Abdur Rahman ibn Yusuf Mangera – Marriage
AI: Summary ©
AI: Transcript ©
How many of you are married? Like with a wife?
That's No, I'm serious. Like, how many of you are married?
Like, put your hands up? I mean, Aren't you proud of it? What's
wrong with you?
Okay, all right. There's like a lot here.
That's what I want to speak about, about marriage, and then divorce,
I really want to speak about divorce. But it seems really
sad to start speaking about divorce or speak about marriage
first. The main thing is, I don't want to start talking to you about
how to look for a partner. Because you know, that's something people
speak about a lot. What I want to actually speak about today is
when a person gets married, there are a number of issues that take
place in our community that we unfortunately, do, people do. And
thus, marriages don't really last long. They say statistically
speaking that less people are remaining within marriages of
those who actually get married, which is a, which is a sad case,
there could be a number of reasons for that. It doesn't mean that all
marriages were very happy before, we have to allow for the fact that
earlier on, there was a much there was greater pressure for the
husband or the wife to remain within the marriage despite
absolutely hating it. Right? The Sharia has given an athlete of
divorce. It's the worst of things that you can do. But it is there,
it's there. And it's done. The problem with our community is that
we don't know how to deal with divorce. So normally, women who
are divorced have a stigma attached to them. Right? Nobody
wants to get married to them. And then if you if you ask a girl, why
are you divorced, there's a normal story that they tell he was seeing
somebody else. And I'm telling you this from experience, I've seen
this in about two cases where that was not the case, the husband
wasn't seeing somebody else. But a divorce girl, she has to make an
excuse. And the best excuse she can make is he was seeing somebody
else. But that's bad, because then that's doing that slandering
somebody else that's making up that's fabricating a lie about
somebody else.
We just don't know how to deal with divorced women. Many women in
our community are depressed. And I'm talking about a community that
I'm working with. There are women, somebody's sister, somebody's
daughter, they're depressed to such a degree that they just sit
in the house after they've been divorced. And they don't do
anything. They're absolutely depressed, depressed, they do not
know how to deal with it.
They're sitting there for 789 10 years.
Men get depressed as well. But But women get more depressed, they
have a great greater propensity to become depressed because they have
greater emotions.
Firstly, let us start again, when I'm not here to speak about
women's depression. The point here is that once a person gets
married, there are a few things that we need to realize. And what
that is, for example,
one needs to after doing the istikhara and the matura, after
asking Allah subhanho wa taala, after consulting with our
respected elders and other people in your community, and so on, and
so forth, then when a person does get married,
it doesn't mean that your job and your responsibility has now ended
that you've made istikhara and that you've made matura. And now
it has to go well read, regardless of how you roll the dice, nothing
works by magic, people have to invest a lot of energy in a
marriage, especially at the beginning to start a relationship
to understand each other. There's two score points. I really believe
that scoring points in a marriage is a very important aspect I'll
get I'll get to that soon. For example, what I'm saying is that
if you get married, and then you want to continue with the same
lifestyle that you've been,
that you've been practicing before marriage, then it's most likely
not going to work. The person you've got married to is not
something you just bought. And it's just it's just there like an
inanimate object. It's a human being that has thoughts just like
you do, has emotions has feelings has desire has need, and these
need to be met. And you cannot continue to go out with your
friends. For example, there are some people who insist on going
out with friends as they used to beforehand. These are people who
have, you know, a number of friends and they're always going
out with them. Now the poor wife She's waiting in, you know,
waiting on a Saturday night when they're supposed to be together,
and he's out with his friends. And this is starts from the second
week sometimes or the third week, or even the first week sometimes.
This happens less frequently with women. They have another problem.
