Abu Taymiyyah – Be My Bae Choosing a Spouse pt 02
AI: Summary ©
The conversation discusses the negative mentality of marriage and the need for a walima to avoid marriage. It also touches on the importance of fasting and the need for a degree to avoid unnecessary problems. The conversation emphasizes the importance of finding a partner for one's life, including the need for proper documentation and practice to achieve a romantic relationship. The segment ends with a discussion of the importance of fasting and the need for a degree to avoid unnecessary problems.
AI: Summary ©
We're married to 1 maybe too, inshallah ta'ala.
And to maybe look at the issue of
marriage in a more
easier way, in a better way.
Because wallahi
brothers,
sometimes it's our fault Wallahi.
When the issue of marriage comes up, we
look at it as if it's like a
mountain dropping on our heads.
We look at it as such a big
thing.
When the prophet sallallahu alaihi was saying, it's
very very easy, we're gonna come into that
inshallah
The prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam, he said in
hadith, hadith,
Whoever is able to get married
Sorry he said in the beginning,
O youth
Whoever has the ability to get married let
this person get married.
It is more better for a person's eyes
makes it easier for him to lower his
gaze.
And it will help him safeguard
his private parts.
Then the Prophet
told us
And whoever can't do that, whoever can't get
married,
let him fast.
For indeed it is a form of protection
for him.
So what does that mean?
Do I have to wait until I buy
a BMW 1 series?
As this is the condition of some,
especially in Asian communities
by the way, don't think I'm racist. Like,
I was married I was I was married
in Indian.
Especially in Bengali
communities,
you find that this is a big thing.
Do I need to have a big whole
chocolate fountain? Well, I brothers,
this is something that I've actually heard in
my own ears. I want a chocolate fountain
to be there. I want the house, the
rent paid for whole year.
The job that you have, it can't be
temporary.
You have to be permanent in your job.
If you got a temporary job there's an
issue. No, I might think twice, I don't
think you're ready. Get permanent then come back,
or maybe ask for Mahindra marriage.
All these conditions that get put
for a person
in order to fulfill this obligation, that Allah
the reality of the matter is they made
very very easy for us.
The ulama they say regarding this hadith
is of two meanings.
That the
individual is trying to get married,
he needs to have the physical ability to
actually be able to
have intimacy with his wife.
As you are probably aware, when a guy
gets older, he finds it a bit difficult,
or he might reach a stage where it
doesn't tick anymore.
But the ulama, they said this meaning is
not correct. Why? Because the Prophet sallallahu alaihi
wasallam is addressing hudas shabab
And the general nature of a young guy
is the guy can do something.
Most guys, when they get married,
he's gonna do something.
He has the ability and, you know,
that 20 years of weight he wants to
let out, you know.
So the physical ability, they said this meaning
is not
correct.
And some of them they said that
if the person is able to maintain his
wife
financially, but what does that mean?
Because it differs from place to place and
time to time.
Do I need to be able
to be extravagant with her? Do I need
to give her a certain weight every single
month?
How does the Nikah need to be?
Like I mentioned before,
we look at marriage as if it is
a very big issue.
But the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam said,
Olim walobi shatin.
Do your walima even if it is with
1 sheep. With 1 sheep.
To make your walima with 1 sheep,
you bring the wari,
you bring the wari, which is mandatory
as,
Ustad Abdul Wahid was saying, the
Prophet
The word is important.
And he came in another narration, you need
to have 2 Upright Witnesses,
and the Imam.
That is what was mentioned in the hadith,
Only today you find that all these amount
of people that get invited to the wedding,
she needs to have a wedding as well.
Not just the nikah but she needs to
have a wedding as well.
This amount of money needs to be pumped
in.
The prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam kept it
very very simple. He said,
Make your walima even if it is with
1 sheep.
Starting your marriage
with a means of haram.
How do we expect
this transaction that we're doing to have any
barakah in it, when we start in haram
way?
And I'll give an example of this in
another hadith that might not be as direct
but it's something to maybe
lean back on. The Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa
sallam
he told us in a hadith,
You know when you're having a transaction you're
buying or selling.
If a person is truthful
and he clarifies,
he's not hiding some rotten tomatoes on the
bottom of the crate.
