Ahmad Saleem – Seeds of Iman Parenting – Nurturing Faith Growing Strong Believers

Ahmad Saleem
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AI: Summary ©

The speakers emphasize the importance of parenting and building relationships with children in order to build confidence and values. They stress the need for flexibility and the importance of creating rules for risk and surrounding one's environment. The speakers also emphasize the importance of learning and building a strong will in order to achieve Islam, and the challenges of parenting children and creating a positive environment for them. They suggest attending classes the next day to learn more about the process, and invite parents to participate.

AI: Summary ©

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			Bismillah ar-Rahman ar-Raheem, Bismillah walhamdulillah wa
		
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			salatu wa salamu ala rasoolillahi wa ba'd Rabbish
		
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			rahli sadri wa isri li amri wa ahlu
		
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			lughlatan min lisani yafqahu qawli rabbana azidna a
		
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			'ilman ya kareem.
		
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			My name is Ahmed Sareem, I'm from Atlanta,
		
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			I was here I think in summer, it
		
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			was quite hot in summer but still hot.
		
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			It's pretty cold in Atlanta right now and
		
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			Canada is even colder.
		
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			But anyhow, this time around I was asked
		
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			to talk about something more broader and then
		
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			the discussions went into the direction of parenting
		
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			and being able to discuss a little bit
		
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			about parenting.
		
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			What I'm presenting to you today is a
		
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			culmination of multiple research papers slash various books
		
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			written on the concept of parenting in Islam,
		
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			what it means to be a parent as
		
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			a Muslim and also this is a small
		
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			sliver of a greater workshop that I usually
		
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			do which is called Teenage Matters.
		
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			This is just one of the four sections
		
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			of that greater workshop that takes around 6
		
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			-8 hours, it's called Teenage Matters and it's
		
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			specifically targeted towards parents who have teenagers or
		
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			soon to be teenagers like 8, 9, 10.
		
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			So what we're talking about today is going
		
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			to be relevant whether you have teenagers, whether
		
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			you're going to have teenagers, whether you don't
		
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			have kids and inshallah Allah will bless you
		
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			with a kid.
		
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			Whichever stage you're in you will benefit from
		
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			this, whether you have your siblings, all of
		
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			this will help you inshallah.
		
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			A lot of the research that is here,
		
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			the credit goes to one education institute based
		
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			out of Pakistan, it's called ERDC.
		
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			Who knows what ERDC is?
		
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			Anybody know ERDC?
		
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			Good.
		
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			So ERDC is Education Research and Development Center
		
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			and they primarily focus on doing grassroots psychology
		
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			and sociology research on Muslim paradigms and they
		
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			bring Muslim paradigms of parenting, of marriage and
		
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			stuff that is inspired by a religion and
		
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			that brings the best of the western world
		
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			but not necessarily copying the western world.
		
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			Recreating those models so that they conform to
		
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			our values.
		
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			And then if we need to add some
		
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			meat from the western researchers then we can
		
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			do that.
		
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			So before we begin, what is the greater
		
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			goal of parenting?
		
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			And again this is going to be a
		
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			very interactive session so the more you participate
		
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			the better it is going to be and
		
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			then afterwards we can have Q&A.
		
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			What's the greater goal of parenting, yes?
		
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			Okay, so they are good Muslims.
		
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			Somebody else?
		
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			What's the greater goal of parenting?
		
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			It's going to be a lot better if
		
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			we all participate inshaAllah, otherwise I'll start picking.
		
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			And when I pick on you I won't
		
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			move on to the next.
		
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			So what's the greater goal of parenting?
		
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			Yeah?
		
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			There's no right and wrong, we're trying to
		
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			have a discussion.
		
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			Okay, so to leave a child behind that
		
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			when you have left the world that he
		
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			makes du'a for you or she makes
		
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			du'a for you.
		
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			Somebody else?
		
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			Yeah?
		
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			Okay, so somebody who is functioning and has
		
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			the innate capability to navigate the challenges of
		
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			the world and live through.
		
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			Excellent.
		
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			So the greater goal of parenting, I know
		
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			we didn't set these up for this but
		
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			maybe what I'll do after the workshop or
		
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			actually let me do it now.
		
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			Are you guys somehow connected to a WhatsApp
		
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			community group or something?
		
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			Okay, perfect.
		
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			Let me just do this because I wanted
		
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			to display this but again, so what I'll
		
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			do is I will send, oh what is
		
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			this code, I need to add this code,
		
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			sorry?
		
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			There's something going on so it's okay.
		
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			I asked so it's okay, it's okay, no
		
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			worries.
		
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			I'm gonna send it to you, Ibrahim, I'm
		
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			gonna send it to you right now and
		
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			if you can please share it in the
		
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			WhatsApp group so somebody, you know, this would
		
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			just make it a whole lot easier for
		
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			all of us.
		
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			So, export, PDF, export,
		
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			continue, share and Ibrahim.
		
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			Okay, I've shared it with brother Ibrahim and
		
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			inshallah he will share it with all of
		
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			you inshallah, did you get it?
		
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			It says sent from my end.
		
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			Are you using an iPhone?
		
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			Are you on iPhone or Android?
		
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			iPhone?
		
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			Alhamdulillah, you have the right aqeedah, you shouldn't
		
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			have a problem.
		
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			Okay, I think I resent it, I should
		
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			have gotten it, got it?
		
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			Okay, so he's gonna share this with all
		
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			of you so if you are on that
		
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			community group, you guys can get it, it
		
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			will just be a whole lot easier for
		
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			you to follow me.
		
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			So in the absence of that, just think
		
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			with me like this for a second, I'll
		
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			just flip this over here for you guys
		
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			to see on the screen for now.
		
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			So in the bottom, you have something called
		
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			confidence, right?
		
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			You have the layer of confidence and on
		
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			top, you have two elements, you have creativity
		
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			and character, okay?
		
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			So you have confidence in the bottom and
		
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			you have creativity and character and each one
		
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			of these boxes are, we have enough evidences
		
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			from the seerah of Rasulullah ﷺ as well
		
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			as the sahaba ikram that we know that
		
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			they were trying to do this.
		
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			So give me a story from the seerah
		
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			about confidence where Prophet ﷺ was trying to
		
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			instill confidence in a child.
		
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			All of them?
		
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			Oh, I was like, well that's a select
		
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			all.
		
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			So before the death of Rasulullah ﷺ just
		
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			a few weeks before, Abu Bakr is there,
		
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			Umar is there, Uthman is there and there
		
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			was a conquest that was being sent and
		
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			Usama ibn Zaid who happened to be a
		
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			16 year old at that time or 17,
		
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			he was asked to lead the entire Muslim
		
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			army.
		
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			Now what happened at the time of Abu
		
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			Bakr radiallahu anhu, Umar radiallahu anhu got up
		
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			and he said, Ya Ameer ul Mumineen, come
		
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			on like we are here, like I am
		
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			here, Uthman is here, Ali is here.
		
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			Like Usama, let's be realistic, yes Rasulullah made
		
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			the decision but he is no longer with
		
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			us and circumstances have changed and we have
		
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			to re-evaluate this decision and he said,
		
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			you want me to change the choice of
		
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			Rasulullah ﷺ?
		
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			If you read the explanation of this story,
		
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			it says that this was a subtle indication
		
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			by Prophet ﷺ, one of the last political
		
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			assignments, like politically speaking as a general and
		
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			as a political leader, he says he is
		
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			going to lead this particular department or this
		
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			particular conquest.
		
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			The last decision that he made was to
		
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			ensure that a person in the age of
		
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			17, 18 was appointed to lead an entire
		
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			army.
		
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			Can you imagine the confidence?
		
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			I mean there were definitely more skilled people
		
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			than him, Khalid ibn Waleed was there, like
		
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			there were way more skilled people but building
		
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			confidence, time and again you will see from
		
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			the stories of Prophet ﷺ that he did
		
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			that.
		
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			Give me another story, I have some stories
		
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			too but I just want to know if
		
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			you guys, ya, I heard someone say something
		
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			here, no, no, not
		
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			this one, somebody else from the sisters.
		
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			A story where you see Prophet ﷺ trying
		
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			to build confidence in the child, anyone?
		
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			What about the story when Prophet ﷺ, he
		
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			was in the market and a young boy,
		
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			he had started up a small entrepreneur type
		
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			of a shop and all he was selling
		
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			was marak, he was selling soup and the
		
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			story mentions that Rasulullah ﷺ, he enters the
		
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			market and then he sees this young boy
		
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			trying to set up, he goes up to
		
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			him, walks up to him and he says,
		
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			Ya Ghulam, atabat marakuk, is your soup ready?
		
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			So this young boy, with his confidence that
		
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			was instilled but out of all the vendors
		
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			Rasulullah ﷺ comes to me, he says, Naam
		
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			ya Rasulullah laqad tabat marak, my soup is
		
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			definitely ready.
		
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			So then Rasulullah ﷺ lifts the lid, grabs
		
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			a piece of bone and suckles on it
		
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			and says Naam, laqad tabat marakuk, your soup
		
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			is ready.
		
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			If it was any one of us that
		
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			was more experienced in cooking, we would be
		
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			like, listen, there's a salt a little bit
		
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			less here and maybe a little bit saffron,
		
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			we would just get that.
		
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			Think about it, it's his first time he's
		
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			setting up something and cooking a soup.
		
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			You really think Rasulullah ﷺ has had better
		
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			soups, definitely.
		
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			We would take the courtesy, no, no, we're
		
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			doing khair for you, inshaAllah, we'll tell you
		
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			how to make a better soup inshaAllah, better
		
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			nihari.
		
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			All of you that knows, right?
		
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			If you've made nihari or if you've made
		
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			any biryani or maqlooba, first time, you're so
		
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			excited about it, what do we say?
		
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			It's okay, but the rice, arroz mu mustawi,
		
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			alhamdulillah, ala kulli hal mutaz, but we give
		
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			on one hand and on the other hand
		
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			we take away all the confidence.
		
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			So, one of the essential elements, building blocks,
		
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			without which the parenting or the tarbiyah or
		
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			the development of child cannot take place.
		
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			The building block, the foundation is confidence.
		
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			You want to know how much confidence Rasulullah
		
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			ﷺ had instilled in the children?
		
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			Obviously, with character along, just confidence without character
		
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			is battameezi, right?
		
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			It's just like a misbehaved child, right?
		
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			You also want to develop character.
		
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			Imagine this, Ibn Abbas is sitting on the
		
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			right hand of Rasulullah ﷺ and Abu Bakr
		
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			on their left hand and then a bowl
		
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			of milk comes.
		
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			We all know the story, but look at
		
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			it from the lens of confidence.
		
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			So he ﷺ turns completely to Ibn Abbas.
		
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			The narrator says he physically pivots and then
		
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			he says, would you give me permission that
		
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			I give this bowl of milk to Abu
		
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			Bakr who's on the left?
		
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			What does Ibn Abbas say?
		
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			La ya Rasulullah, there's no way.
		
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			Then he looks at Abu Bakr and he's
		
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			like, well, it's his right, he's on the
		
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			right.
		
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			He said, if it was a bowl of
		
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			milk from the hands of anyone else, I
		
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			would have.
		
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			But how can I say no to the
		
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			milk that was given to me by your
		
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			hands, O Prophet of Allah?
		
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			And you'll see time and again during extreme
		
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			winter cold nights, those of you that have
		
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			been to Medina in the winter, you know
		
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			how cold it can get at night.
		
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			You need sometimes a jacket and they call
		
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			it the Sahrawi cold, right?
		
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			In Medina, there's a specific type of cold,
		
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			like it goes into our bones, right?
		
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			There's something about the cold there.
		
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			In that cold, people in the morning would
		
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			bring their bowls, as it is mentioned in
		
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			Sirah, water bowls, and what would Rasulullah ﷺ
		
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			do?
		
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			What was the purpose of bringing these bowls?
		
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			And all these kids would line up after
		
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			Fajr.
		
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			What was the purpose?
		
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			All Prophet ﷺ would do, is he would
		
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			take his mubarak hands, and it is in
		
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			so many authentic narrations that he would dip
		
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			his hands in there, and they would take
		
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			that water as a source of barakah, and
		
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			they would walk away.
		
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			But imagine the pain of Rasulullah ﷺ, that
		
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			in that cold night, you don't know when
		
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			the sun is coming out, you don't have
		
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			a watch, it's like 54 minutes before sunrise,
		
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			and he is dipping his cold, how many
		
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			times is he dipping his hands?
		
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			But imagine, sometimes we think it was a
		
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			mechanical process, where Rasulullah ﷺ was sitting like,
		
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			right?
		
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			Even the kid finds it funny, right?
		
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			We sometimes think it was, no, do you
		
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			really think Rasulullah ﷺ did not have a
		
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			conversation, he didn't tap on the cheek, right?
		
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			He didn't caress the child, and imagine that
		
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			child's feeling when he goes back, and tells
		
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			his mom, tells his dad, oh today Rasulullah,
		
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			he, you know, stroked my hair.
		
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			All of those memories, they were so etched
		
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			in the psyche of these children, that many
		
00:16:05 --> 00:16:08
			of the narrations it says, all of the
		
00:16:08 --> 00:16:13
			people who have described the softness of the
		
00:16:13 --> 00:16:16
			hands of Rasulullah ﷺ, are all children who
		
00:16:16 --> 00:16:18
			are under the age of 10.
		
00:16:21 --> 00:16:25
			They would say, I have never touched something
		
00:16:25 --> 00:16:30
			softer than silk than the hands of Rasulullah
		
00:16:30 --> 00:16:31
			ﷺ.
		
00:16:33 --> 00:16:38
			Another narrator says, that the day Rasulullah ﷺ
		
00:16:38 --> 00:16:40
			shook hands with me, right?
		
