Principles Of Marriage

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Alaa Elsayed

Channel: Alaa Elsayed

Topics: Marriage

Episode Notes

A talk by Sheikh Alaa, titled Principles Of Marriage: Purpose, Guidelines & Foundations, which was delivered at the 2014 ISNA Canada Convention.

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


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Bismillah Alhamdulillah wa salatu salam ala rasulillah salam aleikum, wa rahmatullah Madeira. This isn't Islam.

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Masha Allah, like Raja buena, Mohammed says, I think I just walked into a janaza

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one correction, I mean, shift magic. Allah, I learned from him and I read a lot of things down. And one thing I said I'm going to implement, Mashallah, he knows, but you know, the phone calls? You know, I don't answer every phone call. But as soon as they look at the the screen, and there's only one thing I cannot not answer you. Which one do you think it is?

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Everybody knows it, man. What should I mean? You know, it's, uh, it's there. So you understand there's even a phone? There's a tone supposed to be that Warning Warning. The wife is calling you have you heard that before? That's the only thing even when you sit down, what do you do? As soon as your wife's calling you stand up.

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loves that job. So today, we're talking about principles, purpose and foundation and guidelines for marriage, which is amazing. So you understand that Sheikh Abdullah, and this person of Allah is one of our missions in life is to make sure that everyone is single year, gets off the singlehood and gets into the hood. You're in the hood? Nah, man. All right, by show of hands, if you're single, please raise your hand.

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Come on, you guys are scared, whatever. There's no tricks here.

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Alright, so I did this once in Australia, I told the brother You know, raise your hand if you're single. And the brother just told me that he's married.

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So he didn't tell me that you're married yet. But I'm 75% single.

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All right, so tonight, or today, we're going to talk about these foundations, pillars purposes and so on. So you're coming close to getting married now you're almost graduating or your father or mother nagging you yo you got to get get off your whatever and get married I want to see a grandchild nine months exactly from the say the day you say I do I does or whatever it is. So you're pressured, you get to do this. And all of a sudden, you make your decision based on what.

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So let's go through that quick journey. And I'm not going to elaborate too much on the first one because a lot to share and very little time because Sheikh Abdullah does have a lot to talk about the issues that we have in our situations.

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So allows a panel agenda. I mentioned two things in the Quran Prophet Mohammed Salah Salim mentioned two things in the standard that you look for. And we call this the four by four.

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The first one is obviously and the most important part, by the way, you understand that most of the people think that the most difficult decision you make is actually getting married section number two, number one is actually having children.

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So let's go through one and two, and talk about the family and you'll find out that allows panatela put in a bigger picture, and what it's all about, and I'll give you one key word that I alluded to this morning in the hot setup, but today inshallah you'll have the keys, hopefully to be successful in this life in the hereafter.

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So Allah Subhana, Allah, Allah in the Quran mentioned two things, obviously, this is for you. And when I talk to the sisters, I'm talking indirectly to the brothers. So he says, look for some one of the what is the number one and two? And we talked about this before if you're among the students here.

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I mean, yeah, every surgeon in the hydrogenous Digital career I mean, and this is one of my favorite verses because that's what my wife told my father in law when she saw me she's Yeah, but he said you know, my father hire him.

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So I was hired and that's what it is. We are hired man, we are hot. Yes.

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We don't talk about politics here.

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So coal is strong according to law it says a man but the latter scholar says believe in everything. Everything intellectual, academic, physical, mental, social, physical, financial, everything probably I mean stress through it because you trust in your life with him.

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And Prophet Mohammed Salah mentioned Hello London and another innovation demon holdup demons.

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religious background and moral conduct. And that's what we talked about. And the brothers. And again, I mentioned this before to you the four things in the Hadith according to Prophet Muhammad, sallAllahu wasallam. And again, when you talk to the brothers in diversity, you mentioned one thing only in one thing, and that's the only thing they remember from the Hadees What do you remember, man? The Jamali, half horse. Anything else? Uh huh.

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Did I mention that?

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I gotcha. Gotcha. I hear you, man. Ninja Melia gotcha covered. I'm down. Anything else? Tasha? She knows something vague.

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So yes, we have the four. Yes, the Jamali how has to be our family howdini. Halford deinterleaver

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Yes, Lee beauty is there and we talked about the details. I don't have time to go into today.

