Abdur Rahman ibn Yusuf Mangera – Q&A Session Practical Steps for a Healthy Marriage
AI: Summary ©
The importance of practicing and learning in marriage is discussed, as it is crucial for personal development and finding a partner. The topic of marriage is discussed, including the struggles of women during the pandemic and the legal framework for marriage. The speakers emphasize the need for patient and trusting relationships, avoiding sexual embarrassment, and educating people on the topic. The speaker also addresses the issue of marriage being half of one's faith and how it is a fundamental part of Islam, and suggests that women may not want to play "one on one" or "one offs," but may still be able to do so if they force their spouse to divorce them.
AI: Summary ©
Okay, so now you can have a few questions in sha Allah. Is it
permissible to remain married with the wife? Who doesn't practice
Islam?
Can the woman asked for a divorce because of this
is permissible to remain. Let's put it this way. It is not
necessary to divorce your wife just because she's not practicing.
Your responsibility is just to help her practice.
Write encouragement slowly, slowly. So sometimes what happens
is that husband wives, they get married, none of them are
practicing, and that's why they chose each other, and then one of
them becomes practicing. And then they want the other spouse to
change overnight. That's difficult to change overnight. Sometimes,
they have to have patience. But of course, if your marriage becomes
unlivable because of this, then you would have reasons to divorce
otherwise, generally you don't divorce the wife just because
she's not practicing.
Another question is what about if your parents tell you to divorce
your wife because she they don't like your they don't like your
wife? Should you divorce? What do you think?
Should you don't you have to listen to your parents?
You know, if there isn't your parents, generally.
And they don't like your wife, but she's fine with you and the
children Mashallah. So should you have to divorce
somebody came to Imam Muhammad, him no humble Rahima hula and said
that my father is saying I must divorce my wife. Should I do that?
So he said, No. He said, But Omar the Allahu Anhu instructed his son
to divorce his wife.
She said, Yes. You can't do that though. Until your father becomes
like Omar
says Your father is like Omar.
Radi Allahu Allah, he's very just and he knows why he's doing it,
then no, because your father could be doing it for other reasons.
Beginning of guidance is a very practical book to increase one
spirituality will this book be helpful in a marriage?
I believe that if you can become one of the benefits of reading the
beginning of guidance, is that it will make you closer to Allah. It
will make you start loving Allah more and doing more for him. And
when you do that, it removes your arrogance. It increases your trust
in Allah. It makes you more tolerant. It makes you more
patient. Alright, so when something does go wrong, you're
going to think well, Allah will give me a reward because of my
patience. So you can see how it's beneficial in that sense. It
improves your Eman. And if a person's Iman is improved, then
they're going to have more tolerance.
Can you recommend a worker which explains the rights of a husband
and the rights of the wife, the Father, the Son, that was the hub.
I don't know how useful those books are. Because marriage is not
about rights. Marriage is about making it work, and the sacrifice.
But there are some good books on this subject. And one of them is
by one of my teachers, Montana abdur-rahim Saab. He's written a
book called A gift of Nikka or something like that. And he's got
all of these categorizations in martial arts, a very useful book,
my book is going to be very different to that. Mine is not
going to be based on the fear of you know, this is why you're
farther than whatever some of it will be like mine is going to be
more practical pastoral advice based of the different stages of
marriage. Right, but a gift of Nikka you can probably find the on
his website of C rahimi.com or Rahimi publications or something
like that. I had a brief look at it. I received it recently. And
then I think Mufti Mohammed deals with a lot of that in his marriage
courses. I don't know if there's one online, and I don't know if
he's covered in his 40 collection of Hadith on that, I'm not sure.
But that would be a book that you can look out for now, at least.
Women can be very emotional from time to time. What how do men deal
with this? Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar.
Women, may Allah bless them, may Allah reward them. They go through
numerous hormonal changes. Numerous. I don't know what the
statistic is. But there's a huge statistic of women who suffer from
postnatal bleed, postnatal depression.
All right, not just that every month PMT premenstrual tension,
you will be wondering like, why is she acting like that? We were
completely fine yesterday today. She's so sensitive. And you're
like what's wrong? When you first you know, when you first get
married when you first experienced this, and then two days later,
she's perfect again.
And you have to realize that this is hormone this is what I believe
that how
All Hadees about crop driven, all of that comes in there, you're
gonna have to just be patient.
Whoever's asking this question, you're gonna have to be patient.