There's another issue with when we check which I'll deal with
that really aggravates a marriage, for example, recently, there was a
couple that just got married, they went to Turkey on their honeymoon,
both mashallah religious, to a certain degree practicing to a
certain degree, the football was, there was some match, and I have
no idea which which match it was. And it was in Turkey, the TV set
in the room did not work. So he went downstairs to this is on the
first or the second day after they got there. Right. It's supposed to
be romantic. But this religion that this person is a believer in
of football is obviously more important. And believe me, if if
you think I have no idea what you guys, you know, not you guys, but
people who have this religion feel like then please forgive me?
Because I don't. Right? It's a religion.
So what this person does is he goes downstairs and he spent two
or two hours, two and a half, and how long is a match?
90 minutes, right? So about one and a half hours. Actually, he
spent more time than that. And she's actually waiting in German.
And finally she went to sleep. But this sowed the seed of, of hatred
between them. Because not only did he do it, then he carried on then
he started speaking to the people there in the lobby. And then he
came back in he says, I was giving Dawa.
And maybe he was maybe he was, but it was an insensitive thing to do
an absolutely insensitive thing to do. And that's the issue here. He
did this for two or three days. When I speak about the you know, I
don't like to brag on about football, right? I don't like to
bang on about football, or you know, you guys follow this
standard. I don't like to say that. But seriously, you need to
think about it from an emotional perspective. People who are so
besotted with this game, that they willing to overcome these things.
I mean, the experience that people have had is that you're in or out
of, you're on the Day of Arafah in the middle of our effort, that is
the day when shaytaan is even despicable, where shaytan is so
humiliated, because he sees the Mercy of Allah subhanaw taala
descending down in tolerance, and people just being receiving this
mercy. But yet there are people who will be texting back to the UK
to find out what the latest scores are on that day.
Now, again, I don't get it. That's why I'm condemning it. You guys
are gonna think you don't understand where we're coming
from. I know I don't I'm really sorry. And that's just like, non
Muslims do not understand why Muslims pray five times a day.
Right? And if they come and criticize you, like, what's this
going up and down five times a day? What's this wearing this, the
women wear hijabs and you guys can't eat? You know, you guys
can't go to McDonald's and you know, all that kind of stuff. And
you think right brother, you guys, you don't get it. That's what
you're probably saying to me about football.
These are, these are modern day religions. And you must think
about it from that. Because a religion is something which you
will give yourself to fully it takes, it doesn't give you
anything. You're not physically, financially benefiting from this.
But you have such an adherence to it.
You have such an adherence to it. For example, the new Apple shop
opened in London, people flew in from as far as China for the first
day not to buy anything, just to be there when the shop when the
Apple store opened up.
That's a religion.
Seriously, this is like a religion. Otherwise, why would
somebody go from so far? When you go to Mecca? Do you physically get
anything, you spend money 3000 4000 For a hygiene, you will
go there, you're not going to physically get anything, you're
gonna have to spend money. But the reason you go there is because you
know, you believe and you feel this spirituality.
So why these other things?
Just Just think about it, just think about it. Right? Because you
have to think about it.
Because at the end of the day, it's about our last moment and it
influences then everything in our life. So now this poor couple
what the issue there was an it's a perfect model for us to discuss
this. The woman they both religious people, they both
righteous people. But this particular that the girl was very
sensitive. And the guy was very extroverted in the sense that
he's very brash in the way he speaks. Right when he sends me an
email, he's like
He uses da you know, instead of the and stuff like that. Some
really like gangster style language.
You laughing at me again, but this guy doesn't get anything man.
Okay, anyway, that's just his No, I understand him. I know where
he's coming from. I don't mind
And because I have some experience alone that Allah has given me some
experience that you don't just look at the initial the way,
people aren't always so experienced. And the person cannot
be so brash and just just try to act like that,
in his brush mode with somebody who is sensitive, of course, the
sensitive person needs to loosen up a bit. But it's easier for the
other person to understand that somebody is sensitive. So take it
easy, not everybody understands me the way my friends do.
And now this marriage is broken.
Now this marriage is broken. And then when marriages break, they
becomes another issue. This is not the reason why the marriage broke.
