Abdur Rahman ibn Yusuf Mangera – What to Look for in a Marriage Partner Dispelling Common Myths
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The speakers discuss the issue of being married to rich women and emphasize the importance of being flexible in spending money. They also emphasize the need for privacy and a good relationship for children. The speakers stress the importance of family lineage and rewarding one's wealth and family lineage, as it is linked to success and success in relationships. They also discuss the dean aspect of the Dean side study and how they were advised to get married to a female partner, but they were not interested in the religious aspect. The speakers emphasize the importance of being a person who can convince oneself that one's success is linked to his family lineage and not just his wealth or family lineage.
AI: Summary ©
Bismillah your Walkman you're watching
right? What to look for in a partner
in a spouse,
the famous Hadith, I'm sure most of you know which is related by
Muslim. Don't go to
the Irvine, the Maliha where he has to be Howard Willie Jamali her
what he Dini her for me that the telepathic Imam Muslim rates is
Hadith, on the authority of Abu Huraira the Allahu Anhu. So allah
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is giving a general observation, why
do people get married to others for Think about it? Why do people
get married to others?
You know, not just religious perspective. You know, they get
married to somebody.
Some of these things don't necessarily apply in our culture,
cultures are different. So he's just talking across cultures, what
people might get married for. And obviously, he's taking into
consideration the culture of the Arabs of the time. So generally,
people get married for four reasons. Generally, they all come
down to four reasons one
for her wealth.
Now he's talking to men. That's why he's he's saying for the you
know, why a woman? Why would what reasons would you like to marry a
woman for this same thing applies the other way around. And you
could even add to it based on the on the woman's perspective. But
this is not being a discriminate. This is not this hadith is not
discriminating against women. Just the fact that a boxer has made
this statement, he's talking to men, hey, what do you guys get
married for this is what you generally get married for. This is
what you look for the wealth. What it means by wealth, generally, is
that and I don't like this idea at all. You're getting married to a
woman with a lot of wealth. Why? So that you can use her wealth?
Right? She's got a nice house. So you can live in that house, she
drives nice cars. She's a CEO of a company or something like that.
She's got a major inheritance. So mashallah, you're gonna go on
holidays with her and stuff like that she's gonna pay for you.
She's got a nice platinum American Express, you know, so that's why
you're getting married. I said, I don't think most of us have that
issue. Right? I don't think that most of us have the issue. And I
could be wrong. But sometimes the parents look at this issue. It's
not, it's not wrong to look at it completely. Unless you only look
at that issue.
It's completely fine. Parents look at this issue, what kind of, you
know, what kind of family are they from?
Another reason might be I don't have to spend on it, because
you're very selfish.
Believe me, there are people like that. They've marked out how they
spending their money. And when they get their wife, they want
them to contribute. That is just so unmanly.
I'm not joking, it is just so unmanly to do that if you get
married, without the ability to be able to spend on your spouse,
right, then you're not fit to get married. That is one of the
fundamental requires that she should come for free for the free,
right? Even if she's making more money than you, she can do what
she wants with that shingles sadaqa, she can give you some or
she doesn't have to, believe me, it's so unmanly to ask your wife
for money pouring and giving back to her. In extreme situations,
they say you have to pay half the rent. It's wrong.
I just like to mention a sticky point here, for those who are
married is that if you're if you're both working, we have cases
where both are working, they're pooling their money together,
they're buying stuff of the house, the house the stuff in the house
together, then you need to make sure from a safety perspective,
just in case one of you dies, because one of you will die first
and the other will die after or you both will die eventually, you
have to know what the percentage of share is because there will be
implications in your inheritance. So you have to know Okay, is it
straightforward 5050 partnership, regardless of what people are
putting in.
If it's like that, that's fine. So the washing machine 5050.
Not that you're going to go on and saying hey, this is 5050 all the
time and tell everybody bro, that everything is 5050. You don't have
to do that. But you just know. And it's in your wills so that when
one of you dies, how the inheritance gets split is clear.
Otherwise, there's a major problem. Or if there's a divorce
issue, then it also gets confusing. So you need to know in
joint situations like that, that if the husband is the one making
the money and the wife is not working, then it's assumed that
everything that husband is buying is there is his unless he's giving
something as a gift to the wife, then it's hers. So you have to
know the ownership.
Another one might be that another reason that I want to get married
to
a rich woman because my children will then inherit from her family
will inherit from them so my children will be well off. That
could be another reason. These are just possible reasons. We're not
saying whether they're good or bad reasons. We just think these are
possible reasons. Okay, family, right. When it comes to family,
it's not as big of a deal as much as it was in the time of the Arabs
before because they said they had strong tribal
affiliations and relationships. So you needed to be married to a
family that had a good name. Because then you had their
protection as well. They would come for you, meaning they would
they would they would support you, they would strengthen you. It was
a sense of honor, I'm married. And you, you will see that in the
Jahangir poetry, I'm married to a woman from such and such a tribe.
That was a sense of fucker. That was a sense of, of pride. Right?
So that was a big thing in those days. Well, there's other good
reasons for that. This one might not be the best reason that you
and I both I'm married to that tribe, you know, I'm married to
that woman, they don't give their girls to anybody. But I got one.
Right, first shot. You know, I proposed that I got it. 10 other
people had, you know, had applied and they didn't get it, and I got
it first round Hamdulillah. Right.
