Abu Eesa Niamatullah – We Are Terrible Parents

			It is without doubt that the single class that I get asked most about and why don't you bring it
back again? And when can you teach it here? And when will it go to that city? And is it going online
is protect this house and Muslim Institute presents q&a with shabu, essene amatola. We have
relationships that affects us deeply every single day. And these relationships are random ones with
friends and colleagues and work folks and you know, students and, and mates and neighbors, and then
distant family then, of course, the really important ones, a nuclear family, the relationship of the
wife is you know, and with your husband, your parents, your in laws. And then of course, your
		

			children. All of these have different levels of importance attached to them, all of them have
different consequences if you mess them up. Or if you get it right, our parents literally our
agenda, our children are literally our keys to gender, you put the effort into helping your children
memorize the Quran, they become, they become Yanni intercessors. For you, they will plead a loss of
power to Allah to allow their parents to enter and that is something very important if you are
sinners, like we are, we can become dependent upon them our progeny. So you'll see that these
relationships they require a special concern, but also a correct concern. And so we're looking for
		

			guidance from the professor lice element from the from the Quran, and the scholars and their wisdom
on how to actually perfect our behavior and how which is also so important to react in difficult
circumstances because it's not easy. And if you see the focus of Allah Subhana Allah when it comes
to treating our parents and how to interact with them, it's very interesting how Allah subhanaw
taala focuses on the fact when they get old. Why, because when they get old is when they become
difficult when they become impatient when they become any not so tolerant of your behavior and your
views and they become more insistent on their own. And these are the challenges that make life very
		

			difficult for a person. You will see that when it comes to children. It's not when they're very
young, that is a problem. Everyone loves kids when they're young, but they become the nightmare that
we know when they become teenagers and the stress that they bring and all of their issues. And we
need to know what's worth it. What's North leaving, what are the actual challenges how to interact
with them in the right way. Per the guidance, as I mentioned, Mr. Bahari and Iraq Matala, he did
this a great favor. He is of course, I mean, what meaning with Hades is the champion, the king of
the scholars, the soprano dilemma. And he wrote he of course, everyone knows about Sahadeva Hydra He
		

			also wrote a book called edible more threads, which was a small separate book that he dedicated just
to edit just the the, the way that we should conduct ourselves with every single possible
interaction and relationship that we have with everything, the environment, how we walk, how we
drink, how we sneeze, how we say hello to people, how we have friends, and what we should do with
our parents, or we shouldn't do with our in laws and and, and the first 100 headies Suppan a lot of
this amazing collection, he focused on the immediate and very important members of our, our family
that the most important relationships who started with the parents, and then he went on to the wider
		

			family that includes brothers, sisters, uncles, and grandparents and down and so on. And then he
went into children. And that gives us a framework. And I prepared this class originally, in terms of
its primordial form about 12 years ago. And at that time, I tell you what was interesting. There
wasn't so much material that there is like today, on the issues of fat and happy that and had Ethan
had his studies and authenticity of Hades, and who the companions are, the narrators are in the
history of the Imams. And then Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan. And so whenever we were teaching something about
a subject would always be really trying to ensure that we bring up the other aspects of knowledge as
		

			well, always introducing other areas and rune
		

			12 years later, now, and I'm really relaunching this class, the situation is different, the field is
different, okay? There's hundreds and 1000s of videos covering the lives of the companions and, and
what they're left behind. And tradition and headed sciences and authenticity, unfair cannot be that
and this and that. And hamdulillah Tao has spread, we have so many classes that are covering these
areas, specifically, now the pressure is off of having to try and pack every single thing into just
one class when it's meant to be about this and you're trying to teach everything else about Islam
before there was a big pressure, because most of the stuff that you were teaching, they were not
		

			attractive to people, you know, tell tell him to come and study hiding sciences or either they're
not interested. But if we're going to talk about Yoni your wife or problems you have with her and
how to solve it and why your husband's it's such a waste of space and how we're going to deal with
that. And that was the you know, attracting people didn't you say the magic word parenting,
everyone's ears, you know, pop up and so now that the people that come then I was like, Alright, now
that they have got to tell them how important he is to follow the sun and you've got to understand
that gains are going to be corrected. There was a pressure to wrap everything in. And so you
		

			remember from the early classes and versions of protect this house, it was a class that was
		

			okay, it was stupid.
		

			Due to due to so much information. So you might say what's different experiences different. I've
taught this now I don't know, 3040 times all around the world, so much feedback came back to us that
came to me, and made me reflect on all sorts of panela practically seeing the class flow. And I
realized that actually, what is needed now is less so much formal focus on the separate other
educational aspects of Islam, but allowing people to express themselves to discuss and debate their
problems and their issues, real life real term problems. Yeah, you know, they say that when you're
teaching use case based study, and so on. What I actually saw, even though my intention was one
		

			thing that the class turned into case based study people out there saying, but now I don't like your
opinion about what you think about that family member. And I don't accept what you say about Islamic
schools. And that's unacceptable when you see teachers like this, and why is it that we need to do
this, and that was brilliant for the class, we were able to open up and debate and that's when I
realized that this class it's x factor is the debate of the debate opportunity for every single
person to be able to honestly openly whether it's a an open in the class or written down, allowing
us to debate anonymously, the real issues, the real challenge is about parents that the real problem
		