There are also other reasons. In the beginning, what the woman's
side of it is, what happens with women is that in some cases,
they're very attached to their families, their sisters and their
mother, very attached. And day by day, they give them an update on
what they did.
And take this as advice, do not do that.
Live it for yourself, yes, if you've got an issue that you
cannot deal with, then bring your family into it. Otherwise, your
family will be governing your marriage, and your family doesn't
know how to govern your marriage, especially in England. The reason
is that if you go back to the villages, everybody had a very
similar mindset. There was a
social way of thinking that everybody shared, because it was
such a tribal kind of mentality that we had where, you know, you
would expect this kind of thing to happen. But come nowadays,
everybody's an individualist, that's just it's because people
think different than their parents, especially when you've
got a generation gap, that parents are from another country and are
originally from another country. They're immigrants. And, and, and
the offspring are not the next generation or not. If you start
telling them your everyday this is what we did this was that they
were going to give you pointers, they're not going to remain
silent. There's no but you should do this, you should do this. Now
you're not acting by yourself. You're not trying to be yourself
anymore. You're trying to be somebody else. And this messes it
up because you're not original to yourself. The husband gets the
husband doesn't know how to deal with the he's confused. Are you
you? Are you somebody else? I thought you were like this, but
no, I can hear something else coming through. He doesn't know
that. It's the influences from the family.
Some parents are so possessive. They want to know everything,
including what happens in the bedroom.
Wallahi.
Seriously, it's true. They want to know what happens and all the
other girls have no problem in sharing that. And everything is
governed
the worst of the people that you can bring in at this point in
time, and there's no problem is sometimes your parents like this.
Do it yourself.
Yes, if you've got a problem, try to deal with it yourself. Ask
Allah try to do because initially, after the Romantic period of a
marriage is over the first month, two months, three months, as long
as it is unique,
then there will be some issues. But you can easily learn learn to
overcome them in most cases. In some cases, there's an absolute
incompatibility. So it doesn't work out. But in most cases, it
can be dealt with. But yes, if you've tried your best and it's
not working, then get them involved. Absolutely. We're not
saying do it alone, get them involved. But when girls have too
much attachment to their family, and they're not willing to give
themselves to their husband, then they will not get their husband
either. Likewise, if the guys have too much attachment to whatever
else that they're doing, because literally what one guy one guy did
I go gym, I go this I do this I do this, and he just wanted to fit
her in somewhere. And he's saying okay, you have to go into the
shopping while I go to the gym. Right? Because I want to become a
millionaire. I'm not joking. This is normal. This is absolutely
true. I want to become millionaire you have to help me so his routine
remain the absolute same before and after marriage. The only thing
that was different was that he dug up his room
and now the girl the girl is saying that no my family has only
shopped together so I want to do that I want you have to shop with
me which I think is also wrong you know it doesn't matter if your
family shop to get it's not like a sunnah to shop together or
something. Right?
So you've got each side now putting the reason for that is
both sides are not trying to understand the other. Each one is
trying to impose their understanding. It's literally like
your wife cooks you biryani for the first time you don't like it
because you like your mom's video anymore.
So you're now you're insisting to her that no you have to learn
according to my mum,
which is fine. You could do that. But just take your time just do
some supper. Let her build her confidence. Then organize where
she can learn from your mother
She'll know how to do two videos on Islam.
Right, but don't do in the beginning. It's just about being
sensitive about these things. We try to rush in, we try to change
them and the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam mentioned the
Hadith, which I'd read so many times before, but it's only after
you get married, that you really understand it. The Prophet
sallallahu sallam said, that a lot of the woman is, is created from
the rib, and of the ribs, the highest, the uppermost one, which
is the most crooked, right? It's a fact. That's what the Hadith
mentions.
And the Prophet sallallahu sallam said, if you try to straighten it,
you will break it. Because you can't straighten a rib.
Right? You will break it, you need to benefit from it. Despite this
crookedness, and believe me, that's where the pleasure is.
