Abdur Rahman ibn Yusuf Mangera – How to Respect Parents Some Really Easy Steps
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Bismillah al Rahman al Rahim Al hamdu Lillahi wa Salatu was Salam
o Allah say you didn't move Selena while he was be over Arakawa
limiter Sleeman. Kathira and Eli Yomi been bad God Allah hooter
Baraka Allah Phil Quran Al Majid evil for carnal Hamid Arbella
dazzle me follow them when the Hyrule worthy theme. We'll call it
the either rugby Neva and allow the mini washed out sushi. But
while I'm a combi dua ecobee Sharqiya. After marriage, it's
quite a natural desire
to have children. In fact, this is one of the primary reasons that
people get married to one is to have a partner to share their
emotions with it's a very kind of natural relationship. And number
two is to procreate have children, leave somebody behind, have
additions to the family, and have people that can hopefully, look
after them have children that can hopefully look after them, when
they grow old and when they are in need. So the whole idea of this
parent children relationship, if you look at it from afar, without
being necessarily
an interested party, if you look at it neutrally, from the side,
from why Allah subhanaw taala would have created such a
situation such a biological reaction, and these emotional
associations that he creates in this how parents feel so much for
their children, and children should feel for their parents. So
now, when you look at it, you understand that there's this
specific system that Allah subhanaw taala has placed in this
world. And this specific system that Allah subhanaw taala has
placed in this world is to actually leave some stability is
to create some stability, it's to make some stability, and that is
that people are looked after people are taken care of, and they
take care of others, and then when they grow up and they're in need,
then people take care of them. And that's if that works very well.
And if everybody plays right in that system, then the system works
very well.
So as Allah subhanaw taala speaks about in the Quran, he mentions
the quotes from different prophets. One of them is robola
Dagny Furthermore, and the Hyrule word within Oh my Lord, do not
keep me alone. Do not keep me alone without without somebody.
But because you are the best of those who make people inherit.
You're the best of inheritors, you're the best of people who give
people inheritance and the Hyrule worthy thing. So essentially
saying that leave me Leave some mention of me behind. Let give me
children give me a good memory a good memory after a day. Another
one is Robina Hublin I mean as far as you know, whether react in
Kurata Aryan, which are unlearning with Athena EMA Oh my lord Robina
habla give me Robina habla OMA our LORD give us from our spouses and
our progeny. Which means until the Day of Judgment those that will be
a source of gladness for our eyes have been a hub learner mean as
Virgina with Rihanna, Kurata Aryan wager and Tokina Imam and make us
Imams of those people who have Taqwa and God fearing Enos. Allah
subhanaw taala getting quotes Zachary Alehissalaam, in old age
rugby in NIWA, Hannah love the movie, where star Allah Shaybah
What am a combi Dora ecobee Sharqiya Oh my lord, my bones,
they've become frail, my head, my hair is all great. It's all become
white. It's all great. And what am I a complete rubbish,
rubbish, IKEA. And I'm, I'm not, I'm not to be. He's essentially
praying to Allah subhanaw taala that don't, don't make me an
unfortunate one with regards to praying to you. So if I make a DUA
to you accept that dua, and don't make me of the deprived ones.
These are the doors of the Prophet so you can understand that this is
something that even those places people who are very close to Allah
subhanaw taala. Still they did, they wanted children. And this was
a very natural kind of thing and a praiseworthy thing to want and to
desire children.
Now, within children, when we do have children, then of course, the
tarbiyah has to be made, which means that we must nurture them,
and we must nurture them in a way that they will continue the cycle,
that they will become a good next generation, a praiseworthy next
generation. And the responsibility of the next generation is to do a
few things. One is to look after the previous generation and
prepare for the next generation. So just as our responsibility the
first generations responsibility, I mean, we're not first generation
but I mean is when our generation Our responsibility is both up and
down. Our responsibility is to look after our elders and to
nurture our young so that this cycle continues a good role model
is placed and thus it continues that way. Now when it comes to
serving and respecting parents
I mean, we can't speak about all of these different roles today.