There, nurturing is going to be superior. If they're from a good
family with good Afula, good morals, good character, good
understanding, you'd expect that genetically they'd be, they would
be better off. There'll be there'll be better off in that
sense, that o'clock, and so on, that will go into your children.
So that's a good reason to look at this issue. So what we're going to
look at is a good family that have good character, the way they deal
with others, they're not those kinds of people who are going to
come and come after you with baseball bats if there's a
problem, but they're going to deal with it sitting down and you know,
and relaxed, you know, with Allah with character. That's what my dad
said, he goes, we don't want a family, we're gonna just come and
argue with you everyday, if there's something goes wrong,
you know, you want something that can talk to you. Things might go
wrong, just want somebody that you can talk to.
So, because there's this concept of elk, and it's all genetics at
the end of the day, and we what we're discovering, right, maybe
it's a vein that once a person had a child that was dark, skinned, he
was like, that's not my wife's child. That's not my child. He
says, No, it is, it's possible that above this, you know, there
was somebody who was dark, and that's why you've just got that we
understand that through genetics today anyway, right.
So has sub has a family lineage, in some aspects for us could
relate to just character and conduct behavior, which then
passes over to the children and it is better to be able to deal with
such a family. But if they're, if they're has sub, their family is
based on pomp and arrogance, then I feel sorry for you. Right,
because if you don't stand up to their level, you're going to
you're going to be looked down upon.
Number Number three, is the beauty I don't need to speak about beauty
beauty is beauty is beauty. You know, it's it's temporary, it's
temporal. It's only for a certain amount of time, tomorrow, anything
can happen. Subhanallah, you might see some if you're into beauty,
then tomorrow, you might see something more beautiful. And this
one is no longer beautiful anymore. That's what the problem
is.
Right? But again, what is the shared? What is the shared
characteristic between wealth, family and beauty?
That is not found in Dean.
It's temporal, it's temporary. It's only limited to this world,
none of that your your, your beauty, your family lineage, your
wealth is not going to go into the hereafter.
All of those have potential that you use it in the right way and
you earn rewards for the hereafter, but they intrinsically
can't go to the hereafter. So the first 1000 said, fun for me that
been when become a winner, a champion with the dean aspects. He
didn't say with only the Dean aspects, he said, but become a
champion with the DNS, which is the main aspect study, but yeah,
dark, which means May your hands be be soiled, which means May you
become a poor person, if you don't, if you don't take that into
consideration. He was just trying to emphasize how important that
is. Now, let's put this in perspective. When I was studying,
and I would I probably read this hadith so many times, it came in
Mischka to come in Buhari became in numerous ahaadeeth. So in my
mind, it was like, Okay, we're gonna get married to a religious
woman, I don't care about beauty. And some people actually
encouraged that, you know, just make sure you talk about the deal.
They don't put it in perspective. So I had, you know, I had formed
this opinion that I'm just going to get married to a Dini woman, I
don't care about, you know, her looks or anything like that.
Because intellectually, you can convince yourself, right, because
we're human beings, we can intellectually convince ourselves.
There was a guy in my class, there were two people in my class that
were married. Right, while we were studying, there were two people in
my class that were married.
One of them was a really sincere, genuine, very quiet kind of man,
not an outgoing kind of person. Right. One day, he heard me
saying, you know, we should just focus on the dean. I was like,
going on about it. He took me to the side. He says, you know, let
me tell you something. Right. He said, You know, you're talking
about being the Indian, which is a good thing. But don't overlook the
beauty aspects.
The attractiveness aspects. Why? Because when you go out, when
you're going to go outside, you're going to see all forms of
attraction, fake, good, sincere, bad, fake imitation artificial
shaytani, you're going to see all forms of attraction outside,
right? When you come home, and it's not there, how long is your
results going to last? You're going to feel like you don't have
what you've just seen.
Right? So he was talking about it from the context of where we live.
So how Allah the way we live, you can't even look down and be
protected.
Right? One of my friends, he went to Germany in Austria. And he
said, it's even worse than England. He said, we were in
Germany for a month, and we would sit in the tube, you can't look
up.
You can't even look down, because
so he goes, this is how we spent because in Jamaat, you want to be
really present, you want to get something out of it. He says, the
way we used to sit was like this
with a newspaper in front of us every day, even in the newspaper
to find the right page.
Just being honest, seriously, and this person's not see her it did
strike me at that time. So my then do is change that Allah gives me
both. Give me everything. That's why if you have been successful
with the deen and you've also got a good family, maybe some wealth
as well with it, and beauty, then you are the luckiest person in the
world.
So we're not trying to say that these things need to be
discredited and overlooked. But make sure you don't look at them
only. And get the most stunning woman who doesn't have good Dean,
or get the most stunning husband. That doesn't have been because
this applies the other way around as well.
But believe me make dua if you're not married, make dua that Allah
subhanaw taala gives you all four because he has the ability to do
that. Don't underestimate Allah, and if you are already married,
and you can't do this again, right, which is generally the
case, make dua to Allah subhanho wa Taala that Allah gives you the
benefits of one of these four, and he can even do that. So don't feel
bad about it if you don't have all four. But believe me, if you ask
Allah subhanaw taala I have to thank Allah subhanaw taala I don't
want to make this too personal, but that person's in that person's
advice was.on spot on in terms of where we live,
and it's only getting worse. The dunya is only getting worse in
that regard.