Abdur Rahman ibn Yusuf Mangera – What Makes a Bribe Different to a Gift Etiquette of Offering and Receiving Gifts
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hamdu Lillahi Rabbil Alameen wa salatu salam ala CD mursaleen are
the early he or Sophie edge marine remebered
The next section is the adab of giving a gift, taking gifts giving
gifts.
One thing about a gift is that a gift is to gladden somebody's
hearts create a bond and love and affection between you. That's why
the Prophet sallallahu sallam said to her do the hard to hobble,
which means give gifts to one another and create mutual love and
affection.
If you give somebody a gift, it says in the books of Fick that it
should be something they can use as it is, you cannot give somebody
a gift for which they have to purchase something additional.
Which means that if you have a gift of something that requires a
battery, then make sure you give batteries words.
Don't give something to somebody and then they have to buy a
battery for it. Because then you've added a burden to the gift.
Number two, once I was in Pakistan, and one of the big
movies there, Mufti Rashid leandri
Rahim Allah has passed away now is known to be very particular very
strict.
My uncle who is a student of his sent a box of a lot of dates from
Arabia from Medina went to work with two other brothers that came
along with me to Pakistan. After Hajj, we went to
these boxes, this box of dates was for the chef and to others in that
place. So it was a box to be shared by those three individuals
as an idea as a gift. So in that night's lecture, the Sheikh said,
such a great gift came of pure Medina and dates wrote up juicy
Ruta from a Mufti to another Mufti.
People who have love for each other, such beautiful dates were
sent, but they haven't.
What happened,
why they haven't fought, we can't eat them, they haram.
So then he explains, when you give a gift to somebody, there should
be no burden whatsoever. The point here was
the gift of one box of dates, a large box of dates to be shared
between three people who's going to share it.
There's a burden involved here, it seems minor. But this could cause
problems in some cases. So the Sharia does not want to cause
problems.
That's why, you know, generally you go to some place, and you want
to get something done, whether that be your watch fixed.
Your watch fixed something in your car done, fixed or something,
always get the price verse many countries you go to you sit in a
taxi. Now one is if they've got a meter understandable, there is a
point of reference, a point of fairness between you, as long as
the meter is working properly.
But you know, in those cases where they don't have a meter, and you
just jump in, and then they can charge you whatever they want at
the end of it.
That's totally wrong in Islam, that's Ijarah about it, it's each
other faster, right? Where you don't negotiate a price, we don't
fix the price. So always when you go to the spaces, fix a price, fix
a price
from beforehand, or the morning, just give me whatever, I'll fix
something for you know, can you please tell me today nicely, you
know, please, I need to know the price because this is the Islamic
way of doing something or give me whatever you want them. And then
basically, they will pressure you to give you more than you would
give otherwise, you understand, these are all gimmicks, this is
wrong. It's not Islamic to do that. Because Islam, it says
anything that will lead to a dispute possibly makes that
transaction
makes that transaction corrupted. So likewise, giving somebody an
idea, where they've got a burden of splitting it up is burdensome.
So he wanted to prove a point this masala ruling is not known very
well. So he wanted to prove a point. That's why he made such a
big deal out of it. And he made it the point of discussion that day.
And in the end, it was simple.
The sender, he just made one of the individuals there who took one
of my companions who would he made him an agent on his behalf to
split them up in between themselves. Each person was given
their part.
So that's fine. But these things need to be known that if you give
somebody something they should not be any burden. So
ciated with it.
He says, if you wish to make a request to a person for something,
then do not make any giftable.
If you want to make a respect
request to someone for something that they want to do for you, can
you please get me into this place? Get me membership here, speak to
so and so. But before that you give them a gift, don't give them
a gift before you're going to make that request.
Why the one to whom the gift is made under such circumstances is
either put to disgrace or is indirectly compelled to comply
with the request of the person who presented the gift. Such a gift
will be in fact, a bribe, in a sense. So avoid that. What about
if it's expected,
in some countries,
when taking a gift along the journey to present to somebody do
not take so much as to create difficulty for you along the
journey.
