Abdur Rahman ibn Yusuf Mangera – Overeating and Excessive Sexual Desire (Through Ghazali’s Ihya’)
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Kulu shabu wala 234.
So, the cola hula, we
do respected friends and our brothers and our sisters.
There are many, many ways in which a person can either have
shortcomings or can have access in their life.
Allah subhanaw taala wants us to be the perfect human being
perfection. And beauty is defined as proportion.
Proportion means when you consider something to be beautiful, it's
because it's in the right proportion,
the symmetry, the equality, the moderation is in proportion and
human beings are naturally inclined
towards beauty and towards perfect proportion.
So, in everything,
including not just our physique, not just the way we look.
A lot of the time, the way we look is not something we have much
control over.
I mean, I know people have plastic surgery, and they do facelifts and
they do facial fillers. And they do a lot of these other things to
try to correct what they think is a flaw. And in some cases, it's
not a flaw, they just want to aesthetically, look more pleasing.
But what we have to understand is that more importantly, looks are
important. We're not saying they're not important, because
looks are important for a lot of people. But what's more is that
when you get something, whether that be a product, whether that be
somebody you live with somebody you stay with, just looks are not
going to be enough. Especially if it's another human being. For
example, you want a business partner,
you want a spouse, a husband is looking for a wife, a wife is
looking for a husband, if your entire focus is just outward
beauty, then that's not the right way to look at it. Because that's
not why you get married or this that's not why you do a business.
You're not just gonna look and stare at somebody's beauty all day
long.
That's not what people are there for. You interact with people.
In turn interaction is probably more than how much you look at
somebody.
Interaction is where the real beauty needs to be. Because
interaction and interaction comes through a HELOC and character
through conduct.
How'd you get conduct how'd you get the perfect conduct? Well,
there's several things within us which have to be balanced to get
the most perfect or as close to perfect as possible character. If
somebody gets angry too quickly, then they can't have good
character.
Unless they control that anger, they learn to control it. Allah
has made us all in different ways. Some of us He makes us get angry
quickly. Some of us get angry quickly and calm down very slowly.
Some of us get angry quickly, but we come down very fast as well.
And some of us don't get angry quickly. It takes a long time to
get us angry.
So these are different challenges that we all have. Then there is of
course greed
of the stomach wanting to fulfill the stomach, which then comes from
the eyes. It comes from the tongue it comes from the taste all of
that is linked.
So we have to have moderation in all of these things. If you have
too much, then we will be indulgent.
It will lead to problems like gluttony. Gluttony means
overeating.
Unfortunately, today it's become very easy to overeat.
The reason is that just take the example if you go to a hotel, a
decent hotel, a five star four star hotel and you just go for
breakfast, how many things will be on the menu for us to eat?
What's the variety? If you look at just the cereals, there will be
maybe about four or five different types of cereals, not just a
cereals. There'll be lots of other things you can add into the
cereal.
Then you go to the bread department. And there'll be
various different types of breads, and things you can eat with the
bread.
And then depending on where you are, there's going to be many
different types of foods. So generally, when you see all of
this food,
unless we have a discipline, then you want to go and try everything
out.
And
it's, why are we trying everything out when everything is going to
become the same once we eat it?
And is it even healthy to have 10 different types of foods, or five
different types of food at once going into your stomach? You might
I mean, most of us are educated about these things about chemical
reactions, foods mixing with one another causing different things.
SubhanAllah. You know, when you think about it, this way that
we're putting so much of a
complicated mixture of things in our body, the pleasure of it was
only when we were looking at it, they look beautiful. And then when
we ate it,
after it, it's gone into the stomach, and it's going to the
stomach has to work hard. Now, to deal with this.
The stomach has to process this, it has to go through this whole
industry inside for it to then to take the benefit the beneficial
part of it, and to remove the harms of it, so that it doesn't
stay in the body.
So that's a very difficult one. And out of the two major
challenges that human beings have one is filling the stomach, and
the other one is fulfilling
the desire of the private parts, so fulfilling the desire of the
stomach and fulfilling the desire of the private part. These are two
things. Now where do you think the eyes come into this, the eyes are
linked to both parts. So there's certain things you see and you
want to eat them. There's certain things you want to see, and you
want to fulfill your sexual desire through them. So the eye is like a
satellite for both of these things.
I mean, of course, the ears you hear some
description of some kind of special food or restaurant, and
the way they cook their food and present it. And then that brings
the water into your mouth makes you salivate and wanting to have
that.
So there's a these things are linked to both of these desires to
fulfill them. But which desire Do you think comes first the desire
of the stomach or the desire of the private parts, which one do
you think comes first, for a human being?
It has to be this desire for the stomach, because even children
have that.
Now children, when they get hungry, they want to cry, they
cry. That's not necessarily greed. This is just the desire to eat.
So then as you grow up, you're told about many different things
and you want to try them out and you want to eat them.
And then after that, as we continue to grow up, then we
actually have the desire of the private part, that also now starts
to show its desire. So now we have two things to fulfill.
And some Alama they consider that some psychologist or Lama they
consider that both of these things are related. So what that does is
that if we're over eating, then what we're doing is we're
actually, we're going beyond the balance beyond moderation. Because
we're putting into ourselves many, many different things. The Prophet
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, Don't slay your heart, don't
destroy your heart, with too much food and drink. Because the heart
is like a farmland.
If you have plants, some people think that because plants need
water, that you should, you should water them. Now, anybody who's
done gardening, they will notice that there are two problems with
watering, there's two things you have to be careful about. One is
that you should water it so that the water only reaches the soil,
and you don't water it from the top so that it makes the leaf
soggy because sometimes that creates a bacteria and that
destroys the flower. So you're supposed to water the roots
through the soil only and not the leaves in some cases, in some
flowers. Number two, you can't over water is when you water it
too much. It loses its ability to deal with that. So likewise, when
it comes to the heart, when it comes to the human body, we need
some food. But we need to provide that food and water in the right
way. Not in the wrong way and we don't overwater it otherwise the
system can't deal with it. And it creates so many different
problems.
