Abdur Rahman ibn Yusuf Mangera – How to Deal a Flirting Husband
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Bismillah
Bismillah R Rahman r Rahim Alhamdulillah
Alhamdulillah Hamden cathedral even Mubarak and fie Mubarak and
Allah, He can mail your bottle buena de la jolla who are Manawatu
wa salatu salam ala so you didn't have even most of us Allah Allahu
Taala Allah you are. He also we have our Casa limiter Sleeman
Kathira en el Iommi, DEEN unburied.
Allah subhana wa Taala says in the Quran, as discussed yesterday in
the pre Jamal ban as well that led Takara was Zina in the hookah
Heisha. Don't go close to Zina don't become close to Zina don't
approach as in don't do any preliminaries of Zina or
fornication or unlawful *, because that the
detriment of that is extreme. So Allah subhanaw taala says, don't
even get close to it.
Now in that regard, we want to discuss a number of things.
There's some extremes in this regard that we shouldn't even
which we need to discuss, there's some approaches that we need to
discuss as well, as discussed yesterday,
it's a flirting around and taking these opportunities and these
chances they need to be avoided.
One, one thing, I'm going to try to mention a few things that were
not mentioned yesterday, and for those who didn't listen to the
yesterday's burn, you'll eventually it'll be on
the masjid website, or some some Academy website, it'll be it'll be
on there. So you can listen to that part as well. But there's a
number of issues. One is that some people may say that flirting and
not remember, this happens with women as well, women who are at
work, and some women who are not at work. And we've had a number of
cases where these husbands are complaining of their wives talking
to their cousins, their cousins, or a previous boyfriend, or a
previous or somebody they know from one of their neighbors or
something like that. They're discussing these things. They talk
to them. And there's even cases where it's kind of gone beyond
that as well. So
it doesn't just happen with men. Yes, generally men have more of
these problems. And women, we get more complaints from women about
this, but you do have it the other way around as well. It's really
sad. It's really it's really sad when you hear about these things.
Either way, it's just really sad when either of them do it, because
the heartache that it creates the mistrust, the sense of deception.
And when husbands and wives lose trust for each other. And when you
see Zina is one of those things, that it leads to deception,
because Zina is something that is considered to be a born an
abomination, and a really evil and despicable act, especially in our
communities in the Muslim community. So when somebody does
it, they're generally going to hide it, especially if they're
married, they're going to try to hide it as much as possible. And
in order to hide something, you have to lie. And once you start
lying, then you lie. You know, one lie leads to the next one lie
brings about 10 lies. So a person is then committing so many
different sins, just because of this is committing so many sins
and what the other thing you have to remember is that sometimes
there's no Zina involved, like there's no proper Zina involved,
the person has no might not know didn't, you know, absolutely no
intention, whether it's the woman or the Man, to actually go the
full way and actually commit Zina, and 40 kids, but what they do have
in mind is they just want that feeling of attention. They just
want that attention. So that's what that's why they're engaging
in people. So the reason why they're doing this is just to feel
liked to feel sought after, right, even though they're not married.
And they should be focused on that. But they just feel like
that. They just want to, you know, have some more romance in their
life, or they just want to feel that feel of euphoria, or that
feeling in their stomach or whatever you want to call it. That
that's that's the problem. That's where people you know, are trying
to go they're trying to get that so they have absolutely no
intention. Now we're never going to commit Zina that something
haram we're never going to do that. But then they treat this as
something minor. And then when that happens, the problem is that
these things can escalate. For many people, it can escalate. So
then, even if they're doing just the floatation, they're going to
try to keep that concealed because they don't, they don't want
anybody else to see it. And that's why the Prophet sallallahu alayhi
wa sallam said that a sin is that which is going to cause turbulence
in your heart, what character in your body early in us, and you,
you you dislike the fact that somebody is going to find out
about it. So you're going to try to keep it concealed as much as
possible. Now, these are challenges. And the greater
challenge here I think, are with the women that are working because
I'm speaking to women only here that's why I'm focused on you
know, on the women aspect of it. So just as men have that challenge
at work that
Women are going to have this challenge at work. Sometimes it's
not you that are interested in anybody, but then somebody is
going to hit on you. Now, how do you react to that? That that's
that's the difficulty. For example, let's just say that
there's somebody who's just lost something in the sense that
they're grieved, and they're crying, right, they're in a
vulnerable situation. Generally, human beings, the way we react to
people is that you know, we have some compassion, you have some
mercy, then you'll say, some nice words to them, then they'll start
opening up telling you their story, you'll get emotionally
attached with them, you start feeling sorry for them. And then
after that, the shapefile is there, and then it becomes sexual
eventually. So that's the difficulty that that you have to
be dealing with. So I'm just trying to raise these issues so
that you can realize that this is, this is the wrong way to do this,
this is the complete wrong way to do this.
