Abdur Rahman ibn Yusuf Mangera – Essentials of Islamic Spirituality- How to Speak Less
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The speakers discuss the negative impact of language on the body and mind and the potential consequences of hypnotism. They suggest reducing speech to a common goal and reducing the habit of nonsensical discussion to reduce speech will be most beneficial. The speakers also mention the benefits of silence, including the transformation of one's body into a pearl, and suggest seeking forgiveness for those who do not do well. They also mention a course on Islamic essentials and encourage listeners to take longer lectures to become more aware of their deen desired from them.
AI: Summary ©
I remember when I was studying in Syria,
I used to have to go through the
souk Hamidiya, which is the main souk, very
classical old covered souk.
You had to go through that, that was
the shortest way from where the taxi dropped
you off to get to Jamia Umayyad.
And there's this guy on the right hand
side towards the end and he used to,
I don't know what he said, there was
this expression all day, you would be selling
these clothes.
And there's this expression, everybody knew him in
the market for making that statement.
I don't even, I can't remember, but it's
like all day long he is making that
expression, all day long.
I don't know what he's saying, it's this
weird word, just keep saying it.
Some people do that to kind of become
known and associate themselves with a certain product.
And we were discussing speaking less, and he
was discussing how easy it is to speak
and say things and get carried away.
And then he says necessary speech is fine.
Did we discuss explanation of necessary?
What is necessary speech?
Necessary here means a need that if refrained
from will result in harm.
So you shouldn't then say, whoever stayed silent,
saved himself, so somebody's going to go to
their death, I shouldn't say anything.
Like why should I get involved for?
Therefore, if by refraining from a certain conversation,
the result is some worldly or religious harm,
then such talk will be necessary.
So not just a religious harm, but even
a worldly harm that you're causing somebody, and
somebody's going to go to their detriment, then
you should speak.
An example of necessary talk is the conversation
that a trader has with customers in order
to promote his sales.
As long as you're not lying, and not
overdoing it, and not giving false guarantees.
I got a call this morning from a
person who was asking about a particular form
of speech manipulation, where you use certain language,
certain words, certain expressions, while making certain gestures.
What that does is that that is seen
to psychologically motivate somebody to consider you, for
example, to be an authority, that you're trying
to sell your service.
Or to encourage them to buy the product.
It's just certain psycholinguistic words that you use,
which hit at the right time, in an
emotional way, and it makes them loosen up
and buy something from you.
Does anybody remember what it's called?
I forget what it's called.
Neurolinguistic programming, you said?
Yeah.
Neurolinguistic, so NLP, Neurolinguistic Programming.
So he's asking whether that's So I said
there's nothing wrong with it, as long as
you're not being deceptive.
It's just the memes.
It's just the efficient memes.
It's just the tried and tested memes.
It's just balagha.
It's just that part of speech is magical.
If you figure out ways to convince people,
that's great, as long as you're not convincing
them of the wrong thing.
As long as you're not deceiving them, as
long as you're not forcing them to buy
something that they don't want, or they don't
need, that is harmful for them, then it's
that the memes itself is not a problem.
It's just what you do with it, which
is an issue.
I think some people have an issue that
they think that it's some kind of hypnotism,
or it's some kind of jinn, or it's
some kind of sorcery, or bewitching somebody.
It's not.
But it does sound close to it.
That's why I said in the middle, So,
an example, then he says, Necessary conversation of
this kind has absolutely no detrimental effect on
the heart.
The heart does not darken the slightest bit
by necessary talk.
Necessary, not mubah, but necessary.
The illustrious Gnostics have found that even a
full day spent in necessary talk would not
adversely affect the heart.
They've actually tried and tested it, and oh,
my heart has not changed.
An auctioneer can spend the entire day in
selling by means of talking.
He has to 20, 20, 20, 25, 25,
25, good, you know.
You wonder if they do that at night,
when they're asleep, because they're so used to
it, right?
But such talk will not darken the heart,
one iota, because such talk is necessary.
On the other hand, a single statement spoken
unnecessarily will darken the heart.
I remember when I was studying in Syria,
I used to have to go through the
souk Hamidiyya, which is the main souk, very
classical old covered souk, you had to go
through that.
That was the shortest way from where the
taxi dropped you off to get to Jamil
Umawi.
And there's this guy on the right-hand
side towards the end and he used to,
I don't know what he said, there was
this expression all day, you would be selling
these clothes, and there's this expression, everybody knew
him in the market for making that statement.
I don't even, I can't remember, but it's
like all day long he is making that
expression, all day long.
I don't know what he's saying, it's this
weird word, just keep saying it.
Some people do that to kind of become
known and associate themselves with a certain product.
I don't know if that's detrimental or what,
because he's literally saying that for 10 hours
a day, there's no purpose behind it, like
at least in a auction, there's a response
and there's a reaction and so on.
Here this is literally just saying, like the
barking of a dog.