			that you're having that your parents not allowing you to get married to the person you want to force
you to get married to your cousin that or Paxil was a curse for our lives to have to do. Our
children the only and the choices that we have to make and the fact that now mobile phones have
destroyed absolutely everything. And the fact that schools are popping up and everyone everyone
around you thinks you should go to an Islamic school but you know, and I know that they're rubbish
because educational quality is poor or whatever, the desire to make heaven but your kid can't
memorize the I don't even use our money. I don't even wash my syllable. Haha, you're stuck. You
		

			don't know what's going on? What's the way that I can discipline My child, I really want to do a
pack job like and what happened to me and never did me any harm you you know that phrase, right?
I've got BLF right in Sydney. So it will do good to these kids as well as good for the goose will be
good for the gander. The truth is, is the law beyond your case immediately. And that's even worse.
So then how do we understand child discipline. And so all of these things are real issues that
people have got real takes on meaning that their real life experiences now show that the situation's
have changed. The reality is the punishments. The rewards that were available 12 years ago, are now
		

			so different. Another parent, a parent now never has to raise our hand against a child in our
current time, let alone the legal reasons. Just generally from a cultural point of view, we are able
to get other things done without having to resort to violence and why is it that we resort to
violence? Why is it that we are so poor in our parenting? Truth be told, because we like to take our
inability and our deficiencies in an area and deal with ourselves and we like to blame other people.
And that frustration can cause damage in this life. But you know, that's okay. might make you
miserable, but damaging the Acura, you mess up dealing with your parents when they become difficult
		

			for you when they become more demanding when they become your honey sometimes unbearable, but you
mess up in giving them their rights and treating them like what Allah commanded you to do. Even if
you don't like it, you are going to go to * or open violating the disobedience of the parents is
the worst sin that you can possibly imagine right up there just off the shelf and Riba and killing
and it's up there because this is the co founder Nair, it is denying the most obvious of blessings,
your actual existence, and your children work. I don't either. The last thing I need to talk to you
about is your children and the importance of Ganga. tarbiyah, right we give a whole day a whole day
		

			is spent on parenting and of course, your relationship with your spouse because that's so essential
for the stability of our Muslim communities. We're already a minority as it is within the minority
practicing people they are so important that they are strong and upon a good foundation and a
religious foundation. And you know, and I've discussed this before, when it comes to dominion and
other places that another thing pleases at least as much as breaking up and splitting between the
believing men and believing woman that is the success for them. The only bidder and conference
shipped whatever whatnot I just added by the by man. He says inheritances a Muslim, but when the
		

			shutdown comes and says I split between the wife cause divorce I caused this breakup between them.
		

			says you are the man what a superstar you are You did a great job because of the impact it has. It
shakes the confidence of the community. This is a class that people have described, as I mentioned
in another video as absolutely essential as the most important they made it very happy and very
proud, of course that I can be described in that way. This particular class I put together but you
know why is is because it's completely war. We are very open. We are there we are talking no topic
is off off limits. Many people will remember that really heated discussions we have in class about
issues of domestic abuse, sexual abuse, the issue of forgiving of forgiveness, the issue of going to
		

			the law, going to the law and who to bring in social services. How do we deal with Islamic school
problems? How do we deal with so many things
		

			I don't think that there's anything of any value with respect to the most difficult relationship
issues that we have the things that stress us out most in our lives on a day to day basis that is
missed from protect this house, because it's open, you just put your hand up, and you debate and you
argue. So you might say what's then the difference from this from the old class to new or is the
same is still awesome. It's still the only relevant, it's still the only my favorite class to teach.
It's still my most relevant class, I should say, I guess I probably say favorites every class, but
it's certainly the one that I really feel. And I really feel that people feel so that's why I still
		

			think that
		

			it's hitting the mark. But it's better now that we've taken the slight focus on companions and
tabbing in a bad habit in in some of the the history of headings the way we're still basing upon
memorable, hottest text, you can't take Janet King away, you can't take away his structure, because
it's brilliant. There's a magic to it. There's a wisdom, which is beautiful when it comes in flows.
But that's just going to be the structure now it's going to be a much greater focus on the actual
topic itself. And I've changed my opinions many times on some of the issues. That's maturity my
children when I was teaching this first time were exactly that kids going through the memorization
		

			process nice and easy, very obedient. Now they're bigger than I am taller than I am with four years
on. That's given me new perspectives I've studied now more I've changed my my, my view with respect
to ideas, theories, educational science has developed as well. You read more you change one you
know, people change and become mature at the age of 41. That happened ages ago, I've changed even
since I changed after 14. So this these are the ideas you bring. And as you will remember from one
of my main slogans from from protect this house, parenting is not something which has been
prescribed by Allah perhaps in a specific way. It's one of his greatest mercies. It's always
		

			evolving. There's always flexibility there ideas can come from everywhere, good practice is
something which is not so defined to one time one person, one particular religion or one particular
culture or one particular approach or one university or one whichever research study. Everyone's got
good practice that they can bring forward and share. I know people benefited so much from protect
this house, you need it again, if you if you did it before ages ago. That's because everyone says it
so I have to believe it. And if you if you've not taken it before, try it and tell me if it's not
the one of the best experiences that you will have what the most beneficial insha Allah, we have to
		

			protect our lives. Our lives are based upon our family and our relationships. They preserve our Deen
for us. That means we protect our assets and that is why we have to protect this house.