Having said that, and talking about the despicable ality of this
act, and so on, it needs to be absolutely avoided. On the other
hand, what I want to mention is something very important as well,
we've got some other extremes in our community, we've got some
people who actually think that it's completely haram to even
speak to the opposite gender for for a need as well. So but but
many of us are very hypocritical about that, where you don't want
to speak to somebody, but when it comes to speaking to non Muslims,
you do, right you know, for a particular need. Now, obviously,
the Sharia has not prohibited that a man that a man speak to a, you
know, to a marriageable woman or a woman speak to a, you know, a non
Muslim man, that's not prohibited. It's guided, it's qualified, it's
specifically restricted to cases of need. And even in that need, it
needs to be done with a particular other, it needs to be done with
pure intention, it needs to be done for the sake of need, and it
also needs to be done.
With a pure intention, keeping the heart pure, because you need a
need fulfill. You can't always wait for your husband to talk to
them. Right? If you have to talk to somebody, then do it in a
professional, decent adult manner, according to the Sunnah as Allah
subhanaw taala says in the Quran, don't soften your voices, try to
speak in a kind of a formal tone, don't speak in a way that is going
to attract their undue attention, you know, and some women might
say, Well, I'm just speaking my normal voice, yes, you are
speaking your normal voice. But if your normal voice is very soft and
alluring, some you know some people just have that kind of a
voice, whether it's men or women, that voice is very attractive.
Some people's eyes are very attractive, some people's face
their features, they're, they're very handsome, they're very
attractive, right? And they can penetrate, you know, into people's
attentions then other people can, there's some people in just the
attitude, they like that Allah subhanaw taala has made everybody
very differently. So some people's voices are like that, right? Some
people's choice of words are like that. Some people's expressions
are like that, their feelings, their emotions, etc. So everybody
has their own challenge. But the Sharia has made it very simple.
That look, this has tried to keep it formal, try to keep it like in
its very formal kind of tone, so that there's no sense of alert,
alerting in there. Like I showed the exchange yesterday, where
you're not seeing things beyond sometimes you might receive an
email from someone that seems to be all gushy, and you know, all
soppy, etc, etc.
You don't I mean, shaytan is then going to make you think at that
point, that look, there's an opening here, you should, you
know, you can, you can make your advanced as well. But that's when
you have to cut it off and restrict it. That's, that's the
important thing. That's why one of our shakes, he said, that Gabby
Brahmanical the Allahu anhu, who was the great Sahaba in Tamil
Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, but during the expedition
of the book, he he was his crops had become ready to, to cut and to
take care of. So he thought, I'll just finish it off, and then I'll
catch them up. Because the prophets of Allah, Islam and
everybody, they were preparing to leave, then they left and cabra
the alarm said that we I still stayed behind. And I thought I'll
catch them up, I'll catch them I will catch them up. Then
eventually, there was no battle and the prophets of Allah some
decided to come back. And he decided to ask where Kabra the
Allahu Anhu was, and essentially cabra the Allah and found out that
he had missed it. Right? He had missed the he'd missed that
expedition. He felt really, really bad. So there were only three true
Sahaba and companions that had actually missed the battle. When
the prophets of Allah Islam came back gobbler, the Allahu Allah was
thinking of all of these various excuses that are going to give him
this excuse. I'll say this. This is why I couldn't come find
Easter. I'm just going to go and tell him the truth. So he went, he
told him the truth. The other two did the same thing. And the
Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam told everybody that nobody
should speak to them for the next so many days, 50 days nobody
should speak to them. The munaf 18 The hypocrites who had also missed
they came and gave excuses the Prophet sallallahu Sallam accepted
the excuses on their face value and let them go. But not for these
three true Muslims. He wanted to he wanted
too,
that their, that their penalty for doing this happen in this world,
right? So Kabra, the Allahu Anhu says that that the world became
restricted despite its vastness, nobody would speak to me even my
own cousin, he didn't want to speak to me. And the only person
that was allowed was was my wife. And even even that, we were told
to, to stay separately. After a number of days were told to stay
separately, even in my wife and the world become became a very
difficult way to place to live in.
