Abdur Rahman ibn Yusuf Mangera – Imam Sha’rani’s Code of Companionship Series Seeking Advice From Others
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It will really increase the Mahatma and the love. There's a
hadith that says that anybody who wants to do something, and then he
consults a Muslim person in this regard. Allah subhanho wa Taala
will enable them give them a divine guidance towards the best
of affairs. So one is what you will be provided by your brother,
the consultation, but then there's a special Baraka that Allah places
because you have
you have made this association with others in that regard. So
there's a Baraka in it as well. It's not just the benefit that
you'll get from your brother, but in this entire encounter, and this
exchange, Allah will place baraka and you will do even better. It
will help. Of course, there's many practical explanations of that
that make it very clear.
Bismillah al Rahman al Rahim Al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil Alameen wa
salatu salam ala so you did more saline or he or Safi or Baraka was
seldom at the Sleeman kefir on Isla Yomi. Dean a mother to
continue with Imam I love a Shah Ronnie's advice on what one
brother needs to do for another brother. He says Well, I mean, how
can Aki Aki Are you? Shall we are houfy equally Amblin bohemian
forgot the Kuru and Masha Allah Tata Z Luffy Safa il Muhammad will
Hadith human or other Aman fossa fee Imran Muslim and warthog a
hula hula the option you own in this next piece of advice is
extremely beneficial.
And it is provides a great satisfaction in life.
A person is then prone to less errors, less mistakes. And the
reason for it is regardless of how confident a person is how self
confident a person is self reliant a person is how a person may feel
so independent of others.
There's many, many times that he person, if they're true and honest
with themselves, they'll discover that had they spoke or had they
spoken to somebody before they committed the act or taken the
step or made the decision. They if they had made matura they would
have been better off because there was something so clear, but
because a person was so involved, the more involved a person is in
something, the more it becomes veiled and obscure. You only see
certain this is human failing, this is the way humans are. It's
very difficult. That's why you may notice that you'll see something
today and you'll think it's perfect. sleep over it. Give it a
day or two. And You'll then notice how it can be improved. Especially
if you're writing something, you can see this very clearly. If
you're writing something and there's not much more you can do
on that day with it, you've just you're done. It looks fine.
Two days later, you look at it and there's room for improvement. You
give it to somebody else, then give you some suggestions. And
they resonate with you and you think well I can think about that.
Human no human is perfect Allah makes it very clear in the Quran
Woolfolk Oliviere, Illuminati
above every person who possesses knowledge is another one more
knowledgeable, so achieve.
And
an individual may be very knowledgeable about something. But
that knowledge about that thing sometimes becomes crippling for
them because they miss out something that an ordinary person
would see.
I mean, I'm in the design art, in terms of publishing, we deal with
a lot of design work typography, it's all about art and beauty and
aesthetics. And,
you know, it'd be a massive mistake on our behalf if, if I did
the design, I did the typesetting or whatever, and then just put it
out there, you know, yeah, you get other people to check in.
And
you can disagree with what they say but sometimes it helps to kind
of sift out
it's very important, I
can't stress this enough. So in major matters of life, one should
definitely make matura because they will show you aspects that we
that we are blind to because of our very close emotional
involvement.
Some people find it very difficult to ask others you know, to even
roll down the window and to say, Can you help me can you they will
go in circles.
Now when is your tom toms
When the days when TomTom are very recent thing, very recently, last
510 years maybe in terms of you know, but
some people I've been with some people they will just keep going
around in circles go around and they will not open the window and
ask somebody, they just find it very difficult. So he says one
right or another right of one brother over the other is that he
seek
it consult with him in any important matter in every
important matter. The Allama have mentioned that Mashallah.
MashAllah means seeking, consulting, seeking another
opinion, it
really increases and enhances the love between somebody. Because if
you're consulted by somebody who makes you feel important, it makes
you feel
worry valuable, that you hold some values of it. That's why they're
asking your opinion. So especially between friends, then you should
ask your friend because what is that you spring up a decision to
somebody very close to you? Hey, when did you make that decision?
When did you come up with this, you know, generally is better to
make my shoulder
it will really increase the Mahatma and the love. There's a
hadith that says that anybody who wants to do something, and then he
consults a Muslim person in this regard. Allah subhanho wa Taala
will enable them give them a divine guidance towards the best
of affairs. So one is what you will be provided by your brother,
the consultation, but then there's a special Baraka that Allah places
because you have
you have made this association with others in that regard. So it
is a Baraka ins as well. It's not just the benefit that you'll get
from your brother, but in this entire encounter. And this
exchange, Allah will place baraka and you will do even better. It
will help of course, there's many practical explanations on that
that make it very clear. This hadith is related by Imam Tabara
and in his OSA from Abner bacilli hola Juan. It's a dive dive
narration but if narration for sure, but the practical benefits
cannot be discounted what kind of see the ideal house your cool
array you can be Moshe quality one equal equally a marine bohemian
for interval Hadith Hema ha the minister Hara wala Anna Dima
Minister Shah,
his Sheikh Ali Al Havas used to say, it is incumbent upon you to
consult with your brothers in every important matter, in every
important matter, because it says in a hadith that the person who
does is the horror, we'll never be, we'll never be at loss, we'll
never lose out. And the person who consults with others will never be
remorseful.
