Abdur Rahman ibn Yusuf Mangera – Social Duties (from Imam Haddad)
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Bismillah al Rahman al Rahim Al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil Alameen wa
salatu salam ala say you bill more serene what are the early he also
be over raka was seldom at the Sleeman Cathy Yan Li o Medina,
Amma buried
this book that we're reading a section chapter 23rd From today
this chapter is on social duties it's called the Book of
assistance. I have the original Arabic here. I couldn't find my
print copy, but I have the Arabic edition here, recite a little more
identity while Moodle harati while more authority they are Robina
mineral meaning if you sue Saluki curricula, Hera. So basically,
it's the book of assistance for those who seek the pastor the
hereafter. In short, that's what this is about. And it's about very
influential scholar, a scholar who, mashallah just, you can say,
hits the nail on the head all the time, in terms of his selection of
material in terms of his
method of writing his writing style, in terms of what he is,
what he's covering, and what he's targeting. And there's, I don't
think that's of much surprise. And the reason is that his greatest
influence has been one of the greatest of the scholars of our
tradition, the herget that Islam Imam Ghazali Why do you mind was
it already passed away in 505 Hijiri,
which is basically around 1111 Gregorian.
That's good 900 years ago.
He was the revival of that century. And there's a, the idea
is that
the author of this book
is the revival of the 12th century. He was from Yemen. And
his purpose in many of these books was to you can say, summarize
and take material from the area or domain which is a very colossal
piece of work. And to provide it in more manageable, you can say
amounts, and he's been very successful in that regard. I think
the person who brought
him on Abdullah Allahu Allah we al Haddad, who is actually a senior,
he's from the Sadat of Yemen, meaning family of the Prophet
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, one of the scholars who I was
introduced to his works through one of the books that was given to
me, by the Quilliam press. Now I know Quilliam has become a bit of
a
one of those controversial words today. But Quilliam started off
very good. He was one of the first British Muslims, Abdullah
Quilliam, and then shake up the lucky Murad from Cambridge. He had
his press named Quilliam press. Well, before any Quilliam,
foundation, organization, whatever it's called, came about. And he
had
most of our brother, we translate a number of these works into
English. And I remember reading them and it was wonderful, because
it reminded me of the great scholars of the subcontinent,
their writing style, just the penetrative insight, the
spirituality that's oozing from there, and how it infuses us with
that. So it is really an amazing scholar, an amazing SCADA. So
we're going to because they've, I believe they've had a tradition of
reading from this, and they're on this chapter at this university, I
wanted to just provide a bit of background for those who are new
here, just here for the day, for example. So the chapter we're on
today is on social duties, it starts off with more, it starts
off with more inner,
inner subjects. For example, the first, the first chapter of the
book, if I remember correctly, is on conviction on your team, how to
deliver a develop conviction without conviction, you can't
really get anywhere, because it's your conviction in your faith that
is going to allow you to go through the turbulence in this
world and to negotiate things as they come about and the challenges
that we have to deal with, the more conviction that you have in
your heart. That is how much easier it's going to be for you to
deal with this world and be still comfortable, and still still be
confident of your faith. That's what it is about yuckiness about
confidence. So I would really suggest you
find a copy of this book and read it right from the beginning. If
it's if you haven't read it. We've actually moved on to the this
chapter here. Chapter 23 is on social duties. So as you can see,
it's moved from the internal aspects to the external aspects.
What is our duty to the people around us? So we're going to read
through this chapter
Turn, there's two other chapters that we're hoping to cover in this
short time that we have, which is quite a big task. But let's see
what we can do. Because there's just so much that's filled in
these very small chapters, I would suggest that you take notes of
things that you find to be very useful, and I believe me, there's
going to be a lot of useful stuff here. Right? Because that's really
how you benefit and inshallah you can go back and just just look at
it. And that's how you benefit from these things, if you can take
notes.
First he starts off is saying, deal justly with those in your
charge, whether public or personal.
So deal with those who you are responsible for, you have to deal
justly with them. They could be public people, or public entities,
or they could be private entities.
It's a very interesting way that he starts this and I can see that
as an alien style here, proper psychologist, starts you off with
thinking in the right way, be altogether protective, protecting
and solicitous of them, for God will call you to account in their
regard. And every shepherd will be asked to account for his flock as
the Hadith mentions
that every shepherd will be responsible for his flock, every
person will be responsible for those they've been made
responsible for. So he starts off with that, by your personal
charges. I mean, you're seven organs. Now you're a thought we're
talking about people that you may be managing at work, your your
family members, people around you, that's what we probably thought
that the direction he was going in. However, what he is saying is
by personal challenges, what he means are the seven organs which
are your tongue, that is the eyes, the stomach, the *, the
hands and the feet. These are basically
the organs by which we interact with others. And if we abuse
others or if we happen to abuse others, it generally happens
through this.