And then he says, in the midst of that, I was in the bazaar, I was
in I was outside and somebody came in, press the letter into my hand,
I opened it up, and it was actually from one of the non
Muslim rulers
around us, right. And essentially, it said in there, that Oh, god,
you're such a man who should not be dishonored. In this way. We've
heard that your your leader has Dishonored you in this way, or has
you know, undignified, you know, caused you this kind of problem.
You should come and join with us. Now. That's a major fitna. Right.
Now, how is this related to what we're speaking about? The way it's
related? Is that what did cover the Allahu Anhu do? This was a
fitna for him in the sense that you've got your own leader who
sent you to Coventry as they say, right, which means, you know,
they've sent you know, forsaken you, nobody's speaking to you,
you're like a prisoner without being in prison, you've got this
other leader of the world, a ruler, who's, you know, coming and
saying, Come and join with us. And we'll give you the, you know, as
much as you want to major fifth Nate's a major problem, right?
It's an attraction. But he said, This is what I did, I went and I
threw the letter immediately into the, into the fire into the note.
So that's what's happening here, if anybody's hitting on, you're
attacking you, basically trying to alert you into something and
seduce you, or, you know, whatever the advance is, whether it's a
light on, don't entertain it, cut it off, right from the beginning,
if it's just initial phase, and you think it's that, but it's not
really, you know, you don't know if it's that or not just cut it
off straightaway, right? And just say, really, um, you know, just
reply in such a way that it just pushes them off. And the end of
the day, you've even got Nickleby women, that's all they showed the
eyes. And these people who've had, you know, who've made advances
towards them as well, you know, because you've got people who do
these kinds of things, right. So at the end of the day, just
because you wear a niqab yes, you're going to be more protected.
But that's not necessarily always going to be the 100% safe approach
is safe approach is your attitude, that's what's most important. So
you just cut things off from the beginning, if you see something is
getting on, you know, something's getting beyond control, that just
correlation like gabbro, the Allahu Anhu went through, went
through this letter into, that's what you do change your number, if
you have to change your number, change your number, change your
email, take a drastic move, just say hello, that's it, you know,
don't have these emotional attachments. There's a there's a
person who said, you know, they had a, they had a boyfriend, and
so on and so forth. And they couldn't get married or whatever.
And he wants to go and date somebody, he wants to, you know,
he wants to, he's now seeing this other woman to try to marry her,
whatever. And she's saying, I'm trying to help him not do that.