But in speaking just about serving and respecting our parents, our
elders, that's what I want to quickly shed a bit of light on,
give a few practical tips to Inshallah, we can reflect over
this, we can reflect over this and hopefully make better have it in
any of the situations or cases where we may have some failings or
shortcomings or we haven't realized a lot of the time, these
benefits, these reminders are beneficial for us, because they
provide a reminder, they provide just a recollection of something
that we should be doing. And they just put things in perspective. So
may Allah subhanaw taala, give us the Tofik. So
the wonderful thing is this, that when you look at other nations,
other nations, generally based their whole concept of tarbiyah
and bringing up the next generation, and on serving the
old, they all based on trends, they base it on trial and error,
they try something, it becomes a fad, maybe some popular person,
some star, some, you know, recognized individual does
something and then everybody starts doing it. Like for example
right now, keeping a beard for men is a very trendy thing to do. So
you've got so many people, especially like in America and
other places that are keeping beards, not because of any
religious reason, it's just somebody did it. So now everybody
else is doing it. And then after that somebody will take it off,
and then everybody will take it off. So these are all trial and
error situations based on trends and fashions and what some people
do and what others don't. However, when it comes to when it comes to
Islam,
when it comes to Islam, it's a very clear cut issue. It's a very
clear cut issue to us and agree there are certain norms, certain
Maxim's certain principles that are taken, taken for granted that
these are and have to be fundamentally implemented to keep
a good relationship. So certain things are necessary. Allah
subhanaw taala speaks about them in the Quran, well, why do they
need
that be good with your parents treat them well have excellent
conduct with your parents. And while adequate Lahoma often do not
say even off to them, so there's certain ground rules that are
already set. And then there's other things that are supposed to
be based on, you know, the local understanding and the local
culture that are still conducive to the Islamic Islamic
understanding of these things. So for example, let's just go through
a few things. Number one,
the first thing is obviously, we have to serve our parents, we have
to serve our parents, as soon as they need serving. Now that could
be at any age, as long as we are old to old enough to serve them,
they serve us when we're young, when we become seven, eight years
old, and we, we obviously start doing things for them, I'll go and
bring this, your mom will say go and do this, go and do that, you
know, and this is when they start basic chores that they start
doing, it's all part of living in the same place that everybody's
responsibility is to take parts, you know, some people cannot just
sit around, do nothing. And let everybody else do the work.
Everybody has to do a bit, obviously different a different
people will be doing different works. Sometimes, you know, you
can't expect everybody to be doing the same kind of work. Because
there are certain things that some people may be better at other
people may be better at something else. But we all have to play our
part. If you don't like doing something in the house, for
example, in serving the house, then do something else to
compensate. But it needs to be done in a way that the person in
authority feels that you are doing your part. So you can't say well,
I don't like to put the dishes away, or I don't like to make the
tea, or I don't like to do this, well, that's fine. But do
something in place of that that compensates for that makes the
other people think that you're doing your part. What you may say
is that, I don't know that just depends. I mean, you'll have to
overcompensate. Because when people expect it, especially if
it's a job that not everybody likes to do, then in that case, if
nobody likes to do it, then everybody will probably have to do
it. Right, unless somebody just decides to do it. So there's these
things that we have to just be honest with ourselves fair with
ourselves and, and just try to take them into consideration.
Number two, especially when it comes to our parents don't forget
that they are getting old, day by day they are getting older, right.
And when people get older, they generally become a bit more set in
their ways. And not only that, they start and after a certain
threshold after they're kind of Middle Ages, and when they start
going into being more senior than in that case, they actually start
getting slightly weaker, their interest they get up and go kind
of attitude diminishes. They don't have the same kind of adventurous
streaking about them anymore, and have the same energy about them
anymore. They don't have the same desires as they maybe had before.
Now their desire may be focused on the hereafter, especially when it
comes to religious people. So keep that in mind.
Serving parents is such an important issue such an important
issue, that where it's a problem, and where it doesn't happen,
certain governments have even decided to pass laws about this.
