Abu Taymiyyah – Q&A Can You Kiss & Fondle With Your Wife While Fasting
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Question that has come up quite a bit
is, what's permissible and not permissible between spouses
during the month of Ramadan?
And one of the brother's prayer goes that
people usually sometimes try to refrain the whole
month. Is this the teaching of the prophet
sallallahu alaihi wasallam?
What did the Messenger Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam do
with his wives in the month of Ramadan,
in terms of, you know, issues related to
intimacy and so on and so forth.
Then the Messenger sallallahu alaihi wa sallam kiss
his wives.
There is a number of hadiths.
For example, you have the hadith of Aisha
radiAllahu ta'ala Anam, which said, can be salalayasam
Prophet was telling him he used to kiss
his wives
in the month of Ramadan.
He also used to fondle with his wives.
However, she mentioned something that's extremely important,
he was in control of his lust,
his sexual desire more than all of you.
There's another narration as
Aisha radiAllahu ta'ala Anha, she said,
started
coming towards her in order to kiss her.
And she said, oh Messenger of Allah, Anosayman.
And then he said Anosayman,
I'm also fasting, faqabbele and he kissed me.
And the examples of that are many.
When it comes to
kissing
a spouse,
we can maybe, inshallah,
put it in 3 categories.
1st category is kissing without shahwa, without lust.
Sometimes you're just leaving the house,
and,
a quick tap on the cheek, or
on the forehead, and you leave.
Say, hey, Adar. Yeah. You have to be
romantic with your wife.
That's what the messenger
used to do. Messenger
was a romantic individual.
I've even thought about
one time doing a lecture,
because I collected all the different romantic things
that the messenger salallahu alaihi wasalam done with
his wives.
Again, the whole lecture today was about how
the messiahsallahu alaihi wasalam conducted himself with his
family,
with his relatives,
right, with his companions.
And we came to know that Amis salaam
alaihi wasalam is
a very nice person,
bubbly individual.
Right?
So going back to what I was saying
about kissing the wife, sometimes you kiss her,
and then it's just quick peck on the
cheek, and then you leave.
There's no harm in that, because there's no
lust
accompanied with that. The second scenario is
kissing her
which is going
to intensify your lust.
The scholars in Muhammad ibn Abdul, they say
this is a magru.
They say disliked
because of what it could lead to,
because of what it could lead to, so
it's disliked.
3rd scenario is if this individual
thinks that after kissing his wife
it is going to lead to *,
in releasing.
And the Madhav of Imam Muhammaduhamatulahi,
this would be what?
Haram.
One thing leads to another, and before you
know it, he has to pay the expiration.
That's why I advise brothers and sisters not
to get married in the month of Ramadan.
You might have a lot of expiations to
pay.
A man came to the Messenger, salallahu alayhi
wa sam jarajan bhi salallahu alayhi rasulullah,
halaktu,
I've destroyed myself.
I've burned myself, you know, burnt myself with
the hellfire, I'm going to be punished in
the hellfire.
So he asked him, the messenger, sallallahu alaihi
wasallam asked him, what did you do? He
said,
I had sexual * with my wife. And
then said to him,
Do you have the ability to free a
slave?
He said
Are you able to feed 60
poor people? He said, And the third thing
is
what? Are you able to fast 2 months
in a row?
Has anybody here that
has the ability to do so?
I know I can't. I can't do 2
months in a row.
Just being honest with myself.
Right?
This, my brothers and my sisters, is
the expiation for doing so.
Lie brothers, and I mentioned this in the
in the lecture, the amount of message I
receive on Instagram.
Forget about one having sexual * with someone
who's lawful fame, falling into haram in the
month of Ramadan.
Having zina in the month of haram, in
the month of Ramadan,
and perhaps the phone is a reason for
that.
I've had cases where the brother, he never
knew her before the month of Ramadan. It's
not like she was his girlfriend.
They had to abstain from her. It ended
up happening in the month of Ramadan. What
was that root cause? The phone.
And then he has to make tawba, a
sincere tawba to Allah
and he has to come with the expression
as well.
Right?
Taib,
someone may say, okay, how do I know
which category I'm from? There's a narration, Sunnabi
Dawood,
at Jarojani mai sallallahu alaihi wa sallam,
and he asked him about fondling with his
wife.
And the messenger said to the first person,
Laba, it's no problem. You can fondle with
your wife. I think everybody knows what that
means, right?
When you get real close and
so I was getting very touchy and,
I thought you guys understood English. Yeah.
Taib.
And then another man came up to the
mrs salallahu alaihi wasalam
and he asked him the same question,
and the mister Allah said no.
Who was the first one?
He was an older person.
Who was the second one?
A shab, a young man.
Hafid al Hakami in his poem of Usul
Al Fikh, Wasiratul Hazole Lamuhimmatul, so it's a
lovely poem. Those who want Usul Al Fikh
more on
sometimes you find that there is a particular
ruling
connected to
a reasoning
or a reason
as long as the reasoning is present, the
hikom applies, that reasoning is no longer present,
the Hukum, the ruling no longer applies, and
some of you may have studied this in,
under that line of poetry.
Why did the Messenger allow
it for an old man, but he didn't
allow it for a young man? Who can
tell me?
What is the reasoning? Well, tell me, what's
the reasoning now?
You see, it's this man has a very
intensified lust.
Young shab,
he's going to lose control of himself.
Not even there's a there's a clip on,
on YouTube, Sheikhzal Al Fozan,
and every time I listen to it, it
just makes me laugh.
Because there's a shab,
he,
he
he got married, and then he had sexual
*, and then he done it again, and
then he done it again in the month
of Ramadan, and then he made he made
Toba, and then he done it again.
He goes, he has to pay expiation for
all of these times,
and everyone starts laughing
from what I remember in the
clip. So you as a shab,
if it means sending your wife to another
house, to your parents house, because
you're gonna really really struggle, then Allah be
it.
Otherwise, you have that waiting for you.
Okay. Did everybody get the question and the
answer?
Inshallah.
So be extra, extra careful when it comes
to that. And again, I'll repeat it again.
It's not advisable
that you marry in the month of Ramadan.
Really isn't.