Abdur Rahman ibn Yusuf Mangera – Spiritual Upbringing of Children Getting it Right
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Bismillah Al Rahman Rahim
Al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil Alameen wa salatu salam ala negocio
Rahmatullah Alameen wa the early he was Safi or Baraka was seldom
at the Sleeman Kathira on Isla Yomi. Dean
Well, benna hablan I mean as far as you know whether RIA Tina
Kurata or even when you're dealing with Tokina, Ema
so the Cologne Aleem.
Allah subhanaw taala has a wisdom in creating the human being, and
creating them, within them a facility to reproduce
the whole act of the consummation of marriage, the whole act of the
consummation of marriage, and the husband and wife coming together
having this natural attraction to each other. And then that reaching
a climax and sense of fulfillment, that is out of the wisdom of Allah
subhanaw taala. That's from his wisdom. That's why Imam was early
Rahim Allah, he mentions that this interaction between the husband
and wife, the sexual interaction that they have, and the pleasure
that they feel, there are two benefits for that. The first
benefit is that it will help to increase the progeny, it will
help to continue the human race, it continues the human race. And
that's one of the one of the reasons for this. Number two. The
other benefit of this is that this is to give believers a taste of
what the pleasure in paradise could appear to be like, of
course, there's no comparison to the pleasures of paradise. But the
one pleasure that a person can receive in this world and
experience in this world that gives them an idea of what the
pleasures of paradise would be like just like a window just like
a whiff, just like a small percentage of experience, that is
through the interaction that is between a husband and wife. So
now, the whole purpose of this is to continue the human race and
when a person gets married, that would be the intention as well.
The intention is that Allah subhanaw taala make me a means to
have pious progeny. And grant me pious progeny. That's why the
famous dua in the Quran is Robina
Robina habla and I mean, as Vergina was the result in a Kurata
Aryan, which are anonimo tacchini. Mama, I find this to be extremely
powerful. I find it to be really, really potent, and really, really
profound. And I think we should make it all the time. Because what
it's saying is our Lord Robina Hublin. I mean, as well, Gina with
Rhea, Tina, give us from our spouses and the word use here as
well. It's actually general husband, wife, both are included
in that. So the both the man and the woman, they can both the
husband, the wife, they can both make this dua, they can make this
dua because it's, it's used in the, in the, in the plural. So our
Lord grant us, grant us gift us Habibollah gift us mean as well
Gina, from our spouses, and from our own Earth from our children,
those that are a source of gladdening gladdening of the eyes,
sort of coolness of the eyes. Obviously, anybody reading this
dua to Allah subhanaw taala is going to have a pious outlook
would want pious children. And that's why this die is going to be
of that nature as well. So that's the kind of children that you're
asking for. Because I mean, the question that arises here is that
if a person who wants their children to be to do something
wrong, and haram, and that is not Islamic, then you know, would they
be using this door? Well, I would doubt it because they probably
wouldn't have the Tofik to make this dua, Allah subhanaw taala
knows best.
And moving on from that now, the question here that I want to deal
with, or the issue that I want to deal with here is very simple. I
just want to go through the major milestones that are significant in
our journey, through this life, with a view of having children and
producing the best children that we can have, and then leaving this
world and inshallah hoping that our children will, we're leaving a
legacy behind where our children will pray for us. And we'll do
something that will be beneficial and a fourth source of southern
Nigeria, and a source of perpetual reward for all of us. So I just
want to mention the milestones. Each one of these stages, each one
of these milestones, each one of these salient features, and major
turning points and decision areas are things that you can actually
discuss each one in detail for such a long time, but we don't
have the time today. In the short time that we have, I just want to
discuss the major milestones. Now, when we're speaking about coming
to a to an age where we can start considering marriage we can
consider to become parents when we start thinking about that in our
mind.
whatever age that may be, you know, some people can start
thinking about this, when they're 16 years of age 17 years of age,
they start realizing that, you know, I'm maturing now. I'm
getting older. I'm going to be old enough now to to marry, I'm going
to have children, what should I be thinking about? This is a mature
way to think so we need to be thinking about this from before
that when this happens, then what am I going to do? How successful
am I going to be? And how good am I going to be at it. So that's why
because this is one of the most the biggest things we'll do our in
our life. I mean, they say Buying a house is one of the biggest
purchases you will make, but still at the end of the day, if you make
a mistake in that it can be rectified. But bringing children
into this world, you know, using ourselves to be to bring children
into the world as Allah subhanaw taala wants from us, then that is
something that is very difficult to reverse. It's not it's not
reversible, it's something it's a commitment that we're making. And
that's why it's very important to think about it and to, to to
really consider it well beforehand. So first and foremost,
we need to be making dollars every time that comes in our mind,
however old we are, you know that when Allah subhanho wa Taala gives
me
a spouse and when Allah subhanaw taala gives me children then they
need to be they need to be well and pious and may Allah subhanaw
taala Make me worthy of being a good parent, a good good husband,
a good wife, a good a good parents do us need to be there all the
time. Anytime this thought comes into our mind, you can read this
door of the Quran Robben Island I mean as Vergina was the reality
and Kurata you know Jana limbo, Tokina Imam you can read this to
our
what we then have to really think about is that the main ingredient,
to be a good spouse, and to be a good parent is character and the
dean. And that being the character comes from the Dean. So the dean
and the character need to come together, we need to be able to
instill in our relationship with our spouse and then with our
children after that, good Dean. A relationship full of Taqwa and
piety and righteousness, keeping Allah subhanaw taala. Above
everything of future thinking prudence, thinking of how we and
our children can go into Jannah, and be together as happy people in
Jannah with eternal bliss, that's the thing that we need to be
focused on right from the beginning. If that's our focus, if
that's our goal, and our ultimate ambition and our dream, then from
the time even before we're married, we will make the right
decisions because what we need to realize is that the the most
essential ingredient is piety, and good character, good conduct and
good behavior, because that is what's going to rub off on to the
other person and on to our children. That's where they're
going to learn from. So we need to start inculcate in character from
from a younger age. So that means we need to remove extreme anger,
if that's a problem that we have that we need to do something about
it. If it's greed, or just bad Tonga, speaking badly speaking,
Ill of people doing riba backbiting, just not looking at
things in a positive light, always having a bad opinion about things,
etc, etc. This is all bad for our relationship. It's also bad as a
you know, to provide as a role model for our children. So these
things need to be considered from beforehand. You can't just change
when you get married, you can't just change when you have
children, you will be swearing in front of your children, you will
be backbiting others in front of your children, you will be putting
other people down, it's not a nice thing to do. In fact, you may even
swear at your children when you get angry, right? There are people
who do that. You see them sometimes outside on the streets,
their children are refusing to listen to them, they're crying, or
they're insisting that they want something and they're swear at
their children SubhanAllah. So what does that give to the
children, then you see their children doing the same thing.
