Abdur Rahman ibn Yusuf Mangera – Q&A Session Practical Steps for a Healthy Marriage

Okay, so now you can have a few questions in sha Allah. Is it

permissible to remain married with the wife? Who doesn't practice

Islam?

Can the woman asked for a divorce because of this

is permissible to remain. Let's put it this way. It is not

necessary to divorce your wife just because she's not practicing.

Your responsibility is just to help her practice.

Write encouragement slowly, slowly. So sometimes what happens

is that husband wives, they get married, none of them are

practicing, and that's why they chose each other, and then one of

them becomes practicing. And then they want the other spouse to

change overnight. That's difficult to change overnight. Sometimes,

they have to have patience. But of course, if your marriage becomes

unlivable because of this, then you would have reasons to divorce

otherwise, generally you don't divorce the wife just because

she's not practicing.

Another question is what about if your parents tell you to divorce

your wife because she they don't like your they don't like your

wife? Should you divorce? What do you think?

Should you don't you have to listen to your parents?

You know, if there isn't your parents, generally.

And they don't like your wife, but she's fine with you and the

children Mashallah. So should you have to divorce

somebody came to Imam Muhammad, him no humble Rahima hula and said

that my father is saying I must divorce my wife. Should I do that?

So he said, No. He said, But Omar the Allahu Anhu instructed his son

to divorce his wife.

She said, Yes. You can't do that though. Until your father becomes

like Omar

says Your father is like Omar.

Radi Allahu Allah, he's very just and he knows why he's doing it,

then no, because your father could be doing it for other reasons.

Beginning of guidance is a very practical book to increase one

spirituality will this book be helpful in a marriage?

I believe that if you can become one of the benefits of reading the

beginning of guidance, is that it will make you closer to Allah. It

will make you start loving Allah more and doing more for him. And

when you do that, it removes your arrogance. It increases your trust

in Allah. It makes you more tolerant. It makes you more

patient. Alright, so when something does go wrong, you're

going to think well, Allah will give me a reward because of my

patience. So you can see how it's beneficial in that sense. It

improves your Eman. And if a person's Iman is improved, then

they're going to have more tolerance.

Can you recommend a worker which explains the rights of a husband

and the rights of the wife, the Father, the Son, that was the hub.

I don't know how useful those books are. Because marriage is not

about rights. Marriage is about making it work, and the sacrifice.

But there are some good books on this subject. And one of them is

by one of my teachers, Montana abdur-rahim Saab. He's written a

book called A gift of Nikka or something like that. And he's got

all of these categorizations in martial arts, a very useful book,

my book is going to be very different to that. Mine is not

going to be based on the fear of you know, this is why you're

farther than whatever some of it will be like mine is going to be

more practical pastoral advice based of the different stages of

marriage. Right, but a gift of Nikka you can probably find the on

his website of C rahimi.com or Rahimi publications or something

like that. I had a brief look at it. I received it recently. And

then I think Mufti Mohammed deals with a lot of that in his marriage

courses. I don't know if there's one online, and I don't know if

he's covered in his 40 collection of Hadith on that, I'm not sure.

But that would be a book that you can look out for now, at least.

Women can be very emotional from time to time. What how do men deal

with this? Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar.

Women, may Allah bless them, may Allah reward them. They go through

numerous hormonal changes. Numerous. I don't know what the

statistic is. But there's a huge statistic of women who suffer from

postnatal bleed, postnatal depression.

All right, not just that every month PMT premenstrual tension,

you will be wondering like, why is she acting like that? We were

completely fine yesterday today. She's so sensitive. And you're

like what's wrong? When you first you know, when you first get

married when you first experienced this, and then two days later,

she's perfect again.

And you have to realize that this is hormone this is what I believe

that how

All Hadees about crop driven, all of that comes in there, you're

gonna have to just be patient.

Whoever's asking this question, you're gonna have to be patient.

All right, because these are homology now what i

You could tell them to take evening primrose oil, there are

remedies for these kinds of hormonal imbalances. So for women,

they should own up to this. And they should try to get natural

therapies to try to help them control those emotions. But if a

woman is if a wife is trying, then the husband just needs to be more

patient with that.