So that's why he also said a descendant of the Malian salaam
can fill no
A container, which is worse than his own belly. That from a food
perspective, from a medical perspective is considered to be
one of the greatest wisdoms probably ever said. Because most
people, most experts will agree that it's what we eat that defines
us, in many cases, defines how we are what we do. And I know that
Western medicine doesn't focus. Allopathic medicine,
unfortunately, doesn't focus too much on the effects of certain
foods. And that's why they pretty much say you can eat whatever you
want, they just tell you not to eat for a short while, but
otherwise, when you do eat, you can eat whatever you want,
generally speaking, whereas most of the ancient medicines, medicine
systems of the world like AI, a Vedic medicine, Unity medicine,
Chinese medicine, they speak about how each of each food has a
certain effect, a heating effect, and a cooling effect. They can't
be wrong.
It just can't be all wrong. And with certain foods, you actually
feel it sometimes that certain foods like dates, for example,
have a heating effect, even though they're not actually thermally
hot, but they have a heating effect to the body. Anyway, I'm
not a I'm not a medical doctor, I'm not a physician, so I'm not
gonna carry on with that. But another thing the Prophet
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said that for the human being
a few small mouthfuls, local Imams, a few small mouthfuls
should be sufficient to keep their back straight.
Now, if only we could do that, our culture doesn't allow that this is
the problem.
If you have a baby, a child growing up and they don't eat
much, parents get worried they take them to the doctor, a child
isn't eating
shouldn't be a blessing that your child doesn't eat much so that
hopefully when they grow up, they don't grow up with all of excess
fat.
When adults stop eating too much, and you go to an invitation you
don't eat them people get a bit annoyed that you don't eat too
much. Okay, maybe you can indulge when you're at somebody's you
know, when you're invited to somebody because maybe you can
indulge once in a while. But if you're being invited all the time,
then it becomes a big challenge that everybody wants to feed you
special foods and dishes it becomes much more difficult
because our culture is not. I mean, yes, dieting is supposed to
be cool, but when you go to feed people, the normal human culture
is that you make them eat, and you insist that they eat.
So the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said that if you cannot
suffice with just a few mouthfuls to stay straight,
then let him fill 1/3 with food 1/3 with water we drink and the
other keep for the breath.
Now, when you tell somebody that
they will give, they will they will give certain responses that
it's okay the F can find its way through anything. It's very
difficult to completely seal a place to allow no air to come in.
So they use this to say it's okay fill your stomach up the air will
make its way anyway.
Once Hassan Al basura Rahima hula he relates from a shot of the
Allahu anha who says that
knock persistently
on the door of paradise and shouldn't be open for you. If you
try hard enough, you'll get into paradise. Now that sounds like a
great and easy, easy advice. But the question was asked how should
we do that said with hunger and thirst. But the hunger the
hungrier you remain and the thirsty you remain, then it is
easier to know why is that? Now we have to look at several other
Hadith and advice to understand this because just this on its own
why how does how is hunger beneficial? And how is thirst
beneficial for us? Because we understand that if you're hungry
you should eat keep the sugars up. Make sure you stay healthy,
especially if you have diabetes, you're told to eat several times a
day in at least small amounts so that you don't get low blood sugar
which is a genuine problem.
Look man once said to his son or the Allah one he said, Oh my son
when the belly is full, then the intellect sleeps.
When the belly is full, the intellect sleeps, wisdom is
silenced. And all the other members of the body, all the other
limbs of the body, they become too lazy and slothful to perform any
acts of worship. We feel this when you had a good hearty dinner. You
just want to relax for a while. I mean, the biologists etc. They'll
explain that obviously it's depends on the type of food as
well. There are certain gases because food when it goes into the
stomach, it has to be processed in a certain way. It releases certain
gases that those gases they
Go up to the brain. That's why if somebody hasn't been able to
relieve themselves, they feel very tired and sleepy, and they come to
a doctor, so they feel tired and sleepy, maybe they just need to go
toilets, maybe they just need to relieve themselves sometimes.
So different foods obviously have different impacts impacts on us.
Now,
let us just talk about hunger in general. Now, most of us
Alhamdulillah we get food to eat, especially if in Western
countries, we get food to eat. However, to understand the
benefits, and the virtues of hunger, May, inshallah encourages
us to eat less.
I know this is something very difficult, because we've been
doing it for so long.
And if we've been doing something for so long, it becomes very
difficult to change. But the way to bring change in our life is to
listen to the benefits. So I speak to myself first because this is
something I have weakness for when you have good food that you eat
it. And this is a problem. And it's not easy.
So there are various different ways. I mean, one of the ways
could be there's several different diets that have been around a lot
of those they don't they work for the short term, there was the
Atkins diet diet. Now there's the new one, which is the low carb
diet is just given a new name, what's the new name of the low,
low carb diet now?
I forget what it's called, maybe you guys don't know.
He used to be called the Atkins diet. And now it's called
something else. And you can lose pounds really fast. You can lose
kilos very fast with that. But the problem is that How sustainable is
it after the year that you're on it, because eventually becomes
difficult to do that because it's unnatural.
Right?
The best diet they say is the the five and two diets, which is too
fast for two days.
Monday and Thursday as as is encouraged in Islam as well,
Monday and Thursday. That's probably the most sustainable to
be honest, we can just learn to fast Monday and Thursday. That's
probably the most sustainable and slowly, slowly, the lesser we eat,
hopefully, we will become less accustomed to eating more over
time. Anyway, here are some virtues we hope to have we pray to
Allah subhanaw taala that it inspires us some of this clicks in
our mind and inspires us that the next time there's so much food in
front of us we take it easy. Firstly,
purification of the heart, the illumination of the natural
disposition and the sharpening of one's insight. A person gains
through eating less, because when you've eaten less, you feel
lighter. For even physically, you feel lighter. If you're going to
eat less, you're probably going to eat
less variety. And generally speaking,
we now have access to different qualities of foods. In the modern
world today we have access to different qualities of food, where
there's less food, than there's going to be less variety because
everybody's struggling. So there's only one type of rice, maybe two
types of rice, wheat, etc. But mashallah, in countries like this,
we have a whole variety. You want organic rice, you want black rice,
you want white rice, you want jasmine rice, you want basmati
rice, even the basmati rice, there's about 20 different types
of various different degrees.