00:16:40 --> 00:16:44
			He says, I could smell the scent of
		
00:16:44 --> 00:16:50
			Rasulullah ﷺ until the next Jum'ah, I
		
00:16:50 --> 00:16:51
			could smell the scent.
		
00:16:52 --> 00:16:56
			Another narrator says, these are all young narrators,
		
00:16:56 --> 00:16:58
			Ali and they were all under 15 age,
		
00:17:00 --> 00:17:03
			but Rasulullah ﷺ built so much confidence in
		
00:17:03 --> 00:17:05
			them, right?
		
00:17:05 --> 00:17:08
			So, when we say the greater goals of
		
00:17:08 --> 00:17:11
			parenting, I'm not specifically attributing it to the
		
00:17:11 --> 00:17:14
			nucleus families, but even masajids.
		
00:17:15 --> 00:17:18
			Even masajids, when you see a child who's
		
00:17:18 --> 00:17:23
			not happy, they're not smiling, the onus is
		
00:17:23 --> 00:17:25
			on the elders to go and check on
		
00:17:25 --> 00:17:27
			him, to see what happened.
		
00:17:28 --> 00:17:29
			I remember once I was praying in the
		
00:17:29 --> 00:17:32
			masjid and I saw, I think he was
		
00:17:32 --> 00:17:34
			13-14 year old, and you could tell,
		
00:17:35 --> 00:17:38
			you could tell that this child is having
		
00:17:38 --> 00:17:42
			a horrible day, just by looking at him.
		
00:17:43 --> 00:17:45
			So, I went up to him and I
		
00:17:45 --> 00:17:47
			said, what's going on?
		
00:17:47 --> 00:17:49
			It seems like you're having a very rough
		
00:17:49 --> 00:17:49
			day.
		
00:17:50 --> 00:17:53
			And he told me, my grandfather died 10
		
00:17:53 --> 00:17:55
			minutes ago, right?
		
00:17:55 --> 00:17:59
			We see those things around, but then that
		
00:17:59 --> 00:18:02
			child would remember and he will attach a
		
00:18:02 --> 00:18:05
			sense of confidence to the center, to the
		
00:18:05 --> 00:18:09
			people, to the affinity, to the masjid, and
		
00:18:09 --> 00:18:11
			to the people that he interacts with.
		
00:18:12 --> 00:18:14
			So, confidence is the foundational layer.
		
00:18:16 --> 00:18:20
			Now above confidence is character and creativity.
		
00:18:21 --> 00:18:26
			Now when the child is born, the child
		
00:18:26 --> 00:18:30
			is born with almost perfect operating system.
		
00:18:31 --> 00:18:35
			One of the most difficult things to do
		
00:18:35 --> 00:18:38
			in a human being's life is to master
		
00:18:38 --> 00:18:39
			a new language.
		
00:18:41 --> 00:18:44
			And the child did that without the intervention
		
00:18:44 --> 00:18:45
			of a parent.
		
00:18:46 --> 00:18:47
			He didn't need your help or my help
		
00:18:47 --> 00:18:48
			to learn the language.
		
00:18:50 --> 00:18:53
			Allah has built, sent a beautiful operating system
		
00:18:53 --> 00:18:54
			of that child.
		
00:18:55 --> 00:18:58
			If that child is given the right opportunities
		
00:18:58 --> 00:19:03
			to display creativity and to display good character
		
00:19:03 --> 00:19:06
			naturally, they are born with that.
		
00:19:07 --> 00:19:10
			What is the saddest thing that you see,
		
00:19:11 --> 00:19:15
			right, is somebody who is less pure trying
		
00:19:15 --> 00:19:17
			to fix somebody who is pure.
		
00:19:18 --> 00:19:20
			What do I mean by that?
		
00:19:20 --> 00:19:22
			If a child today at age 7, 8,
		
00:19:23 --> 00:19:25
			9, 10, before the age of puberty dies,
		
00:19:25 --> 00:19:25
			where does he go?
		
00:19:27 --> 00:19:28
			Where does he go?
		
00:19:29 --> 00:19:29
			Jannah.
		
00:19:31 --> 00:19:33
			If you and I die, where do we
		
00:19:33 --> 00:19:33
			go?
		
00:19:35 --> 00:19:36
			Nobody is saying Jannah right now.
		
00:19:38 --> 00:19:42
			People are like, I don't know, Junaina, maybe,
		
00:19:43 --> 00:19:45
			small Jannah, right?
		
00:19:45 --> 00:19:47
			We don't have that confidence.
		
00:19:48 --> 00:19:51
			Because until the child is baligh, he is,
		
00:19:51 --> 00:19:54
			you know, his counter is zero.
		
00:19:56 --> 00:19:57
			He's pure.
		
00:19:58 --> 00:20:01
			And he requires environments where they can build
		
00:20:01 --> 00:20:05
			creativity, where they can build their character.
		
00:20:07 --> 00:20:13
			Now, character, numerous examples of Rasulullah ﷺ teaching
		
00:20:13 --> 00:20:15
			children of adab.
		
00:20:16 --> 00:20:18
			Teaching children adab.
		
00:20:19 --> 00:20:20
			Give me an example of that.
		
00:20:22 --> 00:20:26
			Where did Rasulullah ﷺ teach adab to a
		
00:20:26 --> 00:20:26
			child?
		
00:20:27 --> 00:20:30
			Character, who knows?
		
00:20:31 --> 00:20:32
			One story.
		
00:20:34 --> 00:20:45
			Yes, beautiful.
		
00:20:46 --> 00:20:49
			So when younger children wanted to join the
		
00:20:49 --> 00:20:52
			army or the warfare, Prophet ﷺ would teach
		
00:20:52 --> 00:20:53
			them the adab of seeking permission of the
		
00:20:53 --> 00:20:54
			parents.
		
00:20:55 --> 00:20:58
			When they were eating food with Rasulullah ﷺ,
		
00:20:58 --> 00:21:02
			he would say, say Bismillah, eat from that
		
00:21:02 --> 00:21:03
			which is in front of you.
		
00:21:04 --> 00:21:07
			Today we have the biggest issue that we
		
00:21:07 --> 00:21:10
			face as an ummah, is we have an
		
00:21:10 --> 00:21:13
			entire generation that does not know basic adab,
		
00:21:14 --> 00:21:15
			basic characters.
		
00:21:17 --> 00:21:19
			When an elder walks in, I still remember
		
00:21:19 --> 00:21:23
			my grandfather, rahimahullah, when he walked in the
		
00:21:23 --> 00:21:27
			house, again I was a teenage, Canadian teenager,
		
00:21:28 --> 00:21:28
			right?
		
00:21:28 --> 00:21:30
			But I remember my dad is like, boom,
		
00:21:30 --> 00:21:30
			get up.
		
00:21:31 --> 00:21:33
			You can't be sitting on the sofa, your
		
00:21:33 --> 00:21:34
			grandfather just walked in.
		
00:21:35 --> 00:21:38
			Go grab the bags from him, right?
		
00:21:38 --> 00:21:39
			And you were taught those.
		
00:21:42 --> 00:21:44
			Today like, doesn't matter if it's elder, doesn't
		
00:21:44 --> 00:21:46
			matter if it's a guest, how many times
		
00:21:46 --> 00:21:49
			do our children have that character, that discipline
		
00:21:49 --> 00:21:53
			to display the etiquettes of how to behave
		
00:21:53 --> 00:21:54
			in a majlis.
		
00:21:55 --> 00:21:58
			Now if you look at the schools through
		
00:21:58 --> 00:22:03
			which most, except one, most of the presidents
		
00:22:03 --> 00:22:06
			of America have graduated from, right?
		
00:22:06 --> 00:22:09
			You will find that one of the heavy
		
00:22:09 --> 00:22:14
			emphasis in those private schools is etiquettes.
		
00:22:14 --> 00:22:17
			They actually have classes, like they have one
		
00:22:17 --> 00:22:20
			hour and thirty minute class a day on
		
00:22:20 --> 00:22:21
			etiquettes.
		
00:22:22 --> 00:22:26
			How to walk, how to put your shoes
		
00:22:26 --> 00:22:29
			on the shelf, how to put your shoes
		
00:22:29 --> 00:22:30
			on the shelf.
		
00:22:30 --> 00:22:32
			You go there at the Jummah time, alhamdulillah,
		
00:22:33 --> 00:22:33
			right?
		
00:22:33 --> 00:22:36
			Like Shaykh Yasir Burjess, you know, Hafizullah, he
		
00:22:36 --> 00:22:39
			used to say, a masjid's culture is known
		
00:22:39 --> 00:22:41
			by the shoe racks they keep.
		
00:22:43 --> 00:22:44
			You want to know what type of a
		
00:22:44 --> 00:22:45
			masjid they have?
		
00:22:45 --> 00:22:47
			Walk on Jummah and see how the shoe
		
00:22:47 --> 00:22:49
			places, right?
		
00:22:49 --> 00:22:51
			You know what Shaykh Yasir Burjess does?
		
00:22:51 --> 00:22:52
			If he is not giving the Jummah and
		
00:22:52 --> 00:22:54
			he's in the majlis, if any shoes are
		
00:22:54 --> 00:22:55
			there, he grabs them and throws them in
		
00:22:55 --> 00:22:56
			the garbage.
		
00:22:57 --> 00:22:59
			He did that for three weeks, nobody puts
		
00:22:59 --> 00:23:02
			their shoes on the ground anymore, at all.
		
00:23:03 --> 00:23:08
			When expensive Jordans go missing, it hurts, okay?
		
00:23:09 --> 00:23:09
			It hurts.
		
00:23:10 --> 00:23:14
			So, character without adab, we cannot teach anything
		
00:23:14 --> 00:23:16
			to a child.
		
00:23:16 --> 00:23:19
			And when they are pure, they are literally
		
00:23:19 --> 00:23:22
			like a sponge, they will absorb every adab
		
00:23:22 --> 00:23:22
			you teach them.
		
00:23:23 --> 00:23:25
			And then the other part is creativity.
		
00:23:26 --> 00:23:30
			The child is naturally inquisitive about things.
		
00:23:31 --> 00:23:33
			How many of you have given your children,
		
00:23:33 --> 00:23:35
			if they grew up or before, give them
		
00:23:35 --> 00:23:37
			a car that was in a remote control
		
00:23:37 --> 00:23:39
			car, RC car.
		
00:23:40 --> 00:23:43
			None of you had those cars, masjid, deprived
		
00:23:43 --> 00:23:43
			community.
		
00:23:44 --> 00:23:46
			None of you had RC cars?
		
00:23:47 --> 00:23:48
			Alhamdulillah, one person, I feel good.
		
00:23:49 --> 00:23:51
			I had a Batmobile when I was a
		
00:23:51 --> 00:23:52
			kid.
		
00:23:52 --> 00:23:53
			When I was 16 or 14, I had
		
00:23:53 --> 00:23:55
			a Batmobile, right?
		
00:23:56 --> 00:24:00
			Batman forever or whatever, that Batmobile.
		
00:24:02 --> 00:24:04
			Now, if the child is inquisitive, what do
		
00:24:04 --> 00:24:05
			they do with that car?
		
00:24:07 --> 00:24:08
			After they are done playing with it, now
		
00:24:08 --> 00:24:10
			it's no longer fascinating for them.
		
00:24:10 --> 00:24:11
			What's the next thing they do?
		
00:24:12 --> 00:24:13
			Take it apart.
		
00:24:14 --> 00:24:16
			They take it apart, they are like, what
		
00:24:16 --> 00:24:17
			is moving this thing?
		
00:24:17 --> 00:24:19
			Why is this thing moving?
		
00:24:21 --> 00:24:23
			And what's the general response of a parent?
		
00:24:25 --> 00:24:26
			Haram, what are you doing?
		
00:24:26 --> 00:24:29
			A'udhu Billah, I paid $50 for that.
		
00:24:30 --> 00:24:31
			You're going to open this thing?
		
00:24:32 --> 00:24:34
			The very thing that the child was born
		
00:24:34 --> 00:24:38
			to do, to ask questions, we stifle questions.
		
00:24:41 --> 00:24:42
			Don't ask me too many questions.
		
00:24:44 --> 00:24:46
			Ek toh tumhare sawali nahi band hota hai.
		
00:24:47 --> 00:24:52
			Your questions, la hawla wala khutaa, maani faadi,
		
00:24:52 --> 00:24:53
			I don't have time for you.
		
00:24:55 --> 00:24:58
			See, if your child is not coming to
		
00:24:58 --> 00:25:03
			you and asking you new questions within a
		
00:25:03 --> 00:25:07
			week, you do not have a relationship with
		
00:25:07 --> 00:25:07
			your child.
		
00:25:10 --> 00:25:12
			If they're not coming to you and asking
		
00:25:12 --> 00:25:15
			you new questions, Baba, what is this?
		
00:25:15 --> 00:25:16
			Mama, what is this?
		
00:25:17 --> 00:25:21
			Then know that you have been disqualified in
		
00:25:21 --> 00:25:23
			the eyes of that child as a parent.
		
00:25:24 --> 00:25:25
			They don't see you as a role model.
		
00:25:27 --> 00:25:29
			And the same goes for teachers and the
		
00:25:29 --> 00:25:31
			same goes for mentors in the masajid.
		
00:25:35 --> 00:25:37
			Now, this Islam being parenting model, we spend
		
00:25:37 --> 00:25:40
			around two hours explaining this, right?
		
00:25:40 --> 00:25:41
			I'm just trying to do it in 15
		
00:25:41 --> 00:25:43
			minutes so we can actually move on to
		
00:25:43 --> 00:25:44
			the next part, right?
		
