Abdur Rahman ibn Yusuf Mangera – #parenting How to Be a Fantastic Parent

Abdur Rahman ibn Yusuf Mangera
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AI: Summary ©

The speakers emphasize the challenges of parenting children, including mental health struggles and cultural differences, and stress the importance of praying for parents to be mindful of their children and avoid giving advice. They also emphasize the need for parents to be mindful of their children and their potential consequences, and the importance of finding cultural identities for their future and their potential consequences. They touch on issues in Muslim countries, including domestic abuse and domestic abuse, and emphasize the importance of learning to use a name for one's opinion and finding relevant ones for one's opinion in various contexts. There is a focus on learning to use a name for one's opinion and finding relevant ones for one's opinion in various contexts.

AI: Summary ©

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			Now that's our challenge in this
world and you know, parenting is
		
00:00:03 --> 00:00:09
			essentially to help our children
find their qualities and use them
		
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			correctly and find their
weaknesses and deal with them and
		
00:00:13 --> 00:00:17
			control them and channel them
properly. Now, that's one thing.
		
00:00:17 --> 00:00:20
			Okay, so we've got this theory of
qualities, capabilities and
		
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			weaknesses. qualities are not
always used. Well, if you've got
		
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			a Mufti or a university professor,
top of the game, very smart, high
		
00:00:34 --> 00:00:35
			IQ.
		
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			You also got another person with
the same IQ level, but he's gone
		
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			into scamming he's a top scammer.
		
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			You understand what? You know the
top criminals they're not idiots.
		
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			They're very intelligent. They've
just used their intelligence in
		
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			the wrong way.
		
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			hamdu Lillahi Rabbil Alameen
		
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			wa salatu salam ala Island Murthy
Ramadan and Eid Amin what are the
		
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			early or Safi although Rocco are
seldom at the Sleeman Kathira Illa
		
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			yo Medina mother.
		
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			So absolutely honored to be in
your midst.
		
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			But the problem is that my my job
has become a lot more difficult
		
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			with the presence of martial law,
a whole cross section of our
		
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			community.
		
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			So we have the elderly
		
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			martial law mashallah relaxing on
the walls.
		
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			And we have
		
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			middle aged people.
		
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			We have
		
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			young adults,
		
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			we have the youth, which is I
think that part is all relevant to
		
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			the topic. And then mashallah
you've decided to bring your
		
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			children along
		
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			for something to do about
parenting, Mashallah.
		
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			I don't know what you had in your
mind when you bring your children
		
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			along.
		
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			Unless they just gotta sit there
and just get bored. But it makes
		
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			my life difficult because, I mean,
I'm not trying to throw you out.
		
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			But it's just very difficult to
talk to four or five different
		
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			generations at one time and make
it relevant, and not put somebody
		
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			to sleep. But we pray to Allah
subhanaw taala to make it easy,
		
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			and let us begin. So as Monica
said, we have, I can't possibly
		
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			speak about everything, in the
hour or so with that we have that
		
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			is relevant.
		
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			Because parenting is literally the
most difficult thing. It's easier
		
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			to get a job than to parent
because even all the research in
		
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			parenting says that there is no
one
		
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			method that is effective.
		
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			Everybody does research, you know,
in all the universities and
		
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			elsewhere that they research, the
best way the scientific way of
		
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			parenting, there is no single way
of parenting that is effective. In
		
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			all cases, however, they've
probably excluded the Islamic
		
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			Guidance, the general Islamic
Guidance. Now in Islam, the way
		
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			Allah subhanaw taala guides us in
some cases, it gives us very
		
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			specific guidance. For example,
inheritance is very specifically
		
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			laid out in the Quran, this is how
much so and so gets this is, um,
		
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			it's so and so gets, this person
gets nothing. So it's very, very
		
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			clear.
		
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			But when it comes to, for example,
how to rule a country, how to have
		
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			a political system, there is no
one way mentioned. Likewise, how
		
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			to parent, there is no one
particular method that's mentioned
		
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			with everything related to it.
However, that doesn't mean we have
		
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			nothing. They Allah subhanho wa
Taala has provided us a much
		
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			better system because it is
difficult to have one system of
		
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			parenting, because we are from
different cultures and different
		
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			backgrounds, different
ethnicities. And not only that
		
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			every child including twins, you
know, if you know a set of twins,
		
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			you will notice that they're
actually both very different in
		
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			terms of their personality. Have
you ever seen twins and they're
		
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			both very different in terms of
it, but even though they were just
		
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			born literally a few minutes
apart, or if that much, and from
		
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			the same parents they've had the
same food, same nourishment, same
		
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			upbringing, but they they're very
different. And the reason for that
		
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			is very simple and keep this in
mind and inshallah if we can
		
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			understand this will benefit
ourselves and will benefit our
		
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			children as well. Is one of the
biggest
		
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			challenges of parenting is this
right? So Allah has created every
		
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			single person here, right? What's
your name?
		
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			Your name. You have a name right?
So what's your name? Your Amazon
		
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			who's a little brother
		
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			is
		
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			Tennis. So Ramadan aniseh Newer
		
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			alias mashallah so Arma then
Ilyas, and Anas de they and every
		
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			single one of us here is created
with a set of qualities,
		
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			capabilities.
		
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			And we've also been created with a
set of weaknesses and challenges.
		
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			Every single person here, every
single human being, Allah gives
		
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			qualities and capabilities. And
the successful people in this
		
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			world are those who recognize
their capabilities. So then they
		
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			use it to earn money to live life
to speak to people to make a home
		
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			for themselves and get through
life and think they're successful.
		
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			The successful people of this
world are those who recognize
		
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			their capabilities. Let's just see
if we have any capable if we have
		
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			any successful people. Yeah, how
many of us here think they're
		
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			successful? I'm gonna put my hand
up.
		
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			Let it not just be me, please.
		
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			Okay, Mashallah. Mashallah,
there's two people. So far, only
		
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			two people are successful three
Hamdulillah. I don't mean, you
		
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			become like Bill Gates. That's not
success. But what I mean by
		
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			success is Alhamdulillah, you're
doing fine. You got your house,
		
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			you got children, and is going by,
you know, with all the roughness
		
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			of the world, but he's going by,
and that's what I mean by success.
		
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			I mean, he's successful.
Otherwise, if you're not
		
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			successful, you're losers. Okay.
Okay, that's a lot more. So the
		
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			few that didn't put their hand up,
or are you losers, because that's
		
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			the opposite of being successful.
So those who don't recognize their
		
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			qualities and their capabilities,
whether you're good, you're good
		
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			with your hands, or your mind, or
with your action, whatever it may
		
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			be. You know, that's how people do
it. Now, while most people do
		
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			recognize their qualities, they
don't recognize their weaknesses,
		
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			so they keep stumbling. They keep
messing up, essentially, the most
		
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			successful person for this world
and the Hereafter is the one who
		
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			recognizes their qualities and
uses them what the qualities means
		
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			what you're good at.
		
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			And they recognize the weakness
and they control it. What do I
		
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			mean by weaknesses? So imagine
that you've got a family with
		
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			three or four brothers and
sisters, four or five children
		
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			say, every one of them will be
different, one of them will be
		
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			sharper than another one.
		
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			Right? The other one will be one
will be laid back, one will be
		
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			ready for a meeting, whereas the
other one will take five minutes
		
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			late. Okay, you can decide what
you are. Okay.
		
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			I'm not here to judge anybody. I'm
just saying this is the guy who's
		
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			sharp he may be he may get angry
quickly, and the other guy gets
		
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			angry, less. One of them is
willing to share his last suite,
		
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			and the other one is stingy. And
what do you mean? He's got a whole
		
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			packet? Which one are you?
		
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			Right, you understand everybody's
different. They come from the same
		
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			parents, but one of them will be
stingy than the other, they're a
		
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			bit more protective over their
assets. So everybody's different.
		
00:08:00 --> 00:08:03
			Now, that's our challenge in this
world. And you know, parenting is
		
00:08:03 --> 00:08:10
			essentially to help our children
find their qualities and use them
		
00:08:10 --> 00:08:13
			correctly, and find their
weaknesses and deal with them and
		
00:08:13 --> 00:08:17
			control them and channel them
properly. Now, that's one thing.
		
00:08:17 --> 00:08:20
			Okay, so we've got this theory of
qualities, capabilities and
		
00:08:20 --> 00:08:27
			weaknesses. qualities are not
always used. Well, if you've got
		
00:08:28 --> 00:08:34
			a Mufti or a university professor,
top of the game, very smart, high
		
00:08:34 --> 00:08:35
			IQ.
		
00:08:36 --> 00:08:40
			You also got another person with
the same IQ level, but he's gone
		
00:08:40 --> 00:08:42
			into scamming, he's a top scammer.
		
00:08:44 --> 00:08:47
			You understand what, you know the
top criminals, they're not idiots.
		
00:08:47 --> 00:08:51
			They're very intelligent. They've
just used their intelligence in
		
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			the wrong way. As I said scammers,
you understand what I'm saying. So
		
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			just because you've discovered
your quality doesn't mean you're
		
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			going to use it correctly. You
could use it in the wrong
		
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			right? For example, if Allah has
given you a lot of beauty or
		
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			handsomeness, and then you don't
thank Allah for your beauty or
		
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			your handsomeness. But what you do
is you use it in the wrong way to
		
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			basically do haram with then
that's wrong. Right? So that's why
		
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			it's very important that parenting
means that we first if parents
		
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			don't know how to figure out their
own qualities and capabilities and
		
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			their own weaknesses, how are they
going to find the in their
		
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			children? If they loses
themselves, then they're going to
		
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			make their children loses and then
unless they figure it out
		
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			themselves, so now the first our
first job as parents at wherever
		
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			we are now even if you've got
children who are 10 years old
		
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			already, let us figure out our
capabilities. And Alhamdulillah I
		
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			think most people have, as they
said, but have we figured out
		
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			our weaknesses, my weaknesses for
food, my weaknesses for sleep, so
		
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			I miss prayers, my weakness
		
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			is for something else I commit
haram, I fall into sin. Those are,
		
00:10:05 --> 00:10:08
			if we know our weakness, at least
we can start doing something about
		
00:10:08 --> 00:10:14
			it. And we can help our children
to understand their strengths and
		
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			their weaknesses. This is probably
the way to sum up parenting. Allah
		
00:10:19 --> 00:10:24
			has given us that job. And this is
like pruning you have if you're
		
00:10:24 --> 00:10:29
			into fall if you're into planting
good
		
00:10:30 --> 00:10:33
			fruits and trees and plants and
things like that, but you got to
		
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			Allah has given you a garden.
		
00:10:36 --> 00:10:42
			Now, you can let it overgrow. And
let let let basically the weeds
		
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			take over, and they grow as they
wish, or you can prune it and
		
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			clean it and do everything else
that you need to do to everything
		
00:10:50 --> 00:10:54
			takes time now children have been
given to us to prune properly and
		
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			not to be allowed to grow like
weeds.
		
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			Some people just make life easy.
They just take the grass off and
		
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			put artificial grass on.
		
00:11:04 --> 00:11:08
			It just makes life easy. Give them
an iPad, that's the cheapest
		
00:11:10 --> 00:11:13
			babysitting you can get the only
cost 200 pounds and it lasts for
		
00:11:13 --> 00:11:17
			like 234 years. And once the iPads
on there mashallah, they'll
		
00:11:17 --> 00:11:20
			entertain themselves forever, and
you can go and do whatever you
		
00:11:20 --> 00:11:21
			want to do.
		
00:11:22 --> 00:11:25
			That's like putting, you know, not
looking after the ground. So
		
00:11:25 --> 00:11:29
			anyway, as I said, I can't, the
variables are too much. That's why
		
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			they can't be one system. Because
every individual is different. And
		
00:11:34 --> 00:11:37
			as a parent, you have to be
different with all of your
		
00:11:37 --> 00:11:37
			children.
		
00:11:39 --> 00:11:45
			Each child is going to provide a
different challenge, and we have
		
00:11:45 --> 00:11:46
			to be adaptive.
		
00:11:47 --> 00:11:51
			Now, we can only be Allah has
given us the capability because if
		
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			parenting was so difficult that we
couldn't do it, then Allah's words
		
00:11:55 --> 00:11:58
			would have been wrong. Now you can
live Allahu nevsun Allah who's
		
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			Allah,
		
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			that Allah doesn't
		
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			make anybody accountable for what
they don't have the capability.
		
00:12:06 --> 00:12:10
			That's why people like scholars
like YBNL caveum Rahim, Allah said
		
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			that if ever a child goes wrong,
or does something wrong, at some
		
00:12:15 --> 00:12:19
			level, the parents are definitely
the ones responsible for it. I
		
00:12:19 --> 00:12:23
			can't blame the mothers for not
teaching well enough. Ultimately,
		
00:12:23 --> 00:12:26
			it's my responsibility, find a
better teacher, I can complain all
		
00:12:26 --> 00:12:29
			I like, but it's still my
responsibility. Let me find a
		
00:12:29 --> 00:12:30
			better teacher than
		
00:12:31 --> 00:12:32
			it's my responsibility.
		
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			So
		
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			one very important, very important
advice
		
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			is that we, our children need to
be able to discuss, we need to
		
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			know what's going on in the mind
of our children. They are ours.
		
00:12:51 --> 00:12:55
			That's our extended mind. It's who
we take pride in. We need to know
		
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			what they're speaking about what
they're thinking about what
		
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			they're being challenged by what
they can't know, we're not saying
		
00:13:01 --> 00:13:03
			get into their mind, right.
		
00:13:05 --> 00:13:09
			This isn't a series of inception.
Okay, for those who know
		
00:13:09 --> 00:13:09
			inception.
		
00:13:11 --> 00:13:14
			But what this is talking about is
that at any given time, we need to
		
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			understand where what our children
are doing. We need to be aware of
		
00:13:19 --> 00:13:23
			their friends, we need to aware of
their likes and dislikes, and
		
00:13:23 --> 00:13:27
			assist them in finding better
likes, and creating dislikes of
		
00:13:27 --> 00:13:31
			the right thing. And the phone is
what creates a massive challenge
		
00:13:31 --> 00:13:35
			in this regard, because it is the
biggest challenge. I think that
		
00:13:35 --> 00:13:37
			one of the biggest challenges that
we have is the phone, which we'll
		
00:13:37 --> 00:13:42
			discuss a bit later. But if the
most difficult children to parents
		
00:13:42 --> 00:13:44
			are the close books.
		
00:13:45 --> 00:13:47
			What I mean by close books is they
don't reveal anything.
		
00:13:49 --> 00:13:52
			They don't reveal anything. And
it's from my experience of dealing
		
00:13:52 --> 00:13:55
			with this is that it's too late by
the time you actually find out in
		
00:13:55 --> 00:14:00
			many cases. Three of them left
their faith in the last two years
		
00:14:00 --> 00:14:04
			closed books, said you didn't see
it coming? No, we didn't see
		
00:14:04 --> 00:14:08
			coming, it was just too late. So
if you do have a closed book
		
00:14:08 --> 00:14:09
			child, what do you do?
		
00:14:11 --> 00:14:14
			You're going to have to find some
way to open up the book. If you
		
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			can't do it, the reason you can't
do it is because there's become a
		
00:14:18 --> 00:14:22
			trust issue. They can't. They're
just naturally very introverted,
		
00:14:22 --> 00:14:26
			or very closed or reserved, or
very secretive, could be a
		
00:14:26 --> 00:14:30
			psychological problem based on
something with other either we
		
00:14:30 --> 00:14:32
			have to change ourselves in a way
that they open up because
		
00:14:32 --> 00:14:34
			ultimately they do open with
somebody or otherwise find
		
00:14:34 --> 00:14:35
			somebody that will open up to
		
00:14:37 --> 00:14:41
			find somebody else, like a brother
or sister or a friend and get them
		
00:14:41 --> 00:14:43
			in your contact and say, look,
please find out about this because
		
00:14:43 --> 00:14:48
			you'd rather do that than before
we lose them. So anyway, that's
		
00:14:48 --> 00:14:51
			what makes sense. So in sha Allah
will give you time to ask your
		
00:14:51 --> 00:14:54
			questions. So I've got some I've
got some
		
00:14:55 --> 00:14:59
			several bits of anecdotes, which
I'm going to share with you today.
		
00:15:00 --> 00:15:02
			To give us a general idea,
firstly,
		
00:15:04 --> 00:15:07
			some of us have not done it right
from the beginning. And then we
		
00:15:07 --> 00:15:12
			realize when it's a bit late or
when the going gets tough, the
		
00:15:12 --> 00:15:15
			best parenting is the one that's
from a young age, that's for sure.
		
00:15:15 --> 00:15:20
			Because then we grow together. And
the therapy is done in a way that
		
00:15:20 --> 00:15:25
			as they growing up, were looking
after them. The best time to raise
		
00:15:25 --> 00:15:28
			up a teenager, if we're talking
about teenagers was a decade ago,
		
00:15:29 --> 00:15:32
			that was the best time so that
when they're teens, you've already
		
00:15:32 --> 00:15:35
			given them the input that they
required, you've already helped
		
00:15:35 --> 00:15:41
			them find their qualities, and how
to use them and their weaknesses.
		
00:15:43 --> 00:15:47
			The second best time is today. So
we still have to do it, it's never
		
00:15:47 --> 00:15:49
			going to be not a responsibility.
		
00:15:50 --> 00:15:55
			Parenting cannot be left to a
chance. They're not like weeds or
		
00:15:55 --> 00:15:55
			children.
		
00:15:57 --> 00:16:00
			The gamble is too great, and the
stakes are very high.
		
00:16:01 --> 00:16:05
			Because then we've lost the part
of us. Unfortunately, what happens
		
00:16:05 --> 00:16:09
			is that parents usually acquire
their knowledge of how to parent
		
00:16:09 --> 00:16:14
			through trial and error. Gone are
the days when everybody of your
		
00:16:14 --> 00:16:18
			extended relatives lived in the
same area. And it was pretty
		
00:16:18 --> 00:16:21
			standard, there wasn't much
changing in the world, there was
		
00:16:21 --> 00:16:22
			no technology.
		
00:16:23 --> 00:16:26
			It was the same old community that
had been the same for a few 100
		
00:16:26 --> 00:16:30
			years. So everybody knew how it
was done. The children expected it
		
00:16:30 --> 00:16:32
			that way the parents knew exactly
what to do, the whole community
		
00:16:32 --> 00:16:36
			took part in the upbringing. But
now it's become very difficult.
		
00:16:37 --> 00:16:40
			Because there are just so many
different factors. So that's why
		
00:16:41 --> 00:16:45
			we have to adjust. It's such a
challenge that in his constant
		
00:16:45 --> 00:16:49
			attention every day is a new,
especially if you've not done it
		
00:16:49 --> 00:16:51
			right, then every day is a new
challenge, we've done it right,
		
00:16:51 --> 00:16:54
			then the new challenge will come
every few months, maybe they'll
		
00:16:54 --> 00:16:58
			always be a new challenge, we have
to be just ready to be flexible
		
00:16:58 --> 00:17:02
			and to adjust. One of the biggest
things that we can do for our
		
00:17:02 --> 00:17:05
			children is communication. The
benefit of communication is that
		
00:17:05 --> 00:17:08
			they know what we want. And
		
00:17:09 --> 00:17:14
			we know what they want. And what I
mean by communication is not
		
00:17:14 --> 00:17:19
			orders. Just do this, just do
that. Communication means an
		
00:17:19 --> 00:17:21
			explanation, a discussion of why
we do something.
		