Allah subhanaw taala says in the Quran, we only use a shadow Erda
Allah healer nerdy,
for whom use their own hat, either Majah Guha, Shahida I lay him some
room we're absorbing module Duhem Bhima. Can we are Malone, we're
calling to let you know the hem lemma Shaheed to Marlena Carlu and
Dhaka and Allah hula, the UN Takakura che Allahu Akbar, this
really sends shivers down your back because Allah subhanaw taala
is saying here, when the enemies of Allah will be gathered
together, on the day of judgment be resurrected and gathered. Then
when they come before Allah
Shahida I lay him some room, the IRS will bear witness against
them, and the eyes will bear witness against them. And their
skin will bear witness against them. julu Doom Bhima Kameyama
dawn. Now imagine this is like, you go to court and your children
bear witness against you. How bad do you think that sounds? How
serious is that? Imagine the people you thought you could trust
your closest friend. You they get up to bear witness and you think
that they're going to support you? And then they say no, no, it was
really, you know, him or her whatever it is your mother and
father. Can you imagine the people you trust most? In fact, your body
you probably trust them more than your father or mother I think
because it's you it's us. That's who we are. So when these parts of
the body will start bearing witness a person will say
we'll call Julie julu The hem they'll say to the body parts Lima
Shaheed to Marlena, why you bearing witness against us? It's
you and I we all the same, you know, call you and talkin Allah,
Allah caused us to speak the same Allah Who caused everything else
to speak.
Wahhabi Roma Cameroon. So that day, there's no escape. There's
going to be full justice. I mean, there is no not just a semblance
of justice, not just a claim of justice, but there will be
absolute justice, and
our own body parts will speak against us. So that's why he's
saying here that these are in your charge. These are your charges
which God has given you and a trust with which he has entrusted
you which you should restrain from sin and use in his and use only in
his obedience. For God, the Exalted created them only that by
means of them you may obey Him.
Now, if this sounds to be exaggerated, it's not because
Allah says that one, Doctor Jinda will insert Ilaria balloon. I've
only created the jinn and the human to worship, how you're going
to worship. Well, generally most of us we worship with our tongues,
we worship with our bodies in solid. So he's given us these
things to do that with.
They are among his greatest favors.
and they are not to be used in his disobedience.
If you do not do this, you will be turning God's favor into
ingratitude. God gave me these body parts by which I earn my
living. I live my life, I embellish myself, I adorn myself,
I go about and I interact with others. It's this, what they see,
this is what they see, they see my face, they see my hands, they see
my body, they see my physical appearance. This is what people
interact with. This is what I gain benefit with in this world. And
then if I'm going to use them in disobedience,
then I'm using them for the wrong thing for not what they were
created for. He says that if you had God, the Exalted not made
these organs to be your servants. That means not in our control
and made them to obey you just by disposition,
then, you would not have been able to use them to disobey Him at all.
I mean, that sounds a bit complex, but what it means is that, if they
were supposed to be like any other nun, animate creature in this
world,
and they were not an extension of us, right, then they would never
have disobeyed Allah Allah on their own. Because nothing in this
world disobeys Allah except the bad human being, and the bad jinn.
Everything else worships Allah. We're immune che in your sub beho,
behind the rugby, anything, everything they do the speed of
the Lord, they glorify their God.
Well, I cannot have Kahuna, this be How come, you don't understand
that as be, you don't understand the way they glorify, just because
they don't have a tongue. It's an inanimate object. But everything
does in its own way. So had our head, our limbs not been in our
control, then they would not have disobeyed, that means the
responsibility, the guilt of that comes back to us. And I guess,
let's try to understand who we are then.
If we're not our limbs and organs, and we're kind of saying that
we're separate to our link limbs and organs, because that's the
assumption here, isn't it? The assumption here is that we are
using our limbs, but aren't we a product and a compound of our
limbs? Isn't that what it is? So who is we then? Well, at the end
of the day, it's our spirits, which will endure beyond death as
well. That is what matters. In this world, our bodies, physical
bodies,
are subordinate to our soul, a human being is made up of a soul
and body, you need a body in this world to function and the soul to
live out its desires or it's worship or whatever it may be.
This body, as you know, when we are buried, then it will perish,
it will decompose. Some people are cremated. There's various
different ways how this body is disposed of. However, human beings
continue, what part of the human being continues? Well, it's the
soul, the rule that continues. So basically, the then you were in
between the rising on the day of judgment. And after leaving this
world as an intermediate run, called the bizarre, what happens
in that time is that we are still in a life, there is some kind of
life that we have there. On the Day of Judgment, when we're
resurrected, we're given given another body,
we're given another body. And then after that, the soul comes back
into this body, right, so we got a fresh new body at that time,
everybody is going to be of a certain age 33 or so years old,
you know, perfect kind of age, prime of youth, and so on and so
forth. So now let's understand some connections here. Human is an
insulin is the JSON the body and the rule. Together, that's what
makes it Jason. That's what makes a human being. So in this world,
our body is primary.
Our rule is secondary. That's why we feel everything. In terms of
our body, everything is felt through our body, we live live
this life through our body, basically.
In the Intermediate Realm, in the browser, the rule is dominant, the
body is subordinate.
Because the rule continues, it goes to the worship of Allah, if
it's a believer, it goes into gender, maybe if it's a shahid or
whatever, right. And the body may be decomposed. There's a small
amount that has to remain eventually, a body may be mauled
by a lion, but obviously our parts eventually somewhere, you know
that they are around. That's why they will be punishment in the
grave. They say, even though you don't have a body because the soul
is primary.
The body is secondary doesn't matter.
Now when it comes to the hereafter in gender and Jahannam, what do
you think is primary and what do you think is secondary?
Gender jahannam. Anybody have an idea? Okay, so what it is, is that
they both primary.
