Abdur Rahman ibn Yusuf Mangera – Etiquette for Women in the Workplace

Tips on conduct of Muslim women in the workplace. Actually, this is

something I've been thinking about for the last week as well, not

particularly in relationship to women, but in relationship to

anybody in the workplace, because

the workplace obviously provides quite a bit of a challenge. I'm

not going to go into detail, I'm not going to go into the

discussion about why you're there in the first place. Because that

in itself has its own discussion about whether it's permissible or

justified or correct. However, if you are in the workplace to then

to make it into a better situation, there are several

things that we need to be considering here. First and

foremost, I think, from a Muslim woman perspective, and you know,

from a Muslim man's perspective, but we're talking to women here.

So from a Muslim woman perspective, the whole modest

attire needs to be really considered and thought about very

carefully. I got a call some time ago about a woman who used to who

who does wear, I hope, she still does proper hijab and,

and flowing Robo Jubo, whatever you want. ibuyer however, you want

to define that. And now that she had finished studying and her

training, she had to go to work. So now her first question is that

do I have to wear my bio, can I change into other types of

clothing. So you can clearly tell from this, that there's a pressure

that wants you to conform, conform to certain things. That's why the

choice of where you go, and where you work is very, very important.

Wherever you are, though, it's always, you know, better to do

less to have less harms, and less sinful behavior and attire, than

it is to have more of course, so we talk about it in a mitigating

fashion. So I think number one is that attire, that's very

important. Number two, is interaction.

Because you're working so closely with others, sometimes what we've

seen is that there'll be men and women who will actually work with

other men and women. So a man or husband who will work with other

women, as you know, somebody he's either training with, or somebody

he's working with. Likewise, with women, you have the same kind of

thing, that there are people that you work with, at work very

closely on the same kind of project. And when it comes to

projects, then there's obviously, some projects are successful, some

projects have challenges. In order to deal with challenges, there's a

certain mindset and emotion that's required. When you're

collaborating with others, then you start to bond together,

because you start you have to think together, right, you have to

pull your, your ideas together. And you have to think, you know,

like one another to try to come up with a solution. What all of that

does as human beings is that that creates an emotional bond between

the people as well, in order to, for them to become successful in

their particular project. And to achieve their goal. It obviously

brings people together. Likewise, when there's a failure, then you

comfort one another about the failure, it's okay, don't worry

about it. These are very emotional ones, what they do is they

actually reveal your personality a lot. So when you're working very

close together, your personality is revealed. When your personality

is revealed, then there are some things which will put off other

people. And there are obviously other things which will attract

other people. So now, depending on what a person is already used to

at home, or in his in his or her previous or current life

elsewhere, then obviously they're going to start making certain

comparisons. And they're going to start thinking, Okay, this is

better than what I have, this is worse than what I have, but if

it's better than what you have. And that's a lot of quality time

because people are at their freshest generally in the morning.

And as they go through the day, by the time they come back from home,

then they're totally, they're tired. So essentially, what's

happening in many families is that they're spending some of the most

productive and quality time where that which they're dressed for

which they're prepared for, with others with strangers. And when

they come home, they're very tired to do anything else. Right? So

then that doesn't really help the marital relationship. And a lot of

people actually start to form relationships at work, even if

that just starts off initially as kind of a nice butterfly, a

butterfly feeling in your stomach relationship, a flirty

relationship. There's a lot of people because we get the we get

this information from you know, either themselves who say that

this is what I do, or from the spouses who tell us that this is

actually what's going on. Whereas the spouse that's actually

involved, right, they just think that it's a bit of harmless

is fun, it just gives them a bit of excitement, we're not going to

go all the way, what this is nothing serious. This is what they

say to try to justify it. But this is exactly where Sheikh shaytaan

is, this is what shaytaan will then manipulate and take advantage

of. And it will, then it can then become something quite quickly.