00:17:23 --> 00:17:26
			Another thing that I want to bring
up is Gone are those days when the
		
00:17:26 --> 00:17:30
			whole community was one and we
brought it up. So what we've lost
		
00:17:30 --> 00:17:31
			is we've lost
		
00:17:33 --> 00:17:37
			a sense of community and
belonging. So every individual is
		
00:17:37 --> 00:17:41
			for themselves. Because this, we
call this individualism, which is
		
00:17:41 --> 00:17:46
			so difficult to find parents and
children who still think like,
		
00:17:47 --> 00:17:49
			parents could have a business, but
the children don't want to take
		
00:17:49 --> 00:17:52
			over that business unless they
just have to sit and collect
		
00:17:52 --> 00:17:55
			money, then it'd be cool. And then
they'll run it down the drain.
		
00:17:55 --> 00:17:58
			Right. But otherwise, it's so
difficult to get parents and
		
00:17:58 --> 00:18:02
			children to think like why because
there's massive cultural changes
		
00:18:02 --> 00:18:03
			that are taking place.
		
00:18:04 --> 00:18:08
			That's why parents have to upgrade
themselves and update themselves
		
00:18:08 --> 00:18:12
			to think on another level,
effective communication, there has
		
00:18:12 --> 00:18:15
			to be at least one parent in the
house that the children can come
		
00:18:15 --> 00:18:20
			and literally speak about anything
they want with, whether that be
		
00:18:20 --> 00:18:22
			homosexuality, it'd be
		
00:18:24 --> 00:18:30
			dysphoria of some sort, or gender
fluidity, or whatever else it may
		
00:18:30 --> 00:18:33
			be that somebody in school is
talking about, or somebody at home
		
00:18:33 --> 00:18:37
			is talking about. Because
remember, children are exposed to
		
00:18:37 --> 00:18:39
			the environment at school, they're
exposed to the environment
		
00:18:39 --> 00:18:42
			madressa, they're exposed to the
environment outside when they go
		
00:18:42 --> 00:18:44
			shopping, when they see
billboards, what their neighbors
		
00:18:44 --> 00:18:47
			are saying what the park, what the
people in the park are saying, The
		
00:18:47 --> 00:18:51
			home has to be the filter. If
there's no communication, and
		
00:18:51 --> 00:18:55
			there's no discourse, there's no
discussion, then you never know
		
00:18:55 --> 00:18:57
			what's going on. And then they are
good. They need answers to the
		
00:18:57 --> 00:18:58
			last somebody else.
		
00:19:00 --> 00:19:03
			So be open as open, at least one
of the parents need to be the
		
00:19:03 --> 00:19:07
			open. Now. One thing that our
culture deals with is that we've
		
00:19:07 --> 00:19:11
			got old practices that come from
the villages or wherever we came
		
00:19:11 --> 00:19:14
			from. And for some reason, we
think that they have to work right
		
00:19:14 --> 00:19:18
			now. That's how they used to do
it. Why can't you do it like that?
		
00:19:18 --> 00:19:21
			Is because things have changed
massively. It's just not possible.
		
00:19:22 --> 00:19:25
			The way the older generation
thinks and the way the younger
		
00:19:25 --> 00:19:27
			generation thing is to levels No,
but they should understand No,
		
00:19:27 --> 00:19:30
			they can't understand if you
wanted them to understand, you
		
00:19:30 --> 00:19:33
			should have left them in the
village and stayed there. Because
		
00:19:33 --> 00:19:37
			then everybody would have thought
the same. Maybe still because the
		
00:19:37 --> 00:19:39
			globalization is taken over
everywhere. You've brought them to
		
00:19:39 --> 00:19:42
			a different country, where, for
example, if you're from a Gujarati
		
00:19:42 --> 00:19:45
			background, not everybody's
Gujarati around you or not
		
00:19:45 --> 00:19:49
			everybody's Punjabi around you, or
Kashmiri or Bangladeshi, or
		
00:19:49 --> 00:19:52
			whatever it is, right. There's
different
		
00:19:53 --> 00:19:57
			things that you never heard of and
your children are going to be
		
00:19:57 --> 00:19:59
			exposed to it. The clothing
		
00:20:00 --> 00:20:04
			style is different right they much
rather have fish and chips than
		
00:20:04 --> 00:20:06
			they have funny booty
		
00:20:09 --> 00:20:11
			you know funny bodies
		
00:20:14 --> 00:20:17
			but I mean our Idris just said
there is like money booty man old
		
00:20:17 --> 00:20:21
			anytime or efficient ships what
what's you've already messed up
		
00:20:25 --> 00:20:28
			British culture very strong
mashallah fish and chips over pani
		
00:20:28 --> 00:20:29
			puri, Baba bhelpuri
		
00:20:31 --> 00:20:33
			these guys think what the heck is
built booty and pani puri? Like,
		
00:20:33 --> 00:20:35
			what is this kind of stuff?
		
00:20:36 --> 00:20:40
			So what I'm trying to say is that
things have changed. But some
		
00:20:40 --> 00:20:42
			people think they're still in a
village bringing up their
		
00:20:42 --> 00:20:45
			children, and then they lose their
children. They don't realize why
		
00:20:45 --> 00:20:49
			things have changed massively,
things have changed massively.
		
00:20:50 --> 00:20:54
			So new circumstances have emerged,
which require new and creative
		
00:20:54 --> 00:20:58
			treatments, and responses.
		
00:20:59 --> 00:21:00
			And that's difficult.
		
00:21:03 --> 00:21:05
			We have to bring our children up
		
00:21:06 --> 00:21:07
			to be
		
00:21:08 --> 00:21:12
			proper leaders. When I say
leaders, I don't mean leader of
		
00:21:12 --> 00:21:16
			the country, you can, but at least
leaders of their family, why why
		
00:21:16 --> 00:21:18
			what are we bringing up because
the biggest job we're doing with
		
00:21:18 --> 00:21:22
			our children is we're making them
into adults so that they can also
		
00:21:22 --> 00:21:26
			run a family. That means they've
got leadership. That's the
		
00:21:26 --> 00:21:28
			leadership, we need to tell them
you are gonna have to look after
		
00:21:28 --> 00:21:31
			your family. How many times that
we said that to our children.
		
00:21:32 --> 00:21:35
			Given the understanding, you know
what, you're going to be a father,
		
00:21:35 --> 00:21:38
			you're going to be a mother. And
these things are necessary.
		
00:21:40 --> 00:21:43
			We have to bring them up to
understand leadership. And for
		
00:21:43 --> 00:21:48
			leadership, we need traits, there
are leadership traits, right. And
		
00:21:48 --> 00:21:51
			what we mean by leadership is not
this ambitious hunt for power as
		
00:21:51 --> 00:21:56
			everybody's trying to do today,
but rather, developing people of
		
00:21:56 --> 00:22:03
			strength and courage, moral fiber,
good caliber, ethics and other
		
00:22:03 --> 00:22:07
			qualities so that they can become
active members of the society.
		
00:22:09 --> 00:22:14
			So as I was saying earlier, I, the
point I was trying to make is that
		
00:22:14 --> 00:22:18
			before, you would be concerned if
you did anything wrong, because
		
00:22:18 --> 00:22:20
			you felt that you were going to
take your family down with you.
		
00:22:21 --> 00:22:24
			Like if you did something wrong,
if I did something wrong, I would
		
00:22:24 --> 00:22:29
			be concerned that the Mangueira
name would be criticized. It would
		
00:22:29 --> 00:22:32
			be blemished. Nobody cares about
that anymore.
		
00:22:33 --> 00:22:36
			There's no sense of pride of your
family.
		
00:22:37 --> 00:22:41
			As I said, Nobody thinks are like
children, parents. What we have to
		
00:22:41 --> 00:22:44
			do we really have to bring this
back end as best as we can. So you
		
00:22:44 --> 00:22:48
			tell your children that why you
can't do that is you're a
		
00:22:48 --> 00:22:53
			Mangueira you can't do that.
Right, your hand hands don't do
		
00:22:53 --> 00:22:57
			that kind of stuff. You give them
a sense of greater pride.
		
00:22:58 --> 00:23:02
			You're a Roger, you can't do that.
You know, you are
		
00:23:03 --> 00:23:06
			early by your number Patel's. I
mean, they're too big. So I know
		
00:23:06 --> 00:23:09
			you can say Patel's, but you can
say your Patel.
		
00:23:10 --> 00:23:14
			Manga is cool in it. Yeah. He's my
relatives, my dad's cousin,
		
00:23:14 --> 00:23:17
			brother. But for some reason he
became a paternal
		
00:23:18 --> 00:23:23
			if we give that or we are Muslims,
we don't do that. That's really
		
00:23:23 --> 00:23:25
			amazing. You know why? When they
go out and there's somebody is
		
00:23:25 --> 00:23:29
			going to give them a possible
haram option. I'm not Muslim, I
		
00:23:29 --> 00:23:33
			don't do that. So Muslims don't do
this. It's a bigger idea than I
		
00:23:33 --> 00:23:35
			can't do this because my dad said
so.
		
00:23:36 --> 00:23:39
			Yes, it's because my dad said so.
But it's also because Muslims
		
00:23:39 --> 00:23:43
			don't do this, you, you're adding
a whole weight. Like if you're
		
00:23:43 --> 00:23:47
			talking Muslims don't do that.
That's a much more important idea.
		
00:23:47 --> 00:23:52
			So give them that glory of being
proud of who you are because of
		
00:23:52 --> 00:23:54
			good qualities. Really, that's
what we need to do.
		
00:23:56 --> 00:23:59
			Another thing just random while
I'm on this topic. Many of us want
		
00:23:59 --> 00:24:03
			our children to be certain in a
certain vocation and say we want
		
00:24:03 --> 00:24:09
			them to be a doctor or an
architect, or a Molana. Right? Or
		
00:24:09 --> 00:24:13
			a Mufti sob, or whatever it is,
and that's fine. But don't tell
		
00:24:13 --> 00:24:18
			that that's why that's your end
goal. The end goal of a Molana is
		
00:24:18 --> 00:24:19
			not to be a Maulana.
		
00:24:20 --> 00:24:25
			The end goal of an architect or a
doctor just to be a doctor to make
		
00:24:25 --> 00:24:30
			a lot of money and buy a house in
wherever and so on. That's too
		
00:24:30 --> 00:24:34
			reductionist and too restrictive
and too lowly. You know, you
		
00:24:34 --> 00:24:38
			should tell them, I want you to
change the world. I want you to be
		
00:24:38 --> 00:24:41
			a positive contributor to the
world, you're going to become a
		
00:24:41 --> 00:24:47
			doctor. So being a doctor is part
of this greater idea of helping
		
00:24:47 --> 00:24:52
			people changing humanity, being
positive, being a contributor,
		
00:24:52 --> 00:24:54
			rather than a selfish doctor.
		
00:24:57 --> 00:24:59
			You're still going to become a
doctor. You're still getting them
		
00:24:59 --> 00:24:59
			to
		
00:25:00 --> 00:25:03
			Become an acronym. But the reason
they're going to do that is not
		
00:25:03 --> 00:25:06
			for a name. They're going to do it
for a higher purpose.
		
00:25:07 --> 00:25:12
			It's just about changing mentality
to have greater ideas. And it's
		
00:25:12 --> 00:25:15
			not difficult to do.
Unfortunately, our homes have, in
		
00:25:15 --> 00:25:19
			some cases have degenerated to the
level of being a hotel and a
		
00:25:19 --> 00:25:22
			restaurant where you get free food
and freeboard.
		
00:25:23 --> 00:25:28
			The father's like that he's
working works many hours. And then
		
00:25:28 --> 00:25:32
			after that, he goes to maybe a
shisha lounge or his friends or
		
00:25:32 --> 00:25:35
			gets holed up in his room in a
laptop. And then the food is there
		
00:25:35 --> 00:25:39
			comes to sleep. There's no
interaction. That's not what a
		
00:25:39 --> 00:25:42
			home is, is a poor guy is 30 years
old. And he's trying to refine
		
00:25:42 --> 00:25:47
			himself. He says, you know, I'm so
so sad because my family, my mom
		
00:25:47 --> 00:25:49
			makes this big pot of food. But
we've never sat together and
		
00:25:49 --> 00:25:52
			eaten. What do you mean, there's
new mom cooks in the know, she
		
00:25:52 --> 00:25:56
			cooks, she puts a pot of food on
the stove, we all come in and take
		
00:25:56 --> 00:25:58
			whatever we want, whenever we
want. And we eat or we go like,
		
00:25:59 --> 00:26:03
			like, what they call a buffet
system. And he feels bad about
		
00:26:03 --> 00:26:07
			he's 30 years old, he's married
now. He he feels a sense of
		
00:26:07 --> 00:26:11
			deprivation. Because something
eating together, up to a more
		
00:26:11 --> 00:26:15
			time. And the Prophet saw some
even ate with children together.
		
00:26:15 --> 00:26:19
			There's something about it,
there's ideas are exchanged in
		
00:26:19 --> 00:26:23
			eating food, opens up the mind,
food opens up the heart. And
		
00:26:23 --> 00:26:26
			there's just something about food.
So use that time use your food
		
00:26:26 --> 00:26:27
			time to discuss.
		
00:26:29 --> 00:26:33
			And, you know, while as difficult
as it is, for me, it's easier for
		
00:26:33 --> 00:26:37
			my wife to ask how the day was for
the children. But after I realized
		
00:26:37 --> 00:26:39
			I actually said like, Okay, how
was it whenever I can, it sounds
		
00:26:39 --> 00:26:43
			weird. We're not used to it. And
that's the challenge for a lot of
		
00:26:43 --> 00:26:45
			men that they're not used to
asking these questions. No, like,
		
00:26:45 --> 00:26:48
			you have to force it. While in the
same thing people say that you a
		
00:26:48 --> 00:26:52
			father should become become a
friend. A father is never a
		
00:26:52 --> 00:26:56
			friend, meaning a friend is a
different idea completely. Because
		
00:26:56 --> 00:26:59
			for a friend, you have to do what
they do all the time. Right? So
		
00:26:59 --> 00:27:02
			you're still a father, but you're
friendly to your children. That's
		
00:27:02 --> 00:27:05
			what I would rather push that
you're a father, you're always a
		
00:27:05 --> 00:27:09
			father. You're never forget that
but you can be friendly. And
		
00:27:09 --> 00:27:12
			that's the amazing thing is that
one of the challenges that the
		
00:27:12 --> 00:27:17
			very religious have, right is that
they think that keeping an iron
		
00:27:17 --> 00:27:22
			clad instruction and order and
making sure that discipline is
		
00:27:22 --> 00:27:26
			well maintained and overly
maintain that nobody can do
		
00:27:26 --> 00:27:30
			anything wrong. That doesn't work.
That usually backfires, because
		
00:27:30 --> 00:27:34
			then it's a rigid system at home.
It's okay if they're going to
		
00:27:34 --> 00:27:37
			school and that might be the case
even that's bad, but at home,
		
00:27:37 --> 00:27:40
			where you're spending so many
hours of the day, how can you be
		
00:27:40 --> 00:27:44
			so rigid? The prophets Allah Islam
himself wasn't like that. The
		
00:27:44 --> 00:27:47
			Allah says hello Quinta for the
unreliable pal bill and fog doom
		
00:27:47 --> 00:27:48
			in Holic?
		
00:27:50 --> 00:27:54
			That one home was still filled at
home, or shall we room filled the
		
00:27:54 --> 00:27:58
			province that also has been told
to inter Firstly, he was commended
		
00:27:58 --> 00:28:03
			and complimented that had you been
tough and harsh, then the Sahaba
		
00:28:03 --> 00:28:04
			would have
		
00:28:05 --> 00:28:08
			scattered they would they would
have dispersed they would not have
		
00:28:08 --> 00:28:11
			remained with you. Then still
Allah subhanaw taala is saying
		
00:28:11 --> 00:28:13
			look, forgive them be pardoning,
be forgiving,
		
00:28:14 --> 00:28:18
			and seek forgiveness for them and
consult with them.
		
00:28:19 --> 00:28:22
			If we consult with our children to
a certain degree, they'll actually
		
00:28:22 --> 00:28:24
			feel they're valuable.
		
00:28:25 --> 00:28:29
			Right? We consult with them, we
have a an so what I would do is I
		
00:28:29 --> 00:28:32
			say, Look, I'm saying this, but
you convince me otherwise, if you
		
00:28:32 --> 00:28:36
			want to do it another way. It
doesn't always go down perfectly,
		
00:28:36 --> 00:28:37
			because sometimes
		
00:28:38 --> 00:28:41
			I said children are different. So
you'd have one child who gets very
		
00:28:41 --> 00:28:43
			angry every time to get off the
computer.
		
00:28:44 --> 00:28:48
			And he will see no sense you can
give whatever beautiful argument
		
00:28:48 --> 00:28:52
			you want about why he should get
off the computer. But for that
		
00:28:52 --> 00:28:56
			five minutes, he's so crazy that
Junoon the insanity is gone to a
		
00:28:56 --> 00:28:58
			level that it doesn't understand
anything, you'll come up with the
		
00:28:58 --> 00:29:02
			craziest responses, give him five
minutes, and then talk to him
		
00:29:02 --> 00:29:03
			afterwards. Like oh, yeah, I get
that.
		
00:29:05 --> 00:29:09
			We have to recognize our children
as to how they are. And then you
		
00:29:09 --> 00:29:12
			get some children, if they get
angry, they go off in a stroke for
		
00:29:12 --> 00:29:15
			five hours. You have to know how
to deal with that. And that's the
		
00:29:15 --> 00:29:16
			same family, you'll get that.
		
00:29:18 --> 00:29:21
			How do we deal with that? Well,
both we're gonna have to deal with
		
00:29:21 --> 00:29:21
			them differently.
		
00:29:22 --> 00:29:26
			I just mentioned other places one
guy, he's has a lot of OCD
		
00:29:26 --> 00:29:30
			problems about whether he's done
Cofer or not by certain things you
		
00:29:30 --> 00:29:32
			say whether his marriage is
correct or not and stuff like
		
00:29:32 --> 00:29:35
			that. So I've dealt with quite a
few people like that one of them
		
00:29:35 --> 00:29:38
			told me that I think I might be
like that because my dad was so
		
00:29:38 --> 00:29:41
			strict, that if I like drop
something or get in massive
		
00:29:41 --> 00:29:42
			trouble,
		
00:29:43 --> 00:29:46
			right, for example, you know, when
you have cereal, have you noticed
		
00:29:46 --> 00:29:50
			is that sometimes the way you pour
the milk and if it falls directly
		
00:29:50 --> 00:29:54
			on the cornflakes, it spills out,
it rebounds and so have you
		
00:29:54 --> 00:29:56
			noticed that you have to be very
careful now as adults, you kind of
		
00:29:56 --> 00:29:59
			figured out let me do it from the
side or whatever the kid is always
		
00:29:59 --> 00:30:00
			doing
		
00:30:00 --> 00:30:02
			And I was like telling her like,
why are you dropping the milk all
		
00:30:02 --> 00:30:02
			the time?
		
00:30:03 --> 00:30:07
			I can keep saying that all my life
don't drop the milk. But the
		
00:30:07 --> 00:30:10
			reason I don't drop it, and he
does, because I know strategy that
		
00:30:10 --> 00:30:13
			you do it this way instead. So
then what you say to them is,
		
00:30:13 --> 00:30:16
			look, you know, the reason you're
dropping is because the milk comes
		
00:30:16 --> 00:30:18
			out a bit too fast, it's quite
heavy, right? And you have to
		
00:30:18 --> 00:30:22
			control it. And then when it falls
on this flat surface actually
		
00:30:22 --> 00:30:25
			rebounds. So what you do is kind
of, you know, tilt the bowl
		
00:30:25 --> 00:30:28
			slightly and do it to the side so
that it doesn't, you know, like,
		
00:30:28 --> 00:30:32
			how do you fill a glass of fizzy
drink without the fists going
		
00:30:32 --> 00:30:33
			over? And only a bit of drink?
		
