Abdur Rahman ibn Yusuf Mangera – The Great Masjid Bake Off Preventing Domestic Abuse
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I love all I love
Allah, Allah. The Love
Me are salatu salam ala. So you didn't muscley will he be on
Oracle Salam at the Sleeman? Kefir on Eli Ahmed Deen, Amma Bard.
The first thing I'd like to mention, I think I don't think
anybody has been speaking about the creativity here. And I think
it's very important to acknowledge this creativity, Allah subhanho wa
taala. The Prophet salallahu Alaihe Salam says about Allah in
Allah Hi Jamila, where you humble Jamal? Allah subhanho wa Taala is
beautiful Allah is elegant, and Allah loves elegance. And I think
the Muslim ummah, when it was the prosperous period of the Muslim
ummah, throughout the generations, from the time of the Sahaba, and
thereafter, the Muslim ummah has been considered to be one of the
highest civilizations in terms of art. The Muslims have been
considered to be one of the most artful civilizations, because we
had the prohibition of drawing faces, drawing, animate pictures
that really helped to spur the creativity in terms of
calligraphy. So the Muslim ummah has been in terms of Arabic,
Persian, etc, calligraphers. In terms of calligraphy, we've been
one of the best calligraphies that are found, you know, throughout
history, so calligraphy, architecture, and poetry was
another one. So there's just some amazing art that you know, that
the Muslims have been dealing with. Art in this world is
essentially a reflection of Allah subhanho wa Taala is beauty. One
of the names of Allah subhanaw taala, Allah is Jamil Allah is
elegant, and Allah subhanho wa Taala loves beauty. And I think in
this regard, you can see that the Muslim ummah has great creativity
among them. Unfortunately, the many of the great Muslim artists,
great Muslim, architects, engineers, and other professionals
of the Muslim world, like from Egypt, from Pakistan, all these
places, they're all sitting in the West. So when they do contribute,
their contribution is not seen because they're not doing it, for
example, for a Muslim country, Egypt, Palestine. I mean, there
are so many Palestinian doctors, for example, sitting in the US,
right, the CS robot tower, which for a very long time was one of
the tallest buildings in the world was what was designed by a Muslim,
a Bangladeshi engineer, architects, there is the the
massive Bay Bridge, which is in Northern California, that's again,
a Muslim behind that you've got numerous things that Muslims have
done throughout the world. The main point is that a person should
recognize even the artist unfortunately, sometimes they get
lost in the art itself. And they don't realize that this is a God
given a god is a gift from Allah subhanho wa taala. Right, all of
this is to do with Allah subhanho wa taala, that he's inspired a
person to do that. And it should, it should help us to recognize the
beauty of Allah subhanaw taala Allah has created beauty in this
world. And that is the beauty that Allah subhanahu wa taala has
placed into the hearts of the people so that they can also
produce this kind of beauty in the work that they do. So Hamdulillah
I mean, judging from the cakes that you've seen, that we've
judged, that we've looked at, and Subhanallah amazing, amazing and
may Allah subhanho wa Taala allow this creativity to translate into
creativity in the form of data in the form of personal worship, in
the form of personal enhancement, and inshallah creative ways to get
into inshallah genital for those, I think that is the most important
thing because the beauty of this world is only a reflection of the
beauty of Allah subhanho wa Taala as per this world, but it should
give us a recognition of what gender will really be like, what
the minimum mention is that this world has been created by Allah
subhanho wa taala, many, many million years ago, and it's never
been updated. I mean, this world has never been updated in the
sense that Allah subhanaw taala didn't after 10 years, 15 years,
100 years 200 say okay, now I'm going to give this an uplift. I'm
going to give this an enhancement, you know, the world now is not
well 2.0 or 3.0. You know, it's the world that as it was Jana, on
the other hand, Allah subhanaw taala is embellishing day in and
day out. According some aroma Jana paradise is embellished every
single day, which means that that is why today when you see
something really beautiful, you look at it, it really mesmerizes
you, it really lifts your spirits, it really makes you feel good. You
get a lot of enjoyment. That way, if you've seen it for a you know,
for for a while, eventually it gets old, it gets worn it gets.