This is a big problem. I think it's a bit better now. And people
generally from the first generation who came who moved
here, from the you know, from India or other countries, when
they would go back, they have to take suitcases of various
different gifts. And that is more burdensome. There's one brother,
who told me, I said, Have you been to India in a while he says, I
want to go. But I'm gonna, it's gonna have to be last minute. I
said, why?
He said, Because if I tell my wife now that we're going to go to
India in three months, or the tickets are booked for four months
away, we will be shopping every week.
For it, I have to give this person and that person, that person, that
person will be shopping every week for it. If I bring it at the last
minute, then we'll get whatever we can in the last few days. And you
know, that becomes a big burden, actually. What do you take
somebody, especially if you're concerned about what to take
people want to it's a big burden sometimes.
Immediately after accepting a gift, it is not proper to give it
in charity, in the presence, that sometimes you receive a gift, and
you give it away in charity straight away in front of the
person, very disrespectful.
It's like you've shown no value for this
contributed in the absence of the PERT if you don't like and you're
not going to use it graciously accepted, then after I give it
away afterwards, you have the right to do that afterwards.
Rather than wasted in sitting around.
The motive, this is very important, the motive for giving
gifts should be only love and affection.
Not the fulfillment of one's needs or request.
Therefore, if you have a need to present to the person do not make
a gift to him at the same time. You can do it afterwards. It's
fine. They've done their job for you. Or they haven't They've said
no yes, you give them a gift afterwards, that's fine.
It will then appear as if the gift was motivated by the ulterior
motive. The actual purpose of making a gift is to strengthen the
bond of affection. Therefore such ways which inconvenience the one
for whom the gift is intended should not be adopted, which we
already described at the beginning.
The other thing is make the gift in privacy, not in public.
Don't make a big deal out of the gift. Otherwise, it seems like
you're just showing off.
The modern era, the person to Him whom the gift was given is
entitled to make public the gift.
So if I receive a gift and I've got the right to say mashallah I
received the gift. But the giver is a private affair between you
don't make that public.
If the gift is in kind, meaning not cash, then endeavor to
ascertain the likes and preference of the manga in a
which is try to get a gift that you think the person is going to
like and use. What's the point of giving them a gift that they're
going to give to somebody else and they're not going to use what's
the point of it. This is where I find the most difficulty
to fuss over what I think somebody likes. That's why if I want to
give somebody a perfume, and they're in my house, I will open
up a few and say, try this. You like the show? Oh, I like this
one. Okay, that's your gift for you.
Because a lot of time I've been given gifts of especially perfume
people have bought expensive perfumes. I can't use them. i It's
not my style.
Literally I've got maybe 100 pound perfume sitting allowance that I
don't use. And somebody has gone to such an effort to buy it from
me.
But I don't like it. It can't help it all the time. I mean, it's
difficult to ascertain.
You know, you're going to send an investigator find out what he
likes or something you know, it's difficult
But then sometimes there are products which are neutral in a
sense that they work all the time.
The amount of the gift should be not so much that not so much that
it constituted difficulty for the person you're giving it to.
To accept, it's embarrassing.
You know, you bring
five different bags of stuff, if you just, you know, a gift, it
needs to be of a certain amount.
It needs to show the affection, love and thought that has gone in
it. Not that you just buy loads and loads of things and you give
it to the person. Sometimes it's embarrassing the amount to I think
I'm poor, I don't have anything now. That's why they brought all
of the shopping for example, you know, things like this, yeah, one
has to be careful.
It does not matter how less of little value that gift may be
people of piety.
I mean, he in this case is speaking about giving to a
personal piety. People of piety in general are not concerned with the
amount of quality of the gift, they look at the sincerity of the
one who makes the gift. That's very true.