00:30:35 --> 00:30:36
			Just tell them strategy
		
00:30:37 --> 00:30:41
			you got no time for strategy to do
is like, don't do that. Figure it
		
00:30:41 --> 00:30:45
			out yourself. I know, I'm 40 years
old. So I figured out but you are
		
00:30:45 --> 00:30:49
			seven you need to figure it out.
It's not worth it. Just teach it
		
00:30:49 --> 00:30:52
			to them. So can you pour a cereal
without dropping the milk?
		
00:30:55 --> 00:30:59
			What I'm saying is just think
about it. Like, what is it? Why is
		
00:30:59 --> 00:31:01
			he pouring it? Does he want to
pour it? Is he?
		
00:31:02 --> 00:31:07
			Is he losing things because of and
some some, some are just more
		
00:31:07 --> 00:31:09
			scatterbrained than others. So
it's just about trying to teach
		
00:31:09 --> 00:31:13
			them strategy. Somehow we have to
get our children to ultimately
		
00:31:13 --> 00:31:18
			believe that we will be for them,
regardless of the situation. If
		
00:31:18 --> 00:31:22
			they're done wrong, they might
have to hear something. But
		
00:31:22 --> 00:31:26
			ultimately you are you love them,
and you will respond to them.
		
00:31:27 --> 00:31:30
			And you're dependable. And
ultimately you can provide an
		
00:31:30 --> 00:31:34
			answer. We can only become like
that if we're going to be creative
		
00:31:34 --> 00:31:37
			in providing multiple types of
answers. But if it's going to be
		
00:31:37 --> 00:31:40
			the same ones that they know, then
they're never going to tell us.
		
00:31:42 --> 00:31:45
			For example, this children, they
wet their bed until they're
		
00:31:45 --> 00:31:46
			789 1011 years old.
		
00:31:48 --> 00:31:52
			And unless you recognize so I know
one person they said they didn't
		
00:31:52 --> 00:31:56
			use to turn them off too much. So
somebody else why not? I mean,
		
00:31:56 --> 00:31:59
			shouldn't you be there 910 years
old is still wetting the bed.
		
00:32:01 --> 00:32:02
			They figured out that they have a
weak bladder,
		
00:32:04 --> 00:32:07
			or they have some other issue
could be a medical issue. And
		
00:32:07 --> 00:32:10
			you'll keep banging on about it
every time. Even though you've
		
00:32:10 --> 00:32:12
			done it for the last five years.
It hasn't improved. So why tell
		
00:32:12 --> 00:32:17
			him off in the same way? Is it
worth it? No, this, find out what
		
00:32:17 --> 00:32:20
			the issue is there could be other
reasons and causes a kids I'm not
		
00:32:20 --> 00:32:22
			giving you the right to get your
bed.
		
00:32:23 --> 00:32:24
			Okay.
		
00:32:25 --> 00:32:28
			But what I'm saying is try to
understand why they're doing what
		
00:32:28 --> 00:32:30
			they're doing, rather than keep
telling them to do it this way.
		
00:32:32 --> 00:32:36
			So we have to put a lot of time
and money and effort in our
		
00:32:36 --> 00:32:38
			children because that is our
investment.
		
00:32:41 --> 00:32:43
			Most parents don't take courses
		
00:32:44 --> 00:32:48
			of parenting. In fact, is there
even a course in parenting?
		
00:32:49 --> 00:32:52
			Have you ever heard of a course of
parenting? There's not that many
		
00:32:52 --> 00:32:55
			available? I mean, there's very
few if there are, and most parents
		
00:32:55 --> 00:32:59
			don't, because historically, we
didn't need to do so. I mean,
		
00:32:59 --> 00:33:02
			where do you find in the Sunnah
that the Prophet saw some set up a
		
00:33:02 --> 00:33:07
			course on parenting or even later
on, even 50 years ago. But why
		
00:33:07 --> 00:33:10
			it's become necessary now is
because of the confusion, the
		
00:33:10 --> 00:33:13
			breakdown of family structure and
communities. And everybody
		
00:33:13 --> 00:33:17
			scattered. And everybody is
getting independent knowledge from
		
00:33:17 --> 00:33:20
			the various different things that
they observe on TV and social
		
00:33:20 --> 00:33:24
			media and so on. That's why it's,
I mean, a soap opera or Netflix
		
00:33:24 --> 00:33:28
			can't tell you how to bring your
children up. That's just glamorize
		
00:33:28 --> 00:33:30
			sagas, that's
		
00:33:31 --> 00:33:36
			controversial, you know, extra
ordinary ideas that they do just
		
00:33:36 --> 00:33:39
			to make people interested. That's
not real life. That's why
		
00:33:39 --> 00:33:41
			parenting becomes necessary.
Otherwise, what's gonna happen is
		
00:33:41 --> 00:33:45
			that you do it on trial and error.
And then you mess up your first
		
00:33:45 --> 00:33:47
			two kids, and then you might be
fine with your third kid, but
		
00:33:47 --> 00:33:49
			you've already missed that one or
two kids, and you may have harmed
		
00:33:49 --> 00:33:52
			them beyond, you know, beyond
repair.
		
00:33:54 --> 00:33:58
			That's why it's important to
figure this out. So we've got some
		
00:33:58 --> 00:34:04
			parents, they rely solely on the
instinct and common sense. Problem
		
00:34:04 --> 00:34:06
			is that it's a bigger challenge
and common sense, because common
		
00:34:06 --> 00:34:09
			sense is based on our own
experiences. We don't know the
		
00:34:09 --> 00:34:13
			future. We don't know if
especially if it's our first
		
00:34:13 --> 00:34:15
			child, we don't know that if I
tell them off too much in this, is
		
00:34:15 --> 00:34:16
			that right or wrong?
		
00:34:18 --> 00:34:20
			So you know, what's really
beneficial? I think what's really
		
00:34:20 --> 00:34:22
			beneficial is to have a
		
00:34:23 --> 00:34:31
			collection, a group of genuine
sincere friends, who all have
		
00:34:31 --> 00:34:35
			children, your age, your
children's age, and share good
		
00:34:35 --> 00:34:36
			practices.
		
00:34:37 --> 00:34:40
			If you can't find a good because
no course is going to provide you
		
00:34:40 --> 00:34:42
			everything. It's going to give you
general ideas like I'm giving
		
00:34:42 --> 00:34:46
			here, but at least in that way,
okay. My daughter, she's got this
		
00:34:46 --> 00:34:49
			issue. Yes, don't worry. I had the
issue a year ago, but inshallah
		
00:34:49 --> 00:34:53
			it'll be fine. You know, because
children go through things. For
		
00:34:53 --> 00:34:54
			example, as
		
00:34:56 --> 00:34:59
			young teens are growing up,
they're discovering
		
00:35:00 --> 00:35:05
			for various different things about
their body, their mind that when
		
00:35:05 --> 00:35:10
			they shift when they become burly,
and they shift between being still
		
00:35:10 --> 00:35:15
			a child and no care for the
future, to suddenly they're more
		
00:35:15 --> 00:35:18
			aware of their looks, of what
other people are going to think
		
00:35:18 --> 00:35:23
			about them, about finding friends,
and so on. It's a very, very, very
		
00:35:23 --> 00:35:28
			tough time. Now, as parents, we
need to tell them this is going to
		
00:35:28 --> 00:35:33
			happen. Don't worry about it. We
have to reassure them preempted.
		
00:35:34 --> 00:35:37
			It says we've had it so long ago,
we don't even remember and we just
		
00:35:37 --> 00:35:40
			expect them that nobody told us so
we shouldn't tell them. Problem is
		
00:35:40 --> 00:35:43
			that the world is a very nasty
place right now for that, because
		
00:35:43 --> 00:35:47
			one in four teenage girls have a
mental health problem.
		
00:35:48 --> 00:35:54
			Standard one in four girls have a
have a mental health problem. Why?
		
00:35:54 --> 00:35:58
			Because the world is putting out
to them a role model that they
		
00:35:58 --> 00:36:02
			can't follow that they want
themselves, they have to look a
		
00:36:02 --> 00:36:06
			certain way, smell a certain way,
be a certain way, and get certain
		
00:36:06 --> 00:36:10
			things a certain way, and they
can't do it, it's too much. So
		
00:36:10 --> 00:36:12
			then they become mentally
depressed.
		
00:36:15 --> 00:36:18
			So there's some common sense,
which is usually outdated, because
		
00:36:18 --> 00:36:23
			when they were parented, it was a
different world. If you're about
		
00:36:23 --> 00:36:26
			40, when you are parented, or 50,
when you are parented is very
		
00:36:26 --> 00:36:30
			different from now. The world has
shifted, like everything has
		
00:36:30 --> 00:36:36
			moved. So a lot of the stuff that
some parents do, it's outdated.
		
00:36:36 --> 00:36:38
			It's no longer for this culture
anymore.
		
00:36:39 --> 00:36:42
			They inherited from the
inheritors, and they have this
		
00:36:42 --> 00:36:47
			romanticized memory about it.
That's how it used to be
		
00:36:47 --> 00:36:50
			unfortunately, you know, it's not
like that anymore. Right? So then,
		
00:36:51 --> 00:36:54
			they don't realize that parenting
now has a different cultural
		
00:36:54 --> 00:36:57
			meaning. There's others who
completely have taken up the
		
00:36:57 --> 00:36:59
			Western way of doing things, which
is very different that they expect
		
00:36:59 --> 00:37:03
			that the child is going to leave
home at 18. Muslims don't do that,
		
00:37:03 --> 00:37:04
			usually, right.
		
00:37:06 --> 00:37:10
			Some parents, they tried to
fulfill their own unfulfilled
		
00:37:10 --> 00:37:12
			unfulfilled wishes through their
children.
		
00:37:13 --> 00:37:17
			I couldn't be this, you better be
this but the children don't want
		
00:37:17 --> 00:37:22
			to be that. May Dr. inhibin,
Sikka, aka Dr. Banana, come
		
00:37:22 --> 00:37:24
			whatever, and you don't want to be
a doctor.
		
00:37:26 --> 00:37:27
			And your parents are going to be
really upset.
		
00:37:29 --> 00:37:33
			For example, right? It doesn't
always work. You can't always
		
00:37:33 --> 00:37:38
			fulfill your personal wishes or
what you could have done. If you
		
00:37:38 --> 00:37:40
			do, you're gonna have to work
really hard from a young age. I
		
00:37:40 --> 00:37:44
			have to mention this, that there's
some cultures. They wake up when
		
00:37:44 --> 00:37:49
			their children are marriageable
age, marriageable age at 2122 23
		
00:37:49 --> 00:37:52
			and says no, oh, you have to marry
your cousin.
		
00:37:53 --> 00:37:56
			What do you mean I have to marry
my cousin, unlike my cousin.
		
00:37:58 --> 00:38:03
			But I promised you to his father
and mother 20 years ago.
		
00:38:04 --> 00:38:08
			In some cultures, this is
literally what it is. Right? This
		
00:38:08 --> 00:38:10
			is literally what it is. And
hamdulillah Gujarati culture has
		
00:38:10 --> 00:38:13
			other issues didn't have this
issue. Hamdulillah. You never
		
00:38:13 --> 00:38:16
			promised to anybody? I hope not
anyway. Right.
		
00:38:18 --> 00:38:22
			And it's a really bad people have
lost the Eman because of this.
		
00:38:22 --> 00:38:25
			Because the parents usually say
you have to listen to your
		
00:38:25 --> 00:38:29
			parents. Allah said that's the
only way they bring a line. namaz
		
00:38:29 --> 00:38:32
			and all of that. It's out of the
window. But this is where you have
		
00:38:32 --> 00:38:34
			to listen to your parents.
		
00:38:35 --> 00:38:39
			I've seen blackmail. This poor
girl, she got forced to marry
		
00:38:39 --> 00:38:43
			somebody. And her she didn't want
to marry him because they were no
		
00:38:43 --> 00:38:48
			compatibility. But the reason she
got blackmailed into it was that
		
00:38:48 --> 00:38:51
			her father was sick at the time.
And I said, Look, if your father
		
00:38:51 --> 00:38:53
			has a heart attack, it's all going
to come on you.
		
00:38:55 --> 00:38:59
			And then then she had one child,
and she used to go to a Mom, look,
		
00:38:59 --> 00:39:03
			it doesn't this guy's a loser. It
just just wasn't working. Mum said
		
00:39:03 --> 00:39:09
			have a child, then he'll wake up,
had one child is still slept. And
		
00:39:09 --> 00:39:12
			then goes back, have another
child. Three children, no change.
		
00:39:12 --> 00:39:14
			And finally she got out of the
marriage.
		
00:39:17 --> 00:39:20
			And some have lost their faith.
One woman she was talking she
		
00:39:20 --> 00:39:25
			called and she had a masala a
question. Right? Very specific
		
00:39:25 --> 00:39:29
			question that only somebody who's
focused on their faith would ask,
		
00:39:29 --> 00:39:33
			like, does this breaker NAMAs for
example, I did this does it break
		
00:39:33 --> 00:39:34
			in? Am I correct? Well, the
question was,
		
00:39:35 --> 00:39:37
			and then as we carried on
speaking, she said she's married
		
00:39:37 --> 00:39:39
			to a non Muslim man.
		
00:39:40 --> 00:39:43
			That didn't sound right because
that seemed contrary that she's
		
00:39:43 --> 00:39:47
			asking a very specific masala
ruling. But she's doing such a big
		
00:39:47 --> 00:39:49
			thing as being married to a non
Muslim man. I said, What's going
		
00:39:49 --> 00:39:54
			on here? So she said, yeah, about
2030 25 years ago, she was 40
		
00:39:54 --> 00:39:57
			years old. So about 2530 years
ago, I was forced into marriage
		
00:39:58 --> 00:39:59
			and you
		
00:40:00 --> 00:40:03
			Pretty much I lost I left it, I
left my faith, whatever I got
		
00:40:03 --> 00:40:05
			married to normalcy, but now I'm
coming back. And I realized that
		
00:40:05 --> 00:40:07
			that wasn't Islamic that was
cultural.
		
00:40:09 --> 00:40:12
			So one has to be very careful
about these things. When parents
		
00:40:12 --> 00:40:15
			have lack of time, because you see
if there's so much distraction in
		
00:40:15 --> 00:40:17
			the world, parents are going to be
distracted as well. You've got
		
00:40:17 --> 00:40:21
			your football to watch. Before you
can only watch football whenever
		
00:40:21 --> 00:40:24
			the game was on. But now you can
mashallah watch whatever you want,
		
00:40:24 --> 00:40:29
			anytime, the highlights, you know,
every day, five hours a day, no
		
00:40:29 --> 00:40:31
			problem, because it's always
something available, right?
		
00:40:31 --> 00:40:35
			Because it's all on demand now. So
everybody has that. So what we're
		
00:40:35 --> 00:40:39
			doing is we're delegating our
parenting to babysitters to a
		
00:40:39 --> 00:40:43
			machine to an iPad or something
like that, or school teachers or
		
00:40:43 --> 00:40:44
			relatives or television or
computer games.
		
00:40:45 --> 00:40:49
			They can play a bit of that, but
that should not be the easiest
		
00:40:49 --> 00:40:51
			way. It's alright, they'll be on
the computer, don't worry about
		
00:40:51 --> 00:40:51
			it.
		
00:40:54 --> 00:40:56
			There are different types of
parenting things. One is
		
00:40:56 --> 00:41:00
			authoritarian. Everything has to
be regimented as though you're in
		
00:41:00 --> 00:41:05
			the army, nothing can be off.
That's very difficult. You're
		
00:41:05 --> 00:41:10
			going to create kids that are like
obsessed. OCD doesn't always work.
		
00:41:11 --> 00:41:15
			People make mistakes, you have to
take it easy, or be. So that's
		
00:41:15 --> 00:41:19
			authoritarian or Eddie
dictatorial. Parents demand
		
00:41:19 --> 00:41:22
			obedience and severely punish any
disobedience.
		
00:41:24 --> 00:41:28
			Then you have those which are just
authoritative, not dictatorial.
		
00:41:28 --> 00:41:32
			parents expect their children to
be responsive to the demands, but
		
00:41:32 --> 00:41:36
			they are also responsive to their
demands. It kind of works both way
		
00:41:36 --> 00:41:39
			that look, we want things with
some authority, but there's a give
		
00:41:39 --> 00:41:42
			and take and there's more
understanding of why things are
		
00:41:42 --> 00:41:43
			the way they are.
		
00:41:45 --> 00:41:49
			These are the parents who
explained the rules. Clearly not
		
00:41:49 --> 00:41:51
			just rules, but they explain why
they wonder what's the benefit of
		
00:41:51 --> 00:41:56
			the rules and what's the harm in
not following the rules. And they
		
00:41:56 --> 00:42:01
			provide well considered reasons
for rules and regulations. If we
		
00:42:01 --> 00:42:05
			can give our children good rules
like for example, if I tell what's
		
00:42:05 --> 00:42:05
			your name,
		
00:42:07 --> 00:42:11
			alias Ilyas Have you got an A
color who really read you know
		
00:42:11 --> 00:42:12
			what color is
		
00:42:13 --> 00:42:13
			an anti
		
00:42:15 --> 00:42:18
			you know one of those All right,
the really cool people. You got to
		
00:42:18 --> 00:42:19
			color or not?
		
00:42:21 --> 00:42:23
			You either have or you don't? I
mean, there's no one laughing
		
00:42:23 --> 00:42:25
			about it. What is it? You have a
color or not? Man?
		
00:42:27 --> 00:42:28
			Do you have an auntie?
		
00:42:29 --> 00:42:31
			Do you have an auntie that really
likes you and gives you a lot of
		
00:42:31 --> 00:42:34
			stuff? Everybody has one of those
and hamdulillah they're so
		
00:42:34 --> 00:42:37
			beautiful Allah bless them,
whoever they are. Right? So you've
		
00:42:37 --> 00:42:40
			got an auntie like that right? Now
imagine the next time you go to
		
00:42:40 --> 00:42:44
			her house and you ignore her.
Because you want to go and play on
		
00:42:44 --> 00:42:47
			the PlayStation that your cousin
has a new just go in. You don't
		
00:42:47 --> 00:42:50
			even say Salam to you just go and
run? Is she going to feel good
		
00:42:50 --> 00:42:55
			about it? Is that good? What you
just did to her? No. Right? So
		
00:42:55 --> 00:43:00
			that's why we make them us. You
know why we do the maths. Because
		
00:43:00 --> 00:43:05
			Allah has given us everything that
you have everything. And only once
		
00:43:05 --> 00:43:09
			he's been so kind to us. The food
you get the parents, you have the
		
00:43:09 --> 00:43:13
			clothing, the warm house,
everything, the fact that you're
		
00:43:13 --> 00:43:15
			even in this world in the first
place. What he wants is us to pray
		
00:43:15 --> 00:43:18
			five times a day, fast in the
month of Ramadan. Is that too
		
00:43:18 --> 00:43:21
			much? I imagine if you don't do
that, is he going to be happy with
		
00:43:21 --> 00:43:25
			us? Is that even good for us to do
that kind of stuff to an ante? And
		
00:43:25 --> 00:43:29
			then thus to Allah like that? No,
right? So that's it. It says
		
00:43:29 --> 00:43:33
			hardly anybody explains the mass.
Like that. There's like no mass,
		
00:43:33 --> 00:43:36
			bro. You have to pray otherwise
you're going to be punished.
		