So in everything, we have such a variety.
So what may be a good idea for those who can do it is to eat
less, but it's more wholesome food because we know that the market
now is all based on creating more profits. So a lot of the food is
on the lot of the cheaper food that is is is not produced very
well.
What's very interesting in the time of the Prophet sallallahu
alayhi wa sallam, they saying that one of the first bidder, and this
does not mean a religious bit unnecessarily of haram or
something like this, but he's talking about an innovation of
practice. One of the first innovations in the after the time
of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was for people to start
sifting their flour, so that all of the only the purest part
remains and all of the chaff, the the wholesomeness goes away.
In the time of the Prophet sallallahu, Sunday would just kind
of blow on it just slightly just so that the more rough stuff goes
off, but the other roughage would be there, which is actually good
for the body. But now the whole bakery system, how they produce
bread now is that the cheapest flour is the bleached flour that
has been processed. It's been bleached to look white because it
looks white flour looks better. The brown flour doesn't look as
good. Unless you're unhealthy, then only that looks good. And the
other one now makes you discus you. And now if you actually want
to buy good brown bread with all the roughage, it cost you more,
which is supposed to be natural that actually cost you more
So for example, if you buy the most ancient form of bread that's
available, which is called a sourdough bread. Sourdough bread
is made up of three, only three ingredients. It has no yeast
either.
It's just made of a flour, flour, a sourdough starter, we water and
the wheat. That's all it's made of. And it lasts for several days.
And it's supposed to be that most ancient form of breadmaking.
Anybody tried sourdough here?
Only one person
SubhanAllah. Once you start sourdough, you can't. But it's
very expensive. One loaf of normal bread, but a normal bread, maybe
$1 $1.50. A sourdough is at least 250 $3 minimum. And the good stuff
is $4 and $5.
I talked about dollars, euros,
euros pounds.
So as you can see, the whole world is different now. Even the fish
that we have the salmon, which everybody enjoys, generally, most
of it is farmed.
For and what's the problem with farmed salmon.
They add they have to add pink and red color to it to make it red and
pink. Otherwise, because of the condition in which they farm it,
the fish don't come out with the right color. How can you have
salmon which is not red or pink,
other fishes white. But the distinctive feature of salmon is
that now if you want to get wild salmon, which is naturally pink or
red, it costs 22 times or nearly three times as much 100 250% is
increased on the price.
This is the kind of stuff we're eating.
Right and in abundance is cheap and it's available. And the
variety.
For example Buchla, which you can get now nearly everywhere you want
even in the western world was something that was restricted to
the Ottoman kitchens where it was initially developed. Today, Allah
subhanaw taala is put in front of us maybe as a fitna as a
challenge.
As much variety of foods that would have only been available to
the very rich and upper class, like the very rich and only the
elite class about 100 years ago. Today, you and I even if you don't
make any money, we have access to this.
So it's difficult. That's what I'm trying to say it's very difficult
to do this. There has to be some special Iman and the only other
people that I've managed to see who become disciplined, or people
who have had a heart attack
or have some serious health conditions, then they wake up and
they think okay, I better be careful now, because I love my
body more than I love my food. I'm supposed to love my body more than
I love my food. So here are Imam Ghazali mentions 10 different
benefits. Let us look at these 10 benefits. The first is that when
you eat less inshallah there'll be purification of the hearts it'll
be easier to focus on purifying the heart
because you'll be able to do more deeds, and we'll be able to
inshallah indulge less, if not above 30 Allah on reports, the
Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, the heart of whomever
it is fill and then sleeps will grow harder.
And that's why then he said, There is a card for everything. And as
the card of the stomach is hunger.
That's why there's the card that we have of the hunger is in
Ramadan. Ramadan is around the corner, we're told to eat less
throughout the month.
That says that, but we also need sadaqa throughout the year in the
forms of other other types of hunger, other types of fasting as
well.
Number two, eating less softens the hearts. When the heart is
soft, and due to certain circumstances, it will be effected
more powerfully by the remembrance of Allah subhanaw taala if the
heart is softer, because remember, meat is one of the most effective
most
detrimental things for the heart. Both cards geologically, as they
say that eat less red meats. They say white is better than red and
fish is better than white. That's what they generally tell you.
That's cardio logically from a cardiology perspective. But even
from a spiritual perspective, we've discussed this several
times, I'm not going to discuss it too much now. But there there is a
homage to the Allah one who spoke about that. And the idea is that
if you eat 14, for 14 days, if you eat meat every day, your heart
will get hard spiritually. So if that happens, and not just I mean,
we have to understand this not just with meat, it's with eating
too much as well. I think we have to be fair and say that just if
you come off meat, but you start eating other stuff in abundance,
it's the same kind of thing. Right? Because eating too much
will harden the heart. If the heart is soft, the thicker we do
the prayer we do, inshallah that will hopefully benefit us more.
Number three
By eating less it helps to control and a base, the soul does knifes
because one of the, when you want to control something, when you
want to train something, you generally deprive it of what its
addiction is. So slowly, slowly, it gets used to being without the
addiction.
So if our addiction is food, and we try to train it, then it means
it will get less. That's the whole one of the biggest purposes of
Ramadan is to decrease our eating, our drinking, and our sexual
*. These eating and drinking is related to the
stomach, sexual * related to the private parts. How
does that help? The way it helps us quite simple.
eating drinking and sexual * with one spouse is a
lawful endeavor. It's lawful to do so.
So what the Prophet sallallahu ALA is what Allah is telling us is
that in Ramadan, you decrease this, and you're not always going
to want it. You're going to go to work and you're going to want a
cup of coffee cup of tea, you're going to feel tired. You say you
can't have it. Because I'm fasting you got 10 hours left.
So the nostril ask again, no, I'm really thirsty. So you can't have
it.
Slowly, slowly, it will stop asking after the third and fourth
day you don't feel like having the coffee anymore. You get used to
it.
