Abdur Rahman ibn Yusuf Mangera – Do you really love your children more than your wife
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Bismillah
ar fi
Bismillah AR Rahman AR Rahim hamdulillah
Al Hamdulillah Rob Benard Amin or salatu salam ala Sayidina Muhammad
wa ala alihi wa sahbihi wa seldom at the Sleeman kefir on Eli Yomi.
Dean, I'm
calling the BU sallallahu alayhi wa sallam called Allah with a
lotta Kota Allah for the Quran and Machida will Furqan Hamid or bene
Hublin I mean as Virgina with the Tina Kurata Aryan wage earner
mustafina, Ema Bacala, Terada Hoonah reversal locum onetoone
Lieberson la Hoon. So, the kala WinAVI
first and foremost
I believe this dua of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam
actually it is dua which has mentioned the Quran
Robina habla as well Gina was a real Tina Kurata Aryan where Jana,
Tina Imam, it tells us a number of things. It's a Quranic dua. So
it's not, it's very comprehensive. It's a Quranic dua that is very
comprehensive. Allah subhana wa Tada says, in there that this is
our door of a prophet have been a hub learner, our Lord Hublin I
mean, as far as you know, with reality now give us from our
spouses, and from our progeny, our descendants
Kurata
something that will gladden our eyes. Of course, the person who's
going to be making this door
is going to be somebody who wants
something which gladdens the eyes in a spiritual sense. It's such a
comprehensive, though it's such a short door, but so comprehensive
that everything has been taken into consideration here, because
the prophetic dua it's a prophet's to other Allah subhanaw taala is
quoting here. So Oh our Lord.
So he starts off with Rob bene our Lord, as opposed to just Oh Allah,
it's a very specific term, Rob. Because the reason the word Rob is
used to the name, Rob, from Bula mean is because the word Rob comes
from tarbiyah. And what you're asking for here, or what is being
asked for here, is also about tarbiyah. tarbiyah means to bring
something up stage by stage while looking after its all its
interests and needs, and concerns. And everything for each of those
stages. And too rare it bring it up slowly, slowly to look after,
whether that be a plant from its seed stage up, or whether it be a
human being, which is obviously a lot more complex. So we're saying,
Oh our Lord, oh, the one in whose hands is all tarbiyah. So first
and foremost, it's a prophetic dua they using the absolute right
terms to invoke that that mercy that is going to come through the
therapy I could have said, Yeah, Allah.
But in this case, it Robina our Lord. So you're our Lord, all of
our Lord. So we confessing that you have given us your you are our
moral be You are our Lord, and you're the one who looks after us.
Habla give us
mean, as far as you know, from our spouses. So now this works again,
in both ways, the wife can make it because the husband, his or her
spouse. So the word is generally that's used as much as word comes
from the word xojo xojo. I mean, in a sense, it just means a
partner, it means you're your partner, your double, in a sense.
So from ours word, somebody has more than one wife, somebody has
had more than one wife, in the sense that one died and another
one or wife lost her husband, and we've got another one, as well
Gina, so give us from our spouses, and not just our children is not
our lad, but the reality. Now such a powerful dua, the RIA means
descendants and that is until they have judgments. So, if this die is
accepted, not only are you protected, and not only are your
eyes gladdened, just from your immediate but on the Day of
Judgment, when you look at inshallah your entire progeny,
your children and their children and grandchildren, so on and so
forth. And you mentioned how long long, and how vast and how spread
out the progeny may be, but I've been a hub learner when as Virgina
was the RIA Tina and from our descendants, what do you give us?
Again, a very comprehensive term Kurata Aryan.
Cora, me means coolness, gladness, delight. That's Cora.
Tian of the eyes. So when I look I am satisfied.
It both physically a hula can in terms of their achievements, in
terms of their mindset, in terms of what they think in terms of
what they want their goals, the way they respect me the way they
deal with others. It is such a comprehensive goal.