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And lineage wealth and religious background so these are the four reasons the criteria that you want to marry or a woman for but the most important one of all as we mentioned, is the religious background. And I'm going to give you a visual Dr. Allah Remember that? He says we said Dean is number one right? So we're going to put it up Dina's number one

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and then she's beautiful to add another zero she's a 10

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Now she comes from a good family at another zero it's 100%

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now she's also Mashallah rich at another zero she's batting 1000 take away the dean, what do you got? three zeros. Enjoy.

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So these are that minimum foundation that you have but when we get on when the chef is talking about the issues, you'll find that when people come to our offices, you know based on what did you say I do? Based on what he did you say I do unless the reason will pay the price. You know, I made him because he came on a white horse with a long hair in the wind and he's coming with the thing you know the 22 thingy. What do you see this? How can I say no to that? And or the other? What did you marry me? My man.

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My heart is aching. My knees are shaking. It's true. I am fake and she doesn't eat bacon. Dude. I gotcha. She doesn't eat bacon. I gotcha. I love you man. Right here. Well, I

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but if you make these assumptions, you're gonna pay the price and that's why we proactive not reactive. This is just a synopsis real quick on that. foundations and a loss of Hana data give you something else. He put two down.

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You hear this verse all the time.

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Woman it and Haleakala come in and forsaken the Tuscany lemon ala and we'll talk about the reason and the purpose. Second, second, you know, sukoon in linguistically is that after the dot, there is no movement second tranquility, peace, harmony.

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What's your alibi in a coma put the two foundations to downpayments mawatha Rama remember mahabis love my wife does much higher than that. Because much bigger purpose much bigger goal to protect yourself, protect her sister have righteous lineage that will make draft for you after the money is spent as a sadhaka. Even the intimate relations you get rewarded for in this so much. So long, long list of things the reward to get married. So he says my word did not muhabba much higher goal than that. And Russia, mercy, we don't have that checklist. I did this. You did that? No, it's not that it is we're on the same team now have mercy upon one another. It is true. Some of the scholars says

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my word that comes from the sisters and Rama comes from the brothers have mercy on another level of associate team effort. I'm going to go a little higher now a little bit on the bigger picture.

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If you think that this whole family issue is just revolving around the household, sadly mistaken, if you go back to Nepal and you'll find out Allah Subhana Allah, Allah is talking about this whole creation, this humanity, the purpose for it is that relationship between the family

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and if you think again, you'll find out that the verses support that theory.

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Go into the word oma, the word oma who we are the nation.

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Where is the word oma come from is derived from what what word?

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The whole oma is actually derived from an own that's why I'm sorry, what did he say? He says, women are half of the oma and they give birth to the other half of the oma so they are the whole oma

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Amazing, isn't it?

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And you think back and find out a lot of us have had an agenda that says the whole creation. The purpose of this whole thing is about this whole family. As such, the whole man is made up nations and then nations are made of countries and the countries are made of what cities cities are made of communities, the communities are made of that family and that's the bedrock of that oma

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Listen again, Allah Subhana Allah viola, these are the verses that were mentioned the federal prayer today.

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Yeah, you know, he's talking to whole humanity now. Yeah, you harness it Dakota back home. And I'm going to give you some verses, and I want you to listen carefully for a keyword, because that's your key to the happiness in this life in the hereafter. And Allah subhanaw taala link that specific key to the family.

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Just in case you're wondering.

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Yeah, you harness the whole humanity, all mankind.

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It tecora by como la de hakomi nuptse wahida. And by the way, it says a taco bacuna de la hakomi says begot hearing because

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conscious

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or the Lord, not Illa not the godhood the Lordship. Rob become the one that provides gives sustenance takes grants and all of that.