But clearly, the reason she's trying to do that is obviously to
because she still feels some attachment. So you have to be
honest with yourself, the thing about here is you have to realize
that it's going to be a massive problem afterwards. And it's a
sin, it's a problem. It's extremely detrimental. And the
shaytan is extremely clever. So you just want to avoid that. Now,
having said all of that, it's permissible for people, you know,
for, you know, for men to speak to women or women to speak to men,
right, whether you wear a niqab or not, that doesn't matter. As long
as you keep it formal and important, and official and
professional. That's what matters. Are we really need to we've had
cases where a woman she's got massive problems, but she's
unwilling to go and speak to somebody because it because she
feels that it's not right for her to speak to a man to get help,
right in, you know, in a particular situation, or to get
her work done, or something like that, or to ask a question. For
example, women used to come to the Prophet sallallahu Sallam to ask
questions. And after that to the Sahaba it was the same thing there
are in Bukhari and Muslim number of a hadith like that, where a
woman came to ask a question, there's even that in, it happened
all over, for example, Sheikh Abu later summer Pundi, who have done
my PhD on Islam, Kitab Nawaz IL, so he himself explains, and he's
in bulk, which is of Han Islam, which is extremely conservative
place, right? And he says that a woman came in I was with my
students or whatever a woman came and she asked this question about
another woman's pregnancy and, and her, you know, her knee Fosse, her
postnatal bleeding, etc. And this is the response I gave, and and so
on and so forth. So these kinds of things had to happen. You have a
question? You have to go and ask them, right? That's, that's the
way these things we have to realize, but it's with
professionalism. The problem we have is
we just don't know how to interact and
Some people, they just go extreme with that. May Allah subhanaw
taala preserve that. Another point that I want to make is that if
your husband is doing something like that, what do you do? Now
that's a tough one. Because for many women, it Lee, it takes them
eventually, it makes them paranoid. It makes him so paranoid
that the stories that we've heard, you've got women who as soon as
the husband will go out of the house, they will actually look out
the window to see who's if he's going with somebody who's getting
into somebody else's car, or somebody's getting into his car,
she'll wait, when he's coming back from work to see how he's coming
back with a seeing anybody or not, she'll go through his phone, she
will wake up in the middle of the night to check his email so that
he doesn't find out. And it's paranoia, she will even feel that
it's something she shouldn't be doing, she will recognize that she
will know that, that she shouldn't be doing this, it's killing her,
it's messing her up. But she will still do that. Right? It's just
absolute paranoid, and you need to, you need to just be upfront
with your husband in a nice way to deal with the issue. Right?
Otherwise, there's no other other ways you need to get some kind of
counseling, because that is just like this way of self destruction,
especially the longer it becomes, it becomes really bad to get this
kind of paranoia. Obviously, the husband should not do anything
like that to create that kind of feeling. But sometimes the women
take this out of context. For example, this one woman, she
contacted us, she said, I saw my husband, looking at the images on
the Daily Mail. Right now on the Daily Mail website. Apparently,
they have a lot of celebrity images. And obviously celebrities
aren't dressed very well. So he said, I saw them looking at her.
And she's asking that, what should I do about this? You know, she
just felt so affronted right now, essentially, I couldn't tell her
that, you know, you're lucky that that's all he's looking at.
Because a lot of men, they're looking at much worse beyond that.
Right? But you can't say that to somebody like that. But at the end
of the day, the front that a woman feels is this, she feels that, why
is it and then she had just come out of pregnancy, she just had a
child. So she's saying that I'm not beautiful anymore. I'm not
attractive anymore. This is what shaytaan makes women feel a lot of
the time when their husbands have mis looked at something which they
shouldn't be It's haram for them to do that. Right. So I'm not
justifying why they do that. I'm not justifying, they're doing that
that's haram to do. But all I want to mention on the women's side is
that don't go extreme, and start thinking that, Oh, it's because
you've just you don't look good anymore, or you're not attractive
anymore. Because then that if that's how you feel, then that is
exactly how you will be. Because when you feel unattractive, you're
not going to feel like doing anything, right? You're just going
to be crying about and you have no way it's going to lead to
depression. So what you want to do is, instead of that you want to
stand up for yourself. And firstly, you want to see whether
that is the case or not, number one. Number two, Don't be paranoid
about it. Never feel and you have to realize I'm telling you from a
man's perspective, right? As much as you may say no, or whatever the
cases, you should actually I think we spoke about this sometime
before. And the the video of this is on some some Academy, it's
called What do women get in paradise that actually discusses
this whole cycle psychology of men and women and how they differ. You
know, for men, they could have the most wonderful wife, but just the
feeling the psychology of a man is that they would want more they
would want variety. And I mean, I'm just being blunt and very
clear here. What it is, is Allah subhanaw taala knows and
recognizes completely that a woman is going to be jealous of her
husband having somebody else, right, because that's even proven
through the fact that actually the Allahu Ana had these rivalries,
Ayesha Hafsa and the other waves of Rasulullah sallallahu. From the
Omaha, meaning they had these rivalries, there's no doubt about
it's firmly established that they had these rivalries. So the fact
that a woman is going to be jealous of a husband having
another wife, right? That's absolutely the case, except in
certain, you know, very minority situations. On the other hand, the
fact that a man has a desire for more than one and thus in
paradise, a man is promised more than one wife, more than one
spouse more than one partner, right? Whereas the woman isn't,
isn't that their rewards are different, right, generally
speaking. So knowing the fact that in this world women are going to
feel jealousy, and knowing the fact that the man has a desire for
more than one, right?