And don't just give that to me for my own immediate children. But
forever in in my entire descendants. So fortunate is the
one who made this door and that door was accepted. Because then he
sorted for the rest
and gladness of the eyes. It was an okay make there's another two
arbitral nirmohi masala tea we're in Rio Tina, or Bucha I'll name
Okay, masala Diomedes good. Reethi that's another word. She's more
specific. Oh Allah make me of those who established the prayer.
And from among my,
the rear, again, from my descendants that specifically was
solid, which is very important. This one is more general just
making the coolness of my eyes. Now some of you might be thinking,
well, for some people, the coolness of their eyes is that the
sons or daughters or their children go and gain some other
kind of achievement which may be haram or wrong, just because they
see that like become a major movie star, Hollywood, you know,
sensation for some people. That's what it is. That's what they want
their children to be listening to acting school and music classes
and so on so forth. So that's Kurata art, you know, but you
think such a person who has those kinds of intentions is going to
make this dua with understanding. Ask Allah subhanaw taala I think
he's going to his head is screwed right on right or not? Right. So
generally the Tofik to make such a door, you have to remember when
you make the eyes from Tofik, from Allah subhanaw taala in the first
place.
So if we can't make dua for us, our own selves, our own survival
in terms of our Imani survival, then it means that
Allah subhanho wa Taala may not be very happy with us. So the fact
that we can even make a dua in the first place means we have tofield
and that is to be thanked Allah, Allah subhanaw taala should be
thanked for that. Because when you thank Him, He gives you more.
That's why even though I thought in like this country, Rahim,
Allah, he says that, you know, when you're able to do some kind
of worship, I don't think I mean, he says it in a very eloquent way
in one of his aphorisms, but essentially saying that don't
think you're doing Allah a favor. Because at the end of the day,
just for you to be able to even do a good deed is Allah has favor
upon you. So don't worry about the reward that you might get after
because sometimes you do something. He says, sometimes you
make a DUA, and you don't get you don't get a response straightaway.
So you start thinking that you're at loss, he says that the fact
that you are even able to make dua is in itself, the fact that Allah
has turned his attention to you, because otherwise you won't even
be able to make dua.
So the fact that we can even make do is such a big deal. So that's a
very comprehensive dawn, I think he needs to be part of our daily
to us Robina habla and I mean, as far as you know how to react in a
Kurata you just make them the gladness of our eyes.
And which I know you mattina, Ema and make us all Imams leaders,
guides show us of the path for those who are booked a team.
Now you think you're still a person who wants to become a haram
sensation of some sort or their children to be some kind of haram
achievement, you think they're going to make this dua
if they do make this will be sorted out.
They've got some Tofig if they make this dua because at the end,
you're saying, oh, Allah make us the guides, meaning not just me,
but my as watch, except us all for the service of your deen, we're
saying that, and all my generation, so that they become
the guides for the talkin for those who do talk about guides,
obviously, to goodness, not guys to mislead them, right, which
would be a negative reading of it. So it's a very powerful door,
extremely the nuances in there just amazing when you think about
it for a moment. So that's basically I think, the focus of
this, if that's our dua we need to we need to then try to bring that
in our life of how we do this. And of course, for that there are
practical steps to take, you can't just make this into a right and
not do anything. So in terms of the practical steps, I guess, you
know, let's discuss a few things, not in any particular kind of
order, just kind of random. First and foremost, I think
all of this needs to needs to really happen. And you know, if we
made a mistake in this, then we can still ask Allah to help us
rectify, but this needs to happen before we get married. So
essentially the choice of partner, you know whether this is for a
woman looking for a husband, husband looking for a wife, it
needs to be it needs to happen first that you need to have your
priorities right. So it needs to be some sense of maturity as to
what you really want in your life. And I think everybody needs to sit
down because marriage is a major undertaking.
Big, it's a big, you know, it's a big milestone in your life. It's a
big changing moment, people don't get married arbitrarily,
especially nowadays, before marriage was very easy, but
especially today, but it was very easy to dissolute a marriage and
get married again, and get married to two, three or four. Right? So
that was a different situation, our time is very different, you
have to make one choice. But for that you need maturity. And
obviously, once you have maturity, then you realize, okay, this is
what I want. So you find somebody who's suitable Alhamdulillah,
those cultures who don't have this forced marriage aspect, they're
very, very fortunate, we must thank Allah subhanaw taala.