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Or a backhoe, levy hakomi gives you that criterias. And the reason why and let the halaqa come, he is the one that created you. And then in the answer to that verse, Allah Allah who will help well, Isn't he the one that created if that's the case, he has also the command. And you'll find out that the Prophet Ibrahim Allah is Allah mentioned that he's talking about his lineage is hearing it when he says, In Nigeria locally nassima I'm making you as an Imam, a leader for everyone else, but he was fearing for something else called a woman zuri Yeti Yama, not just me, but my lineage, his caring about it. And after he asked for the lineage, because it's a family, family issues, family

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business robina hablando Minh as well as in our language Allah, Lil mattina Mama, Allah make our spouses, our children, the apple of our eyes, the beauty of the loom and in this life and make us for that with those who are pious conscious God fearing of Allah subhanaw taala leaders for that. And after this, he says, Oh Allah, not just me, but my birria my lineage. And on top of that, he asked for something where Elina Manasa gonna show us your Allah source or rituals how to follow the guidance, not just haphazard. And by the way, raise your hand please if you had a child that came with a book instructions how to deal with the baby, please, no, you're right. None. They don't come

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with instructions but Allah Subhana Allah give us that under asuna la sala de la mentioned and showed us how

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so again, listen carefully. Dakota Bakula? De hakomi nuptse wahida eluting To whom?

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Adam, la sala one soul.

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Okay, a lineage men, women, and again what Depo la la de Tessa and will not be evil or ham. And again, you got to be conscious, that one that you'll be held accountable on judgment day one or ham, the lineage, the next of kin, the womb, who is he alluding to? Here

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is the understand now this whole creation came from Adam and Eve. And the whole purpose of this was a family how to deal with one another how to come back and you'll find out the key word is repeated again. I'm going to say some more verses. And please listen carefully. That key word is there.

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Yeah, you harness again all mankind in front of nachum we have created you from

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the caring again, male and female. Who are they?

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Yes, Adam and Eve. And then but he says the most noble in the sight of Allah whom tallest, richest, strongest, most beautiful widest, the one that uses Fair and Lovely.

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No, and thanks for playing thanks for coming out. He said at car calm. Listen carefully again.

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Most of us make our decisions based on our kids we travel we get a job but don't get a job the whole life after you hear that lovely sound. The bundle joy comes Guess what? Your whole life changes as you know it.

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Because before that you were just called a husband or a wife. After that you call the mother or father major difference.

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Then

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he said that lineage.

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If you feel for it, he gives you to downpayments

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well yaksha levina otaku calcium Dorinda from halfway la him?

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What are the two down payments? If you really need your progeny offsprings? What is a Swiss bank account and insurance policy?

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No, you're right again. He's fairly a tabula

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rasa. If you notice that board is attached to every relationship, Family Foundation, the purpose of that

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is the PPF for lineage he actually deleted the word fat failure double again and go into letters that decayed right away no procrastination and rush haste. Lamb if the lamb goes into available data to feed,

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the Lamb goes into a present tense that means a command and request that we are going to have Taqwa piety consciousness God fearing a loss of Hannah Angela Viola

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yaku Hola. Sarita with its righteous utterance and joining good forbidding evil. That's the difference among the scholars. But that's the that's the basis and the foundations of it.

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Guess what?

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You drop the ball, the first one.

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There's another chance.

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Surprisingly enough, that word is repeated again. You know, if you drop those

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And you get divorced, something happened. You didn't pick right the first time you made a mistake that allows them how not to Allah actually told you something else, believe it or not listen to this verse and tell me where it was actually, what? What's sort of comes in? Well maybe a tequila. Yeah, gelato who Maharajah wire Sakuma in high school is meant to be la hora de la la if you read the Quran, with the lenses of a family lens or a mother lens or a father's lens, you will read the Quran with a totally different

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perspective.

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Those who have got here in consciousness are piety, love and fear of God, all of that under one word.

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Allah subhanaw taala will give you a way yet from every difficulties of making to ease and give you sustenance from provisions from a source that you never thought of what sutra was this verse revealed in

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the luck

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so what's the key word?

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I'm sorry, is this seven minutes for me or seven mins for the whole session?

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For the whole session?

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Sorry, I'm really sorry. Okay, what's the word key word? That was right. Okay. There's so much to share with you but I respected I'll leave it here. And the Sheikh Abdullah Salah will take us home.

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This is my time. So I thought this was the whole session. I was going to Wow, time flies when you haven't been my Lord.

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Okay, so let's go ahead.

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taqwa is the key.

