Abdur Rahman ibn Yusuf Mangera – Etiquette for Women in the Workplace
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The emotional bonds that come with working with other men and women lead to a better relationship, and it is important for women to be comfortable in their work environment. The success of a project leads to a "immediate bond" that lasts for a long time, and avoiding being alone in certain situations is important. The speaker advises against being alone with a member of the opposite gender in the same place and to avoid giving a message that one is not interested, as it may lead to a contingency plan for work events.
AI: Summary ©
Tips on conduct of Muslim women in the workplace. Actually, this is
something I've been thinking about for the last week as well, not
particularly in relationship to women, but in relationship to
anybody in the workplace, because
the workplace obviously provides quite a bit of a challenge. I'm
not going to go into detail, I'm not going to go into the
discussion about why you're there in the first place. Because that
in itself has its own discussion about whether it's permissible or
justified or correct. However, if you are in the workplace to then
to make it into a better situation, there are several
things that we need to be considering here. First and
foremost, I think, from a Muslim woman perspective, and you know,
from a Muslim man's perspective, but we're talking to women here.
So from a Muslim woman perspective, the whole modest
attire needs to be really considered and thought about very
carefully. I got a call some time ago about a woman who used to who
who does wear, I hope, she still does proper hijab and,
and flowing Robo Jubo, whatever you want. ibuyer however, you want
to define that. And now that she had finished studying and her
training, she had to go to work. So now her first question is that
do I have to wear my bio, can I change into other types of
clothing. So you can clearly tell from this, that there's a pressure
that wants you to conform, conform to certain things. That's why the
choice of where you go, and where you work is very, very important.
Wherever you are, though, it's always, you know, better to do
less to have less harms, and less sinful behavior and attire, than
it is to have more of course, so we talk about it in a mitigating
fashion. So I think number one is that attire, that's very
important. Number two, is interaction.
Because you're working so closely with others, sometimes what we've
seen is that there'll be men and women who will actually work with
other men and women. So a man or husband who will work with other
women, as you know, somebody he's either training with, or somebody
he's working with. Likewise, with women, you have the same kind of
thing, that there are people that you work with, at work very
closely on the same kind of project. And when it comes to
projects, then there's obviously, some projects are successful, some
projects have challenges. In order to deal with challenges, there's a
certain mindset and emotion that's required. When you're
collaborating with others, then you start to bond together,
because you start you have to think together, right, you have to
pull your, your ideas together. And you have to think, you know,
like one another to try to come up with a solution. What all of that
does as human beings is that that creates an emotional bond between
the people as well, in order to, for them to become successful in
their particular project. And to achieve their goal. It obviously
brings people together. Likewise, when there's a failure, then you
comfort one another about the failure, it's okay, don't worry
about it. These are very emotional ones, what they do is they
actually reveal your personality a lot. So when you're working very
close together, your personality is revealed. When your personality
is revealed, then there are some things which will put off other
people. And there are obviously other things which will attract
other people. So now, depending on what a person is already used to
at home, or in his in his or her previous or current life
elsewhere, then obviously they're going to start making certain
comparisons. And they're going to start thinking, Okay, this is
better than what I have, this is worse than what I have, but if
it's better than what you have. And that's a lot of quality time
because people are at their freshest generally in the morning.
And as they go through the day, by the time they come back from home,
then they're totally, they're tired. So essentially, what's
happening in many families is that they're spending some of the most
productive and quality time where that which they're dressed for
which they're prepared for, with others with strangers. And when
they come home, they're very tired to do anything else. Right? So
then that doesn't really help the marital relationship. And a lot of
people actually start to form relationships at work, even if
that just starts off initially as kind of a nice butterfly, a
butterfly feeling in your stomach relationship, a flirty
relationship. There's a lot of people because we get the we get
this information from you know, either themselves who say that
this is what I do, or from the spouses who tell us that this is
actually what's going on. Whereas the spouse that's actually
involved, right, they just think that it's a bit of harmless
is fun, it just gives them a bit of excitement, we're not going to
go all the way, what this is nothing serious. This is what they
say to try to justify it. But this is exactly where Sheikh shaytaan
is, this is what shaytaan will then manipulate and take advantage
of. And it will, then it can then become something quite quickly.