Because at the end of the day, the way the world works is that when
we do something and then we have to face the consequences,
especially if the negative consequences, then we start
feeling that had I known better, I would have done this had I known
better would have done this. Now, if a person has asked Allah by
doing this the hara, he's ticked one of the main boxes, he's asked
Allah for assistance. Number two, he has also consulted others about
it. So he's tried to avoid and eliminate any silly mistakes and
foolish mistakes in that regard. If still, after that things go
wrong and they can go wrong. They can go wrong, is the Hara is not
magic. It's not
a way to guarantee a positive outcome, the way you think is
positive. Yes, there'll be a positive outcome. Inshallah, in
the long run, in the general affairs of this world, yes,
because Allah will help you in that regard. But it is not to
guarantee that it will work out the way you want it to. Because
maybe that is not what Allah had in mind, it is clearly not what
aligned in mind. But if we've made this, the harder, and we've made
matura, the to the benefit we get is that if something then does go
wrong, we still, at least, do not feel unsatisfied. At least we
still think we've done everything that we could have done. After
that it's beyond anybody who gets angry after that, after making
much shorter after doing istikhara. And then they still get
upset when something goes wrong. Well, then they think they got
because
things are gonna go wrong.
It doesn't always come right. And once we discover and realize and
acknowledge that things can still go wrong, then it's so much
easier.
You're not in for surprises anymore. You can tolerate it, you
can you can manage it, and you can manage your emotion. And the best
person is the one who manages his emotions, because then he's ready
for the next challenge.
Any person who's pushed down because a setback took place and
now they saw grievious
over it, they become despondent, they become depressed, they've
just wasted part of their life. So a person who can get up and go,
and is able to just jump these hoops very easily, they're going
to happen anyway. So let's learn how to jump over them and carry
on. This makes life so easy. I remember there was a printer we
were working with, and they made a mistake. There were two colors
white, and a cream, clear distinction in the artwork that
was provided for them on the cover of a book, we get the cover back,
printed, and it's white at the top, the white is white at the
top, but gradually it becomes towards the cream, when you go
towards the bottom, contacted them. And they're saying, it's I
mean,
it's only for us that we know it's wrong. Anybody who may pick up the
book will look at it and say, Well, maybe they intended that
gradient effects, right. So when nobody knows what it's supposed to
be, and it doesn't look really, really bad, and it's okay, you
know, for them. But for us, it's a matter of principle that they've
done something wrong, their press man on the on the machines did
something wrong, because there needs to be a clear disconnect
this distinction, that White should not become a yellow. So
printers will generally try to avoid any kind of liability
because it's cost for them. So they said,
Oh, that's just different printers. Because this was the
reprint of another book that we've done with another printer before
he said, Oh, this is just different printers. I said, Look,
I completely understand different printers. But this is not a
different printer, it's the same book that has white at the top.
And that same color becomes creamish. Towards the bottom, I
sent them the original artwork marking, you know, where it's
supposed to be white, and here, it's not white. So then finally I
said, Look, we don't want to spoil this relationship. We don't want
to spoil this relationship. And but there is this case, yeah, this
is an honest issue. And, you know, we've got a number of other books
that we still need to do. But you know, that something is going to
have to happen here. Now we're winning, because I've already kind
of accepted the fact that it's done. And it's, it's not the end
of the world. Even if they came back and said we can't do
anything, whatever, whatever, okay, fine, we'll just sign that
off. No problem, not gonna let it affect us. You know, we're not
going to cry over it too much. So you're prepared. But Hamdulillah,
they finally came back and they acknowledge their mistake. And
they said, Okay, we'll either give you 10% back, or bring the books
back in, take the covers off, redo them, stick them back.
Right. So if you're willing to accept that there is going to be a
loss, and you can deal with it. It's so much easier than you know,
no sleepless nights, what they're going to say tomorrow, what
they're going to come back with, what's his argument going to be
about? Because at the end of the day, how much time you're going to
waste. So I a friend of mine, who used to sell something, and supply
something, there were some creditors of some sorry, customers
who didn't pay, and they would make you jump through hoops to
pay.
There's people who are like this, they're the worst of businessmen,
they don't get bothered.
Even if they see a big expansion in the beginning, they don't get
broken because they make you jump through hoops to get your rights.
And the Prophet sallallahu sallam said that the best person is the
one who has his personal
when you owe something to somebody has no other. What does that mean?
Some people think it means that if I borrowed 100 pounds from
somebody Hustler, that means I give back 110 pounds.
It doesn't mean that that's Riba.
Nobody's telling me to give back more. But personal other means
give it back, well give it back within the time, go and deliver
it. Give it to him without having to ask, don't say, Okay, I've got
it. But you'd have to come on this weird time. Or I'm really sorry, I
don't have it yet. You know, so and the best excuse that people
use the general excuse, oh, I'm still waiting for others to pay me
when who cares? You owe me I don't care about who owes you. But
that's the biggest excuse a lot of engender are genuine situations
where that is the case.
But personal adept means to pay on time beautifully, without causing
any hindrance to the other person and make it a smooth transaction.
And some people can't do that. Then this brother, I had some
experience with that. And this brother, this friend of mine was
mashallah a very reasonable individual. He said, Look, I've
left it is no point it's wasting time to go behind that person. I
could do so much other works on with liquor in that place than to
chase this person for $200 or whatever it may may have been. So
sometimes it's just not worth it. Because you can get back
eventually, you'd rather go and do something else. Sometimes, of
course, it's a matter of principle or somebody has to be you know,
some it just depends on the situation.