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You know why if you go back in the Quran again, you'll find out that on Judgement Day and by the way, if you notice that that word is is repeated in the Quran 200 times 200 times and if you notice that word duck was actually equal to judgment day

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and Haffner be him those who believe and do righteous deeds you'll find out that there will actually continue and to have that lineage in on engender, now you'll understand what but the Boolean fusi come. Yeah, Allah Amazing, isn't it? What the Malian possum indeed some of those calluses foreplay, it's there, it's still in the family business. But in retrospect, you're talking about the lineage that will come or proceed you are come with you to Jenna Wakata Maria, was talking about your legacy. What have you left behind? What will you be remembered by the best investment in life as your children

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because if you again if you live for yourself, your actions and deeds will cut off and die with you but if you live for others and help others and have that righteous lineage, your actions and deeds will not be cut off according to the Hadith is a matter of

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the last few actions and deeds will be cut off after you die accepted three Could you help me out? What are the three help them out?

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So the cousin Django, God number two elbonian tailoring the beneficial knowledge three while alongside our coo wallet. Every child not just a son has mistakenly taken every child is born.

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Okay, well could demonium Fusco, if you do righteous this will come to you.

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Now we get the bigger picture.

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Now Allah Subhana Allah mentioned something Thomas takanohana Allah forgive me this actually topic takes two full days. This force live of Allah teaches this course. It's, it takes two full days I'm just giving you headers.

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When Allah Allah Subhana Allah says about that is from stocker Ramos. Tada, you know what Mr. Carrasco does

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in this life, or in the grave, this life in the Hereafter, or even the back of our forefathers in that. So he's telling you, it's a hibbett It's a gift, you're given temporarily. Enjoy it, don't lose it, you can either have to leave them or they will leave you either or you have to understand that gift comes with a package.

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You're not going to pick up on something

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magic, Allah said, you know,

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when we talked about the family,

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and how important it is, and how much people don't have the time because actually one of the reasons is I don't have time. You know, the time management the four DS, do

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delegate, delay, delete, it goes in with the big rock theory remember that because when we have issues because we don't have time, it's it's Fastlane fast food fast everything.

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But if you actually spend the time and I'll tell you the reason why. Because you know either $1 sign dad or a career mama that's what we usually have $1 sign that they see as $1 sign member

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you're there for them when they need you. They're not you're not there, they don't you don't even know. Again by show of hands, raise your hand if you know your your child's favorite color.

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Fantastic. Not one single

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All right.

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So we should get to know to get to know our children. How much time do you spend with them?

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Okay, you know, the average is what? How many? What's the average? How many minutes? Do you mean? How much time you spent with them on the average on the research, if anybody knows

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20 minutes.

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So if they see you as $1 sign when they grow up, they don't need you anymore. You're gone. That's why if you're not there for them, when you're young, they're not going to be there for you in the old, they're going to put you in an old home.

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Before I leave you,

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a man

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comes home from work. son comes knocks on the door.

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Dad, how much they make an hour. Get away from me.

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turns around cries, Father hasn't made a mistake.

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Because son, forgive me. I made $10 an hour says that I save $10 Can I have an hour of your time?

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You know, if you don't spend time with them, you will have to spend time, you will have to spend time with them, but not in a very pleasant place. Either in the hospital, rehab center, police station, or the morgue.

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Please spend time so what I'm asking you to do, I'm asking you to have a date, a specific date for every child you have. I'm asking you is the Maya theory my time, your time, our time family time.

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You book that in your calendar, you invest in the best thing that a God Almighty has given you as a gift.

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You make sure you do that. Otherwise, we're lucky.

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You will lose in this life in the hereafter The choice is yours. to query woman we're not asking you to work enjoy you be the best whatever it is that you can. But make sure you don't lose the best job that you will ever do. I wish I had time to show you a video that I want to share with you. But maybe some other time.

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Do you know who you are?

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You are mothers, your sisters your daughters your auntie your charter touchy, just something one of those. You are everything to us if we haven't respected you enough of it Please forgive us, but allows us to honor you in the seventh heaven. Prophet Mohammed Salim raised the three times higher than us. Isn't that sufficient for you to be proud of who you are? Your mother is Khadija Fatima Do you are the lineage of the best of the best. Don't be fooled. I'll talk about that in a second session. inshallah what I mean, don't be fooled.

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You are the best of us.

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As a matter of fact, is this more shifters? Are they playing with the mess? You're messing with my head now, man?

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I know you know, two minutes, three or four minutes. I'm confused.

