Abdur Rahman ibn Yusuf Mangera – When you really want to marry someone, but
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The speaker discusses the importance of avoiding past experiences and negative emotions when marriage is a good fit for one. It is important to be realistic and give oneself a certain timeframe to pursue one's interests. Being realistic and giving oneself a certain period of time to achieve their goals is crucial to achieving a miserable life. The importance of guidance and helping one achieve success is also emphasized.
AI: Summary ©
Bismillah your man you're walking
similar Hoffman or human hamdulillah Han Rabbil Alameen wa
salatu salam ala see even more saline while he was so happy he
married a mother called a loved about ACOTA Isla Philip Quran,
Majeed will Furqan Hamid as the intagra, who shall Yahweh who will
have a look on what I said unto him Bucha and will worship will
look on.
One of the issues that we get consulted about quite a bit is,
and I've had a number of these questions is that you've got,
you've got this brother or the sister who wants to marry, you
know, want to marry someone, and they think they found the right
person, and then they've become either intellectually obsessed or
emotionally obsessed with them. And they think that this is the
best person. I mean, this is quite a natural feeling that happens
sometimes, that if you found somebody that seems to tick all
the boxes that have been in your mind, you know, for a prospective
spouse, you then suddenly latch on to them and you become so
emotionally attached that you think that you can't get anything
better than that. And then what happens is that if there's ever a
hitch, if there's ever an obstacle put into your path, in terms of
that marriage, maybe your parents don't like that person, or maybe
their parents won't agree to it, because you're from a different
background, different ethnicity, different costs, different
language, or they just don't like you for whatever reason, or you
got family problems with them, you know, your father, or your mother
or your family had any issues with them. I mean, these are all
different manifestations. I've seen all of these issues, like,
you know, with all of these different issues that have come
about, what happens is you get these emails you get these people
consulting you about,
what can I do? What's the most effective thing to overcome this
hurdle, this obstacle? How do we deal with this issue, and so on? I
think one of the things that we have to understand here is that we
don't know what's the best thing for us, Allah subhanaw taala says
is that sometimes you may love something, you may really, really
want something and desire something, even though it's bad
for you, it's actually disliked for you, it's, it's actually
harmful for you for the future. And then in some cases, you may
just dislike something at the outset, you may have some kind of
hatred for it, you may have some kind of dislike for it, you may
not have any kind of love for it, but it's actually better for you.
So we don't really know, because that's how we that's how the world
works. I mean, we know from our past experiences, and our history,
our own history that sometimes you know, we've thought of things in a
particular way, but they've come up come to be something else as
well. So how do you deal with this issue? Firstly, what I normally
say is that, look, if you really want something, if you really want
something in life, ask Allah subhanho wa Taala for it, as long
as it's halal, and as long as you're doing it in the right way
that is permissible for you to ask Allah subhanaw taala persist in
your questioning without, you know, without asking for, you
know, without asking for something unusual, or something, something
embarrassing to happen. Essentially, what we're saying is
that you can ask Allah subhanaw taala I normally say, Look, if you
really want something, get up for Tahajjud prayer, give some sadaqa
get off a dodgy prayer and then make some sincere dua for number
of days. Right. Now, if Allah subhanaw taala really wants you to
have that these dua should be powerful enough. But you must
always also remember and this is the most important thing you must
remember that we don't really know
if this thing is good for us or bad for us. So as much dua as you
make, you should definitely give that give that a chance. And you
should really ask Allah subhanaw taala. But if Allah subhanaw taala
doesn't want us to have that thing, then what we need to really
be clear about and what we really need to understand is that we need
to be able to overcome our obsession, we need to overcome our
emotion, and we mustn't then reduce our own lives to some kind
of miserable existence, where just because we can't get them, we're
going to be trying that for you know, for years and years to come,
we have to be realistic about it, we have to be reasonable about our
pursuits. So what I normally say is that look, you will try to do
the best that you can do, you will try to make as as much data as
possible, give sadaqa to everything, you know, in your
ability will between you and Allah subhanaw taala to make this work,
but have a timeline, have a have a certain period in which you will
do this for so you'll say you'll give it two months, you'll give it
maximum three months, I don't suggest that you go for a year
because at the end of the day, when it comes to marriage, we're
always getting older things change, illnesses could hit us and
you know, the longer we live most in most cases according to the
general way that Allah subhanaw taala has made the world we
generally have less potential afterwards. So the older we get,
the less likely you know the we become less likely to get married
to who we really want to generally speaking, I mean this is not
always the case. So what I'm saying is that we need to be
realistic about it. We need to give it a certain period of time
we'll say okay for three months, this is what I'm going to try to
do and inshallah if it works in this and I'm going to make every
dollar
To Allah subhanaw taala I can to make this work. But if in three
months, it doesn't happen, then I need to detach myself. And the
best thing to do in this case is to do is the heart. I mean, there
is another nother video lecture we have on istikhara and emotional
attachment and so on. But this one in particular was just about being
realistic and reasonable about it, where we give ourselves a
timeframe. And then we don't just obsess forever. I mean, believe
me, a lifelong obsession with something you can't get, it is
extremely detrimental for you, you know, from every perspective,
because it will slow you down, it will inhibit you, it will make you
miserable, it will make you sad, it will make you depressed, you
won't be able to get work done properly, you won't be able to
really pursue anything else that is important to pursue, it will
have an impact on your life, it will have an impact on your
health, it will have an impact on your, in your status in many
different ways. And at the end of the day, Allah subhanaw taala has,
you know, as they say, there's a lot of fish in the sea. Right?
There are many fish in the sea and this obsession that we have
sometimes that this is the best person believe me, it's not always
the case, it seems like that but Allah subhanaw taala can very
easily put something much better in another person. And there are
so many other people were vocally the Illuminati as Allah subhanho
wa Taala says that beyond every knowledgeable person, there's a
more knowledgeable person. And this is the same with everything
else. It's just that sometimes we don't know that. So again, to
reiterate, let us not think that the thing we have is going to be
the only thing for us and we're going to pursue it until we get it
or even if we don't get it, we're going to pursue it until we die.
That kind of an obsession is not really reasonable. And it's really
detrimental for us. So Allah subhanaw taala give us the Tofik
Allah fulfill I mean we make dua to Allah subhanho wa Taala that
you fulfill our permissible desires, but he also make us
reasonable in the way we pursue things and in what we pursue and
May Allah guide us alright. Allahumma alumna husana Where
isn't I mean surely and phocoena that's a that's a famous da that's
a very powerful dua which means Oh Allah al him nourished Anna
inspire me of my ways of guidance is my inspire me in guidance guide
me essentially inspire me with my guidance in the way I'm supposed
to do things while him and him now Russa isn't I mean, surely and
fusina which means and give me refuge give me protection from the
evils of my own lowly self, of my of my ego of my desires, so I
don't want to succumb to them. But at the end of the day, I want you
to guide me in the best way possible that is for me in this
world and in the hereafter. So Allah subhanaw taala fulfill our
permissible desires and may Allah subhanahu wa taala make it easy
for us to see things correctly and rightly and reasonably and may
Allah subhanaw taala go on to steal for you in this world.
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