That's why in paradise, you get the full pleasure that you will
never get in this world, because both your body and your soul is
experienced going to experience it. Likewise, the punishment in
the Hellfire is going to be intense beyond anything of this
world, because both the soul and the body will become primary, they
will both feel it won't be the soul feeding it through the body,
or the body, feeding it through the soul, it will be both direct
hits. That's why paradise is what it is. It has the ability, you
know, like you've got, what is it 4k video that's out right now, but
not eat all TV screens and whatever can you know, you know
what I mean? So basically, it's about the amount of punishment
there in hellfire, the intensity of punishment or the intensity of
the pleasure of paradise. The body in this world has no ability to,
to tolerate or to feel that, but in the hereafter it will.
May Allah grant us Jana
had, so that's what he says, when you intend to use any of them.
sinfully it says, in its own way, oh seven of God fear God Do not
force me to commit that which Allah has forbidden me.
Our body is saying that to us, and unfortunately, we can't hear it.
If there was, there was some way we could tap into that lent
wavelength, then I am assuming we could really avoid. Now the way to
tap into that wavelength is not through technology. It's through
spirituality. That's when a person will feel the need to listen to
every part of their body right now we ignore it because our shower
and desire is too strong. We don't care what's going to happen to us.
We forget at that moment. We don't care about anything. So we're told
our some respectable person or parents, something's going to
watch us then that we wake up a bit. But otherwise, the effect of
desire is so strong that it blinds us to everything intoxicates us.
But to get to be spiritually awake, will allow us to feel
everything around us and fulfill the rights of everything that
people who are spiritually awake, they feel the rights of
everything.
They're not selfish.
Do not force me to commit that which God has forbidden me if you
then do commit a sin, it turns to Allah and says, I forbade him a
lot. But he did not listen.
I am innocent of what he did. You will one day and maybe that's the
reason why these bodies will, will wither and go and will be given a
new body. In the hereafter Allahu Allah, you will one day well then
you might say well what's the guilt of the new body right to be
punished in the hereafter in the hellfire.
You will one day stand before God and these organs will testify to
every good or evil in which you use them on a day which cannot be
averted.
Brought on by Allah, you will then have neither refuge nor denial.
A day when wealth and children will be of no avail. jambalaya and
federal Mal and water balloon
Ilam at Allah Habib al bin Salim only those who come to Allah with
a whole heart with a sound hearts. That's that's the only thing that
will be of benefit on that day, that heart which really
understands which understands the
importance and significance of everything around not a selfish
heart, who just wants to fulfill the desires at all costs. That's
why what I remember at this point, what I recall at this point is one
of the doors of hustle Busey Rahimullah in his 70s stefarr.
He says, Oh Allah, I seek your forgiveness from all of those sins
that I committed with the wealth that you gave me.
With the bounties that you gave me, I use them to disobey you.
That's essentially what he says.
So now he moves on from the private charges. They're very
private, because a person like me, he moves on to the public charges,
these are what you would expect anyway. These are all people
entrusted by Allah to your custody such as children, wife and slave
now,
for the for the sisters here and the majority of sisters here. This
obviously was being written to a male audience. And in terms of
responsibility, the man is supposed to be the head of the
household and he is responsible. This is not just some kind of
honorable position. You know, you are the king and everybody will
serve you. It's a responsibility. Right? It's a responsibility and
that's what he is calling them out for that. He's saying.
All those in your custody such as children, the wife
The slave, all of whom are a part of your charge. I mean, slave,
obviously, this is speaking about a time when they had slavery,
right?
Just the interesting point about slaves.
Islam gave so much right to slaves. Because I know this
bothers some people, if you don't know the history of this, the
reason why Islam did not come in and abolish slavery outright is
because there's numerous slaves that were had been slaves for
generations,
for generations been saved, the whole mentality was slavery.
If they were to just take them and make them all free, and let them
run around, they wouldn't be able to deal with it.
I remember one brother who was in prison just for a year or two,
right? I mean, that's a long time.
And he came out on a Friday, and I saw him in July, and I said, I'll
take you home.
And on the way I had to go into a shop into a store. And he had a
hard time coming in that store.
He says, No, this just feels really weird, that I just can't do
this, you know, coming from a very restricted thing to suddenly have
all of these things around you. It's very difficult for people to
adjust. So what Islam did instead, the Prophet sallallahu Sallam gave
huge, huge incentives to free slaves. Well, first he lifted
their status says you must give them to eat, what you eat, you
must close them properly. So number one, they got a decent
lifestyle. Number two, you must not I mean, overburden them, yes,
you can take work from them, but you must not overburden them.
Number three, numerous incentives to freedom. If you free them, this
is the reward you get if you free them, this is the reward you get.
If you freedom to marry them, this is the reward you get so many
incentives. Number four,
to be used as the freedom is to be used as an explanation for your
penalty and for penalties. You broke a fast free a slave broken
off broke this broke that free slave. So the idea was to
integrate them like this And subhanAllah that's why it's
probably only in Islam. You have these huge scholars, Muhammad,
even OCD and freed slave hasn't Buster, his mother was a freed
slave. Some of I just don't want to bring all the names right
nowadays, numerous of our greatest scholars that
you know, you you have in great respect, they were slaves first.