00:43:40 --> 00:43:43
			If we can get our children to be
conscious of Allah, our job will
		
00:43:43 --> 00:43:47
			be easy. And the way to find out
if our children are praying for
		
00:43:47 --> 00:43:50
			us, or for Allah is very simple.
		
00:43:51 --> 00:43:53
			Do they pray when you're not
around.
		
00:43:55 --> 00:43:58
			When whether they pray late or
early, they've got a consciousness
		
00:43:58 --> 00:44:02
			of it. And if they don't, then
forget about telling them to pray,
		
00:44:02 --> 00:44:06
			work on developing their
relationship to Allah and praying
		
00:44:06 --> 00:44:08
			for that reason, then your job
will.
		
00:44:09 --> 00:44:12
			They can be anywhere. And if you
tell them we as Muslims under is
		
00:44:12 --> 00:44:16
			because we are with Allah, you've
given them the identity is very
		
00:44:16 --> 00:44:17
			important.
		
00:44:19 --> 00:44:21
			Remember, a domineering attitude
is not the same as training
		
00:44:21 --> 00:44:22
			somebody.
		
00:44:23 --> 00:44:28
			domineering this means that you're
just forcing people to abide. But
		
00:44:28 --> 00:44:31
			training is what we're supposed to
be doing without you're retraining
		
00:44:31 --> 00:44:34
			them. Training means you're
finding their weaknesses, and
		
00:44:34 --> 00:44:37
			you're trying to sort them out and
turn them into strengths. And
		
00:44:37 --> 00:44:39
			you're getting them to recognize
their strengths. Again, it goes
		
00:44:39 --> 00:44:41
			back to what I said at the
beginning.
		
00:44:43 --> 00:44:47
			You have to remember the lack of
attention given to skilled
		
00:44:47 --> 00:44:52
			parenting is equally responsible
for the serious emotional and
		
00:44:52 --> 00:44:54
			psychological deprivation in young
children.
		
00:44:57 --> 00:44:59
			The reason why there's so much
rage out there among
		
00:45:00 --> 00:45:04
			criminals, people who go into
crime who go into these, why does
		
00:45:04 --> 00:45:08
			somebody from a comfortable home
with loving parents who are
		
00:45:08 --> 00:45:11
			considerate and have a good day?
Look, why would they get into
		
00:45:11 --> 00:45:12
			drugs?
		
00:45:13 --> 00:45:17
			So I spoke to somebody, why do
kids get into drugs? One for
		
00:45:17 --> 00:45:17
			money?
		
00:45:19 --> 00:45:24
			Number two, for some clouds,
number three, so they can belong?
		
00:45:24 --> 00:45:28
			These are multiple reasons. If
parents are providing all of that,
		
00:45:28 --> 00:45:30
			and they're satisfied, why would
they get into drugs? They'll think
		
00:45:30 --> 00:45:32
			twice, thrice, four times about
it.
		
00:45:34 --> 00:45:39
			We have to know what are children.
And I think, if I can leave you
		
00:45:39 --> 00:45:42
			with one advice is that keep your
children busy.
		
00:45:43 --> 00:45:48
			Your child can be going to school,
then University in the morning, or
		
00:45:48 --> 00:45:52
			madrasa wherever it is. And so if
you're going to school, let's just
		
00:45:52 --> 00:45:56
			say when University in the evening
going to some madrasa or in class,
		
00:45:56 --> 00:45:58
			whatever it is, and in the
weekend, you're giving them some
		
00:45:58 --> 00:46:01
			job to do, where they're working
and making some money, and they
		
00:46:01 --> 00:46:05
			literally have no time to waste,
then why do you might feel sorry
		
00:46:05 --> 00:46:09
			for them for doing so much work.
But that's their youth years
		
00:46:09 --> 00:46:14
			protected, because they, once they
beyond the years of youth, they're
		
00:46:14 --> 00:46:15
			less willing to take silly
		
00:46:17 --> 00:46:20
			risks and make silly mistakes and
get into the wrong crowd. You've
		
00:46:20 --> 00:46:23
			protected them, keep them busy.
But for that, we're going to have
		
00:46:23 --> 00:46:24
			to really think of how to keep
them busy.
		
00:46:26 --> 00:46:29
			And that means we have to come up
with ideas to keep them busy.
		
00:46:30 --> 00:46:36
			Parenting can make or break a
family, not just a family, a
		
00:46:36 --> 00:46:39
			society and a full civilization.
		
00:46:41 --> 00:46:44
			We encourage I mean, we're
encouraging parents to think of
		
00:46:44 --> 00:46:46
			the bigger picture when you're
parenting is not just about your
		
00:46:46 --> 00:46:51
			child, it's about the whole
society that your child is going
		
00:46:51 --> 00:46:54
			to contribute to, and we're going
to contribute to this is a very
		
00:46:54 --> 00:46:54
			big idea.
		
00:46:57 --> 00:47:00
			You have to also remember that if
children are going to be raised in
		
00:47:00 --> 00:47:04
			a lot of in a state of fear, that
they're always worried about when
		
00:47:04 --> 00:47:07
			their dad comes when their dad
comes in, they go to another room.
		
00:47:07 --> 00:47:10
			When they come into the house,
they fear of the moment that they
		
00:47:10 --> 00:47:12
			just go and hold themselves up in
the room. If you've got a child
		
00:47:12 --> 00:47:16
			who'd rather be outside with his
friends, then comfortable in the
		
00:47:16 --> 00:47:19
			home, or if he's in the house, he
wants to be holed up in a room
		
00:47:19 --> 00:47:21
			with the door closed on an iPad,
then you've got a problem for
		
00:47:21 --> 00:47:22
			sure.
		
00:47:23 --> 00:47:25
			That's 100% You got a problem?
		
00:47:26 --> 00:47:29
			Why should children not feel good
about sitting with the families
		
00:47:31 --> 00:47:34
			you know, sitting because there's
nobody discussing there's nobody
		
00:47:34 --> 00:47:35
			giving them something worthwhile.
		
00:47:37 --> 00:47:41
			But remember, if a child is raised
in a state of fear and oppression,
		
00:47:41 --> 00:47:46
			they will become afraid to take
risks, and will be afraid to make
		
00:47:46 --> 00:47:51
			decisions because they've not been
allowed to do that. They've been
		
00:47:51 --> 00:47:55
			punished on every week, every
mistake they've made, you know,
		
00:47:56 --> 00:47:59
			after observing many people who
came out right afterwards, when I
		
00:47:59 --> 00:48:02
			see a child telling me that he
messes up, he messes, he gets in
		
00:48:02 --> 00:48:04
			trouble at school every now and
then I think martial arts guy is
		
00:48:04 --> 00:48:05
			going to do something good.
		
00:48:08 --> 00:48:10
			He's going to be a bit of a risk
taker and inshallah if you do
		
00:48:10 --> 00:48:14
			proper tarbiyah he'll be actually
willing to be a mover and shaker.
		
00:48:15 --> 00:48:18
			So I don't write off children who
mess around a bit.
		
00:48:19 --> 00:48:22
			There's two different types of
messing around one is innocent
		
00:48:22 --> 00:48:25
			messing around child smashing or
messing around. And the other one
		
00:48:26 --> 00:48:27
			is evil.
		
00:48:28 --> 00:48:33
			It comes from a place of evil
shaytani ads. If our children are
		
00:48:33 --> 00:48:37
			learning shaytani like an evil
that is a problem. But if they're
		
00:48:37 --> 00:48:40
			just messing around let them mess
around a bit. Not too much. They
		
00:48:40 --> 00:48:43
			have to get discipline there's one
kid is always getting in trouble
		
00:48:43 --> 00:48:43
			at school.
		
00:48:46 --> 00:48:49
			Right innocent messing up, but he
gets in trouble. Parents saying to
		
00:48:49 --> 00:48:52
			him like what's wrong with you? If
you want to mess around? Be smart
		
00:48:52 --> 00:48:52
			about it?
		
00:48:55 --> 00:48:58
			What else are you going to do?
Tell him not to mess I still wants
		
00:48:58 --> 00:49:01
			to mess It's Okay to be Smart.
Because he says Actually, it
		
00:49:01 --> 00:49:04
			wasn't me. It was my friend. I
said it afterwards. Yeah, but why
		
00:49:04 --> 00:49:06
			did your friend not get caught?
And you did?
		
00:49:08 --> 00:49:09
			Because you're a little show off?
Maybe.
		
00:49:11 --> 00:49:14
			So you want to mess around? Then
Macedon in a way you don't call
		
00:49:14 --> 00:49:15
			them
		
00:49:17 --> 00:49:19
			don't mean shaytani that mean?
Like a little you know, people
		
00:49:19 --> 00:49:23
			want to mess around a bit. I said
You're silly. That's what I would
		
00:49:23 --> 00:49:26
			tell him right? Like your city,
your big city. If you want to mess
		
00:49:26 --> 00:49:29
			around, do it in a way that you
can have your little and don't get
		
00:49:29 --> 00:49:30
			caught about it.
		
00:49:31 --> 00:49:34
			I mean, that doesn't work all the
time. I don't want to give you bad
		
00:49:34 --> 00:49:38
			ideas. But I'm saying that
sometimes children just don't stop
		
00:49:38 --> 00:49:40
			so then you tell them okay, at
least do it in a way that you
		
00:49:40 --> 00:49:42
			don't get in trouble. Sadly is
that will stop them from doing it
		
00:49:42 --> 00:49:46
			half the time. But yeah, I've seen
a magazine or when you go through
		
00:49:46 --> 00:49:49
			madressa boarding mothers or you
see a lot of kids that used to
		
00:49:49 --> 00:49:52
			mess around and now Masha Allah,
they are big Imams, the big
		
00:49:52 --> 00:49:55
			scholars, they are doing so much
work for the community and they
		
00:49:55 --> 00:49:56
			weren't messing around with their
mothers.
		
00:49:58 --> 00:49:59
			So a lot of promise people have
had
		
00:50:00 --> 00:50:03
			During law, they can become good
people. Right? You don't have to
		
00:50:03 --> 00:50:06
			be a saint from in your there's a
few people like that it's the
		
00:50:06 --> 00:50:10
			saints from birth. Mashallah. But
not everybody's like that. Right?
		
00:50:10 --> 00:50:12
			There's people who've gotten in
trouble also struggle hamdulillah
		
00:50:12 --> 00:50:16
			they become successful people
afterwards. So don't write off any
		
00:50:16 --> 00:50:19
			child, you just have to work and
get them. Right. It's just another
		
00:50:19 --> 00:50:25
			challenge, right? Parenting is the
most rewarding, stimulating and
		
00:50:25 --> 00:50:29
			ultimately pleasurable experience
one ever will go through, but it
		
00:50:29 --> 00:50:33
			can be the most demanding, you
know, feminists who are against
		
00:50:34 --> 00:50:39
			having children, because they said
that that was going to disturb
		
00:50:39 --> 00:50:41
			your progress. If you have
children, you have to worry about
		
00:50:41 --> 00:50:44
			children. You can't go to work,
your occupation, your career, when
		
00:50:44 --> 00:50:50
			those same feminist from 2030
years ago, became 40, divorced, no
		
00:50:50 --> 00:50:53
			children, they're complaining now
they realize they were wrong.
		
00:50:53 --> 00:50:55
			They're feeling alone.
		
00:50:56 --> 00:50:59
			That's why parenting, the reason
is rewarding if you do it, right,
		
00:50:59 --> 00:51:01
			is that when you get to that age,
finally, and that's why I do it
		
00:51:01 --> 00:51:04
			earlier, because you'll be fresher
to do your tarbiyah than when you
		
00:51:04 --> 00:51:08
			have children, when you're 3014,
you're too tired, then they'll
		
00:51:08 --> 00:51:10
			walk all over, you maybe do it
when you're young and more
		
00:51:10 --> 00:51:14
			vigorous, right? The culture, you
know, you go to a school in the
		
00:51:14 --> 00:51:18
			morning, drop your kids off, most
of the Muslim parents are young,
		
00:51:18 --> 00:51:22
			20 year old girls, 20 year old
women. And you see a lot
		
00:51:22 --> 00:51:24
			unfortunately, a lot of the
numbers when they're like 30, and
		
00:51:24 --> 00:51:24
			40.
		
00:51:26 --> 00:51:28
			Because they just start later,
because they were more worried
		
00:51:28 --> 00:51:29
			about their career.
		
00:51:30 --> 00:51:34
			Just remember, good character is
rarely a product of chance.
		
00:51:35 --> 00:51:38
			Rarely is it like just something
that comes about even if you
		
00:51:38 --> 00:51:43
			didn't try. Good character is
always the result of happy homes,
		
00:51:43 --> 00:51:48
			stable environments, committed
parents and good tarbiyah. So for
		
00:51:48 --> 00:51:51
			example, I've been hedged multiple
times in a group of like three,
		
00:51:51 --> 00:51:57
			four or five 600 people. And it's
interesting how humans are an out
		
00:51:57 --> 00:52:00
			of everybody who are like, just
standard, you'll see one or two
		
00:52:00 --> 00:52:03
			people, they stand out, why do
they stand out? They have some
		
00:52:03 --> 00:52:06
			amazing character. They just
different.
		
00:52:07 --> 00:52:10
			They are just special. They're not
our limbs or anything. They're
		
00:52:10 --> 00:52:14
			just very special people. And you
see that, mashallah, they just got
		
00:52:14 --> 00:52:17
			things right. And then you get
speaking to him multiple
		
00:52:17 --> 00:52:21
			occasions, I've gotten to speak to
them, and I find out that it's
		
00:52:21 --> 00:52:25
			because their father or
grandfather was this special
		
00:52:25 --> 00:52:30
			person, you can see the tarbiyah.
Now remember, anything that you do
		
00:52:30 --> 00:52:34
			to your children is going to have
impact and repercussions all the
		
00:52:34 --> 00:52:40
			way down in your generations. You
have grandchildren yet? How many
		
00:52:40 --> 00:52:44
			10 grandchildren? Now those 10
grandchildren are all yours.
		
00:52:45 --> 00:52:48
			They're yours. They're not a show
of churches or, you know, they're
		
00:52:48 --> 00:52:53
			not as easy as they're yours. Is
there any stopping those 10
		
00:52:53 --> 00:52:57
			grandchildren from having their
own children now? No, will be gone
		
00:52:57 --> 00:53:01
			and they'll carry on and they'll
multiply Inshallah, you got to and
		
00:53:01 --> 00:53:04
			they're gonna multiply, right?
Soon they're going to be 100 and
		
00:53:04 --> 00:53:09
			will be long gone. But on the day
of judgment, you will come up, and
		
00:53:09 --> 00:53:12
			you'll see in front of you, maybe
hundreds or 1000s I think these
		
00:53:12 --> 00:53:13
			are all your children.
		
00:53:15 --> 00:53:20
			Think about it that way. So you
know, in your parenting, I'm not
		
00:53:20 --> 00:53:24
			parenting just for my children. I
am parenting for my descendants.
		
00:53:24 --> 00:53:29
			And I'm scared because the way I
want my children to be I want them
		
00:53:29 --> 00:53:32
			to want their children to be and
their children to be and when I
		
00:53:32 --> 00:53:36
			see this some you know really
great person and then the
		
00:53:36 --> 00:53:39
			grandchildren have messed up some
and like Subhan Allah only Allah
		
00:53:39 --> 00:53:43
			can protect, but you have to have
that vision. And every dua in the
		
00:53:43 --> 00:53:47
			Quran that is about children is
not about children. It's about
		
00:53:47 --> 00:53:47
			progeny
		
00:53:49 --> 00:53:54
			is the real problem. I mean, as
far as you know, other Reja Tina
		
00:53:55 --> 00:53:59
			Robitussin Nemo ki masala durian
Realty Allah is telling you don't
		
00:53:59 --> 00:54:01
			just pray for your immediate
children, pray for your
		
00:54:01 --> 00:54:03
			descendants. Why not?
		
00:54:05 --> 00:54:08
			Why not. But for that it's a
bigger job now, right? I want all
		
00:54:08 --> 00:54:11
			my grandchildren to be a certain
way, I'm going to have to do
		
00:54:11 --> 00:54:15
			proper therapy of my children. So
I can increase the chances. And
		
00:54:15 --> 00:54:18
			for me to do therapy of my
children, we're going into a whole
		
00:54:18 --> 00:54:21
			different subject. I don't want to
open that up. I better find the
		
00:54:21 --> 00:54:21
			right wife.
		
00:54:23 --> 00:54:26
			And if I'm on the right wife, then
I better start before I find my
		
00:54:26 --> 00:54:27
			wife.
		
00:54:28 --> 00:54:30
			Now, you might think, Well, I've
already got a messed up husband or
		
00:54:30 --> 00:54:33
			wife. What do I do now?
		
00:54:35 --> 00:54:38
			You do the best that you can.
People have changed. For example,
		
00:54:38 --> 00:54:41
			you've got a mother in law who
oppresses her daughter in law.
		
00:54:42 --> 00:54:44
			So you find out from the mother in
law, why do you oppress your
		
00:54:44 --> 00:54:48
			daughter in law? Like honest,
because my mother in law did
		
00:54:48 --> 00:54:51
			that's how she did it to me. So
that's why I'm doing it. So you go
		
00:54:51 --> 00:54:54
			and ask her mother in law she's
still alive. Why do you do Why did
		
00:54:54 --> 00:54:58
			you do that? Oh, because my mother
in law did that. So you she's
		
00:54:58 --> 00:54:59
			dead. So you go to her grave and
say why did
		
00:55:00 --> 00:55:00
			You do that?
		
00:55:01 --> 00:55:04
			Why did you start this sooner? I
said I didn't start the sooner my
		
00:55:04 --> 00:55:05
			mother in law did that as well.
		
00:55:07 --> 00:55:08
			Come on, man, you're gonna have to
stop there.
		
00:55:09 --> 00:55:13
			So tell the last one you stop that
so that you don't have to continue
		
00:55:13 --> 00:55:17
			this bad sunnah. You be the new
one. To start a new center for
		
00:55:17 --> 00:55:21
			your descendants think of children
as more than children, its
		
00:55:21 --> 00:55:26
			descendants. Its descendants.
Right? That's the most important
		
00:55:26 --> 00:55:29
			thing that you can think of and
that will keep you up at night.
		
00:55:30 --> 00:55:33
			How do I make that happen? But if
you have the concern you can ask
		
00:55:33 --> 00:55:37
			Allah then he's willing to give
will be gone. Walla who yet will
		
00:55:37 --> 00:55:40
			la sala him you know I was once we
have moved the model for Hussain
		
00:55:40 --> 00:55:47
			Sahib. He was the martyrdom of the
DAR loom work of Sauron poor. This
		
00:55:47 --> 00:55:51
			was in 1999. His father was mana
Yeah, he is.
		
00:55:52 --> 00:55:56
			Right mana? Yeah, he is a big
Mufti of Dhanam Santa Paula.
		
00:55:56 --> 00:56:01
			Hello. I was a proposer had this
move the model for sub.
		
00:56:02 --> 00:56:03
			So it was his father's name? Yeah,
here.
		