This is the struggle of a marriage and that's why marriage is half of

your deen. By the way. If you didn't have to do all of these

struggles, and didn't have to learn patience and exercise,

patience and trust in Allah, marriage probably wouldn't have

been half of your faith. But the broader progress Allah license and

marriage is half of your faith, and this is what makes it half the

faith. If you're successful in this inshallah is successful in

the hereafter as well.

Even a Tamia Rahim Allah said that three taxes in one go says with

anger comes as one. We as Les Muslims are allowed to follow on

which days opinion even if it goes against them, which days malherbe.

You see, the thing is that the first person, when you trace this,

historically speaking, the first person to say this was even

Potamia. Before him none of the humbly said

none of the Hanafi is Madigan nobody said it. He is the first

one to publicly give this fatwa. There is an opinion that his

grandfather was the first to give a private fatwa on this.

Now, obviously, it's become more popular people are taking because

it's easy. But the format has they disagree with it.

Right, they disagree with it. Rather, I think we just need to

educate people too. Because giving more than one is a bit of a

anyway, at the end of the day, it's wrong to do so sinful to do

so anyway. So people should just stop doing that.

What is allowed and what is not allowed in the in the periods.

So I'll just read it to you.

In the in the period, it depends on the leader. If it's a

reconcilable in the way you can just get back together, as I

explained without having to marry, then the woman is actually

recommended to beautify herself and try to attract a husband.

So they don't have to have hijab in that case. But if it's an

irreconcilable divorce, like the elusive statement divorce or the

final divorce, then they have to stay in the same house. But they

there has to be a hijab observed, because they have to remarry to

get back together. The other thing is that a woman in that situation

is not allowed to use makeup. She is not allowed to beautify

yourself not allowed to wear flashy clothes, not allowed to

even go outside. unless absolutely necessary, you can consult a Mufti

in that. So that's generally the main, that's generally the main

obligation in this case.

The husband has to pay for her even during this time, even though

she's no longer his wife. But for those, that period of time, that

is the time he is still responsible for everything of us.

Unless she decides you don't want to stay with him and she goes off

which she will be sinful for doing so. But then he is not obliged to

then take care of any expenses. That's even in marriage. If a wife

refused stay with the husband says they're going to go to my dad's

house for for five days, sorry, for five weeks or whatever. He is

not obliged to pay anything in that time. Because the reason he

is obliged to pay is if she stays with him. And if he doesn't stay,

then he is not obliged to pay.

Why can't a woman utter a divorce? And how does a woman divorce her

husband? She's not allowed to utter a divorce. There's many

reasons for that Allah subhanaw taala only gave this right to men.

One of the reasons that some people mentioned is that it's

because women are generally more emotional than men. I know some

men are weird as well. Right? But majority of men are not like that.

But for women, they they in the emotional state, they may just

divorce that they're more likely to divorce us the divorce. But if

a woman is in a situation where she wants out, then she generally

goes and consults this.

What they call a judicial panel in a non Muslim country via judicial

panel in a Muslim country, be the judge and says, Look, I don't want

to stay with him because of x y&z reason, they will look into that

case. And they will they will say, okay, force the husband to give a

divorce. Or if he doesn't give them they will dilute the

marriage. Or they will say that, no, you don't have valid reasons

to do that. But then they would say the same thing to a husband

and they would tell him off if he divorced without a reason as well.

But we're living in a non Muslim country. So it's, there's nobody

to tell the husband off except the scholar in the masjid. And he

doesn't listen to him. If your husband tells his wife you are

divorced while there is a witness, but then goes back saying she made

me say

absolutely. If, if you're

a lot of husbands they say, Oh, she made me say it. So what it's

done now

Your it was up to you to say it, she wasn't going to kill you. And

even if somebody's going to kill you and you have to do there was

that will still be a divorce. Unless you write it, they won't be

divorced.

So if somebody is forcing you to divorce like a serious force, and

you write it, then that divorce doesn't occur, but if you say it

well, so you just say, Look, let me write it, then that divorce

won't occur. That's a loophole. But to say that my wife was

forcing me meaning she just kept saying she kept bothering me. She

kept nagging me, it's the divorce that

you just don't want to do divorce, believe me. You don't want to play

with it.

Okay, I think that's it. Anybody have any other questions? May

Allah give a healthy marriage