00:25:44 --> 00:25:46
			So we spend around two hours going into
		
00:25:46 --> 00:25:47
			details of character.
		
00:25:47 --> 00:25:49
			There's like five different paradigms and the character.
		
00:25:49 --> 00:25:52
			There are three different paradigms and the creativity
		
00:25:52 --> 00:25:54
			and then confidence and all of that.
		
00:25:54 --> 00:25:56
			So you understand the paradigm completely.
		
00:25:56 --> 00:25:59
			Now, what is the foundation?
		
00:25:59 --> 00:26:02
			If I was to say, for a mother
		
00:26:02 --> 00:26:06
			or a father, they must look dash.
		
00:26:08 --> 00:26:09
			And if you were to fill in this
		
00:26:09 --> 00:26:13
			word dash, a mother or a father in
		
00:26:13 --> 00:26:16
			the house must look dash.
		
00:26:17 --> 00:26:18
			What is that word dash?
		
00:26:18 --> 00:26:23
			That is the prerequisite for you to have
		
00:26:23 --> 00:26:25
			a relationship with your child.
		
00:26:27 --> 00:26:27
			What's that word?
		
00:26:30 --> 00:26:31
			Fill in the blanks.
		
00:26:33 --> 00:26:34
			What is that dash?
		
00:26:35 --> 00:26:37
			A father must look dash.
		
00:26:37 --> 00:26:40
			A mother must look dash in the house.
		
00:26:43 --> 00:26:44
			You can switch.
		
00:26:44 --> 00:26:44
			Sorry.
		
00:26:46 --> 00:26:47
			Approachable.
		
00:26:49 --> 00:26:50
			Anyone?
		
00:26:53 --> 00:26:54
			Come on, I'm not going to tell you
		
00:26:54 --> 00:26:55
			guys.
		
00:26:56 --> 00:26:57
			Somebody said it.
		
00:26:59 --> 00:27:00
			Respectful.
		
00:27:04 --> 00:27:04
			Neutral.
		
00:27:08 --> 00:27:09
			I didn't understand what he said.
		
00:27:11 --> 00:27:11
			Parental?
		
00:27:12 --> 00:27:13
			Absolutely not.
		
00:27:15 --> 00:27:17
			Like that's going to make sure that the
		
00:27:17 --> 00:27:18
			child doesn't even come to you.
		
00:27:21 --> 00:27:22
			Patient?
		
00:27:22 --> 00:27:22
			No.
		
00:27:24 --> 00:27:24
			Huh?
		
00:27:25 --> 00:27:26
			Happy.
		
00:27:27 --> 00:27:34
			The number one prerequisite through research that determines
		
00:27:34 --> 00:27:41
			your child's mental health is the happiness of
		
00:27:41 --> 00:27:43
			the father and the happiness of the mother
		
00:27:43 --> 00:27:44
			in the house.
		
00:27:45 --> 00:27:51
			Nothing, no therapy, no mental health classes, no
		
00:27:51 --> 00:27:55
			drugs have a greater impact on the child's
		
00:27:55 --> 00:28:00
			mental health and the child's ability to develop
		
00:28:00 --> 00:28:04
			confidence than having happy parents in the house.
		
00:28:06 --> 00:28:09
			Because they feel a sense of security.
		
00:28:10 --> 00:28:13
			They feel that when they come home, they
		
00:28:13 --> 00:28:14
			can be happy.
		
00:28:15 --> 00:28:17
			Now that doesn't mean as a mother or
		
00:28:17 --> 00:28:19
			father, you're not going through things, but not
		
00:28:19 --> 00:28:20
			in front of your child.
		
00:28:21 --> 00:28:22
			Not in front of your teenager.
		
00:28:23 --> 00:28:24
			You cannot.
		
00:28:25 --> 00:28:26
			You don't.
		
00:28:27 --> 00:28:34
			Look at every example of Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi
		
00:28:34 --> 00:28:36
			Wasallam, of Umar Radiallahu Anhu, Abu Bakr.
		
00:28:37 --> 00:28:39
			In the house, always happy.
		
00:28:41 --> 00:28:48
			Without happiness, staying happy, you cannot build confidence
		
00:28:48 --> 00:28:49
			in your child.
		
00:28:49 --> 00:28:51
			Now, staying happy.
		
00:28:53 --> 00:28:54
			What is happiness?
		
00:28:54 --> 00:28:55
			Let's first define that.
		
00:28:56 --> 00:28:57
			How does happiness look like?
		
00:28:57 --> 00:28:58
			First thing that you have to be doing
		
00:28:58 --> 00:28:59
			is what?
		
00:29:00 --> 00:29:00
			Smile!
		
00:29:02 --> 00:29:04
			And smiling is what?
		
00:29:05 --> 00:29:05
			Sadaqah.
		
00:29:06 --> 00:29:07
			I mean, these are basics.
		
00:29:08 --> 00:29:09
			I'm not teaching anything new.
		
00:29:09 --> 00:29:10
			I'm just putting it in a new format
		
00:29:10 --> 00:29:11
			for you.
		
00:29:12 --> 00:29:12
			Right?
		
00:29:12 --> 00:29:14
			Tabassumu fee wajhi aqeeqah.
		
00:29:15 --> 00:29:16
			Sadaqah.
		
00:29:16 --> 00:29:17
			Okay?
		
00:29:21 --> 00:29:22
			A sister came to me.
		
00:29:22 --> 00:29:24
			She said, you know, I read this hadith
		
00:29:24 --> 00:29:25
			and I was walking on the street and
		
00:29:25 --> 00:29:27
			every time I saw a brother, I smiled
		
00:29:27 --> 00:29:27
			at their faces.
		
00:29:28 --> 00:29:29
			I said, sister, no, no.
		
00:29:29 --> 00:29:32
			This was aqeeqah, generality, which means you don't,
		
00:29:32 --> 00:29:32
			you know.
		
00:29:32 --> 00:29:33
			No, it says aqeeqah.
		
00:29:33 --> 00:29:35
			It says, so every time I see a
		
00:29:35 --> 00:29:36
			brother, I smile at him because it's sadaqah.
		
00:29:37 --> 00:29:38
			I said, no, that's not what the hadith
		
00:29:38 --> 00:29:39
			is referring to.
		
00:29:39 --> 00:29:41
			But sometimes people are so naive.
		
00:29:41 --> 00:29:42
			They read the hadith and they really want
		
00:29:42 --> 00:29:44
			to practice it and they don't read the
		
00:29:44 --> 00:29:45
			explanation of it.
		
00:29:45 --> 00:29:46
			Right?
		
00:29:46 --> 00:29:48
			SubhanAllah, they'll get rewarded for that.
		
00:29:48 --> 00:29:50
			But smiling is the first.
		
00:29:50 --> 00:29:53
			When you walk home, when you enter your
		
00:29:53 --> 00:29:55
			house, when I enter my house, how is
		
00:29:55 --> 00:29:55
			my wife?
		
00:29:55 --> 00:29:56
			How are you as a father?
		
00:29:57 --> 00:29:59
			When you walk as a father, if you're
		
00:29:59 --> 00:30:00
			coming back from work, as a mother, if
		
00:30:00 --> 00:30:03
			you're coming back from work, take a pause.
		
00:30:06 --> 00:30:07
			Take a pause.
		
00:30:07 --> 00:30:08
			Don't get in the house immediately.
		
00:30:08 --> 00:30:09
			Reset yourself.
		
00:30:09 --> 00:30:12
			Allow yourself to reset saying, I am going
		
00:30:12 --> 00:30:15
			to walk in with, yes, all my problems
		
00:30:15 --> 00:30:18
			at work, all my problems, whatever happened at
		
00:30:18 --> 00:30:20
			the door, in the car, no more.
		
00:30:23 --> 00:30:27
			And you walk in, at that moment, you
		
00:30:27 --> 00:30:29
			turn off your phone and you be as
		
00:30:29 --> 00:30:30
			happy as possible.
		
00:30:31 --> 00:30:36
			All of you who have had children and
		
00:30:36 --> 00:30:38
			now they are a teenager and they're not
		
00:30:38 --> 00:30:41
			with you, every single one of you that
		
00:30:41 --> 00:30:43
			is in this room can tell me, you
		
00:30:43 --> 00:30:44
			will remember the moment when you used to
		
00:30:44 --> 00:30:46
			come back from work or come back from
		
00:30:46 --> 00:30:48
			outside and your children would come running after
		
00:30:48 --> 00:30:49
			you.
		
00:30:50 --> 00:30:52
			But then eventually they stopped.
		
00:30:54 --> 00:30:57
			Because they did not find the happiness they
		
00:30:57 --> 00:30:59
			were looking for in their father, in their
		
00:30:59 --> 00:30:59
			mother.
		
00:30:59 --> 00:31:06
			I was talking to one teenage girl and
		
00:31:06 --> 00:31:08
			she was having some sessions with me.
		
00:31:11 --> 00:31:13
			And so we were on, obviously we were
		
00:31:13 --> 00:31:14
			on the phone call and my rule is
		
00:31:14 --> 00:31:16
			like if they're teenagers, one of the parents
		
00:31:16 --> 00:31:18
			have to be there, even on a virtual
		
00:31:18 --> 00:31:18
			call.
		
00:31:19 --> 00:31:21
			So we're on the virtual call and the
		
00:31:21 --> 00:31:22
			father is there.
		
00:31:23 --> 00:31:26
			So I say to the girl, so when
		
00:31:26 --> 00:31:27
			have you, when was the last time you
		
00:31:27 --> 00:31:28
			saw your mother happy?
		
00:31:28 --> 00:31:33
			And the girl says, you know, my mother,
		
00:31:34 --> 00:31:36
			she is always happy when she sees other
		
00:31:36 --> 00:31:37
			kids.
		
00:31:37 --> 00:31:38
			But just not us.
		
00:31:40 --> 00:31:43
			So the father, he says, that's the same
		
00:31:43 --> 00:31:44
			with me too, by the way.
		
00:31:45 --> 00:31:47
			She never smiles at me too, she's always
		
00:31:47 --> 00:31:49
			smiling at the other, when other people are
		
00:31:49 --> 00:31:51
			home, she's always smiling but just with me.
		
00:31:51 --> 00:31:52
			So there must be a problem with my
		
00:31:52 --> 00:31:53
			wife then.
		
00:31:53 --> 00:31:56
			And I said, brother, this is not your
		
00:31:56 --> 00:31:58
			session, you can have your therapy later.
		
00:31:58 --> 00:32:00
			This is for the teenager, we're trying to
		
00:32:00 --> 00:32:01
			solve her problem here.
		
00:32:02 --> 00:32:06
			But the reality is that the child recognizes
		
00:32:06 --> 00:32:08
			this, that my mom is only happy when
		
00:32:08 --> 00:32:09
			she is…
		
00:32:09 --> 00:32:11
			And we all know, if you are from
		
00:32:11 --> 00:32:14
			a desi household, you know exactly what happens
		
00:32:14 --> 00:32:16
			in a desi household right before a guest
		
00:32:16 --> 00:32:17
			arrives.
		
00:32:18 --> 00:32:21
			Do you see those spider webs in the
		
00:32:21 --> 00:32:22
			corner of the house on the top?
		
00:32:23 --> 00:32:24
			That has to be cleaned.
		
00:32:25 --> 00:32:27
			Mom, like the guest does not get…
		
00:32:27 --> 00:32:28
			Nope, it has to be cleaned.
		
00:32:29 --> 00:32:32
			Everything has to, we have to present our
		
00:32:32 --> 00:32:34
			house like nobody lives here.
		
00:32:35 --> 00:32:36
			It should be so clean.
		
00:32:40 --> 00:32:41
			You know what I'm talking about?
		
00:32:42 --> 00:32:42
			Right?
		
00:32:42 --> 00:32:45
			And who is the, who gets the harsh
		
00:32:45 --> 00:32:46
			end of this?
		
00:32:46 --> 00:32:48
			Usually our sisters.
		
00:32:48 --> 00:32:49
			Right?
		
00:32:50 --> 00:32:50
			Right?
		
00:32:50 --> 00:32:52
			The mother is not going to push the
		
00:32:52 --> 00:32:53
			brothers to clean.
		
00:32:54 --> 00:32:56
			It's the poor sisters who end up doing
		
00:32:56 --> 00:32:58
			all the house cleaning, all the cooking, all
		
00:32:58 --> 00:32:59
			everything.
		
00:32:59 --> 00:33:01
			And then the brothers are just like sitting
		
00:33:01 --> 00:33:02
			and eating food.
		
00:33:02 --> 00:33:03
			Which is not actually the way of the
		
00:33:03 --> 00:33:04
			sunnah of Rasulullah ﷺ.
		
00:33:05 --> 00:33:07
			I'm not saying the sister should not be
		
00:33:07 --> 00:33:07
			in the kitchen.
		
00:33:07 --> 00:33:09
			But like when it is a major gathering,
		
00:33:10 --> 00:33:12
			the husband should be part and parcel of
		
00:33:12 --> 00:33:12
			that.
		
00:33:12 --> 00:33:14
			And when the son or the daughter, they
		
00:33:14 --> 00:33:15
			don't see that.
		
00:33:17 --> 00:33:19
			They walk away with feelings.
		
00:33:20 --> 00:33:22
			They walk away with feelings.
		
00:33:24 --> 00:33:25
			Number two.
		
00:33:25 --> 00:33:31
			The second thing that causes you to be
		
00:33:31 --> 00:33:34
			happy and for your child to feel that
		
00:33:34 --> 00:33:36
			you are happy in the house is less
		
00:33:36 --> 00:33:37
			talking and more ears.
		
00:33:39 --> 00:33:41
			Speak less as a parent and listen more.
		