Now instead of that, as we've said before,
we just said, but
I'm not going to say what he's doing
is haram either because that's his way of
attracting people.
There's so many shops, so rather than having
all of these touts that go out and
try to push you in, like right now
in Saudi, compared to 10 years ago, even
10 years ago, the perfume shops have just
exploded, just like in England, dessert places have
exploded, where there used to be three or
four companies, main companies before, three, four, five
maximum, now there's like 30 companies, every second
or third shop is a perfume shop, because
this is all luxury, people have lots of
money, that's why they're able to, and what
happens is that as you're going past these
places, the touts from inside, they literally stand
in the middle and they shove perfume into
your hand or into your mouth, in your
face, and even if they don't get it,
that you don't have time, so they'll follow
you and they'll say, just try it, it's
for free, take this at least, and the
problem is that it creates a bit of
a religious conundrum, because you shouldn't refuse perfume,
and you go past there five times a
day, they'll do the same thing, because they
don't know who's going past, who's not, because
they're just doing it to everybody, now that's
why I think that there's a bit of
a hassle in that, because you're hassling people,
you're doing Isha'at, you're definitely doing Isha
'at, you're coming in people's way, so at
least this guy is not doing that, he's
just attracting your attention, you can just ignore
that the Sharia's prescription for reducing speech does
not mean sealing the mouth completely, otherwise Allah
wouldn't have given us a mouth, but it
envisages that the tongue be kept occupied with
the recitation of the majestic Quran, or with
remembrance of Allah most high, in this way
the struggle to reduce speech would be more
beneficial, meaning if you, a lot of people
have to say something, you know, a lot
of people have to say something, so Allah
says, or what the book says is, have
a replacement, say something good, that way, so
there's somebody I know who's really really big,
and he used to eat a lot, lots,
and then finally what happened is that the
doctors warned him that if he doesn't do
something about it, he's going to have to
have a liver, he's going to have to
go on that blood renewal, dialysis, so then
what he did was he got his stomach
tied, so now he can't eat much, but
psychologically he still has to have something coming
through, so you know what he does now,
he has like 20 cups of tea a
day, drink tea, just keeps drinking, I have
to, psychologically I'm just so used to putting
something down, I can't do food anymore, there
has to be drink, so sometimes it becomes
a psychological habit, you have to keep that
somehow, that's why he's saying that if it's
a psychological habit that you like talking too
much, and some people do, they just have
to find better things to talk about, I've
sat with different ulama, different awliya, different ulama,
and some are very silent, they don't do
small talk, there's others, mashallah, I remember I
travelled with somebody who's a khalifa or someone
else from I think it was London, a
conference too, up north, for the three and
a half, four hours, he kept us entertained
with anecdotes, religious anecdotes, some people can do
that, they give you lots of, but that's
just their way of the gift of the
gab, alhamdulillah, at least they're not wasting time
saying other stuff, it's religious banter, you could
say, that's an absolute, yeah, the opposite, yeah
Sufi Sahib is qaleel, qaleel ul kalam, when
you get him started he can, but he's
not, that's just because he likes to share,
he's not a talkative person usually, he's not
somebody who just go on about stuff, there's
some people they can't help going on, they
have to talk, and some people I don't
know how they do it, they can literally
start a conversation and continue a conversation with
anybody, with anybody, for, with a newcomer, for
half an hour, no problem, or more, I
can't do that, you have to find a
common goal, you struggle sometimes, there's a good
and bad of everything, anyway, in this way
the struggle to reduce speech will be most
beneficial, by means of this struggle the tongue
remains detached from sin, the habit of nonsensical
discussion is reduced or eliminated, and along with
it limitless spiritual rewards are obtained, by constantly
engaging the tongue in remembrance such benefits are
reaped, which are unobtainable by remaining silent, so
he gives us an amazing, now he says
what is the remedy of speaking too much,
prior to speaking ponder for a few moments,
it's very difficult, prior to speaking, speaking, think
for a few minutes, it's so difficult, as
people just speak spontaneously, if you're used to
speaking, endeavor to understand whether Allah most high,
who is the hearing and seeing, will be
pleased or displeased with what you're about to
say, so if you find that difficult, the
only way you can sort this out is
after you've spoken, then at least regret it,
and introspect, slowly, slowly, if we do that
each time that we've gone overboard, then that
will actually help us retrospectively actually control ourselves
before speaking, because it's very difficult to start
before speaking, unless we reflect over it after
speaking too much, each time, if this method
of contemplation is adopted before speaking, and then
the lower self urges one to indulge in
sinful or nonsensical talk, confront it with courage
and suppress the urge, a lot of the
time I will say I can say this,
I've got lots to say, but I'm not
going to say because I don't think there's
a benefit in saying it, I can't see
how it's going to help somebody, I think
it's just going to spark off a bigger
discussion, which I don't want to get into,
so that's something else that you can think
about, is there benefit in what you're going
to say, you know a lot of the
time you can say things to act wise,