And then after that the deception begins, the cheating begins, dual

personality or split personality comes up, there's emotional

problems that take place afterwards. And, and so on, it

just causes a massive problem. So that's why what Islam says is that

if you ever are in a situation where you have to speak,

especially for women to speak to the opposite *, or the opposite

gender, then try not to have any kind of soft and alert, alluring

speech that you use, but try to speak in a kind of a very, you

don't have to speak in a unusually harsh tone. That's not what it

means that you have to then speak like some kind of wild person. But

at the same time, it says that you shouldn't speak in other instance,

should be very, very,

very upfront, very upfront, and very, would you call it firm, and

very formal, I think that's what it is, they generally say that you

have to be very professional in this kind of relationships in

these kinds of settings professional, you don't be

personal, I think this is this is very important. The other thing is

that, as far as possible, you have to avoid being alone with a member

of the opposite gender in the same place. Because that's just the

Haram, that's just not allowed, because the third person is

shaytaan. And I know that that's not always easy to do. So what you

what some of the ideas that you can use is that you can say I'm a

bit cluster throw, but can we leave the door open, please?

Right. So that way, what happens is that you've got the door open,

so at least it's a bit more public than it is intimate. So all of

these kinds of things work. And as soon as you see that, there's

somebody who's kind of going beyond, you must not take the

cues, because what happens is that sometimes somebody may some say

something in jest or casually, the other person may say something

casually, and you say something very casually back, and then what

what happens in your mind is that you think that the other person is

interested. So then use if you say something back, then they think

you're interested. And then after they see they, they just, they

just ratchet it up a notch higher. And then after eventually you've

gone, you know, you get to a place where it's a no return. Because

you've you've allowed yourself to build it up to that you've broken

the taboo. These are human beings, I mean, once you've broken a taboo

with somebody, it's very difficult to regain it, then you have to use

much more

intense measures, and that sometimes you're too shy or

embarrassed to do. So you just don't want to get into that.

Because sometimes it could just be a a whirlpool, where you just get

deeper and deeper very, very quickly. That's why you just have

to keep it very formal from the beginning. Once you if you see

that you may be making a mistake and maybe a slippery slope slope,

then you just have to next next day next time, you just have to

really make it formal. So you give a message that I'm not interested,

right? I'm not interested, all right, already as a Muslim, if

you're tied in a particular way, right? The generally people lay

off. But then if you're going to try to overcompensate for the way

you're dressed by your behavior by being extra friendly, by being

extra, you know, informal, right, or expressing your emotions, a lot

of being loud and brash, and whatever the case is, then

obviously, again, you're you're sending the

wrong message. So it's quite a complicated kind of tight road

exercise, because it's not the right situation to be in in the

first place. We're just trying to find the best solution for

somebody who's already in that situation. So that's why it's

difficult. Right? So hopefully, that's,

of course, then everything else. I mean, I think the biggest issue is

obviously the gender relationship. Alright. And of course, then after

that, everything else that comes in, which applies to both genders,

which is, you know, making sure that you still can do your salaat

and your worship. Obviously, for women, that's much easier because

they don't have to do judo, for example, which is one of the big

challenges for, for, for guys to get time off work for that. But

then, of course, there's other challenges where you may have to

pray and you you finish your impurity period. During that time,

you have to have a contingency plan for that to make sure that

you know where the closest bathroom is, right? If there's not

one at work, then what are you going to do because in winter,

there's lots of prayers and you go to work and then you're finishing,

then you've got the harasser and Maghrib to do so there's a number

of these factors that you have to plan for and prepare for. And if

there's somebody who maybe can

put some of these things down, and maybe you know, we can even and

then let me

You know, and then you know, through zum zum academy.com. And

maybe we can actually

turn this into like a little leaflet or a little booklet or

something like that to help women who are in the workforce, because

I know that this is something that's increasingly happening,

right.

But again, I'm not here to discuss the healer and the hormone of the

in the first place. I'm just trying to see what the best that

we can do in that situation.