So for example, when it comes to in the UK, China, it's it has a
apparently it has a lawyer had a law, I'm not sure of the exact
details about it right right now, but apparently at one time they
passed the law that they will find children who are, you know, who
it's proven that they don't serve their parents, so parents can
actually sue their children and take them to court, if they don't
serve them. Ukraine, apparently people can sue children sue their
children for not serving their parents in Ukraine. In Japan, some
of the most lucrative companies, those that make the most money
don't have the greatest turnover, extremely profitable venture
ventures are those that provide companions for for people, or for
old people, there's so many old people out there who have
absolutely no companionship, I just spoke to somebody the other
day, who's a convert. And she said, My daughter will be leaving
home, you know, at September because she goes to university.
And that's, you know, essentially the, the whole idea was that my
responsibility is now over. So in many cultures, what happens is
that when they go to university, that's when they leave home, then
they make their own, then they make their own path in life after
this, they don't necessarily come back home to live again, they go
to university, they expected to do well at university or whatever,
then to find a job, find their own place, rent their own place, etc.
And then to get married or whatever it is that you know, that
they do at that time. So their responsibility ends when it comes
to Muslims, you don't generally see that happening. Right? They
don't expect they don't tell the children, okay, now you go, you
finish, they will do their best to keep them together as much as
possible. Right. So what happens in many of these cases is that
parents are left alone, all their children have gone, right, the few
children that they have, they've gone, they've done their own
thing, they have their own families, maybe or even if they
don't have their own families, they're living alone, maybe in
another city, sometimes. And they have absolutely nobody, right,
they have no companionship whatsoever, they have to do their
own shopping. I mean, subhanAllah, even, you know, around my area,
when I'm on the main road, going to the masjid, there are these one
or two specific old women that you see, you know, sometimes even
stooped over, that are going and doing their own shopping, having
these, you know, these heavy bags that they're carrying, lugging
them around, there's nobody, there's nobody there to help them
give them that companionship, that children were supposed to do that
the children were supposed to that that's the whole idea of this. But
unfortunately, it doesn't. Because in anybody's life, you have
initial, the initial period of helplessness of need, which is the
infancy and when a person is a small child, they need a lot of
help. Then after that, as Allah subhanaw taala says, Some Murata
dinner who as far as our feeding, then we take them to the lowest of
the low, and that can be explained, also understood as
becoming weak again, that becomes they become weak again, and then
they need help again. So that whole phase needs to restart. And
the children need to need to look after their parents about that. So
when it comes to Islam, the children are supposed to take up
that role of companionship, of assistance, of help, and so on.
And of course, parents need to be such that they
help their children become like that. They help their children
become like that. I saw a, I saw, I listened to a talk some time
ago, where somebody mentioned that they saw a number of people
becoming
ill and sick with Alzheimer's or some other disease in their old
age. And they realize that when they became old, they started
acting, that their bad traits became magnified, their bad traits
became magnified. And that became kind of their default state. So
then what she decided to do is she decided to correct herself,
improve herself, and beautify her character now, because she felt
that she had a great chance, really a high chance of going down
the same path of gaining of also being afflicted with that same
disease, because so many of her, her forefathers and ancestors had
it. So then she was going to try to deal with the negative aspects
of that disease, which is where your bad traits become magnified.
And that's how you start acting throughout. So she started
inculcating in herself good traits, so that when she's
helpless, and when she can't help herself anymore, and she loses
herself, essentially, then her good traits will become magnified.
And that's a really beautiful planning and this is what we've
been told to improve our character our traits, and especially without
our children. So that's very important. It really helps to have
an older person who may need to be washed and moved
around and fed and so on, who are happy and jolly, they might, you
know, it's much better to do people like to come and sit with
them. If you've got somebody who doesn't like to talk to anybody
who just sits in broods over maybe just does their own tsp or doesn't
talk to anybody, then people will find it very difficult go and sit
them for with them for an hour, because you're not going to be
able to say anything, and do anything, you know, one is
different than the person was really jolly and everything, and
then they just lost everything, they can't speak anymore, they're
paralyzed or something like that, right. But then you remember the
good times with them. So give good times to your children, and to
people around you that when you are in need, they will remember
those good times, and they will bring back memories. So even when
they're sitting next to you, they'll bring back memories and
they like to sit next to you. It just makes a better experience.
May Allah subhanaw taala give us that Tofik and may Allah not make
us needy of anybody, that DA should be on our lips all the
time.