You get used to it. The benefit of this is obviously that when you
get used to that, we get used to controlling ourselves and saying
no to ourself. So hopefully if we do this for 30 days, then after
Ramadan, if it wants something, it should be easy for us to say no,
you can't do it.
If it wants something haram if he wants to overeat says don't do it.
But unfortunately what happens in Ramadan is that Ramadan, the best
of foods come out in Ramadan.
The woman gets some special Baraka in their time and the ability and
they cook all these new things that they never cook otherwise and
we end up sometimes just doing kava of all of the hunger of the
day in the evening. So it ends up becoming the same thing sometimes
unfortunately.
Whereas Ramadan was supposed to be frantically Ruta the collegial
Talk Leader Shut up the clean all manner but unfortunately it's like
we have to do cover for it. May Allah subhanaw taala help us that
is why the number three was it will help you control you enough
if you control the enough in Halal things because at the end of the
day food is halal although the other might have mentioned if you
eat beyond satiation beyond being satisfied it becomes haram to eat
that extra LACMA sometimes you know you're eating at somebody's
house and they say have some way said no.
They say no, no, it's a more it's okay it's okay. And you have to
tell them then It's haram after and how is it haram? This is halal
food you're telling me my heart up my food is haram. The food is
halal but the way you take it is haram.
Number four
eating less inshallah will help us a will help us never to forget
Allah's trials and torments
or those who are afflicted by them, it creates a sympathy and
empathy for the poor and those who do not have
because we when you start staying hungry, you feel the pangs of
hunger
and you start realizing how other people feel and inshallah that
will make us help donate more and help others but number five is
breaking of desire to sin and achieving mastery over the soul
which commands to evil.
I explained a bit of this in number three already, which is
that the less we eat,
then inshallah we can have control over even haram things as well. I
explained both of them there
are issues with the Allah one has says that one of the first
innovations to appear after Allah's Prophet sallallahu Some
died, was that people would eat now to their film. They started
eating to their fill. And when people's bellies were satiated,
then their souls.
They bolted and ran after things of the world.
There's a connection between eating too much
and fulfilling the desire.
There's a connection between those two things. Number six, it will
help you sleep less. You've got people who say I sleep but I can't
wake up for Fudger I put two alarm clocks on I still can't get up.
Now sometimes I mean, one of the things you tell them okay, sleep
early.
Right sleep early, but sometimes they may even be sleeping early
but they may be eating too much. Eating sometimes going to sleep it
actually helps you sleep longer.
Once I went to another country on the other side of the world
So when we got there, it was afternoon. And it was nighttime in
the UK.
And our host asked, Do you want a now? Or do you want to have a two
hour rest and then eat afterwards. So on the way we haven't had any
proper food they've been eating along, you know, bits and bobs. I
thought I'm not feeling too hungry right now. We just go to sleep,
wake up, but I couldn't get to sleep.
I just couldn't get to sleep because of the jetlag, and the
different timings and then it was time to wake up. And then we ate.
And then I had to go and visit somebody and I started feeling
sleepy.
So Allahu Allah, if that was the food, or if that was just finally
you know, your body clock kicking in. But generally speaking, I
mean, the, you eat more, especially rice and things like
that there are certain foods you eat them, you need to sleep
afterwards. That's why the people who worked on the farms, that's
what they used to do. They still in India, for example, in Gujarat,
in one section, at least afternoon is rice, every day, they eat rice.
Now they work in the fields, they sweat, they work hard, they need
the carbs, right, they have a little nap as well. Now we're
eating that same kind of food from those countries in Western
countries where we don't work so hard enough.
That's another thing. I don't know, if anybody's looked into
these things, there are several things that I'd like somebody to
actually study eating a certain diet of a certain country in
another country, while changing your lifestyle.
And the other thing, which relates more to Indian Pakistani spices,
we're using the same huge collection of spices from those
countries which are very hot climate in cold climate countries
where they're not indigenous. How is that helping? How is that? Is
that harming is that helping? Because there's a reason why Allah
subhanaw taala has created certain spices in only some countries in
some areas and not in others and why people there have them and not
in other areas. Nowadays Mashallah. You can go into many of
these stores and you can find things from all around the world.
Right?
Whoever wants they can have it.
So it'll help inshallah a man who eats and drinks abundantly will
sleep abundantly as well. Number seven, lengthy acts of worship are
made it easier for somebody who eats less.
One of the cabinet of the past he said, I want So Ali Al journey,
eating barley porridge with his fingers. How do you eat porridge
with your fingers?
You generally people eat porridge with a spoon because it's very
runny. And if you're going to eat porridge with your fingers, you're
going to get very less. So he said, I saw him eating porridge
with his fingers. What made you do this? I asked him, he said, I've
done all the calculations, he's talking about efficiency.
He wants to be very productive. So he's figured out an efficient
system. He said, I have calculated that the difference between
chewing breads and eating in this way is 70 SubhanAllah.
I can do 70 Subhan Allah more if I eat this then if I eat bread, so I
have not chewed bread for 40 years.
Ignore Josie Rahmatullah here today. He said that he went to, I
think it was Egypt, he went to for a short amount of time to study.
And he said that we had absolutely no time to cook any food. And we
were two young guys, we would go to a class, we would then run to
the next class. And then we would write our notes and we had no time
for anything else. But one day, we went to the shake, and the shake
wasn't there. So that's half an hour, 45 minutes free time. So we
saw that there was a somebody selling some really tasty fish
fresh. So we bought some fish. We took it home. By the time we got
home, it was too late to fix it, to clean it and to cook it.
Because we had to rush off to the next class. You said
it was only after two to three days that we had enough time we
saw that the fish was gonna go bad. So we just ate it sushi. We
ate it raw afterwards.
Now, of course, not everybody's gonna do that. There are some
people they're so into their work that they miss food and they just
have a quick bite here and there. They just grab a sandwich. They
just grab a smoothie, you know?
I don't know. I mean, that's not the same thing. See what I'm
saying? But that's it. You don't need to do I'm not saying you need
to do that. These are just ideas.