But anyway, going back to the whole matura issue, anybody who's
made this the hara and who's made matura who is asked Allah through
is
The FARA and who has consulted, they will at least not feel a
sense of loss. And they will not be remorseful because they've done
what they could do. And now it's in Allah's hand. Now we just need
to do some work, and Allah will give us better. That's why there's
a number of poems that are very interesting in this regard. One of
them says, Shall with a haka mineral Philhealth, eel Mushkin
will work Bill Nasi had to follow the motor for DD, which is
consult with your brother in everything that is subtle and
complicated, and accept the Naseeha and the guidance, that
advice of every decent, honorable individual.
Don't be too arrogant to accept advice from others. Because
sometimes you don't want advice somebody finds out and they give
you honest advice because they feel for you, but you're not
seeing it. This generally manifests itself when you're
emotionally attached to you know, the, the opposite gender, when
it's one of those marital issues or something. So it says, Look,
this is not a good person for you. He's like this or he's like that,
or she's like, this is like that, you know, but you're so
emotionally attached. You don't take that. So then that's what he
said accepted. Another poem says shall with a haka, either, but
gonna EBA tune Yeoman, we're in quantum in real maturity, Phil Are
you tell kaka and Myrna Danna, what a thorough NAFSA it'll be
Marathi, which means
consult with your brother, when something
befalls you. When something befalls you, on any day, even if
you are a person who is generally consulted,
you're generally a consultant to others, you're a master of the
topic, you know, you're a master in this subject, but still ask
others because and he this is where he makes it clear, this is a
point of wisdom. He says because the eye
it runs up against the wall,
the closer you are to it, you can't really see it, you're in the
forest, you can't see the forest for what it is, you can only see
that one or two trees around you. What you need is somebody who's
looking at it with an aerial view,
you know, in a
nun committed way,
what are Terrassa in love him in it, and then the person will not
see himself except with a mirror. So even if you are a person who is
consulted, consult with others.
Another the next rate he speaks about we've done about 30 rates 30
approximately 30 rates so far. He says women have been lucky in
their era who are older who either have and whom
one another rights, one brother over the other is to go and
ask
about the welfare of his family when he's not around.
So your friends on a business trip or out there somewhere going
somewhere for a while, then to try to see if they need anything.
There's something that can help them. If the women folk of the
house for example, need something, shopping, some assistance with
anything else, that kind of a thing.
Of course this needs to be done with other unfortunately today
there are many stories of people who have unfortunately committed
haram, with other people's wives when they are absent. It's a major
problem. That's why the Prophet sallallahu sallam said that for a
person to commit Zina with his neighbor's wife is worse, worse
than other types of Zina because there's an element of trust that
was there. So like likewise, like a neighbor, like a friend and this
is unfortunately does does happen in some cases, because there's
there's emotion, there's a lot of emotion that can be manipulated or
shaytan is always there to help out in his way,
but other ways to look after them. So with some other women Color Me
him millimeter focal area, he he feels it better, he forgot
highness,
the Musharraf have said that whoever does not go and seek the
welfare and go and ask about the welfare of his brother's family,
during his absence, then he has betrayed his companionship
Subhanallah beautiful expression of this I saw recently I was in
takeoff and there was another scholar there from one of the
cities in India. And I know another scholar in that city, who
I wanted to go and study with, but it never materialized. So I asked
when I discovered that this particular individual is from
Moradabad. I said, Do you know Mufti so and so he says, of
course.
So you know, we are friends. And now this is in the last 10 days of
Ramadan. And he said, Yes, I know you very well. And I just, my
family just told me that he's also come.
You know, he's asked about, about everything about the family and
everything. And he's also delivered Edie to my children in
advance, because of because he's not there.
Now that's being really considerate that okay, these
children do not have a father at this point, you know, to give them
the EDI money or whatever. So he took the father's place and gave
them the E gift in advance as well. I found that Subhanallah
This is the character of the alumni this is the way it should
everybody should be like this is the right of the brother over
there. I mean, how can you shelter who female and He will even
this one is a difficult one.
This one only the Sahaba could do. And those who are law chooses this
is a very difficult one. I'm going to mention this preliminary
beforehand just before you think this is extreme, because a lot of
us cannot fathom how this is possible. Forget with a companion.
A lot of us can not even think how we could do this with your own
blood brother or sister.
But the Sahaba did this. And he says then one another rate of one
brother over the others and you shouted who female he will ad is
to give him a portion of your wealth and other possessions.
That he'd be his is considered his half half half for you have for
me. If you wanted Here you go.
Call the shakable mama Hey Masha.
shakable mama Habesha then he says he boiled for theory either AHA
villa. And you shouted Allahu Fie, Maddie. It is necessary for the
one the fakir here doesn't refer to the poor person, but it's the
one who's referring to the person on the path of Allah subhanho wa
Taala the serious worshiper, it is necessary for that person when he
wants to make a brother in the path that he also make his brother
a shareholder in his world. camelphat little unsolved, Malmo
hygiene like dancer did the MaHA Jeannine Hina. Kadeem worry him
and Medina when they arrived to Madina, Munawwara Well, whom for
Cara, and they were destitute at the time, in in the real sense of
the word destitute for khulumani doll, who were the Fila from the
hen firm Dehaene, who we had behind the hill Meezan. So
anybody, that anybody that claims to love somebody for the sake of
Allah, then this is their test.