So in Sharia, it becomes the responsibility of the children to
look after their parents. That's where Allah subhanaw taala says,
What are the Kula whom are often don't even say off to them? Why
would that kind of expression have to be used here? The reason is
that when people get old, they start acting, you can say in
unpredictable ways, in an adult way, sometimes sometimes in
childish ways, even. And some or sometimes they just become a bit
irritating, because the maybe they're slower with the times they
you know, they've kind of retired from understanding the trends of
the time and children are still into the trends of the time. So
when parents don't understand and they don't do the cool things that
they think are cool, the children think are cool, then they become a
bit of an irritant, and so on and so forth. And sometimes it's just,
you know, children, young people, they just have this get up and go
kind of attitude, which is sometimes dangerous, which is
sometimes not healthy, which is sometimes just a bit overbearing
and overdone, but they don't understand that themselves. They
think what they're doing is is correct that this time for fun,
they say and when their parents don't do the same thing, then they
get a bit annoyed about this and irritated. But the Sharia says
this malata hula hula often work Wakulla, Huma Kolon Karima say
something noble to them, this is to take into consideration the
fact that this kind of challenge will present itself, this kind of
annoyance may creep up, this kind of irritability will be felt, but
your job is still to try to curb that control that and don't say
anything bad, say something noble, because they are in a state where
they may be helpless. Or maybe you're overreacting, or whatever
the case may be at the end of the day, it's our responsibility to
have mercy on them. That's why the Prophet sallallahu sallam said,
especially when it comes to the, with the mother agenda to data,
academic Almohads, that paradise lies under the feet of the mothers
that she's standing on it. And the only way you can't push her off,
because there's no way she'll fall down on it, it's just going to be
worse. The only way is to is that she be so happy that she actually
moves off and let you enter. And for that you have we have to act
on the Quranic dictates. That's why in the Sharia we have that if
you look at your parents with love, if you look at your parents
with love, you get the reward of an accepted Hajj or Umrah, right.
So if that's just about looking at them, and you get that reward,
then can you imagine what the reward and how much Allah likes
the fact that you could serve them, because looking at them is
just part of the service. It's the first part of the service. If you
look at your parents with love, you'd expect to serve them then.
So Allah subhanaw taala is giving that much reward to somebody who
looks at their parents with love and affection. Oh, this is the
person who brought me up, who brought me into this world who
looked after me, etc, who's responsible for me? And then can
you imagine if you serve them what kind of rewards that Allah
Subhanallah doesn't even speak about, because he just mentioned
the beginning reward. And we know about Allah subhanho wa taala,
that here, when he comes to giving rewards, he gives huge amounts of
reward. So if he's promising such a great amount of reward, just
that looking, then you can imagine what serving should bring a
person. That's why Abu Huraira the Allahu Anhu.
He used to be out and about, but he used to have a mother in his
when he's very known about his mother and the dollars he made for
his mother and so on and so forth. And one of the things he was such
an obedient child, this is we can learn from these things. He used
to always tell his mother if he was leaving, and he would mix
along with her and he would say something nice to her. And then
when he would come back, he would gone see her again, in those
houses in those days. You didn't have you know, big estates of
houses with five rooms of six rooms, mostly one or two rooms,
maybe. Right? You know, that's how much you had, you'd expect that
you know, from understanding how Rasulullah sallallahu some level
led his life, Abu Huraira the Allah he would he would go in and
he would go and make it a point. You know, one is you going your
parents are there anyway so you just go and do your own stuff they
know they've you think they've seen you're here, but it's
actually a HELOC. Its character This is pathetic character is the
character of the companions to actually acknowledge them.