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due to budget cuts. Bonus bonus bonus. Okay. Alhamdulillah only here It isn't a Canada you witness this live brother sisters. We are history in the making. They give you a bonus time right here right here.

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Let me tell you why I've seen this. We're lucky enough that I'm not going to go into the issues because this will continue. We'll do the issues. But will la la de la ilaha illa we live your pain.

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We suffer like you suffer. Sometimes we go home and cry.

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We go How could I righteous brother that says La ilaha illAllah. Muhammad Rasulullah does that to another sister? How could assisted that witness the loss of Hannah which is the only deity deserving to be worshipped and Rasulullah saw Salah Mr. Suarez role model and Islam to submit is the way of your life How could you do that to another brother? Is it possible to do that?

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So from now on, I'm going to ask you to do a few things.

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From now on I want you brothers go back and propose to the sister you like that don't you?

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But you come with a nice box of chocolate

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what kind of chocolate you deserve for Sherif Maria or something as a furor researchers is almost one of those. My wife likes that stuff, son. That's the only one I know. You know when you make a mistake brothers

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you go home like that. No, just me again. But Masha Allah the brothers don't make a mistake whatsoever. I'm

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so self righteous, the halos please duck as you go out the door. May Allah help you inshallah.

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And of course, the flower and the poem, right? You do that I want you today to go back to your wife with a beautiful something. Ring. And I want you to go back and propose I want you to start a new life. And I will ever, ever want you to never give up the data in your life. Never stop dating your wife

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because some of the brothers some of us you know when you get married before you get married, what do you do, man?

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You're working out you're pumped You're looking good the hair is done you're doing your your

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everything looks perfect you shine the stuff oh my man as soon as I do What happened? biryani belly comes up we're sitting here life doesn't matter now right you go home Say

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hi Annie

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How are you? The sister starts to crying

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why because you say the words that are affected someone that's you garlic and onion dude.

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And you know you're

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doing you know as you raise your arm the plants die

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and then the painting is

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is peeling off the walls. May Allah help you man. So at least Subhana look at the beauty of Islam. It teaches take a shower once a day once a week. At least Friday please take that. No Why do I get this from Quran?

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Well, I wanna miss Lola de la maruf again, we won't go into details. Okay last one inshallah. As you ask them you should do have them inshallah okay.

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Remember brothers physically based you are emotionally based. When you come in home what happens when the brothers coming home? You know, I'm here to help you we've been working the kids these brain damaged children.

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May Allah help you alight? You know you've been working hard. The husband now is supposed to assume that by the way, give her a heads up next thing we could tell Alicia texting on this one. Are you good? Okay.

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All right. Now all of a sudden, you're

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like you take a shower quickly and you drop your hair down. You know that one?

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Yeah, you know that one. And then you put the towel that looks like a typhoon

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and then you quickly put just before he comes home at night, you put the white cream on right and you put the cucumbers on, or tea bags, all of a sudden your husband comes in at home because

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you

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know, you got to make sure you look the best of tea, not the outside inside. We'll talk about that. Next, inshallah, my time is up May Allah subhanaw taala make your home as a home sweet home. barakallahu li Kamala Khan, I thank you my mom, thanks to my doctor. Thanks to me, I'll make you smile in this dunya in the hereafter Sacramento, Santa Monica,

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Santa Monica

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de la salatu salam ala rasulillah. They gave me 15 minutes. And I have a lot of things to say. So I'm going to put them in point forms. And I'm going to take you on a serious note.

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Three things come to us three, one, people are already married. In this case, there isn't much that we can do. All what advice married people to do is that fish sort out your relationship very carefully, especially in terms of wealth. And I have to bring this because I discovered that 99% of brothers and sisters here do not separate clearly what belongs to the life belongs to the husband. Because in terms of inheritance, one can go before the other. So if the husband dies before, then the woman will inherit from him. If the woman dies before, I mean, the woman dies before the husband will inherit from her. And this is why for the children. So I said this in our Alakazam. But make

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that clear. Even if you sit down hyper celtica do it and it creates lots of problems. I mean details I'll tell you and this is not something that will affect our interviews for the odd people. The second group of people that come to us are people already decided on the Manage, we receive a phone call, and people want to have danika or they want to have the ceremony. I think shala on record, you had one day seven weddings like like one day seven people lined up all of them want to get married. Now we have a lot of community especially around this near daily, we get phone calls and feel bad because sometimes we want to go to what is called Apollo and then you have a wedding here you can't