This is that, as do you really love them for the sake of Allah,
that you can even share your wealth with them. As I said, that,
forget about others, people won't even do this completely with their
own blood brothers, is very few people who could even live
together with their brother and their family without having
problems and conflicts in the house.
They can't even live with their mother and father, just because
either the mother in law is going to abuse or the daughter in law
won't play game, play ball, whatever the case may be, you
know, children cannot live with their fathers today and with their
parents today.
So how can I mean, I have I have seen cases where brothers have
lived together, work together, had businesses and never had a major
argument. They've shared their wealth. I've seen that there are
examples of the daunting there, there aren't like, I can think of
at least two examples where Brothers live together and share
their wealth to a certain degree.
And to such a degree that essentially all the businesses
that everybody is now in the sense that they are together. But this
is obviously talking about making a new friend, that's not a
brother, that's not a blood brother, and for the sake of
Allah, and then after that sharing, you're welcome them, then
here you go, whatever you want to take it. It's very difficult,
very, very high level.
But at least they should make us a bit more generous and less
miserly. If this is the minimum that this can do for us. Because
at the end of the day, this is these are possessions of the
world. We do something for the sake of Allah, Allah will reward
replenish and give back see the herbal Medina tell him Sonny, one
of the greatest scholars that went through to him son in Algeria.
They call him holdable. meridian is a big Sufi of the area of that
time.
He says
manmade years have been a theory he was here but he he fell milky
from our facade better be Hopkin. Now, it seems like these people
actually enacted this kind of real companionship. That's why they're
able to make these statements. I mean, he's saying that anybody who
makes a distinction between his clothing and his brother's
clothing in terms of ownership, these are mine, these are yours,
anybody who does that? He hasn't fulfilled the rights of
companionship.
If
we would fail here, many of us would fail here. He also said, la
tech Tamil Serbia Touka Illa been Shira, he saw Derrek Lee Colima
are the who who can be moronic, that your companionship cannot be
complete exception unless your heart feels totally clear and
totally expanded, not tight. But anything that your brother will
take from your wealth
comes and wants to take something from your wealth.
And of course, you don't want a brother who's going to take
everything of yours. It's not a brother.
So that's not what we're speaking about here. We're speaking as
somebody who's in need, who comes in wants to take in you know, he
knows he can come to you. And mashallah, there are friends like
this, can I borrow your car, please? Here you go. Not an issue.
You know, can I come and stay overnight at your house? Not a
problem? Can I take this? Can I take that it's not an issue.
There are some people who like that I'm the ruler. And to be
honest, if you if we find this difficult to give things to
people, and
how do you deal with that? How long are we going to be like that?
Essentially, the way to deal with it is to give is to start giving
small amounts. And that's how you kind of push yourself open. So you
push yourself open, you know, when you want to widen anything, right?
You have to you know the you know, braces, when people nowadays you
don't see my shoulder many people have protruding protruding teeth,
because pretty much everybody gets braces and they go in, you don't
go in overnight do they? They go in over time, then have to put the
braces on and then the wires get pulled. So like this same thing
you give and you expand Creek creeks, the heart expands. And you
give a bit more it feels a bit bad, but the next time 10 pond
will be easy. The next time 30 pond will be easy. The next time
50 Pond donating will be a bit easier. You know, so do a bit more
each time and push open the hearts. So then he says Wilma
timer widget the fecal beaker in kibaale, the methodic. So he says
yes, you shouldn't feel discontent when your brother takes from your
wealth, clothing or your food. And anytime that you feel like that,
then that means you are a monastic in your companionship. You're a
hypocrite. You're not you don't have real companionship. Their
status is high. The standard is high. We'll call about the home
murder sicko server to buy anything you had the awkward.
Yeah, Anna Allahu Akbar. This is really giving us an example. He
says that some have said that companionship between two people
cannot be valid and complete until one is able to say to the other
Oh, me.
Yeah, and I owe me like, you and I are the same.
Well as a bit of in mania, cool, cos it Oh, Toby, you're not a
brother to somebody, if you say this is my plate, this is my
garment. This is my jacket. You're not a brother to somebody like
that. One thing you have to remember is that
all of these things are being said for our benefits.
Totally Be careful, you no totally avoid looking at others and saying
he's not a true brother because he wouldn't do this for me.
But ask yourself, will you do it for him?
So do not think of others and say they will not do this for me think
will I do this even for my own blood brothers, my cousins, my
relatives, and my friends and others, because if you try to test
others in this regard, they all fail. But then we are the biggest
fail industry God
because he says that, this, the editor mentions that this kind of
companionship and this sharing is a very, very, very difficult, very
difficult thing to do.
But the Sahaba proved it and it comes from there's a basis of this
in the Hadith Allah you know,
the Prophet sallallahu sallam said Allah you know I had to have your
head believe he might know him well enough say that none of you
are complete believers until you your your love for your brother,
what you love for yourself. Okay, the next point is women. How can
you add an ally at a cut the men who either call Allahu Ana badhak
so your friend, for whatever reason came to you one day and
said, I hate you.
I don't like you anymore. Something to that effect.
So do not feel bad about this meeting. Sorry, do not let your
side of the friendship be destroyed because of this or be
polluted because of this. What should you do instead? Oh, I hate
you as well.
So a lot of people you know they have this hazard Giovanni, this
immediate response? Well, I hate you
as well, big deal.