00:33:43 --> 00:33:45
			And often times parents are like, if I
		
00:33:45 --> 00:33:47
			stop talking, my child doesn't talk.
		
00:33:47 --> 00:33:49
			Yeah, because he's just, you know, he has
		
00:33:49 --> 00:33:52
			complete, he wanted to talk, she wanted to
		
00:33:52 --> 00:33:52
			talk.
		
00:33:53 --> 00:33:56
			But they have completely shut down because they
		
00:33:56 --> 00:33:57
			know that they're not, they don't have, my
		
00:33:57 --> 00:33:59
			parent is not going to listen to me.
		
00:33:59 --> 00:34:01
			They're not interested in my story.
		
00:34:03 --> 00:34:05
			They're not interested in my story.
		
00:34:06 --> 00:34:09
			One of the interesting exercises that I did.
		
00:34:09 --> 00:34:12
			I had a very rough year in my
		
00:34:12 --> 00:34:17
			life and it impacted my mental health really,
		
00:34:17 --> 00:34:18
			really bad.
		
00:34:18 --> 00:34:21
			And I'm saying this not to brag, but
		
00:34:21 --> 00:34:23
			I want people to know that even imams,
		
00:34:23 --> 00:34:24
			it doesn't matter.
		
00:34:24 --> 00:34:26
			We all are human beings.
		
00:34:26 --> 00:34:28
			It was so bad that I couldn't sleep.
		
00:34:28 --> 00:34:29
			I would wake up in the middle of
		
00:34:29 --> 00:34:31
			the night at three o'clock in the
		
00:34:31 --> 00:34:32
			morning and I did not know that it
		
00:34:32 --> 00:34:33
			was.
		
00:34:33 --> 00:34:35
			And here I was helping everyone, but my
		
00:34:35 --> 00:34:37
			own life was going through.
		
00:34:37 --> 00:34:39
			And whatever I was going through was really
		
00:34:39 --> 00:34:39
			tough.
		
00:34:40 --> 00:34:42
			But here's the interesting thing that happened.
		
00:34:45 --> 00:34:46
			Less talk, more ears.
		
00:34:50 --> 00:34:52
			I wanted to build a relationship with my
		
00:34:52 --> 00:34:54
			children because I realized that in that eight,
		
00:34:54 --> 00:34:57
			nine months, they went really far for me.
		
00:34:57 --> 00:34:58
			Like I needed to reconnect.
		
00:35:00 --> 00:35:03
			So do you know anybody knows anybody here
		
00:35:03 --> 00:35:07
			from India or Pakistan and you know, they're
		
00:35:07 --> 00:35:08
			in their 50s or 60s.
		
00:35:08 --> 00:35:10
			They would probably remember this concept.
		
00:35:10 --> 00:35:13
			This concept is called the concept of Bayad.
		
00:35:13 --> 00:35:15
			Anybody knows that?
		
00:35:17 --> 00:35:17
			No.
		
00:35:18 --> 00:35:23
			So Bayad is a concept which is blank
		
00:35:23 --> 00:35:24
			white journals.
		
00:35:25 --> 00:35:28
			And back in the day, parents would keep
		
00:35:28 --> 00:35:31
			blank white journals and for every child that
		
00:35:31 --> 00:35:33
			they would have, they would have a shelf
		
00:35:33 --> 00:35:35
			and a blank white journal in there.
		
00:35:37 --> 00:35:40
			And that was your child's way of discreetly
		
00:35:40 --> 00:35:43
			communicating with you without getting into trouble.
		
00:35:44 --> 00:35:47
			So what I did is I got six
		
00:35:47 --> 00:35:49
			journals and I gave to all of my
		
00:35:49 --> 00:35:51
			children and I said, write whatever you want
		
00:35:51 --> 00:35:52
			to write in it.
		
00:35:53 --> 00:35:56
			And the only promise I will tell you
		
00:35:56 --> 00:36:01
			is whatever you write, be honest and open
		
00:36:01 --> 00:36:04
			your heart and I will not get upset.
		
00:36:05 --> 00:36:08
			And SubhanAllah, what I used to think was
		
00:36:08 --> 00:36:11
			my daughter's problem was actually not the problem
		
00:36:11 --> 00:36:12
			at all.
		
00:36:13 --> 00:36:15
			And when she shared things, I was like,
		
00:36:15 --> 00:36:17
			oh, my God, really?
		
00:36:17 --> 00:36:18
			That's the problem?
		
00:36:19 --> 00:36:21
			And as a father, it was an eye
		
00:36:21 --> 00:36:21
			opening for me.
		
00:36:21 --> 00:36:24
			I was like, Ajeeb, that was in my
		
00:36:24 --> 00:36:25
			wildest dream.
		
00:36:25 --> 00:36:26
			That should not be the problem.
		
00:36:27 --> 00:36:29
			I thought I have taught her better.
		
00:36:30 --> 00:36:31
			She should not have this problem.
		
00:36:32 --> 00:36:32
			But she did.
		
00:36:32 --> 00:36:32
			Right.
		
00:36:35 --> 00:36:37
			So that's a great concept of if you
		
00:36:37 --> 00:36:39
			if it's hard for the child to talk
		
00:36:39 --> 00:36:42
			initially, to use some form of journals and
		
00:36:42 --> 00:36:44
			put like names on them.
		
00:36:44 --> 00:36:47
			And one page they write, one page.
		
00:36:47 --> 00:36:49
			And then this is great if you have
		
00:36:49 --> 00:36:49
			older kids.
		
00:36:51 --> 00:36:52
			And if they have walked away and they
		
00:36:52 --> 00:36:54
			come over the weekend, if they're going to
		
00:36:54 --> 00:36:55
			university, they come back on the week.
		
00:36:55 --> 00:36:58
			It's a great opportunity for a parent to
		
00:36:58 --> 00:36:59
			connect with them.
		
00:37:01 --> 00:37:05
			And number three, happiness is to stay calm
		
00:37:05 --> 00:37:07
			and relax no matter what.
		
00:37:11 --> 00:37:13
			So stay calm and relax.
		
00:37:13 --> 00:37:19
			My mentor, he used to say that a
		
00:37:19 --> 00:37:26
			messy house, a messy house is a prerequisite.
		
00:37:29 --> 00:37:32
			It's a prerequisite for Tarbiyah.
		
00:37:34 --> 00:37:35
			I'm not saying a filthy house.
		
00:37:37 --> 00:37:39
			There's a difference between a filthy house and
		
00:37:39 --> 00:37:39
			a messy house.
		
00:37:40 --> 00:37:42
			Messy that things are disorderly.
		
00:37:43 --> 00:37:44
			It's a prerequisite.
		
00:37:45 --> 00:37:45
			Right.
		
00:37:45 --> 00:37:48
			He used to say that when we get
		
00:37:48 --> 00:37:50
			a sofa and when you give any of
		
00:37:50 --> 00:37:53
			these children the liberty and and free them
		
00:37:53 --> 00:37:54
			like this little girl.
		
00:37:54 --> 00:37:56
			If she's freed from all the rules.
		
00:37:56 --> 00:37:57
			Look, she just walked away with the bottle.
		
00:37:58 --> 00:37:58
			She doesn't care.
		
00:38:00 --> 00:38:01
			She doesn't care.
		
00:38:03 --> 00:38:03
			Confidence.
		
00:38:03 --> 00:38:04
			She's like, I don't care.
		
00:38:04 --> 00:38:06
			There are no rules.
		
00:38:07 --> 00:38:08
			Then what do we do?
		
00:38:09 --> 00:38:11
			Every time they want to explore, we put
		
00:38:11 --> 00:38:12
			rules.
		
00:38:12 --> 00:38:14
			Oh, we can't go here.
		
00:38:14 --> 00:38:15
			No, we can't sit there.
		
00:38:15 --> 00:38:16
			No, we can't do this.
		
00:38:16 --> 00:38:20
			I'm not saying don't develop adab, but constantly
		
00:38:20 --> 00:38:24
			saying no to the child completely removes them
		
00:38:24 --> 00:38:26
			from the ability of taking risks.
		
00:38:28 --> 00:38:30
			They won't take risks anymore.
		
00:38:31 --> 00:38:32
			Right.
		
00:38:32 --> 00:38:35
			They're going to become risk averse and they
		
00:38:35 --> 00:38:38
			will completely not be confident at all.
		
00:38:39 --> 00:38:41
			Now, in order for us to be able
		
00:38:41 --> 00:38:43
			to build a relationship with our children, we
		
00:38:43 --> 00:38:45
			have to work on our inner condition.
		
00:38:46 --> 00:38:49
			OK, so there's an entire section that we
		
00:38:49 --> 00:38:50
			do on our inner condition.
		
00:38:50 --> 00:38:51
			Right.
		
00:38:51 --> 00:38:53
			What how are you from inside?
		
00:38:55 --> 00:38:57
			Now, we're going to do an exercise together.
		
00:38:57 --> 00:38:59
			I want you all to identify this is
		
00:38:59 --> 00:39:01
			a you don't need to say it to
		
00:39:01 --> 00:39:01
			me.
		
00:39:02 --> 00:39:07
			Identify something that in the last 30 days,
		
00:39:08 --> 00:39:09
			something that happened to you.
		
00:39:11 --> 00:39:17
			And if you forget that particular event, you
		
00:39:17 --> 00:39:19
			try and you say, I don't want to
		
00:39:19 --> 00:39:20
			think about it.
		
00:39:20 --> 00:39:22
			I'm going to completely try to learn whatever
		
00:39:22 --> 00:39:23
			I need to learn from that event.
		
00:39:24 --> 00:39:26
			And I'm going to delete it from my
		
00:39:26 --> 00:39:27
			conscious memory.
		
00:39:28 --> 00:39:30
			If you forgot that, you will become happier.
		
00:39:31 --> 00:39:33
			So think of an event or an incident
		
00:39:33 --> 00:39:34
			that happened to you in the last 30
		
00:39:34 --> 00:39:37
			days that is that you're holding on to
		
00:39:37 --> 00:39:39
			and it's not making you very happy.
		
00:39:39 --> 00:39:42
			And if you forgot that event, it will
		
00:39:42 --> 00:39:44
			allow you to become happier.
		
00:39:44 --> 00:39:47
			OK, take 30 seconds to a minute.
		
00:39:47 --> 00:39:50
			Close your eyes and think about that event.
		
00:39:52 --> 00:39:54
			Could be personal, private, it could be an
		
00:39:54 --> 00:39:56
			email, could be a text message, could be
		
00:39:56 --> 00:39:58
			a WhatsApp, whatever it is.
		
00:40:23 --> 00:40:24
			OK.
		
00:40:26 --> 00:40:27
			All right.
		
00:40:27 --> 00:40:31
			So what happens as a consequence of your
		
00:40:31 --> 00:40:34
			inner self inside of you being happy?
		
00:40:34 --> 00:40:35
			What happens?
		
00:40:35 --> 00:40:37
			What's the consequence of you being happy as
		
00:40:37 --> 00:40:38
			a parent?
		
00:40:39 --> 00:40:41
			What do you think is the consequence?
		
00:40:43 --> 00:40:46
			Between your child, if you as a mother
		
00:40:46 --> 00:40:49
			now for the next 30 days present yourself
		
00:40:49 --> 00:40:52
			as being extremely happy or as a father,
		
00:40:52 --> 00:40:55
			super happy in the house, between the husband
		
00:40:55 --> 00:40:58
			and wife, whatever issues they may arise, you
		
00:40:58 --> 00:40:59
			settle them in the bedroom.
		
00:41:00 --> 00:41:01
			Right.
		
00:41:01 --> 00:41:02
			You discuss it not in front of your
		
00:41:02 --> 00:41:03
			kids.
		
00:41:04 --> 00:41:06
			But if you present yourself as a happy
		
00:41:06 --> 00:41:10
			couple in front of the child, in front
		
00:41:10 --> 00:41:12
			of your children, what do you think is
		
00:41:12 --> 00:41:12
			the consequence?
		
00:41:13 --> 00:41:13
			What will happen?
		
00:41:20 --> 00:41:21
			Beautiful.
		
00:41:32 --> 00:41:32
			Beautiful.
		
00:41:37 --> 00:41:38
			Reciprocate.
		
00:41:41 --> 00:41:42
			Beautiful.
		
00:41:45 --> 00:41:46
			Beautiful.
		
00:41:46 --> 00:41:49
			So this, mama, I'm sorry I did that.
		
00:41:49 --> 00:41:50
			What is that called?
		
00:41:53 --> 00:41:53
			Relationship.
		
00:41:55 --> 00:41:58
			You become eligible as a mother, as a
		
00:41:58 --> 00:42:01
			father, you become eligible in your child's eye.
		
00:42:01 --> 00:42:03
			And now they want to have a relationship
		
00:42:03 --> 00:42:03
			with you.
		
00:42:05 --> 00:42:08
			And that applies for an older child.
		
00:42:08 --> 00:42:12
			It doesn't matter, I know somebody who has
		
00:42:12 --> 00:42:13
			a son who is 31 years old, he
		
00:42:13 --> 00:42:14
			doesn't want to even talk to his father.
		
00:42:17 --> 00:42:18
			It's difficult.
		
00:42:19 --> 00:42:22
			It's extremely difficult because the ears that you
		
00:42:22 --> 00:42:23
			were supposed to build that relationship.
		
00:42:24 --> 00:42:26
			I'm just going to go back to that
		
00:42:26 --> 00:42:28
			parenting model for one second.
		
00:42:29 --> 00:42:31
			So confidence, character, creativity.
		
00:42:32 --> 00:42:33
			Any form of education.
		
00:42:35 --> 00:42:37
			Any form of immersion.
		
