Adnan Rajeh – Issues of Marriage #08
AI: Summary ©
The speaker discusses the importance of context in marriage, as it is crucial for a healthy relationship. He emphasizes the need to prepare oneself for the partner's needs and to not be seen as weak. He also emphasizes the importance of not being seen as weak and not trying to force a response to see the partner as weak.
AI: Summary ©
With his wives and went and sat on
his own. No one it's impossible. It's not
you can't figure it out. So don't postpone
it too much in life because there's no
point. Don't do it too early when you're
not when you're completely not prepared, but get
married as the prophet taught us and then
learn to manage this relationship because it's a
learning curve that, you know,
it's always gonna be a learning curve. So
what he said, alayhis salaam, and I love
this harib because it symbolizes something really important.
So he said, If you enter the city
at night, if you enter the city at
night, he is speaking alaihis salaam here to
someone who's traveling, to a man who's traveling.
This is before telephones, right? And before
there was any form of communication. So, this
is why it's important to understand this hadith
in the context. See, this is why context
matters in a hadith. You understand what he's
trying to teach. If you don't understand the
context of this hadith, it becomes very awkward
and it doesn't make and if you just
follow it literally, then that means every time
you come into the city from outside you
have to go sleep in a hotel first
night and then come here. And that's not
what he's teaching Adi. So, somebody has a
certain If you come to the city at
night, then don't enter your house
until I'm not gonna explain that because it's
not appropriate for me to go into details
what it means. What it means in general
until your wife can take time to prepare
herself.
Prepare herself for her husband. Because she cares
of how because because your wife cares about
how she presents herself to you as her
husband. And then she cares about how she
looks and what she's How she is. If
you've been away for a couple of months
and she's taking care of the kids
and there's chaos in the house, she's running
both her job and yours. If you come
in and just knock on the door and
walk in the middle of the night, well,
she's not prepared for you. She doesn't have
enough time. She's not ready.
Yes, you want to go and have a
shower and be in your home, but the
prophet
tells you stay out.
Send in that I'm here. I'm I'm I've
arrived in the city. I'm gonna wait and
then you wait outside.
Maybe for the couple of hours, maybe for
the full night. He did this. Not only
did he teach this he did it. He
actually stopped the full army and kept them
outside of Medina for a full night. Why?
So that the wives can take care of
themselves because it matters within this marriage, the
relationship, how she presents herself to you.
Just like it matters to you how you're
presented in front of her. Marriage is not
about breaking all boundaries between both two people.
That's not what marriage is about. Marriage is
not removing every boundary to the point where
there's no there's no personal existence for the
other person. That's not what it's about. The
prophet alaihis salam still cared about how
a wife is going to present herself to
her husband. And how a husband is presenting
himself to his wife to the point where
he would tell you if you come at
night don't enter immediately. Let them know and
wait. Give her time. Give her some time.
She didn't know you were coming and it's
not fair to her.
This is not her this may not be
her best hour. She has the right to
have that time, just like you do. Just
like a man does not like see, this
is for the ladies. See, men don't like
to be seen as weak in front of
their wives. They don't like to be seen
as weak. Don't try to force him to
show you his weakness.
Don't force that because it's not helpful for
him. He needs to be in front of
you. He has to be the man,
the protector, the provider, the guy who has
it all under control.
When he needs when he needs to be
weak, he'll he'll make it clear. When he
doesn't need to be weak and doesn't want
to be seen as weak, don't try to
force his hand to be seen as weak.
Just like you don't want to be presented
in front of your husband in a certain
way, he doesn't want to be presented in
front of you in a certain way as
well. That's okay. There's nothing wrong with that
in a marriage. Nothing wrong with actually
making sure we go out of our way
to allow the other person to present themselves
in the way they want to present themselves.
We go out of our way. Make sure.
If he doesn't like to be seen as
weak, then you go out of your way
as a wife to make sure that you
don't let him know that you saw him
weak Or if you saw him at 1
point weak when he broke down when his
dad passed away. Or he broke down when
he when the business went
under underwater. And he broke down for a
moment. Don't remind him of that and don't
remind him that you saw that because that
takes away his masculinity. He's not as good
as a provider or a protector anymore. And
for you as a husband, if you don't
go out of your way to make sure
she has room so that she can present
herself in the day she wants to present
herself to you, then you are actually taking
away her from her femininity as well and
you're ruining the relationship.
He cares enough alaihis salazar about this to
tell someone who has been traveling for months,
for months, for weeks months in the middle
of the desert that if you come at
night
don't go
until you give her time.
Because he cared about this relationship alaihis salatu
wasallam. It's amazing. Wallahi, it's amazing.
I wouldn't have thought of this at all.
I almost feel like, What do you mean?
I've been on the road for a month.
I'm starving. I am thirsty. I am tired.
I don't care what she looks like but
she does.
I don't care. I'm happy with I know
you are, but she does. It's about her
perception of herself in front of you. That
matters. Just like your perception of yourself in
front of her matters. SubhanAllah.
The etiquette of the prophet alaihis salawat wa
sallam. Hajj Hajj alima. Something something beautiful. That
it's not about I know you don't care.
I know you're tired. You just want to
have a shout. But she cares and we
care about that.
We care about that. We care about how
she perceives herself in front of you and
how you should perceive yourself in front of
her. That's important. Sallallahu
alaihi wa sallam. So learn. This is the
adab that he taught us