That's not the attitude that a person should have. Doesn't Bishop
become concerned? You fat tissue out of the fertility of other who
they actually try to figure out what is it making him feel this
way must be something serious, it's a friend and then suddenly he
comes and feels like that about you, there must have been
something massive somebody either fed him
polluted his mind, or that we actually did maybe inadvertently
without realizing. We really made a big blunder. And sometimes you
can make blunders without realizing we're humans at the end
of the day. So figure out what it is. And then try to eliminate that
problem.
If Alhamdulillah that removes the problems Hamdulillah. Otherwise,
continue to try to discover what the problem is. Because if he is a
true friend, he's not going to break up with you for nothing. You
know, you've got somebody you've been with for a very long time,
why should they break up with you for nothing? Unless it's something
really serious? If it is a misunderstanding, clarify that
misunderstanding.
If it is, somebody else is going to break up with you. There's
never been a sincere friend anyway from the beginning.
But you don't expect that kind of thing to happen with somebody. The
next point, I mean, hockey, hockey, I love hockey a year too
much zero.
A lot of people have problem with this. Another writer one brother
over the other is to hold their secrets
don't reveal everything they tell you is to hold their secrets. In
this circle our because the secret is like their private parts. Some
it's their private lives, their private aspects of their life,
what can hurt him or cashflow her, and just as it is haram to reveal
your private parts of that of others to others. Likewise, they
see secrets are the same when another layer or to look at them
with the head that we have to speak about them.
A Hadith mentions my settler our data he anybody who conceals the
the
covered part of their brother, then Allah subhanho wa Taala will
cover their faults, defects, their hidden parts, Allah will keep them
covered. And anybody who reveals the covered parts of others,
they're covered secrets, that defects whatever should be
covered, whether physically covered in words.
Allah subhanho wa Taala will also open up there, there was a person
who wanted to keep something at his friend's house.
So his friend tells him,
okay, I can keep it for you. But he's he kind of made a remark he
said, but I better not tell my wife. I mean, this could be this
could work anywhere around. But essentially, can you imagine a
situation where a husband cannot trust his wife to hold a secret,
or a wife cannot trust the husband to hold the secrets of the house,
that you have to keep things away from your spouse, because they may
tell somebody that you don't want
Subhanallah the man has to be responsible
for the welfare of his family anyway. And then the wives
responsibility. One of the two responsibilities that are the
fundamental responsibilities that a wife has towards a husband is
not cooking, or cleaning, that's not the fundamental
responsibility, the fundamental responsibility is to be available
whenever he wants.
Right? And number two, to God is home from home from anybody who he
doesn't want to enter when he's not around. That's the fundamental
tour responsibilities. Right?
So if she cannot God his secrets, then isn't that the same as
letting people strangers into the house? SubhanAllah. And if you've
got a husband like that, that's even worse.
Subhanallah this person said to his friend, to his associate with
whoever he was, I better not tell my wife.
Why she let others know.
Some people just can't hold it back.
Some people just cannot hold it back. Also, and so gave us this to
look after
or so and so did this. He came last night.
Sometimes children, they make these blunders as they're growing
up, and you have to tell them look, you can't tell people about
your household things. So sometimes children start with that
they you know, they go to your relative's house or whatever and
tell them everything that happened in your house. You know, my my
father bought this or my father has this much money or I don't
know what.
For example, once
one kid totally everywhere. My mom has a lot of money. You know, he's
his definition, a lot of money. She had a lot of change.
She had a lot of change. So for them what
coin is more valuable than a piece of paper. Seriously, write a five
Penny write is more valuable than a 10 pound note. And if you've got
lots of change in a jar, you know, sadaqa jar or something like that,
it's got a lot of money my mom,
may Allah give her more Baraka.
Imagine going to school and telling everybody my mom has a lot
of money. And she keeps it here, you know. But anyway, coming back
to this
person, you need to hide your frenzy and you have to be
considerate about this. It doesn't mean that you totally don't say
anything. I mean, there are certain things that can be
mentioned and praise of them and so on so forth. But the person has
to be very careful as to what they say. Because if you've been
trusted, and then you've betrayed that trust, without realizing that
can really mess up a relationship. Trust is very important. And
especially between spouses and close business partners,
associates in other ways, and so on so forth. We'll see we'll see
at the Schaefer Bill miroir he was Chahine and to share Sarah Higa
Illa Lady He vain Allah Obama Nakata, cabbie Radek the hostility
dunya on our hero, in in the advices of shakable mama he was
Shalini he says that, be totally be very careful and avoid
revealing the secrets of your brothers to others because Allah
subhanaw taala may begin to dislike you because of that. Allah
loves to conceal his the Zaatar Yasa tar Storni Oh, concealer
conceal me that's what we say. If Allah wasn't the concealer, we
would be totally went away will be if our minds and our thoughts, our
emotions, our sometimes fantasies, our sometimes practices, if they
were not hidden,
then that would be really bad. That's why I had Eve mentioned
that the worst of the sinners is the one who commits a sin at
night. Allah has concealed him, nobody knows. He goes and tells
everybody on Facebook the next day, the Hadith as I mentioned
Facebook, by the way, that's just one way of doing it today. Because
you need something juicy online to say that juicy it is the more
likes you get, the more controversial it is. People love
controversy normally.
And some people thrive and company they create. And it's actually a
justification nowadays, I'm just trying to be controversial.
That is in media. That's the justification to get away with
hurting somebody just trying to be controversion second
justification. And believe me, we living in the West have accepted
this wholesale. And we also do that in our actions.