What did Allah subhanaw taala do if he took into consider if he
took into consideration that the jealousy is a more is a bigger
problem, then he would have prohibited the man for having more
than one wife. But if, if it's felt that the desire is more
important to take care of here, then it means that he should give
permission for more than one wife, because that is more of a danger
that that is not dealt with, than this one. Right? So that's why
Allah says
on what Allah gave permission in the Quran for a husband to have
more than one wife up to for up to four, not even two, not even
three, but for. I mean, why for think about it from that
perspective, you know,
all I'm saying is think of it psychologically, and this will
help you out to deal with your situation. That's what I'm saying.
I'm not encouraging men to go out and get married to more than one.
I want to make that very clear. I'm just talking about it from a
purely psychological perspective, just to make the field a women
feel that the perspective of how men feel, because many times when
men do these weird things, which are haram for them to do the women
take react in a worst in a worse way than they should do. Yes, they
should react because it's haram. Absolutely. And they want to, they
want to protect their turf, but then for them to start feeling
that I'm not good enough anymore. That is generally not the right
answer. A man is going to love his wife, she's everything for him.
But he's going to want more because that's what Allah that's
the way he has been made. That's his nature. And you have to
realize that it's not that he hates you. Now, it's not that you
are not good enough for him. Because many people they say,
wasn't she good enough? Aren't I good enough? Aren't I sufficient?
I do this for him. I do that for him? Yes, you do. But that's just
the way men are. Right? That's just the women. That's why Allah
has allowed that despite knowing that women are going to feel
extremely jealous angry because this feeling of jealousy and grief
here is an is a is a less of a fitna than for a man not to be
allowed to marry more than one. And I think one of the reasons why
there is so much Zina, even in the Muslim community, is because we
live in a highly sexualized world where you're seeing all sorts of
outside, you're confronting all sorts of things, and you're
interacting on all sorts of levels. And you can't do more than
one because the community doesn't allow it. Forget the law, the you
know that the legal aspect is another aspect. But even the
community frowns upon it. And again, I'm not encouraging, I'm
just trying to explain just so that it becomes more manageable
for you to deal with this. Because if the women have a clear head,
when they find their husbands doing weird things, flirting, or
you know, chatting up women or whatever, they'll have a more
clear head in the way they need to deal with it. So I'm trying to
empower the women here to understand the situation to
understand where they need to come from. Because if you're going to
come from the perspective that oh, I'm like this now, and I'm not
good enough, etc, you've got no legs to stand on, you're just self
destructing, then you can't respond to this man anymore. You
can't do you can't help him because you feel inefficient, you
feel feeble, you feel weak, you feel vulnerable, you feel like,
you know, there's no attention anymore. And that's absolutely
wrong. Right? Because the demands feeding is a different feeling.
And women's feelings. Feelings are different. And as you know, one of
the authors said Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus,
literally, from a psychological perspective, we are from two
different planets, not literally, but Metaphorically speaking, that
is the case we think differently, right? Of course, there's
exceptions to this rule. But that is generally the way the way you
must think. So when this woman said that. I caught my husband
looking at the real. I mean, I said yes, it's haram, it's wrong.