Number eight bodily health. Which results will result from eating
less? I don't think the doctors will tell you otherwise that that
is for sure. Right? You will get bodily health and with bodily
health. Most diseases are caused by over
Eating. And that's why the profit or loss, I'm said that you will
have the worst vessel you can feel is eating too much. And then
number nine, he says, which is obvious reduced expenditure,
you will spend less, you'll have more money.
If you buy less.
If you become used to eating little, you will have a saving.
And
otherwise, you need more more more food to save more money to bring
more food. And number 10 is
when you have less when you eat less for yourself, it'll be easier
to let some put somebody else before us to be self selfless.
It'll be easier to be selfless and to help others and to put somebody
else before us to give our surplus to the orphans and the poor.
Because most people they collect because they want to collect for
the family, they want to establish their family, they want establish
their children. Now if we can get our entire family used to doing
this, then inshallah hopefully we can give out more to others.
Because then we don't feel so greedy for ourselves that I can
buy more for myself. May Allah give us the trophy? May Allah give
us a Tofik.
I'm going to move on to the next topic, which is about the private
parts because it who has a good discussion of this I will cover
some aspects from his work in sha Allah. May Allah bless him, may
Allah have mercy on him. He says that no, that man has been made
subject to sexual desire for two beneficial reasons why do human
beings have sexual desire?
I was just having a discussion with somebody about paradise.
And he was wondering
why there's an
I'm not sure if I understood his purport his intention correctly.
But he said this whole concept of rural eating and having this
concept of fulfilling your desire in paradise, isn't that like a
lonely thing.
And as long as you do it right, it should not be taken as a lowly
thing. You and I would not exist without it.
The whole reason Allah subhanaw taala has placed this P Muslims
need to understand because there's a such a prohibition of Zina and a
discouragement towards illicit sexual *. And lead
Takara was Zina and don't go close to Zina. It gives this impression
for some people have an impression that maybe sexual * is a
bad thing.
But it's not supposed to be a bad thing.
Doing it well is a sadaqa do it well, doing it well is a keeping
the balance of your that's why the Prophet saw some got very angry
when somebody said they will not marry.
And at least in the Hanafi understanding,
position, to get married. And then to worship Allah as best as you
can, is superior to not getting married and worshiping Allah.
Because it's more of a challenge with marriage and is part of
procreation and the prophets, Allah son wants us to increase the
Ummah and sexual * done properly is a pure thing is a
beneficial thing. But as we know, shaytan comes and creates a
problem with it. And that's why we're told to recite the DUA.
For some people, a G for some people, they say the sexual
experience gives them a taste of the Hereafter of the blessings to
come. Look out Ronnie mom, because early says he's he says the first
there are two beneficial reasons of why sexual *
has been given to people. Number one is that by knowing its
delight, because one of the highest forms of delight is
through sexual *.
A person is able to draw an analogy
which gives him an idea of the blessings of the hereafter.
Sexual * gives us an idea of the great blessings of the
Hereafter that if it's if everything else is going to be so
much more than we tasted right now a fruit we taste food we taste
paradise is going to have even greater
than imagined sexual *. How can that be even greater when
it's so great already?
It's to give us an idea to encourage us towards the
hereafter.
That's why somebody told me that a sheikh,
a certain Sheikh saying that you can actually reach reach, become a
friend of Allah
attain Wilaya
if you understand sexual * correctly, because of
what it can benefit you in the right way. Just the problem is
that there are so many sexual vices nowadays. Just like as I
explained all of the different choices
is a food products that make it difficult for us to moderate
we have to understand one thing.
But medicine is beneficial.
Medicine is sometimes bitter. Somebody takes benefit medicine,
and they benefit from it. So then they think that
it must be because of the bitter taste. So then they start loving
everything bitter.
That's, you're going to consider that to be a very strange idea.
Medicine is not beneficial because it's bitter.
It's bitter. As a side reason. Not all medicine is bitter, some
medicine is bitter. So we have to be able to understand what
something is for. And not confusing, some other aspects of
it. And that's when it comes out of moderation. So he says the
first benefit is that you'll be able to understand what some of
the pleasure feels like of the Hereafter.
And the second one
for the delight of the sexual act, work to last with the greatest
pleasure of the body. I mean, I'm being a bit graphic here because
it's the discussion. Right? So hopefully, these children don't
know what I'm talking about anyway. Right? Because they say
that one of the things that you can't explain to anybody is the
pleasure of becoming burlier.
You just can't explain that to somebody. You can explain how a
fruit tastes. Has anybody had durian here?
One night, if I was to explain to the rest of you what durian tastes
like, maybe it tastes like sweet jackfruit mango onion mixture?
Maybe? Right? It's about there. But you can't really, I mean, can
you mix those ingredients in your mind, you take a mango, take
jackfruit and you take onions, you mix that together, make it like a
cream. And it has a very strong smell. But it tastes wonderful.
Now, that's very difficult to do right now.
But same thing with sexual *. So that's why he's
saying that for the Imams has already saying that the delight of
the sexual act work to last, it would be the greatest pleasure for
the body.
That's where Allah just gives us instances of it. And then it goes
instances, and then it goes all good things like that. You have to
work hard to get them and then they're gone. Right.
The second is, the second point is that it allows the human race to
continue and the world to abide.
That is the purpose of sexual *.
Allah could have made it different, but he added the
benefit of the pleasure in it. Otherwise, it would have been a
mechanical process to create a baby, you do this, you do that
there'll be no pleasure in it. People may not want to do it.
Somehow Subhan Allah. And that's why they say that when in the
West, where sexual promiscuity, sexual license licensure,
licensure, what's the word?
licentiousness. I think that's the word I can't even pronounce it.
It happened after they created the pill,
in the 1970s or so, and the pill was developed
after that,
that is when I mean before that women have to be very careful.
Right, men used to go around and do what they want. But women had
to be very careful, because they would have to then carry the baby
if they got pregnant. Soon as the pill was developed, they said that
is the freedom of the woman
that basically just expanded the Zener.
And to be honest, there are now research taking place research
showing that how you see we have to deal with the afternoons when
when women have this issue of and then the bleeding pattern changes.
Because remember, what you're taking in through the pill is
hormones. Right? And that creates a whole change in the body, a
woman has a lot of hormones, this is creating a whole different
system within in effects you sometimes very negatively.