All right, because these are homology now what i
You could tell them to take evening primrose oil, there are
remedies for these kinds of hormonal imbalances. So for women,
they should own up to this. And they should try to get natural
therapies to try to help them control those emotions. But if a
woman is if a wife is trying, then the husband just needs to be more
patient with that.
This is the struggle of a marriage and that's why marriage is half of
your deen. By the way. If you didn't have to do all of these
struggles, and didn't have to learn patience and exercise,
patience and trust in Allah, marriage probably wouldn't have
been half of your faith. But the broader progress Allah license and
marriage is half of your faith, and this is what makes it half the
faith. If you're successful in this inshallah is successful in
the hereafter as well.
Even a Tamia Rahim Allah said that three taxes in one go says with
anger comes as one. We as Les Muslims are allowed to follow on
which days opinion even if it goes against them, which days malherbe.
You see, the thing is that the first person, when you trace this,
historically speaking, the first person to say this was even
Potamia. Before him none of the humbly said
none of the Hanafi is Madigan nobody said it. He is the first
one to publicly give this fatwa. There is an opinion that his
grandfather was the first to give a private fatwa on this.
Now, obviously, it's become more popular people are taking because
it's easy. But the format has they disagree with it.
Right, they disagree with it. Rather, I think we just need to
educate people too. Because giving more than one is a bit of a
anyway, at the end of the day, it's wrong to do so sinful to do
so anyway. So people should just stop doing that.
What is allowed and what is not allowed in the in the periods.
So I'll just read it to you.
In the in the period, it depends on the leader. If it's a
reconcilable in the way you can just get back together, as I
explained without having to marry, then the woman is actually
recommended to beautify herself and try to attract a husband.
So they don't have to have hijab in that case. But if it's an
irreconcilable divorce, like the elusive statement divorce or the
final divorce, then they have to stay in the same house. But they
there has to be a hijab observed, because they have to remarry to
get back together. The other thing is that a woman in that situation
is not allowed to use makeup. She is not allowed to beautify
yourself not allowed to wear flashy clothes, not allowed to
even go outside. unless absolutely necessary, you can consult a Mufti
in that. So that's generally the main, that's generally the main
obligation in this case.
The husband has to pay for her even during this time, even though
she's no longer his wife. But for those, that period of time, that
is the time he is still responsible for everything of us.
Unless she decides you don't want to stay with him and she goes off
which she will be sinful for doing so. But then he is not obliged to
then take care of any expenses. That's even in marriage. If a wife
refused stay with the husband says they're going to go to my dad's
house for for five days, sorry, for five weeks or whatever. He is
not obliged to pay anything in that time. Because the reason he
is obliged to pay is if she stays with him. And if he doesn't stay,
then he is not obliged to pay.
Why can't a woman utter a divorce? And how does a woman divorce her
husband? She's not allowed to utter a divorce. There's many
reasons for that Allah subhanaw taala only gave this right to men.
One of the reasons that some people mentioned is that it's
because women are generally more emotional than men. I know some
men are weird as well. Right? But majority of men are not like that.
But for women, they they in the emotional state, they may just
divorce that they're more likely to divorce us the divorce. But if
a woman is in a situation where she wants out, then she generally
goes and consults this.
What they call a judicial panel in a non Muslim country via judicial
panel in a Muslim country, be the judge and says, Look, I don't want
to stay with him because of x y&z reason, they will look into that
case. And they will they will say, okay, force the husband to give a
divorce. Or if he doesn't give them they will dilute the
marriage. Or they will say that, no, you don't have valid reasons
to do that. But then they would say the same thing to a husband
and they would tell him off if he divorced without a reason as well.
But we're living in a non Muslim country. So it's, there's nobody
to tell the husband off except the scholar in the masjid. And he
doesn't listen to him. If your husband tells his wife you are
divorced while there is a witness, but then goes back saying she made
me say
absolutely. If, if you're
a lot of husbands they say, Oh, she made me say it. So what it's
done now
Your it was up to you to say it, she wasn't going to kill you. And
even if somebody's going to kill you and you have to do there was
that will still be a divorce. Unless you write it, they won't be
divorced.
So if somebody is forcing you to divorce like a serious force, and
you write it, then that divorce doesn't occur, but if you say it
well, so you just say, Look, let me write it, then that divorce
won't occur. That's a loophole. But to say that my wife was
forcing me meaning she just kept saying she kept bothering me. She
kept nagging me, it's the divorce that
you just don't want to do divorce, believe me. You don't want to play
with it.
Okay, I think that's it. Anybody have any other questions? May
Allah give a healthy marriage