It's a very big responsibility. So this is all even before marriage
even then after that,
when you're about to get married, when you're looking to get
married, then you need to find the right spouse and for that the
Prophet salallahu Alaihe Salam said, although he said it to men,
about women, because probably men were in front of him, but of
course, he applies the other way around as well. It doesn't give
license for women to just get married to who they want. I mean,
it's an encouragement at the end of the day, the Prophet sallallahu
sallam said, Don't go to the urban that the woman is generally
married for four reasons. This is a cultural thing. This is what
society generally gets married for. These are four reasons that
people get married for one is for the family or for the family
lineage, right? Are they cultured people? Are they respectable
people? Are they dignified people? Because that's that there's a
benefit in that because when you have dignified people that you
know, if you're getting married into a dignified family, there'll
be better character you'd expect, right? Not pompous people, not
pompous people and just wealthy people that don't have any
character, but we're talking about people with a good Hasib NASA,
right? Which, of course, it can go both ways. That's number one,
number two for their wealth. Number three is for their beauty.
And number four is for the dean. And this of course, if a if a
woman is looking for a husband, these are four considerations that
they would have as well. There could be other considerations that
are offshoots of these four considerations, but the Prophet
sallallahu sallam said, make sure that you are successful with the
deen aspect, which means that if you have the other three as well,
it's very good. He's not saying that overlooked the other three.
He's not saying that neglect the
have a free. In fact, I would encourage that if you can find
somebody with the dean and part of the others as well, then that's
very good, that's the best thing that you can have. And if you do
have that, you should be thankful to Allah subhanaw taala. So that's
the, that's your Outlook. So you should be looking for something
like that. Make lots of dua make us the Hora make matura, etc.
Again, we could delve on each of these topics, each of these
particular instances for much longer, but we don't have the
time, just want to go through also that it just gives us something to
think about in a more universal kind of way. So once a person has
decided, and inshallah they found the right person that fits this
bill that has all of these qualities in sha Allah, then they
get married. Now, the thing about this is that when you get married,
then I would say that marriage, and this is what I what I feel is
that marriage is one thing that you need to try to follow every
sooner in. Because with anything else, if you make a slight
mistake, it's reversible, it's a possibility that, you know, you
give the product back or whatever the case is. But when you get
married, it's very difficult. And especially since I'm talking to
our sisters here, you know, for sisters, it's even more difficult
because sometimes I mean, the number of emails and number of
calls that I get of sisters who who say that, you know, she wants
to be you know, their marriage has broken down, but the husband is
refusing to divorce his wife, and he's literally just neither
accepting to be with her properly with good behavior. But neither is
he willing to let her go as Allah subhanaw taala tells them to do,
sir, the Hoonah, saraha, and Jamila, that, you know, let them
go nicely in a beautiful way if you can't deal with it. And if you
can't be together, there's no compatibility let them go. But
that doesn't happen. They just want to torment their wife and the
wife then come sort of twice I looked at why is not going to
work. In this case, you need a lot, you need a ruling. So you
need to go to a Sharia court, it's very difficult. So this is
something that we need to fulfill every sinner in as much as
possible and not do anything wrong. And then you can just read
the Bearcat and the blessings of it. That's why I've seen cases
where a husband and wife were a couple have just learned about
each other, they've done their due diligence, they know who each
other is, and you know, they've done the istikhara, etc. They
never had any, you know, like extended interaction or anything
of that nature. But because of following the Sunnah fully and
thoroughly. Within half an hour of their marriage, they were they
were together as though there's never been any ice between them.
They've known each other for 10 years and SubhanAllah. You know,
there's there was no, there was no issue about it. There was no issue
about it at all. So that is very important to think about. Now,
once a person does get married, again, I'm just glossing over many
of these areas. But once a person gets married, then there's the
first night which is very, very important. It's very important.
You need to follow every single possible there are certain doors
that are related, that the husband has to read as well. The wife
should also read our law, give us the best of my spouse and, you
know, make them the best and protect me from any evil that may
be there. You know, there's lots of these doors, there's two
records that you do, there's a gift that you give, it's a sunnah
to give a gift. On the first night, many people that give a
gift during the wedding. It's actually the Sunnah is to give a
gift. You know, there is not nothing wrong with giving a gift
in the wedding as well. But it's a similar to give a gift when, when
a couple meet for the first time. Now, when they do get together,
there needs to be a softness of approach and everything like that.