00:42:38 --> 00:42:40
			Any form of Sunday school.
		
00:42:41 --> 00:42:43
			Any form of Islamic school.
		
00:42:43 --> 00:42:48
			Any form of anything that impacts these three
		
00:42:48 --> 00:42:49
			fundamentals.
		
00:42:50 --> 00:42:53
			It will destroy your child from inside.
		
00:42:54 --> 00:42:57
			How many of us, is it possible for
		
00:42:57 --> 00:42:59
			you to have a person who is a
		
00:42:59 --> 00:43:01
			Hafiz of Quran and have bad adab?
		
00:43:02 --> 00:43:02
			Yes.
		
00:43:02 --> 00:43:05
			Is it possible for somebody to be super
		
00:43:05 --> 00:43:07
			successful in their university but then have a
		
00:43:07 --> 00:43:09
			horrible relationship with their wife?
		
00:43:10 --> 00:43:10
			Yes.
		
00:43:10 --> 00:43:10
			Yes.
		
00:43:11 --> 00:43:15
			Today the problems that we see that permeate
		
00:43:15 --> 00:43:19
			its heads in various different places in our
		
00:43:19 --> 00:43:23
			lives, all are because that child, one of
		
00:43:23 --> 00:43:25
			these three things were impacted.
		
00:43:26 --> 00:43:28
			One of these three, and these are non
		
00:43:28 --> 00:43:29
			-negotiable.
		
00:43:32 --> 00:43:41
			Once my shaykh was teaching a class and
		
00:43:41 --> 00:43:45
			children were running around like that.
		
00:43:48 --> 00:43:51
			And so one of the brothers, he grabbed
		
00:43:51 --> 00:43:53
			one, two, three and took all the kids.
		
00:43:56 --> 00:43:59
			And the shaykh said that if you don't
		
00:43:59 --> 00:44:03
			hear the laughing and the crying of the
		
00:44:03 --> 00:44:05
			children in your masjid, then cry for your
		
00:44:05 --> 00:44:08
			next generation because there will be nobody in
		
00:44:08 --> 00:44:08
			the masjid.
		
00:44:10 --> 00:44:12
			So them running around and stuff like that
		
00:44:12 --> 00:44:14
			is one of the most beautiful signs that
		
00:44:14 --> 00:44:15
			we can have.
		
00:44:16 --> 00:44:18
			You should come and see in our masjid
		
00:44:18 --> 00:44:21
			when we do our Friday nights.
		
00:44:21 --> 00:44:24
			It's like hundred kids that are sitting in
		
00:44:24 --> 00:44:24
			front of me.
		
00:44:24 --> 00:44:26
			So the mothers are there, the fathers are
		
00:44:26 --> 00:44:27
			there and all the kids are like it.
		
00:44:28 --> 00:44:31
			And then it is so, like 35 minute
		
00:44:31 --> 00:44:33
			lecture for me is more draining with those
		
00:44:33 --> 00:44:37
			kids because they demand, they're like buzzing bees,
		
00:44:37 --> 00:44:38
			they demand energy.
		
00:44:39 --> 00:44:41
			And I have to operate, like I have
		
00:44:41 --> 00:44:42
			35 minutes, I'm done.
		
00:44:43 --> 00:44:45
			I'm like, I cannot do the lecture anymore.
		
00:44:45 --> 00:44:46
			But they love it.
		
00:44:47 --> 00:44:49
			They're desperately looking for somebody that can capture
		
00:44:49 --> 00:44:50
			their attention.
		
00:44:51 --> 00:44:53
			So relationships is the consequence.
		
00:44:54 --> 00:44:56
			Now, outcome of relationships.
		
00:44:56 --> 00:44:59
			If you have a relationship with your child,
		
00:45:00 --> 00:45:03
			there are three main outcomes that are going
		
00:45:03 --> 00:45:03
			to happen.
		
00:45:05 --> 00:45:07
			Number one, your child is going to have
		
00:45:07 --> 00:45:08
			emotional maturity.
		
00:45:11 --> 00:45:14
			If your child has a relationship with you
		
00:45:14 --> 00:45:18
			as a mother or a father, and if
		
00:45:18 --> 00:45:19
			you happen to be a single mother or
		
00:45:19 --> 00:45:22
			a single father, studies have shown that basically
		
00:45:22 --> 00:45:25
			they will latch on, like if it's a
		
00:45:25 --> 00:45:28
			single father, they will latch on the motherhood
		
00:45:28 --> 00:45:29
			element to the father.
		
00:45:29 --> 00:45:31
			As long as the father gives care.
		
00:45:32 --> 00:45:34
			Similar thing goes for the mother.
		
00:45:34 --> 00:45:37
			They will seek, they would seek to have
		
00:45:37 --> 00:45:40
			the element that they miss from their father
		
00:45:40 --> 00:45:40
			in the mother.
		
00:45:42 --> 00:45:42
			Now, is that optimal?
		
00:45:43 --> 00:45:43
			No, it's not.
		
00:45:44 --> 00:45:45
			Right?
		
00:45:45 --> 00:45:47
			We have to be able to provide mentorship
		
00:45:47 --> 00:45:49
			opportunities for these children.
		
00:45:49 --> 00:45:52
			But emotional maturity is number one.
		
00:45:52 --> 00:45:54
			That's the first thing that's going to happen.
		
00:45:55 --> 00:45:58
			Today, you have so many of our children
		
00:45:58 --> 00:46:03
			today that are hungry for love.
		
00:46:05 --> 00:46:10
			From their parents, from their uncles, from their
		
00:46:10 --> 00:46:10
			aunts.
		
00:46:12 --> 00:46:14
			They're just desperately hungry for love.
		
00:46:15 --> 00:46:18
			Have you ever seen that land, like for
		
00:46:18 --> 00:46:21
			example in Arizona, the cracked land which is
		
00:46:21 --> 00:46:23
			so dry, so parched dry, that if you
		
00:46:23 --> 00:46:26
			can just keep on pouring water and water
		
00:46:26 --> 00:46:28
			and water and water, and it just keeps
		
00:46:28 --> 00:46:30
			soaking its water, and nothing happens to the
		
00:46:30 --> 00:46:30
			land.
		
00:46:31 --> 00:46:33
			Because it's so dry that it will suck
		
00:46:33 --> 00:46:34
			up all the water.
		
00:46:34 --> 00:46:36
			That is how many of our children are
		
00:46:36 --> 00:46:37
			today.
		
00:46:39 --> 00:46:41
			They're completely thirsty for love.
		
00:46:42 --> 00:46:45
			And what is the biggest blocker that is
		
00:46:45 --> 00:46:47
			preventing a mother or a father to be
		
00:46:47 --> 00:46:49
			able to love their child completely?
		
00:46:50 --> 00:46:50
			This.
		
00:46:52 --> 00:46:53
			Okay?
		
00:46:53 --> 00:46:55
			I want you guys to do this activity
		
00:46:55 --> 00:46:55
			right now.
		
00:46:56 --> 00:46:58
			Open your phones and go to screen time.
		
00:47:01 --> 00:47:01
			Open your phones.
		
00:47:03 --> 00:47:04
			Come on guys, let's go.
		
00:47:04 --> 00:47:04
			It's an activity.
		
00:47:04 --> 00:47:07
			Some guys are like, I don't want to
		
00:47:07 --> 00:47:08
			open this.
		
00:47:08 --> 00:47:09
			I know it's not going to be good.
		
00:47:10 --> 00:47:11
			But it's a reality check.
		
00:47:11 --> 00:47:12
			Look at the screen time.
		
00:47:14 --> 00:47:20
			What is your screen time?
		
00:47:22 --> 00:47:23
			Tell me.
		
00:47:23 --> 00:47:24
			It's okay, you can share.
		
00:47:26 --> 00:47:26
			Four hours.
		
00:47:27 --> 00:47:29
			What was his?
		
00:47:29 --> 00:47:30
			Did you want to share?
		
00:47:31 --> 00:47:32
			Twelve hours.
		
00:47:34 --> 00:47:36
			Twelve hours of screen time.
		
00:47:38 --> 00:47:40
			That's all the time that is away from
		
00:47:40 --> 00:47:41
			dhikr.
		
00:47:41 --> 00:47:43
			All the time that is away from...
		
00:47:44 --> 00:47:44
			Okay?
		
00:47:44 --> 00:47:47
			And I hope that the brother is watching
		
00:47:47 --> 00:47:50
			positive YouTube videos and stuff.
		
00:47:50 --> 00:47:51
			InshaAllah.
		
00:47:52 --> 00:47:52
			Okay?
		
00:47:53 --> 00:47:54
			Anybody else that has the courage to share
		
00:47:54 --> 00:47:55
			their screen time?
		
00:47:55 --> 00:47:56
			Yeah?
		
00:47:57 --> 00:47:58
			Two hours is great.
		
00:48:00 --> 00:48:01
			Two hours, 18 minutes.
		
00:48:01 --> 00:48:01
			Excellent.
		
00:48:02 --> 00:48:04
			So, hunger of love.
		
00:48:06 --> 00:48:09
			The second thing is something called hunger...
		
00:48:10 --> 00:48:13
			The second thing is called hunger of hugs.
		
00:48:15 --> 00:48:17
			When was the last time you...
		
00:48:19 --> 00:48:21
			When was the last time you hugged your
		
00:48:21 --> 00:48:23
			teenager, you hugged your child?
		
00:48:24 --> 00:48:25
			And if you are a child, when was
		
00:48:25 --> 00:48:27
			the last time you hugged your parent?
		
00:48:28 --> 00:48:29
			Right?
		
00:48:29 --> 00:48:31
			And if they are alive today, it's an
		
00:48:31 --> 00:48:33
			opportunity for you to fulfill that.
		
00:48:34 --> 00:48:37
			Because either one of them will soon not
		
00:48:37 --> 00:48:37
			be alive.
		
00:48:38 --> 00:48:40
			We all have an expiration date.
		
00:48:41 --> 00:48:44
			Number two is you become eligible for their
		
00:48:44 --> 00:48:44
			tarbiyah.
		
00:48:45 --> 00:48:48
			So, the outcome of relationship is now they
		
00:48:48 --> 00:48:53
			will allow you to be their mentor.
		
00:48:54 --> 00:48:59
			The closest word in the translation of tarbiyah,
		
00:49:00 --> 00:49:05
			the closest concept in English language that you
		
00:49:05 --> 00:49:07
			can translate the word tarbiyah is mentorship.
		
00:49:09 --> 00:49:11
			Tarbiyah is not that your child does what
		
00:49:11 --> 00:49:12
			you want.
		
00:49:13 --> 00:49:15
			Tarbiyah is that the child knows what is
		
00:49:15 --> 00:49:18
			the right thing to do and you support
		
00:49:18 --> 00:49:20
			him in doing that right thing.
		
00:49:23 --> 00:49:24
			Not force him.
		
00:49:27 --> 00:49:27
			Okay?
		
00:49:27 --> 00:49:31
			For example, I was in home depot and
		
00:49:31 --> 00:49:34
			one of the girls that attend, young girl,
		
00:49:34 --> 00:49:36
			one of the girls that attend one of
		
00:49:36 --> 00:49:39
			the classes with me, seerah classes.
		
00:49:40 --> 00:49:42
			She saw me in the home depot so
		
00:49:42 --> 00:49:44
			she quickly put her hand in the bag
		
00:49:44 --> 00:49:45
			and she put on the scarf.
		
00:49:46 --> 00:49:49
			And I told her, I said, so and
		
00:49:49 --> 00:49:51
			so, you don't wear the scarf for me.
		
00:49:53 --> 00:49:55
			Don't ever wear the scarf for a human
		
00:49:55 --> 00:49:55
			being.
		
00:49:56 --> 00:49:59
			You either wear it or you don't.
		
00:49:59 --> 00:50:00
			But don't be a hypocrite.
		
00:50:01 --> 00:50:03
			Because hypocrisy is a greater sin.
		
00:50:04 --> 00:50:07
			So, be happy and ask Allah to give
		
00:50:07 --> 00:50:09
			you the strength to wear it properly.
		
00:50:10 --> 00:50:12
			But don't ever wear it for and then
		
00:50:12 --> 00:50:15
			most of the time we face this issue
		
00:50:15 --> 00:50:20
			when we have, again, you become eligible for
		
00:50:20 --> 00:50:22
			tarbiyah but our version of tarbiyah is I
		
00:50:22 --> 00:50:24
			will tell you what you're going to do
		
00:50:24 --> 00:50:25
			and you're going to do it.
		
00:50:25 --> 00:50:26
			Bas.
		
00:50:27 --> 00:50:28
			Khalas.
		
00:50:29 --> 00:50:29
			Right?
		
00:50:30 --> 00:50:30
			What do we say?
		
00:50:30 --> 00:50:31
			Khalas.
		
00:50:32 --> 00:50:33
			I'm not listening.
		
00:50:34 --> 00:50:34
			Right?
		
00:50:36 --> 00:50:36
			Bas.
		
00:50:36 --> 00:50:37
			Right?
		
00:50:38 --> 00:50:39
			What happens?
		
00:50:39 --> 00:50:39
			Complete.
		
00:50:39 --> 00:50:41
			No, that's not tarbiyah.
		
00:50:42 --> 00:50:43
			That's dictatorship.
		
00:50:45 --> 00:50:45
			Right?
		
00:50:45 --> 00:50:50
			Tarbiyah is where you support your child so
		
00:50:52 --> 00:50:55
			they have the autonomous ability to make the
		
00:50:55 --> 00:50:56
			right decisions.
		
00:50:57 --> 00:50:59
			And if they make the wrong decisions, what
		
00:50:59 --> 00:51:00
			do we say?
		
00:51:01 --> 00:51:02
			I know you did not do wudu.
		