But they mashallah, you know, then one of the highlights of this,
which is amazing is that in Egypt, you had the Mamluk dynasty, the
Mamluk dynasty. The word ma'am, Luke itself is a slave. This was a
dynasty of slaves that ruled the Muslim lands, they were very
powerful. How is that possible? They were brought in by slaves by
the Abbasids and others, Sal Jukes and others. And they were put into
positions because they were, you know, they were good at what they
did. And they rose in influence and power
to such a degree that they took over a fish, technically, they are
slaves, because they haven't been freed. They are technically a
slave. Right? You know, if there's a technicality there, but they are
ruling, they are governors, they are ministers,
and a whole dynasty, the circulation dynasty of the
Mamluks.
Now, where else would you get that? So the concept of slave of
this guy that you beat up, right, and you just make them work on the
floor, scrubbing the floors. I mean, that's not the concept of
slavery in Islam, necessarily. I'm sure some of that was there. But
you know, that's not the concept of slavery. It was how to take a
race that was in that mindset and to try to bring them out.
I thought that diversion digression was important. So
that's the slave anyway, I don't think we'll be learning much more
about service here. It is your duty to guide them to the
performance of that which Allah has made obligatory, and the
avoidance of that which he has forbidden. So it's the the head of
the house of the man the husband the father's responsibility to for
Islamic education. That's why the worst cases I've seen are where
the woman, the wife, the mother is more religious than the husband
and she's having to try to
negotiate that idea.
And try to make him pray. He doesn't pray, he doesn't do this.
He doesn't do that. Sometimes he stops me from praying and stops me
from wearing the right kind of clothing or covering up or
whatever the case is. It's really weird. You get these situations.
So it's the man's responsibility. And he says, Beware of allowing
them to neglect an obligatory or
an obligation or committed forbidden act, summon them to that
in which their salvation and happiness in the hereafter lies is
the man's responsibility. Of course, if the man is not doing
it, than the wife should do it. I mean, you know, it's, it's not
exclusively his responsibility. Teach them courtesy and do not
plant in the hearts in their hearts, the love of the world and
its cravings.
Don't just indulge them in the world. And make them love the
possessions of the world. Just get them what they want. And you go
and do what you want. And you just give them what they want. That
never works.
A lot of parents they do that they think they're fulfilling their
responsibility by just indulging them buy whatever they want, okay,
you want to you want the new form hulless There you go, just leave
me to it.
He says, Teach them.
Courtesy,
good o'clock character, do not, he's not going into any kind of
depth. He's just mentioning things. Okay. That's why a lot of
this requires a lot of thought. That's why it's quite a big task
to try to cover three chapters in an hour, because it's just like
reading through it is not much you're going to take with you, if
you if you're not careful. A lot of this can open up a lot more,
teach them courtesy and do not plant in their hearts, the love of
the world and its cravings for you thus have done them harm. Because
whatever you teach them at this young age, when they grow up, it's
just going to be projected, and maybe magnified. Whatever is
taught at a young age, believe me all this comes back.
For example, I've lived in different countries of the world
for extended periods of time. One of the things that I've seen in
England is that because we have this mucked up system, where
children off to school, go for two hours to study Quran and some fake
and things like that. What I've seen is that because they've got
the belief in Allah, sometimes then when they become 14 1516, or
become a bit rebellious, maybe they get into even drugs, and they
get off track or whatever the case is. What I've generally seen,
though, that these people eventually will come back.
The whatever is taught to them at a young age does eventually
prevail after after this intoxication of youth
is removed. However, I've seen cases where there was no system
like that, to teach them at a young age. They were nominal
Muslims in a sense that they, they knew what a prayer was, they may
have known not what Juma prayer was, they may have known that
Ramadan, you know, you go to the you know, sometimes you go to the
mosque and do these Iftar parties, right, there wasn't anything
serious. And if they go off track, then it's difficult for them to
come back. Because they have no basis. The Quran is not they don't
even know how to read the Quran. They just about know the column if
they're lucky.
And for those of you who come from very, you know, good, traditional
well set Islamic backgrounds, you will find it very hard to believe
but I've actually seen this, it's just very difficult. That's why
good education and therapy at a young age is very, very
beneficial. Even if somebody goes off track, they will eventually
come back.
Right? Then he says, It has been said that the wife and the
children of a man shall clutch him before Allah and say, oh, Lord,
this one did not teach us.
This one did not teach us your rights upon us. Therefore give us
retaliation from him. Now, don't the women feel good not to be the
household head of the household. Right? They are the head of the
household. For the rest of the household. They are they are the
Queen's of the house in that sense. But the husband's
responsibilities, because he's outside the house, they have to
take responsibility in the home. But
Subhanallah it's a big responsibility. And may Allah
subhanaw taala grant us success in this because we may think that
we're doing it out of love for our children and our families that
we're not being very strict with them. We're not we don't have much
discipline, we let them do what they want. On the Day of Judgment,
these same people are going to come and grab our throats.
That's the danger.
Allahu Akbar, you must treat them also with justice and
graciousness. So now, you know, you might be thinking, Okay, I'm
going to be very strict with them. So now he immediately counters
that and says, Well, you must be you must treat them with justice
and graciousness. So it's not about just having a strict home.