Otherwise, there are people who are not very Islamic. They're not
very religious, but they're very cultural. And I'd like to say that
those who are in this, and who are leaving their religion, because
they think that they're forced marriage to their cousins back
home in Pakistan. Right? And insistence on that I get, I mean,
I'm getting calls or emails nearly once, one every two weeks about
this, that there's some massive problem like that, because the
parents are insisting that their child, their son or daughter, they
will blackmail them, they'll emotionally blackmail them, or
they will actually threaten them. They'll do all sorts of things.
They'll threaten them with excommunication. Now, generally,
it happens with girls, but it's happened with boys is the guy who
called me up just a few days ago, you know what he said? He said
that my parents, they blackmailed me, or, I don't know, deceive me,
I can't remember the words you use to get married to this cousin at
home, okay, I went through there at that time, for whatever reason,
I went there, and now I'm here. And I just couldn't get along.
I just could not get along. So then they said that, they said
that if you don't get along with her, then you can't be with her.
Sorry, you can't come back into the house. They thought that if
they throw me out of the house, then I'll realize and I'll come
back in, I've been outside my house for two years, meaning I've
lived separately now away from my wife, the one who I'm married to,
and my parents, they haven't spoken to me in two years.
Finally, I was feeling really, really bad that I need to try to
get them to understand. So I got an uncle involved, he managed to
make a meeting with my parents, I went back to my parents. And, you
know, even after two years, they were unrelenting. They were
unforgiving. The condition was that you have to stay with her.
Otherwise, you you will stay outside, not a change even in two
years just because of culture. Just because of that, if we don't
have that in our culture, which we don't hamdulillah right, that is
really a blessing of Allah subhanaw taala. Because Can you
imagine the agony it's not even religious. And there are people
who are losing their Deen over this, they will leave Islam
because of this situation, because they think this is Islamic. And
their parents are doing it because it's Islam. And it used to be
really clarified.
So first and foremost, maturity is real, is required to know what
you're getting into what you want, and then make an appropriate
choice with us while asking ALLAH SubhanA wa Tada is the hara, and
asking Allah subhanaw taala just making dua because that's a very
important choice.
And
once
that happens, I mean, of course, Allah Subhan, the Prophet
sallallahu has guided us in that regard that there's, you know,
reasons why you would choose a partner, you choose a spouse.
For the men, the personal lesson said, you will choose a wife
either for the the beauty, the family lineage, and the other one
was her wealth. But then he said, that makes sure you are successful
with the dean, which, again, the way he says it doesn't preclude
the fact that you could also get married to somebody because
they're beautiful, but they have the dean, or because they're from
a good family. Being from a good family. And ancestry is actually a
good thing. It's not something to overlook, because generally these
kind of people come with lofty ideals, high ambitions, good luck
and character. So it's a good thing.
In fact, I think it's even more important than beauty because
beauty definitely is not going to be necessarily passed on to you
understand, it doesn't have to be passed on. It's not something
that's transitive. It's not something and it's eventually
something that can disappear, but of luck. They are more enduring,
and they are passed on, and they have greater benefit. Right?
What's the point of having a wife that everybody wants to look at?
Right? And be jealous about? What's the point of that? I mean,
what kind of immortal thought is that, but for your own self, and
to have all of these things so one mustn't think that we shouldn't
look at these other aspects, but make sure you're successful with
that one. Once you've got done and then you've got as many of the
others and Hamdulillah that that's what it is. So once that
discussion is done, now, once you have husband and wife, generally
the some of the issues that come up and there are many issues and
you can
We take this for many, many angles. But with the shortness of
the time that we have, we're just going to cover a few things. One,
that some of the biggest problems that come about is, the previous
friends that a person has had buddies, just, you know, friends
that these generally wanting to go out with. And now he thinks is
going to be the same thing, even after marriage, that I can still
go out as many days as I've been going out. And I don't have to
make any change, she'll just have to learn to live with it.