Say something to them. Sometimes our children, they'll go to school
come back from school, they'll leave without saying anything. Or
they'll come and go directly into the room and just, you know, go
you know, go and do their own stuff or whatever the case is. Now
when you come into the house, anybody who comes and say salaam
that's that's an Islamic kind of thing anyway for anybody, even if
there's nobody in the house, you still say salam, you familiarize
yourself with the situation you say, a Salam or I know what Ebola
is Saudi hin because there are people who there are beings of
Allah subhanaw taala that could be there that we don't even see. So
if Allah is telling us to even make salaam it says that in the
Quran facility mu it says make Salam in the Quran it says that
when you enter then say Salaam. So way the whole number youth and
facility MOU, it mentions even in the Quran that you should make
Salam so it's a Quranic advice there to make Salam, even if
there's nobody there. So if there's somebody there, then
acknowledge them say, how are you Alhamdulillah, you know, say
something or the other. And that's very important. That's why Abu Abu
Huraira they used to do this. Now look at him, Abu Hanifa, his he
had a IgM situation, he was the Imam of the times, the Imam of the
city, for sure. The greatest of the aroma there people used to
look up to him, Well, you know, had great respect and acknowledges
people acknowledges his knowledge. However, when it came to his
mother, and she had an issue.
For some reason, she had her faith in somebody else, in the sense
that she would like to consult this other scholar who would
benefit himself from Mr. Abu Hanifa, his works, and he lived a
bit of a distance away. So whenever she had an issue, he
would say to him, Abu Hanifa, come and take me to so and so I've got
some mosyle to ask. Now, can you imagine our frustration at
something like this? I've got everything for you, you know, why
do you need to go somewhere else, and then I need to take you there,
you know what humility that would have to a person would have to
have to do that. But out of love for his mother, out of love for
his mother Subhanallah, he would take her there, he wouldn't say
anything, you would take her there. He would say to the shaker
there, you know who was kind of like a student in a sense, maybe
not a former student, but definitely have a lower status. My
mother wants to ask you questions. Can you please answer the
question? And she would say, he would say to him that, you know,
you know, you have the older answer is no, I want you to make
her happy. She expects that this from you. She has trust in you. I
want you to respond to that. So he would respond to it. And sometimes
if he didn't know what the answer was, he would ask him Abu Hanifa
Imam Abu Hanifa would tell him, and then after that he would
respond to his mother. But this was just done now for a lot of us
who just think in a kind of overly rational fashion here. And we
think well, what's the point of all of that? Well, the point of
all of that is that you are bringing happiness to somebody and
you're bringing happiness to your mother, to your parents. That
makes a massive difference, because you get your reward from
Allah subhanaw taala. That's a big thing. That's a really big thing.
If we can start understanding things in that way, life becomes
much more prosperous and fruitful for us, especially in terms of the
Hereafter have Sabine been to sit in. She's the sister of Muhammad
Musa and the great Hadith scholar dream interpreter. She says about
her brother, that her brother based on this verse, whether taco
Lahoma or fewer Latin Houma, Wakulla, Houma, colon Kadima and
walk through the Lahoma Jana has elimina Rama were corrupt Durham,
Houma, Kamara, Bernie Sameera, and all the other directions in the
Quran. He would speak so lowly in front of his parents that he did
not want to even risk raising his voice over that of his parents. So
he would speak so lowly, sometimes he would have to be told to repeat
what he said. But that was his way of showing up. So never loudly
Never brashley Never in this kind of never in this kind of bold and
disrespectful way, he would only speak in this very low tone. A
smarter the Allahu anha, the sister of Aisha the Allahu anha.
Her mother, Hamad Al Bukhari, the Allahu anhu, whose original wife,
he she didn't, she wasn't a Muslim. She wasn't a believer
then. And when she came to visit some of the Allahu anha asked
Rasulullah Salallahu Alaihe Salam, if she should still, you know,
serve her honor her respecter. And he told me, yes, you must do.
Because above everything, she's still your mother. That's this
biological connection that you have, which is so essential and so
natural, and before anything else, for that matter. That's why you
must do this. So what can we do to our parents? What can we do for
our parents? Well, one is that one is when we're at an age when they
are still independent and healthy and strong, then we help them
around as they want our help. Sometimes it's very difficult, I
know but we just tried to help them out as much as possible.
However, the biggest
these are a few things that we can do. I'll go into
get more detail. But one of the few things that you can do is if
children recount positive times from their upbringing from when
they were young, that makes the children very, very happy. You
know, when they recall what their parents have done for them good
times that they've had together, those are the kinds of
conversations that you could bring up. Because sometimes some people
don't know what to speak about with their parents, if they can
bring up these kinds of conversations, then it makes them
feel very good. It makes them feel very good.