That is all military command. Right. Justice is to give them
everything that Allah has made rightfully this in the way of
expenditure, clothes and living with them charitably spending on
them, it's a sadaqa to spend on your family. That's why we even
had the one day the Ashura right? Man wasa Allah Allah He Yo Ma
Ashura was Allahu Allah He a senator Kula Kula, right. The
hadith mentions that the Prophet salallahu Salam said that
specifically on the day of RFI, if you spend even more on them, if
you expand your spending on them on that day, Allah will give you
expansion throughout the year. That's a Baraka, but in general,
you must. Now again, that doesn't mean indulgence to a detrimental
level. It means not to be tight. It means to give them what is the
do. One of its obligations is to take the wrong ones.
writes from the unjust among them. In a hadith It is said that a
servant may be recorded as being a tyrant when he has power over his
family alone.
Listen to this carefully, he says in a hadith, they said that a
servant may be recorded as being a tyrant avoid him, Jabbar when he
has power over his family alone.
Kind of a strange expression. That is he treats them high handedly,
the only people he has control over,
or any kind of, you can say any kind of responsibility over and he
still becomes a Jabbar a tyrant. That is, it's not like he's
dealing with the whole country, or a city, or he's a governor of
someplace or a minister of somewhere, he's just got his own
family, that's all he's got to deal with. And he still is written
as a, as a tyrant, because he treats them high handedly.
That's why,
you know, in Islam, a husband is supposed to, is supposed to be the
breadwinner of the house. And thus, one of the basic
responsibilities of a husband towards his wife is that he
provides her with a shelter, meaning, I don't mean a shelter,
shelter, but you know what I mean, a place to live, right, a decent,
decent, you know, place to live, a room about bathroom, toilet,
kitchen, and so on. And the kitchen has to be there,
obviously, right? And
clothing,
clothing, food, and residence. Okay, that's the basic,
he also has to give enough of our spending.
Now, one is that somebody says, this is the credit card you can
spend on there. But every time this the every time she does
spend, there's massive scrutiny. And it just makes her feel like
man,
it's better not to spend, I have to answer too much. That's why
Mala Mala Nashoba return, we refer to Allah, this is the human room,
he says that you should give her an amount in her hand that is
separate to anything to do with the family, a lot of people they
say we give our wife spending money. But that money is to
actually be used to buy food for the House to do the shopping,
right? Go to Morrison's and to buy clothing for the children and all
of that. And sometimes that's not even enough. She is then forced to
work to, to add to that, and he's sending money to his parents or
relatives in India or Pakistan or somewhere. There's that case as
well. So you say no, take an amount that is a decent amount and
give it to her, this is yours. This is got nothing to do with
spending for the family spending for the families the husband's
responsibility anyway. Now, I know that a lot of the dynamic is
changing today, because of the women working as well, sometimes
women making more money than the husbands right.
Now, even in that case, even in that case, it's the husband's
responsibility to provide everything.
Yes, for him to provide is a medium range. Not you know, a big
villa somewhere and or like a, you know, something up to the
standard. Now, if the wife insists that No, no, we need upgrades and
we need this, that and the other, then she can contribute. And if
she if willingly wants to contribute, she can contribute.
She can say look, I don't want, I don't want you to spend any of
your money, you just sit at home and relax, I'll do the work and
everything she can do that if they want to. But that's not going to
be a man who will agree to something like this. Right? So the
man's places that he's even his wife's a millionaire, he still has
to do the spending.
I'm just explaining the technicality here. However, if
they do agree that they're going to pool their money together, or
they're going to contribute together to buy a house, for
example, then that's fine. Just in those cases, what must be very
clear is who owns what?
That's very important. I don't mean you every lesson that's
yours. That's mine. I don't mean that, because that's not what you
do. But it's to have a clear understanding that this 50% is
yours, or 40% of the contribution is yours, or 30%. Yours 70% is
mine. This is all you know, so that if there is a divorce, or if
there is a death than the inheritance is very clear.
That's what I mean. So it's not about going about everyday and
saying that's yours. That's mine. That's yours. That's mine. No,
it's just about understanding these things that can be written
very clearly. So that way if there's an issue, then at least
it's dealt with properly. There's a massive problem with this
because a lot of confusion ensues in the case of divorces in the
case of death, because the families then come in and the some
crazy things happen in that case.
Okay, so as for great, treat them gently and not be harsh in asking
them for the rights assigned by you, to you by God and to treat
them with nobility, and to also laugh with them at times without
falling into sin to joke around as the Prophet said Lawson used to
joke around with his wife. Alright, shall we the Allah Han
you know the stories of of that
So, it's not about being the leader, and making everybody just
follow orders. But it's about a relationship, a social
relationship in which everybody's happy. And it's a place where
ideas are exchanged. People are enjoying it. And that's how
they're growing together, and they're going towards the
hereafter together. That's the idea. And for that, as a human
being, we need to joke, we need humor. That's why he's saying this
and the professionalism showed us how this was done. He says,
though, you must joke with them without falling into sin. So no
crazy jokes that harm somebody. Right? Or no telling lies in a
manner that removes estrangement and repugnance, but maintains
reverence and respect. So the reason for joking is to remove any
kind of high handedness formality so that people can be comfortable,
you can break the ice with each one another, but not to joke to
such a degree that they don't take you seriously.
And there's no dignity left. There's no reverence and respect,
you still have to maintain the respect and reverence that's the
balance which is difficult to attain, but may Allah give us that
balance.