That's where the pleasure is. In dealing with this, you cannot have
a perfect person and neither are you a perfect person. Nobody is a
perfect person. Initially, when, even when people are dating. They
do they, they act their their best, they act their best, they
act very formally, they really behave. Right. So normally people
say you need to date to be able to understand somebody, like, how am
I going to do that for? Because what's going to happen is
normally, when you date somebody, as people, do, people act, all
formal and good. And in their behavior, then
what happens is if they fail, and one of their weaknesses becomes
exposed, that opponent says, Well, I'm not interested in you anymore,
because there's no commitment. So you don't have to make your work.
You just say, forget it. The benefit about marriage is that
when you discover a weakness, if you're wise enough, and you've
been told that there are weaknesses that people have,
nobody's perfect, you will try to overcome that weakness and say,
well, even somebody else would have a weakness. That's why the
professor Lawson said something else. Yeah, if you dislike
something of her,
then look at the points that you would like, because there has to
be some positives of focus on the positives. This is in any
relationship, especially in marriage, because you can't hire
and fire here. It's not that easy. And culture makes it even worse,
to get married. It's very difficult.
So it's about the point I'm trying to make here is about the
sensitivity is about the sensitivity aspect. Another thing,
sometimes what happens is that the husband feels responsible, right,
that he must correct the wife in everything. And sometimes the as
in one case, I saw the wife was more learned. She was an oedema
and the husband wasn't. But he wanted to marry him so that she
could teach him.
Right? I don't. And I think he even said that to her. And I don't
think you should do that. Right? I don't think you should do that. It
really depends on the person, because every person and not all
animals are the same animals are human beings. They're just women,
right? With some knowledge, right? Just like our names are human
beings with knowledge. But then they have an individual human
trait that everybody has. So you can't blame animals for what one
animal does. And you can't blame doctors for what one doctor and
when Ireland for what sort of all items for one item does. So you
have to remember that.
What happened is they were in the shopping in the supermarket. He
has a friend whose wife works there. And she is she she's got a
discount card. Right now in most places like Sainsbury's And know
this, because somebody told me about it. You get a employee card,
you can only use it for yourself and your own family. You can't let
a friend use it. You got a 10% discount, apparently. But it's
other supermarkets. I won't mention it because you might want
to go and work there. Right? Is friends and family. So it's family
and friends. She didn't know that. So they did their first shopping.
And I said hold on, hold on, let me call up my friend. See if his
wife's here we can you know get a 10% discount. Right? So
she said haram in the middle of the search is haram we can't do as
Naja is, you know, not permissible. And
is that the way to deal with it?
When you're in your marriage, if the other person has a bad habit,
the way to correct them would be with wisdom with love and
affection.
It's not to just make a point. It doesn't you can't correct anybody
like that.
Except in very limited situations, circumstances.
So what does this make it in the middle of the store? So I said
what did you do then? He said, Well, I just walked out
afterwards. I just didn't know what to say.
She was doing well.
right in the sense that she she thought she was doing right later
she that they discovered that it's well, he knew, but she jumped she,
she jumped to conclusions.
So you have to be very careful about these things.
You just have to take it easy.
You, you, you give somebody that we're in, in a in a very wise way,
I mean
for the women, Maulana Akram nadwi. from Oxford, he's written,
he's done a lot of research on female scholarship. Mahadevi
thought it's called he's written a, an introduction to the many
volumes that discuss the biographies of the female
scholars. And what he's done is he's written an introduction to
this series. And in there, what it mentions is that after reading the
lives of all of these great scholars, write all of these great
Mahadevi thought, I'll give you an example.
Sorry, diplomacy tube was a great derby.
His daughter had studied, she was very beautiful. She'd studied
under him. And many came to ask for her hand in marriage,
including the Hadith. I think Abdullah Medicube, number one, but
he refused everybody.