Number two, the hugs and kisses are very, very beneficial. A
kissing the hand of the Father is an extremely, extremely respectful
thing, right, and giving them a hug and a kiss makes there's a
special benefit in humans coming together, it shows a great sense
of affection, and it can do so much more than maybe what some
words can do sometimes, because it takes a lot more to do something
than to physic than to verbally say something. So if a person had
some you can say, feeling of distance, then and they're finding
it difficult to apologize or say something nice, then by them going
and giving a hug, that will compensate, hopefully, for not
having said anything, because it takes much more to go and give a
hug to somebody. So that is really, really powerful. There's
five languages of love for parents, I'll just quickly go
through them, we don't have much time. But five languages of love
for parents, they work very well. Number one, words of affection. I
love you. Right, I love you that words of affection, you can say
that to your parents, right? It doesn't just have the sexual kind
of love or you know, connotation. That is that it's become popular
for number two, don't keep a negative negative attitude,
attitude, attitude with them.
That gives more hurt sometimes always be affectionate, somehow
always be affectionate, always be seen as affectionate. Even if they
say something bad to you may get really irritated, then, after five
minutes or whatever, just go and say something nice to them, or
just go and speak to them. And that will at least show that you
have not taken it to heart, when is sometimes just showing that you
haven't taken something to heart is really beneficial. Number
three, keep eye contact, don't speak to them looking somewhere
else, keeping eye contact with them. And I would say you know,
just to get a better deal out of this. To look at them at that time
when you're speaking you have to look at them, you should look at
them anyway. Right as it says keep eye contact. But looking at them
with affection at that time in your whole conversation. You get
all those rewards for accepted Oberon * anyway, right. So you
get both of those things that will be beneficial. Don't speak to them
as though you're speaking to a child. A lot of the time, this is
what happens. People reduce themselves to such a level that
they start speaking to their parents as though they're the
worst of the people in the world that they speak with. They speak
to others with respect when it comes to their parents. For some
reason, there's just been such a breakdown that actually start
speaking back to them. It's like they are competition now. And they
are opponents enemies. In some cases, that's very dangerous. Once
for example, there was a guy sitting around with a bunch of
young people. I mean, I'm not talking about teenagers, I'm
talking about adults, and his old father was there and his father
suddenly saying something And subhanAllah He said, Let let let
the let the human speak you don't speak as though saying he's not
even human.
Right? Because he's just so annoyed by his father for whatever
reason. You know, sometimes there are grounds for annoyance because
they do extreme sometimes. But we're still not allowed to reach
this because that's where Allah says Don't even say off. And do
not censor them in any way like this. Because that's inevitable.
And you have a responsibility here. They are responsible for
bringing you into this world. And unpremeditated bringing you up.
Number Number four actions speak louder than words. So give a hug,
etc. Right? Don't show bad action, don't turn away, don't ignore
them, don't put the phone down on them, etcetera, etcetera. You
know, sometimes I, my dad may say something to me, that is very hard
for me to stomach. And especially if you're a person who's
competitive, who's argumentative, who likes to argue and respond and
retort and wants to show what the right is all the time becomes very
difficult. So what I've learned the best thing to do is just be
silent. Putting the phone down is highly disrespectful, being silent
and not just saying anything, then it gives them the impression okay,
that you know, he's still listening. Okay, you know, he
understands that people get angry. So I found that I just stay silent
for a while, then I think he understands and he comes down,
right? So if I put the phone down, that is highly disrespectful,
Allah protect me from that, right saying something bad. That's also
really disrespectful. And I know that he's just a bit you know,
he's just emotional right now. And he just saying whatever, I know,
he's going to calm down afterwards. It's going to be fine
afterwards. When you've had that experience, you know, you're gonna
it's gonna be fine afterwards. Like, this is not like the end of
the world or something. So I just stay silent for a while.
And Hamdulillah I learned that because
As I used to, it used to really bother me a lot that I retired, I
may have retorted, somebody has said something or whatever,
because that's sinful.
So how do you deal with that situation?
Because actions speak louder than words. Number five, laziness will
be taken as a lack of love by them. And not just as laziness.