You should forgive the wrongdoers among them. This is very
important. You know, you should forgive the wrongdoers among them,
and those who offend you absolve them inwardly, forgive them inside
for what they may have embezzled of your wealth, you will one day
find on the side of good deeds of the balance. So even if some one
of the people in your charge has taken something from you, right,
then,
on the Day of Judgment, if you forgiven them in the world, on Day
of Judgment, you will get that reward, which will be a lot more
valuable. Then he says something very interesting, just so has
early on, he says it is not fitting that they acquire
punishment because of you, if you don't forgive them.
A husband should always be forgiving his wife and children.
And a wife should always be forgiving her husband and her
children. And the children should always be forgiving their parents,
like oh, I forgive them from anything. I don't keep anything in
my heart. Because on the Day of Judgment, if they have to be
punished for us, because we didn't forgive them for an excess against
us, and on the Day of Judgment, you're not gonna forgive anybody,
the time to forgive his now.
That's why we want it to be clear.
So it is not fitting that they equate punishment because of you
while you are rewarded because of them.
That's not where you want to profit from. Write profit from
your enemies. Maybe you don't want to profit from your mother,
father, husband, wife, children.
Can you see this is not ordinary speech. This is really in depth,
the person who really is in tune with everything, the connections
are all there. He understands fully aware of Allah sunnah in
this world. May Allah make us of these people.
The Messenger of Allah May the blessings and peace be upon him
was once asked, How often should a slave be forgiven each day? And he
replied for 70 mistakes.
This forgiveness touches upon your rights over them. But never those
of Gods
devote special protection and solitude to the women of your
household. Give them special protection.
Special solicitude teach them the rules pertaining to menstruation,
the obligations of goosal will do praying, fasting, the rights of
their husbands. Yeah, that would be good. Right? I'm sure that men
are saying, Now, you might be saying My husband doesn't know any
of this stuff. I know more than him away, is he gonna teach me
from? Right? So? And you may think, Well, I don't know this
stuff, how am I going to teach you it doesn't mean you have to teach
it yourself, that would be the best thing. But if you can't do
that, then you teach them.
Organize a class for them, let them go to a class, the worst
person is the one who can't teach his wife anything and doesn't even
let her go to learn something.
That's the worst of people.
That's pure ignorance. But it is the husband's responsibility to
make sure that they are all aware of these things. I give you a
story that I was told.
There was a che who was in one of the villages in Pakistan. And he
after fajr, he he saw that the
the chairman of the masjid the motor will leave the the caretaker
that they know the main responsible person does. He's
sitting there crying, says why are you crying for? He says what do I
tell you shake? It's something very embarrassing. Eventually what
the story was, is he said that I've been married for this many
years. Generally after fajr I come to the masjid for Fudger for
official prayer. And then after that I sit there until a shock
until sunrise. Doing my vicar I do my shock then I go home
afterwards. So that's a good hour he spends in the masjid. Right, a
good hour. This is one day what happened is that we were together
at night. Right? And
when I woke up in the morning, I had to dig a whistle and it was
solid time
There was not enough time to boil the water to warm it. Because you
know, there you have to get the wood together and everything like
that. It was a fork of the hosel. I mean, you understand what I'm
saying. So I quickly just had a cold shower, a cold bath and ran
to the masjid that day, because I wasn't feeling too well or
whatever. I went back straightaway after salah, I didn't stay in the
masjid for another half an hour, 45 minutes, I went back
straightaway. And I see that my wife is sitting on her masala on
her prayer mat, finished prayer and she's sitting there. So I say
to her,
I think to myself that I had a cold shower, she could not have
had a cold shower. Right. And for her to have warmed up, the water
would have taken this long, you know, maybe 20 minutes, half an
hour, whatever the case is, she could not have had a shower in
this time. So I said what happened?
You didn't take a shower. So she said
that's only when
that's only when you do Zina with somebody. That's not when it's
husband and wife, it's when it's somebody else, that's when you
take a shower.
And he is just thinking Subhanallah for all of these years
that I've been married, there's been no hustle.
And this guy is running the masjid in a village somewhere, right?
He's running the masjid in a village. His wife did not. And I
mean, she was sincere about him. And she didn't know.
I don't know why she wasn't not she there was there's a lot of
misunderstanding among people about a lot of these issues, a lot
of misunderstanding. So she felt that hosel was only necessary when
it was a case of Xena not when it was with the husband.
And for how many years that must have been the case. That's why
he's sitting there crying.
So sometimes there's a lot of ignorance on either side.
Responsibility may be extensive.
And involve many people.
And you know, when we say here that he should teach her the
rights of the husband, that is also important. I'm not saying
from the perspective that it makes them make sure that they are, you
know, it is important because at the end of it be sinful if they
don't fulfill the rights of the husband.
Generally women are not going to the masjid as much. Right? So they
don't know what the responsibilities are. Men also
have responsibilities were different. We just been reading
about all of that. Right? But because they genuinely go to the
masjid, you know, generally the people who are practicing, they do
hear these things, you know, they generally hear these things.
So that's why there could be more ignorance among women.