00:56:04 --> 00:56:08
			They were mistaking his name. Once
we were in his match list, and he
		
00:56:08 --> 00:56:13
			said that my father left nothing.
When he died. He would give us
		
00:56:13 --> 00:56:16
			like Abu Bakr Siddiq, or you know,
like, giving away everything and
		
00:56:16 --> 00:56:19
			not keeping any just taking enough
money to survive. So somebody
		
00:56:19 --> 00:56:20
			asked him
		
00:56:22 --> 00:56:25
			What are you going to leave for
your children? He said, I've tried
		
00:56:25 --> 00:56:31
			to make them Saudi him. righteous
people. God fearing and Allah says
		
00:56:31 --> 00:56:36
			Wallah who Yetta Wella sorry him.
Allah takes care of the Salah him
		
00:56:36 --> 00:56:39
			so I've done my job, Allah does
the rest. And mashallah, that's
		
00:56:39 --> 00:56:42
			it. That's your descent. So,
unless we think far,
		
00:56:43 --> 00:56:47
			far into the future, we're going
to think it's just about me and my
		
00:56:47 --> 00:56:50
			wife and my child. It's not about
that. It's a much bigger idea.
		
00:56:50 --> 00:56:53
			It's a much bigger idea. So much
bigger idea. You know, I have
		
00:56:53 --> 00:56:58
			several friends from different
countries that are Sayid's. There
		
00:56:58 --> 00:57:02
			are Sharif Sayed, which means
family of the prophets of Allah,
		
00:57:02 --> 00:57:05
			some descendants, and there's a
quality in every one of them of
		
00:57:05 --> 00:57:10
			generosity and other quality, open
heartedness and generosity. I've
		
00:57:10 --> 00:57:14
			seen that in multiple countries,
they all say you, right, Indians,
		
00:57:14 --> 00:57:19
			Jordanians, Pakistanis, their
proper see it's right. And they
		
00:57:19 --> 00:57:22
			all have a certain quality. This
comes down.
		
00:57:23 --> 00:57:26
			I have seen families where there's
no Alim in the family. And now
		
00:57:26 --> 00:57:28
			mashallah, the way they've made it
is that
		
00:57:29 --> 00:57:33
			all of the next generation is all
half is now. There was not a
		
00:57:33 --> 00:57:37
			single person who marry any hamara
condom. Nicole alumnado, Hafiz
		
00:57:37 --> 00:57:40
			Vinita. And now everybody is that
tradition is going to carry on
		
00:57:41 --> 00:57:46
			what tradition you need to make
changes. One family I know none of
		
00:57:46 --> 00:57:47
			the women used to wear hijab.
		
00:57:48 --> 00:57:51
			Right? It wasn't a tradition. One
of them went to become an Alima.
		
00:57:51 --> 00:57:56
			She came back with a niqab forget
hijab. Everybody protested, like
		
00:57:56 --> 00:58:01
			you care hoga Alhamdulillah most
of them now are fully covered. You
		
00:58:01 --> 00:58:05
			start it off, you change the next
generation, but it's a big job
		
00:58:05 --> 00:58:08
			it's a big job that's the that's
why people lose out they all have
		
00:58:08 --> 00:58:11
			this idea but we lose out or at
least you know now so anyway, I'm
		
00:58:11 --> 00:58:15
			going to stop here is what a lot
of disparate thoughts to just get
		
00:58:15 --> 00:58:19
			us to think how important this is,
and some ideas to put into motion.
		
00:58:19 --> 00:58:22
			Remember, let our children find
their qualities and their
		
00:58:22 --> 00:58:25
			weaknesses and let's prune them
and get them to become the leaders
		
00:58:25 --> 00:58:29
			of the next generation and our
descendants to be wonderful people
		
00:58:29 --> 00:58:31
			in sha Allah. Okay, your
questions?
		
00:58:32 --> 00:58:36
			How can we create love and nurture
among siblings
		
00:58:38 --> 00:58:41
			Allahumma Salli ala Sayidina
Muhammad make a lot of dua to
		
00:58:41 --> 00:58:44
			Allah subhana wa Tada and keep
reading Allahumma Elif bien Kulu
		
00:58:44 --> 00:58:49
			Bina wa salam ala Dube, Nina, very
powerful door, whenever I've had a
		
00:58:49 --> 00:58:52
			little misunderstanding with
somebody, you read this to our of
		
00:58:52 --> 00:58:58
			Allah resolve that which is in our
hearts, and reform, the whatever
		
00:58:58 --> 00:59:01
			the issue is between us and it's
amazing, it works very well. So
		
00:59:01 --> 00:59:04
			number one, keep making dua for
them. And then basically, I think
		
00:59:04 --> 00:59:07
			from a young age, we need to give
them an understanding you need to
		
00:59:08 --> 00:59:13
			we don't want to make them each
selfish competitors. Only healthy
		
00:59:13 --> 00:59:16
			competition is fine. So there must
be a reason why they're at each
		
00:59:16 --> 00:59:20
			other. So it's completely fine. By
the way, for younger boys or girls
		
00:59:20 --> 00:59:25
			to have a bit of banter or a bit
of fighting, it's fine.
		
00:59:26 --> 00:59:28
			Right? That doesn't mean you go
out and do it.
		
00:59:29 --> 00:59:32
			It's fine. It's healthy for them.
They need somebody to vent their,
		
00:59:33 --> 00:59:36
			you know, their energy, expend
their energy on or something like
		
00:59:36 --> 00:59:39
			that. So that's completely fine.
But it's when it becomes
		
00:59:40 --> 00:59:43
			if they can't make up and they
find after five minutes, then
		
00:59:43 --> 00:59:46
			that's a problem. So some of it is
completely natural. But if they
		
00:59:46 --> 00:59:49
			are each other and they stop
talking to one another, and all of
		
00:59:49 --> 00:59:51
			that, then you've got a serious
problem and then you have to find
		
00:59:51 --> 00:59:52
			out why.
		
00:59:53 --> 00:59:57
			That's the question now. It may be
very bitter what you discover or
		
00:59:57 --> 00:59:59
			you may not want to think about
it. Do you do that to others?
		
01:00:00 --> 01:00:03
			Do you stop speaking to people? Do
you speak bad about people and
		
01:00:04 --> 01:00:07
			shun them and abandon them and
stop speaking about them? Where
		
01:00:07 --> 01:00:09
			did they learn to do that from?
		
01:00:10 --> 01:00:13
			We genuinely have to ask that
question once my kid came back
		
01:00:13 --> 01:00:16
			from school and he said, He's not
talking to a certain friend, I was
		
01:00:16 --> 01:00:19
			like, where did you learn to do
that? We never stopped talking to
		
01:00:19 --> 01:00:22
			anybody. Where did you even learn
that that kind of thing exists?
		
01:00:23 --> 01:00:25
			Obviously learned from another
friend, we said, we don't do that
		
01:00:25 --> 01:00:28
			we deal with the matter. You got
an issue with somebody? Let's just
		
01:00:28 --> 01:00:33
			deal with it. Let's say what it is
that's sorted out. Or let me ask
		
01:00:33 --> 01:00:33
			you, how old are you?
		
01:00:35 --> 01:00:36
			How old?
		
01:00:37 --> 01:00:38
			You are nine years old and you?
		
01:00:39 --> 01:00:41
			You're 10 years old? What's your
name again?
		
01:00:43 --> 01:00:47
			Ilya sub so Ilyas? Do you have
anybody in your class at school or
		
01:00:47 --> 01:00:50
			in your school that kind of
bothers you a bit every now and
		
01:00:50 --> 01:00:54
			then a little bit bothers you
sometimes. Sometimes, what do you
		
01:00:54 --> 01:00:58
			do about it? Change the subject to
give a clever answer or something
		
01:00:58 --> 01:01:01
			like that. So if you want him to
stop bothering you, you know, the
		
01:01:01 --> 01:01:04
			best way to do is have you ever
tried this you can try this is
		
01:01:04 --> 01:01:07
			make dua for him. That Oh, Allah,
this guy bothers me a bit. Yeah,
		
01:01:07 --> 01:01:10
			Allah sought him out and me out,
because you've got the next two,
		
01:01:10 --> 01:01:13
			three years to spend with him,
right? So rather than every time
		
01:01:13 --> 01:01:16
			trying to deal with it, just make
that dua, and inshallah that will
		
01:01:16 --> 01:01:16
			work.
		
01:01:19 --> 01:01:22
			So anyway, we need to first find
out why they why they have so much
		
01:01:22 --> 01:01:26
			animosity, is it because of us,
then we're giving them a bad
		
01:01:26 --> 01:01:30
			model, then we have to teach them
not to be like that. I think if we
		
01:01:30 --> 01:01:34
			give them the understanding, you
must defend one another. And
		
01:01:34 --> 01:01:37
			again, a bit of it is fine, as
long as they come out of it. And
		
01:01:37 --> 01:01:40
			then we get them to maybe give
gifts to one another. We tell them
		
01:01:40 --> 01:01:44
			how to go beyond the acrimony in
the hearts. And one beautiful way
		
01:01:44 --> 01:01:47
			of doing is making that door
number two, if you have this with
		
01:01:47 --> 01:01:51
			anybody, it gives them a gift, you
literally go beyond yourself to do
		
01:01:51 --> 01:01:55
			something good for them. We teach
them how to deal with the anger of
		
01:01:55 --> 01:01:59
			the heart and get beyond it.
Again, these are just some ideas.
		
01:01:59 --> 01:02:01
			May Allah put blessing in him?
		
01:02:02 --> 01:02:06
			What is suitable age to speak
about RSE with our children, I
		
01:02:06 --> 01:02:08
			want ideas what do you think?
		
01:02:09 --> 01:02:10
			Nine or 10?
		
01:02:13 --> 01:02:15
			In some cases, seven, it just
depends on what they're exposed
		
01:02:15 --> 01:02:18
			to. And I think you should figure
out what actually you can ask some
		
01:02:18 --> 01:02:22
			innocent questions, some probing
questions and if you find out they
		
01:02:22 --> 01:02:24
			already know because believe me,
you know, you might pull out your
		
01:02:24 --> 01:02:29
			children from Rs e classes, the
proper ones they do the weird ones
		
01:02:29 --> 01:02:33
			they do. And then the so you keep
them at home the next day you go
		
01:02:33 --> 01:02:36
			there and their friends have told
them everything secondhand with
		
01:02:36 --> 01:02:36
			masala
		
01:02:38 --> 01:02:42
			right. So that's why it's
important that you bring this up
		
01:02:42 --> 01:02:45
			the best way to do it when it's
very difficult for parents who
		
01:02:45 --> 01:02:50
			speak about this. But if you can,
it's okay is to organize a class
		
01:02:50 --> 01:02:55
			for with the local Imams or masjid
for teenager classes. Or there's
		
01:02:55 --> 01:02:59
			actually now decent small booklets
written for coming of age, we're
		
01:02:59 --> 01:03:03
			going to have a lecture coming up
very soon on. So I did it. In
		
01:03:03 --> 01:03:06
			fact, the last week it's going to
be put up on zum zum. Academy soon
		
01:03:06 --> 01:03:11
			on literally coming up of age and
what that entails. From the ages
		
01:03:11 --> 01:03:16
			of I would say nine to 14. That's
when the major changes happen. So
		
01:03:16 --> 01:03:19
			I think it's very important. A lot
of the RSC stuff is involved in
		
01:03:19 --> 01:03:23
			and it has to happen. We can't say
that they should be blinded of
		
01:03:23 --> 01:03:25
			this fact, because they're going
to learn about it.
		
01:03:26 --> 01:03:30
			So if it is ever brought up at
home, like what does that mean?
		
01:03:30 --> 01:03:32
			Just explain in a
		
01:03:34 --> 01:03:37
			in a formal kind of way what it is
without dismiss a don't think
		
01:03:37 --> 01:03:41
			about that. You could say, Look,
this is how much we know we don't
		
01:03:41 --> 01:03:43
			think you'll understand when you
grow up. You can say that, but at
		
01:03:43 --> 01:03:48
			least give them something to go
by. Right. So what I did last week
		
01:03:48 --> 01:03:53
			in Berkeley was that I mentioned
how to say these things. I don't
		
01:03:53 --> 01:03:55
			want to go through the whole thing
right now. But that just gives you
		
01:03:55 --> 01:03:57
			an idea of how to speak about it
because you're embarrassed
		
01:03:57 --> 01:03:59
			usually, but you can speak about
it.
		
01:04:01 --> 01:04:04
			How can we note okay, we did that
one? How can parents discuss the
		
01:04:04 --> 01:04:06
			topic of intimacy with teenagers
when they themselves have been
		
01:04:06 --> 01:04:08
			shamed and never talked regarding
the topic?
		
01:04:09 --> 01:04:12
			I think I just answered that
question. Right. Parents will
		
01:04:12 --> 01:04:15
			inevitably different issues. How
should they handle such matters in
		
01:04:15 --> 01:04:17
			the presence of their children as
it can come across that they are
		
01:04:17 --> 01:04:22
			unaligned? Yeah. So look, you
can't always be 100% on the same
		
01:04:22 --> 01:04:26
			wavelength as your partner. Right?
That'd be really weird. If the if
		
01:04:26 --> 01:04:30
			you were it's very difficult, then
it'd be a boring life. Right? So
		
01:04:30 --> 01:04:32
			it's fine to have some differences
of opinion. As long as you
		
01:04:32 --> 01:04:35
			generally agree on the big ideas,
you have to be on the same
		
01:04:35 --> 01:04:38
			wavelength. If you're not You
better work on that. If you aren't
		
01:04:38 --> 01:04:41
			any major disapprovals you do that
privately not in front of the
		
01:04:41 --> 01:04:44
			children, right? Otherwise, it's
fine if they can see a healthy
		
01:04:44 --> 01:04:48
			kind of to and fro trying to say
no, we should do it this way. We
		
01:04:48 --> 01:04:52
			should do it this way. And then
finally, you agree with the you
		
01:04:52 --> 01:04:55
			know with the spouse or she agrees
with you or either way, then the
		
01:04:55 --> 01:04:59
			children will understand that that
is fine. I don't always have to be
		
01:04:59 --> 01:04:59
			right
		
01:05:00 --> 01:05:02
			So if the father is always going
to make himself out to be right,
		
01:05:02 --> 01:05:05
			then the sons gonna think they
have to always be right. And the
		
01:05:05 --> 01:05:08
			women are gonna think that women
are never right. Or we can't be
		
01:05:08 --> 01:05:11
			right, even if we think so that's
gonna cause major psychological
		
01:05:11 --> 01:05:16
			problems later on. Do you
understand? So I think it's fine
		
01:05:16 --> 01:05:19
			to have a difference, but just
have it in a
		
01:05:22 --> 01:05:27
			in an understanding way, while
providing your arguments. So just
		
01:05:27 --> 01:05:32
			try to be less authoritative, and
more discursive when you're
		
01:05:32 --> 01:05:34
			discussing this kind of stuff. So
the children can see healthy
		
01:05:34 --> 01:05:38
			discussion. There's nothing wrong
with that. But any major issues if
		
01:05:38 --> 01:05:40
			you do have them, and you need to
have them, then take that away,
		
01:05:40 --> 01:05:42
			don't do it in front of the
children as as far as possible.
		
01:05:44 --> 01:05:47
			How do you encourage girls to
adopt the hijab from a young age?
		
01:05:48 --> 01:05:54
			Well, I guess what we we can do is
to talk about the importance of
		
01:05:54 --> 01:05:57
			modesty runs in it, you must
cover, we talk about the
		
01:05:57 --> 01:06:01
			importance of modesty, or why they
need to cover why women cover in
		
01:06:01 --> 01:06:06
			the first place. And we show how
other women covered and if we've
		
01:06:06 --> 01:06:09
			read them good stories, then that
will come about in there as well.
		
01:06:09 --> 01:06:13
			There may come a time, eventually,
the biggest challenge to covering
		
01:06:13 --> 01:06:16
			is usually the fact that their
friends aren't covering. That's
		
01:06:16 --> 01:06:18
			usually the biggest challenge I
would say or their cousins aren't
		
01:06:18 --> 01:06:21
			covering or people of the age
aren't covering. That's why it's a
		
01:06:21 --> 01:06:25
			good idea to have children. Or one
of the biggest issues that we have
		
01:06:25 --> 01:06:29
			right? In this disparate society
we live in
		
01:06:30 --> 01:06:35
			where community has broken down is
that if you are a practicing
		
01:06:35 --> 01:06:38
			person, with your family, and
around you, and even your cousins
		
01:06:38 --> 01:06:41
			are not practicing, that is the
most difficult way to bring your
		
01:06:41 --> 01:06:46
			children up. Because you have to
visit cousins, they do everything
		
01:06:46 --> 01:06:49
			and you don't let your children do
anything. It just sounds very
		
01:06:50 --> 01:06:56
			depriving. So what we really need
is to find families that think
		
01:06:56 --> 01:07:00
			alike, and become friends with
them, and then visit one another
		
01:07:00 --> 01:07:02
			so that they can be reinforced.
I've seen this, that is a young
		
01:07:02 --> 01:07:07
			girl, and she's like, why should I
do this, she's the only one. She
		
01:07:07 --> 01:07:11
			is the only practicing Muslim as
such Alhamdulillah when they went
		
01:07:11 --> 01:07:15
			to this kind of a family event
where they saw others that oh,
		
01:07:15 --> 01:07:19
			okay, it's not just me, I'm not
the odd one out this others and
		
01:07:19 --> 01:07:24
			they were very uplifting, and very
empowering lectures that were
		
01:07:24 --> 01:07:27
			taking place, literally, that has
to be done. So anything that can
		
01:07:27 --> 01:07:32
			be done within our youth
facilities, that literally try to
		
01:07:32 --> 01:07:34
			encourage that so that they see
others doing the same thing, it's
		
01:07:34 --> 01:07:37
			just much easier for people to do
what they see others doing, rather
		
01:07:37 --> 01:07:40
			than feel odd when out. So if you
are in a family where everybody
		
01:07:40 --> 01:07:43
			else doesn't cover and you do,
it's going to be very, very tough.
		
01:07:43 --> 01:07:44
			So you have to find other people
to do it.
		
01:07:48 --> 01:07:52
			I mean, which ages I would
probably say I don't know is it
		
01:07:52 --> 01:07:56
			encouragement from you know, to
practice and so on, if you're
		
01:07:56 --> 01:07:58
			doing it properly, they'll
probably want to do it but I think
		
01:07:58 --> 01:08:00
			when they become VALIC then it
becomes necessary. But before that
		
01:08:00 --> 01:08:04
			age of 910 11 at least nine if
possible, it just depends on if
		
01:08:04 --> 01:08:08
			they're small, the bigger in their
body or whatever, there's a lot of
		
01:08:08 --> 01:08:11
			factors that are involved in that.
So whenever you think that they
		
01:08:11 --> 01:08:15
			should actually start doing it
because now that you know becoming
		
01:08:15 --> 01:08:19
			a woman as such, then after that
you need to encourage it more and
		
01:08:19 --> 01:08:23
			make it a bit more emphasized and
assist them and help them and
		
01:08:23 --> 01:08:24
			speak to them about it.
		
01:08:27 --> 01:08:30
			Father has hit mother and abused
in front of a two year old many
		
01:08:30 --> 01:08:34
			times and it's affected his
behavior how can you undo this to
		
01:08:34 --> 01:08:38
			help the child who is now three
look what's done is done you need
		
01:08:38 --> 01:08:41
			to just sort yourself out so that
that can be erased Alhamdulillah
		
01:08:41 --> 01:08:45
			Allah has given the plasticity of
the mind which basically means
		
01:08:45 --> 01:08:47
			that you don't have to be scarred
for life
		
01:08:48 --> 01:08:52
			Alhamdulillah Allah has created
the mind as a wonder they
		
01:08:52 --> 01:08:55
			literally the brain studies and is
not some really good books on the
		
01:08:55 --> 01:09:01
			study on this subject, you
everybody goes through a quite a
		
01:09:01 --> 01:09:04
			significant change in their brain
structure and the way they are as
		
01:09:04 --> 01:09:06
			human beings every 10 years.
		