What that means is that if you don't do something that they
expect you to do, you're just doing it because of lazy, it's not
like you hate them or anything like that. It is your lazy, right
bit careless attitude, they will take, they will take that as a
lack of love, not as laziness, we need to know that. So we need to
try to compensate for the idea. So don't be lazy with your parents,
especially. Because you just want to sleep around, they think, Oh,
he doesn't like me anymore, especially when they get older.
Right? Younger parents can understand that lazy, but older
parents, they get sensitive. It's like children, children, if their
parents say something strange to them, they actually take it as I
don't love you, my parents don't love me anymore. And it's not that
that's not the case. But they take it like that an older folk, they
also do the same thing. Not middle aged parents, but older parents.
Don't be rough with them. This is especially speaking about old old
parents, right? Don't be rough. Do you know when you have to move
them around or help them from one place to the other, take them
toilet or give them food or whatever, some people are very
rough, I've seen some cases where he's gonna stick a spoon in their
mouth. Right and do some weird things like this and just kind of
plopped down a tree in front of Have some respect, you will be,
believe me, you will, you will get respect for it afterwards, you
will get respect. And you will get huge amounts of reward, one of the
greatest things you can do is to serve your parents.
greatest things you can do serve your parents. So don't be rough
with them, especially if you have to help them do something and
keep good contact with them. If you're not living with them, you
know, one is that sometimes one child might be living with them
another one living elsewhere. Keep good contact with them. If you
can't go and visit, you know, every few days, then give them a
phone call at least. But keep some kind of contact with them. Believe
me, if I don't see my father in a week, I feel really, really bad
sometimes get really busy, and I just can't go right, then I just
feel every day I feel like I should be going, I should be going
I should, then I get some excuse to call him up and say like, you
know, whatever.
So
just, just two to three days ago, I hadn't met my father for quite a
few days, because he'd gone out of the country came back, and I was
very busy with something. And then I was like, When am I gonna go I'm
only gonna be able to go in the weekend properly. So then I was
gonna go to a meeting for Allama. And I said, you know, let me take
him. So I called him I said, Do you want to come to this meeting?
So then we had some time in the car. Mashallah 1000, about 1000
people, old people were interviewed.
And they were asked what they would like most from their
children,
old people, right, who are at that kind of retired age. What would
they like to see from their children? 1000 people were
interviewed about this. And among all the things that they said one
of the most common things, the most prominent things that they
said was patients. We'd like to see patients from them.
Because one is you can't serve them. But if your patients with
them, and they know that they're getting, they could get a bit
irritating with annoying, you know, but then they know that if
somebody is patient that goes a long way. Right? Sometimes parents
know that they can be irritating, but they can't help it. Just the
situation is such that's the nature of the world to be honest.
So patience, patience, sober and is huge amounts of reward for
sober, huge amounts of reward for sober.
In fact, not sure how Sahai this is, but there's a narration which
states Oh Musa whoever is disobedient to me but obedient to
parents, I'll still write him to be obedient.
In general, opinion, so Allah subhanaw taala is a must. But this
is just to underscore the importance of obedience to
parents, because when people are obedient to their parents, that is
the fundamental nucleus of the family. And if that goes right, to
extended families Inshallah, right, if a person is broken at
home, what can you do outside
because they might feel good that they have good friends, but the
inside from a natural perspective, their heart will be restless, will
be discontent, because it is too hard to be good with your own
family and have good blood ties, which you have you share the same
blood, right, same ancestry. If that is not right, people are
never going to be satisfied, never going to be satisfied. I don't
care how bad your father or mother is. I've seen so many people whose
fathers have neglected them, but they still want to, they're still
looking for a time to have good relationships with them. If only
it would be but it's not. It is such a natural human
Feeling
May Allah give us that strength. There'll be the one category of
people that Allah subhanaw taala will not look at on the Day of
Judgment with any kind of merciful gaze
on the day of judgment or people who have been disobedient to their
parents, that is, how big this responsibility is and how critical
it is, and how dangerous it's not to be obedient. Disobedience to
parents is one of those sins among a few that is also punishable in
this world.
So a lot of other sins, you can get away with it all your life,
and you'll get the punishment in the hereafter if Allah wills, but
disobedience to parents is one of those sins, which is known that
it's also punishable in this world. So it will happen to the
person themselves.