And then the Doha must be recited. You see shaytaan he comes at the
big moments to try to spoil everything he likes to he likes to
add a virus to the core of something so that when it actually
germinates and grows, the virus also grows with it. Right that
Satan wants to come and spoil the seed right from the beginning,
this, this communion that's going to happen this, this community,
this consumer conservation, this conservation that's going to take
place right now it's a very important consideration. You know,
Allah subhanho wa Taala may be providing, providing the offspring
from this meal if Allah subhanaw taala wills that is what's going
to happen. And that's why every precaution needs to be taken the
directions of Rasulullah sallallahu some need to be
fulfilled, and that is the dua should be recited because shaytan
is willing to be there. shaytaan wants to be there. He wants to be
part of the action so that he can spoil it adulterated and he can
cause a defect in there and cause a problem in there right from the
beginning. That's why Allahumma Jaya Nibbana shaytaan widgeon Nibi
shaytaan Amara zakenna Oh Allah, protect us, keep us away from the
shaytaan keep the shaytaan away from us, and keep him away from
what you will give us an bestow upon us Subhanallah that's what
the DUA is of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam so a
person should recite this dua. Both couples should recite this
guy should make a habit of doing so. Right? You should recite this
die. It's very important. That's why in many cultures This is
considered to be like a major swear that you say to somebody
that you are, you know, you're the children of the non Bismillah
Bismillah ki O Lord, right, which is a really bad swear it's like
saying to somebody that you're so bad right now they only do this to
say that you're so mean and so bad and you know, so
so mischievous, right now, because your parents did not read
Bismillah. That's a major slander major swear, right? Nobody knows
that. But this is I'm just trying to show you the consequences of
this sometimes as people perceive it. So what we need to understand
is that we need not to make a mistake in our spousal spousal
relationships, and make sure that this door is always recited
regardless of what situation we need to habituate ourselves to
reading this dua, it's very important to read it, if you
forget to read it beforehand, read it in the middle, it has to be
recited. That's why shaytan will then not be part of the process
and this will help insha Allah to have a have what they will call a
halal child Subhanallah right, we will have a good pristine pure
child Inshallah, that will be that will be away from the shaytaan and
his mischief.
Now, then,
once a mother becomes pregnant with her child with the embryo,
now, although the father has responsibility as well, but I
would probably say practically speaking, the mother has more of a
responsibility. And I want to just pay a bit more attention to that
this is a very crucial moment, you've done the act, ALLAH
SubhanA, WA Tada has caused the has caused the embryo to start
growing, he has given you this great value, this fruit of your
womb is there SubhanAllah. Now, you need to nurture it, you need
to nurture it, this is what Allah subhanaw taala has given you
responsibility for. So now, to nurture this, try to stay away
from every wrong and haram seeing and listening. And even thinking
as far as possible. Of course, any ideas that come in mind without us
actively seeking them out, we need to dispel them as much as
possible. But the point is that we need to really think about this.
This is very important. We know that the mother, they told the
dietician, you will be seeing a dietician who will tell you eat
these foods, because it's good for your health, when you are carrying
a baby you need they tell you you need to eat for two, that's what
actually say you need to eat for two, right? So drink lots of
water, Do this, do that, you know, do these things that will create
more blood within you take these tablets, you know, take iron
tablets, take folic acid, you know, because it's good for you,
you need to do this so that you know your body is healthy enough
to carry the baby the bodies sustain the baby is sustained
because you are the woman that the sister you know, she is going to
be feeding this child through the system that Allah subhanaw taala
has internally created for for this couple SubhanAllah. So now,
if we understand and we believe because of research, that the food
is being provided, the nourishment is being provided, in fact, many
other things. In fact, they have studies that show that if a woman
is anxious during her pregnancy, then that is going to cause an
anxious baby eventually. That's why you have to be you have to try
to avoid any kind of grief and sorrow and anxiety and try to be
happy and try to be you know, you know, to genuinely be happy and
just have high spirits and to be focused. So that's very important
during the bidding. So if biologically the food is being
provided, the sustenance is being provided, emotions are being
carried, emotions are being carried. So everything that we're
looking at is going to effect inside. Right, they don't
generally they don't generally do research of this nature, because
it just goes against the whole, you know, godless modernity
process of post modernity, you know, Outlook, but everything you
listen to, it's going to be that your child I mean, there are there
are there are stories we have of mothers who are reciting, or
memorizing the Quran with a child, you know, with with a baby, you
know, subhanAllah with an embryo when that child when a child then
begins to memorize the Quran, what was noticed was that the number of
edges that are parts of the Quran that the mother had worked on and
recited, while he was in his mother's womb were much more
easier for him well, much easier for him to learn and memorize,
then the other one Subhanallah so there is this effect of this. And
listening to Quran is extremely comforting. Listening to Quran is
extremely comforting. Sitting down to do vicar is extremely
important, that will calm you down Allah basically lie to my inner
globe, Allah basically Allah He talked to my inner Kulu bla it's
with the vicar of Allah remembrance of Allah that your
hearts will find contentment if you have anxiety sometimes in when
a woman becomes pregnant, because, you know, her resources are being
used for this new child. I mean, that's the way Allah subhanaw
taala is great, and you should be really happy that you're providing
the service because, you know, if a woman Subhanallah today we've
got women who unfortunately, think of things in a way of equality to
such a degree that they think men should also take responsibility
and bearing babies and you know, their efforts and the ways to be
able to do this to implant a womb into a man and Subhan Allah may
Allah subhanaw taala protectors. But the point here is that yes,
you have this responsibility, but look at it this other way. As much
as your effort is behind this baby from the time that you bear this
from in your womb.