01:09:07 --> 01:09:13
			Right? So just make it right, stop
crying over that and really tried
		
01:09:13 --> 01:09:16
			to overcompensate for this and
inshallah that will be erased with
		
01:09:16 --> 01:09:18
			dua to Allah subhanho wa taala.
		
01:09:19 --> 01:09:22
			In my area mothers are not great.
My child is seven has been taught
		
01:09:22 --> 01:09:25
			at home until now, but I am aware
of the benefits of mothers I can
		
01:09:25 --> 01:09:26
			give what to do.
		
01:09:27 --> 01:09:32
			Make a mother asop A new one
that's really fivestar I mean, I
		
01:09:32 --> 01:09:33
			don't know what to do.
		
01:09:34 --> 01:09:36
			I mean, some of these questions I
can't answer. I mean, if you don't
		
01:09:36 --> 01:09:38
			have another son, you might have
to go to an area where there is a
		
01:09:38 --> 01:09:41
			good mother. So if that's not the
case, find some like minded
		
01:09:41 --> 01:09:44
			people. I mean, unless you're just
over the top and you think
		
01:09:44 --> 01:09:47
			madrasahs are bad because you want
it. I've had parents like that and
		
01:09:47 --> 01:09:49
			I'm not blaming you for that
whoever you are anonymous, right?
		
01:09:50 --> 01:09:52
			I'm going to make fun of some of
these viewers. That's okay,
		
01:09:52 --> 01:09:54
			because I don't know who they are.
Right? Just to give a bit of
		
01:09:55 --> 01:09:58
			humor, but I don't mean it. Okay,
so Mr. Anonymous or Mrs.
		
01:09:58 --> 01:10:00
			Anonymous, whoever you are. Allah
bless you
		
01:10:00 --> 01:10:03
			I've given you some doors as well.
Right? But sometimes some people
		
01:10:03 --> 01:10:06
			are over the top. No Islamic
school works for them. I said that
		
01:10:06 --> 01:10:09
			one. Now I'd probably in that one
that one down. Come on everything
		
01:10:09 --> 01:10:10
			must be the problem with you now.
		
01:10:11 --> 01:10:15
			And again, I don't know. Right? So
you really have to think what I
		
01:10:15 --> 01:10:17
			would say is that if the owner
mother says problem, then find
		
01:10:17 --> 01:10:20
			some like minded parents because
there must be somebody else who
		
01:10:20 --> 01:10:22
			also thinks their problem and you
start a new madrasa.
		
01:10:23 --> 01:10:27
			Find a place, find some really
cool teachers, pay them very, very
		
01:10:27 --> 01:10:31
			well. And then and then maybe
start a new mattress and say this
		
01:10:31 --> 01:10:33
			is state of the art. This is not a
Joe Bloggs madrasa.
		
01:10:37 --> 01:10:39
			And you have to, I mean, there's
no magic about this. And I give
		
01:10:39 --> 01:10:42
			that genuinely what you're saying.
And it's possible that, you know,
		
01:10:42 --> 01:10:44
			the madrasahs aren't very well.
But I mean, it can't be that bad,
		
01:10:44 --> 01:10:47
			Kenny. But if it is, then start a
new madrasa.
		
01:10:48 --> 01:10:50
			It's not going to come to you,
you'll have to start one
		
01:10:52 --> 01:10:55
			or go out to another area. How
does one deal with a child who
		
01:10:55 --> 01:10:58
			does not follow instruction as
easily angered? I think I've
		
01:10:58 --> 01:11:01
			discussed that. I think No, I
haven't. What we need to do with
		
01:11:01 --> 01:11:04
			any of this type of question is we
need to first find out why they
		
01:11:04 --> 01:11:07
			are the way they are. There must
be some reason, they may be very
		
01:11:07 --> 01:11:12
			bitter reasons for that, that we,
you know, is it from us, we get
		
01:11:12 --> 01:11:15
			very sensitive. So they've learned
to be sensitive, I don't want to
		
01:11:15 --> 01:11:17
			blame the parents all the time,
because sometimes they can learn
		
01:11:17 --> 01:11:20
			it from their friends. So we just
have to discuss with them that
		
01:11:20 --> 01:11:23
			it's not worth doing that. And you
might you're not going to get an
		
01:11:23 --> 01:11:28
			overnight change. But once we
carry on calmly, patiently
		
01:11:29 --> 01:11:31
			discussing this, hopefully they'll
come out of it, they'll grow out
		
01:11:31 --> 01:11:36
			of it. You know, there's a massive
from the time that the you know,
		
01:11:36 --> 01:11:41
			from the babies to when they're
about 2523 24 years old, there are
		
01:11:41 --> 01:11:45
			going to be major changes. And
sometimes they just need time with
		
01:11:45 --> 01:11:48
			reinforcement. You can't change it
overnight.
		
01:11:50 --> 01:11:53
			How can we equip our children to
be confident in their religion to
		
01:11:53 --> 01:11:55
			be able to interact with non
Muslims at school in the current
		
01:11:55 --> 01:11:57
			climate, a crisis in Gaza.
		
01:11:58 --> 01:12:03
			The way you do that is you have
good solid discussions. make them
		
01:12:03 --> 01:12:05
			proud of their faith that look,
this is the way we do this, and
		
01:12:05 --> 01:12:09
			this is wide, that site is wrong.
And then we make them comfortable,
		
01:12:09 --> 01:12:11
			we tell them to be careful about
the way they
		
01:12:12 --> 01:12:16
			carry them, otherwise they'll be
taken to prevent. So you have to
		
01:12:16 --> 01:12:20
			make sure that they do it in a way
that they are confident but
		
01:12:20 --> 01:12:22
			cautious and careful and they know
their boundaries.
		
01:12:25 --> 01:12:27
			How can we explain to children
when parents don't live together
		
01:12:27 --> 01:12:30
			and help them cope with the
emotions of losing the family
		
01:12:30 --> 01:12:33
			unit, you need a psychologist for
this? I don't have a proper answer
		
01:12:33 --> 01:12:37
			for this. I've not considered it
enough, I can give you some
		
01:12:37 --> 01:12:40
			guidance. But that's that's maybe
		
01:12:41 --> 01:12:44
			I think the basic thing I can say
is you just talk about the
		
01:12:44 --> 01:12:48
			reality. But I would really
encourage that you don't don't be
		
01:12:48 --> 01:12:53
			a malicious mother or father, in
the sense that you are trying to
		
01:12:55 --> 01:13:01
			deprive your child of the other
parent that is haram. Very, very
		
01:13:01 --> 01:13:05
			wrong, very detrimental. You might
make you feel good that you've got
		
01:13:05 --> 01:13:08
			one over the other. But it's very
bad and it's increasing.
		
01:13:09 --> 01:13:12
			Right? It is absolute selfishness
and narcissism. And you shouldn't
		
01:13:12 --> 01:13:14
			be doing that is very bad for your
children. If that's what you're
		
01:13:14 --> 01:13:18
			doing, you know, most people don't
do that in sha Allah. So then you
		
01:13:18 --> 01:13:21
			have to just say, Look, we had a
bit of an issue, and this is
		
01:13:21 --> 01:13:23
			what's happening. But I would
recommend you get married again, a
		
01:13:23 --> 01:13:28
			pair a child needs both. Unless
you've got good sharing custody,
		
01:13:29 --> 01:13:32
			usually the mother has the primary
care, but the father should have
		
01:13:32 --> 01:13:36
			good access and sufficient access.
Right? Well, I mean, there's a lot
		
01:13:36 --> 01:13:39
			more confusing possibility of the
man is that if the father is a
		
01:13:39 --> 01:13:41
			loser is not really involved in
that's another issue. Try to get
		
01:13:41 --> 01:13:45
			married again, if you can. That's
very, very important. Otherwise,
		
01:13:45 --> 01:13:48
			if you can't do that, then at
least have your own relatives like
		
01:13:48 --> 01:13:51
			your brothers and sisters have
close connection. Because your
		
01:13:51 --> 01:13:54
			child needs both the mother and
father. There was an interview
		
01:13:54 --> 01:13:57
			done with a woman who was brought
up by two women in a modern way of
		
01:13:58 --> 01:14:02
			two women. I don't mean co wives.
Right, one man with two eyes. I
		
01:14:02 --> 01:14:05
			don't mean that. I mean, two women
he was brought up by she was
		
01:14:05 --> 01:14:06
			brought up by and she said it's
not the same.
		
01:14:07 --> 01:14:11
			It they're both wonderful women,
she said, but it's not the same,
		
01:14:11 --> 01:14:13
			you need that. And there's a lot
of studies that show that when
		
01:14:14 --> 01:14:17
			children don't have both sides,
there's instability in that
		
01:14:17 --> 01:14:20
			relationship, because just natural
phenomenon for us to be covered by
		
01:14:20 --> 01:14:25
			both father gives something the
mother gifts, something else, one
		
01:14:25 --> 01:14:28
			parent can't do both. Get some
help Allah to make it easy for
		
01:14:28 --> 01:14:28
			you.
		
01:14:30 --> 01:14:34
			How will a child be affected where
they're in? Where there is
		
01:14:34 --> 01:14:37
			domestic abuse in family, where
the husband is harsh to wife and
		
01:14:37 --> 01:14:41
			speak bad? I guess you if you
already know then you know.
		
01:14:42 --> 01:14:44
			Right? I can't answer that
question is just going to be very
		
01:14:44 --> 01:14:45
			bad.
		
01:14:46 --> 01:14:52
			A few days ago, last week, there's
a female teacher who who teaches
		
01:14:52 --> 01:14:57
			the Alima class of teenagers. So
third, fourth year, whatever it
		
01:14:57 --> 01:14:57
			is.
		
01:14:59 --> 01:15:00
			They were having
		
01:15:00 --> 01:15:04
			Good conversation. And it turns
out that the majority of the girls
		
01:15:04 --> 01:15:09
			in that class said they don't want
to get married. It's like why? Why
		
01:15:09 --> 01:15:11
			do you want to get married? Men?
		
01:15:13 --> 01:15:15
			Did she say, men?
		
01:15:16 --> 01:15:18
			Men can't be trusted.
		
01:15:19 --> 01:15:21
			Men are liars.
		
01:15:22 --> 01:15:25
			Right? So she's prodding more
like, What do you mean by this?
		
01:15:25 --> 01:15:29
			said, I'll never marry any guy
who's on social media.
		
01:15:31 --> 01:15:33
			She's seen the worst of it, I
guess, right? Of what people do on
		
01:15:33 --> 01:15:37
			social media. So then the teacher
asked, Do you have social media?
		
01:15:37 --> 01:15:39
			Yes, I do. But I'm gonna get off
it now.
		
01:15:40 --> 01:15:44
			That hamdulillah right, they
figured it out. Now, my question
		
01:15:44 --> 01:15:48
			when I heard that was, why do they
think all men are messed up?
		
01:15:49 --> 01:15:52
			Because all men are not messed up.
Okay. Because if that was the
		
01:15:52 --> 01:15:54
			case, I mean, that would be very
sad for you. Right? How would you
		
01:15:54 --> 01:15:55
			feel about that?
		
01:15:57 --> 01:15:59
			You won't be able to I mean, men
are like, Yeah, I want to get
		
01:15:59 --> 01:16:03
			married. But girls don't feel
comfortable about that. And it is
		
01:16:03 --> 01:16:07
			a problem. Feminism is to blame
for a certain amount of that.
		
01:16:07 --> 01:16:10
			Because say, you know, you don't
need men and so on that, but it's
		
01:16:10 --> 01:16:11
			not fully that.
		
01:16:12 --> 01:16:15
			There's somebody I know who within
five, six homes from his house,
		
01:16:16 --> 01:16:19
			there's three Muslim families who
have 14 year old daughters who are
		
01:16:19 --> 01:16:24
			not yet married. It is a big
issue. Okay. And there's multiple
		
01:16:24 --> 01:16:24
			reasons for that.
		
01:16:26 --> 01:16:30
			So one could be an element of
feminism. However, the other
		
01:16:30 --> 01:16:34
			bigger issue. The other issue is,
is the way people are parenting.
		
01:16:35 --> 01:16:36
			There is a lot of
		
01:16:37 --> 01:16:40
			discrimination against girls in
our families.
		
01:16:41 --> 01:16:47
			Boys are mollycoddled. They are
brought up to be pampered. And
		
01:16:47 --> 01:16:49
			girls have to do all the work. And
		
01:16:52 --> 01:16:57
			just a week or two ago, they said
that there was a girl who is
		
01:16:57 --> 01:17:02
			considering changing agenda to a
boy, why somebody got to speak to
		
01:17:02 --> 01:17:04
			her like, why do you want to do
that? Said because my brother gets
		
01:17:04 --> 01:17:09
			all the favors in the house. I
don't, I'd rather become a boy.
		
01:17:10 --> 01:17:15
			Can you see what our some cultures
are worse than others. There's
		
01:17:15 --> 01:17:19
			some cultures who make the girls
do everything. And the boys are
		
01:17:19 --> 01:17:21
			pampered. They don't even have to
make their own bed, the mother
		
01:17:21 --> 01:17:25
			will do it or get the sister to
make it. All the food breakfasts
		
01:17:25 --> 01:17:28
			everything, the guy doesn't know
how to tighten a screw. He doesn't
		
01:17:28 --> 01:17:32
			know how to let guests in. He
doesn't know how to pay a bill.
		
01:17:33 --> 01:17:38
			And he's just on his Playstation.
Or he's just studying. But then
		
01:17:38 --> 01:17:40
			they've got the girls studying as
well. And they still have to do
		
01:17:40 --> 01:17:44
			all the homework. I'm not talking
about the permissive study, not
		
01:17:44 --> 01:17:48
			study, just saying this is the
reality. It says if the boys get a
		
01:17:48 --> 01:17:52
			lot more pandering than the girls
do. And that's a problem.
		
01:17:53 --> 01:17:56
			What we need and this is an
important point is what we need is
		
01:17:56 --> 01:18:01
			we need to create such a family
that your daughter can look at her
		
01:18:01 --> 01:18:04
			brother and say that mashallah
he's such a good guy.
		
01:18:05 --> 01:18:07
			That I would like my husband to be
like that.
		
01:18:09 --> 01:18:14
			The model that you're providing?
I'm so sad about that, that those
		
01:18:14 --> 01:18:17
			group of girls, which may be
representative, a bigger issue in
		
01:18:17 --> 01:18:19
			other places as well, right.
		
01:18:21 --> 01:18:24
			So I asked the question to this
teacher, I said, But what about
		
01:18:24 --> 01:18:28
			the What about her parent, her
father, her brother said, one of
		
01:18:28 --> 01:18:32
			the girls said that my father has
been beating up my mom for the
		
01:18:32 --> 01:18:36
			last, what? 20 years. And she just
takes it.
		
01:18:38 --> 01:18:42
			She just hates men, because that's
what all men are like in her mind.
		
01:18:43 --> 01:18:46
			And this is the big issue that
we're going to have to solve
		
01:18:46 --> 01:18:48
			because this is a very cultural
issues in some cultures.
		
01:18:50 --> 01:18:54
			If you beat your women up, you're
really messing up the next
		
01:18:54 --> 01:18:57
			generation. That means you want
all of your grandchildren to do
		
01:18:57 --> 01:19:01
			the same. When I first got
married, and a friend of mine got
		
01:19:01 --> 01:19:05
			married, he's a Maulana as well.
Some months later, he called me
		
01:19:05 --> 01:19:11
			said Montana, I hit my wife. Like
he shocked. And he's
		
01:19:13 --> 01:19:14
			disgusted by what he did.
		
01:19:15 --> 01:19:18
			So I spoke to him and everything
Alhamdulillah since that he's
		
01:19:18 --> 01:19:21
			never done it again. But why did
he do it, then? All I can think of
		
01:19:21 --> 01:19:24
			is because he's seen his father do
it. So he thought that's the way
		
01:19:24 --> 01:19:27
			to lash out. That's the way to
react in an anger.
		
01:19:28 --> 01:19:31
			So if you've seen somebody do it,
you will do the same thing. It's
		
01:19:31 --> 01:19:34
			not the way to do it. In fact, I
believe that you don't even have
		
01:19:34 --> 01:19:38
			to hit your children. I mean, it
may even be illegal and that
		
01:19:38 --> 01:19:41
			stuff, but if you know a lot of
people, they think that they have
		
01:19:41 --> 01:19:44
			to beat their children up to get
them to do stuff. That's the that
		
01:19:44 --> 01:19:48
			was seen as the last resort before
anyway. Right? You know, even
		
01:19:48 --> 01:19:51
			Traditionally, when people used to
hit, the way you do it is you just
		
01:19:51 --> 01:19:52
			frown.
		
01:19:53 --> 01:19:57
			You just taught or frown. That's
the first stage. If that doesn't
		
01:19:57 --> 01:19:59
			sort them out, then you give them
a stern look or a stern word
		
01:20:00 --> 01:20:05
			To select second level, the third
level, if that doesn't work is you
		
01:20:05 --> 01:20:09
			say, Okay, fine. You can't play
for one hour or you can't do this.
		
01:20:09 --> 01:20:12
			So you can't do that. Right? If
that doesn't work, okay, you know
		
01:20:12 --> 01:20:15
			what, you really need to just go
into that corner or that room, you
		
01:20:15 --> 01:20:19
			can't play with everybody else.
And just think why. Reflection,
		
01:20:20 --> 01:20:23
			you understand? If you use these
stages, you will never have to get
		
01:20:23 --> 01:20:26
			to the highest stage, you start
off by hitting.
		
01:20:27 --> 01:20:28
			What do you have beyond that?
		
01:20:30 --> 01:20:33
			If you start with the chapter, you
want to go into a belt next or
		
01:20:33 --> 01:20:33
			what?
		
01:20:35 --> 01:20:39
			Ridiculous, you don't have to do
that. There has to be a system in
		
01:20:39 --> 01:20:44
			place. Right? And believe me, the
system works. You know, you don't
		
01:20:44 --> 01:20:45
			have to hit at all.
		
01:20:47 --> 01:20:50
			So what methods can be used to
create an environment where
		
01:20:50 --> 01:20:53
			children have discussion so that
they can approach us you just
		
01:20:53 --> 01:20:57
			start a discussion, random
discussion on some issue, and then
		
01:20:57 --> 01:21:00
			see what they say, if you're never
used to a discussion, and B might
		
01:21:00 --> 01:21:04
			be difficult in the beginning to
do that, right. But just start off
		
01:21:04 --> 01:21:08
			a discussion find a talking point,
or whatever it is, like, do you
		
01:21:08 --> 01:21:13
			see? So I would say like, you
know, in your school do kids? Is
		
01:21:13 --> 01:21:14
			anybody on drugs?
		
01:21:15 --> 01:21:19
			Just random question. Yeah, there
is this guy, whatever, and so on,
		
01:21:20 --> 01:21:23
			right? In your school? Is there
somebody who does that? You can
		
01:21:23 --> 01:21:26
			just start off like that, then you
know, the way they will say
		
01:21:26 --> 01:21:30
			praising Lee disapprovingly? You
know where we are with this. You
		
01:21:30 --> 01:21:31
			just have to be a bit creative
about it, I guess.
		
01:21:33 --> 01:21:36
			What, what advice can you give
when parents are not understanding
		
01:21:36 --> 01:21:38
			parent to child then behave
different with each one? So your
		
01:21:38 --> 01:21:42
			relationship, there's no magic
sword your relationship out?
		
01:21:43 --> 01:21:45
			Otherwise send him to somebody
else to bring up like the
		
01:21:45 --> 01:21:47
			grandfather or somebody who's got
otherwise there's no, there's no
		
01:21:47 --> 01:21:50
			merit, there's no magic and remake
a lot of doors due to Allah
		
01:21:50 --> 01:21:53
			subhanaw taala. If a father is on
the phone all the time, so he
		
01:21:53 --> 01:21:56
			doesn't give time to mother or
son? What can we do to stop this?
		