Did you know what I mean, when you say that, you know, when you kind
of provoked something. And that could be taken as libel. But then
you could get away with saying that oh, I'm in the media, I'm
just being controversial is trying to solicit reaction.
See what people say,
at the expense of somebody else.
This is the normal kind of thing that's that people are doing
nowadays. The next point will mean how can you allow your saw data
man no matter who fee other than a very, very, very important point
a person
another rate of one brother over the other is that he must not
accept
any
tail bearing and information that is brought to him by somebody. So
if somebody says to you that your friend, your associate your
brother, whoever it is, does this or that tail bearing, giving you
some juicy information, do not believe them. This is a right that
you have towards your brother or you do not accept this. Something
serious is understandable. But this is talking about
telling stories.
Conveying you know this kind of backbiting and things of this
nature. Her gentle Islam Allah Hazari Rahima hula, then which
ended up the fifth century. He says, I know who he couldn't even
hammer that in a in a Mima sit the two or more.
Anytime that somebody brings a tail to you, you have to do six
things, it's necessary to do six things. Number one, you do not
accept them.
You don't accept accept.
Number two, you prohibit don't say, Look, you shouldn't be doing
this. This is bad what you're doing.
Number three, hate him for the sake of Allah.
Hate him for the sake of Allah. Like I dislike this act that
you're doing. Think about it inside don't like what he's doing.
Don't get involved in that says NGOs. You hate somebody not gonna
get involved with them. Remember, we already clarified what it means
to hate somebody you hate their act when you mentioned that
before. So you give them the
possibility of changing, you know, you're not discounting them
completely.
Number four, a lie alone nobleman, kuleana, who sue, to keep your
mind clear about who they've spoken about, sometimes very
difficult. But you can get used to doing it. And you have to listen
to a lot of others. And you realize in a number of ways
through a number of experiences that people don't always tell the
truth. And is, you know, subhanAllah, there's been so many
times that one husband or wife has come and told me about the other
side, and made them seem like absolute monsters, you take their
words, literally, the other side are like monsters, then when you
have heard the other side of the story, suddenly they no longer
monsters, and they make this side look like a monster. And you
realize time and time and time again, it's both parties that have
got something to do in many cases, one is worse than the other. Yes.
Right. They're not always equally responsible. One is definitely
worse than the other. But everything this person said about
this partner is not always 100%. True, there's going to be a lot of
exaggeration, without realizing.
So now, when I listen to any site, my response to them will always be
that if what you're telling me is the truth, then this is what you
should do, then I think you should do this. Because I don't want them
to go and take this and say, This is what I was told to do. So I
make them feel very, I kind of don't make them feel very secure
about what they're saying. When you tell them. Look, I haven't
heard the other side of the story. And I also quite challenged them
first. And I said, Okay, so what's your responsibility in all of
this? What's your faulty normal this? They've never thought about
it that way. Right? If somebody tells me, I got no fault
whatsoever, I find that extremely hard to believe it's not an
impossibility. But I find that very, very difficult to believe.
Most people will tell me eventually and say, well, this,
but therefore will be very minuscule. But handled, I have
also dealt with people who are very clear and upfront about their
problems. And there are also many Alhamdulillah, I've dealt with
issues where one side
has absolutely no who's the aggressive side, can't help
aggressing has absolutely no problem with the other side.
You get some really crazy stories.
But the way to deal with this is when somebody brings you a story,
don't get involved. Right from the beginning, say,
I'm not supposed to take this to heart.
I'm not supposed to take this to heart. It's not like one of those
where I've just discovered a story, let me contact the times.
You know, it's not one of those things. Just try to bury it as
much as possible. And it's possible to do that.
When you've heard enough, and you don't even want to know you don't
even want to remember. So sometimes somebody comes back to
me after you dealt with my case last year. Can you please remind
me again of that case?
Because
how much do you want to keep in your head? What kind of repository
Do you want to make your mind, remembrance of Allah people's
problems, and your heart, don't take it to heart is bad for your
heart. So number three was, dislike them for the sake of
Allah. Number four, do not think bad of the person who has been
spoken about. And number five, do not go and try to ascertain its
reality. Of course, if it's about you, or if there's harm that you
see coming in a very specific situation, then you have to be
careful. But if it's just a story about somebody hurt us get rid of
it. Number six, definitely do not convey it to others. Right,
definitely do not convey it to others. Shake my Wahiba that he
says whenever somebody brings to you any tale from somebody, a
friend of yours, say to him
I have full conviction about my love. And my friendship with this
friend of mine, I have conviction about it. What you're bringing to
me is speculation and conviction and certainty cannot be eliminated
by mere speculation.
So tell them in a principled way, this is the way I'm going to deal
with it. Shake up Donald Dean. He says even either Nakata illegal
Adam Carolla and fear decom and Adam, if somebody brings to you
some criticism that somebody else made of you about your honor. So
now this is the tail, right? This guy's been speaking about you, So
and so has been speaking about you. That's that really gets
people going in it. Now. What did he say? Why did he say that? It
gets you going? So if somebody does that first Giroux first tell
him off. Well, how can I mean as the one even if this is another
very close friend of yours. Tell him off first. say to him if you
think
But I am like the way he is that he is saying I am. Right. If you
think his criticism is true, then you and him are the same. You and
him are the same. In fact, you're worse than him. Because he doesn't
come and tell me, and you're telling me and making me feel bad.