Finally, he had her marry one of his students, a very humble, quiet
kind of student. So they got married a day later or something,
he got up in the morning, put on his clothing, his shawl, and he
was about to go outside. And she said, What are you going, you
said, I'm going to Doris, I'm going to study he said, take your
she said take your could take your cloak off. I'll teach you
everything that Sally didn't almost say you can teach you.
I'll teach you that there's. So you had women like that in in
history.
However, what Sheikh Akram nadwi says is that after reading the
lives of all of these people, you will never find that despite this
all this great knowledge that they had,
that they ever
acted like what we could call modern day feminists
and refuse to do certain works that are understood to be the
domain of the wife
and call for a certain type of equality, which is a bit strange
to most Muslim households.
There's both sides are to be blamed. And that's the problem
both sides are to be blamed as we got you got this from both sides.
I mean, again, just nothing that comes to mind.
For our women out there,
if you act aggressive,
you will not score any points.
You the reason why you will not score any points
is because aggressive aggression, harshness, that attitude is a
masculine attitude. And your husband has married you
as a woman, for your femininity, not for your feminism. And you
have to make that distinction. Be feminine.
Don't be negative feminists. positive feminists is where
absolutely the rights are being downtrodden, the rights are being
abused, and you need to get your rights, I can understand that. But
remember the secrets for a woman in her marriage is her femininity,
is the love, the compassion, the affection that she shows, you will
be able to overcome your husband like that
more effectively than with aggression.
Of course, there are exempt there are there are exceptions to this.
This. There are exceptions to everything. So you mustn't say
that, you know, I'm saying to even those who are absolutely being
abused and the husband is an absolutely insensitive, rough,
violent, a, you know, abusive individual who doesn't even
understand compassion. There are people of that nature. Because you
get call. I mean, you get emails from women. Every time I come in
the house, I have to avoid my father.
I have to avoid my father. Because we just cannot hold a
conversation. Everything ends up in me being told off about
something. And I've come in sometimes the house and he's hit
my head to the door
What can I mean, I have to just advise such people to go to the
police. They got nobody I said do you have any? Do you have any
cousins? Any uncles that can help you know my nobody lives? Nobody
can talk to my dad
So there are people like that, who just do not understand they have a
certain mindset. And they do not want to change because now they're
5060 years old. And it's miserable for the children inside the house.
And it's miserable for the wife inside the house. You know, the
problem is that you think you can't change.
If you're listening right now, you think you can't change because
that's how you've been for the last 20 3040 years.
You can change
your human being human beings can change. People can go from being
an absolute Catherine Allah, to becoming to becoming one of the
greatest and most pious people.
So why can't you change, you need to just do the right thing. You
need to speak to aroma. And you need to speak to some decent
counselors.
It works. Swallow your pride and go and go and get something done.
If you've got an anger problem talking to the men, if you've got
an anger problem, some women have that as well. It was in the news
recently, that the woman beat up the husband. And he used to be
scared of her.
And you know, she finally killed him.
And the reason why she killed him was over what to watch on TV, he
wanted to watch something, she wanted to watch something else, it
was an argument. And I don't know what she'd done. She stabbed him
in the knee or something like it was on the BBC just a month ago.
So it does happen the other way around. But not as frequently men
are normally the culprits in this. If you've got a problem, go get
some help. You can you can get some help. And those who are
studying in universities and places, one of the things that you
can start thinking about is to learn counseling, to study
counseling, the women who are going and doing all sorts of other
funny things, arts, you know, you know, all sorts of strange things
go that's one field that you need to in because we need women
counselors, we need male counselors, Muslims who understand
where some righteousness,
we need these things.
It's very important.
So beef, when I speak to the women is be feminine.
Don't Don't try to be masculine, because you won't be respected.
They've done studies right now that even women in the workforce,
women on boards, women, you know, in companies, do they get more
credit for being masculine? Or are they there for the femininity?
What's more respect, they've done studies of this nature, because
it's a recent phenomenon that so many women are in the workforce.
So they've been studying these things. And what's appreciated is
the femininity,
one needs to realize that when you start acting away from your role,
then there will be problems, there will be issues.