boom to the time that you then suckle it, the you know, to your
breastfeed, you bring it up the sleepless nights, et cetera, et
cetera. Every good thing that this child is going to become
afterwards and will do, you get the reward for it. That's what I
believe that the mothers get the first reward I know today that the
rewards of anything that I'm doing May Allah subhanaw taala accept
anything that I am doing. First and foremost, I believe my mum and
then my father is getting because I my my father, obviously he was
the, the supplier, you know, the sustenance provider. He was the
helper he was a sister, but my mother, I know she was more with
us, you know, because my father had to work. May Allah subhanaw
taala isn't great amount for us. But I know my mother was there 24
hours with us Subhanallah you know, she was the one who gave
entire heart and so on selflessly, absolutely selflessly. I know
she's getting inshallah the most reward, even if I don't have any
class, Inshallah, she will get the reward for it, my father will get
the reward and then my teachers will get the reward. So that's
what a mother should think that this is a massive investment, if
that's the only investment that you make, and you do nothing else
in the world. Subhan Allah, I'm not trying to make be defeatist
here. But if that's the only investment you do, that you bring
up good children that are contributing to the society that
are close to Allah subhanaw taala and that are destined for Jana
Yojana is made as well, there's no doubt about that, there is
absolutely no doubt about that. I believe in that very strongly.
You've got a massive responsibility, you've got a
massive responsibility. And you know, subhanAllah this is just the
way that Allah subhanaw taala has made things I know a number of
women who mashallah are trying to help the dean and so on. But
eventually what happens is once they get a few children, it gets
very difficult until all children are grown up, then they can get
back and you know, be become more active is very difficult. You
know, men can be more and that's why in in history, you see that
there's generally been more older mom, male or a mother and female,
Allah Ma is not because females are deficient in terms of the in
terms of the ability to memorize or understand something, you know,
it's not necessarily because of that, they just don't have the
time they main function, one of the main purpose of Allah subhanaw
taala has created them for is for this reason, one of the main one,
I think it's the main it's one of these to get close to Allah
subhanaw taala and to produce the God fearing next generation, and
what anytime that a woman forgets that, then it's a problem. Men
should not take advantage of that situation by lumping everything on
the women you have to understand that but a woman when she does
this, she should do this with a good intention, then it will
become easier as well. And believe me the fruits of your labor will
be born in Jana, you will get the agenda because if you've if you
bear five children, three children, two children with great
luck and character, high morals high him and concern for the Dean
connection with Allah subhanaw taala which is going to be
implanted in you know, imparted from you. You've made it in Jana,
you've made in Jana. That's why one of the sheiks he said that,
you know, I have brothers who come to me and sisters who come to me,
and I see that the sisters actually get much further in their
spiritual state, just because of the hardships that they go through
with their children. Because life is about struggle, and Allah
subhanaw taala loves people who are brokenhearted who are
undergoing a struggle in a selfless manner. Right? That's
very important. Men generally don't do that. I'm not trying to
put men down. You know, I'm not trying to get men number of men
generally don't have they got many other things that they can do
outside. They can enjoy themselves a bit more than women are
sometimes stuck with this, right? But there's a reward for it,
there's a reward for it, and there's a massive reward for it.
And that's why when the sahabi asked the mother asked, asked the
Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, who do I have my
responsibility of obedience to He said your mother, and then he
asked again and he said your mother, he asked again and he said
your mother then when he asked the fourth time, he said your father,
right. So there is no doubt about the status of the father. But the
mother requires much more obedience because Jane the mother
is much softer and the processor is emphasizing that look, you need
to treat your mother kindly. Mother's on an amazing creation of
Allah subhana wa Tada and every woman can become one and only the
most miserable one will not become one Subhanallah but you've only
got your own self to blame, that if you become a miserable mother,
most mothers are mashallah this, Allah has given them the natural
instinct, you just need in order to spoil that you you have to be
really extreme to not be a good mother Subhanallah right. Allah
subhanaw taala make it easy. So once the child is being born, the
by the mother, and they're being affected by all of this are
relaxed in this situation, the husband should make it easy.
Unfortunately, we've got cases Subhanallah I really feel sorry
for these situations and I wish I could do more but you know, your
hands are tied. You've got cases where the woman is pregnant. She
is on six months, seven months, eight months, and she has been
made to do all the work in the house. The others don't lift a
finger they don't do anything and then on top they abuser
psychologically abused. This is bad. Grant the in laws are doing
this. The in laws and Don't they have any concern about their grip
grandchildren are going to be affected by this, they just think
that this child is going to come out in a vacuum vacuum and they're
going to look after this child afterwards, they're going to be
very pleased when they get the grandchild. But sometimes you got
some really twisted people who, even
because the child is their sons, but it's also this daughter in
law, who they've got hatred for. Now, for some reason, they hate
her child as well, they don't want anything to do with it. Those are
the really extreme ones. But in law should really be careful about
this situation, should really be careful about the situation.