It's just another way of looking at it. Right? So he at least he's
got the decency to not tell me about in my face. And you have,
right? And if you don't think that this is right, and you think this
is totally invalid, and false, then why do you even bring it up?
What's the benefit of bringing that up to me, and the story.
This isn't telling us to bury our heads in the sand, you have to
remember that. But what this is saying is that a lot of what is
brought in front of us is not mostly true.
And there's not much truth in it. So try to avoid as much of them as
possible.
And it's only the few that may get a goal that might be important to
pursue and deal with. That's what it is. Don't have an attitude to
just jump up on everything that's being said, because you will be
wasting a huge amount of time.
And he says walk around the corner, the lady had the rissalah
Andaman Harada in your Dumela who would do us harbor he followed the
column and Emami be birdie Raji. And we have mentioned in another
place in this treaties of ours, that anybody who wants to have a
long term relationship with difference, then they should try
to repel the news that the tails that these people bring right from
the first instance, don't let even get into heart and then try to
dispel it, it gets more difficult. So if somebody sees a bad dream,
what are you supposed to do that, from this experience, and from
this advice, see a bad dream? scary dream? Well, that's even
more fickle. That's even more artificial, in a sense. And the
promise was said that if something scares you and frightens us from
the shape on our will to be loved. So if you're gonna get obsessed
about these things, it's going to destroy your life.
Subhanallah
I've seen in hindsight, how withholding yourself is so
beneficial. I give you an example. There's a brother who does some
editing work for us. And out of all my editors that I've worked
with, I have the most respect for him. Because he does the best job
for me, meaning I really respect his his knowledge of the language,
his editing skills. And I think he just hits the mark. It's that
ideal that I like, however, he's busy. And we made a deal that he
would do this much work for us, you know, for this. And then he
got really busy, and the promise, and we paid him, and so on all the
rest of it. And he just wasn't being as responsive as he's
usually.
I had every right to tell him off and say, you know, you, basically,
you've been paid in advance for this many pieces of work, and
you're not doing it now. And you're delaying us and so on and
so forth.
But I withheld myself.
And I'm glad I did those so many times, I think I was driven to the
brink because I needed the book. And it wouldn't come promise.
Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday, next week, it went on, it literally has
gone on, it's went on for years, in a sense, right.
But today Alhamdulillah I didn't do that. Because I value his work
had I messed it up them and just shouted at him and said what I
felt at the time, then I may have felt
some release in me about that. But at the end of the day on the
benefits, were they
because I wasn't going to ask him for my money back.
And there wouldn't be any more work we do. And I would have
spoiled the friendship. Because he's like a friend as well. He's a
student in fact of mine as well. I would have spoiled all of that
relationship.
So things like this can happen. And I can understand that he got
busy. I've been busy like that I'm busy right now like that I get so
many grant, I can't respond to them. Because I'm so busy trying
to finish off a work or something like that, that for days on end, I
won't respond to my emails. So I can understand that and that's
what he must have been going from but when you're in need of
something, and they're busy, you don't understand their business
because your need takes precedence in your mind at the time. But now
thinking back that if I had messed it up with him, I wouldn't have
been able to communicate with him anymore now and I've got any work
out of him afterwards. He didn't I'm gonna produce the workout a
long time afterwards. I'm hungry laden. And now he does still help.
So that's why in hindsight, the the benefit I get from this is
that
If there's no benefit in breaking up a relationship and shouting and
turning somebody off, except that you'll just feel a bit better for
that moment only, there's no point doing so. Yes, if somebody's ugly,
and they've just been really bad with you, and whatever and easily
tell them and you don't want to work with them again, in the
future, there's a different story to set somebody writes in their
place, different story. When you value somebody's work, and you
think they can turn around still, and it's not the end of the day,
and it's just trying to understand somebody's need, even if it goes
against your need sometimes. So hunger the world is complex. Our
relationships are complex. experience teaches us a lot. And
if we had hindsight Subhanallah that would have been no 2020
vision as they say, it would have saved us from a lot of a lot of
problems, a lot of mistakes. But that's why he's telling us all of
these things right now from a lot of experience, so that we can
insha Allah benefits. In another book of his call Anwarul could see
if you modify the Kawaii the Sufi says that O'Malley Lisa sera who
you've said will be heard and meridional McWhinney in Allah
Allah He to Allah oppo. I mean I usually know whom we bought the
embarked on.
A Bliss has no weapon by which he corrupts, and spoils the states of
people who are turning to Allah subhanaw taala, who was seriously
endeavoring to get closer to Allah subhanaw taala. He has no weapon
against these people that is more powerful than in gauging them in
these social problems with one another.
So you've got another co student, you've got another friend or
another associates. And that's it, you start arguing about something
who's closer to the sheikh, you know, things like this, who's
doing this or whatever the framing of the context is
shaytaan uses this, this is no better weapon for the shaytaan
than this. So the best way is that as soon as you hear something
coming, just repel it. I don't want to know.