Factors a weight and lots of things, you know, depending on
which pill you take, and so on. And he says that even when you go
off the pill, it takes nearly two years for your body to go back to
normal to regain its natural state.
And most women, I'm assuming are taking risks, taking pills, rather
than using other methods because that's more difficult for men and
so on and it's just safer for women to do this.
We need to look into this
just because everybody's doing it doesn't mean you do the same
thing.
Our bodies and Amana I'm not I'm not doing Conspiracy.
theories here. I'm not trying to rile up some kind of weird idea.
I'm just saying we need to look at this carefully.
Right? And there's not enough money to look at these things
because it's against the capitalism. It's against
consumerism, right, because people want to just sell things like
this.
Then he says sexual * also contains many evils. It has
these two benefits, primary benefits, but it also contains
many evils, which may destroy both our religion and the world. If it
is not controlled.
It may destroy both things.
If it's if it's not controlled, then the body will not remain in
equilibrium. Just like with food, it will
not be moderate.
Likewise, with too much sexual *, you have the same
problem.
That's why
you know, Rob bene la to Homina muda Takata, la Nabi.
In the end of Surah, Al Baqarah. You have this, this verse, part of
the verse Rob bene la to her Milna Mala Takata la Nabi. Oh, our our
Lord, do not make us bear do not burden us with that which we
cannot bear.
That's why it's been said that these words refer when correctly
interpreted to powerful lust. Lust is very powerful. It has people
it, it causes people to go and commit a lot of haram. It spoils
family. It creates many, many problems.
Just now Somebody contacted me it was a sister. She's saying her
husband had an affair.
Her husband they had a perfectly fine life. husband had an affair.
And the woman he had an affair with got pregnant
whether with precaution despite precaution, I don't know.
She found out the wife found out the husband is now very sorry,
because he's a practicing person. But he felt he made a mistake.
He had a discussion with the other woman and because she's not
married,
they were going to have it she was going to have a divorce or sorry,
she was going to have a abortion.
Then it turns out later and the husband I think the wife forgot
about it. Okay, I forgive him whatever. Then later they find out
that she's keeping the baby.
Now this is causing such the husband he's very sorry, he's
asking forgiveness and everything. But now you've got your you
brought a baby in the picture.
What are you going to do now?
You know,
this way of saying how can I I know there's a baby out there
who's his child is going to cause complications in the world. Let's
just one example.
Just one example. You see a lot of activists they talking about?
People shouldn't talk about getting married again. Most people
don't get married again. I think people talking about getting
married secret wedding secret because second wave this standard
or secretly cars and so on. To be honest, when you look at it
carefully, a secret Nikka only a few people are doing that. They're
the ones who have some a bit of consciousness because those have
who have no consciousness, they just committing Zina, because it's
so easy to do nowadays.
It's so easy to do and get away with it.
But it leaves so many problems. So just like
the private parts, they have benefits, that it also has many
many evils which may destroy for somebody both their religion and
then duniya if it is not controlled and subjugated
so that's why there's a few doors which are very beneficial. One is
this one Rob banana to her Mila Amara taka telenovela
and another one which is very beneficial is Allah Who mfine be
halal and haram ik wa Nene Be Fugly common see work? Very
beneficial. What it means is Oh ALLAH suffice me Give me
sufficient to give me happiness
with the halal away from the Haram
so if it's a man is gonna say I've got a wife a good wife make me
satisfied with her
so I don't have to indulge in Haram make me satisfied with the
with the halal not with the Haram
and make me independent from everybody but you.
You see what I'm saying? This dua is generally recommended for
getting out of debt.
Generally this government has mentioned it's about getting in
debt because when a person is in debt, they may, it may force them
to do haram deals, how selling haram haram things so then they go
into that the other direction. I believe that it works in this case
as well. So if you've got a woman, she's seeing others and you know
shaytaan is coming to her a man shaytan is coming to him. Because
there's a lot of attraction out there. There's a lot of
there's a lot of fitna out there for both men and women. If you
keep reading this dua, Allah will give you satisfaction with your
spouse.
And another dua, which is very beneficial.
Because a lot of the time
a person has a spouse, but then they may have a bit of a weakness,
they may have some defects, everybody has a defect, everybody
has a bad quality or something. So what's going to happen is that
they are looking somewhere else and they think they have a good
quality. But they haven't really lived with the other person to
understand their bad quality, they just see a few qualities. That's
why the Allah mentioned that there's a DUA, which is very
beneficial. Robina Hublin Amin as well Gina was Maria Tina Kurata,
which I'm lucky that email. So this is the third door, our Lord,
grant us from our spouses, and our children progeny.
Those that will delight our eyes and gladden our eyes. That's why
the automa then writes that if you do have problems with your spouse,
you find some defects, focus on the good, everybody has positive
and negative focus on the positive and keep reading this door.
It is possible that within a short time, Allah will either remove the
defects or he will make you blind to the defects even if they still
have them. And you will focus on the good points, the good
qualities
and that will suffice you and make you happy. At the end of the day,
it's your personal happiness that matters. For some people, if their
car has a slight problem, they can't drive the car, they need to
get it fixed. Other people say it's not a problem.
It's a very personal thing of the way Allah makes certain people
feel. If Allah can make you feel satisfied with the halal away from
the Haram hamdulillah that's sufficient because it's personal
pleasure that we want. We don't want shaytaan to promise us wrong
pleasures. This is the thing. Another point Imam Ghazali makes
Rahmatullah Hey, Ali, I'm going to just make one or two more points
and I'm going to open it up for questions, Inshallah, the desire
for women.
He's talking to men. For men, the desire for women, which is the
greatest of all desires,
is susceptible to excess defects and equilibrium. Basically, the
man's desire for women can either be excessive,
just all the time, the way we're saying, Give me wrist all the
time.
And then he wanted, he said, If you don't, I'm gonna get another
wife. So then she feels pressured and see what I'm saying some
people blackmail.
I mean, I know sometimes some women that they act more reluctant
than they should do. Right than normal. That's that's another
issue here. And everybody's mature, and you need to understand
this. All right, other times, their weakness is defect, they
don't have enough. They're not some some waves are complaining.