Now, when the child is born, these are this is another matter. I
mean, I took a bit long during the pregnancy aspects. But when the
child is actually born, what do you do? First and foremost, these
are some practical tips that I've got some from some experience. So
like if you're in a hotel, if you're in a, and I'm talking about
both in the US and in the UK, because I've experienced both
sides of this. So what happens generally, is that they'll in
order to give birth, you will generally be closed off and
everything. Sometimes though, in that word, you've got music
playing, you know, the nurses have music playing, what I what I would
suggest, and this is actually what I did, I actually requested, can
you please put that off, then what I did was I took a recorder, a
player, a player,
I can't remember what it was, at that time, we didn't have the
iPhones and whatever. Right. So as soon as the baby was born, that's
what I had playing. So the first things that came into now the
first thing is that the child will generally the baby will generally
hear is the nurse saying, Oh, it's a boy, oh, it's a girl or
whatever, okay, we can understand that. Then what happens is you
need to do other NuCalm as soon as possible. Because the first words
that want to that, you know, that
should go into the ears and penetrate the ears should be done.
And the iqama because it's mentioned in a hadith that when
the baby is born, shaitan comes in, tries to attack you hear
shaytaan comes in, pinches, and pokes, right comes and pokes the
child, like you know, I've got you now, right so just wait for you to
grow up. And I'll show you what I can do. The child cries, right,
Jerry, the child cries to that fact. And we need to give it a van
as soon as possible. Because what you could actually even request
the nurses etc, that if you don't mind when the child is born, I
want you to be totally silent because we've got a ritual, even
you explain things nicely, not in some kind of draconian way, right
and the kind of obsessive way we explained things nicely. They're
there to help you out really the majority of them that to help your
why should they try to impose their rules, you're not breaking
any hospital rules or anything like so now, you should have
somebody at hand it's generally the woman you know who's going to
be in the ward now sometimes she doesn't have anybody that you
should try to have the husband or your father or sub your brother or
somebody. Right preferably to give a nod because you have a hadith
here that the Prophet salallahu alayhi wa sallam insulated from
it's it's related from Abu Rafik, that. In terms of the ANA Buddha,
he said, I saw Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam
calling the other man in the ear of Hassan ignore it. So his
daughter Fatima has son, his grandson has another Allahu anhu,
he called them when Fatima or the Allahu anha gave birth, he was
there at hand. So this is the father is there at hand. So
there's nothing wrong with the Father going and being there after
the child has, you know is about to be born. And then he goes in,
and then after that he gives a run. So that would be a sooner to
do for the father, the husband can be there as well. Now, I've seen
cases where people will call and say, you know, we don't have any
male folk to give the Athan, it doesn't matter. The first words
you want is to give that and if you do have a husband or brother
or father to give it or somebody else, you know, a pious, that's
good, it's fine. But if you don't, then you give the Athan yourself.
Generally the woman is really tired after labor, generally
speaking is very tight after labor, she should have some help
at hand. Right, she should have some help at hand.
I mean, the husband can be there. It's better for him not to be
witnessing the actual act, but he could be sitting by her facing her
head. So in the opposite direction, maybe holding a hand if
he wants to. But it's better to wait for women to be there. It's
just better for women to be there. Some men just get really grossed
out. And traditionally speaking men on weren't really there was
the women kind of thing. That's why one observation that some
somebody made was the women are there to bring the child the
softness, the you know, the compassion that they have the
mercy to bring the child into the world. It's the men that go and do
the janazah women don't take part in the janazah and the burial if
you notice, it's generally the men who do that. So the men gonna do
that kind of task in the easy task of bringing the child into the
world. It's the women that should be there. However, if there's no
women that can be there, the husband can be there. It's not how
long but I think you should just avoid looking at the whole
delivery process. Right because that's that's really intense. You
should be focusing, you know, on looking at the why just doing the
vicar
With her, you know, just reassuring her wiping, you know,
wiping ahead, you know, just whatever the case is. So
when the main thing is that as soon as the child is born, good
things need to start. Right, so the other one is called, so the
mother should call the other one if there's nobody available. So
it's the other than in the right ear, and a comma in the left here,
the only difference is that you're not going to shout the other now
in the right ear, like, you know, the way you would do on a on a
minaret, because that would be very loud, it just means you do
that a bit louder and slower, you know, more spaced out. And in the
economy, you add at karma disorder karma, this salah, which means,
you know, you add the as you're doing it karma, and that's
generally faster, that's all you do. And then after that, what the
hospital will generally do is they will just wipe all the fluids, all
the antibiotic fluids, as they call them, they'll just wipe them
off, and then wrap them up, and then I'll give you the baby, you
know, of course, they'll do that, and then you give the event, it
should then be given about as soon as possible. You know, generally
mothers are really tired out and whatever, maybe have some rest and
then go and do that. If there's somebody else there that can help
them they should, they should do that. So give give them a clean
them up a bit. And after that. There's some doors that you can
recite as well. There are some other doors that you can recite
when you have the child. I mean, you could have them written and
take them with you. Remember, all of this needs to be planned. It
can't be done ad hoc. I mean, it's a pregnancy at the end of the day,
you're not going to do things ad hoc, it's not going to just happen
all of a sudden. So have these things ready. Generally women have
the hospital bags ready from like a month in advance anyway, right?
