Abu Taymiyyah – Do I Need Fathers Permission To Get Married
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AI: Transcript ©
There's a number of aspects
guys, guys, calm down.
There's a number of aspects to take into
consideration, guys, here.
I think it's very, very important that we
are balanced,
and
we're not left wing or right wing on
this issue.
1st and foremost, we have to understand why
is he saying no.
Is there anyone here that knows the reason
why
before I move on
answering his question?
Anyone have an idea? Let's say he's not
rich. Maybe he's not rich.
Well, you don't ask,
guys.
1st, you have to you have to inquire
why he's saying no.
Sometimes
he may have
a valid reason.
Right? He doesn't have a problem with you
marrying. It's just
these guys have a reputation. I'll give you
guys something. Right? And I hope he doesn't
get me into trouble.
Sometimes you find
some brothers coming from the Gulf area.
Right? Gulf is a bit more,
We're not singling any country out, but they
come from the Gulf area
to
these lands. Yeah.
They're studying
at university, Sahir.
While he's here because of 4 years, man,
with the fitna and everything, let me just,
you know,
pick out the sister, marry her, and then
as soon as I'm done with my university,
he dumps her.
So, hey, does it happen?
Without the shadow of a doubt?
Okay.
He wants to enjoy himself while he's there.
He's got money.
He's got the petrol dollars,
rials,
whatever else, dinars,
and he wants to keep himself chased while
he's here. Doesn't wanna fall into haram, so
he said, you know what? I'm gonna get
married.
But he knows that his tribe back home
is not going to allow
him to marry an ejnabi, a foreigner.
So before he leaves, you know, he just
leaves her and then goes back and marries
someone from his tribe.
So when a father now,
right, is telling you, listen, take this into
consideration, I'm not comfortable with it, he has
some valid grounds. Agreed?
Not every time that a parent says no,
it's always him just being
stubborn
or unmindful of the situation.
I think that's valid
reasons as to why he's actually, you know,
preventing this from taking place. He's looking out
for you, my sister.
So bear that in
mind. And it happened, well, it still happens.
I've been to a lot of places. I've
been to Ireland, I've been to Scotland,
I've traveled the UK.
Sisters have complained to me. Unfortunately, it's a
situation that we have to be.
Even
I know in places like Morocco,
anyone here from Morocco?
Anyone from Morocco?
That some of these brothers and I'm not
saying all of them, let me just make
this very clear, we can't generalize,
they have a reputation over there,
that they'll come, well, some of these guys
will come, they'll marry their daughters, and then
dump them haras, couple of weeks, he's gone.
So then a father is just there looking
out for his daughter.
Does that make sense? That's the first scenario
second scenario.
He's saying no
based on trivial
issues or reasonings,
right,
that has absolutely no basis in Sharia,
Oh, like, they might be from the same
country, but a different tribe.
I don't like this tribe.
They did this to me 50 years ago
back home,
and now I'm going to not allow you
to get married. Does it happen? Yes. It
does.
Right? I advise you, my sister, first and
foremost, to be very patient with your father.
Right?
To make a lot of dua.
If you can't have that conversation with him,
look for someone that he respects,
that can maybe
have that conversation with him, maybe go through
your mother or his brother, so on and
so forth.
Try to convince him. Remember
how patient our parents were with us when
we were young? Sahih.
When we rebels,
how many things would we do that was
displeasing to our parents? But they were very
patient and they never kicked us out.
So I don't think it's right now to
just throw in the towel.
Be patient, make a lot of Dua, I
honestly believe with 1 Dua that you make
in the last 3rd of the night, the
hearts can change, the Messenger Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam
said,
The hearts are between the fingers of Allah.
Allah can change the hearts very, very quickly,
remember that.
Right?
However,
however, guys,
if he's just being stubborn,
right, he's not fulfilling his responsibility as a
guardian.
Right?
I just don't wanna say yes.
Right? He's not being understanding at all. There
is a step that you could take
that is
within the Sharia guidelines,
and Allah tells
him, right?
Do not
prevent them from getting married,
Don't do what,
which means to just Khilasya and you dislocate
her from getting married.
If he's still being stubborn after you've tried
and tried and impatient,
you can go to
a Sharia court.
Right? And if there is one, the imam
of a masjid or an institution,
they have a system in place where they
will eventually strip him off his wiliyah, his
guardianship.
Does that make sense guys? Yeah.
No.
It's this issue of wilayah guys, the guardianship,
you can't just strip him off.
Sometimes girls, walahi, they just say, oh, he
doesn't follow the sunnah. You know what? Let
me strip him off. Like, it doesn't work
like that.
Doesn't work like that, guys.
Remember there was this case
where the sister was saying, oh, my dad's
a nikhwani.
You guys know what nihwani
is? Part of the political group called nihwani.
So we asked her why. Oh, he watches
all day.
I fear Allah, my sister.
Fear Allah.
Right?
The issue of is not a light matter,
the messenger of salallahu alaihi wa sallam said,
Any woman that gets married without the permission
of a then
the
is said 3 times. Hanikah is invalid, it's
like you're doing zina with him, if you
decide to go ahead with that.
You need his permission.
Also he said
There's no value in the except with the
permission of the wari.
Does that make sense?
By the way, this is the position of
the majority of the scholars. I know the
hanafi madhab has a different
position,
but the 3 madhabs they say
that she must have a wali,
and you can see the evidences are pretty
strong as well. I've really looked into the
matter, and there's a reason why the majority
of the scholars, they took that view.
And we have a lot of respect for
our imam, Imam Abu Hanifa tarahmatullahi alaihi.
And I don't allow anyone to disrespect him.
So that's my advice. I had to elaborate
on
that. Very common question all the time that
I get. I went to Ireland.
Ireland.
And this was one of the most common
questions.
Are you were you with me? You you
were there. Right?
Was there.
His name is Tarek.