In that setting, doesn't have to be the case. Responsibility may be
extensive and involve many people as in the case with rulers and
scholars. So now he's expanding and he's saying okay, well, let's
move from the household. Now you could be a minister, you could be
a ruler, right at the end of the day you are responsible for your
flock so let's expand this on a macro level. Each Shepherd will be
will be questioned about his flock, God the Exalted said God
enjoins justice and goodness and the Prophet sallallahu sallam
said, May blessing PCB upon him, Oh Allah, treat gently, those who
are given authority over any of my nation, and who treat them gently
and treat harshly a saying Oh ALLAH treat harshly those who
treat others harshly. And then he said, no ruler dies having cheated
his subjects, but that Allah forbids the garden on him. Now
this applies to anybody who has responsibility and they do not
fulfill that responsibility. Have them. Be loyal to your parents,
for this is a most certain duty. Beware of severing your ties with
them, which is one of the greatest sins, Allah the Exalted, said,
Your Lord has decreed that you worship none other than Him and
treat your parents excellently. If one or both of them attain all age
with you say, Don't even say off of five to them, no rebuke them,
but speak gracious words to them, and out of Mercy lower to them the
wink of humility, don't be arrogant in front of them, just
because you may be bigger, or you know your English better than they
do because they speak in, you know, Pakistani style English or
Indian style English or whatever the case is. Because they don't
know. You know, that's not the point. Or you've been to
university and they haven't been to university.
My and then say constantly, my Lord, have mercy on them, as they
did care for me when I was little. And then Allah says, and give
thanks to me and to your parents. And surely what do you actually
take? Notice how Allah has associated the exhortation to
treat them well, with the unification of him and thanking
them with thanking him. If you thank your parents, you've thanked
Allah.
You must therefore seek to make them please with you and obey them
except in committing sinful things or omitting obligations. prefer
them to yourself and give them affairs give their affairs
priority over your own. Or you keep telling me to do that. I'm
doing my homework right now. I already did it for you yesterday.
These are things that we say when we get informal with our parents.
We think it doesn't matter, they'll understand.
But you know, when you know the responsibility, you feel really
bad about saying it. If my dad tells me to do something, and I
feel like he told me yesterday, right? He told me do the same
thing yesterday, I will know Inshallah, I will no longer say,
right, we may have said it when I'm younger. But after learning
all of these things, it does tell you that look, you can't say these
things. You negotiate, you can say, but you know, can I do this
for you tomorrow? Please, I can't do it today. Can I do it? Or is
that okay? You can negotiate. But if you say, oh, man, you're
telling me to do it again. That's the problem.
Now you may think that's harmless.
You may think that's harmless. What's the big deal? They
understand? It's okay.
That's not what Allah wants us to do. He wants us to have respect
because they've done a lot for us. And generally, people start only
understanding is when they have children themselves. That's when
they start realizing
but it gets a bit late then. It's never too late, but it's it does
get late sometimes.
disloyalty includes withholding from them any good that you are
able to bring them as well as frowning and chiding. The prophets
of Allah sama said, many blessings and peace be upon him. The scent
of the garden is perceived at 1000 years traveling distance the
center of the garden is the agenda is very powerful, from 1000 year
distance away, right? If that can even be fathomed in the mind. It
can be you can smell it. However, the person who is disloyal, they
won't even smell it from close. They will not even smell it. So
they won't they will be more than 1000 years away, basically in
distance.
So, but it won't be smoked by the one who is disloyal to his parents
or the sever of kinship bonds, or the adulterous old man. This
doesn't mean that young men can be adulterous, but the old one is
worse because I mean, come on, man. He's at that age and he's
still doing that stuff, or the sever of or the one who lengthens
His garments out of vanity.
You know, extending the garments, for pride is solely the attribute
of God the Lord of the world's
and he has said May the plus a peace and blessings, blessings be
upon him that Allah the Exalted, says, the one upon whom morning
comes and he has done what pleases his parents, but displeases me, I
am pleased with him.
And the one upon whom morning comes and he has done that which
displeases his parents, but pleases me, I am displeased with
him. Now this has to be put into perspective doesn't mean that you
don't pray or anything, you just be obedient to your parents. This
is just an exaggeration. That makes sure because generally
people understand responsibility, but any person with faith
understands responsibility to God, but sometimes because of social
pressure.
Right? Because it's okay socially, to speak back to your parents
because everybody's doing it. When you go and speaking to people,
they always saying, Oh, my old bag, my old man, my this my that.
So you think it's okay? Do you understand? But to Allah, you
know, that's not possible you nobody blasphemed Allah, nobody
violates Allah except, you know, the people who disregard Him
complete deny him. That's why he's saying that make sure that you
it's an exaggerating faith isn't an exaggerated phrase, just to get
people to understand.
Parents should now as I said, it's very thorough. Parents should help
their children to be loyal to them by not insisting on every one of
their rights, don't micromanage. Don't make sure like everything, I
mean, human beings do make mistakes or let them make
mistakes. So don't micromanage. Especially in these days, when
loyalty is scarce, evil is rife. And parents consider that the most
loyal of their children's, the one who does not injure them, right,
at least doesn't harm me. You know, that is the way we deal with
it. So that's why he says if you're going to try to be so
perfect in in, in demanding your rights, you're going to be in big
trouble.
You have to understand where you're living.
Respect your ties of kinship and start with the closest to you.
Give generously of the good things you have and start with the
nearest.