or to look wise, or to have a
wisecrack, or a joke, or make humour, or
make somebody laugh, sometimes you need to do
that, I think sometimes humans do do that,
it's just cut it down so that you
don't do it all the time, in Shamay
-e-Tirmidhi the Prophet ﷺ used to sit
with the Sahaba and reminisce over old times,
like yes this is what we used to
do, this is what we used to do,
it's okay to do that sometimes, because it's
a memory, you can contrast with that, where
we were, where we are now, or good
old days, but then I think there were
all these better days in it, because that
was a constant increase, for us a lot
of the time it's actually getting worse, like
those were the good days and now these
are the bad days, so you can do
reflective banter, not all banter is bad, the
main thing is we just have to see,
is this going to be justified or not,
am I going to be allowed that, I
was so bored, I just need to speak
about something just to refresh my mind, I
can get back to studies for example, if
the talk involves abuse or mockery of anyone
or scandalizing gossip about anybody, then after repenting
seek the pardon of the person concerned as
well, so now this same person this morning
asked the question, that I'm sitting in a
gathering, somebody makes a little joke, seemingly harmless
or whatever, of somebody else, that guy doesn't
like it, but it's so funny, I can't
help laughing, what do I do in that
sense, so number one, if you can't help
laughing and you've laughed, you can't control yourself,
so I said well just tell him I'm
really sorry, I didn't need to laugh, you
know, I'm really sorry, it was just so
funny, but I didn't need to laugh, but
then he didn't want to, he didn't want
to do that, because I think it was
just too much effort or whatever, so well
that's fine, I just went to the ER
office, sort it out, and well they just
sort it out now, right, sometimes that happens,
you might have said something or somebody may
have said something, it just, you know, it's
best just to say really sorry, right, you
know, I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to
laugh, but it was just so, and hopefully
he sees that, he might turn around and
say no, why did you laugh for, please
forgive me, you can only do so much,
right, but it's better than trying to have
to deal with in the hereafter.
If for some reason it's difficult to obtain
the necessary pardon, example a person concerned may
be away or may have died, then seek
Allah's forgiveness for the person concerned as well
as for oneself.
Another thing is that if you think that
seeking pardon is just going to make it
worse, and in that case it's the same
answer here as well, instead of that ask
Allah for forgiveness for the person concerned as
well as for oneself, such forgiveness could be
asked in the following way, oh Allah forgive
us and forgive him, our master Shaykh Fariduddin
Attar, may Allah have mercy on him, explained
most beautifully, perfectly and comprehensively the benefits of
maintaining silence, he said nothing nobler than silence
enters my mind, but does silence enter the
mind, it's almost like it's constantly talking but
then silence enters it, shouldn't it be silent
by default and something else comes in, since
silence contains so many benefits that they cannot
be explained, silence makes * the treasure house
of pearls of wisdom, because when you're silent
you think more, because your mind has to
be active, if we expend it in saying
something which is usually going to be just
redundant talk, then we have lost that opportunity,
rather if you stay silent and you observe
and you reflect, hopefully if you reflect in
the right way, then many wisdoms will come
to the fore, I learned this hidden secret
from the oyster shell he said, a drop
of water enclosed in the oyster shell is
transformed into a pearl, because it remains enclosed,
it's not used or whatever, so then it
just turns into that's what he's saying, similarly
a man's breast becomes a treasure house for
pearls of wisdom by means of closing his
lips, that doesn't mean you don't say anything
at all, so with that ends that chapter,
the next one is the section on how
to eat less, may Allah make that easy
as well, the point of a lecture is
to encourage people to act, to get further,
an inspiration, an encouragement, persuasion, the next step
is to actually start learning seriously, to read
books, to take on a subject of Islam
and to understand all the subjects of Islam
at least at their basic level, so that
we can become more aware of what our
deen wants from us, and that's why we
started Rayyan courses, so that you can actually
take organized lectures on demand whenever you have
free time, especially for example the Islamic essentials
course that we have on there, the Islamic
essentials certificate, which you take 20 short modules
and at the end of that inshallah you
will have gotten the basics of most of
the most important topics in Islam, and you'll
feel a lot more confident, you don't have
to leave lectures behind, you can continue to
listen to lectures, but you need to have
this more sustained study as well, jazakallah khair,
assalamu alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh, the point of a
lecture is to encourage people to act, to
get further, an inspiration, an encouragement, persuasion, the
next step is to actually start learning, so
that we can become more aware of what
our deen wants from us, and that's why
we started Rayyan courses, so that you can
actually take organized lectures on demand whenever you
have free time, especially for example the Islamic
essentials course that we have on there, the
end of that inshallah you will have gotten
the basics of most of the most important
topics in Islam, and you'll feel a lot
more confident, you don't have to leave lectures
behind, you can continue to listen to lectures,
but you need to have this more sustained
study as well, jazakallah khair, assalamu alaikum warahmatullahi
wabarakatuh