Abdur Rahman ibn Yusuf Mangera – Q&A Building Love between Siblings

How to Increase love between siblings and what can we do as

parents to help? I think that's a good question. I think there's

certain things that you may be held to, and you have to do this

earlier on. If we have a rivalry, generally, what you'll see is that

parents, children are going to pick up from their parents, and

from the way parents deal with their children. So other children

are going to see that same relationship, and they're going to

emulate that same relationship. So in a lot of these conditions, if

the kids don't love one another, or we feel they don't, and they're

always at each other, well, maybe it's because of the way we're

speaking to each of the children. Because they're just reflecting

that. All right, most of the time, it's like that. So what we need to

do is we need to see and really scrutinize our own behavior, I

think that's really a big issue, we need to scrutinize our behavior

of how we look at children,

and how we interact with them. And I know we have to get angry

sometimes, and we have to have the you know, do a telling off and all

the rest of it. But that needs to be

whenever it's necessary. And that shouldn't be every day. If we've

already lowered our our admonishment level our correction

level that our first point, our first option is to shout, and not

to explain, then we've already lost the game, we've already lost

it always, when you're correcting somebody somebody does wrong is

you first try to explain to them nicely. If that doesn't work, in

most cases, if that stops working, then you have to go into a harsher

approach or a more strict approach.

Right. But if, with many parents, this is what happens that their

first approach is to shout.

So when we've done that already, they're probably going to do the

same with that. So then the other thing, then what we need to do is

to try to create is to help them share with one another. So if

you're gonna, if you're out with one of the children, they're

buying something, say, are you going to buy some for your brother

to get them to share? Then I think we need to also tell our children

that look, these are your brothers and sisters and if one does a good

act for the other, then promote that act

right to the others, then also tell them that we must have love

for one another never forsake your brother or sister. Right? Always

be at their side regardless of what happens even if you have a

problem once in a while, you must love one another because this is

what Allah has given you. So I think that kind of an approach

also. So we scrutinize ourself and see if our relationship with them

and our behavior towards them can improve because that will have a

reflection inshallah. And then of course encouraging it between them

as well.

And we ask Allah subhanaw taala to make our children and our spouses,

the gladness also gladness and delight for our eyes.