Sometimes you've got that from the women's side as well, she wants to
be you know, whether she's going out or whether she's on, you know,
some internet means or through WhatsApp or whatever the case is
that I'm not going to make any decrease whatsoever. And that's
just, you know, you're you're asking for disaster, there needs
to be a change that's made, you don't have to necessarily give up
everything, it's not to say that you become a totally separate
unit. And thus, you know, you leave all your friends in that,
but the friends need to understand as well, I get so many calls from
people, and emails, etc. Where the complaint is that he's just out
with his friends all the time. And he expects me just to live with
that. And that is totally wrong. And you will be asked for that, on
the day of judgment, because you've taken a responsibility.
Both have taken that responsibility. Having said that,
each of the spouses need to understand that you can't be so
possessive. That is only you to exist in the world, and nobody
else does. Right? That's kind of an overabundance, okay, the
initial romance period, maybe it's fine during that time. But
afterwards, you must understand that you have to live a life.
we're social creatures, we have responsibilities, we've got
relatives and friends and neighbors community and things
need to happen. So you do have to go and visit. And you do have to
do that. So there needs to be a balance in that regard, as well.
And
since sensitivity, you have to be sensitive about the other person's
needs, but not overly sensitive that you take everything, you take
everything to be an affront against you. And generally women
have a greater problem with that with the emotional issues that
they go through and the ups and downs that they go through,
especially through PMT. So for the men, and I'm speaking to men here,
that's why I mentioned this, what we have to realize is that we have
to see these patterns, we have to realize these patterns, that okay,
there's going to be a time that generally when she's when when
there seems to be a short circuit, it seems to be the time of the
month, and there are certain vitamins D etc, that they can take
and they should be encouraged to take them because it does help to
regulate. So there are cures out there, right to do this and they
should be used otherwise, what happens is generally a person a
woman is a for men, a woman is a very strange creature. And women
cannot understand men, they are different creatures as well. And
once you start understanding that we're not the same, and you have
to realize it's a fallacy to say they were the same were very
different. Right? Then you will start recognizing you'll be able
to overcome things because then you won't take it personally, when
the wife will say something weird or out of place or be a bit more
snappier than normal or emotional. As you know, the normal. You start
realizing Okay, yeah, you know, it's alright, you know, you're
gonna be it's your time in the month. Don't say that to ever say
that after two days, and then she'll probably apologize as well.
And she will probably realize as well. But this is the this is a
starting point where she can will use this to aggravate the
situation and make it into something that is then
irresolvable afterwards. So the way it starts is that, okay,
you've got this emotional stress, maybe the husband came home for
work or whatever, he said something silly, the way he did
this, and, you know, during a month, you know, sometime in the
month or whatever, and now you take it so personally that you
stopped talking to her, now you start getting angry as well, then
of course, she's going to do the same thing. He's going to do the
same thing. And then it becomes to such a degree that it becomes, it
becomes such a mountain that it becomes very difficult to deal
with. So one of the wisdoms one of the wisdoms in not allowing any
problem to fester maximum for more than three days. The wisdom is
that the more you leave it, the more solidified it becomes, the
more difficult it becomes to reconcile afterwards. Because it
just becomes harder and harder. And number two, you start getting
used to it. See, initially, you broken up with somebody the first
day you feel really bad, you know, you're either angry, right? So
you're in anger, but you can still rectify it, because it's still
fresh. There's still the previous love and friendship and
understanding that there the bond is still there. But once you get
beyond three days, you become mature in that and then what
happens is you start learning how to deal with it, how to deal with
the separation. So it becomes more difficult to get back together now
because you become more independent. So now that the three
days is actually related to people in general, with just
sidetracking here with your family, your blood relatives, you
can't even do that for more than a day.