And then after that the deception begins, the cheating begins, dual
personality or split personality comes up, there's emotional
problems that take place afterwards. And, and so on, it
just causes a massive problem. So that's why what Islam says is that
if you ever are in a situation where you have to speak,
especially for women to speak to the opposite *, or the opposite
gender, then try not to have any kind of soft and alert, alluring
speech that you use, but try to speak in a kind of a very, you
don't have to speak in a unusually harsh tone. That's not what it
means that you have to then speak like some kind of wild person. But
at the same time, it says that you shouldn't speak in other instance,
should be very, very,
very upfront, very upfront, and very, would you call it firm, and
very formal, I think that's what it is, they generally say that you
have to be very professional in this kind of relationships in
these kinds of settings professional, you don't be
personal, I think this is this is very important. The other thing is
that, as far as possible, you have to avoid being alone with a member
of the opposite gender in the same place. Because that's just the
Haram, that's just not allowed, because the third person is
shaytaan. And I know that that's not always easy to do. So what you
what some of the ideas that you can use is that you can say I'm a
bit cluster throw, but can we leave the door open, please?
Right. So that way, what happens is that you've got the door open,
so at least it's a bit more public than it is intimate. So all of
these kinds of things work. And as soon as you see that, there's
somebody who's kind of going beyond, you must not take the
cues, because what happens is that sometimes somebody may some say
something in jest or casually, the other person may say something
casually, and you say something very casually back, and then what
what happens in your mind is that you think that the other person is
interested. So then use if you say something back, then they think
you're interested. And then after they see they, they just, they
just ratchet it up a notch higher. And then after eventually you've
gone, you know, you get to a place where it's a no return. Because
you've you've allowed yourself to build it up to that you've broken
the taboo. These are human beings, I mean, once you've broken a taboo
with somebody, it's very difficult to regain it, then you have to use
much more
intense measures, and that sometimes you're too shy or
embarrassed to do. So you just don't want to get into that.
Because sometimes it could just be a a whirlpool, where you just get
deeper and deeper very, very quickly. That's why you just have
to keep it very formal from the beginning. Once you if you see
that you may be making a mistake and maybe a slippery slope slope,
then you just have to next next day next time, you just have to
really make it formal. So you give a message that I'm not interested,
right? I'm not interested, all right, already as a Muslim, if
you're tied in a particular way, right? The generally people lay
off. But then if you're going to try to overcompensate for the way
you're dressed by your behavior by being extra friendly, by being
extra, you know, informal, right, or expressing your emotions, a lot
of being loud and brash, and whatever the case is, then
obviously, again, you're you're sending the
wrong message. So it's quite a complicated kind of tight road
exercise, because it's not the right situation to be in in the
first place. We're just trying to find the best solution for
somebody who's already in that situation. So that's why it's
difficult. Right? So hopefully, that's,
of course, then everything else. I mean, I think the biggest issue is
obviously the gender relationship. Alright. And of course, then after
that, everything else that comes in, which applies to both genders,
which is, you know, making sure that you still can do your salaat
and your worship. Obviously, for women, that's much easier because
they don't have to do judo, for example, which is one of the big
challenges for, for, for guys to get time off work for that. But
then, of course, there's other challenges where you may have to
pray and you you finish your impurity period. During that time,
you have to have a contingency plan for that to make sure that
you know where the closest bathroom is, right? If there's not
one at work, then what are you going to do because in winter,
there's lots of prayers and you go to work and then you're finishing,
then you've got the harasser and Maghrib to do so there's a number
of these factors that you have to plan for and prepare for. And if
there's somebody who maybe can
put some of these things down, and maybe you know, we can even and
then let me
You know, and then you know, through zum zum academy.com. And
maybe we can actually
turn this into like a little leaflet or a little booklet or
something like that to help women who are in the workforce, because
I know that this is something that's increasingly happening,
right.
But again, I'm not here to discuss the healer and the hormone of the
in the first place. I'm just trying to see what the best that
we can do in that situation.