00:51:03 --> 00:51:04
			Right?
		
00:51:04 --> 00:51:06
			And sometimes the parents, some parents are so
		
00:51:06 --> 00:51:07
			paranoid.
		
00:51:08 --> 00:51:10
			May Allah help us all.
		
00:51:12 --> 00:51:13
			A mother came to me and she said,
		
00:51:14 --> 00:51:16
			I know my daughter does not make wudu.
		
00:51:17 --> 00:51:18
			I said, how do you know that?
		
00:51:18 --> 00:51:19
			She was in the bathroom when she comes
		
00:51:19 --> 00:51:20
			out.
		
00:51:20 --> 00:51:21
			I go and check the sink.
		
00:51:23 --> 00:51:24
			The sink is dry.
		
00:51:25 --> 00:51:27
			I know that she did not do wudu.
		
00:51:27 --> 00:51:30
			I said, only if you put in that
		
00:51:30 --> 00:51:33
			much effort on the sajjada in front of
		
00:51:33 --> 00:51:38
			Allah, that Allah guides her heart to make
		
00:51:38 --> 00:51:38
			proper wudu.
		
00:51:40 --> 00:51:42
			Because today you're there.
		
00:51:42 --> 00:51:44
			Tomorrow you're not going to be.
		
00:51:45 --> 00:51:47
			So tarbiyah is you become eligible.
		
00:51:48 --> 00:51:49
			When you have a relationship with your child,
		
00:51:49 --> 00:51:52
			when you're happy, the relationship is the outcome
		
00:51:52 --> 00:51:55
			and you become eligible in the eyes of
		
00:51:55 --> 00:51:57
			the child that they're willing to listen, to
		
00:51:57 --> 00:51:59
			advise from you.
		
00:52:02 --> 00:52:05
			And sometimes because the relationship, this, this, this,
		
00:52:05 --> 00:52:10
			just going from being happy and developing a
		
00:52:10 --> 00:52:12
			relationship and becoming eligible.
		
00:52:12 --> 00:52:14
			If you have not done that, sometimes it
		
00:52:14 --> 00:52:17
			may take four or five years of work
		
00:52:17 --> 00:52:20
			on the part of the parent before they
		
00:52:20 --> 00:52:21
			can see you as a mentor.
		
00:52:25 --> 00:52:26
			May Allah give us tawfiq.
		
00:52:26 --> 00:52:31
			And the last part is that child will
		
00:52:31 --> 00:52:32
			have inner satisfaction.
		
00:52:34 --> 00:52:37
			The child will have inner satisfaction.
		
00:52:38 --> 00:52:41
			They will be satisfied from inside, from whatever,
		
00:52:42 --> 00:52:44
			doesn't matter if, even if they are doing
		
00:52:44 --> 00:52:49
			something that is not seemingly prestigious in our
		
00:52:49 --> 00:52:51
			eyes, they will be satisfied from inside.
		
00:52:51 --> 00:52:53
			Because they know that my father is happy.
		
00:52:54 --> 00:52:55
			My mother is happy.
		
00:52:59 --> 00:53:01
			I remember having food once at a dinner
		
00:53:01 --> 00:53:06
			table and, you know, one of that, one
		
00:53:06 --> 00:53:08
			of the brothers that were there, he was
		
00:53:08 --> 00:53:09
			17, 18.
		
00:53:10 --> 00:53:13
			And obviously he came from a family of,
		
00:53:13 --> 00:53:16
			all of them were either nephrologist or neurologist
		
00:53:16 --> 00:53:17
			and all gists.
		
00:53:18 --> 00:53:20
			So the expectation was you are going to
		
00:53:20 --> 00:53:21
			become some professional.
		
00:53:22 --> 00:53:24
			Not just, doctor is too low, you're going
		
00:53:24 --> 00:53:25
			to become a specialist.
		
00:53:26 --> 00:53:28
			That's just like entry level doctor, like ajeeb
		
00:53:28 --> 00:53:29
			miskeen.
		
00:53:29 --> 00:53:31
			Right, so that's the type of family.
		
00:53:32 --> 00:53:34
			And this child, he says, this teenager, he
		
00:53:34 --> 00:53:36
			took the courage on the dinner table and
		
00:53:36 --> 00:53:37
			he said, I'm going to go into liberal
		
00:53:37 --> 00:53:39
			arts and I'm not going to do any
		
00:53:39 --> 00:53:39
			of that.
		
00:53:42 --> 00:53:45
			And on that dinner table the father said,
		
00:53:46 --> 00:53:49
			leave my house now.
		
00:53:51 --> 00:53:53
			You can only be part of this house
		
00:53:53 --> 00:53:57
			if you agree to become a doctor, otherwise
		
00:53:57 --> 00:53:59
			I don't owe you anything, you're no longer
		
00:53:59 --> 00:54:00
			my son.
		
00:54:02 --> 00:54:04
			I was witness to that.
		
00:54:07 --> 00:54:11
			Right, what happened to the confidence, what happened
		
00:54:11 --> 00:54:13
			to character, what happened to creativity.
		
00:54:16 --> 00:54:20
			So that child, if a child grows up
		
00:54:20 --> 00:54:22
			and becomes an adult and they never had
		
00:54:22 --> 00:54:29
			a relationship with their parent, the biggest indicator
		
00:54:29 --> 00:54:34
			of that, that I see, that they may
		
00:54:34 --> 00:54:38
			achieve great things in career, they may achieve
		
00:54:38 --> 00:54:42
			great things, like they will succeed in university,
		
00:54:42 --> 00:54:44
			they will succeed, they will get a job,
		
00:54:44 --> 00:54:45
			all of that.
		
00:54:48 --> 00:54:50
			But they will not be able to build
		
00:54:50 --> 00:54:51
			and keep relationships.
		
00:54:53 --> 00:54:53
			At all.
		
00:54:54 --> 00:54:56
			They will not be able to keep relationships.
		
00:54:57 --> 00:54:59
			And one of the biggest reasons why, this
		
00:54:59 --> 00:55:02
			is my humble own understanding of why this
		
00:55:02 --> 00:55:06
			is happening, is the immigrant generation when they
		
00:55:06 --> 00:55:09
			came, my parents for example, they came, their
		
00:55:09 --> 00:55:11
			predominant language was what?
		
00:55:11 --> 00:55:11
			Urdu.
		
00:55:13 --> 00:55:16
			Right, the vocabulary that my dad has at
		
00:55:16 --> 00:55:19
			his disposal in Urdu is close to 400
		
00:55:19 --> 00:55:24
			-500,000 words, but the vocabulary that my
		
00:55:24 --> 00:55:26
			dad has at his disposal in English is
		
00:55:26 --> 00:55:28
			probably 350-400 words.
		
00:55:29 --> 00:55:35
			Right, and no matter what happens, as a
		
00:55:35 --> 00:55:41
			child, your mother tongue is the operating system
		
00:55:41 --> 00:55:44
			in which you will understand the world.
		
00:55:44 --> 00:55:46
			No matter how many languages you speak.
		
00:55:46 --> 00:55:48
			I speak fluently 5 languages.
		
00:55:49 --> 00:55:52
			Right, but it's the language of your dreams.
		
00:55:53 --> 00:55:58
			When you dream, your base, what do they
		
00:55:58 --> 00:55:58
			call it?
		
00:55:58 --> 00:55:59
			You have the operating system and you have
		
00:55:59 --> 00:56:01
			something below the operating system.
		
00:56:01 --> 00:56:02
			There's a word for it.
		
00:56:04 --> 00:56:04
			The kernel.
		
00:56:07 --> 00:56:07
			The kernel?
		
00:56:08 --> 00:56:09
			The kernel, right?
		
00:56:09 --> 00:56:12
			Like the core operating system on which everything
		
00:56:12 --> 00:56:13
			is built is your language.
		
00:56:14 --> 00:56:16
			And today the issue that we're having with
		
00:56:16 --> 00:56:19
			so many divorces, and as an imam we
		
00:56:19 --> 00:56:22
			see this all the time, the fact that
		
00:56:22 --> 00:56:24
			we're seeing that one in every, Pew Research
		
00:56:24 --> 00:56:27
			just came out in 2023, one in every
		
00:56:27 --> 00:56:30
			four Muslims born in America are leaving Islam.
		
00:56:32 --> 00:56:35
			All of that, if you want me to
		
00:56:35 --> 00:56:37
			summarize it, it is because the operating system
		
00:56:37 --> 00:56:41
			in which my generation was raised, my operating
		
00:56:41 --> 00:56:42
			system is Urdu.
		
00:56:43 --> 00:56:45
			Because for the first 7 years of my
		
00:56:45 --> 00:56:45
			life I heard Urdu.
		
00:56:47 --> 00:56:47
			Right?
		
00:56:47 --> 00:56:49
			And I can fluently speak Urdu and I
		
00:56:49 --> 00:56:52
			made sure that my children, all of them,
		
00:56:52 --> 00:56:53
			they are fluent in Urdu.
		
00:56:54 --> 00:56:58
			Although they're born in Canada, I made sure
		
00:56:58 --> 00:57:00
			they're fluent in Urdu.
		
00:57:01 --> 00:57:04
			Because that is the operating system in which
		
00:57:04 --> 00:57:06
			you will be able to explain to that
		
00:57:06 --> 00:57:06
			child.
		
00:57:07 --> 00:57:12
			Now, every American born Desi, Confused Desi, ABCDs,
		
00:57:13 --> 00:57:18
			or Canadian born Confused Desis, or even American
		
00:57:18 --> 00:57:20
			born Arabs, you know the challenge you have
		
00:57:20 --> 00:57:24
			to be able to articulate, because your operating
		
00:57:24 --> 00:57:27
			system as a child was Arabic, but when
		
00:57:27 --> 00:57:28
			you went to public school it became English.
		
00:57:28 --> 00:57:31
			Now you are not able to convey the
		
00:57:31 --> 00:57:33
			pain that you have to your parents.
		
00:57:35 --> 00:57:37
			They're not able to understand because they can't
		
00:57:37 --> 00:57:40
			even respond back to you because they don't
		
00:57:40 --> 00:57:41
			have the vocabulary.
		
00:57:43 --> 00:57:45
			And we've also lost the touch with our
		
00:57:45 --> 00:57:49
			elders, whose vocabulary and operating system was either
		
00:57:49 --> 00:57:52
			Arabic, Urdu, Senegalese, whatever language you came from.
		
00:57:54 --> 00:57:57
			And when we lose that, we lose inner
		
00:57:57 --> 00:58:01
			satisfaction and we lose the ability to operate
		
00:58:01 --> 00:58:04
			in the society and maintain relationships.
		
00:58:05 --> 00:58:07
			And that is what's happening today.
		
00:58:08 --> 00:58:11
			The consequences of poor parenting choices.
		
00:58:15 --> 00:58:16
			Again, I can carry on.
		
00:58:16 --> 00:58:18
			The slides are pretty big.
		
00:58:19 --> 00:58:21
			But we'll stop over here.
		
00:58:21 --> 00:58:21
			What time is it?
		
00:58:23 --> 00:58:24
			We'll stop over here.
		
00:58:24 --> 00:58:28
			If anybody has any pertinent questions, please keep
		
00:58:28 --> 00:58:29
			it to the parenting topic.
		
00:58:29 --> 00:58:32
			If it is going to be mortgage related,
		
00:58:32 --> 00:58:33
			I will leave the masjid.
		
00:58:36 --> 00:58:39
			Somebody said to me, Oh Shaykh, I have
		
00:58:39 --> 00:58:39
			a question.
		
00:58:40 --> 00:58:47
			Which direction should I pray if I am
		
00:58:47 --> 00:58:51
			on the Starlink ship of Elon Musk and
		
00:58:51 --> 00:58:54
			I land on the moon or the Mars?
		
00:58:58 --> 00:58:59
			So, yes.
		
00:58:59 --> 00:59:03
			So, I said to the person, I'm going
		
00:59:03 --> 00:59:05
			to respond to you with what I saw
		
00:59:05 --> 00:59:08
			my Shaykh respond to back in 1999.
		
00:59:09 --> 00:59:11
			Rahimahullah, Shaykh Yusuf Islahi.
		
00:59:12 --> 00:59:14
			Shaykh Maulana Yusuf Islahi came to our masjid
		
00:59:14 --> 00:59:16
			and there was a person and he said,
		
00:59:16 --> 00:59:18
			Shaykh, which direction am I going to pray
		
00:59:18 --> 00:59:19
			if I am on the moon?
		
00:59:19 --> 00:59:21
			The Shaykh said, Do you have a pen
		
00:59:21 --> 00:59:22
			and paper?
		
00:59:23 --> 00:59:23
			He said, Yes.
		
00:59:24 --> 00:59:24
			Open.
		
00:59:25 --> 00:59:26
			Back in the day, people had pens and
		
00:59:26 --> 00:59:27
			papers.
		
00:59:27 --> 00:59:28
			Nobody does that anymore.
		
00:59:29 --> 00:59:30
			He took out a pen and paper.
		
00:59:30 --> 00:59:30
			Write down.
		
00:59:33 --> 00:59:37
			678-404-5059 When you get to the
		
00:59:37 --> 00:59:38
			moon, call me.
		
00:59:40 --> 00:59:40
			Right?
		
00:59:41 --> 00:59:45
			So, any questions pertaining to parenting, there is
		
00:59:45 --> 00:59:48
			a mic or you can just speak up.
		
00:59:48 --> 00:59:48
			InshaAllah.
		
00:59:57 --> 00:59:59
			If anybody has a question, we can pass
		
00:59:59 --> 00:59:59
			on the mic.
		
01:00:00 --> 01:00:01
			There is this mic.
		