Now we're really setting up ourselves were disobedient, we're
setting up ourselves for disobedience as well. Eight things
not to do with parents, I'm just going to quickly list them
inshallah they'll help us. One is, do not ever say to old parents,
how can you not remember that?
Subhanallah that is, that's a massive insult. How can you not
remember that they you know, they forget, they said they get to that
level afterwards, seniority, becoming senile, etc. Number two,
you're telling them to do something, right?
Now, you might be able to say this to young child, but to say to
elders,
you can do it if you try. You know, we say that to our children,
you can do that. If you try try you don't try hard enough. Don't
say that to parents has to be a different approach. Though they
become childlike, you can't treat them like children. There's still
honor about them. They've had a past with you. One very big che,
when he became old, he said that old age is such as those
experienced in old days, and he was expressing his his old age is
such that you can't even tell anymore where the pain is anymore.
Like we have so much pain, sometimes in different parts of
the body deteriorates to such a degree that you no longer even
know where it's painful. That's how bad it is, or how they can't
even express any more where their pain is. That's who you're dealing
with. And number three, don't say to them I showed you before. I've
shown you this so many times. You know, this is kind of stuff that
people may say to their children, they generally don't because
there's a level of mercy that they show with their children or
patients. They don't have the same patience with their parents,
though. Because they expect that they should know better. That's
why because for them, they're reflecting over past days, but no
reflect on how they are right now. Do not say that. You can't say
that to them. They're not children. Just show them again.
Number four,
your in told me that sometimes some other parents tell you the
same thing again and again.
They ask you the same question again again, and again. I'm sure
he's asked me before, three times he's asked me before.
No.
Just Just tell them again.
You get reward for it. Think about that. You just get reward for it.
It sounds irritating, but you get rewarded for it. Number five,
don't say don't ever talk about I want your property after this. So
die quickly. I mean, nobody says that clearly. Some people might
but they insinuate that idea. Don't ever give them that
expression. They will die a miserable death and you will be
responsible for that and you will have no baraka and what they leave
behind. So what's the point?
Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar. Sometimes they become so old that
they take the wrong name of the child that they have.
What is it, they have various illnesses at that time? And they
might call you something else. Right? To grandparents,
grandchildren, or even sometimes their own children. They might
call you a use of your you know, an Suliman by Avila, you know, and
it's somebody else. Can you imagine, right? Don't get angry
about that. It's just the obvious you're not doing that on purpose.
They're obviously not doing that on purpose.
And
don't blame them for things that they do because of old age.
And likewise, don't bring up the past. It's gone and done. Don't
bring up Don't, don't on Earth, old demons. It's not worth it.
If you get to spend time with your parents, and to assist them,
especially when they're more in need, the more they are in need,
the more time you can spend and that's an absolute honor. And
remember, just spending money on them and taking care of the
expenses is not enough.
Right? Money doesn't make anybody happy.
That's not what makes them happy.
Don't spend money on them. Express your love as well. And that's very
important, expressing your love. So above all, I think the main
thing is to kind of try to understand people in their states.
May Allah subhanaw taala give us the Tofik to have to be wonderful
children to their parents. And as parents we must be an artist that
it's all
There is a dual responsibility. One is we have to look towards our
elders and look after them. And number two is look towards our
youngest and make tarbiyah and treat them with mercy. And I think
this dua Robina Hublin, I mean, as far as you know how to react in a
Kurata Aryan, what you're talking about a mama is a very powerful
dua, which was inshallah ensure that you have gladness for as long
as you live. And among your children's on the Day of Judgment
when you see your progeny and great great great grandchildren
that you never saw anywhere in the world. Hopefully, that will they
will make you satisfied and they have judgment, because you made
this dua because it says, Oh Allah grant us from our, from our wives,
spouses, so wives can make this for the husband as well. Spouses
as much and progeny, not just immediate children but progeny
until the Day of Judgment, those that gladden our eyes. So on the
Day of Judgment, you'll see your entire project until the day of
judgment, and inshallah we'll be a source of gladdening for our eyes,
working with that one and Al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil Alameen