It's no longer inspiring anymore, you need something new. That's the
nature of this world. The nature of Paradise is that a person will
be looking at their spouse, a person will be looking at their
spouse, and the next time they turn and they look again, they
will be even more beautiful than the first time and if this happens
100 times the 100th time will be even beautiful than the nine
denying time and this will be ongoing. Paradise is infinite.
Jana is infinite, Jana is forever literally is eternal. And
likewise, the beauty in there is also eternal. Now if you think
that how can there be something more beautiful than beautiful?
Allah subhanaw taala has this ability, if he has the ability to
allow us to live forever in sha Allah and genital for those than
the beauty that he will give us there. And the Hadith mentions
that he personally will go on Friday when he will, when he will
see Allah subhanaw taala you will come back, and his wives will say
you're even more beautiful now Subhanallah that is why you will
be extremely content, the spouses will be contented. However, this
leads goodness in the world, a good understanding loving
relationship in the world. I think I've mentioned this many times at
the masjid as well, that the two people that will be together in a
paradise, just by default will be husband and wife. Right? You're
not going to be with your father in paradise, you're not going to
be with your daughter in paradise, you're not going to be with your
mother or sister in paradise. Of course you can visit each other,
if everybody's in paradise, but you're going to be living with
your wife with your husband, you're going to be living with
your spouse in paradise. Now how do you get to Paradise if you act
good in this world and encourage each other towards good and you
treat each other? Well, that that is how you will get to Paradise
together and you will be in paradise together. So hello. Now
in in that regard, I just want to mention a few a few things. First
and foremost, just back to the cakes on the judging, just some
encouragement. Most of the cakes, I mean, outside they look
beautiful inside. Some of them were a bit different than others
but generally it's the kind of same kind of cake, right, just
different colors. Right? I would just suggest that just purely from
an amateur's perspective, right an ambitious perspective, you need to
be more creative on the inside as well than just on the outside
cakes need to have a bit more I was in Norway, we were in Norway
with my family just some time ago, and the cakes that I tasted there,
they were different inside, you know, they were mixed with
something different. They had nuts and things like that. Inside here.
It's just a totally you know, most of them have just been the general
sponge, maybe with a bit of you know, with a bit of flavor or
something like that. I think just purely from that perspective, you
need to get a bit more creative, I think inside and it's because it's
not just about the outside, because at the end of the day
you're gonna be eating this thing. You don't want to get sick off the
one.
You don't want to get sick after you know 111
You know one bite of it because it's too sweet too. It's the
normal once you bite inside. Anyway, that's just a side point.
What I want to mention Allah subhanaw taala says in the Quran,
he talks about the husband and wife relationship in the Quran a
number of ways. It says one is he says, who Allah the Jana Lacan
when it in Hala Telecom in unfussy comm as well as later school in a
year with your Anabaena Kumala that Anwar Rama so Allah subhanaw
taala is saying that Allah subhanaw taala created from you,
your spouse, the most interesting thing is that Allah subhanaw taala
created how are they here salam from Adam Allah usernames rib, he
did not create them as two separate human creations from
soil. So how are they a salaam was not created from soil separately,
or the medicinal was created? First he was given life, then how
are any Salam her origin was extracted from the rib of Adam
Alayhis Salam and due to the fact that Omar mentioned what you're
under Boehner Kumar that Anwar Rama, Allah subhanaw taala has put
between you love and mercy. So that is the interaction that is
the relationship those are the ingredients of any happy marital
relationship, Mohammed and Rama mode that means love, and it's a
very special form of love is not just hope. It's my word. My word
there is even a more intense form of love than just hope and Habib,
but what the right so he's created love between you. And he's created
Rama that you need to treat each other with mercy, which means
overlook, pardon? Ignore. It's about the focus on the good points
rather than the bad points over time, because we're all human
beings. And we need to just learn how to negotiate the bad points
and try to make do be positive as opposed to being negative. From
what I've seen with all my counseling. This is what happens.