01:21:56 --> 01:21:59
			And how will this affect the
child, I don't know how it's gonna
		
01:21:59 --> 01:22:02
			definitely have an effect. But
you're gonna if you want to change
		
01:22:02 --> 01:22:06
			this, I've got lots of lectures
about the marital issues online on
		
01:22:06 --> 01:22:09
			zum zum Academy. So I'll leave you
to that have discussed that a lot.
		
01:22:09 --> 01:22:12
			But Briefly speaking, what you
have been using for the last five,
		
01:22:12 --> 01:22:15
			six years to try to change your
husband is not working, then stop
		
01:22:15 --> 01:22:18
			using that way, it's not going to
work, because it hasn't worked.
		
01:22:20 --> 01:22:24
			He knows that's all you do. So
change your style, use a different
		
01:22:24 --> 01:22:29
			power, maybe a soft power, soft,
feminine power. If not that, then
		
01:22:29 --> 01:22:33
			take a stand. Get somebody else
involved. If you don't do
		
01:22:33 --> 01:22:36
			anything, it's not gonna make it
you're making dua only nothing's
		
01:22:36 --> 01:22:40
			gonna happen unless there's a time
of acceptance and you get a Kurama
		
01:22:40 --> 01:22:44
			and a miracle. But miracles don't
happen often. Get somebody
		
01:22:44 --> 01:22:48
			involved. Think of it this way,
right? You got husband and wife
		
01:22:48 --> 01:22:51
			for those who can see on two
sides. If they have a problem,
		
01:22:51 --> 01:22:53
			then just imagine that the ground
		
01:22:55 --> 01:23:00
			they go slightly down like a foot
into the ground. Now for them to
		
01:23:00 --> 01:23:02
			come back together, they have to
come out and be nice to one
		
01:23:02 --> 01:23:06
			another and resolve it. If you
don't sort that out. And they have
		
01:23:06 --> 01:23:09
			another problem, you go another
half a foot in the ground, and you
		
01:23:09 --> 01:23:12
			have a third problem. And they go
another half a foot in the ground
		
01:23:12 --> 01:23:17
			and over 510 15 years you're gonna
go 20 feet down. So you both can't
		
01:23:17 --> 01:23:21
			even see each other see eye to eye
anymore. only way you can resolve
		
01:23:21 --> 01:23:24
			you both come out somehow but
you're not willing to because you
		
01:23:24 --> 01:23:27
			both want to stay in your trench
you think you're secure and you're
		
01:23:27 --> 01:23:30
			right. That's why it's better to
sort this out when you're only
		
01:23:30 --> 01:23:34
			half a foot or one foot down then
when you're 20 feet down after 20
		
01:23:34 --> 01:23:34
			years
		
01:23:36 --> 01:23:41
			I'm dealing with several over 20
year old marriages some with other
		
01:23:41 --> 01:23:43
			man adamite as well they've just
		
01:23:45 --> 01:23:48
			put it under the carpet they've
just messed around with it for all
		
01:23:48 --> 01:23:51
			this time. And now while they
after the children are you know
		
01:23:51 --> 01:23:56
			mature and ready to get married.
Now they want to they want out of
		
01:23:56 --> 01:24:00
			the marriage is so difficult. I've
been trying with one we've been
		
01:24:00 --> 01:24:04
			trying with one couple is now
nearly the third year. I can't
		
01:24:04 --> 01:24:06
			believe they're not divorced yet.
There's like some desire to get
		
01:24:06 --> 01:24:11
			back but they just can't. They
just can't change their ways. Get
		
01:24:13 --> 01:24:18
			out help sooner than later. That's
the secret get help sooner than
		
01:24:18 --> 01:24:22
			later. And don't go running to
your mum all the time. Mums
		
01:24:22 --> 01:24:25
			unusual usually not always
sometimes a very fair, but mums
		
01:24:25 --> 01:24:28
			are not usually the best idea.
I've seen marriages break because
		
01:24:29 --> 01:24:32
			the first person you went to for a
little small issue you went to
		
01:24:32 --> 01:24:32
			your mum
		
01:24:34 --> 01:24:38
			because mama met very sentimental,
but some mums are very good. So it
		
01:24:38 --> 01:24:40
			just depends you better know your
mom, is she going to help you? Or
		
01:24:40 --> 01:24:41
			is she just going to
		
01:24:42 --> 01:24:45
			support you to break your
marriage? You need to be honest
		
01:24:45 --> 01:24:47
			enough to think about that. I've
seen many mums break their
		
01:24:47 --> 01:24:51
			marriage on some are very decent
Mashallah. How can we address the
		
01:24:51 --> 01:24:55
			issue of a nine year old who finds
it easy to lie first find out why
		
01:24:55 --> 01:24:59
			they lie. Do you tell untruths do
you say when somebody comes to
		
01:24:59 --> 01:24:59
			your house that
		
01:25:00 --> 01:25:00
			He's not here.
		
01:25:02 --> 01:25:08
			Do you do this weird flex flexing
of the truth? They've just
		
01:25:08 --> 01:25:09
			probably learned it from you.
		
01:25:10 --> 01:25:13
			A lot of the time they do. But we
know why we're doing it. We think
		
01:25:13 --> 01:25:16
			children don't know, they're not
discriminating of why they do it.
		
01:25:16 --> 01:25:21
			So they just do it as they want.
That's number one. Number two, we
		
01:25:21 --> 01:25:23
			have to tell them it's not right.
And we have to show them the
		
01:25:24 --> 01:25:28
			the importance of truth and the
problem with the FARC,
		
01:25:28 --> 01:25:32
			essentially, of hypocrisy and how
it's bad for your heart, and how
		
01:25:32 --> 01:25:35
			you will you don't want to be
different outside to how you are
		
01:25:35 --> 01:25:38
			inside, you know, you explain all
of that to them, and hopefully
		
01:25:38 --> 01:25:40
			they can change inshallah.
Inshallah. It's just the passing
		
01:25:40 --> 01:25:44
			phase. When spouses are of
different parenting approach,
		
01:25:44 --> 01:25:48
			what's the best way forward,
either make matura and agree to
		
01:25:48 --> 01:25:52
			some arrangement. Otherwise, find
somebody else you can go to who
		
01:25:52 --> 01:25:55
			will decide between you, if you
can't agree, find somebody neutral
		
01:25:55 --> 01:25:59
			and decent, who can who can assist
you? How does a parent repent, if
		
01:25:59 --> 01:26:02
			they've been tough on their kids
beyond bounds, just be nice to
		
01:26:02 --> 01:26:05
			them now without overdoing it, and
just try to and inshallah it will
		
01:26:05 --> 01:26:09
			be sorted out, just be very good
to them now, and maybe, you know,
		
01:26:09 --> 01:26:14
			say, Look, I need to do this in a
better way. And just do that don't
		
01:26:14 --> 01:26:16
			cry over it. Otherwise, you know,
just gonna get worse. So
		
01:26:17 --> 01:26:20
			seek forgiveness from Allah
subhanho wa taala. And just start
		
01:26:20 --> 01:26:23
			being extra nice to the children,
but not in a way to spoil them
		
01:26:23 --> 01:26:26
			obviously. Right. And inshallah
it'll take, it'll take some time,
		
01:26:26 --> 01:26:29
			but it will be sorted in sha
Allah. Is there a need of a
		
01:26:29 --> 01:26:32
			British Muslim identity to
reinforce positive cultural
		
01:26:32 --> 01:26:35
			influence in our children?
Absolutely. It's just I spoke
		
01:26:35 --> 01:26:38
			about it in the other in the other
Masjid. So I didn't speak about it
		
01:26:38 --> 01:26:39
			here. But
		
01:26:41 --> 01:26:45
			whether you like it or not, we are
creating a new Muslim identity
		
01:26:45 --> 01:26:48
			identity. And what is the
identity? Let me just take two
		
01:26:48 --> 01:26:49
			minutes for that.
		
01:26:50 --> 01:26:53
			When people are in the same place,
we're in the same village,
		
01:26:53 --> 01:26:56
			everybody has the same identity,
they the same kind of food, they
		
01:26:56 --> 01:26:59
			wear the same dress. We've come to
England right
		
01:27:00 --> 01:27:03
			now, where I live, and I've
traveled a lot, so I've got
		
01:27:03 --> 01:27:07
			Moroccans. I've got Bangladeshis,
I've got Pakistanis, I've got
		
01:27:08 --> 01:27:13
			other news I've got, and I've got
the fish and chips, and the
		
01:27:13 --> 01:27:18
			Italian pizza and all of that, we
take the best. And we remove every
		
01:27:18 --> 01:27:23
			one of us, has a culture. Nobody
can escape culture. There's some
		
01:27:23 --> 01:27:28
			people that I'm not cultural, I'm
a cultural you are, you don't know
		
01:27:28 --> 01:27:32
			what you're talking about.
Everybody has a culture, all
		
01:27:32 --> 01:27:35
			you've done is that you've taken
off, or you've become a self
		
01:27:35 --> 01:27:39
			hating, Gujarati, or Bengali or
whatever it is, and you've just
		
01:27:39 --> 01:27:42
			taken on a new culture, because
culture is part of our life.
		
01:27:42 --> 01:27:46
			Culture is the way we dress.
Culture is what we eat. Culture is
		
01:27:46 --> 01:27:50
			the way we behave. Now, nobody
here who's been born in this
		
01:27:50 --> 01:27:54
			country, or have come and stayed
here for 20 years. You know, when
		
01:27:54 --> 01:27:57
			you go back to Congo? Don't you
feel a bit? They do a few weird
		
01:27:57 --> 01:27:57
			things.
		
01:27:59 --> 01:28:00
			Yeah, right.
		
01:28:01 --> 01:28:05
			Why? Because we've understood it
from it. Now we've picked up
		
01:28:05 --> 01:28:09
			slightly different culture. It's
as simple as that. Anybody who's
		
01:28:09 --> 01:28:13
			still in this country who still
thinks they're 100% Punjabi
		
01:28:13 --> 01:28:15
			culture, they're not, you can't be
		
01:28:16 --> 01:28:20
			it's impossible. Culture is what
you take on. We need to drop the
		
01:28:20 --> 01:28:23
			bad culture from our cultures,
because there's all these bad
		
01:28:23 --> 01:28:26
			elements, especially related to
marriage, and all that kind of
		
01:28:26 --> 01:28:28
			stuff. We need to drop that we
need to take the best of our
		
01:28:28 --> 01:28:33
			culture and take the best of any
other culture. For example, you go
		
01:28:33 --> 01:28:36
			to some people's house and they
force you to eat they put the food
		
01:28:36 --> 01:28:39
			in your plate. And then there's
some cultures like my friend from
		
01:28:39 --> 01:28:43
			half Egyptian Palestinian, he was
in Egypt, he went to a friend's
		
01:28:43 --> 01:28:45
			house he had already eaten the
friend said you better eat he
		
01:28:45 --> 01:28:49
			said, I've already eaten I'm you
know, I'm watching my is careful
		
01:28:49 --> 01:28:54
			about what he says I'm not going
to eat. So he said, Wallah, he my
		
01:28:54 --> 01:28:56
			wife is divorced if you don't eat.
		
01:28:58 --> 01:29:03
			That's messed up. Now, if my if my
friend was stubborn, he could say
		
01:29:03 --> 01:29:06
			I don't care about your metal
Botanica, but show me attorney
		
01:29:06 --> 01:29:06
			conga.
		
01:29:08 --> 01:29:11
			George I have Kudlow metal
batanga, Madani conga,
		
01:29:12 --> 01:29:17
			right. It's ridiculous. You go to
some people's house, you go to
		
01:29:17 --> 01:29:21
			some cultures, would you like some
tea? And you're like a bit
		
01:29:21 --> 01:29:22
			embarrassed to say no. Okay, no
problem.
		
01:29:24 --> 01:29:26
			And you really want to you think
like, he's gonna say, Yeah, you
		
01:29:26 --> 01:29:29
			know, because you're used to that.
And then there's some cultures
		
01:29:29 --> 01:29:32
			like, they just bring the tea and
everything.
		
01:29:33 --> 01:29:37
			Joe, can I call up? And this is
like, Would you like some tea like
		
01:29:37 --> 01:29:40
			what you really want some tea?
These are various different
		
01:29:40 --> 01:29:45
			cultures. So pick which is the
best. I just told our Moroccan
		
01:29:45 --> 01:29:48
			Imams of the eye. We have Moroccan
Harira soup and tajine in the
		
01:29:48 --> 01:29:52
			house and I'm actually wearing
this Moroccan dress. I would never
		
01:29:52 --> 01:29:57
			wear this in Gujarat. I've been to
Gujarat from India in the madrasa
		
01:29:58 --> 01:29:59
			and you wear anything different
they look at you
		
01:30:00 --> 01:30:04
			because they all one way, there's
not much variety. They only now
		
01:30:04 --> 01:30:08
			Saudi Juba find and Alba before
when I was the 9097 98. I was Bin
		
01:30:08 --> 01:30:09
			Laden
		
01:30:10 --> 01:30:14
			for them, right? You understand?
It's just when you got strong
		
01:30:14 --> 01:30:16
			cultures, then you can't do
anything different. It's very
		
01:30:16 --> 01:30:18
			difficult to go against that. But
here we need to find out what
		
01:30:18 --> 01:30:22
			culture we are. And many people
have figured that out. I think we
		
01:30:22 --> 01:30:24
			just don't call it a British
culture. Otherwise, it is there.
		
01:30:25 --> 01:30:29
			Right? So now, there's going to be
multiple variations. I don't think
		
01:30:29 --> 01:30:34
			we can put everybody on the same
British culture. So converts,
		
01:30:34 --> 01:30:37
			they're going to have a certain
British culture, we can't expect
		
01:30:37 --> 01:30:42
			them to be like, have elements of
Indian culture. Although to be
		
01:30:42 --> 01:30:45
			honest, Indian food is everywhere,
so that they're gonna have to have
		
01:30:45 --> 01:30:47
			everybody's gonna have Indian food
in this country. That's Indian
		
01:30:47 --> 01:30:50
			culture. That's part of Indian
culture, which has become British
		
01:30:50 --> 01:30:54
			culture now. Right? Culture is a
very important idea. This people
		
01:30:54 --> 01:30:57
			will come and say, I don't want to
get married to a Gujarati or a
		
01:30:57 --> 01:30:59
			Punjabi what I said, why not? So
they come with baggage.
		
01:31:01 --> 01:31:04
			said okay, who do you wanna marry
them a convert, I said, they just
		
01:31:04 --> 01:31:08
			come with a different baggage.
Everybody comes with baggage. It's
		
01:31:08 --> 01:31:11
			just that you don't like this
baggage because you're used to it
		
01:31:11 --> 01:31:14
			and you found some bad elements to
it. Well, they're just gonna come
		
01:31:14 --> 01:31:16
			with a different baggage and you
better get used to that. There's
		
01:31:16 --> 01:31:20
			nothing wrong with it though. So
remember, that culture is very
		
01:31:20 --> 01:31:23
			important. You can never be a
cultural which means you can never
		
01:31:23 --> 01:31:26
			be against culture and never have
any culture because whatever you
		
01:31:26 --> 01:31:27
			do is cultural.
		
01:31:29 --> 01:31:32
			But when I mean for example, if
you look at me right now I'm
		
01:31:32 --> 01:31:35
			supposed to be from you know, I'm
supposed to be a Gujarati and I'm
		
01:31:35 --> 01:31:38
			proud to be a good job. I'm pretty
problem with that. Not in an
		
01:31:38 --> 01:31:41
			arrogant way Allah to protect us
from that, right. But this thobe
		
01:31:41 --> 01:31:44
			here that I'm wearing this Juba
here, Saudi probably made in
		
01:31:44 --> 01:31:48
			China. This this thing here is
Moroccan, but it's been specially
		
01:31:48 --> 01:31:51
			made in Jordan. Right? This watch
is Japanese, this phone is
		
01:31:54 --> 01:32:01
			your phone. Mine is Korean. Right?
Socks, American, and
		
01:32:02 --> 01:32:09
			it's just wear mixture now. So
what is the identity? Who defines
		
01:32:09 --> 01:32:14
			that? And let it be a flexible
culture with certain norms, which
		
01:32:14 --> 01:32:18
			is because Islam gives us
boundaries, and general guidance,
		
01:32:18 --> 01:32:21
			as long as we're within that,
that's completely fine. But if
		
01:32:21 --> 01:32:25
			somebody wants us like, this is
British culture, whatever that is,
		
01:32:26 --> 01:32:28
			what is British culture?
		
01:32:31 --> 01:32:33
			You understand? So that I guess
that's what we're talking about
		
01:32:33 --> 01:32:37
			here. That all the good that is in
all cultures take it on.
		
01:32:38 --> 01:32:42
			So in my house, we cook Gujarati
food, but we also cook Moroccan
		
01:32:42 --> 01:32:48
			food, Lebanese food, homeless, and
so on. Right? Syrian food, and,
		
01:32:48 --> 01:32:52
			and bits of because I've traveled
quite a bit so you find things my
		
01:32:52 --> 01:32:55
			wife made Shakshuka yesterday,
which is an egg dish, it's an
		
01:32:55 --> 01:33:00
			Arabic egg dish. It's fine.
Nothing wrong with doing that in
		
01:33:00 --> 01:33:00
			Gujarati is right.
		
01:33:03 --> 01:33:06
			How can we build tolerance and
patience while doing the third we
		
01:33:06 --> 01:33:08
			have children, it can be very
hard, we choose the easier route
		
01:33:09 --> 01:33:12
			server server understand the long
game, this is a long game, by the
		
01:33:12 --> 01:33:14
			way, you're not gonna get
response, you're not gonna get a
		
01:33:14 --> 01:33:17
			reaction straightaway. And
remember, your benefit of that
		
01:33:17 --> 01:33:21
			will be shown 20 years later, 30
years later, when you're old, or
		
01:33:21 --> 01:33:24
			even after your death, but
remember, you're leaving a legacy.
		
01:33:24 --> 01:33:27
			Let that drive you inshallah. My
child, I'm going to quickly just
		
01:33:27 --> 01:33:29
			finish this on my child is six
years old, and she only eats her
		
01:33:29 --> 01:33:31
			food while watching her iPad.
Fine, they will break the habit
		
01:33:31 --> 01:33:33
			who started that off?
		
01:33:34 --> 01:33:38
			How did she have an iPad at home?
My kids aren't allowed iPad except
		
01:33:38 --> 01:33:40
			in the weekend. So where did this
iPad come from?
		
01:33:44 --> 01:33:47
			I mean, why don't you use the same
strategy of how to wean them off
		
01:33:47 --> 01:33:47
			milk?
		
01:33:49 --> 01:33:51
			What strategy did you use for
that?
		
01:33:53 --> 01:33:56
			Use the same strategy, let them
cry one day. How long are they
		
01:33:56 --> 01:33:57
			going to cry for?
		
01:33:59 --> 01:34:02
			They should be there's a lot of
research on this. You need to
		
01:34:02 --> 01:34:06
			probably keep the iPad away from
them for a whole month to let it
		
01:34:06 --> 01:34:08
			come out of their system.
		
01:34:09 --> 01:34:11
			And then they'll be completely
fine. They won't be depend on the
		
01:34:11 --> 01:34:11
			iPad.
		