Especially as the date goes closer, they have the bag ready, I
have to take this I have to take this, take a doctor with you take
you know these guidances you might forget to make a list of things,
you know, maybe even on your phone or something like that. I'm just
trying to give some practical practical tips. So one of the
doors is Allahumma inni or II do have bickert with reata Homina
shaytani R rajim. This is in the Quran. Right? This is about Maria
Maria has Salam This is about the CReality Salam sorry about the in
the time of the in the time of would you call it Maria Maria has
Salam. This is the dua Allah Khomeini Louisa beaker with reata
min ash shaytani R rajim. O Allah, I put her in your refuge and her
progeny. So look at the look at the look at the thought. It's not
just about this child, this child is going to go on to have other
children and you've got concern over everybody that's to come from
your loins until the day of judgment. So this is a very
comprehensive door. It's not just about this one child. It's a
Wallah. I give her in your refuge. And I give also her her progeny in
your refuge from the shaytaan from the shaytaan regime, the accursed
devil Subhanallah another one is Allah Who made this isn't Hadith
Allahu Allah or Allahu Allahu her is for women, for girls and who is
for men is for boys. Allahu Allah herberton taka yatton O Allah make
her
an obedient child both to Allah and her parents. And to Islam and
Ducky yet and righteous and with taqwa and what Ambit Halfhill
Islam in about an hacer una the wording used here is like an is
the word that you generally use for for bringing up a plant for
nurturing your plant Ambetter um but a humid means to grow. And to
grow something you need to water it you need to fertilize it you
need to look after it. And you need to really like take care of
it. So Oh Allah, I want you to grow her. Now Barton has an inner
beautiful manner, a beautiful growth Subhanallah and then
Allahumma I Lim Hello Kitab or Allah Allahu Alem Hello kita Oh
ALLAH teach him the book, the Quran, the Kitab which is our
lifeline well hikma and wisdom in how you take that Quran and apply
it. That's another thing. Well, fuck, they have a dean of faculty
who fit Dean, female and male and give him deep understanding of the
dean. Now you think anybody who makes these doors, you think that
door is not going to be accepted? Because I guarantee you the
majority of people don't make these doors. Who remembers that
that time to do it. That's why if you've got a concern and your plan
this and you've really like organize this in such a manner
that when the time comes, you remember this, ALLAH is gonna see
your concern My servants at this moment, when just come through
labor, they're making this dua, you know, subhanAllah, I'm going
to accept this door. Because the doors that are done in those kinds
of motion moments where you're, you can say,
occupied by something else or something like that in a dua made,
there is a very, very important door, and those doors will be
accepted. So don't forget these things. Now, what then happens is
the mother delivers a child and the placenta is delivered as well.
What do you do with them? What the recommendation there is
is an advice there is that you bury it. So you ask the hospital
for it, and they generally give it to you. But you must make sure you
have a garden or someplace to bury it. Many people live in these high
rises of flats or apartments or something like they don't have any
place. So if you can't, or you don't have a place or something
like that, then it's okay to let them I mean, the cord blood etc,
it can be donated for research purposes, because it's going to be
disposed of anyway. Right? It's going to be buried or disposed of
in any way they burn it to the incinerator or something like
that. But at the end of the day, this because it's going to be,
it's going to be disposed of, they can, they can benefit from that as
well. But as far as possible, you should try to bury it, if you can
take it bury it. Then the next process there is
the Henyk.
Right Danique is a very interesting, it's a very
interesting thing. It's Danique, the word comes from Hanoch. And
Hanoch means the palate of the mouth, right, so the top palate of
the mouth, that's what you call technique and technique means to
stick something
at the roof of the mouth.
So that comes from this hadith of Rasulullah, sallallahu alayhi wa
sallam, that when a smarter the Allahu anha, the sister of RT
Shala, the Allahu anha. When she had her first child, as soon as
they moved to Madina, Munawwara, Abdullah Hypnose Zubayr, or the
Allah one, the prophets, Allah son, God, the child asked for a
date, and I drew a date. And then he chewed it softened it. And then
he put it into the mouth of the child and child soccer. So it's to
transfer saliva from a pious individual, as being one of the
first things, it doesn't have to be the absolute, if it can be,
again, if you've got a technique done from someone, you don't have
to have bring them in. What happens in many cases now is that
they get Danique, they get the date,
chewed by somebody beforehand, and then they put it in the fridge,
it's in a foil wrapper or something like that, then you take
it out. And believe me, Chai loves it.
I just did one or two weeks ago, right? The friend's son, daughter,
and you choose the date, and then you put it in the mouth, and oh,
it won't, you know, you feel like it's gonna swallow the whole
thing. So you just have to make sure you hold it, what I would
suggest there is that if you're going to kind of a dry date where
it's dried, then those pieces are very dangerous that the skin dry
skin is very dangerous, because then that could get stuck. So get
a moisten or if you've got only a dry data, and then remove the dry
skin, and then just chew the rest of that it's just the chewy, not
chewy, but kind of a moist state, put it in the mouth, let them suck
on it for a while and then take it out. Don't do this too much that
you're not going to do it every day or something like that.
Otherwise, they'll become a sweet tooth. And that's another problem.
The other thing I would just say as a practical tip here is that
many people, you know, they know honey is very beneficial honey
shifa, etcetera, etcetera. So they give their children water with
honey.
And actually, what we noticed was that the child was already always
having a stomach problem or a problem, we just didn't realize
why, then, what we noticed once I read somewhere, that honey is
actually not good for them in the first year. Now, in fact, on honey
bottles on jars of honey, you'll actually see that not suitable for
children under one years of age.
Right, because I noticed that from experience is probably too heavy
for them. And the other thing is that you don't want to get them
accustomed to sweets from the beginning.
Because then they won't take anything else. In fact, you should
avoid sweet this is just that initial part where you do that.
There's also some studies about child feeding a lot of relaxation
away from their pain, like you know, when they have the prick or
something like that, and you give them some sweet, that takes
sweetness takes away pain from children. Very interesting
observation. That was some study that was done. So that's what you
call Darrick. That's what you call the Hunnic. If you don't have any
people around, and the father should just do it, even the mother
can do it. Just to follow the Sunnah in general. I mean, some
people say this is a sunnah that, you know, was done by the Prophet
salallahu Salam. So it's should be done by a pious individual or
something like that. But again, it can be done. Then after that comes
the breastfeeding time.