He just comes home at night, late 60s out with his friends goes to
sleep,
and so on and so forth.
And number three, some people are mashallah moderate. So it could be
three, three levels of relationship.
Access obtains when the intellect is overcome.
When you get access is when intellectually you've understood
something wrong, and your heart wants something different. So a
man's concern is so distracted towards the enjoyment of women
that he's unable to tread the path of the afterlife, the whole focus
becomes just gaining pleasure that dominates everything else. So if
the focus becomes making money, it will dominate everything else will
neglect our families as well at our work, if the focus becomes
women for men, then they will dominate everything else.
Or it may even overcome a man's religion.
So forget your dunya you'll spoil your dunya will also spoil your
religion so that he's drawn into obscene activities. Essentially,
when a person is going into sexual deep sexual vices. The reason is
that they're not happy with the proper way. So they're going into
the sexual vices, whatever form that sexual vices that just
talking about over indulgence. That's why Imam Ghazali is talking
about that desire effect.
goes into the excess, it may end up becoming just amorous passion,
or fish,
which constitutes utter ignorance of the intended purpose of sexual
congress. And it causes a person to descend to the lower level of
animals. That's not what it shouldn't be about.
Yes, it should be enjoyed. We're not saying don't enjoy it and just
do it for procreation, it should be thoroughly enjoyed the Prophet
sallallahu Sallam actually encouraged and talked about the
importance of foreplay, and for men not to just be with their
women, and then not satisfy them, but just satisfy themselves. The
Prophet saw some spoke about all of this.
Right, I've got a book coming out in sha Allah, the handbook to a
healthy Muslim marriage. And there's a section in there that
discusses this, very importantly, that people should understand.
And then of course, there's both the Muhammad's book on the more
specifics of that subject itself. To break the power of amorous
passion, in its early stages is easier. Because it's like you're
riding a beast that's heading for a door or a gate he wants to
enter. To stop it from entering is easy, you can do that. But to try
to treat this afterwards becomes much more difficult.
It's then like trying to pull the animal by the tail to stop it.
It's easier to stop an animal with the reins, than if you're off the
animal and it's doing its own thing and you're trying to stop it
with its tail, it becomes very, it becomes very difficult, much more
difficult task.
And of course, one of the other harms of it is that excessive
sexual desire causes the intellect to be overcome, which is condemned
because everybody's just thinking even in the praying salah, they're
waiting for the next move. That becomes very dangerous. In fact,
for social person to even keep well who may be difficult, right?
So insufficient sexual desire is also bad. If you have insufficient
sexual desire, that's also bad because you will not be fulfilling
the responsibility of your spouse. Sexual desire is a praiseworthy
thing, when it is done with the proper etiquette and moderation
and obedience to Allah subhanaw taala.
So a final few things, as I mentioned.
We pray to Allah that he makes it easy for us to fast,
at least weekly, Mondays Thursdays, if possible.
Another few things is don't go shopping when you're hungry.
Because you end up buying more, even things you don't need because
you're there's a concept that the eyes are hungry than the stomach.
And that's why they say that, you know, if you are very hungry.
The reason why you should eat slowly, is because if you eat
fast, you eat faster than your brain can catch up and satisfy
itself. I don't know what they call this in medicine. But I'm
sure we all experience it. That sometimes you eat a lot and you
still feel hungry but you know that this man generally fills you
up.
So sometimes the Eisah so if you eat slowly, it takes the
let's bring catch up and you feel like okay, I've had enough now.
Benefits of Eating with three fingers.
Then it slows down the pace. I know some of us come from cultures
where you eat with the fist
where the rice is eaten with the fist. You take the rice like this
and you make it into a ball.
And then if you see somebody eating with three fingers, they're
gonna think this like, if it's a man I'm gonna think you're a woman
eating like this.
That's why one of my friends is named Sheikh Hamza is he's really
big guy.
He's I think he's nearly as tall as me, but he's bigger than me.
He was studying with some Mauritanian shoe you know
Mauritania like Saudis like Bangladesh. They eat rice with
their fists with the whole hand. Right of Ronnie's as well right
now not with the whole land
three fingers what oh, just you guys
but you waste a lot of rice. They drop a lot of rice on the floor.
Yeah, because I remember I was with the funny friends and when
they eating a bit they eat from the center right now everybody
eats together but then on in front of you drip drop a lot of rice.
There's a lot of wastage hopefully you guys don't do that inshallah.
Different cultures, two different things. So they they were his some
of his teachers as well. They started laughing why you eating
because he's bigger than all of them. They're thin. He's the
biggest and he's eating with three fingers like this. So somebody one
of them said to him clearly job
which basically means eat like a man.
So
He said, I couldn't get after the return. I'm eating like the most
superior of men, which is the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa
sallam. So we sometimes forget that kind of thing.
I'm not saying it's haram to eat with your fist, but it's just
to slow ourselves down. If you can eat when, when when you're hungry,
hungry, then
then it gets difficult. May Allah subhanaw taala give us the TOEFL.
And may Allah subhanaw taala allow us to control ourselves because
Inshallah, if we can control these two things, most of the problems
of our life can be, can be sold in sha Allah, the health issues, the
greed issues, gluttony issues, so may Allah We ask Allah to help us
despite all of the challenges around us, the ease of food, the
variety of food that we have, as May Allah allow this to be a true
natural for us. And this not to look like a network, but be a
fitna for us. Because that's really what the issue is, isn't
it? They have so much that we over indulge, and the poor people have
so less that they can't even fill their stomach. Subhan Allah, Allah
give us a trophy. Qualquer Dhawan hamdu, Lillahi Rabbil Alameen? How
can be hungry? angry because of hunger?
Oh, being cranky because of hunger.
Now, I need some medical help here. Because I have a view of
this. If you have low blood sugar, you can you explain this. If you
have low blood sugar, you get a bit cranky.
Right? When you've had less food, or you haven't had food for a
while, and you have low blood sugar, you get agitated easily.
Right? It happens to me sometimes. So the family knows that. Okay, we
can feed him something.