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run in between. So when you apologize to them, they say all this our children, they are brought in Islam, they want to get married in Islam and so on. So please ahead of time, let us know when your children are getting married. And make sure that you face it. There are three things we do in the center here. One is to book the Imam allow myself to do it to is to book the place because we need to know where you are going. And the third is the time that that's number one. Number two, there is this issue of the duality of the marriage. We have the Islamic Anika and we have the legal issue of it. Now. So Allah is always drawn to this problem. We are not as marriage officers because we are

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licensed by the Government of Ontario to conduct weddings according to this law, no questions. But if you come to us and say you want us to do Anika without papers, we'll be in trouble because you're not supposed to be. We say this is considered what is called common law. Anyone can do it but not the least the demands in the mosque. I think that's one of the things that we have problems with it as well. Now, but the process Many people ask what to do this is for people who already like you already

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Deciding who's going to marry you, or who's going to marry your daughter. And so that's done. All what we advise you to do is want to go to the city hall, pick up the marriage license, call us after that, try to arrange the time and the thing that you need here in the center for us. And then we'll do a take the process from there on, we are licensed to do both like when we signed up, and I know some parents, and I'm going to give you if you want hundreds of cases that are very painful. Actually, this week, somebody called me that he wants to get the care for his daughter. He doesn't want to have the verb because the man is not here. Now, I said, Why do you want to do it because he

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said he wants to send out overseas, I said, if you want to send out overseas, there are two ways of doing it. Get the token from the person from there, like a power of attorney, bring it here, get him married here. But that's going to be another problem, because there is legalities involved in it. So be careful about these things. And make sure you sort all these things out with the people that you are. Now this is for people who already determined to get married, they want to call us. Now most of what I'm going to say are for people, especially younger people, and parents want to get their children married, they are not yet decided to marry on them. There are number of things here that

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they wanted to say, number one, that don't think your children are you. I come from the Sudan, I don't think my children are Sudanese, I'm telling you, there's no sense in the sense that the way I brought up the way I think the way I do this, they are not and you can bring them and they'll tell you this opening now, and we are lucky Alhamdulillah that we develop what we call a safe culture, which is Islamic culture. So the principles that govern our relationship with our children should be Islam. And we have painful stories of children turning this what we call the most joyous moments in their life into miserable situations, because the parents refuse to accept their wedding, the guests

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of the boys run against their parents, and all of that all of this should be reconciled very carefully. And if your daughter your son comes to you, and tells you I'm interested in getting married to somebody, freeze, don't let it ride out, don't actually right from the beginning, say whoa, and we have all these questions people are then becomes a friction between people. Ask them gently see what they think what you are trying to do, try to consult with other people to see who can talk to them best, and so on. Because this is one of the areas that we have lots of problems. And this is why intentionally I related this to when I'm coming to speak to divorce, I'm telling you

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most of the case of divorce actually started the marriage because if anything goes wrong in the marriage, then you carry it with you. Because even marrying the person is at risk. If there is what we call a calculators you don't know the person. And yesterday, the Senate spent a lot of time saying to get this worked out of

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it for a person to understand and know who his wife is. Sometimes it takes a long time. It's not just when you see people you talk to them, you went to university with them. Marriage is whole different game, because it's different relationship altogether. And this is why we advise people to take a lot of time to understand each other. Now, among the thing that I always mentioned to people before you get married, I think not only once not twice, not thrice, but 10 times have he want to get married to it. I'm talking about both genders. And if you are a girl, you want to marry a man or a boy, make sure that you understand the person tried to know him. And in Islam, there are two

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processes. One is the hematoma. And this is mentioned in the Quran. And that means when a person makes a proposal, I'm going to tell you the rules of it. And it helps you to understand him by means a person will propose to another person or family proposal, a lot of family and they take time, this time, this period of time, this is not marriage, and they are governed by all the rules in Islam that govern the gender like as a man alone. And in this field, you have to ask all the questions you want. You can like investigate everything you want to do ask all the detailed questions, because most of the time people come after them. I didn't say I didn't ask this. I didn't know that. So at