And finally,
if it does come to a divorced, I know my lectures a bit disjointed,
because it's such a vast topic, starting from how to find a
partner to what to do. And during the marriage and issues, it's just
such a vast thing. The reason is that you've got two individuals,
and the variables, the possibilities are multitude, or a
multitude. There's so many possibilities.
You could have a couple and you've seen this, they're married,
they're having problems, they ended up in a divorce, each one of
these two got married to somebody else. And now they're happily
living, just the dynamics are different. Sometimes what happens
is you got two decent individuals, you put them together and the
sparks that fly. When you look at them separately, they find mother
in law daughter in law, that's a common one. You look at them, the
daughter in India, as an individual, she's fine, a decent
woman, you look at the mother in law with everybody else, she's
decent. But when you put them two together, it just doesn't work.
Sometimes not always. But sometimes it doesn't work.
You have to take some measures to deal with it them. You can't
expect it to just change. You have to take some positive steps to
change these things and to make these things. So as I said, my
lecture is probably disjointed. And since I've spoken about many
different things, but the one thing that I want to speak about,
which is probably the thing that hurts me most, because what
happens is two things. One is in the last few months, right. And I
can say this for any set of months.
I would have probably received and I'm sure that other Obama would
have probably received the same thing that somebody calls up and
says, I've got something to talk to you about. What is it? And now
I can even guess what they're going to speak about. I divorced
my wife. So what did you say? I said Talaq, Talaq Talaq,
right? They know what they've done wrong, because they've got a fatwa
from someone else, but they finding you know, they asking
different people, right. And basically what I'm talking about
is the three divorces. So I asked them, I said, Why did you divorce
three times? He said, That's what I thought you had to do.
I'm thinking Subhanallah you think Allah is so weak that he want
divorce isn't strong enough to do what you have?
To do that you have to use three
like Allah didn't make one divorce strong enough and they do three
then you know the excuses people come up with I'm not very
religious I don't really practice my so where did you come up with
three them? Like three where do you get the magic number three why
wasn't one to 20 million? You know like if you really wanted a very
angry like a million divorces
I can understand that. But when you get three, the magic number
one would have done it. I was actually once I was driving with
somebody in Philadelphia, he was taking me from the airport to to
the program and
I was talking to him and he says, Yeah, I got divorced. And you
know, we divorced and so how many divorces because he felt like he
you know, he liked her. So I was like, okay, maybe I can help to
try to see I said, How many divorces Have you given he says
one. I said okay, mashallah, that's very good. Do I need to
give some more? Have I done it right? Should I give the other
two? I said no, brother, no. One is sufficient. One is sufficient.
People have this major misunderstanding. I'm telling you
in just yesterday, literally somebody have never seen him
before. He comes to me after I said, I want to speak to you I've
got a problem. And they started telling me some long story right
from about 10 years ago. I said, Brother, what is your question?
Because you're not that he's not telling you. You know, he's they
started with a long story. You have to listen to everything. But
at least if you know what the question is, the story will start
making some more sense to you. says, What's your question? So
again, he then he starts from about like,
two months ago, like no, just give me your question first. Okay, I
divorced my wife, I said Talaq, Talaq Talaq, but I was very angry.
That's a typical excuse. Of course, you're angry, who gives
divorces when they're happy? People do. Very few people, you
know that those were measured. But most people do give divorces when
they're angry. But that's valid. It's an effective divorce. And
that's what you have to realize. It is an effective divorce. So let
me tell you brothers and sisters are home because there are sisters
who asked for it. It was this blackmail that takes place.
This blackmail that takes place. You do this just give me a
divorce. They don't really mean it.
It's like a friend of mine is an imam somewhere. He was somebody
had passed away. So his wife comes in says
but Mooji John Doe Moochie Marjana had to stand up and everybody's
holding her back. Then the Imam said, You know what, Hamas, Joe
Joe are gone.