He's truthful and He makes it clear.
Allah
bless their marriage.
And if they lie and they conceal Allah
will take the baraka out, Allah will take
the baraka out.
So this is pertaining a transaction when it
comes to buying and selling.
Likewise, this is a transaction.
You're going into a contract.
So the ulama, they looked at this hadith
I just mentioned and they said
anytime any aspect of haram goes in to
any transaction,
it takes the barakah out.
So you're now starting your marriage
before you even go into your honeymoon period
or you start your relationship, you start in
haramana.
You waste so much money, there's people dying
of poverty and you go and you spend
so much
and you bring a chocolate fountain and a
BMW
standing outside,
What I've seen is some Bengali
communities
And please brothers, I don't want anyone to
take offend or anything like that.
What do they call these cause? Bendlies, bendlies
are piled up in front of the hole.
I've piled them in front of I've got
very a lot of the brothers I teach
in in Lesta, a lot of them from,
Bengali community.
I've seen with my own eyes.
It's coming like that. It's lined up.
Or for what? For one day? And
the barakah gets taken out,
and a lot of time you find
it leaves a bitter taste in the guy
that just got married in his mouth. Why?
Because he spent so much and I'm gonna
come on to that late InshaAllahu ta'ala.
Then the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam said, if
you're not able to do this, then it's
upon you to fast.
Today what do we have?
You're not able to get married due to
whatever reason.
What happens? He goes and gets a girlfriend.
Allah Subhanahu WA TAW told us
Those who safeguard their private parts,
except
the wives
and those with the right hand possesses.
The Prophet
never said that if you can't get married
then go get a girlfriend
or go and watch * and start *,
so I'm not gonna be around the bush
here, I'm gonna be very very straight. This
is something that has affected our community.
Wallahi brothers called me from Canada. Canada.
The parent is making things very very difficult.
They are asking for 10,000,
was it 20 or 10?
Can't remember who named
it. There's a video I have on this.
I think it was 20.
I think they're requesting $20,000
and you need to have a degree as
well.
You need to have a degree.
20,000 for the diarrhea, otherwise, it's a no
go.
So what do they start doing? These are
practicing, brother. Forget about the guys on the
streets. Guys
with and
to their shin.
Practicing and taking the religion seriously
because they haven't been able
to go through the
right way. What happens?
They started
going to these kind of means that Allah
without a shadow of Allah has prohibited.
Watching pornographics
and then *,
which is totally haram in our religion.
And that's the problem that we have today.
Some of our parents have made things so
difficult for us, the conditions that have been
put on every single individual.
We as a generation that's coming out now,
we have the ability to change this.
If it doesn't get changed now,
the same mentality of some of the elders
is going to remain.
And our children are against fitna more than
anyone else.
They study in this free mixing
universities which is very very easy to go
and come to zina tomorrow.
May Allah
save every single one of us from this.
So the Prophet
he said what? He said fast.
If your desire is so high
you have
Monday Thursday.
If you still can't hack it,
there's a second step that prophet
told us.
You fast one day and you break 2
days.
You fast one day and you break 2
days.
You tend to find that when a person
is fasting his desire tends to be more
or less,
or the energy is just not there.
And he was still like
roasting after that.
Then you have the best form of fasting
which the prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam told
us, Tasiyam
Dawood
to fast one day and to break one
day. To fast one day and to break
one day.
And if you're still, then, O Allah, I
don't think I can advise you,
you know, pertaining that. These 3 have been
given to us. There's a reason why He
said, It's
a protection for you and it works.
A person's
desire tends to cut big time.
Have you seen yourself like in the month
of Ramadan, you're walking in town and you
feel like
so many people are well, you don't even
know who's spoken past you
because you're so like, you know, it's drained
you out.
That's just some steps, you know. It goes
back to the person how
high his desire is that he can actually
go and refer back to.
Now moving on to
that which we all wanna
hear, what to actually
look for inside a wife.
You know, brothers, we need to understand,
this is a big moment.
When we choose that spouse,
it's a big moment of our life. Why?
Because till you die,
I'm sure nobody enters into a marriage, he
wants to divorce and then maybe get married
to someone else. The mentality that we enter
into that