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this time, you can ask anything. Now, the most important part of this is this, that again, I'm going to say this, and I'm going to repeat it. I always say that when you get people on it. It is women who marry men. Sister, do you understand what I'm saying? It is women who marry men. What I mean by that is that when a woman wants to get married, the job which is the offer to the marriage comes from the girls. And it comes out of her absolute Free Will I always repeat these words without being forced pressured all of this literature of forced marriages, arranged marriages. It has no place in Islam. And this is why a woman when you when you think of marriage, you think that you are going to

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choose a person that you are going to choose him in Islamic technology to be an IRS, which means your head of your household, and this choice should happen freely. Yes, the parents can help you we can help you friends can

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Help you relatives can help you all of that. But the mask decision is yours. And no one can force us to lay against our will. The Prophet alayhi salatu salam made it very clear that you cannot force a girl against a person by their islamically. And legally, it is against the law, I can't marry again. And it happened, by the way happened in one instance, it was very painful that this girl stopped crying, she said, I'm being forced into this, I don't want to marry this person. And it was a drama. So reconcile all these issues before you get married. Now when the woman makes the job, which is the offer to the lads, and we said this many times, she can make it directly by herself, or she can

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delegate her father or her uncle or her elder, somebody tattooed on her behalf. But this person will act as if his or her lawyer. And then when she makes that, yep, the man has to accept now I'm telling the boys, when you accept to marry again, you accept by the following by word of mouth, by your intentions, because this is a relationship that's governed by Allah subhanaw taala. And by your willingness to look after her financially, back to the systems, women have no obligation financially towards men, period. And this was an original Kawamoto ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba Ba, would be my mean,

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this is why I'm attempting to get it says for slightly had to have a lot of little late. What this means that men are fully in charge of women, they take responsibility of that. And then pious woman will accept this relationship when they do it. And this has to be understood right from the beginning, the bottom line of the where they say, if you don't feel this is the husband, that you want to put him in the

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head of your household, to have him as your image, dot Maria, look for somebody else, because that's what the business of the marriage is. On the other side that we have the last thing because I'm running out of time, they give me a very short time by the way to speak. And this is the question of the families. Now, parents, when your children get married, instead of their lives, let them try their own. Let them try their life that they make their mistakes. Because 90% of marriages break because of the family involvement. Because the mother was to have her son to be him, not her. She wants him to dictate anything, you want to do anything for them. And sometimes children like that

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space of their own yesterday, I think the therapist mentioned it. I know a girl because her father is a multi millionaire, multi millionaire. She told me I don't feel comfortable living in the household of my father, I want to live an apartment, you know, those apartments where when somebody runs on the on the top floor, you hear him down, she wants to live that way. And I told her father, let her take her time and Hamlet, she feels very happy and so on. So this other thing that I just want to bring to you right from the beginning, before you think of getting the rest we are there. And the last thing they want to say is before you get into anything, please consult with us, don't

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come to us after a problem. Come to us before that, because we will make you avoid the problems and to avoid problems in marriages is much more better than falling to problem Sharma. Now, I don't have much to say because I see I have just a couple of minutes left. But I said this to you because I want you to understand that marriage is one of the things that there is a lot of risk of it. I mean, you marry a person you don't know families, especially here. And one of the problems that we have here because people marry from different families and so on. The one thing that I want you to keep in mind, don't refuse a young man, because he's not very rich, because this is the commander from

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LA. He said when I am in Kumasi, the enemy ma

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Nam, an El kulu for Cora, literally if you underline this one that says if they are poor, he akula you're gonna come along for the bad even they are poor, Allah will enrich them. So don't make this the criteria for every one of us who started poor Allah subhanaw taala opens door for people to be because everyone has the potential to be good. And if they are poor, Allah will enrich them. The Prophet alayhi salatu salam, he says, everyone comes to the desk, the wife comes to service provision, as child comes in, don't even stop having children because every single child, you don't provide them Allah subhanaw taala provide them, Allah provide you and then Allah says another verse,

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Allah provide you on them and provide them and you which means with you or without you, their provision is there. So one of the things that I have actually right I'm standing in front of you, in my mind to three people are complaining that they are rejected simply because they don't fit that criteria of being among the rich people. Let the people try it. May Allah subhanaw taala bless them. And please pray for your children when they want to get them married. That cannot Allah give them the pious people, make them happy and make it easier for you. And then

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Does that allow higher Solomonic