01:34:13 --> 01:34:17
			Let them be away from the iPad for
a month. So psychologically the
		
01:34:17 --> 01:34:22
			hard wiring of their brain to want
an iPad while they're eating that
		
01:34:22 --> 01:34:24
			will be disconnected. They're
still children. They'll understand
		
01:34:24 --> 01:34:27
			that and then you will be fine
inshallah. But you know, you will
		
01:34:27 --> 01:34:28
			have to bear the crime.
		
01:34:30 --> 01:34:31
			And break your heart
		
01:34:34 --> 01:34:37
			is the schooling and mucked up
system outdated since kids are
		
01:34:37 --> 01:34:41
			nine hours away from home and get
really tired?
		
01:34:42 --> 01:34:46
			It's not outdated, because this
isn't what they did in other
		
01:34:46 --> 01:34:49
			countries. In most Muslim
countries. It was all part of the
		
01:34:49 --> 01:34:54
			system. So the only way to beat
the system is to have a fully
		
01:34:54 --> 01:34:58
			integrated Islamic school with
both things done well. Because a
		
01:34:58 --> 01:35:00
			lot of the not a lot but
		
01:35:00 --> 01:35:02
			At least some of the subjects in
the regular school are waste of
		
01:35:02 --> 01:35:07
			time. They filler subjects, they
don't contribute to, you know, so
		
01:35:07 --> 01:35:12
			you either get a proper Islamic
school, and I mean, we all went
		
01:35:12 --> 01:35:15
			through McDouble Hamdulillah I
think we're fine. We did Normal
		
01:35:15 --> 01:35:19
			School, and we did mucked up as
well. And we're fine. We're not
		
01:35:19 --> 01:35:22
			that destroyed away. So I don't
know why you're mollycoddling
		
01:35:22 --> 01:35:27
			them, right? Give them better
food. I'm just having a I'm just
		
01:35:27 --> 01:35:31
			having a little thing right? Give
them better diet maybe so that
		
01:35:31 --> 01:35:34
			they don't feel too tired. Maybe
they got an iron deficiency or
		
01:35:34 --> 01:35:36
			something, give them some
vitamins, give them some good food
		
01:35:36 --> 01:35:41
			rather than just chocolates and,
and so on. No fish in the fish is
		
01:35:41 --> 01:35:45
			good. The chips is too much potato
and starch. How can you raise your
		
01:35:45 --> 01:35:48
			child the way you want with the
salmon values while having family
		
01:35:48 --> 01:35:50
			you have different values and your
child that needs a whole ban?
		
01:35:52 --> 01:35:54
			My kid is having I think I've
discussed a lot of these issues
		
01:35:54 --> 01:35:57
			today. You just do your best and
ask Allah subhanaw taala and
		
01:35:57 --> 01:36:00
			inshallah you will change your
family ultimately, if they see a
		
01:36:00 --> 01:36:04
			good model in your children. Okay.
And my kid is having anger issues.
		
01:36:04 --> 01:36:06
			I think I've answered that
already. Any thoughts or
		
01:36:06 --> 01:36:09
			suggestions? Your anger? Why are
they getting? Is it because one of
		
01:36:09 --> 01:36:11
			you is getting angry? Or what are
the trigger points? What makes
		
01:36:11 --> 01:36:14
			them angry? Is there a
frustration? Do they feel
		
01:36:14 --> 01:36:17
			deprived? Do they feel
discriminated against? There could
		
01:36:17 --> 01:36:21
			be multiple reasons for why they
feeling angry? Try to find out the
		
01:36:21 --> 01:36:25
			reasons then inshallah we can help
them any thoughts or suggestions
		
01:36:25 --> 01:36:29
			on the age to give the child a
mobile phone I think around 16
		
01:36:31 --> 01:36:33
			within the home, right, how to
create a strong
		
01:36:36 --> 01:36:39
			strong Muslim agent simple thing
is that if we can develop God
		
01:36:39 --> 01:36:43
			consciousness in them, meaning
Taqwa that they can do namaste for
		
01:36:43 --> 01:36:47
			Allah rather than for you, then we
are successful and how do we do
		
01:36:47 --> 01:36:51
			that? We do that organically. What
that means is we're bringing ALLAH
		
01:36:51 --> 01:36:54
			SubhanA wa Tada as mentioned in
every discussion, not every
		
01:36:54 --> 01:36:57
			discussion, but in discussions
like you got a new set of
		
01:36:57 --> 01:37:02
			clothing, you know what we not you
we really need to thank Allah that
		
01:37:02 --> 01:37:05
			He gives us so much. Look how
beautiful that is. And look at
		
01:37:05 --> 01:37:10
			those guys don't get we're so
lucky. Look at this food. Like
		
01:37:10 --> 01:37:13
			every time you enjoy the food that
you eat, just Allahu Akbar, we
		
01:37:13 --> 01:37:17
			have so much to be thankful to
Allah for. organically. You just
		
01:37:17 --> 01:37:21
			mentioned that you can't get this
into your children until it's at
		
01:37:21 --> 01:37:27
			home. Number two you glorify and
scholarship and Islam.
		
01:37:29 --> 01:37:32
			There are a lot of people asked me
why did you follow this career
		
01:37:32 --> 01:37:36
			this this way? I can tell you and
I used to say my father's and
		
01:37:36 --> 01:37:41
			Maulana and a half is and his dad
was half is as well. My uncle is a
		
01:37:41 --> 01:37:47
			half is from my dad's side. And my
mom's dad was akari and her
		
01:37:47 --> 01:37:51
			brother was a Mufti and it just
runs in the family. Now that's
		
01:37:51 --> 01:37:54
			very useful for you isn't it? It
doesn't rain my family's okay, I
		
01:37:54 --> 01:37:58
			don't need to do that. Then I got
thinking because you get people in
		
01:37:58 --> 01:38:01
			the family have loads of those
kinds of people. Oh, they're all
		
01:38:01 --> 01:38:03
			businessman or they have all
doctors but they don't want to do
		
01:38:03 --> 01:38:09
			that. Really what it was is that
the Dean was glorified in my house
		
01:38:11 --> 01:38:15
			whenever a buzzer came or somebody
finishes be like wow, you know,
		
01:38:15 --> 01:38:19
			that guy's dead child he's become
half is of the Quran.
		
01:38:20 --> 01:38:25
			Look, he's gone to so and so
country for taraweeh. Look, he's
		
01:38:25 --> 01:38:26
			become an island.
		
01:38:27 --> 01:38:31
			On Amma. We're not criticized.
They were not looked down upon.
		
01:38:31 --> 01:38:35
			The Deen was glorified. We saw it
in practice. We saw the way it
		
01:38:35 --> 01:38:36
			worked.
		
01:38:37 --> 01:38:40
			And just leave you with one story.
There's a girl who's seven or
		
01:38:40 --> 01:38:44
			eight years old, her older
brother, nine years old, needed
		
01:38:44 --> 01:38:47
			glasses. He went to the optician
you know in the age they check the
		
01:38:47 --> 01:38:50
			eyes. He needed glasses. She
started making fun of him. You
		
01:38:50 --> 01:38:53
			need glasses. You got glasses,
you're gonna have glasses. So the
		
01:38:53 --> 01:38:58
			mother said to the daughter. Don't
make fun of him. Because your dad
		
01:38:58 --> 01:39:02
			has glasses. Your mom has glasses.
Your older brother has glasses.
		
01:39:02 --> 01:39:05
			You're gonna have glasses. It runs
in the family.
		
01:39:08 --> 01:39:12
			And then, okay, stop finish. 10
years later, no more said 10 years
		
01:39:12 --> 01:39:16
			later. She is now 1718 She's got
younger siblings as well. They
		
01:39:16 --> 01:39:17
			have glasses but she doesn't.
		
01:39:18 --> 01:39:21
			Everybody's got glasses except
her. Why doesn't she have glasses?
		
01:39:23 --> 01:39:23
			Yeah.
		
01:39:25 --> 01:39:26
			Allahu Akbar.
		
01:39:28 --> 01:39:31
			I think inshallah this ban has
been successful because the kids
		
01:39:31 --> 01:39:32
			are still awake.
		
01:39:33 --> 01:39:33
			Under
		
01:39:35 --> 01:39:36
			a lot of accept, so
		
01:39:39 --> 01:39:41
			Allah is going to give victory all
of those kids that are in Allah is
		
01:39:41 --> 01:39:44
			going to give victory. Although
there has to be there has to be
		
01:39:45 --> 01:39:46
			has to be so
		
01:39:48 --> 01:39:52
			she made dua but she only told
everybody a after when she's a
		
01:39:52 --> 01:39:56
			team that you know mom when you
told me that? I'm gonna get
		
01:39:56 --> 01:39:58
			glasses I started praying to Allah
subhanaw taala
		
01:40:00 --> 01:40:03
			Why did she start doing dua to
Allah answer me that question.
		
01:40:03 --> 01:40:07
			Okay? You saying that because she
wanted to prove her mom wrong and
		
01:40:07 --> 01:40:11
			she wanted to justify that she
made fun I don't think it was that
		
01:40:11 --> 01:40:14
			second one and it was good try
Mashallah. But I don't think it
		
01:40:14 --> 01:40:17
			was the first or second. She just
started feeling like no, I don't
		
01:40:17 --> 01:40:21
			want glasses. I'm going to ask
Allah not to give me glasses. My
		
01:40:21 --> 01:40:23
			question is why did she ask Allah
for?
		
01:40:27 --> 01:40:32
			Because she was brought up to, to
ask Allah. Now the mother at this
		
01:40:32 --> 01:40:35
			point should have said, Look, you
make dua, that Allah doesn't give
		
01:40:35 --> 01:40:37
			you it. She didn't. She forgot
about talking about that she has a
		
01:40:37 --> 01:40:42
			look, don't make fun of him. But
she decided herself, that I need
		
01:40:42 --> 01:40:45
			to make dua because she already
learned that do our works.
		
01:40:47 --> 01:40:51
			That is how you bring the faith in
the house because you teach them
		
01:40:51 --> 01:40:53
			that from a young age. You're
telling them stories of the
		
01:40:53 --> 01:40:57
			prophets were was accepted.
They're going to imbibe some of
		
01:40:57 --> 01:41:01
			them. That's why I read stories of
the prophets and the Sahaba it was
		
01:41:01 --> 01:41:04
			salam Radi Allahu Anhu to your
children, the young they imbibe a
		
01:41:04 --> 01:41:08
			lot from that some really
important goals. Now imagine if
		
01:41:08 --> 01:41:12
			your DUA has been accepted like
that? Are you going to doubt God?
		
01:41:12 --> 01:41:13
			Are you going to doubt Allah?
		
01:41:15 --> 01:41:19
			That's experiential. You've had
the experience and do is very
		
01:41:19 --> 01:41:22
			powerful. In my kids, what we've
done is that from a young age,
		
01:41:22 --> 01:41:25
			whenever they have a little pain
somewhere, instead of rushing to
		
01:41:25 --> 01:41:29
			get a paracetamol or something,
say, I read a bit adores me la
		
01:41:29 --> 01:41:32
			isla de la de Roma asked me he
said on philosophy will obviously
		
01:41:32 --> 01:41:34
			have some year on it, I will be
carrying metal lighter might even
		
01:41:34 --> 01:41:37
			show you Mahara Corolla, with any
sort of the fact that it grows and
		
01:41:37 --> 01:41:40
			blown them 50% Or more at a time
they get better.
		
01:41:42 --> 01:41:43
			Call that
		
01:41:45 --> 01:41:48
			placebo effect or God SIBO effect
or whatever you want to call it.
		
01:41:49 --> 01:41:52
			And they get old enough this they
read it for themselves.
		
01:41:53 --> 01:41:56
			I said put your hand on the pain
Allahu Murghab. They will know
		
01:41:56 --> 01:41:59
			this to Allah Murghab bananas, he
will buzz where she undershelf
		
01:41:59 --> 01:42:02
			Illa, Shiva, Shiva, Shiva Avila
yoga, they will supplement. We
		
01:42:02 --> 01:42:05
			don't just rely on that all the
time, we might give them medicine
		
01:42:05 --> 01:42:08
			as well as some name but for small
things just get better. You have
		
01:42:08 --> 01:42:13
			to teach them to invoke Allah. We
don't invoke Allah enough. We need
		
01:42:13 --> 01:42:17
			to get them to invoke introduce
the names of Allah to them. I'll
		
01:42:17 --> 01:42:19
			give you a simple example. And
we'll finish last point we'll just
		
01:42:19 --> 01:42:25
			finish here. I did. I produced
this copy of a Hezbollah
		
01:42:27 --> 01:42:30
			Arabic beautiful illuminated
edition to make it easy actually
		
01:42:30 --> 01:42:34
			did a Mokra here in this Masjid.
Before it was fully done, right?
		
01:42:34 --> 01:42:39
			It was Arabic only a lot of people
started asking for English. And so
		
01:42:39 --> 01:42:43
			in by 2021. I got the English
translation ready. I was very
		
01:42:43 --> 01:42:47
			happy with it. But I wasn't happy
with the design of how it should
		
01:42:47 --> 01:42:51
			look finally. So I kept it on the
backburner. And I just couldn't be
		
01:42:51 --> 01:42:53
			satisfied with the design and
finally after the summit, and I
		
01:42:53 --> 01:42:57
			said look, I'm wasting it, it
needs to come out. But who's going
		
01:42:57 --> 01:43:00
			to give me a design that I'm
satisfied with? I'm a bit fussy on
		
01:43:00 --> 01:43:04
			these things. So I decided that
you know what, I need to ask Allah
		
01:43:04 --> 01:43:07
			with a relevant name. Which name
is relevant
		
01:43:09 --> 01:43:11
			MUSAWAH which are the name is
irrelevant.
		
01:43:14 --> 01:43:15
			Jamil,
		
01:43:16 --> 01:43:20
			elegant, beautiful one. I called
out with the name of Allah
		
01:43:20 --> 01:43:23
			subhanaw taala. Within five
minutes, I had a design that I was
		
01:43:23 --> 01:43:27
			satisfied with. Allah responds, if
you call out to Him.
		
01:43:28 --> 01:43:32
			Believe me anything. You go out. I
go out on my bike. I ride on my
		
01:43:32 --> 01:43:36
			bike to madrasah right? Because
just traffic and all of that is a
		
01:43:36 --> 01:43:39
			crazy it's good for you and
sometimes starts raining or it's
		
01:43:39 --> 01:43:42
			gonna rain and you're like, Oh, no
Allahumma Hawala. You know whether
		
01:43:42 --> 01:43:46
			I Dana, oh Allah around us or not
on us, most of the time it works.
		
01:43:48 --> 01:43:49
			Most of the time it works.
		
01:43:50 --> 01:43:52
			Once I was in love theta T sub
		
01:43:53 --> 01:43:58
			where we were in Jordan, and we're
just waiting to visit. It's a
		
01:43:58 --> 01:44:04
			conference that we were members of
and as myself move this up, mana
		
01:44:04 --> 01:44:09
			Madani sub, my godmother, Lisa, so
we're sitting there waiting for
		
01:44:09 --> 01:44:14
			the next meeting. And I had
developed a stomach problem. I
		
01:44:14 --> 01:44:17
			don't know what I had said, No, I
was just pain in the stomach, my
		
01:44:17 --> 01:44:22
			number Denisa he goes to 50 He
goes to me, he said, If move this
		
01:44:22 --> 01:44:27
			up, puts his hand on your stomach
and pray and makes dua you will be
		
01:44:27 --> 01:44:27
			so
		
01:44:29 --> 01:44:32
			I'm like that's not going to
happen. I said how bilkul I said
		
01:44:32 --> 01:44:36
			hazard if you can do it. It was a
bit of a banter. I removed the
		
01:44:36 --> 01:44:39
			service mashallah of the turkeys
are we talking about? I didn't
		
01:44:39 --> 01:44:43
			expect that you know, so I said so
move these turkeys up said oh, he
		
01:44:43 --> 01:44:48
			can do it himself then do I will
be effective. So I decided to put
		
01:44:48 --> 01:44:52
			it in I said but assert would do
IJA button. Do I owe her a
		
01:44:52 --> 01:44:57
			believer in the foster door to be
accepted is for by a person for a
		
01:44:57 --> 01:44:59
			person who is not present. So you
said but I'm present your present
		
01:45:00 --> 01:45:00
			But
		
01:45:01 --> 01:45:04
			then Allah bless him Allah bless
him Allah bless him raise the
		
01:45:04 --> 01:45:07
			resume or he put his hand on my
stomach and did the DUA not the
		
01:45:07 --> 01:45:11
			alarm Robin as the other one what
is it? What is the other dua for
		
01:45:11 --> 01:45:15
			Shiva I forget the beginning words
that one yeah louder
		
01:45:18 --> 01:45:21
			or yesterday that one he said it
several times right? And
		
01:45:21 --> 01:45:25
			hamdulillah within an hour or two
I was fine. These things work man
		
01:45:25 --> 01:45:29
			they work is just that when you
take your tablet, take your tablet
		
01:45:29 --> 01:45:33
			but say yeah Shafi when you're
taking it when you're asking for
		
01:45:33 --> 01:45:36
			something, use the right name you
know read the take the 99 names of
		
01:45:36 --> 01:45:41
			Allah and adopt a few for your
current situation. And you will
		
01:45:41 --> 01:45:46
			find the amazing because Allah
loves to be known. And he he gives
		
01:45:46 --> 01:45:49
			a lot when when you recognize him
so teach our children that
		
01:45:49 --> 01:45:50
			organically and inshallah
		
01:45:52 --> 01:45:55
			Allah bless this program. I know
it's gone late.
		
01:45:56 --> 01:46:01
			But Masha Allah, may Allah bless
your sacrifices on this Saturday
		
01:46:01 --> 01:46:04
			night, right? It's a Saturday
night when you could have been
		
01:46:04 --> 01:46:06
			doing so many things you could
have been going out to eat. You
		
01:46:06 --> 01:46:10
			could have been watching football,
you could have been just bantering
		
01:46:10 --> 01:46:14
			and doing a lot of other stuff but
you've decided to stay here and
		
01:46:15 --> 01:46:18
			Masha Allah, so may Allah, not
just bless us but bless our
		
01:46:18 --> 01:46:21
			progenies until the Day of
Judgment. After that run, I'm
		
01:46:21 --> 01:46:26
			hamdulillahi rabbil Alameen. The
point of a lecture is to encourage
		
01:46:26 --> 01:46:31
			people to act to get further an
inspiration and encouragement,
		
01:46:31 --> 01:46:35
			persuasion. The next step is to
actually start learning seriously
		
01:46:35 --> 01:46:39
			to read books to take on a subject
of Islam and to understand all the
		
01:46:39 --> 01:46:43
			subjects of Islam at least at the
basic level, so that we can become
		
01:46:43 --> 01:46:47
			more aware of what our deen wants
from us. And that's why we started
		
01:46:47 --> 01:46:52
			Rayyan courses so that you can
actually take organize lectures on
		
01:46:52 --> 01:46:55
			demand whenever you have free
time, especially for example, the
		
01:46:56 --> 01:46:59
			Islamic essentials course that we
have on there, the Islamic
		
01:46:59 --> 01:47:04
			essentials certificate which you
take 20 Short modules and at the
		
01:47:04 --> 01:47:09
			end of that inshallah you will
have gotten the basics of most of
		
01:47:09 --> 01:47:12
			the most important topics in Islam
and you'll feel a lot more
		
01:47:12 --> 01:47:15
			confident. You don't have to leave
lectures behind you can continue
		
01:47:15 --> 01:47:18
			to live, you know to listen to
lectures, but you need to have
		
01:47:18 --> 01:47:21
			this more sustained study as well
as local law here and Salam
		
01:47:21 --> 01:47:22
			aleikum wa rahmatullah wa
barakato.