Because they look beyond the gift, they're looking at the love that
is coming through the affection, the thought that's coming through,
they're looking at a different level, they're looking at the gift
what I'm going to do with this.
It is for some reason, if for some reason, acceptance of the gift is
refused and respectfully request the reason for the refusal.
Because that can only be a big reason why they're not somebody's
not gonna accept your gift. So politely ask, you know, is there a
reason so that for the future, bear this in mind, but do not
insist to obtain the reason at the time if they don't want to tell
you.
That means it's an issue.
If the gift is refused, because of a misunderstanding, created by a
baseless supposition, or misinformation, which reached that
person, then, of course, it's best to clarify and clear the air
between you
do not make a gift to anyone as long as he is not convinced of
your sincerity. If you think somebody is not going to treat
your gift well because of something or the other because of
something some hypocrisy or something like that, then there's
no point in giving the gift.
Do not make gifts in such a way that taking delivery of it becomes
difficult and onerous on the person. Because they're strings
attached.
A gift tended with the motive to obtain some benefits is bribery.
It's not ideal.
Yeah, he makes a good distinction here. He says if you give
something with the intention of creating a bond, love affection
between you, that's ideal, if you give it with the primary purpose
of receiving a reward, that sadaqa
that's not ideal. And if you give it for the primary purpose of
getting some benefit from that person, then that is ritual
bribery. So intention, the same gift is being given I want to
reward in the hereafter for this that sadaqa
Now you might think giving her do you get a reward? Yes, but that's
the secondary point. The first point is the love to create love
and bond and friendship.
Some people labor under the impression that when going to
visit a
pious individual it's necessary to present a gift to them this is
incorrect. To make it a rule to present him with a gift whenever
one visits him is harmful to all parties involved creates an it
creates an undue burden he makes it that the person will start
expecting it it spoil it it's just lots of problems in the if your
heart soul feels moved to give somebody a gift then do so
otherwise it's not necessary. So wherever there is a tradition of
giving gifts, the problem is you know in our weddings and any of
these functions you have to give a gift
because so how about some people actually make a list of what
people what they received and they write down the amounts as well so
that they have to reciprocate in kind. I think that's really messed
up
I remember one family telling me that they made a list they have to
make indefinitely or whatever they make a list of everybody who gave
because you know you they get envelopes. Nowadays there's no box
gifts allowed. So everybody gets an envelope and is 2510 150
Whatever this list is made so that when that family will invite you
have to give the same amount that
I don't know
you know I?
It's weird. It's kind of tradition that of course you know, you don't
want to be stingy and just give five pounds to people at the end
of the day. But at the same time you don't want to just give back
what they got. Then what is that like by loaning money and alone
you're back when you get it done?
Think so what isn't it
accept gifts from such persons who do not expect anything in return.
Otherwise it will lead to ill feeling ultimately.
So if you think that there's somebody who's going to give you a
gift, but expect something and he's going to expect something in
return, then you'd rather not accept it, take it because you may
not be able to give back anytime soon. And there is going to be
expectation.
However, the one who has accepted the gift should endeavor to
reciprocate. So if you do receive a gift, you should try to give
something in return. It's only nice to do that. There's one
teacher of mine. Anytime you give him something, he's always got
something in his pocket to give you. Whether that be a bottle of
perfume, or whether that be a small Kitab pheromones, I gave him
something he pulls out a Kitab a small delusory picnic me that. So
I don't know. You know, there's some people who are like that as
well.
Always be gracious when you receive a gift. I remember when I
gave.
Professor Ron De Rahim Allah is passed away, I gave him a gift of
a pen. And he's just like a lot here may still be St mamalahoa,
which means I will start using it. And it feels nice when you know
that somebody is going to use what you've given them. And I gave him
a pen. And he says, Yeah, I will bring this into use. So that feels
nice that somebody is using what you have.
If you're not have means to give anything in return, then at least
praise the person.