Right? In fact, one of my sons, he used to cry a lot. Just suddenly,
like he's getting very angry and very crying. It's like, Why is he
crying for?
Once he's eaten? He's fine. So we know with him, you know that he's
hungry. So just feed him Don't delay the food.
How do you look at that medically,
is that low blood sugar creates agitation you need to eat because
of the low sugar in your system. So if it I mean, for the person
who feels like this, they should probably get themselves checked
out.
If because if they have a condition like this, then it's a
bit of a medical condition. So then make sure that you eat on
time. Right Just so that because being cranky is not a good. It's
not good. hamdulillah my close friends, they know that if I'm a
bit like when they call me and I'm not then they know that it's
probably hungry or something. So
but you can't use that as an excuse, either.
What is your advice for people with the * addiction because a
lot of people think they will stop when they get married. But that is
not the case in marriage gets distracted by it. Marriage is not
the full solution to *, because *. I've got a
whole lecture. It's what's it called?
There's a whole treatment based lecture that I've done, we ask
Allah to make it easy for people because it's a very difficult
thing. And there's a psychology behind it. That people who are
independent, the the they actually eventually when they keep looking,
there's a friend of mine who's a big He's done a lot of research on
this is in Michigan, and he does PowerPoint. So he sent me his
PowerPoint is and basically what they're saying is that when you
get involved with *, if there's a certain part of the brain, I
forget what it's called, that it creates the impulse in and
eventually, you don't even enjoy what you're watching you keep
looking for other things. What you have to do is you have to detoxify
yourself because Alhamdulillah Allah has created a bait brain in
a way that it can fix itself and rewire. Right? So you have to stay
away for a while and do some scar, etc. Food, there's certain foods
which are also considered to be harmful for this product. For
example, one of my friends, he suggests cutting out red meats,
because that creates heat in the body that creates impulses to do
this towards sexual activity.
Several other things don't stay in bed longer than you need to be
like first thing in the morning last thing at night only getting
your bed to go to sleep. Because the way that sit that state is
very conducive
for suitable for that kind of thing.
And I think these doors that I mentioned, Allah homoclinic
Because really, if you the whole idea is that I need to do this
because this isn't satisfying me. And women are getting destroyed
because of this. Although unfortunately some women also have
this problem as well. It's not just in men. So I would suggest
you go into some some academy.com
and
it
was on curbing sexual desires or something like that. I forget what
is the title, it's on the if you look for the word you'll you'll
find it. This is we've tried to provide solutions from different
places, and you keep me you keep making dua to Allah subhanaw
taala. It's a very difficult thing for a lot of people, because so
many people are involved and the addiction is so strong.
developed, it's called Developing immunity in a hyper, hyper
sexualized society.
I mean, if this if this question came from a woman, I from home,
and then I'm going to suggest to you when a husband gets caught,
because I've had so many questions like this, when a husband gets
caught, he's going to deny it. Because the woman is going to
freak out.
The woman takes it very personally that he's doing this, it makes her
think, aren't a good enough. He doesn't like me anymore. He
doesn't love me anymore, right? Sometimes. So what happens then is
that it makes her freak out. And she doesn't react to it in a way
that helps the husband, the husband and tries to feel guilty
and just hides it. You want to help your husband to open up to
you? By showing him that, look, I understand it's a problem. We're
going to work through this together.
That's very important. Because otherwise it makes a relationship
in verse
number two, it has a problem, though, just recently
heard about the case of a guy who's telling his wife to do all
the stuff he sees online. And she's not willing to do that,
because some of it is just
completely crazy.
That and he said, No, you must you're my, you're my wife, you
must do whatever I want you I've got my right.
That that needs. Because in that case, how's the wife? You see in a
case where he knows he's guilty, she can help him. But if he thinks
he's right, and she must just do these haram things.
And he thinks she's just trying to get out of it. Then he needs
therapy. She used to make a lot of dua, he needs to get help, but he
has to understand he's got a problem to get help. But still,
what the wife does makes a big difference. Right? She can help
still to a certain degree in that case. Insha Allah, Allahu
mandocello in Ceylon Tabata theater children anywhere the
Quran Allah homea
medical mysteries Allah.
Allah ilaha illa Anta Subhana Allah in Konami know what you
mean? Just Allah one Mohamed Amma who?
Oh Allah we ask you to send your blessings upon us and to treat us
with your mercy and your forgiveness of Allah forgive us
all of our sins of Allah remove all of our problematic traits and
and oh Allah give us good qualities of Allah give us control
of ourselves over our eating and our desires of Allah allow us to
only fulfill our desires
in that which pleases you of Allah protect us from fulfilling our
desires in that which is displeasing to you. of Allah.
Grant us pious and righteous spouses of Allah grant us healthy
lives of Allah grant us healthy lives in this world and especially
healthy lives in the hereafter. Protect us and our children from
all of the fitna and the trials and tribulations which are out
there of Allah, we ask You for giving us from all of our sins,
however, and whenever we committed them, especially those things
which has brought difficulties in our life caused health problems in
our life, cause darkness is to come in our life, brought
conflicts within us and remove the light and the blessing of Allah We
ask that you also forgive us for those things that have become part
of our life. And we no longer consider them since Oh Allah grant
us understanding of Allah grant us blessing. Oh Allah send Your
abundant blessings, and our messenger Muhammad sallallahu
alayhi wa sallam, and all of those who've worked so hard to
allow these programs to be organized, and in whatever way or
shape that they have contributed. How Allah make this a source of
sadaqa jariya for them, and may it be a source of blessing for them
and their families, and for all of us to be forgiven, before we leave
from this place, and Allah make the rest of our life better than
the previous part of our life. Make the remaining days of our
life to go better than the previous days of our life, and
ultimately make the best days of our life our final days of this
life, and especially the time when we stand in front
have you on the day of judgment of Allah we ask that You grant us
gathering among the righteous on the day of judgment, and that you
send your abundant blessings on our messenger Muhammad sallallahu
alayhi wa sallam, and that you grant us his company in the
hereafter. Subhan Allah big Robin is that the IMEI of a phone or
cell set on one or more saline hamdulillah