Of course, there's certain things that you can't avoid, but this is
this is the way
okay, and I think the last point for today, I mean, hockey, hockey,
hockey, Enya, and ADA Lee, another right to one brother over the
other is that you need to defend his honor. Somebody else is
criticizing him. It's Titan. defend his honor. No, he's not
like that. I know him better than that. Be like Abu Bakr Siddiq are
the Allah one was to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, by
which he got his name. Yes, I know our friends on the Prophet
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. And we're not Siddiq. Right. But at
least we can try. You know, when they when the price was on when on
this ascension, and mentioned this great story about in one night
going from Makkah to Jerusalem and so on. And then somebody came to
Ober cross illegally. I'm saying, if somebody said this to you that
one night somebody could do this, would you believe it? So Uber,
consider Allah saved him. He said, Who is saying this? says your
friend, if he's saying I can definitely accept it, because I
know he gets news from even beyond that.
What is your jumpers who said that? You have to be careful about
these things. Somebody is going to come and ask you a weird question
like that. Why do you think they're doing so?
I mean, not that question. But something like that. Ask why are
you asking for if somebody comes in ask you an unusual question
they're trying to trap you possibly
have some sense
that shows America intelligence and his belief. So then he got the
name Siddiq, the one who fully confirms his friend, the real
friend the real associate, and that's why it works in gave all of
his wealth in the path of Allah for his messenger SallAllahu
Sallam and for Allah. That shows you Cindy here. I'm one of the on
gave half. That's what he's saying here. Oh, because he the guy was
even beyond that you gave everything
Allahu Akbar. So the Prophet sallallahu sallam said in the
Hadith, whoever defends his brothers honor. Allah will defend
Allah will keep the fire away from his face on the Day of Judgment.
Face means I mean everything isn't gonna let the rest of your body
burn if your faces
Subhanallah
Imam Shafi used to say min Allah Allah saw the key who was the key
the sign of the truthful person in his brotherhood towards his
brother is a younger brother a level where should the huddle way
of Feroz Zalando
right which means that he accept his defects. He tried to fill up
his broken points his points I mean, he you know, he tries to
fill that up, complimented and he forgives his slips. That's what it
should be.
Because nobody's perfect in this world, Allah subhanaw taala accept
from us, Allah subhanaw taala accept from us and make it very
easy for us to deal with these things. I mean, how can I clean up
the WHO couple walked in here couldn't walk to who either
aubertin filata photo whose sin sunnah Turati Bokoblin for either
going on a bit of a different direction here is saying that
another writer, one brother over the other is to wake him up before
the time. We came up before the time when you wake somebody up for
future right before the time of future so that he can be ready
when the time comes in. Now you see that he's probably Shafi
Shafi, so Shafi is used to pre fitted in the early time. So
that's under sound waking up before the time. For one of us we
pray late in the masjid anyway, so don't go wake him up for tahajjud
if you if he's gonna get angry with you, right? And this weekend
with Fajr. And if you've got so much friendship and mashallah
you're trying to get to dodge it as well then yes, we came up with
a budget as well. Right? That should be a concern, concern for
that religious welfare, spiritual welfare of your brother. So wake
him up before the time so that the time enters and he's ready, and
that he doesn't miss his son Narottama. Before the Ferriero of
Fajr for example, well attack we're actually haram and neither
the first initial technique
Subhanallah so be comfortably in the regard. Right? What Can daddy
come in hakea up the WHO visa
is also you should wake him up in the middle of the night is a chef
but to the Amerindian, Oh Allah, one of them in shaping Shabbat,
coffee, Emily dunya. If you're going to take him food to his
house and help him out in all of this, that's all dunya we
benefits, it is more beneficial to give him benefits of the akhira by
encouraging him to wake up in the middle of the night and to pray,
because that's going to benefit him more. So also think of that,
this martial law this book gives us so much food for thought. Now,
somebody asked me a question the other day, the more Hadith I
study, the less I think I can act upon all of them. When I knew just
two, three Hadees I would act upon them. Right, the more I study, you
know, like I'm reading more and more, I can't Well obviously, it's
difficult. If you could practice on every single Hadith that is out
there, you'd be a prophet
because that is a representation of what the privacy laws and was
but we try to do as much as possible. So have some targets you
know, I'll do this I'll do that and so all of this is there but at
least it gives us some understanding and inshallah we can
increase and improve ourselves. So he says to have shuffled and
compassion for your brother with regards to matters of the deen is
superior to having just compassion with regards to worldly things for
him were quote, but why am belly a corner Vertica be looked friend,
it is very necessary that you do this with a lot of wisdom and
subtlety. Don't just
go knock on his door in the middle of the night and wake everybody up
to some kind of subtlety.
In an officer Obama Taha Rocket Man, you probably be a little
nutty, because it is possible at some time knifes will kind of
escape and become a bit wild if you wake somebody up with
harshness, or with rudeness or boldness without using tact.
Allah subhanaw taala help us Allah help us Allah make us the best of
brothers to others. And Allah allow us to reform ourself.
Welcome to Darwin and in hamdulillah have been hard I mean.
The point of a lecture is to encourage people to act to get
further an inspiration and encouragement, persuasion. The
next step is to actually start learning seriously to read books
to take on a subject of Islam and to understand all the subjects of
Islam at least at the basic level, so that we can become more aware
of what our deen wants from us. And that's why we started Rayyan
courses so that you can actually take organize lectures on demand
whenever you have free time, especially for example, the
Islamic essentials course that we have on there, the Islamic
essentials certificate, which you take 20 Short modules and at the
end of that inshallah you will have gotten the basics of most of
the most important topics in Islam and you'll feel a lot more
confident. You don't have to leave lectures behind you can continue
to live, you know, to listen to lectures, but you need to have
this more sustained study as well as Accola. Harun Salam aleikum wa
rahmatullah wa barakato.