedding?

00:35:14--> 00:35:15

I know you've seen the movies.

00:35:19--> 00:35:22

Usually what happens? The brother will carry the sister

00:35:27--> 00:35:37

all right? No, that's that's not what I'm asking you to do. I'm asking you what establish the sender you're supposed to say, I do I supposed to say before you enter the home,

00:35:39--> 00:35:40

and then you enter with which foot

00:35:42--> 00:35:45

with the right foot. Right. And what do you say?

00:35:48--> 00:35:59

Bismillah salaam aleikum? Of course the right Islam Muslim for just a Muslim, please get it if you don't have it, get it? This small little booklet that will help you through inshallah.

00:36:00--> 00:36:05

Enter with the right foot say Bismillah salaam aleikum? Why Bismillah

00:36:07--> 00:36:08

I'm talking to the brothers now.

00:36:09--> 00:36:23

And the sisters if the brother doesn't know that, slap them upside the head wake them up quick and show remind them gently ever so gently with a with a little TLC with this not the TV channel. tender loving care of the husbands don't don't like any of the guy.

00:36:24--> 00:36:32

So now you say Bismillah because everything is a name of a lot what happened so your team will be out of there? We can stay here. Name of allies mentioned

00:36:33--> 00:36:34

Selam Aleykum

00:36:36--> 00:36:41

why he says Santa Monica. Is anybody there to think the sister will probably think that you're

00:36:42--> 00:36:45

stuck in himself already. Allow Aqua

00:36:47--> 00:36:52

we stand in the best way Wait, man, I'll show you and you know, you really be talking yourself real.

00:36:54--> 00:36:55

For Why Why are you saying that? I'm on

00:36:57--> 00:36:57

the right.

00:36:58--> 00:37:01

The good. And there's also others.

00:37:02--> 00:37:06

But I don't want to scare you because you don't have nightmares. And so I will talk about

00:37:07--> 00:37:14

this later. Less than or equal to the ante with the right foot panel. Ah, that's beautiful. And then what who knows what to do? What do you do first?

00:37:16--> 00:37:17

So

00:37:18--> 00:37:24

I heard it right. Allies the good man, Mashallah, most people don't know that.

00:37:26--> 00:37:29

Man, I've been waiting for 25 years, dude.

00:37:31--> 00:37:33

You want me the first thing I come in the house?

00:37:36--> 00:37:38

You must be kidding. No,

00:37:39--> 00:37:41

I'm not. That's the sooner

00:37:42--> 00:37:44

you free to record. What?

00:37:45--> 00:37:51

You're establishing a fact. You're establishing a home that is built upon

00:37:52--> 00:38:07

obedience of Allah. So not Prophet Mohammed sauce. This is a Muslim home, you're declaring you're raising a better this is a Muslim home. We're starting with an obedience to thank Allah subhanaw taala that we found each other.

00:38:09--> 00:38:14

You starting to say that this is the house of law, not a house of shaitan.

00:38:16--> 00:38:18

And there is another declaration.

00:38:20--> 00:38:22

who leads the prayer.

00:38:25--> 00:38:27

You're thinking what is the prayer?

00:38:29--> 00:38:30

Yes, of course the man.

00:38:32--> 00:38:36

Why does he need the prayer? You know there's actually something behind it.

00:38:40--> 00:38:41

Because women don't leave.

00:38:44--> 00:38:44

Where is it?

00:38:46--> 00:38:47

headed a family Michele urinary tract.

00:38:49--> 00:38:51

The column okay the time is

00:38:52--> 00:39:00

right, the sister will go down after the message of low a quote. system will come up when he says me Allah will even hamidah the understand.

00:39:02--> 00:39:13

establishing this firm that in every castle has to be one king and one queen. You cannot have two kings and you can certainly have