Do you understand because that's more crucial relationship. So, the
best person is the one who starts with salaam,
the one who's able to look at this in a wise way and say, okay, you
know, let's forgive. Now, of course, if somebody is always
doing that, they're always, you know, getting on your nerves, and
whatever the case is, and there's always something, then you need to
either have a good chat and discussion and a frank discussion,
and try to resolve it that way. And if that doesn't work, then
sometimes you do have to use as Allah subhanaw taala says in the
Quran, separate the bedding, which means to ignore them for a while.
And that can happen on both sides. Because sometimes the husband's
problem as well. I mean, separating the bedding is a quite
a difficult thing to do when you sleep on the other side of the
bed. Right? You know, sleeping in another room is difficult, but
it's even okay, you're you stay on that side of the bed. Today, I'm
going to stay on this side of the PEEP within husband and wives,
they it's such as close bond that you can tell when the other one is
upset.
It's just such a close bond. If you can't, then you got a problem.
Right? It is such a close bond that you can tell somebody's upset
just like that. Right. But the main thing is you have to try to
rectify Okay, sometimes, you know, you can keep it going for a while
just for Islam. But be careful how you do that, because you don't
want to drag it on for too long, because then the huts become more
distant.
Why this is so important. You see another challenge here is that
when you start having children, and this is more of a challenge
for women, for men, wives had the child you know, you've got a
child, no big deal. You know, although I've heard people when
I've traveled with them, and the calling homes I'm messing around
with him. So like you can't you've missed your wife so much, you
know, you have to call alright. So he says, no, no, it's not my wife,
I'm missing my children.
I think
I feel sorry for you. You know, I miss my wife. What's wrong with
you? Why do you have to? Like? Are you saying this? I mean, are you
lying to me? Or is that genuine? If this genuine, I feel sorry for
you, as though the wife is irrelevant, she's just a carry of
babies, I've got my children, that's what I'm worried about. We
shouldn't make that statement. Because psychologically, then
that's what you become influenced by.
Studies are now showing studies are now showing more than studies
that the husband and wife should invest more time in each other
than they do in their children.
To tell the truth in Islam, the discussion we have about husband
and wife relationship and how Allah has described to whom the
boss will look more into believers to Luna, and this closeness and
all the rest of it. Right? That that has been described, you don't
get that same thing for parent children relation that the
discussion in Sharia generally is tarbiyah.
But the love understanding affection, you'll see you don't
love your children, you're going to have television, that's just
natural. But the investment should be more made with spouses. Because
if that's the those are, that's the that's the factor of the of
the household, they are the main pegs of the house of the family.
If they are if they are healthy, if that relationship is happy, and
healthy, then it will flow to the children. Children are very, very
sensitive in this regard, they can recognize when these things are
happening.
Right. So
if that's
what happens after having children is that for men generally doesn't
make too much of a difference. But for the women, they become
overwhelmed, they turn off.
They turn off, you know, their desire for sexual * even
decreases. In a sense, they become so emotionally invested in this.
And that's totally wrong. Because part of the relationship of the
part of the responsibilities of woman is that she be available.
Right for this. And
I know I'm mentioning this to men here, but it's important for us to
know this, just so that if you're dealing with somebody, you can
actually explain that to them as well. Sometimes you wake up in the
morning, mothers will wake up in the morning, they have to take the
children out to the school, you don't feel like it. It's cold. I
feel like getting up too early. I wish it's Sunday I can sleep in.
But you still get up because you know you have to do it. It's a
responsibility. And once you get up, and once they get up and once
they start, are they going to act grumpy ALL THE WAY while they're
taking the children to school? Right, just because they didn't
feel like it in the beginning. Do you understand? Once you've once
you've overcome that initial stage, you know, it's an
obligation. It's a social obligation to go to school in a
sense, right? So they do it eventually. The same thing with
this. The same thing with this
Now what men are guilty of in these cases, sometimes they're so
invested in their friends and work and so on, they have no time for
their wives as well. So there is sometimes it's an issue from the
husband side as well. Generally, though, after children, sometimes
the wife gets kind of turned off for whatever reason. And again,
you have to have a decent discussion I'm trying to explain.