01:00:02 --> 01:00:03
			We can give that to the sisters and
		
01:00:03 --> 01:00:04
			we can give that to the brothers.
		
01:00:05 --> 01:00:06
			It's set up for the sisters?
		
01:00:07 --> 01:00:07
			Okay.
		
01:00:08 --> 01:00:09
			It's better if you just give it to
		
01:00:09 --> 01:00:11
			the sisters rather than them coming up.
		
01:00:13 --> 01:00:14
			Yeah, just give it to one of the
		
01:00:14 --> 01:00:15
			sisters and she can pass around.
		
01:00:17 --> 01:00:18
			If they don't want to come up and
		
01:00:18 --> 01:00:18
			talk.
		
01:00:22 --> 01:00:23
			MashaAllah, you understood everything now.
		
01:00:23 --> 01:00:24
			Love it.
		
01:00:25 --> 01:00:26
			It's the easiest audience.
		
01:00:27 --> 01:00:28
			Oh, she has a question.
		
01:00:28 --> 01:00:28
			Okay.
		
01:00:28 --> 01:00:29
			Mic at the back.
		
01:00:29 --> 01:00:29
			Let's go.
		
01:00:37 --> 01:00:37
			Peace be upon you.
		
01:01:02 --> 01:01:02
			Okay.
		
01:01:07 --> 01:01:08
			Got it.
		
01:01:08 --> 01:01:11
			So, if it's going to harm them physically,
		
01:01:11 --> 01:01:12
			you have to stop that.
		
01:01:13 --> 01:01:17
			But if it is like, if they want
		
01:01:17 --> 01:01:19
			to do something, and again, it depends on
		
01:01:19 --> 01:01:20
			the threshold of haram.
		
01:01:21 --> 01:01:21
			Right?
		
01:01:21 --> 01:01:23
			Like if it's like kabair, you have to
		
01:01:23 --> 01:01:24
			stop it.
		
01:01:24 --> 01:01:24
			Right?
		
01:01:24 --> 01:01:26
			You have to have a conversation with them.
		
01:01:26 --> 01:01:27
			I wouldn't force the child.
		
01:01:28 --> 01:01:29
			But question for everyone.
		
01:01:30 --> 01:01:32
			If you do force the child and stop
		
01:01:32 --> 01:01:34
			him, do you think that's going to stop
		
01:01:34 --> 01:01:34
			the child?
		
01:01:35 --> 01:01:36
			It won't.
		
01:01:38 --> 01:01:40
			I don't want you to meet Farhan.
		
01:01:40 --> 01:01:42
			This friend of yours, Farhan.
		
01:01:42 --> 01:01:43
			I don't want you to meet.
		
01:01:44 --> 01:01:48
			Now, hear what the child's brain is saying.
		
01:01:49 --> 01:01:52
			I will now make sure that I meet
		
01:01:52 --> 01:01:52
			Farhan.
		
01:01:54 --> 01:01:56
			That's the child of the teenager.
		
01:01:56 --> 01:01:57
			Okay?
		
01:01:57 --> 01:01:59
			Actually, one of the things that we do
		
01:01:59 --> 01:02:01
			in the activity in the teenage workshop is
		
01:02:01 --> 01:02:03
			we have a list of questions.
		
01:02:04 --> 01:02:06
			And we go through like list of prompts.
		
01:02:07 --> 01:02:07
			You said this.
		
01:02:08 --> 01:02:10
			And what we do is we make parents
		
01:02:10 --> 01:02:14
			respond to how does the teenager hear this?
		
01:02:15 --> 01:02:19
			So, it's like you said it, but the
		
01:02:19 --> 01:02:20
			teenager heard it completely different.
		
01:02:21 --> 01:02:24
			So, the answer to that is conversation.
		
01:02:25 --> 01:02:27
			If you're already at that point where they
		
01:02:27 --> 01:02:28
			have made the decision to do something haram,
		
01:02:28 --> 01:02:30
			it's too late already for conversations.
		
01:02:31 --> 01:02:33
			Now, you have to make a decision how
		
01:02:33 --> 01:02:35
			much influence you have on that child.
		
01:02:36 --> 01:02:38
			If you think that you have lost that
		
01:02:38 --> 01:02:40
			battle right now, don't pick that fight at
		
01:02:40 --> 01:02:41
			that moment.
		
01:02:43 --> 01:02:45
			Don't pick that fight at that moment.
		
01:02:47 --> 01:02:48
			Build a relationship.
		
01:02:49 --> 01:02:50
			Build a relationship.
		
01:02:51 --> 01:02:52
			The reason is because if you pick that
		
01:02:52 --> 01:02:55
			fight, the system around us is not there
		
01:02:55 --> 01:02:56
			to support us.
		
01:02:57 --> 01:02:59
			As a matter of fact, this is something
		
01:02:59 --> 01:03:01
			for anybody to think about.
		
01:03:02 --> 01:03:04
			Do you know that if a Jewish child
		
01:03:05 --> 01:03:08
			has behavioral issues and they call the family
		
01:03:08 --> 01:03:12
			services, they don't go to regular family, they
		
01:03:12 --> 01:03:12
			call it FACTS.
		
01:03:12 --> 01:03:13
			What do you call it here?
		
01:03:14 --> 01:03:15
			Family Protective Services, whatever.
		
01:03:17 --> 01:03:18
			What do they call it?
		
01:03:19 --> 01:03:20
			Anybody knows the name?
		
01:03:21 --> 01:03:21
			Whatever.
		
01:03:21 --> 01:03:24
			So, whatever name, for the Jewish people, they
		
01:03:24 --> 01:03:24
			have their own.
		
01:03:26 --> 01:03:28
			When the police come and they see it's
		
01:03:28 --> 01:03:29
			a Jewish child, it doesn't go to the
		
01:03:29 --> 01:03:30
			regular services.
		
01:03:31 --> 01:03:32
			They have set up their own system and
		
01:03:32 --> 01:03:35
			they've got it regulated by the government that
		
01:03:35 --> 01:03:40
			it follows their doctrinal methods of whatever the
		
01:03:40 --> 01:03:42
			rabbi and all of that are going to
		
01:03:42 --> 01:03:45
			teach that child to conform to the teachings
		
01:03:45 --> 01:03:45
			of the parent.
		
01:03:46 --> 01:03:47
			And they have the same thing in Canada.
		
01:03:49 --> 01:03:52
			Any Jewish child that comes, police comes to
		
01:03:52 --> 01:03:55
			the door, Jewish child, alright, we're going to
		
01:03:55 --> 01:03:58
			call the family services, we're not authorized or
		
01:03:58 --> 01:04:01
			trained, we respect your religion so much, we're
		
01:04:01 --> 01:04:04
			going to refer you to this Jewish services
		
01:04:04 --> 01:04:05
			of yours.
		
01:04:06 --> 01:04:11
			But we as Muslims, we are 12 times
		
01:04:11 --> 01:04:13
			the population of the Jewish population in America
		
01:04:13 --> 01:04:17
			and also in Canada we're even greater, but
		
01:04:17 --> 01:04:19
			we're not focused on these systems, we're just
		
01:04:19 --> 01:04:22
			focused on making sure that my child becomes
		
01:04:22 --> 01:04:24
			a doctor or engineer or worst case scenario,
		
01:04:24 --> 01:04:25
			a lawyer.
		
01:04:26 --> 01:04:26
			Right?
		
01:04:27 --> 01:04:29
			And then if nowadays, if you can't become
		
01:04:29 --> 01:04:31
			anything, at least make sure you go work
		
01:04:31 --> 01:04:32
			for the FANG.
		
01:04:33 --> 01:04:34
			You know what that FANG is?
		
01:04:35 --> 01:04:35
			Right?
		
01:04:35 --> 01:04:37
			People who know what FANG is, they know
		
01:04:37 --> 01:04:37
			what FANG is, right?
		
01:04:38 --> 01:04:39
			What's FANG?
		
01:04:41 --> 01:04:46
			Facebook, Apple, Alphabet, okay, Apple, it's debatable.
		
01:04:48 --> 01:04:50
			Netflix, Netflix and Google.
		
01:04:50 --> 01:04:53
			Facebook, Apple, Netflix and Google, FANG.
		
01:04:54 --> 01:04:54
			Okay?
		
01:04:55 --> 01:04:56
			But anyhow, good question.
		
01:04:56 --> 01:04:56
			Barakallah fiqh.
		
01:04:57 --> 01:04:58
			Next person.
		
01:05:01 --> 01:05:02
			We wanted to do anonymous.
		
01:05:02 --> 01:05:02
			Yes, yes.
		
01:05:13 --> 01:05:14
			Barakallah fiqh.
		
01:05:31 --> 01:05:31
			Sure.
		
01:05:33 --> 01:05:36
			Yeah, I can definitely elaborate on that.
		
01:05:37 --> 01:05:39
			Everybody's got, who has a calculator on their
		
01:05:39 --> 01:05:39
			hand?
		
01:05:41 --> 01:05:42
			Anybody's got a calculator?
		
01:05:43 --> 01:05:44
			All right, great.
		
01:05:45 --> 01:05:47
			What time are you supposed, what age are
		
01:05:47 --> 01:05:48
			you supposed to command the child?
		
01:05:49 --> 01:05:50
			At what age for salah?
		
01:05:51 --> 01:05:52
			Seven.
		
01:05:53 --> 01:05:55
			What age did Prophet shallallahu alaihi wasallam say
		
01:05:55 --> 01:05:56
			that you can hit the child?
		
01:05:57 --> 01:05:58
			Ten.
		
01:06:00 --> 01:06:03
			From the time he's seven until he becomes
		
01:06:03 --> 01:06:07
			ten, how many salahs would he have to
		
01:06:07 --> 01:06:07
			pray?
		
01:06:08 --> 01:06:10
			Who can do the math for that?
		
01:06:12 --> 01:06:16
			365 times 5,000, what?
		
01:06:19 --> 01:06:21
			5,475.
		
01:06:23 --> 01:06:27
			Prophet shallallahu alaihi wasallam gave us the permission
		
01:06:28 --> 01:06:33
			to, to hit your child if they don't
		
01:06:33 --> 01:06:36
			pray after you as a father or mother
		
01:06:36 --> 01:06:39
			have told your child 5,475 times to
		
01:06:39 --> 01:06:40
			pray.
		
01:06:43 --> 01:06:45
			Now I had a neighbor, she was a
		
01:06:45 --> 01:06:46
			dog trainer.
		
01:06:47 --> 01:06:49
			She's going to laugh at this, but it's
		
01:06:49 --> 01:06:49
			amazing.
		
01:06:50 --> 01:06:52
			And I saw her training these puppies.
		
01:06:52 --> 01:06:53
			She would have these puppies and she would
		
01:06:53 --> 01:06:57
			like, she would do all of these weird
		
01:06:57 --> 01:06:59
			moves and it's like, come, and then she
		
01:06:59 --> 01:07:02
			was training them for service dogs.
		
01:07:03 --> 01:07:05
			So one day she was walking up and
		
01:07:05 --> 01:07:06
			down and she would like, you know, walk,
		
01:07:07 --> 01:07:09
			loop, and she would do all these weird
		
01:07:09 --> 01:07:13
			things that the dog would submit and all
		
01:07:13 --> 01:07:14
			of that.
		
01:07:14 --> 01:07:16
			So I asked her, I said, how many
		
01:07:16 --> 01:07:19
			times do you have to tell a dog
		
01:07:19 --> 01:07:24
			a particular command before they actually, because they
		
01:07:24 --> 01:07:26
			can't understand, but they can understand the reward
		
01:07:26 --> 01:07:28
			mechanism, but how many times do you have
		
01:07:28 --> 01:07:31
			to repeat it so that it becomes part
		
01:07:31 --> 01:07:32
			of the dog's psyche?
		
01:07:33 --> 01:07:34
			What do you think is the number?
		
01:07:37 --> 01:07:37
			Seven?
		
01:07:37 --> 01:07:37
			No.
		
01:07:44 --> 01:07:50
			That was, 700 times.
		
01:07:52 --> 01:07:55
			Our children are smarter than dogs.
		
01:07:58 --> 01:08:00
			Even if we had told a child 700
		
01:08:00 --> 01:08:02
			times to pray, you wouldn't have to hit
		
01:08:02 --> 01:08:02
			the child.
		
01:08:04 --> 01:08:04
			Right?
		
01:08:05 --> 01:08:07
			And if you read the sharh of this
		
01:08:07 --> 01:08:11
			hadith, it says the hitting part, right, some
		
01:08:11 --> 01:08:13
			of the people they say it's actually to
		
01:08:13 --> 01:08:17
			emphasize how important it is the 5,545
		
01:08:17 --> 01:08:18
			times.
		
01:08:20 --> 01:08:22
			To emphasize that, you know, don't miss out
		
01:08:22 --> 01:08:23
			on these 5,500.
		
01:08:24 --> 01:08:25
			And what do we say?
		
01:08:26 --> 01:08:27
			Bacha hai.
		
01:08:28 --> 01:08:28
			He's small.
		
01:08:29 --> 01:08:30
			Allah sagheer.
		
01:08:32 --> 01:08:33
			Salatul Fajr.
		
01:08:33 --> 01:08:35
			Ya, miskeen.
		
01:08:36 --> 01:08:36
			Right?
		
01:08:36 --> 01:08:40
			I was out, we went camping and mashallah
		
01:08:40 --> 01:08:43
			we had all like Arab families and Somali
		
01:08:43 --> 01:08:44
			families, all of them.
		
01:08:44 --> 01:08:47
			Fajr time comes, there's only two kids.
		
01:08:50 --> 01:08:52
			8, 9, 10, 11, some are like 12.
		