Give them a dua express your gratitude, make them feel good,
mentioned his favor in the presence of others if you wish,
expressing gratitude by saying May Allah reward your goodness will
suffice. says that whoever says Jazak Allah Hi Ron, may Allah
reward you with good, then he has exaggerated in his praise. That's
a huge reward. Huge reward Allah reward you. As long as you say
that, with the full meaning Allah reward you.
One who does not express gratitude to a person who did a favor does
not express gratitude to even Allah subhanaw taala.
It is improper to obliterate to forget about a gift which one has
received. This displays lack of attention, appreciation.
Similarly, it is improper to advertise the pride the great
value of abundance of gifts received, I received this I
receive that.
Some people, what they do is they leave you know if you receive a
gift that's from like a high end store, Gucci or something like
that, leave the bags around the house, you know Harrodsburg or a
Gucci bag.
It is not permissible to accept gifts from mentally deranged
people. Because you don't know what state they're giving you.
They may be giving you their life saving and they'll regret it
tomorrow. So it's not allowed, because you don't know what state
they're giving it to you. And it's also not permissible to accept
gifts from minor children who are not Bernard, because
they
they don't have the right to give unless their parents are fine with
it because it depends on whose property they are giving them.
A gift should not be refused because of its slight value or
small quantity, never demean a gift.
Think of the thought behind it. A gift should not be refused on
account of pride or arrogance. Are you kidding me this you know that
kind of an attitude. If one detects that a gift is not
presented because of sincerity, but is motivated by some ulterior
motive, then such a gift should be refused? Of course, be careful
about that. But sometimes you can tell it's not about negatively
judging somebody but sometimes you know that this person is known to
take favors of people and this is how they do it. For example, you
know, you could be it could be known like that. When somebody
came to shake Unison gave him a gift. He refused to take it
refused and it was like take it this is refused. A few days later
they found out this person's wealth was haram.
They discovered that this person's worth was haram he was involved in
some wrong thing. For some reason he wanted to give some money to
the sheikh. But the sheikh refused is Allah protecting him?
It is permissible to refuse a gift if one detects that the gift is
made or on or account of one's need.
Of pub. Yes, yes, yes. It is permissible to refuse a gift if
one detects that the gift is being made based on one's need or
poverty.
That somebody is not giving you a gift for love and they're giving
you a gift as a sadhaka innocence. So it's up to you. It's of course
allowed to take that as sadaqa but sometimes you don't want to take
southern
Right, and it's allowed to give zakat even as a gift to people
just to lessen the burden of what you know of having somebody say
zakat, but this is from a person's own personal self dignity, dignity
and honor.
Yes, gifts should not be presented in the form of a handshake.
Although this is for you, you know, sometimes you go somewhere
to give a talk or something and people want to give you a gift,
and they try to do it subtly. I mean, if you're giving a gift,
give it honorably. Why do you have to kind of slip it? You know,
somebody come this is a gift for you. Make them Asafa This is a
gift for you. That's right, take it
yes, when sending a gift with somebody else
ensure that the person whom you're sending the gift with is reliable.
So then you don't need to ask for a receipt afterwards meaning an
acknowledgement
because sometimes you may send somebody it doesn't get to the
person
and you don't know and you think it has and then you mention it
later on as a gift are you talking about
and to be honest, to ask for a confirmation from someone that
they have received the gift is a bit of a burden though it's only
reasonable for the person receiving the gift to say Jazak
Allah so as to acknowledge that
when a gift is made the price of the item should not be asked if
you receive a gift Brother How much should you get this for
similar the other person who happened to be present when the
gift is being made should also not query the price yes they can maybe
take outside privately can say you know I like really like that I'd
like to buy one as want you know a different story and not in front
of everybody because then that just creates an embarrassment
May Allah subhanaw taala refine our understanding of these things
alone and to sit down willing to sit down to volunteer they should
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