And again, you can do research about the benefits of
breastfeeding. I don't need to go into that. That's something many,
many people know. But I just want to talk about the, the, the way
you should breastfeed in the sense of what should be in your mind.
Generally, when a woman is going to breastfeed, she's going to be
relaxed is going to be sitting down. She's not going to be
cooking while breastfeeding, I'm assuming, right? She's not gonna
be doing anything else. Unfortunately, what a lot of women
do is that they're breastfeeding and they're watching neighbors.
Right? They're watching Coronation Street, or they're watching some
movie. They're watching up the breaking of marriage. They're
watching infidelity. They're watching people being unfaithful
to each other people swearing at each other maybe, and just
absolute futility and silliness and, you know, make believe
if you're male
Look is going to have benefits and is going to nourish this child,
then we believe in something beyond that. The when you're
breastfeeding your children, the more vicar that you do that will
also transfer to the child. She's in that environment vicar is so
powerful and so, so powerful that when a group of people are doing
thicken, others just come in, they get blessed because of the people
who are doing vicar, even if they've just come in to pick up
some keys or something like that. If that's the power of vicar, the
radiation, I mean, if I can use that term, radiation is a bad
thing. But, you know, if that's the sense of what it infuses, then
the mother sitting down every time she breastfeeds read some Quran.
You know, nowadays, if you don't have, you know, you were like, you
can't I mean, during the postnatal period, the 40 days of postnatal
bleeding, you can't read the Quran and but you can do they could have
a book of doulas, there are many doorsill husband out of them and
many other dua books that you could, you could be doing, you
know, reading Salawat on the Prophet salallahu Alaihe Salam and
just doing sit down and do maraca while you're breastfeeding your
child, I mean, there's lots of things that you can do, there's
just so many things. But that is what you should do, as opposed to
some kind of futile act to get on your phone and just be chatting
with people
Subhanallah you, that's what you should be doing. Now, you might be
thinking that's tough. You know, for a whole year, you're gonna do
that, obviously, your breastfeed is going to get less and less
because then you start introducing food and so on. But at the end of
the day, what you must realize is that all the sacrifice that I'm
giving right now for my child is going to be a benefit to it. When
you think that the sacrifice that you're giving, is just sacrifice
that's gonna go nowhere, then it's going to become a really difficult
act to do. But when you understand that every moment of yours doing
vicar while you're feeding your child,
it's your investment. And it's the benefit that you're providing is
what Allah subhanaw taala wants you to do, then it suddenly
becomes much more fruitful, it suddenly becomes much easier,
because you're doing it for the sake of Allah subhanaw taala,
you're getting closer to Allah, you're bringing yourself closer to
Allah subhanaw taala. There's a story that's related about one of
the leaders of Afghanistan, of Kabul, one of the governors, and
the sun was at the head of an army or something like that. And it
mentions that everybody was worried that he was he had
suffered a setback, and he was going to be failing. And this is
the kind of rumor that was coming back. His mother was really calm
in the house in the palace. She's really calm. She's got she's not
perturbed at all. Everybody's becoming really frantic. What's
going to happen to him this time than the other. And eventually
they notice that she's just sitting around nothing. Then
eventually, he came back as a victor. And then they asked her
how come you weren't preterm mothers are the first people to
become perturbed. You know, mothers are the first people to
become preterm. So she said, You know what I had full Yaqeen Allah
subhanaw taala, that he was not going to fail. Because from the
time that I bore him, I never once allowed anything even suspicious
to go down my throat, not even anything doubtful, forget haram,
not even anything doubtful to enter my throat, he was totally
nurtured from the time the embryonic stage, not just after
he's born, that we don't give him haram food to eat. And we look at
the ingredients, but from the time that he was in my, in my womb, I
made sure that not even adult full element pass through a pass down
to my throat, a pass through my throat. And I had fully again that
Allah subhanho wa Taala was going to assist him and help him.
So there are there are many benefits to this fact. And as I
said, I was just going to focus on these main aspects. May Allah
subhanahu wa taala give us the Tofik a few other things in this.
So you know, we talked about the whole perspective that you think
about even from a young age that when you get married, you need to
think about your character of how you're going to deal with
marriage, because character is very important marriage, then when
you do think about getting married, then what the basis of
your choice, find the right person, then what you do on the
first night, the two hours that you recite what you do in
consummating the marriage, you keep the shaytaan away, then the
embryonic stage, then when the child is born, the first things
that should come into their ears is the words of Allah subhanho wa
Taala the Athan and the karma, then the breastfeeding what a
mother should do while breastfeeding. I know the
husband's absent in a lot of this, but that's why I said that the
woman is going to get a huge amount of reward, which the father
he's going to get according to what he puts him, but the mother
is going to get older and what I'm saying is that the mother is
forced to go through this. So if you go through it lovingly, for
the sake of Allah subhanho wa Taala you get the reward. That's
the whole point of this. That's the way to make it easy.
Another thing there's a hadith that's related, just a few Hadith
You can disregard before we finish first and foremost
is a Hadith that's related by
Behati insurable Iman Abbas at the Allahu Anhu. He relates that also
allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said
if the who added CBN income, if the who Allah CBN income
or what I can imagine biller Illa Illa Allah
and well Aquino, whom in the multi La ilaha illAllah.
The first things you should open up with to your children, by
teaching the first words they should be reading and that you
should be encouraging them to learn is not about me, or do Do
you know or something like that. But it's La Ilaha illa Allah,
Allah La ilaha illa Allah. And I'll tell you from experience,
it's a possibility. Allah is such an easy word to say. It's so
natural to say it. You don't need any strange movements of the
tongue or anything. It's just Allah.