And you know, you should talk to him and everything. But I tried to
give her the confidence by telling her that look, we want to help you
to help your husband that it doesn't go beyond this. Right. But
other women are doing much worse, sorry, other men are doing much
worse than that. And women can't do it, they're in their bed and
the husbands are on the you know, on the on the computer, they're
doing something else. So
you it's the way you have to deal with it. That's very important to
understand. So the Sharia gives allowance for discussion, just to
just to recap, the Sharia gives allowance for discussion, and
certain formality and so on. Otherwise, if you don't have that
modesty inside you, then it doesn't matter whether you wear a
hijab or niqab or you cover yourself or you stay inside,
there's people who are going to do haram if they have the sense of
modesty is not inside them. I've come across so many women that
they don't wear, they don't cover their face, but they look down and
they walk. Then they speak to a man they look down, they try to
observe the principles. Then you've got women who obviously
wear niqab, they wear hijab, etc, etc. But you know, they're all
done up inside or whatever. So you've got the extremes, it
doesn't mean the only copies are bad, or hijab is bad or all you
know, none, hijab is a good, it's just that if we're done, if we
don't sort out the inside, then it doesn't matter because fitna is
going to come from all sides, you have to remember that fitness is
going to come around you because shaytan is trying to attack us. If
we don't develop our insight and the true hire and modesty inside
you we're not going to get anywhere, right? We're not going
to get anywhere. The benefit of modesty and hire to avoid these
kinds of things is great, because if you remember there are two
stories that are mentioned in that hadith. And they both about that
they actually both about these special worshipers of the previous
nations who worshipped Allah subhanho wa Taala Allah
For many, many, many, many years, and you've got two famous stories,
and I'm sure you've heard both of them, one is the story of Jura
age. And the other stories is of biases, right biases. And Jurij
Jurij is Barsi story is quite remarkable in the sense that it's
quite scary. He is a man who's been worshipping Allah subhanaw
taala for so many years, never, you know, this time the other, and
shaytan wanted to attack him. So what happened is that these few
brothers, they decided that we're going to go out somewhere so we
need to leave our sister somewhere the best person to leave her with
is this BOCES and finally, they left her with policies in an in a
separate room, everything, but eventually, because they were
close enough, right shaytaan I mean, the story is long, I'm sure
you've heard of it's I don't want to repeat the whole story. But
eventually what happened is shaytaan made him made him commit
Zina with her and finally kill her because he was gonna now going to
be found out. So just by this Zina, he committed murder,
obviously, he had to lie. He went and buried her. Then shaytaan gave
them indications where she was then he was found. And then he was
going to be hung. And then shaytaan came and said to him, if
you just bow your head to me, I will have you freed. He did that.
And that's when the noose tightened around his neck. And he
actually died as a golfer, a mushrik. Right? A worshipper of
the shaytaan is, in a sense, La Hawla, wala Quwata, illa biLlah
after being such a great worshipper, on the other hand, and
why did this happen is because he didn't stop at that first level.
Right? On the other hand, you've got your age, not your age, again,
there's a plot to try to, you know, to try to mislead him and
seduce him. And obviously, that was all based on his mother's day
was against him that May Allah not allow you today until you see the
face of a bad woman. Right? So then, you know, there's this woman
who wants to try to attract him and so on. So she goes and tries
but he thought so you know, he repels he doesn't, he doesn't take
any interest. Finally, what happens is that she goes and gets
impregnated by somebody else, then she comes in, carries the baby and
said that, you know, says alleges that he is the one who committed
Zina with her. So eventually, when he is brought to court, and they
they break his, they break his, you know, his place of worship
down saying that what kind of a bad person is this? And so on and
so forth. And then when he's brought to court, he says, No, I,
you know, I didn't do this. And then the child speaks up, this
infant speaks up that no, my real father is such and such a
shepherd, this other this other person. So now they they make His
face against China, he was saved here, because he he kept his
chastity. And that's why Allah subhanaw taala says that whoever
tries to be chaste Allah subhanaw taala will give him I mean, yeah,
if you are for Hilah, right, anybody, you're a hula, which is
the person who has tried to stay Chase, Allah subhanho wa taala,
give him that. But the only way we can do that is by understanding
the repercussions, gaining a love for Allah subhanaw taala. And
that's the way so you got these two stories that ALLAH SubhanA at
the profit and loss unrelated. And each of them are about a similar
kind of individual, a worshipper, one gets saved. And the other one
unfortunately, dies a mushrik. So it's quite detrimental. But in
terms of the women, just to just to again mentioned, you want to
put things in perspective, if you are facing this, you need to get
help. You need to don't tell the whole world about it. But get some
professional help get some help from someone, there's a close
friend you have, that's wise, that's not going to tell the whole
world, then speak to her about it, or speak to one of the Imams or
the sheiks about it, but get some help or above, the main thing is,
don't get paranoid, don't start becoming infatuated and obsessed
by things. And like every phone call, you're checking out every
email you're checking out and so on. And of course, if you see that
things are getting beyond, then you need to get some help, you
need to have a frank discussion with them. And on the other hand,
you need to be you know, I don't want to go into this topic at
length. But there's other aspects to this as well, which is that
sometimes, you know, with the natural inclination that men have
towards others anyway, right? It's, it's sometimes the men are
pushed in that direction by the women, not really giving attention
to their husbands. Now, this happens in certain cases as well.
They don't give enough attention to their husbands. They don't
dress up for them, they dress up for a wedding, they'll spend two
hours dressing up for a wedding by a special dress. When it comes to
their husband. They don't they don't do that. Right? husband
comes home in the evening. It's just too busy. They don't give
them any qualified quality time, especially after the children are
born. They don't do that. Whereas research shows nowadays, that
actually having a healthier husband and wife relationship,
paying more attention to your spouse is actually more healthier
even for the children because it will eventually filter down
because these are the two homemakers if there if it's good
there, it's going to filter down and if you focus more on your
children, although they are very demanding if you focus more on
your children and less on your spouse is there's going to be
issues. If there's an issue you need to just clarify apologize and
get on with it and
A
Allah subhanho wa Taala give us the Tofik, Allah subhanho wa Taala
allow us to understand things well, but really for women, they
need to realize that it shouldn't be an affront to them. It's bad,
it's haram, it's wrong, but they shouldn't feel that it's because
of some deficiency within themselves. At the end of the day,
we all deficient anyway. Right? None of us is perfect. But that's
the nature of man, the way they think they have to, they have to
do things in a halal way, in a proper way and a decent way.
Right? There are many people that come to me and they say, you know,
I've, I'd like to get married, again, I've got perfect wife, etc.
But I just like to get married again, or there's this woman who's
in need. And you know, she's, you know,
she's actually asked me that she doesn't mind being a second wife,
and she doesn't mind, you know, losing some of our rights, et
cetera, et cetera. And my advice is always to these people, I say
that. And remember, we're talking about Nikka here, because marriage
is illegal. But what I generally say to these people is that don't
do it unless your first wife is fine with it. Because you might be
trying to help somebody out in your, in your intention, right, or
shaitan may be making you feel like that you might just be
wanting to fulfill your desire, whatever, whatever justification
you have, but if the first wife is not on board, then you're just
gonna have agony in your life. Why mess up a situation that you have
that Allah has given you a you're happy with, and you're messing it
up for somebody else? Yes, if some miraculously you can convince your
first wife that we need to do this and you're all you know, you all
decide together hamdulillah that's a different story. But otherwise,
you want to completely avoid this because it's just gonna cause a
lot of aggravation. And you want to avoid that. May Allah subhanaw
taala give us the Tofik May Allah give us love and understanding
between the spouses give us a lot of Baraka, between the spouses.
And may Allah subhanaw taala allow us to avoid Zina in every form
whatsoever. And may Allah subhanho wa taala. Grant us genital for
those in the hereafter. Well, he read that went on in hamdulillahi
rabbil Alameen
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