This is what the big problem is, you'll notice one negative thing
and it makes it such a big deal because you're expecting
perfection. This world is not the world of perfection, right?
Anybody who claims that this perfection in this world is, you
know, any company anybody that's wrong, and unfortunately, the
media myths media misleads us. They tell everything that's that's
wrong, we really need to focus on the fact that this is a flawed
world, in the sense that there's defects in it, and everybody,
including us are defective. And just as we notice defects in
others, they will notice it in us and we need to be able to look at
the positives because everybody has positives and negatives, and
the profit and loss. Some said if you dislike something about your
eye, then focus on the good or you should not you should not be
hating her for that reason. Therefore, Mina, a believing man
should not start to hate and have this enmity towards a believing
woman just because of something bad he sees focus on the good. So
that's the first point
Number two, there's a hadith that's related about from, it's in
Hadith and Muslim. There's a famous hobby, whose hadith is very
popular. She Her name was 14, I've been to case she was divorced by
her husband, her husband was Abu Ammar Ibn halfs. He divorced her.
And then after there was this whole discussion about where she
should do, where she should sit for three months, and you know,
the period that she has to sit for, anyway, that's a long story.
But at the end of it, look at the beauty of this, this was the
beauty of the time of the saga, somebody was divorced, because,
okay, something went wrong. Right? Immediately, there'd be somebody
proposing to her. Immediately, there'll be something somebody
proposing to her. And that's why what you have in the Quran is
Allah subhanaw taala to actually reveal that you're not allowed to
propose to someone when they're still in the Edit when they're
waiting period. That tells us that there was so much proposals going
on the media, somebody's divorced, somebody is ready to marry them.
We have a major problem today. We have women and I know of women
even in this area, right? And I'm sure you know about this as well.
They are depressed, because there is such a stigma attached to
divorce, being divorced, especially for the women for the
mandatory, they just go marry somebody else. If no one else I
got somebody from India, Pakistan, Bangladesh, you know, Morocco,
wherever it is. But with women, he gets really bad. They don't know
how to deal with it. We don't have enough counselors to deal with
these situations. And eventually it is become crazy. It's really so
we need to do a lot more for these women. In fact, we need to
encourage marriage with with divorces. I mean, I have my I have
my own ideas of others, but I'm sure most of the women
unfortunately, because of the context we live in, won't agree
with most of them. Right? But there are ways in Islam that I've
dealt with this and in the time of the Sahaba rasool Allah Salah some
time, they were multi, you know, you know, people were men were
looking after more than one woman, essentially under Nika, right. I
know that most of you are not going to be happy with this. But
one of the big problems that we have is this fact because there's
just so much stigma. So number one, we need to remove the stigma
from divorces. Right? We need to remove that stigma. We need to
encourage people to read because there are divorced men as well.
They shouldn't. They shouldn't have to go and marry another
version. They can marry a divorcee as well. Right? We need to
encourage that because divorced women emotionally, a lot of them
break down unfortunately. And that is really the sad case that we
have. Now, back to faulty map into case or the Allahu anha story. As
soon as she was out of her era. She had three proposals.
She's just divorced. She has three proposals. And she went to ask
Rasul Allah salAllahu Alaihe Salam about the three proposal like
which one should I take? Right? Just imagine that right so these
three proposals Who should I take? So she says, more? Are we ready?