And that your child will say Allah Allah, Allah, I've actually taken
people's children when I you know, when they give them to me, I say
hola, hola. Hola. And they will say it. It's so easy. So that's
the first thing that the Hadith had mentioned that I have not
busted the Allah Han says that Allah rasool Allah SallAllahu
sallam said that start open up their speech with La Ilaha illa
Allah.
And then when they're about to die, at the deathbed, you advise
them to read La ilaha illallah and encourage them to do that. So they
come into the world La ilaha illallah they go with La Ilaha
illa Allah, as people have believed this is more valuable
than anything else. It is more valuable that our children come
into the world. And thus in sha Allah. If there's a hostile IP
Dida,
if there's a virtuous beginning, we expect in sha Allah, a virtuous
seeding state.
Right, and that is extremely important. So get that don't put
them in front of TV don't give them all of these weird toys to
play with that. Just playing all this creative crazy music and, and
things like that. Just avoid that in the beginning. Just avoid that
in the beginning.
Subhanallah I think that's very important. I remember with our
first child, I was just very particular unfortunately, I got
bit lazy afterwards. But I was very particular. I wouldn't I
wouldn't even go into a store with with the child if there was music
being played there. Right, I would stand outside and I've gone do
what you have to do and come back or I would go on you know,
whatever the case, I was very paranoid about it. I moved to
Syria. I was studying there for some months. And you know, the
words are not very well insulated. There was a single not single but
there was this woman whose husband used to work well then she was a
hijabi woman everything but she used to play this loud music all
the time. And he used to really bother me because I'm trying to
make him you know not listen to all this stuff. You know, this
bottle at the end of the day forget Halal haram, he just bought
it, you know, this is wrong. What is it? Right? Anything that takes
your heart away from Allah and gives you that same, you know,
gives you that kind of an attraction is wrong anyway. So
one day, we went and told her that, you know, if you can just
turn your music down, because it was just the whole building was
listening to it. So she thought that we didn't like Indian, we
didn't like our music.
So then, the next day,
it's Indian music's playing.
She must have thought these guys look Indian or whatever. And
Arabs, they like Indian music, like Indian movies a lot. They can
understand that they like him a lot, because I don't know, there's
some weird things about Indian movies. So again, told her you
know, please, you know, it doesn't matter. So then she plays English
music. I still remember I've told me that that was the Titanic song,
the movie Titanic, there was some song And subhanAllah we had to
listen to and I'm sure if I hear it too, that might be able to even
recognize it. Right? That it just it just rings in your ear. It just
rings in your ear. Then finally, one day I went and told them you
know, we think this is haram This is wrong. Right? Then after I
think she calmed down. Right? She just thought it was a matter of
preference. Right? Subhanallah
so that's, that's the Hadith that we want to the other Hadees that I
want to quickly bring to our attention is Amarula schreiben
relates through his chain that Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa
sallam said Motorola can be solid.
I mean, most people know this hadith that in, encourage order
your children to pray when they're seven years old. So now you start
encouraging them to pray. It doesn't mean that you stop them
from praying before that, but don't kind of like say you must
pray You must pray. Do you want to pray? Do you want to pray with us?
You could say that when they're five years old, and if they want
to do that, don't force them. Right? Because then you could
create a hatred, but at seven then you kind of more encouraged them
more than a 10. By that time, you shouldn't become used to it. Now
it says you can even discipline them at this age. And then
another Hadith that's very important is again related by by
hottie insurable Iman that Abu Saeed and even ARBUS are the
Allahu Anhu and Houma related Rasulullah sallallahu sallam said
that whoever has a child for you as a man will either well it for
us in Esma should give them a good name and what whatever he should
give an excellent be conduct you should teach them excellent
adoption and character for either Bella values a widow when they
become valid and become mature, then get them married off for in
Bulava. One amusa which who because if they become mature to
the age of marriage, and they you don't get them married, and then
what I saw but if someone and then they do something haram and wrong,
then for innama if before Allah a b, then the Father will be
responsible that that sin will be given to them.
So what we've got cases right now we've got 25 year old sisters and
brothers, who've they've even they've been engaged. But the
parents are waiting for so and so to come from Pakistan or
somewhere, right or somebody to finish their education. So it's
this two year
engagement. It's torture. And the parents don't get it for some
reason. They just don't get it and the children they're trying to say
look, we're gonna commit haram. Subhan Allah is totally against
this hadith is totally against it even engage. I mean, forget those
who say you can't get married yet. We're talking about even those who
are getting long engagements are a disaster. The very wrong two,
three months maximum, two, three months maximum.
May Allah subhanaw taala give us the Tofik I just wanted to
highlight the main points. There's a lot more than each one of these
places, but this is just to give us a roadmap for those who want to
have children inshallah. And for those who have children, we can
still rectify issues and so on. Because at the end of the day, as
a team says, Rahim, Allah he says that if a child goes wrong, the
only person to blame is the parents. We have so much control
over our children, we have so much effect on our children, and
everything matters. Everything matters. So hello, I've seen
parents who are I've seen one father, he's he knows he's a like,
he's not a very behaved individual. But he is very proud
of his daughter, who's a very behaved individual.
She's doing very well in madrasa in school, etc, etc. And he's on
another level but he is very happy that his daughters that way.
People want that for their children. They want that for their
children, even if they haven't been able to successful May Allah
subhanaw taala give us an Sophie go after that. 100 $100 Bill
Alameen