Allah says, Worship Allah associate nothing with him behave
with excellence towards your parents, the near Kindred, the
orphans, the indigent, the neighbors, the neighbor, who is
kin and the neighbor who is not. So these are all people that we
have responsibility towards. God has in many contexts in joint kind
behavior towards kin in his precious book, and the messenger
messenger of God. God in many contexts enjoins kind behavior
towards Kin. Kin is your blood, family, Blood Ties that's kin
in his precious book, and the messenger of allah sallallahu
Sallam has said, charity to Kin, meaning if you give charity to
your relatives, your family members, that is both
charity sadaqa.
And it is also similar to ROM, which means Salah to Ryan, which
means joining the bonds of kinship, which is an additional
reward, you get to rewards for doing that.
And let him who believes in Allah and the Last Day, honor his
neighbor.
And then he said Gibreel has enjoined me so often with regard
to the neighbor that I thought he would allow him to even inherit
from me like and make him a family member. Because you are so close.
How do you do that in this country, where you don't even know
your neighbors.
I remember once I was in the post office in America, and there was a
line there for filling out passport forms. So I know the
person who used to work in the post office is this oriental guy.
Right. I used to see him quite often. And there was a woman in
the line. And when he got a when she got to the front, and he was
looking through her form, he looked at her address. And it
turned out that he's a neighbor. And he only finds out now
hygiene, oh, you're my neighbor, someone.
And it's like, it's not like they moved there just recently, it's
just that people are so busy, they go out in the morning, they come
out at night, nobody looks at each other, I don't know SubhanAllah.
Sometimes that happens. Maintaining ties of kinship and
kind behavior towards neighbors will not be complete unless one
refrains from harming them. You can't just be giving them gifts,
right, and then putting your music up, or doing barbecues and letting
the smell go into they're not offering them some. Right that,
you know, what they say is that you can't give you the aroma,
right that you can't give your children ice cream in the presence
of your neighbor's children, not give them any that is torture, you
know, a child to see ice cream in somebody else's hand and they
don't get one. That's the worst thing you can do.
That's why if you do cook something
you should give them that's what the Prophet said, allows him said,
Let him who believes in Allah and the Last Day honor his neighbor,
then he has said, the prophets Allah sama said, the maintainer of
kinship ties is not he who rewards an act of goodness. So if some
color of yours, some anteriors, comes to visit you, then you visit
them, and you don't visit the other one, because she doesn't
come to visit you. This is generally what parents, you know,
the village mentality, this is the way they work. They don't come why
should we go? Like, okay, how many times have you been,
it's always somebody else. That's why my policy in my family is that
I don't care if they don't come to my house. But I'm going to try to
go at my convenience when I can to their house. So even if they've
never been to my house, I'll still go and try to visit them. You
know, even if it's just once a year or something, I don't care if
they don't come to my house, it's not going to be reciprocal. If you
have that idea, then call us it's fine.
It doesn't mean you go and visit them every day. That's a hassle.
So this is Zulu ribbon, does that Hogben which means visit,
occasionally, that will increase the love if you go every day it
gets, you know, complicated.
So
the Prophet sallallahu sallam said that the maintainer of kinship is
not the one who does it out of reciprocation, who just does it
because they do it. But it is the one who when his kinship ties are
severed, he goes and joins them.
Now there is another case where they don't want you and you go,
and they still don't want you that, you know, that's a different
issue, then in that case, is a requires to ask for forgiveness or
see what the issue is, I try to clarify, I try to resolve the
matter. That's a different issue. I'm just talking about normal
situation. And then he says, inhibit us you habituate yourself
to kindness, when people behave kindly towards you, but do not
behave badly when people behave towards badly towards you. Now,
you may think, but that's bad, that's in unfair, yes, it may be
unfair. But as I said, if you have conviction, if you have the first
chapter of this book, none of this will bother you. Because you know
that Allah is counting everything Allah knows. And I'm doing this
for Allah, when you start doing these things for Allah, it doesn't
matter anymore.
They may say, he's acting bad towards me, I should act bad
towards him again, I should do the same thing to him. I shouldn't
give him you know what he did not give me I should not borrow him,
whatever, that he did not give me last time or whatever. He didn't
take me with him last time. She didn't take me she didn't tell me
about the party or the invitation or whatever. She didn't call me to
her house. I shouldn't call her. You know, you think these things.
This is what shaytan wants us to do, and all these petty, petty
little things. But he's saying that no, if you if you think about
Allah subhanaw taala and you have Dawa Quran Allah none of these
things will bother you. And then he says, and success is by God and
what a true statement. This is not like just one of those flourishes
at the end or something. They just nice word and no, and the Tofik is
only from Allah. So what is he telling us by the statement, that
you may have resolved to do all of these things, but at the end of
the day, you must ask
Allah, because if you ask Allah then he will make it easy for you
because none of these things happen without Tofik without
divine guidance, divine enablement.
And that is basically the end of this chapter, what all we have
time for today, the next chapter was on is on on kindness and
charity. And which actually follows on obviously, from our
social responsibilities. And then the chapter after that was also
in sync on counseling others on helping others and giving them the
best advice and acting with goodwill towards them. But again,
this is not a book to read in a day. This is a book to read over
slowly, slowly and try to internalize. May Allah subhanaw
taala give us the baraka and the blessing of this. Whatever the
author intended, the benefit that he intended to give people from
this May Allah give us that benefit. May Allah allow us to be
and our children and our progeny until they have judgment to be
like that. Work with that one and in Hamdu lillahi rabbil aalameen