Hola, Juan de later Hadith. Maria ignobly. Sophia, here was one who
proposed to her right number two Abuja him. That was another one,
and the third one was Osama Abu Zaid, but the Allah one right the
Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam slave Zaida the alarm son,
right we loved him that's what Allah Salah son loved him. So she
came to us with Lhasa Lhasa and said, Okay, which one of them
should I marry? I've got proposals from all of them. So the Prophet
said Allah some said a mum or ARIA for certain Lucan Lama, Adela at
that time, Margaret, the Allah one who had no wealth. He was poor. He
said, he's poor, he's got no wealth. So you know, don't get
married to him. Right right now don't get married to him. Then he
said, as far as the Boojum is concerned, right. And this is
about domestic abuse. That's why I bring this hadith here about Jehan
fala yerba or saw him in RTP. He doesn't put his rod down from his
shoulder. Right. Some people have said that this means he travels a
lot. But I don't think the person is will be discouraging her for
that reason. There are two other versions of this narration in
Muslim as well, which says make it very clear for Julian Durabolin
Nyssa. He's a man who is just given to hitting women. He's a man
given to hitting women don't get married to him. How does most of
us know that he's probably had previous marriages where he's done
that and it's been reported to the both of us and that's why he
knows. That's why when he proposed to hurt us, I said, Don't get
married to him, because he he beats women up in another way says
men who should bet on Alan Lisa, you know, we know of some
harshness that he has over women, you know, you know, against women,
so don't get married to him. Right. So you can understand the
first Lawson is totally disapproving of this, is totally
disapproving of this.
So, what we need is we need really strong community support because
what's happened here is generally I've got a person I know very
well, right? He got married. Nice guy. You know, he's a nice guy is
everything. A scholar is everything. He came to me a few
months after marriage, he calls me up, you know what, I beat my wife
up. So he beat his wife up once or twice right in the beginning, but
you know, maybe after about six months of marriage or something,
and he was feeling really bad about it, but hamdulillah after
about a year or so, he says I have never touched her again. i My
thought was how did he
literally the first time around, I've never beaten up my wife, I've
never had to lay my hands on her at all. So I was very surprised.
Right? So, because he's from a similar background, as I am so,
but then I think what it is, is that we see sometimes our parents
have done this, our uncles, aunts, our grandparents, somebody in our
family has done it. And we think it's okay to do that. We either
learn it from our family, or we learned from a soap opera, or we
learn it from I don't know, an Indian movie, or whatever people
are watching these days, right? Unfortunately, this is the kind of
thing that how would you respond to something when learning this
kind of stuff from somewhere? Right. And I think everybody
before they get married, they need to take a marriage course, they
need to understand what Allah subhanaw taala and apostle awesome
has mentioned about marriage, how to live, it's important in
Malaysia to actually do this. You have to take a marriage course
before you can get a marriage license. Because the horror
stories that I have heard where you know, there's a little tussle
and then the husband just knocks the three divorce. And that's it a
sixer finished? And then they crying. I didn't really mean it.
I'm not religious. I didn't know well, how did you know about three
divorces to start with? Why can you give one why can you give 100?
Why three. So it's a big misunderstanding in our community
that three works. And only three works. No, Allah has given enough
power in one. If you really have to do it, do it properly, if you
have to do it with mutual consultation, and an agreement
between you the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, even after
you divorce for whatever reason, even after you've divorced, for
whatever reason, give a gift to your ex wife, just for Goodwill.
SubhanAllah. The other thing that our community does not understand,
and I didn't understand this myself, we make an effort to keep
the marriage together. Even though there are irreconcilable
differences. We go to extend like no, we think it's such a big
stigma such a big stick Jinx to get divorced, that we will try to
keep them together even if they hate each other. What you learn
from the hadith is that was not really the case, Imam Hatami. All
of these great had the Dean have mentioned that where there are
irreconcilable differences, you'd rather be divorced than to keep
them together and keep arguing and bickering and eventually leads to
domestic abuse and so on. But our community really, really needs to
wake up to that fact. And we need to we need to really, we need to
really have good family support. We can't be burying these things,
you know, burying these things under the carpet and so on. Right?
It's very important that we give support to these people. A lot of
the times these things the women cannot get out of it. Maulana
Tariq Jamil Saab, right? I'm sure many of you probably know him,
right? He's a big dairy. He says this is what he said. He says
about 80% of the problem is Lonnie one Jelani what a what a CV says
yes zulum Carthay. Learning huali Say, Jo Jo Anna Maria, bruschetta.
rasilla, Kabhi Kabhi Yatta. They can Jelani. Essentially, what he's
saying is that the in laws are the ones who are more oppressive than
the girl who's coming into the house. They want her to stay in a
particular way, they have to absolutely give her no
recognition. They want her to stay in the way they want without
giving any understanding that this is a human being that's coming
from a different background, we need to adjust to her as well.