And then if, if that discussion is enough, there's obviously lectures
about these things, or them I have given you can you can use those.
Another thing is,
when it's just husband and wife,
then there's only two people in the equation, it's a bit easier to
deal with you cause some confusion when there's a third person.
Now, if you if it can't be helped, and all parties are fine with the
setup of having a third or fourth and fifth and sixth grade people
in centrally living with in laws, then again, then that needs to be
dealt with in in that kind of a way.
The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. His example of when he
came into Madina, Munawwara was quite beautiful, he did three
things. And I think we can use these three things in a number of
different situations. He came from a karma karma to Madina Munawwara
and the first three things he did was he did Morehart he created a
bond, he spoke about silica ROM, he spoke about
brotherly love, he spoke about friendship, he spoke about
fulfilling the needs of each other.
Right? Why you had the mohajir in coming in, into the unsolved, they
were the new
immigrants, they were going to be staying there had to be some
relationship to to destroy because the Olsen husbands were fighting
with each other. Before the price, there are some rich Madina
Munawwara for Allah Verbena Kulu be him Allah subhanaw taala,
because there has to come together will probably Salallahu Salam. Now
you had these two fighting factions within Madina Munawwara.
Now you had this third group that's coming in. So now he had to
create more hearts, friendship and harmony. So the first thing he did
was more thoughts. Another thing he did was, he did Aymara.
And remodel means he started the project of building the Master.
What that did was that occupied everybody in a, in a communal, in
a communal need, in a need for the whole society. So they're all in
the process of somebody's carrying, you know, and helping
out and everybody's helping out. So this became something that
everybody is involved in, which means that you can apply this in
whatever situation you're in. Number three, which is very
important. I'll explain its application later, there were Jews
living there. So what did he do? He made a treaty with them, that
will defend you and you defend us, because it was important to reach
out and build that bridge, because otherwise there'd be an internal
another internal problem. So now, if you take these three things
that Russell also did, one was building something, as a communal,
as a community exercise, everybody is involved in it. Number two,
creating a bond harmony, and number three, creating bridges and
making some agreements and deals and pacts as to where you know,
people can be friendly with each other and assist each other and
not not be at war with each other and defend each other. So
likewise, you come into this new household. So firstly, you have to
create the harmony. Number two, you have to obviously create
harmony or build bridges with possible potential problems, which
are in laws. So somehow you have to win them over. That's a
difficult thing to do sometimes, but sometimes you have to win them
over, right to be able to deal with this. And number three, get
occupied and doing something together. Because when a husband
has his own project, and the wife has her own projects, then it
becomes a bit more difficult if you can be on a common theme. And
both have the same. That's why it's very important to have that
mature, look at who you're going to get married to first as to do
they share the same kind of values. That is very important.
Because then after genetic, you can have common goals. Once you
have children, you get them involved as well. Of course, if
you have in laws living around, get them involved at some level or
the other. I know it's very easy said than done. But at least we
have this idea. And this, you know this theme in our mind, it'll be
easier to be able to deal with this thing.
Don't let external influences take you away from your spouse.
external influences is either in loss or parents. Their story that
I mentioned some time before maybe in July, I can't remember where a
mom used to always take her daughter side whenever she would
complain. The mums always do that. One day the mum when she when her
daughter complained about her husband, she says you know what, I
don't want to speak to you about this anymore.
because
the love that you have or the bond that you have with this man, my
son in law, I don't have, I'm looking at it as a third person,
you know, when somebody does something to you, right, let's say
somebody did something to two of us, but he's closer to one person
than the other, both of us will react differently. Because of we
react to people according to what our previous connection with them
had been. And we are able to forgive and forget and overlook,
if we've had some kind of bond with them before because that
loves, then you will eventually come back and prevail. So your
relationship, you guys sleep together, you guys share many
things together, I want you to deal with it yourself. When she
started dealing with it, dealing with it herself, she realized that
she was able to get further because she wasn't taking outside
external influence. So that's one thing. Number two friends, which I
already alluded to before, don't let your friends break your
marriage, be conscious of that, especially if you're a person who
is a follower, and not a leader. Because that's the people who will
generally because their friends will take them out, you have to
come with us make you feel bad. You know, you have to come and
watch football with us, you have to come and do this with us, you
ever come do this with us and everyday is out and SubhanAllah.
Another thing which is very
uncommon in our communities, is to tell the wife, she must have some
friends and family. Right? I'm not saying it's uncommon, actually,
actually, it's quite common.
There's some days of the week sometimes where the wife has to go
if they especially if they live locally, right to the in law's
house and to her father's house or her mother's house. And the
husband, which is sitting at home with some you know, with some
stale food, right? Because he doesn't want to go there, they
invite him but he doesn't want to go there.
Right? Why he doesn't want to go there, obviously, as his reasons.
So sometimes what happens once a week, that's the case, so then he
has to look for alternative means to do something.
But sometimes that's not the case. Because sometimes if your in laws
are not local, I mean, there's the good and bad of having in laws
locally. The good thing is that you've got somebody to put your
kids when you need to go out. And the bad thing is that sometimes
they interfere a bit too much. Right, which which is unfortunate.
But the main thing is that if let sometimes look after the children,
so that the children so that your wife can actually go and do
something good for ones,
much of the complaint that women have on why they juggle, is
because they don't get the option to come to the for a program.
Because they have to always look after the children and the husband
is not willing to let them go. Just as you have a spiritual need.
If you let your wife go to these places, and to learn something
more, hopefully she's going to come with a bit you know, as a as
a better person.
Much of the analog is if remember, if we try to teach our sometimes
we can't even teach our own children is better if it comes
from elsewhere. Likewise, with our own spouse, you've been trying for
a long time, let somebody else do it, let somebody else talk to him.
And let them deal with it. So give them some time like that. And not
just for Beyonce, or lectures or classes or whatever, but let them
go and sometimes have a old woman's night out in winning or go
to a friend's place or something out but you know, in at somebody's
house or something like that, unless they're already doing them,
you know, they're doing that few days a week, then you need to,
that's something that Allah help you with. Right? But
there's a
speaker,
once he
he's in his congregation is giving a lecture. And he said that, you
know, once I said to my wife
that,
you know, some of the best years of my life
was spent in the arms
of a woman who wasn't you.
He said that to his wife. Imagine saying that to your wife. Some of
the best years of my life, were those that were spent in the arms
of a woman.
The ears are going to pick up, everybody's ears are pricked up.
And then he says to everybody, he says, that was my mother.
Right? That was my mother.
So now this one clever guy from the congregation. He heard the
sheikh saying this joke. So he went home. He was in the kitchen.
Just couldn't wait. You couldn't wait to try this on his wife. So
he says
you know, some of the best years of my life they were spent in the
arms of another woman.
And then after that he couldn't remember what to say next.
He forgot in his excitement
Then, the next morning he woke the next minute he essentially the
next time he wakes up, he's in hospital.
The wrong place to do it in the kitchen. I mean, can you imagine?
So
I mean, another joke. Guy says to his wife, you need to learn how to
embrace your mistakes, because she just can't show up.
Right? She just goes on and on and on. She just can't, you know, you
have to learn to embrace your mistakes. So then she grabs him,
hugs him.
My biggest mistake,
but these are all you see, when I see some of these jokes, I don't I
don't get them.
Because when you have a hamdulillah when you have a
healthy relationship, you wonder what kind of a tormenting
relationship must people be in? Or is this just like some kind of
false propaganda about husband wife relationships, but to tell
the truth with some of the questions that I get, then it
reinforces in me that no, there are problems. Because when I see
some of these shows, I think like why do people hate their wife so
much? They shouldn't.
You know, you should love your wives.
But these jokes, they seem to be like that when they go flying
around and I get these jokes. I just delete them, like, make a big
difference to me. I don't get it. I sell hamdulillah to that. And I
think everybody should ask for that kind of a relationship, a
healthy, friendly relationship.
Even though I pass it on to you