And then she will kind of walk up. It's just a scene that people
make, right? We can laugh about it. But it's serious. What I want
each one of you to do today is to go until at least three to five
people just go and tell him three to five people that if you don't
have to if you are going to divorce because we want to
encourage divorce here. But say that you know many people miss
understand that when a person has to divorce that you have to give
three? No, you just have to give one. It's strong enough. If you're
really angry, you can say I give you a big divorce. I give you a
strong divorce. You can make it a you know, I don't want to go into
the thick of it. But if you give one divorce, the benefit is that
you can actually come back together. But if you give three
divorces, you have to do some dirty halala they call it right.
Yeah, you know, she has to get married. Somebody else have a
consumate marriage and it gets really dirty. And you don't want
to do that. Like yesterday, the guy said we're ready to do halala.
Brother, you want you want you want me to do something haram for
you. You want me to advise you on something haram? I mean, I sent
him to some Farsi speaking audience. Let him deal with you.
Right. It's really sad. It's really sad, right? And these are
happening, I'm telling you, they tell you we're ignorant. We don't
know our religion. So how do you know about three I just don't get
that. It's really sad. So brothers and sisters listening at home,
please tell at least three different people because this is
such a misunderstanding in our community that people just blurt
out three, and one is more than sufficient. One is more than
sufficient.
Say something else, but do not say more than more than one divorce.
One friend told me he was in Egypt. And he what he saw was that
he went to somebody's house. And in some cultures, they do this and
it's really bad. Right?
He was saying I don't want to eat. So there was some guests there.
And he put out some food or he said I'll bring you some food. And
he said no, we don't want to eat. So what he then said is,
if you don't eat my wife is divorced.
It is really sad. This is really sad. This is so despicable. And
the reason is, she's the one who cooked the food. And now you're
saying if you guys don't eat, then she is divorced.
Now imagine if you had some stubborn guy down there. Right?
And he said, No, I'm not gonna eat I don't care.
Then what's going to happen?
This is a joke. It's a joke. It's sad.
And women do this as well just give me a divorce just give me a
deal. We'll just say it just say it you should not do that. You
should not deal with it. You should not speak about this. You
know, the reason why people normally give divorces
okay? You know why people actually give divorces is and accidentally
is because they entertaining the thought in their mind. If you
don't entertain the thought in your mind, you can get as angry
and I've seen people get angry with their with their wives or
husbands or whatever. They don't say divorce, you say something
else. But if you entertain the thought, anyway, next time she
does this, I'm going to say it, then it will come out even though
you don't want to say it. Don't entertain it. The weirdest story
is that a couple came to me and they were studying Arabic.
And you know, their question was they were studying Arabic. And I
said to you know, my wife, she said to me, it was the other way
around. Is that Auntie polyphonic? Practicing the Arabic and the
polygon, which means you are divorced. Like can you think of
saying anything else?
There's such misunderstanding about this the other day somebody
else called me he said, If I'm explaining from caduti dots, and
I'm explaining the how divorce issues work, will my wife become
divorced? I'm saying yes, that will.
I was just joking with him. You can discuss it an Alan can discuss
it with somebody else I would expect it will not be he won't be
divorcing his wife. But if you joke around with your wife,
because Professor Lawson said three things if you joke, or
you're serious, they will be affected. And one of them is is is
divorce. So you do not say even for a joke. And the reason the way
you can abstain from saying it accidentally is by not
entertaining it in your mind. Right? May Allah subhanaw taala
give you an eye all the Tofik to preserve our marriages enhance
them, because the one person that is going to be with you in
Paradise is going to be your spouse. You won't be with your
mother or your daughter or your son or your father or your uncle
or whoever it is. You will be with your wife. You won't be with your
girlfriend or boyfriend for that matter.
If you're even if we're even in paradise for that, but you will be
with your spouse Subhanallah
make it go well make it go well, may Allah give us all the Tofig
that we both can enter into genetic videos, both us and our
spouses. And may Allah subhanho wa Taala give us Tofik welcome