01:08:53 --> 01:08:55
			They're like miskeen, wallahi.
		
01:08:55 --> 01:08:57
			Last night sheikh he was very late, it
		
01:08:57 --> 01:08:59
			became too late, I don't want to disturb.
		
01:08:59 --> 01:09:01
			He needs to get his nine hours.
		
01:09:02 --> 01:09:06
			We screw our own children for our belief
		
01:09:06 --> 01:09:07
			systems.
		
01:09:08 --> 01:09:08
			Not them.
		
01:09:09 --> 01:09:11
			If you wake up the child and say
		
01:09:11 --> 01:09:13
			pray, wallahi the child will pray and go
		
01:09:13 --> 01:09:15
			back to sleep faster than you.
		
01:09:16 --> 01:09:18
			But he will know that this is something
		
01:09:18 --> 01:09:20
			important to do.
		
01:09:20 --> 01:09:22
			I have a rule right now with my
		
01:09:22 --> 01:09:23
			older children.
		
01:09:25 --> 01:09:29
			I'm trying to train them, they're 17 and
		
01:09:29 --> 01:09:29
			15.
		
01:09:31 --> 01:09:34
			I don't want to be a parent who
		
01:09:34 --> 01:09:34
			wakes them up.
		
01:09:36 --> 01:09:39
			So I want to build autonomy in them.
		
01:09:39 --> 01:09:41
			Alhamdulillah my older daughter is fine but now
		
01:09:41 --> 01:09:43
			the other ones, so all I do is
		
01:09:43 --> 01:09:45
			I wake up, salamu alaikum, it's time for
		
01:09:45 --> 01:09:47
			Fajr, Alexa, hang up.
		
01:09:51 --> 01:09:52
			And he's like no no we gotta go
		
01:09:52 --> 01:09:53
			and wake them.
		
01:09:53 --> 01:09:55
			I'm like listen, it's not your responsibility, they're
		
01:09:55 --> 01:09:56
			baligh.
		
01:09:57 --> 01:09:59
			We have taught them the deen, we've taught
		
01:09:59 --> 01:10:01
			them aqeedah, we've taught them fiqh, we've taught
		
01:10:01 --> 01:10:02
			them these are the fara'id.
		
01:10:03 --> 01:10:05
			They have to own up to their responsibility.
		
01:10:06 --> 01:10:09
			The reason why it's so important to raise
		
01:10:09 --> 01:10:14
			specially men like this, specially men, and I'll
		
01:10:14 --> 01:10:18
			emphasize this, is because many many many sisters,
		
01:10:18 --> 01:10:27
			they end up becoming victims of our over
		
01:10:27 --> 01:10:32
			protectiveness of the men, children, young men when
		
01:10:32 --> 01:10:33
			they're being raised.
		
01:10:33 --> 01:10:35
			We don't want to question them, we don't
		
01:10:35 --> 01:10:37
			want to, there's so many rules applied to
		
01:10:37 --> 01:10:39
			the girl but not too many on the
		
01:10:39 --> 01:10:41
			brothers, it's okay he can go out, he
		
01:10:41 --> 01:10:43
			can have this, he can have whatever, he
		
01:10:43 --> 01:10:45
			can come whatever, but all the rules apply
		
01:10:45 --> 01:10:45
			to the girls.
		
01:10:46 --> 01:10:54
			And this person was never given the car
		
01:10:54 --> 01:10:57
			color of his own car, the parents did
		
01:10:57 --> 01:10:58
			not let him choose that.
		
01:10:59 --> 01:11:01
			He's buying a new car, don't buy a
		
01:11:01 --> 01:11:03
			black car, it's Houston, it's going to be
		
01:11:03 --> 01:11:04
			very hot, why?
		
01:11:09 --> 01:11:10
			Let him make the mistake.
		
01:11:12 --> 01:11:16
			So allow your children to make failures, specially
		
01:11:16 --> 01:11:18
			your men, allow the young men to have
		
01:11:18 --> 01:11:21
			failures early on in their lives so that
		
01:11:21 --> 01:11:25
			when they are becoming men who Islamically are
		
01:11:25 --> 01:11:27
			supposed to be leading a family, they know
		
01:11:27 --> 01:11:27
			how to lead.
		
01:11:28 --> 01:11:30
			But if they've never had a failure, the
		
01:11:30 --> 01:11:34
			first failure they have, the guy's like, I'm
		
01:11:34 --> 01:11:36
			done, right?
		
01:11:36 --> 01:11:40
			Wallahi I did a nikah, the marriage broke
		
01:11:40 --> 01:11:41
			in four weeks.
		
01:11:43 --> 01:11:44
			They came to me and they said, Sheikh
		
01:11:44 --> 01:11:45
			we want Tanakh.
		
01:11:46 --> 01:11:47
			I said, what happened?
		
01:11:47 --> 01:11:49
			The sister's like, this guy can't make a
		
01:11:49 --> 01:11:49
			decision?
		
01:11:51 --> 01:11:58
			Literally four weeks, mama, I'm going to buy
		
01:11:58 --> 01:12:00
			grocery, which milk should I buy?
		
01:12:01 --> 01:12:02
			Mama's boy.
		
01:12:02 --> 01:12:03
			You know what I call these?
		
01:12:03 --> 01:12:05
			I call them man cubs.
		
01:12:06 --> 01:12:08
			I'm serious, I call them man cubs.
		
01:12:09 --> 01:12:11
			We need a shaykhan to wake them up.
		
01:12:14 --> 01:12:17
			Yes, exactly from the Lion King, but we
		
01:12:17 --> 01:12:19
			need that tiger, we need shaykhan to wake
		
01:12:19 --> 01:12:19
			them up.
		
01:12:21 --> 01:12:23
			I love the Jungle Book, it's the best
		
01:12:23 --> 01:12:25
			movie of all times.
		
01:12:28 --> 01:12:37
			Anyhow, sister, the mic is traveling to
		
01:12:37 --> 01:12:38
			you.
		
01:12:39 --> 01:12:41
			Be patient and it will arrive.
		
01:12:46 --> 01:12:49
			Alaykum Assalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh.
		
01:12:51 --> 01:12:51
			Bismillah.
		
01:13:19 --> 01:13:20
			Beautiful.
		
01:13:21 --> 01:13:25
			Firstly, if the child has those feelings that
		
01:13:25 --> 01:13:27
			they want to build a really good relationship
		
01:13:27 --> 01:13:30
			with their parent and there happens to be
		
01:13:30 --> 01:13:33
			some barriers in between, firstly, the fact that
		
01:13:33 --> 01:13:35
			you have that true intention, I am very,
		
01:13:35 --> 01:13:39
			very hopeful in Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
		
01:13:39 --> 01:13:41
			that Allah will open paths for you if
		
01:13:41 --> 01:13:41
			you have the right intentions.
		
01:13:42 --> 01:13:45
			Because no father and no mother in their
		
01:13:45 --> 01:13:47
			sane minds if their child is reaching out
		
01:13:47 --> 01:13:50
			to them are going to say no.
		
01:13:50 --> 01:13:52
			But I have seen really bad examples in
		
01:13:52 --> 01:13:53
			the community.
		
01:13:54 --> 01:13:56
			So I'm skeptical too.
		
01:13:56 --> 01:13:58
			One of the things you can do is
		
01:13:58 --> 01:13:59
			rely on some elders within the family.
		
01:14:01 --> 01:14:03
			We have a system of elders.
		
01:14:04 --> 01:14:04
			Right?
		
01:14:05 --> 01:14:06
			We learn from elders.
		
01:14:07 --> 01:14:10
			There is this entire system of cross-generational
		
01:14:10 --> 01:14:11
			learning.
		
01:14:11 --> 01:14:14
			Take maybe an older auntie that you trust.
		
01:14:14 --> 01:14:18
			We always have this one lady in the
		
01:14:18 --> 01:14:18
			house.
		
01:14:19 --> 01:14:20
			It could be your close relative.
		
01:14:20 --> 01:14:21
			It could be a good friend of your
		
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			mother.
		
01:14:22 --> 01:14:23
			And go and talk to them about it.
		
01:14:24 --> 01:14:26
			You can open up to them.
		
01:14:26 --> 01:14:28
			They can have a conversation with your mother.
		
01:14:28 --> 01:14:30
			They know how to get through their mother.
		
01:14:30 --> 01:14:30
			Right?
		
01:14:32 --> 01:14:36
			And then eventually when they're ready when they
		
01:14:36 --> 01:14:38
			say okay let's do this patch up and
		
01:14:38 --> 01:14:40
			we'll allow you to connect and stuff like
		
01:14:40 --> 01:14:40
			that.
		
01:14:40 --> 01:14:42
			Don't do it directly because sometimes the parent
		
01:14:42 --> 01:14:43
			may feel offended.
		
01:14:43 --> 01:14:45
			Now if it happens to be your sibling
		
01:14:45 --> 01:14:47
			then if you happen to be an elder
		
01:14:47 --> 01:14:50
			sibling to this person then you go and
		
01:14:50 --> 01:14:52
			talk to the parents on their behalf.
		
01:14:52 --> 01:14:54
			And if you happen to be a younger
		
01:14:54 --> 01:14:57
			sibling then use some of your elder cousins
		
01:15:00 --> 01:15:02
			who are higher in age because if they're
		
01:15:02 --> 01:15:04
			cultural parents age makes a difference.
		
01:15:05 --> 01:15:09
			If they're raising you culturally age is a
		
01:15:09 --> 01:15:10
			huge impact.
		
01:15:11 --> 01:15:13
			And sometimes you can also tap into the
		
01:15:13 --> 01:15:15
			imams of the local masjids and stuff.
		
01:15:15 --> 01:15:15
			Right?
		
01:15:16 --> 01:15:18
			They can do a casual they can bring
		
01:15:18 --> 01:15:20
			it up in a casual manner not in
		
01:15:20 --> 01:15:21
			an indirect manner.
		
01:15:21 --> 01:15:26
			And then lastly it's dua.
		
01:15:26 --> 01:15:30
			Asking Allah to open their hearts for you
		
01:15:30 --> 01:15:32
			or for your sibling is one of the
		
01:15:32 --> 01:15:35
			best ways that Allah can break down all
		
01:15:35 --> 01:15:36
			of these barriers.
		
01:15:45 --> 01:15:46
			Oh I can go on.
		
01:15:47 --> 01:15:50
			I am I'm thrilled.
		
01:15:51 --> 01:15:53
			Oh we have a class tomorrow.
		
01:15:53 --> 01:15:56
			Those of you we have a class tomorrow.
		
01:15:58 --> 01:16:02
			If you want to learn like all I
		
01:16:02 --> 01:16:05
			can tell you is if you spend the
		
01:16:05 --> 01:16:08
			weekend inshallah together last time I did the
		
01:16:08 --> 01:16:11
			tafseer of surah kahf and I did a
		
01:16:11 --> 01:16:12
			very short version of that.
		
01:16:12 --> 01:16:14
			How many of you were here last time
		
01:16:14 --> 01:16:15
			for the tafseer of surah kahf?
		
01:16:15 --> 01:16:16
			The portions that we did?
		
01:16:17 --> 01:16:17
			Okay.
		
01:16:18 --> 01:16:20
			So what we did last time was a
		
01:16:20 --> 01:16:21
			summarized version.
		
01:16:21 --> 01:16:23
			This time around what we're trying to do
		
01:16:24 --> 01:16:27
			is we have 6 hours tomorrow from 1
		
01:16:27 --> 01:16:28
			o'clock to when?
		
01:16:29 --> 01:16:31
			1 to 6.30 1 to 6.30
		
01:16:31 --> 01:16:32
			So we almost have 10 hours together.
		
01:16:33 --> 01:16:34
			Saturday and Sunday.
		
01:16:35 --> 01:16:36
			And I can tell you that if you
		
01:16:36 --> 01:16:41
			guys come tomorrow inshallah all throughout you're going
		
01:16:41 --> 01:16:43
			to walk away after this weekend never ever
		
01:16:43 --> 01:16:44
			reading surah kahf.
		
01:16:45 --> 01:16:48
			Like there are going to be things that
		
01:16:48 --> 01:16:49
			will be opened up and last time I
		
01:16:49 --> 01:16:52
			couldn't go into any of those details because
		
01:16:52 --> 01:16:53
			I was so constricted on time that I
		
01:16:53 --> 01:16:54
			needed to finish that story.
		
01:16:55 --> 01:16:57
			So inshallah we have that flexibility.
		
01:16:57 --> 01:16:59
			Please do come out tomorrow.
		
01:16:59 --> 01:17:00
			There will be lunch also.
		
01:17:01 --> 01:17:02
			Dinner sorry.
		
01:17:04 --> 01:17:05
			They see people.
		
01:17:05 --> 01:17:06
			3 o'clock lunch.
		
01:17:08 --> 01:17:08
			Dinner.
		
01:17:08 --> 01:17:10
			There will be dinner inshallah for everyone.
		
01:17:10 --> 01:17:11
			So please do come out.
		
01:17:11 --> 01:17:13
			Bring your friends and everyone inshallah.
		
01:17:13 --> 01:17:15
			May Allah bless you all.
		
01:17:16 --> 01:17:18
			And in the end we ask Allah that
		
01:17:18 --> 01:17:23
			Allah gives us truly the understanding of trying
		
01:17:23 --> 01:17:26
			to connect with our children and make us
		
01:17:26 --> 01:17:29
			worthy of the tarbiyah of our children inshallah.
		
01:17:29 --> 01:17:31
			Allahumma salli wa sallim ala nabiyyina Muhammad wa
		
01:17:31 --> 01:17:34
			ala alihi wa sahbihi wa sallim taslimin kathirin
		
01:17:34 --> 01:17:36
			Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh