Abdur Rahman ibn Yusuf Mangera – Every Teenager and Parent Needs to Hear This
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hamdu Lillahi Rabbil Alameen wa Salatu was Salam or aleikum wa
rahmatullah Alameen. Wa, either early or Safi Baraka was seldom at
the Sleeman Kathira en la Yomi Deen Amma bird call Allah with the
baraka with Dara for the Quran in Nigeria with for Connie Hamid
onetoone Ilona Incans Gundam meaning
ALLAH SubhanA wa Tada speaks about a very specific
issue. And he does this in four verses.
It talks about steps hoto the shape on the steps of the shaytaan
kotoba the shape on so there's four places first inserted Bacara
what are the Biru? Who do the Shavon in Nemo the Komodo womb
mobian
Don't follow the footsteps of the shaytaan he is your clear enemy.
Shaytan is sworn to be the enemy of mankind to try to mislead us.
He does that through steps. It's not all at once one throw us into
the fire straightaway. It'll be steps. So I think today we want to
discuss these steps. None of us again in circle Bacara Allah
subhanaw taala speaks about this again in verse 208. Yeah, you
Hallerin Manu, the Holo is still Mica.
What are the three row photo to show you pour in hula kumawu, whom
Moby. So what's added here is all people who believe enter into
Islam fully whole, as a whole, not just partially in one foot in one
foot out. Again, do not follow in the footsteps of shaitan do not
follow the footsteps of shaytaan because he's your clear enemy
again.
So here, we have this idea that following the shaytaan means that
you've got one foot out, because the path of shaytaan cannot be the
path of Islam. And it's very simple distinction. Number three
CIRTL Anam one, verse 142, Allah says Kulu miam was a como Allah,
whatever that W hoto the shape on in hula comb or the womb Moby,
same similar but here, each of what Allah has provided you
eat of what Allah sustains you with. Don't follow the footsteps
of the shaytaan he's a clear enemy. And lastly in order to do
verse 21, the chapter of light No. Yeah, you Khaled in
that view how to shape on
me how to shape or differ in who we are more rooted in who we are,
more will build for
you will move. So people who believe do not follow the
footsteps of shaytaan whoever does follow in the footsteps of shaitan
then he just commands fascia and monka
fascia, vulgarities and chastity vices. deviancy is especially
sexual deviancy is, well, monka and just all wrong. Things that
Islam does not recognize as being right as being good. The opposite
of my roof. The opposite of model of model is that which is seen as
decent in the deen. So this is the way of shaytaan these four verses
and a number of other verses, they talk about how to work the shape
on steps of Shavon Shavon will hardly ever take somebody and put
him into a pub straightaway.
Right? You will first get used to the idea. You may get used to
first
a shisha bar.
There's a lot of problems with shisha bars apparently. I mean, I
only went into one once. Right? That's because actually I was in
Glasgow and one of the brothers there who was a student
of the DEA. He said, What do you think about shisha bars? So I
don't really know too much about them. I know I don't like she
shouldn't she should not be done and I know a lot of even some
people who think that decent Doshisha and you shouldn't do
right. Once I was in Egypt in Hong Khalili where you smell this stuff
all over the place. Right? If you've been to Egypt, there's a
famous bazaar there the hunts and Elian just smelled this stuff. So
somebody with me with a big beard. One of our brothers who was with
us.
He was into a bit of seashell. So he did it. Then we met some Arab
brothers. Some Egyptian brothers raised some religious but I don't
think any of them had beards. Right. So the but they were
religious, you know? And I just asked him I said, What do you guys
think of the shisha is haram?
Haram Yahiro
How can you talk about she does a good job, he didn't see our
brother with the big beard doing it. Right? Because then when
people think it's, it's not the same as smoking or smoking has, if
they laugh, I'm not gonna go into smoking. I'm not gonna talk about
smoking. But the point is that so this brother from Glasgow, he
said, let me take, I've got one of my friends on one owns one. So he
called him up when and then he told me everything that got its it
because if somebody tells their parents, I'm going to Ashish
about, okay, he's not going to a pub. He's not going into a bar
like Shala viva. Just she said, No, so we only sit down and we do
a bit of feature.
shisha will be one thing, but there's a lot of and then some
shisha places have actually, these little cubicles that you can rent,
privately. And then it's just extra steps of the shaytaan. You
get used to that eventually, there's some people I've seen in
America, when I was there, lots of people used to go to the bar is
like, okay, just we want to fit in. But we're going to drink
orange juice.
We're just going to drink orange juice. But slowly, slowly. There's
a lot of peer pressure. Even for adults, there's a lot of peer
pressure. So it's all it's automatic. shaytaan. Just to give
you an idea, just to give you an explanation. Now,
today, we have a short amount of time, and we did you say question
answers as well, right? So we don't have too much time. And I
don't want to bore you with what I think is necessary, important,
because it may be irrelevant to you. So I want to give you an
opportunity to also ask questions. But I actually sat with some
people, some young young people who've just come out of being
teenagers, they no longer in their teens, they're just over 20. So I
sat with them today. And I said tell me, give me some guidance for
teenagers. I mean, I was a teenager a very long time ago,
when I was a teenager, it was a bit different. There were issues
clearly there were issues, no doubt. But those issues were very
different. Today, Mashallah. Innovation is innovation, you
know, new things, advancements. So even in teenagers, there's a lot
of advancements, new language, new stuff, new slang, all sorts of
things are new. So I said, you tell me what it is. So they gave
me a whole list. I thought Subhanallah, this is make it more
relevant to our teenagers today. But this is not just for
teenagers, I want to speak to the parents as well is always
difficult to actually talk to two generations or three generations
at once. Allah help us.
Now, if we start off with a few basic points,
if our
lots of times people come, and they say that we want our children
to marry, so so and so. But they don't want to marry them. And
we've got this huge war in the house. So I said, Well, you've
only got yourself to blame.
said why? Well, if you had interacted with them and come on
to a common understanding, from a younger age, especially during
their
form you formulation age, which is a teenage age, and you were on the
same kind of vibe with them, you'd come to them and they'd come to
you, then maybe at this time, you wouldn't have this difference of
opinion. Maybe you would listen to what they want. And they would
have listened to what you want, and you would have met somewhere
in between.
But what it may be is that you've neglected them until now not been
on a common platform. And now you're saying do this, and they
want to do that. So it's a bit too late. Sometimes, I think if our
children don't marry who we would like them to marry, it means some
of somebody's failed here. Right? I think we're gonna have to face
up to that all of this starts early. You just can't switch
something on, you can't switch therapy it on at the age of 1415.
It has to start earlier than that, where they trust us, they know
that we're the ones to come to, because we're going to talk with
wisdom to them, that we're going to give them guidance, we're going
to listen to them. We're going to listen to them, we're going to try
to understand them. And we're going to try to meet somewhere.
But if we have not done that, and they're not trusting us because of
that, then how do you recreate that? How do you recreate that
relationship and trust trust is very difficult to recreate.
So this is a huge this is a huge challenge.
So there's a it has to start early or it has to start him now I would
say that when it gets to the beginning years until the age of
10 or so. The parents can control a lot mashallah the children
generally end up doing what the parents want. Then they start
getting 1112 is still okay. Once you start getting to 1314
Mashallah their brain has developed now, like it has to come
on. You can't stay a child anymore. You don't want your
children to stay childish anymore. That
Brain is going to develop this is the physics, right? This is the
the biology that the brain develops, right? The neurons and
everything. And there's certain segments of the brain, there's a
risk, that there's a risk taking segment that one doesn't develop
until about 28, or something. So that's why teenagers and youth,
young, young men young when they will, they're willing to take
Gamble's and risks until about 28. That's when they kind of calm
down, and a person's mind and everything generally matures fully
emotionally in every aspect at about the age of 14. So it's a
huge development. Now, what happens is that when the 1314 15
is developing, they start finding new energies within them, that
they can think for themselves. Now,
that's a very crucial time. And this is when McAdams let them go.
We've taught you enough, you finish Quran, you can go now,
that's actually the time where we need MCQ the most. That's why we
started adult class, we started calling them advanced classes, we
didn't want them to think they're still in little children muck
them. Because then they think, Oh, we've been doing this for so long,
we want to change the whole psychology of it. Right? So they
were now going to be treated as adults, meaning young adults, from
the age of 14, and so on, it was extremely popular, not only
recently had to actually let the class go with the class had been
with us for one year, we had another class, we had shortage of
space. So it's like, really shy, they really wanted to stay because
that's when they really understand because now they're studying
things with a more adult mind. Until now they studied everything
with a child's mind. Now they really want to define their life.
Because they're learning so much. We've let them go. But the school
social media is teaching them so many other things that they like,
oh, wow, that's life. That's what he's got to do. But what does
Islam say about this life? Now, if you don't have the environment at
home, they've lost the mother site environment in many occasions on
Hamdulillah, some mothers carry on, and it's very important, but
there's the home life. Now if the parents are too busy, or they just
don't know, they're just out of sync, then there's
what we're allowing our children to do teenagers to do is to
develop a worldview,
a psyche, a mentality that is going to be just picked out from
whatever they see around. That's not a very healthy way to do it is
it? You know, we need some guidance at that time to guide you
need to give them the tools of guidance.
Allah subhanaw taala is love connection with Allah, fear of
Allah, all of that needs to be in their heart, we can't look after
our children, watch them and supervise them 24/7 For example,
imagine if your child comes back from school and use you It's
winter now. Right? So you can't come back and pray for her. You
have to do more acid in them at school because mercury is at 357
or something and your child comes back and you said did you put in
the miles and he said no I did it. Are you to be happy or angry?
Okay, put your hand up if you're happy
Okay, that's a few discerning people who say that I will put my
hand up I was actually happy who says it who's who would be unhappy
rest of you Where are you when
can you have to be somewhere with the other you can't be on the you
know, this is like where would you be?
It looks like most people are going to be unhappy. I can
understand you're both right. I was actually happy
you know why? He could have told me I prayed
he could have told his mother I prayed who was gonna go on a
check. Do we have spies down there? There was no tracker of in
the track of where you are but there's no track of what you do
you know on your phone or he doesn't have a phone anyway but
you know some people will trackers on people's phone like where you
been but you can't track them movement as I go he prostrate look
namaz for rival A B when namaz per day. She's she's actually going to
a Hunka
right? So because he said I couldn't find the space.
Right now there's a there's a college that is going through some
huge turmoil because they just don't let the students pray. This,
this school hamdulillah she was praying but you have to juggle
across the timings. And so he just didn't know how to do it yet.
Right.
Now we've spoken you know, we've come up with ideas where we'll do
socks so you don't get caught with your foot in the sink.
In the school toilets, because if you have to do we'll do as well.
Like if you have to do we'll do in the school toilets like do all of
that. Then wash your feet as well. So we they pray Almighty one will
do socks. So at least you don't have to wash your feet. You can do
massage on them. You have to be creative hamdulillah then he
figured out how to do it.
You'd ask a teacher find an empty room just quickly pray, put your
jacket down, just pray hamdulillah Do you understand what I'm saying?
You have, we have to teach our children not just to pray. That's
just part of it. That's just for the remembrance all that we have
to teach them the remembrance of Allah, the consciousness of Allah,
and not to lie.
That's very important. If our children have learned to lie, you
don't know you're on another one. You just don't know what they're
doing them because they can tell you and they can be very very
convincing.
So these are some of the challenges that God fearing us
that's why we need to teach our children from a young age not just
preparing or Pray, pray, pray, but why they should pray. Now this
might sound a bit primitive, but
if I have a small example your name was again one
by schlock mashallah, and what's your name? Is the Adidas
adorable hate mashallah
the seven of the encompassing one Did you know that with you better
noise your name, man. It's a really good meaning. It's a very
powerful meaning. You're the servant of the encompassing one.
That's Allah so adorable. He do have a Auntie
mashallah, do you have an auntie likes to give you a lot of stuff,
sweets and she gets like giving you hugs and all that kind of
stuff like smothers you. Oh, mashallah, everybody has one that
hopefully, everybody has one of those colors or four years of full
peace or whatever you want to call it an auntie like that, right? I
imagine you go to her house. And you know, you mix along with the
you know, she talks to you. But in now that you're getting older,
what you do is you just go to their house and you go and quickly
want to go on the place that you don't even want to say salaam to
her.
You just want to go and play? Do you think she's going to be happy
with it?
Is she still going to be giving you stuff and everything now?
You're thinking, Man, this guy's so ungrateful in it.
Allah subhanaw taala gives us so much.
Allah has given us everything. So should we remember him as well?
Otherwise they'll get upset with us.
Right? That's why we pray to thank Allah to, to connect with him to
speak to him.
We need to use examples in life to make Deen a reality.
So that it's not just a set of rules.
Also another thing
this I'm going to take from you supertall sob who's sitting here,
right? You might recognize this. Children leave three things from
us, right? The three A's remember that this is all children they
need that. One is affection. They need to know that we love them.
They need to know that we love them.
Now we all love them. Inshallah. We do this because we love you.
But we don't tell them we love them.
What are the words to say I love you.
That's maybe difficult. Like I love you. How do you say that?
Right? Sounds a bit too romantic. You know, how do you say that? So
they need to know we love them. Because love is a very important
human need.
Love is an extremely important human. Everybody wants to be
loved.
And they want to love and they want to be loved.
That's number one. Number two, they need affirmation. So this
affection and then affirmation. What does affirmation, we need to
affirm that we value them for who they are and for what they are
positive reinforcement.
So we can't force them to do things they don't want to do in
terms of career choices and things like that we'd rather reinforce
and find out what they're talented at. Some are more talented with
their mind smart, some more smarter with physically, where
they like to build things, and so on. And there's scope for all of
that in Islam. So we need to affirm provide positive
reinforcement, we need to let them know when we are pleased. We can
let them know when we're upset, which we all do. But we also let
them know when we are pleased. And number three was probably one of
the biggest ones is attention. You have to give them attention.
Now what does attention mean? There's a recent study that shows
that actually,
a lot of people think that we need to make the children the center of
our attention. That's not necessarily true. The center of
attention needs to be the husband and wife.
If you've got husband and wife relationship is stable, then that
creates stability in the home for the children children need a
stable environment.
The same thing really is just focused on each other to such a
degree that you create that stability.
Let the husband get on with his work and let the wife Garen, they
complement one another and they don't have many problems within
them. Then inshallah that will be a stable home because a lot of the
problems outside
You will see people causing a lot of issues. Crime, if you do a
study a lot of them actually is because they've had an unstable
upbringing, either the absence of a father, generally, it's an
absence of a father, that can be an absence of a mother as well.
But mostly, it's an absence of a father, maybe the dad deficit
syndrome, if you want to name it, that, that creates a lot of issues
and instability, you need stability, and Allah has made that
system of both father and mother being involved in that. So they
need attention.
And if we give them our time,
doesn't mean 24 hours. But if we give them time, it shows that we
care for them, and we value them. Anybody who stopped the only
people who are starved of these three things, because you need
them as human beings, you need an attention, affection and
affirmation. Because you need that if you don't get it from the
parent, you're going to look for it elsewhere.
You're going to find it in a gang, you're going to find it in
classmates, you're going to find it online on social media, you're
going to find it somewhere else. And there's lots of people outside
to give love, false love for that, especially to girls. I mean, the
sisters listening as well, right? Especially the girls that even
everybody's vulnerable. But the girls are even more vulnerable.
Because there lots of Tom, Dick and Harry's out there who try to
act as the love, you know, to give love and compliments and
affection. And if somebody has been deprived of that, then they
naturally emotionally inclined that urge. And then they get
abused. If you look at many of the abuse cases, this was the
background. This was the reason most of the girls were deprived of
this and people took advantage of it. Right? I'm gonna break this
down quickly into four different or five different categories. So
in a teenager's life, there's going to be four or five areas
that you have to be really concerned about. Number one is the
social media influences the biggest one, I think,
after the home after the parents interaction, it's the social
media.
So our young brothers and sisters, and also adults, if you don't
understand this, as well, everything you see on Instagram or
Facebook, or Twitter or wherever is not a reality.
People go to especially influencers, they go to huge
amounts of production costs, to make something seem amazing,
fascinating, extraordinary, tantalizing, dramatic, because
that's what's gonna get the lights, there's so many out there,
how are you going to go to one how you're going to attract somebody
to yourself. So a lot of it is a lot of camera, a lot of makeup, a
lot of props and other things to make it like that you just can't
do that at home. It's not a reality.
It doesn't represent real life.
Generally on on popular social media, they, the reason they're
popular is because they extreme in a sense, they're doing something
extreme, right. And generally, it's towards the shaytani side,
because that's what's going to pull out the knifes the lowly
soul, every human being within themselves has a knifes, which
gets pulled towards all vices of this world. And they know exactly
how to do that.
For example, you've got somebody who's got a new handbag every day,
Louis Vuitton sometimes sometimes car TA, sometimes Christian Dior,
you know, all of this stuff, is really think somebody's normal
person is going to have that. You might have one, like every day is
a new one. That's not normal. You can't have that.
Right? Unless you're crazy billionaire, then you know, you
can have whatever, but that's just the different categories, a
different thing we're talking about. Right? So now you think
that you need that as well.
The other big problem that we have today is that there's influences
on LiDAR, Muslim.
And you have to be careful that Muslim influence if they're not
proper scholars, they don't necessarily represent the
scholarly position of Islam, the proper view of Islam, they just
influencers who happen to be Muslim.
They happen to be Muslim, just because they're Muslim does not
mean that they will know all the rules and regulations of Islam.
I think most of them don't even claim that people think that. For
example, we have one chef here, who's a mashallah he's studied.
He's got students who are bigger influences online than he is.
They have more following. So he goes to another country and they
asked him that do not allow,
for example, so I guess my students say I need to ask him a
question. Ignore that you're the teacher. Just I need to ask him a
question.
because that's what he does, like you see. So don't think that even
who are Muslim, that they are Muslim scholars, this has been the
case big time. This has been a major confusion for a very long
time. This is exactly what happened with Ahmed Deedat.
Parameter larly. His focus was Christianity. But people would ask
him questions about divorce. Sometimes he would that he wasn't
a Muslim scholar in that sense, is that unique, same thing. He's that
he's good at comparative religion. But then he's there. Somebody's
asked him questions about three divorce, and then he'll give you a
fatwa about it. Right? So he's very good at one thing, but that
doesn't mean have to become good at everything. There's certain
questions you can ask me. And I will say, I don't know.
certain questions of things that I've not studied yet. Right? I may
have studied many different Islamic sciences, there's certain
things like I just don't know. You know, maybe when you asked me
questions, I would say, I don't know, because I can't know
everything. But I can try to find out for you.
So one has to be very careful with this. Then you got the female ones
who are hijab styles, clothing styles, but they happen to be
Muslim. So it's like, okay, that must be proper Islamic, I need to
look like that. Do you know that by you just watching them you're
making a lot of money for them. Every YouTube what you watch
YouTube video, you watch somebody like that, you're just making
money. That's why they put it out there making some money out of
that, when they run out of ideas of different I mean, how many
hijab styles can they be in the world?
Like, how many jobs can they be, is only a certain number like
Coachella 1000 2000. Like you've run out of ideas. So then when
they run out of ideas, then they take the hijab off now, because
it's now a new drama.
So now the people who are following that religiously,
they get really confused. This causes huge confusion.
She's a Muslim, he chaabi hijab, is there a hijab? Isn't there a
hijab? He's
just like, you know, you get the Adana, kebab, and the Sikh kebab
and so on. I mean, I'm not putting hijab is known, but you get people
are different. So you mustn't think that just because somebody
wears a hijab, they find and this is weird ideas out there that you
can wear a hijab and everything but then you leave a part of your
I don't know this I was told by I was just told today that this is a
new fad, that you have to leave your ankles showing. But you're
covering your head. What's going on here?
Now poor sisters are poor young sisters. They're like, Okay,
that's a new style. It must be okay. Because he's a Muslim.
That's why I will tell you something. Why did I become Why
did I study the deen and religion? A lot of people ask me that. So I
say first I used to think it's because my father is a Hatfield in
Ireland. My mother was like,
what do you call it a de facto half is but not officially she
could take my mistakes when cooking when I was memorizing
because she just read the Quran so much, but she was not officially
ours. My both grandfathers are half is of the Quran. One was 30
as well. My uncle was a Mufti. Another one is the harvest of the
Quran. And the third one was a mute of the bleed, and come on
Hamdulillah. Everybody can't have that. So how can I benefit you
with that, that's me. That's what I was given. But I can't transfer
that to you. Maybe you can start doing that for your next
generation. But I can't transfer that to you. But there's a lot of
people who everybody in their family is a doctor or rd, they
don't want to be an animal or a doctor.
They like I'm sick of this stuff. Like I've dealt with one kid. And
we've actually more than a number of university shows, especially in
America that parents want them to be doctors because they're adopted
a mother's a doctor. The uncles are doctors, the doctor that said,
you can't be anything less than a doctor, there's some communities a
crazy idea. They want to they forcing I don't want to be a
doctor.
Right? So sometimes just because you have the environment in the
house that doesn't make you do that. There's people I know
they've got wonderful businesses, but the chill, nobody wants to
take that business on the parents. The father has to sell the
business off. Nobody wants to do he's just don't want it. I'm sick
of that stuff. I've been seeing it since I was born. Right? It
happens. So what was it really? Well, when I really look back? I
think it's because the way the deal was glorified in my house. I
think that's the real reason which made like, I want to be like that
as well. When somebody would be a half isn't good, be glorified, or
the man will never put down on them. I will never criticize
whenever mocked. It was always glorified. The dean was glorified.
The books of Islam are glorified. That made me like well, I mean a
glorious system. It Dean was in action.
I want to be part of the action.
So you have to remember there's difference in these things. You
have to make the Dean a livable Dean in your house.
And the dean is very comprehensive history.
is not just Namaaz and and fastI in the month of Ramadan there's a
big interaction that happens in that that's why I really think
that why I picked up this as like yeah man I want to be part of this
is amazing right and that's what everybody can do. In fact you can
even do the first one if you've not had that like your parents and
and young because we're not islands and have it that's fine
but you can start from now in your tree in your descendants and
mashallah you know my wife's family the father was the none of
her her father or brother's none of them are alums. But every
single son of me every cousin of hers male cousin they all have is
of the Quran
he's got like six rows of privacy not all of them are half is of the
Quran
right and I can see another family way inshallah all the girls and
boys on behalf of the Quran because until now they're all
doing hips and it's just not that they have is an ally of the Quran
is sitting back and struggling
that's another thing. People think that the when you're religious you
don't enjoy life like you guys are boring.
That's what a lot of people think that when you become religious,
that you don't have fun. There's no fun because fun is all haram.
Right? There's no Halal fun.
I was at a program two weeks ago, outside of London somewhere. And
this is the vibe I was getting. So it's like, okay, how do you enjoy
Halal fun? Or how do you enjoy life in a halal way? Like, I
didn't know what to say, because I have a wonderful life. Hamdulillah
I really enjoyed my life. Right? I couldn't think and then I just
asked the guy I said, Okay, who's been who's who's had a flight on
first class.
Right now, people, they might have gone into business class, but
first class is a whole different, you know?
And you know what? It was another island who said they had been? Are
you serious? It was another Maulana. So the only two people
two mo learners would have first class flights. SubhanAllah.
You know, I didn't have to pay for them. I mean, I got mine on
points.
I'm not saying that's the end all of what I'm saying. But I'm saying
that you can enjoy Halloween, I wouldn't do it again. Right? I can
tell you a lot of stuff. When you're when you're religious.
Allah subhanaw taala provides you in amazing ways, with much less
effort. What do I tell you? Much less effort? And you have it all
right. So don't think it's boring.
Another thing is,
influences to make things dramatic. They have to go crazy.
They have to do strange things because someone starts off with
halaal. Maybe it goes into haram.
Right? Initially. They don't show for example, as a male influencer,
they don't show women then they start showing women, okay, they
don't have music, then they start doing music, because they have to
keep abreast of everybody else. Okay, that's the first thing.
Number two importance of family.
Like I'm part of family why the importance of family.
This is both for the teenagers and for the parents, we need to make
the home a better and comfortable place. Not just comfortable in
terms of good beds and good sofas and good furniture, but
comfortable in the sense of being able to discuss feeling good at
home. You know, if you've got a child, a teenager who would rather
be playing outside with his friends are in their house playing
outside with friends is like mashallah, that's, that would be
great if they can play, but they'd rather be at their friend's house
or if they're at home, they would rather be in their room, more than
they would be with the family. They just don't like me and they
always sulking not sulking, but they always in solitude ethic of
in the room, then you probably got a problem.
Most likely got a problem. Why would they not want to be part of
the family? Just recently, somebody told me that they met a
girl. She's a young girl. So she met another girl and talking about
her brother. Have you got her in his number? She didn't have her
phone number said why don't you have that phone number of your
brother hardly talked to?
I hardly talked to my brother.
I mean,
why wouldn't you talk to your brother? That's your brother.
That's the one who's there for you, brother and sister. But some
families have been sisters don't lay Young.
There's no relationship. If your child wants to be somewhere else,
and if you want to be somewhere else, then that's a problem. You
need to find out what the issue is. Why don't they want to be is
it because we have a problem that we're making? It's suffocating it
becomes claustrophobic or we're not open enough or what's the case
here where we're shouting or what what's the case? Or if they got a
problem with the problem? Have you got both got a problem? Right
because eventually they will develop a problem. I mean, I'm
Saying things in a very straightforward way, right? Just
take it however you want. I don't know if anybody has that problem,
if it's you, well, you know, let's do it out. And think about this
help. A lot of people don't get help, because they think
everybody's going to find out. They I've been dealing with this
for the last 20 years, especially in marriages. But this can be
translated everywhere. They only come to you. And it's like a point
of no return. The guy has been dealing drugs on drug for such a
long time. But for the last five years, only after five years, when
it gets so bad, they will come and get try to get help from your
mom's or somebody, you need to get help. Right at the beginning, if
you've not been able to manage it.
You need to get help sooner than later.
Nowadays, you don't even have to go to local Imam, this, you can
contact them online on the phone, Allah, if you're worried about the
whole community finding out, you'd rather let people find out, then
when they find out later, when you can't even do anything about it.
Our teenagers are having issues and they just don't know what to
do about it. Parents don't know they leave it too long.
Your home should be such that your your children should be able to
come and discuss whatever issue is on their mind that has been
discussed at school, by the teacher by a special program by
by friends, you know, teach
Subhanallah I mean, we have the L we have the religious, non
religious,
all
that stuff we pull our children out of it. Problem is that next
day their friends, tell them everything.
Do you understand?
That's why our meetups and that are also an you know, that's why a
lot of people call us up by here to give that because these things
you need to know. You need to know.
I just did a small teenage program in Aberdeen. And we just had these
teenagers Allahu Akbar. I mean, if you're here then
So somebody asked this question that what's the big deal about
marriage? Like, what do you get out of my What does it feel like
being married? Subhanallah being married, it really completes you
as a human being because you have somebody to share many things and
engage with and interaction with any fulfills you. Right? I kept it
vague. So this little 11 year old kid is all that dirty stuff.
What do you mean dirty stuff? Does you know how babies are produced.
He wasn't supposed to be they were supposed to be for over two hours,
but he was in a very talkative
you know, Allah bless him Allah protective, like, oh, that ugly
stuff that acid law. However, there's nothing dirty about the
act. It's a sacred act.
It's a sacred just needs to be done halal. That's how Allah
continues the human race.
That's how people come this is a sacred act, people have been able
to get interested in Jannah through this act is just people
don't understand that. Imam Ghazali says that this reminds you
of the highest stages of Jannah. It's one of the pleasures of the
world that reminds you of the pleasures of gender.
It's, it's, it's there. It's encouraged. It's not a dirty act.
If you don't know what I'm talking about, it's okay. If you don't
know what I'm talking about, it's okay. Right.
So, children should be able to come at home and discuss gender
fluidity issues, for example, because they I remember once
one of the homework pieces of one of the children was there, if they
read it was about gender fluidity. Very positive.
about somebody's experience. SubhanAllah. Now they're gonna
read that stuff at home. Sorry, in school. If you can't discuss it at
home, then where are they going to discuss it? Mother Teresa, maybe.
But if they're not a mother as you can, you can't blame the other Ma.
If they do it Al Hamdulillah they should do it in the in the schools
in the mother's house. But if they don't, at the end of the day,
dependencies of the responsibility
should be able to discuss this. I'll give you a simple example.
What happens is that in some families,
all the girls after the age of 1314 become sick once a month.
There's nothing wrong with them, but they're sick for about five,
seven days. That's what everybody's told.
Or they'd be modeled Bemaraha is for just in the money for Ray
they're sick that's why they're not praying Lamaze like What do
you mean sickness? This is ministration is not a sickness.
It's a normal thing for women to do it. If they didn't have it.
It'd be a sickness. Why you calling it a sickness for
Right. Like for example, everybody's praying and the mother
is not praying. Or the sisters not praying so the cut the child a kid
11 years like why isn't she praying? Moms? Why isn't mom
praying? Like why are you praying on sick? Come on.
You're not sick. Just say that Allah, for women over a certain
ages the way we do it over a certain age, they
give them a holiday from prayer. I've never heard a kid yet saying,
Man, that's discrimination.
Men don't worry about discrimination. That's
discrimination whether you're in, you know, I don't know, they just
like, Okay, fine. Hamdulillah.
Like be be it. I'm not saying be vulgar about it and, like,
advertise it. But at the same time, you need to deal with it in
a professional, formal, proper way. When they're old enough,
they'll understand. Right?
So you see parents need to be the fifth point here is parents need
to be absolutely aware as far as possible, what's going on with
their children.
Not you can't be aware like that does not mean spying. That does
not mean like take them on, always check through. Because they'll
just if you do that, they'll just figure out another way to do it.
They'll just disguise the files as the cash,
not money. But see a CH E, I think the cash of the system a system
file was Miguel go quickly over. Right? Delete undelete. I'm not
giving ideas. But what I'm trying to say is that that's not the way
to do it. Right. Because when you set up a system, people know how
to overcome the system, you need to be generally aware. And if you
have a good communication, they'll tell you about their
vulnerabilities. If they've fallen for something. If they messed up
somewhere, they will, they will, they will generally, at least
voice it out.
Just have to keep abreast of who their friends are. If they're
playing for example fortnight, then you need to know who the
other guys are that they're playing with. Because smiley just
recently I'm dealing with a wide, there's a case of a person who's
got a 60. And now she's 17 year old. And through Twitter, of some
guy, little guy her age from America has literally convinced
her to atheism.
Right, so they managed to get away from that became better for a
while. But now going back in that direction, you have to be aware
does, and he's another 1718 are very committed to trying to help
her out of the faith and giving her Plan B's of like what would
happen if your parents to throw you out. And it's just gone too
far. And there's a number of cases like that there's another one who
I was told to speak to her on the phone and she started literally
giving me evidences for aspects of Christianity. She was just too far
gone. I was like, she's giving me the power to Krishna like this is
wrong in Islam, this I'm trying to respond to you. And she told me,
she said, Oh, you're just better speaker. That's why I can't, you
know, give her that there are responses to these things. That's
how deluded it can become Allah prevent and protect,
have to be aware, so that you can catch sooner than later. Because
once you've got social media, you literally invited the whole world
into your house, or into your child's room on the gadget. So
you're gonna have to be very, very aware.
Because you've allowing everybody in and you can't like not allow
them either. There's somebody who tried not to give their children,
their daughter mobile pushed it pushed, it pushed into the age of
16. Then they found out she actually got one and was hiding
it.
It took two three months to find out to to when she left it
somewhere because how protected Are you going to be eventually
remember, you can do anything wrong. You can only hide it for so
long. That's the rule of this world. Okay, you guys. If you do
anything wrong, and you want to hide it, you can only hide it for
so long, eventually you'll get caught.
Okay,
just don't do it, you will eventually get caught. So they
found it. Now what turns out is that here, the parents were
overdid it. Imagine a girl 16 years old, all her friends have a
phone
and she doesn't have one.
That's a difficult one.
So, you know what it is, is that once you get a teenager
your relationship cannot be one way anymore. Your relationship has
to be constantly your your your discipline, relationship, your
focus needs to constantly be adjusted. A new challenge every
day is you have to adjust how hard you want to be, how soft you want
to be, how allowing how accommodating how strict, you have
to adjust it. And number two, you cannot win every battle. Remember
that
is just the laws, the opportunities, availability,
exposure is just too much and you cannot win every battle in this
country. At least you can not win every battle.
You're just going to have to win the big battles and you're gonna
have to give
Have some battles, it's very difficult and just make it work.
But keep asking for help because sometimes we just don't know we go
down too hard on certain things. The way I like to understand it is
something I learned from why we are the hola Juan Manuel with the
Allahu Anhu
inherited the Khilafah after a huge turmoil from the end of a
farmer, the Alliance manager was murdered, added to the Allahu
Anhu. At his time, many more fitness came up and trials. He was
then monitored, killed as well assassinated. And then it was her
somebody and then eventually is Margaret to be alone. And then he
brought stability. But there were factions where there were so many
conflicting factions. So how did he manage to bring them together?
So he says that my relationship with my people is like
a tug of war on a string, not a piece of hair, a strand of hair.
Imagine you're holding one, something as thin as a hair. And
I'm like, we have to I have to try to put it my way. And you're going
to try to put it your way and we can't let it break. There's all
gone. So he says if they pull too much, I sometimes have to let go.
And if they try to pull too much, then if they're going too much,
then I have to then pull back. That's a tug of war. You can't win
every lesson people they want like win every battle but believe me
I'm telling you it's very difficult
unless you've played it right from the beginning and your children
are only from the beginning meaning Willie's mashallah mothers
are when he as they say they just be born as what he's done. Salas
you got no problem they'll take you region manager, Allah insha
Allah all about him that you know will take us agenda.
So
that's, that's about that. Now, the third point is mental health
issues. This is a big and real issue. Do you know that one out of
every four teenage girls who have a mental health problem?
Check it out? BBC 22nd of November 2018 is an article there's
probably many other articles. One in four girls have a mental health
problem.
What does mental health problem mean? Doesn't mean that
she goes crazy. Many people think mental health means like, they
start talking about costs. And they start acting like a madman.
That's not what mental health is. I've told people I've tried to
stop calling a mental health quality psychological problem,
people might be a bit more, you know, accepting of it because we
say mental health people just a mental I mean, boggle.
Do you understand people with
overly stressed with depression, that's a mental health problem.
People with various traumas, and so on, it's mental health problem.
One in four girls have a mental health problem of some sort at
all. And many Muslim girls are involved in that it could be for
many, many different reasons. Could be for many, many different
reasons. You have to know when your mood, the girls mood is
changing with the boys mood is changing what's going on. We've
got many, not many, but we've got a number of cases of abuse, which
are the worst of them, they have a lifelong impact.
And the parents, if they're not seen to have dealt with it, the
parents whose children start hating the parents that you did
not deal with it. They just want to brush it on the kitchen
cupboard. But that's not enough. I've had cases of adult women and
men who are still suffering from abuse at young age, especially
sexual abuse. It scars you for life, it then makes you think that
Why did Allah allow that to happen to me, or another way to think
about it that they do is if it happened, that means I'm dirty.
And I can't be pure. Nobody's spoken to them about it. They just
brushed it under the under the carpet. They need some kind of
counseling, but be careful about the counselor.
It's like we can't win. We just don't have enough good counselors,
religious counselors. I know a case of somebody who's
What do you call it wondering whether he is was it a kind of
whether he thinks he's homosexual, or whether he thinks he's a girl?
Not sure it's one of those two cases. And he went to a counselor,
a certain Muslim counseling service, who told him like, Yeah,
you should explore that. And I checked it up and it was actually
another, you know, have a different kind of background.
Subhan Allah, it's only in the west where you can have clinics
where they will give you chemicals to help you transition.
It's not available in poor countries because you need
chemicals, you're shoving chemicals down inside and
hamdulillah now people are waking up to this. So there's this
controversy about the clinic that was doing that, that children
don't have the right to make up that decision yet. And so I'm I
hope more is understood about this, but it's very difficult
So parents should be alert. And they should take action. Action
needs to be compassionately because they were our children at
the end of the day. So there are therapies out there for these
things for trauma, mental traumas, mental issues, and rooted in the
we've had in the middle of nowhere, my wife is teaching and
there's a girl who's slashing her wrist.
You're gonna need intervention, that safeguarding why she slashing
original. That is this one in four have a mental health problem
is the another thing is that a lot of parents, they do certain things
with their child based on culture.
Eventually, like forcing them to marry someone. And they say that
this is Islamic, but it's actually not Islamic to force your
daughters to marry someone. It happens more in some cultures than
others.
What then happens is that these children leave Islam afterwards.
There's a girl, there's a woman who called me she's about 40 years
old, and she was asking about some small thicky masala.
So I explained it, and then she carried on discussing and she says
I My husband's a non Muslim.
Now that for me was very confusing that she's asking about a very
specific masala of somebody who's really practicing. But she's
married to a non Muslim, which is obviously invalid in Islam, like,
how did that happen? Is what 14 I said, Well, my parents married me
off to someone. And, you know, I've had the assumption would be
that, that was Islamic, that you have to listen to your parents in
that and that was Islamic Islam must be a bad religion, then they
don't look for your happiness. So I'm going to tell the youth here,
that if
you have been traumatized or abused,
and you think it's Islam, then you better find out from somebody else
who is really Islam. It could just be
just somebody selfishness, some other culture or some salt. Don't
blame Islam for it. So easy. shaitaan is there to blame Islam
so that you leave the religion as though you're going to get any
better outsiders? No, these things don't happen everywhere. A lot of
the stuff that happens it happens everywhere. It's not in Islam,
that it happens. Somebody may have told you it's Islamic that you
have to, you know, this is Islam. That's why but that's not what it
is. I've actually checked the one of the some of the main excuses
for people to become atheists. And mostly it's from Christians. And
most of them is because they thought something was
Christianity, whereas it was actually not.
They thought something was Christianity, some abuse, some
weird idea was actually not Christian. Anybody thought it's
Christianity.
Similar thing is happening with Islam.
Okay.
I don't know. There's peer pressure.
That's a big thing. So this is what somebody told me. These are
what some young people told me soon as you get into secondary
school, when you're 12 years old or something, this is what you get
exposed to now.
Music is the first thing, right? So if you're not being mean to
music, now, people are listening to music and they tell you hey,
have you heard that song? Have you heard that? That's the lightest of
it, I think then body parts. They're teenagers. Now there's
adolescents, the
estrogen and testosterone testosterone is mashallah raging,
you probably don't even know it's happening. But that's what it is
when you're 1314 15.
And discussions about body parts sexuality starts taking place
experiences.
boyfriend girlfriend situation that probably starts at 11 Imagine
if you're in all of your friends have you're going to school
non Muslim school for a general regular school, I mean, even in
Muslim schools and but during regular school and three friends,
you have to have them have girlfriends. That's going to be
tough on you. Right that I don't have one. But you have to realize
that this is not correct at this time is a major distraction. It's
haram losing your youth in that and it's not your right time yet.
So that's the second thing, then Subhanallah now Allah protect
there's a discussion about
trying it out with the same gender if I just keep it like that,
especially among girls, is more so among girls because generally
women or girls are closer to their friendships are much tighter and
more intimate to so easy to shape on to lead that way.
Let me tell you, even if you've had an experience, or people have
talked about it, it does not mean that you are actually a
homosexual.
There's one girl, she there was a little encounter, and she got
worried now that she is homosexual. In fact, there's 201
is very happily married and everything is just that because of
the narrative of the view
is that if there's an experience is like you are that? And once you
have that, then you take the whole thing as a religion. That gets
confusing for a lot of people.
Of course, then there's *. That's another one
that I've heard that they actually casually talk about it among
friends.
Some people think, yeah, but yoga is about Korea, and I sub coach
Bata in common.
It's really sad that you're causing yourself harm. It's haram
to do that. Just wait until you get married.
Right? Then * is another one, just one *.
Don't ever get exposed, because your friends
I talked to one kid, he said Al Hamdulillah. My friends aren't
like that. But I know there's others who do that.
It's quite rife, especially if they got the phones. And not just
that, then a lot of the girls really, really get abused here.
Because they are if they want to fit him, or they want to be
something, then they are then pressured to send intimate
pictures of themselves. And you know how bad it is. We got a
question from a woman who's now 2021. She is married to age. And
look at the question. She said that the guy who I mean, who's you
know, prospective spouse, prospective suitor partner. He's
asking if I can send intimate pictures.
Now, I just got shocked. Why did I get shocked? I'm not shocked.
There's people who do this, but that she couldn't say
straightaway, no haram. It might be allowed, but I'm doubtful. So
let me ask,
gee, it must mean that it's so common that there's people who
will think it might be okay. Why would you ask the question? Why
would you just say no man that's haram. Or if you're gonna do it,
like, I don't care anyway. See what I'm saying? Remember, girls
and boys, especially the girls, you put anything out there, you
send it even privately, even on Snapchat.
The Internet never forgets. And there are girls out there with
committed suicide because their pictures went viral.
Right? This is not a joke, believe me, this is your life. You're
messing it up just for to fit him to be, too. So some boy can take
advantage of you by saying hey, man, you're so lovely. And if you
don't send me this, I'm gonna do this.
Get a life. That's not That's not the way to do it. Another thing
they do is you might get somebody who buys you chicken and chips
from you know, when you're coming back from school.
Right? From what you've got loads out here, right? By you chicken
and chips for free on this occasion.
And seeing them for such a long time.
We used to teach together.
So is that okay to tell somebody? How are you in by and it's okay,
right?
Oh, you guys look at me like that.
Let's just to have a little break. So what was I saying? Yeah,
they'll buy you check the value chicken and chips. Like mashallah,
then after about three, four times, they will say, you're gonna
pay me back now. Like, what do you mean? You got it for me for free?
Know, you're gonna have to pay back and the guy is bigger than
you. But there's two of them.
How are you going to pay back? You don't have that kind of money? How
would you pay back?
Okay, we'll find a way for you to pay back. You have to take this
package to that road, like three roads away.
Okay, man, that's easy. So you take a package from the you don't
know what's in there, and you're gonna drop it off to some other
shady looking place. Do you understand? Do you know what
they're telling you to take?
You know that already.
So they make you drug runners. Now when you've done that a few times,
they're gonna say, Well, we're going to tell some we're going to
tell the police that you did this.
Can you see how the small small steps are being taken and you get
blackmailed? Just run a mile straight away. Peer pressure is
big. Peer pressure is very, very big. Especially when you want to
fit in. If you see this is what I'm saying for the parents, if you
don't make them fit in at home, are they comfortable at home and
they fit at home, they're going to find someplace else to fit in.
On a difficult life, we live a difficult life with
all of these stepping stones.
Another thing so hon Allah when you get into secondary school, you
start swearing, because it sounds cool to swear.
You saying that?
Some people you don't you're cool. I'm gonna protect you. Because you
you do rapping don't you?
You do the shields. And sha Allah, that's a good thing. You need a
hobby. See if you guys don't have a hobby, then where do you spend
your time? When you go into second you're gonna have a lot of time
and especially the normal Mugdha you're gonna have a lot of time
where
You're going to spend it wasting time. So if you have a hobby, like
making up poems, doing some artwork, even something as mundane
as that, right going in reading, if you don't want to do studies,
then go and do something interesting. That's a sport, or,
you know, table, whatever it is table tennis, or whatever it is,
make sure you have a hobby, because if you don't have a hobby,
and your shape, the shaytaan will just make you do other things.
Always be strong with the hobby, have the right kind of friends.
That's the first thing. Anytime a friend of yours just says
something weird, or whatever you want to drop that you might be
emotionally, you're going to want to be with that friend. That's
what makes it very difficult. I was a teenager, once I know that
this is what would happen you want to fit in. One thing that we
really need to do as a community. And masjid community and just
general elders of the community is that there's very few things for
Muslim girls to do outside.
There might be for boys, they can play football, but for missing
girls with hijab, etc, there's very few activities
that we really have to think about if you want to say well,
otherwise, they're going to just go online and do all these other
weird activities. So we're gonna have to think of Khaled activities
that they can do a place for Halloween activities, whether that
be indoor football, or whatever it may be, right? Taking swimming
pool, or taking a gym or whatever, you're gonna have to do that
because they can't do it for themselves, then they just gonna
get caught up in everything else, the very important thing.
So I think
Subhanallah I think I'll stop there. I kind of went through most
of the major points. There's a number of other points, but I will
leave it to your questions for now. Just remember shaytan has
been our sworn enemy from the beginning was to mislead us. All
you have to do is just be careful,
especially during your teenage years, and Inshallah, then after
that you will get everything in a halal way. And the parents as
parents, we just need to be aware and attentive and get help sooner
than later. And our young brothers sisters, don't suffer in silence.
Try to get help sooner or later. Right. Don't suffer in silence
really don't suffer. It's just make it worse. Get some help. May
Allah subhanaw taala protect us and guide us back in the day when
Al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil Alameen.
What hobbies and interests would you suggest encouraging for teens?
I talked to him it could be sports. It could be I mean, you
give me some ideas. Let's hear from you guys. What do you think
would be a good hobby?
Football, badminton, basketball, anything besides sports? I think
sports is the easy one. But
really, if they don't like leaving, then would you do
both board games. Okay. Board games. The other thing is I've
seen I've seen some start calligraphy, some might start art,
artwork, drawing things. Some
Come on, give me some ideas.
Painting is another one. So
painting.
Cooking is another one. A lot of people watch Bake Off, but they
never cook anything. So what's the point of what it can make? You
don't even cook something? Like come on at least cook one thing a
week for a bake off? You're going to watch it now how long?
What does the Quran say regarding same * marriages. The Quran
doesn't speak about that as a marriage. But everywhere The Quran
does speak about marriage, it's a man and woman to give a technical
answer. So even in the Hadith as well, there is no validation of
* and same * marriage in Islam. It's haram, the Odom I've
written about it very clearly takes around. Now if somebody
feels that they have same *,
feelings, they may not be punished for that. Because if you can't
help it, then you may not be punished for that. But that does
not but what Islam does not allow is that you act upon it
is people with all sorts of feelings, right? There's people
with all sorts of feelings, but you're only allowed to act on
certain feelings. That's what Islam is. Right? This was recently
asked by a Muslim boy to my nephew who is present today. He was also
told that the Quran doesn't mention it not allowed. See, the
Quran doesn't talk about everything. The Quran talks about
general principles, right? The talk that so don't mean if
somebody's telling you overnight in the Quran. In fact, the Quran
condemns groups that did have homosexual tell you like know how
the slums people and so on. And the Quran actually mentioned
certain punishments as well. Right? So specifically about same
* marriages. The Quran I don't think even says that. I mean,
there's a lot of things that Quran doesn't tell you, for example,
that you have to do
this many Subhan Allah Subhana Allah Allah, Allah subhana labial
Allah in your NAMAs
Order Isha has four cards, and it has the tour cards and then three
records of wizard the Quran doesn't say that. You understand
the Quran is
some for some really general ideas, it gives you guidance, then
the Prophet sallallahu Sallam clarified further. And then our
other Ma, they said there is no validation for same * marriages
in Islam, like not at all.
Yes, online, you will find people arguing for this with half baked
ideas. And that is not what any of the Muslim Alama understood until
now. Okay, how do I make sure that my school friends aren't falling
into the trap of being in the religion? And if they are, what do
I do? I think that's too general a question in the sense that I don't
know which bit are you talking about? So it would depend on which
is the bit that they're falling into? So the main thing, though,
is that just the general answer is that if you see your friends are
falling into a wrong, then it's your job to try to
correct them, guide them in the right way. And how do you do that?
That could be 10 ways of doing that. Don't ever pick the harshest
way, because then you're just going to become like a war. Try to
find like, what do you think will convince them? What can I persuade
them with? Maybe take them up for chicken and chips? And then like,
look, you know, you're doing that it's not right. This is why it's
not right. You shouldn't do that this time. Do you understand? So
try to educate them, in that sense, in the best way possible.
But if you give me more details, then or if you don't get a chance,
go to the mall and Imams or Mahna
Mahna Xin Algemene, seven the other other MA and ask them how
best to do it. You said 30 It starts at a young age. But after
hearing this man, how'd you get across the communication barrier
later on?
Look, I will agree that sometimes there's some children they just
introverted from a young age. I don't have an answer for that.
Like, I'm gonna tell you I don't have an answer for that. There's
some children they just have. They just don't share anything. Maybe
it's a genetic thing. The father doesn't share everything.
I believe in as I can't make judgment, sweeping judgments,
sometimes just to instability in that family. If there's a child
who's doesn't want to share, maybe the father is like that, maybe the
mothers like that they're mitigating. Maybe they're not like
that. That I don't know, you're gonna have to go to a psychologist
for that. I don't know about that. Right? Sometimes it's a, that's
tough just to get through.
And yes, if we've not done therapy, that doesn't mean that,
hey, we have to give up their beard afterwards. That's not what
I mean, either. I'm just saying is difficult. But we have to do our
best. And I think one way is that if we've not done therapy, why
haven't we done therapy? Or maybe we've done it in the wrong way. So
now let's change our strategy. We're gonna have to change our
strategy.
Right? And if we change our strategy, maybe the children will
think, Oh, my parents are different now. So they may start
opening up.
Sometimes what I saw of one person I know is that he used to take
different children on holidays individually, how they like a
short break. So not the whole family, because the whole family
there is a certain environment and a certain environment of the whole
family is a day, one daughter. So he gets to three days, you know,
going and doing fun things talking as well, then it takes another one
there another one, I think that's really good. So it's you don't
have to take a holiday, you can just go out somewhere, right? Take
him to for a meal together. Like okay, you know, you've done well,
let me take you doesn't have to be the whole family. That may be one
way to change the scene can be creative other ways as well. If
anybody else knows how else to do that, please let me know as well.
I'm not an expert on this.
I've written a book on marriage, by the way. Why? Because I've been
married for over 23 years of hamdulillah with stability
Hamdulillah. And I've dealt with people that have been dealing with
people's issues for over 20 years, I thought, Okay, I think I'm
qualified to write a book on marriage.
Right? Because I mean, you know, but I don't feel qualified yet to
write a book on bringing up children.
And waiting for my eldest to 23 and 22, get married and then be
settled for two years. Then I say, okay, maybe I've done something
right now, so I can write a book.
And is that because it's difficult? I don't know
everything. But so if you have a good idea, please let me know. And
please let us know, as well.
What is your biggest regret as a teenager?
Good question. To be honest, I don't have a regret. I think I did
everything and more. There's only one regret I have, which is that
why didn't my teachers make me memorize more stuff and there's
academic stuff until there's you may be boring for you. But 100 I
had the best teachers but they didn't make me memorize like the
old scholars used to do. That's the only regret I've got.
Seriously. That's the only regret I got no other complaints. Right,
but that's my only regret and no other regret.
It's, I had a wonderful teenage life Hamdulillah I was sent at the
age of 11 have two mothers I cried for about two months because I was
missing home. My mom cried for a month as well, but I never wanted
to leave. But but you know you miss it and darling in those days
was mashallah a different world. Right? It was a tough world, I had
to wash my own clothes. But I don't regret the I think it helped
me survive and get around. Do you understand it helped me survive, I
had to wash my own clothes at the age of 12. That he, what we do is
we get a bucket, we put the clothes in a water and detergent
and soak them. And you're only supposed to soak them for like a
day or something. Sometimes you forget, you come back after three
days. And it's smelly, because you've forgotten.
I used to come home only four times a year.
But handle I think that's what made me who I am today that I can
go anywhere in the world, man. You know, you're savvy about it. I
don't regret anything Hamdulillah.
And I hope you don't as well. Okay, what do you do if you're 16
years old, but don't want to pray? What do you do if your 16 year old
doesn't want to pray Salaat
I think maybe change the tact of why you've told her to pray. I
gave a little example that might not work with a 16 year old. But
think of some other way. Think of some other way.
I had one kid in our madrasa
is from another very religious family. And I'd say look you
better pre Joomla at least pre Joomla.
And Joomla means taking out of school and all of that stuff. And
parents were not necessarily very supportive. So one day I took
further alarm and I read the benefits of solid. Then the other
day we read about the punishments of missing salads. Now that got
him going. Do you understand? So sometimes the carrot works and
sometimes the stick works. Sometimes you just need
psychology, Allah or tea comes to somebody else to listen, there's a
lot of good. There's a lot of good. Would you call it lectures
on the benefits of salats. So find a good lecture or a book. In fact,
there's a book that is one of the Subhan has written it's called Why
I pray I think we have some copies, right why I pray Let them
read them or read them to them. They don't want to read and make a
lot of dua i but it is to us that we should all as parents
continuously read I've seen the blessing of it I think
first of all is rubbish I'll name Okema solidarity one mill Realty
rubella, what compelled to act in turn isn't very diverse, an ID
number somebody likes I can announce it so they can find it.
Rather than me. Oh Allah make me have the establishes of the
prayer.
And from my descendants, that means until the Day of Judgment,
you're making dua for everybody that will come from you. subcon
Namazi Bernardo
our Lord, the cobbled water coupled or accept our doors, if
somebody can tell me the chapter and verse number, the swing, I
will I will announce it because I forgotten that's one door. Right?
You've seen that I've found a huge benefit in this.
Along with our other things, number two Robina habla nominee as
YG now whether Reott Kurata Aryan what your unknown in Malta, Tina
Eema. Our Lord grant us from our spouses and our descendants, our
children and descendants, those that will gladly on our site
and make us the Imams of the righteous ones. What do you mean
make us Imams? Basically, I understand that you all are Imams,
do you know how your Imams
you know if I take you as an example, I'll give it to us as
well. But can I take you as an example. You have grandchildren,
or children?
Children, you have grandchildren.
So, you know those grandchildren of yours and your children.
They're not your brothers. They're not your sisters. They are your
children. They are very your children, nobody else then they
will have children. So your grandchildren see you as the
grandfather. Right? And they will just multiply
the all from you. Does that make you feel better? Yeah, it's all
your grandchildren. Right Subhanallah you're the Imam of
them.
It's what you do in your household that will
give them the environment your children will take I've seen you
know in had you get to see many people and in troubles in Hydra,
you know you're going with 300 people I see one guy just stands
out from the rest. He's got some IG character, a jeep, a HELOC or
some special quality again talking to him and I find out that
mashallah somewhere up there. He had some bazooka.
He had some righteous person as a grandparent. The effect is going
to be there. Your piety will affect your generations and this
dog
It is such a magical door. The automat says that if you read
this, then if there's something that bothers you about your
spouse, and maybe children as well, then either Allah will
eliminate to that. Or if it's just the bother something and it's not
haram, then you'll get used to it and you won't bother you anymore.
But you have to make an effort to change it as well. So yeah, do you
got it? 14 surah and 39. Okay, so 1439 Okay, 1439. And the next
door, I mentioned that from certain Furqan, first 70 for
certain for conversation, learn these doors and read them over and
over again,
multiple times, other
family oriented retreats and programs, I found them to be quite
useful for somewhere, see what happens, right? It's the
psychology of it. Some children, they think it's only their family
who are like this. They are Muslim in that particular way. They have
not seen Islam practice by other families. So what then happens is
that,
for example, I know one girl, she was doing a demo class locally and
was half hearted about it. Then they sent her to another madrasah
boarding mothers have a two for one year, like just go forward
didn't want to go just go for one year. She went no, no, I want to
do it the next year. So I want to finish off there. She saw others a
different style, a different technique, and others also. So
it's not just my family don't do this or my little area. Sometimes
you just need to see others doing it. Keep that as an ally, you just
need to see others, if you can have family retreats, right, where
there's something for the adult women, they see other adult women,
and it's all Islamic lectures specifically for them. There's one
for example in December that I'm going to be attending in
Nottingham. So they have for the adults separate men and women they
have for teenagers separate program. So when you with other
teenagers mashallah, you know, that helps to broaden the scope of
Islam, hey, there's other Muslims out there, and you can have a
collaborative, so sometimes just psychologically just too confined.
Anything that is just my family.
The stuff we have fall solely on the mother or father as well, it
looks like the father is not involved here in this one. That's
why it falls on both. Ultimately, it will be the father though, you
have to remember that.
That's why they both need to do it. But ultimately, the
questioning isn't going to lead more than the father than the
mother because he is in Islamically. He is the head of the
house not as a dictator, but the one responsible. So remember that.
Will society no with society being so fierce and so many
distractions? How does one balance Islam parenting and doing what you
can to create Islamic setting
but then school college and teach the opposite. That's the balance I
was talking about being aware.
Having the home to be a good refuge, a good place to be a
comfortable place to come back to so that you go university if you
have to or wherever you go, you'll come back because there's an
enjoyable place to come as a sanctuary that you finally
see what I'm saying that you don't have to stick out with other
people stay out and do that just making that home that place That's
the short answer I guess.
I am struggling with my salad. can you advise where to start? I find
hard to make what do you know this is a big topic. Why do you find a
different piece a lot? It's not as simple as okay, just go and pray.
Salat is the biggest pillar and one of the biggest issues biggest
expressions of Islam. If you're finding it difficult Salah is
probably because there's some other things which are not right.
Which has created a blockage Allah says in the Quran colourable Rana
either couldn't be him but tava Allahu Allah could obey Him. Allah
seal their hearts. This is sign of Louis man if you go to some some
academy.com. I've got a talk on the on low Eman. Right listen to
that. And we've given cures on this. Yes, I see that the time is
getting along. And this will be another one. I'll be on that
subject. But it's probably because of low Iman that one of the signs
of low Eman is that you don't even feel like doing good.
That's what's going on here. So how would you snap out of that?
When the good thing is that Hamdulillah that you're worried?
That's beautiful. Always keep a window open. So now what you start
doing is you start reading more about Salatin the benefits you'll
get also try to incentivize your salads. Go and read on like, what
are the benefits of salad? And we'll do for example, and try to
encourage yourself that way. Go and try to pray with somebody
else. group efforts are always better because you were a girl,
you know going find somebody else you can pray together with
not jump out necessarily, but just at least together, find a friend
that you will hear. Let's start praying. So that's just some
practical ideas.
Somebody asked me in school when I was doing what do why do we purify
our bodies when only a pure heart is required in solids? You know,
this question is a false question. The premise is incorrect. It is
not correct to say that you only need a pure heart in solid.
You actually do need a pure body to present yourself. You're a
smelly person, you're going to present yourself in a
rhetorical question the Queen invited you probably isn't going
to but if she does, you're gonna go there will smelly I guess,
right? Because you just need a pure you're going to tell her you
know what, I've got a pure heart. You're gonna go for your
interview. Like I've got to pick just don't look at the way I do
everything else.
Like come on, like Bill coffee or what? Like, can you not see a
messed up question when you see it?
Like, just just tell him what do you mean a pure heart? Like,
aren't we more than a heart? Yes, the heart governs everything. But
if you're not clean outside, it means you don't have a pure heart.
Let me say that. Purity is half of our faith. And you've got a pure
heart. You want to be pure. You got a problem with voodoo and not
be pure, then that means there's some there's some guy over there.
Sorry, I gotta be heated there. But come on. Think about it.
Yes, a pure heart. But we get a pure heart in salatu salam, but
the one thing we can do is get purified. The place has to be
clean. Right? Because Allah who is the king of the worlds who is the
creator wants us to express ourselves in a pure way. And you
know, whenever we want to be dignified and respect somebody, we
purify ourselves, we take a shower. We try not to show
disheveled clothing. Right. All of that is human understanding.
That's what social requirements show so why not with Allah? Why do
we treat Allah as lower than anybody else that hey, just have a
pure hearts. This whole idea that it's only a pure heart, that's
important. You don't have to really pray because you've got a
pure heart. That's a silly idea.
That's a messed up heart. I think
you should tell him I mean, he said, What should I unsay saying
look, if I break up logically your question you're trying to say that
you only need a god? Can you tell me where you're getting the idea
from? What's the proof that you only need a pure heart? Challenge
that question, then explain to them that actually Islam requires
the purity of the whole self?
Is there anyone you can talk to about your problems? Okay, so in
sha Allah, you're going to get a helpline soon. Is a big demand.
A big responsibility now.
Please let everyone know.
For ladies only boxing every Wednesday at 787 to 815 Martial
Law boxing of everything. Wow. What are you guys doing?
Out of all the sports you found boxing the most controversial
sport out there? I don't know man. Is that like protection against
the husband or self protection or what I don't know where is this
happening?
I mean, they didn't tell us where it's happening.
I thought it was a masjid thing.
How can you instead of boxing do jujitsu something like that? Do
grappling with discipline. Yeah, it's the avoid the face. I think
our brother Habib one of the reasons that he stopped and used
to do more grappling even in his mixed martial arts is because
you're not allowed to hit the face. And boxing is more about the
face. I did kickboxing for a year but I never beat anybody's face
up.
We'll just these would you call them the bags?
It was just to keep fit to try to keep it how can you concentrate in
southern fully focused on when it's so hard? I've got a
I've got a lecture on the on zamakona specifically that in
chalet and find those I'm just hurry up because we've got too
many questions to answer. How do you maintain Dean for the
teenagers they have a mind of their own you're trying your best
with a balance your youth?
I mean, that's what this talk is about. Right? Maybe they sent
these questions in the middle of the talk. What is the ruling on
phones,
phones 104 Halal things and haram for haram things. What age it
really depends. I would probably say what do you guys think? What's
the appropriate age for the children to have a phone if you
have to give it to them? What do you think?
By 15 I would agree with you probably all 15 Plus, mashallah,
you're onto it, man. I think about 15 Plus, I think that's probably
when it's okay.
What age should you give your child a phone? Okay, there you go.
He says if so, what type of phone smartphone or a Nokia type phone
if you can get away with a Nokia time hamdulillah a lot of people
are very happy. If you can get away with it, even adults, but
it's difficult nowadays. That's why you know, I believe that
technology is
only gonna get bigger and more complicated and more
virtual and realistic, and so on. So banning things is not going to
be the way it's going to be about discipline and how you use these
things.
You know, soon I won't have to come here.
Right? I could be lecturing somewhere else. And literally, you
will see me he has a hologram. The technology already exists, it's
just not been pulled out. There's not been, you know, pushed out.
But eventually, you know, you will see me here interacting with you
like this, but I won't be here.
Right? It's already ageless. So are we going to keep saying ban
ban ban is impossible, we live in
this, you call it this?
This, this sphere, of within the sphere of technology of the media,
you can't avoid it. So it's about disciplining ourselves of how to
do it.
Right. And there's a lot more in a way, nowhere yet, in terms of
what's going to happen. Atheism is a big challenge in the EU via
social media should probably step up the learning of the D
Absolutely. Because how you're gonna respond to your children if
they ask questions. So you know, those home discussions that you're
gonna have those three discussions, you're gonna have to
take that as a
opportunity to learn yourself.
This is a big problem that we have, how many of you? Right Like,
honestly, like how many of you of us here have read a book on Islam
after McTell?
How many of you have read any book on Islam after you've been to
maktab?
Right, that's about what 1015 people out of.
So that means when you're a little kid doing madrasah
after I've never read a book on Islam, do you understand? We read
in mcta, which we needed at that time, but we read it with a
child's mind. We understood Islam. After that whatever we know about
Islam is maybe from Juma Beyonce, or from what people you hear. But
you've never looked at the Hadith or Quran directly for yourself at
Tallinn is one thing right? It's good. But this is like you took it
up and you read it. I think everybody should read the book
especially if you want to explain Islam to others that is called a
thinking Person's Guide to Islam.
It's one of the best modern books on Islam you'll be surprised at
the discussion in and what you will learn I benefit from even
though I've been studying some such along because the way he puts
it across, right? Number two, how many of you have taken a class on
Islam? on anything related a hadith class, a Tafseer class, a
thicker class or any other class our kingdom class after you left
madressa meaning after you were 1213? So how many?
Very few? Why that your religion? Should you know more about it? Or
is it enough that you just hear stuff? See what I'm saying? Very
few people continue to learn.
So if you want other ways to do it is take it easy GitHub, get some
suggestions from Alana, right, that what GitHub should be do
Talim from and then you read it at home and you learn from it don't
get complicated books like that will confuse you get easy ones.
And then after that what you do is whenever you have an issue market
and then ask but that way, mashallah you will get through
quite a bit and it'd be a very good learning process and very
useful. Yes.
Said, like, if,
when you go to secondary, you usually get girlfriend boyfriend,
but not in Islam, not as high love. It's not as bad as her and
yet
it allowed in Islam for you to have a goal as a friend, or for a
girl to avoid as a friend Justin. Okay, so that's a good simple
question is that what is the gender interaction in Islam? So
you are not allowed to have a friend? What does it mean by
friend freedom means that you get too casual. Because friends are
casual, right? You get intimate and casual. So you can't be doing
high fives and you know just casual banter, because there's
what happens with that is that eventually leads to other things
and that's not allowed. However, that does not mean that you can't
on a project, for example, to like have a formal conversation. You're
allowed to have a formal conversation.
And
I give you an example there's a masjid
where a somebody brought a woman to become a Muslim. This was maybe
between us and Mongolia, but between us Ohana and us and there
was some brothers
that were there in the masjid.
And they bought her game is called Kalima. Purana need to give her
the Karima some no no there's no women here right now. Going to
take her to somebody's this person's house.
Now that's incorrect.
They acted as if they've never spoken to a woman in their life.
Like if you have to call up Vodafone, and there's a woman
there No, no. Can you give me a man please? Right? Or they go to
the doctor's surgery and there's a female receptionist. You go to Dr.
Julius surgery is a female receptionist. Now not only going
to talk to Jimmy himself,
and certainly Curtin, formally, but gave you in India, you go into
the kitchen as well. In some of these families, the kitchen upon
Jatin nothing. That's right. But formal discussion is allowed. They
should have given her the Kadima because if they didn't, I don't
think she died. But if she died before she took the day would have
been Can you believe your died on cover?
So some people is extreme view about this get
everything related to Islam? No, you can't. But it is okay. It's
okay to talk about talk. So you have to remember formal discussion
is allowed. But anything beyond that is not allowed. So you can
have a casual like, Hey, how's it going? And you know, because that
leads to other things. So there's no, we don't encourage that at
all. I think it's very important. And I Hamdulillah I think so it's
very important for parents, for members of the community, to get
involved in schools, and other official establishments, not just
schools, I think we need to go much further so that we can have a
voice there. Because if they don't know what the Muslim requirements
are Muslim demands, then somebody else is going to make that demand.
And then handed I think things are changing 20 years ago, the law
would pass, then you'd get upset. And then it's like, why did they
pass this law? Now, I think they're getting involved a bit
earlier that when the white paper comes out, and the consultation,
we will be getting there. But I think we need to go even further.
We need to be there making the law as part of the process. Right? I
think that's very important. Now, of course, everybody can't do
that. But we do need like, I'll give you an idea. We just don't
think we let Palestine be bombed. And then we'll send hundreds and
millions in rebuilding. But we don't think about pre empting it.
There's some campaigns, you know, and like your MPs campaigning
before, help them in their causes, so that they will vote against,
you know, and so on. There's one of our
cousin communities, right, where they have one of the scholars who
is paid literally, like imagine you get Mallanna how Harun
Mahna Mahna Zainal suppose somebody, you just pay him a
salary.
24 30,000 Whatever your job is, just to campaign, your job is to
just have meetings and represent us. We don't think that far. All
you have to do is 30 mustards of London 1000 a year.
That's it, that's all it is. Mosquito each other 2000 Wherever
it's worth it. Just say all of new is all the machines in new, we're
just going to somebody that's their job is to represent Islam,
they're gonna go and give talks to you're gonna go meet schools,
Governor's School authorities, NHS, all of that, you know,
that's, it's just why don't we think about it like that? Why
wait?
Are we part of this community? Aren't we British? I'm very proud
British. Right? Hamdulillah. In England, one thing we have is that
if you go to France, many of our North African brothers and
sisters, they look more French than we look British, but they
hate being French. Whereas Alhamdulillah we're fine with
being British, like, okay, and that's what we are. We don't even
have to prove it. We don't even have to go on about it.
But then you're gonna have to take part in the process. So I think
there's really we need to think about this. Right? It's a simple
idea, just one or 2000 pounds a year. And you know, for each
person, that let's find somebody who can do that work for us.
Otherwise people have to volunteer and they're struggling themselves
and they do it for a short time and then they can't do it, and
it's just wrong.
So Allah subhanaw taala accept. Thanks for sitting here so
patiently Jazak Allah here for listening. May Allah subhanho wa
Taala bless you. And if you're finding this useful, you know,
as they say to that like button and subscribe button and forwarded
on to others, just like hello here and Salaam Alaikum Warahmatullahi
Wabarakatuh