She's giving a big sacrifice. Most of the oppression is done by the
inlaws. Not all but most of it according to even monetary theory.
And that's what he has seen. And whereas
the person, you know, the daughter in law, sometimes it's from home,
she's very arrogant person as well, or most of the time, it's
from the in law. So this is another thing that we need to deal
with. This is another big problem we have in our community. So may
Allah subhanaw taala give us Tofik in that regard, as well. So I
think that's really all that I want to say I just want to really
thank all of those people who've made this program a success. I
know that it was all about cakes, and I know and I feel really bad
when I look at all of these cakes behind me and you look at these
beautiful, these cakes here. Subhanallah Allah has given us a
great gift that we are in a stable place where we can wake up in the
morning, not to the sounds of you know, bombings taking place or
people getting killed. We don't hear about our relatives, you
know, dying day in day out. Unfortunately, this is going on in
many countries around the Muslim world. Right? And I when I look at
this and I think Subhanallah if we don't think Allah subhanaw taala
it could be honest tomorrow. I mean, seriously, it could be
honest tomorrow if we don't think Allah subhanaw taala we have to
thank Allah and we must remember our poor people, and we must
remember our mudroom. Allah subhanho wa Taala is with the
brokenhearted people. Right? That's what the Hadith said in
Mullah
in the Mocha Tsereteli lube, those whose hearts are broken, anybody
who's oppressed, their hearts are broken Allah subhanaw taala will
be with them but Allah has his own timetable. Right? We need to be
thankful to Allah subhanaw taala for has given us and we need to be
compassionate to those who have less than us, and we must, we must
do as much as we can to help them out. And I think Alhamdulillah
finally our communities have woken up to talk about domestic abuse,
which is a major problem and it's cultural you
It's not Islamic, it's not religious, it's cultural, we need
to deal with that culture, we need to make it more Islamic. And we
need to, we need to deal with that. One more final point.
Within Islamic law, what you can do is sometimes I've had these
cases where there's been a domestic abuse situation, and
they've got children. So now they, the husband keeps after they've
kind of the daughters, the wife's gone away, and the husband, he
feels bad. And then he says, Okay, I'm now reformed, and I'm not
going to, you know, do this again, and I'm, I'm sorted out and all
the rest of it. Now, the question is that sometimes it just recurse
because it becomes a habit.
What some people what you can do, right, what you can do, which
shouldn't be done all the time, unless there's a reason to do it
is that if there's a divorce, that's taken place, and then
there's a possibility of reconciliation, what you could do
in that reconciliation, when you have another Nika done to get back
together again, is you could actually put it in the contract,
you can enshrine it in the contract that if he's ever there
is any more domestic abuse, there's an automatic divorce.
Right, which means the woman will be then free, she won't have to
beg for a divorce, she won't have to go to court for a divorce and
be constrained. So you can actually put it within that, that
because women don't have the right for divorce directly, they have to
go through a court, but you can enshrine it into the contract that
the husband either gives her one option of divorce to divorce
herself. Right? If under this situation, or under domestic
abuse, or whatever, or give it to somebody else, or just make it
automatic, but consult a scholar, if that is a case control because
I remember our shake. When there was a case with somebody, he said,
Okay, fine. If you really want to get back together again, then this
needs to be a condition that okay, fine, you'll do any car again. But
if there is ever you strike her, she'll be automatically divorced
from you. So she'll be a free woman. Right? Because sometimes
you have to get you know, sometimes there may be an there
may be the chance that they have, you know, they may have corrected
themselves. So anyway, I don't want to take too much of your
time. Allah subhanho wa Taala give us the Tofik again, Jazak Allah
here for all the organizers, the planners, right, and all of the
judges, and all of the volunteers and everybody that you know that
that has taken part in this and may Allah subhanaw taala give us
the trophy to do to tackle the other issues that we have in our
community as well. May Allah subhanaw taala accept from all of
us. Well here with our annual hamdu Lillahi Rabbil Alameen