Abdur Rahman ibn Yusuf Mangera – Can You Call Your Spouse Fat

Abdur Rahman ibn Yusuf Mangera
AI: Summary ©
The speakers discuss the struggles of people not confirming their weight and the potential consequences of it, including evil behavior. They suggest that people should consider their weight as a habit and that it is a "brousade." They also touch on the issue of "over and over again" and how it can lead to negative behavior. The speakers emphasize the importance of not reacting to negative comments and not changing one's partner.
AI: Transcript ©
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Bismillah R Rahman r Rahim, what we've seen is that

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there's obviously there's a lot of people outside who don't really

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care for their dignity, they swear. And there are certain

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industries in which people swear a lot. I've got a friend who's a

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Molana was very good religious person, very practicing

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individual, very decent individual. And he is a builder as

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a consequence, contractor. And he tells us that the people he's

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dealing with in our day to day basis, for some reason, I don't

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know if it's just to vent if it's just to I mean, if there's, if

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there's builders out there, they can tell us it I'm sure this is

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not all of them. But the ones that he's dealing with, or deals with

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often said they just all swear,

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right? Swearing is very normal for them. It's just crazy. What that

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does is when you're in that kind of very, you want to do the same,

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this is the big struggle not to swear.

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Now there are some people who don't do that, they they do not

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swear generally, they do not say bad things so much, you know, for

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to their friends, they may even seem like couldn't hurt a fly.

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Right? It may be even people like that. But for some reason, this is

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a complex, I've not understood it properly, maybe if somebody can

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explain they must, there has to be a psychology behind this. When

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they come it comes to the loved ones, they feel they can just

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unleash everything. It's almost like outside, they don't say

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anything to anyone. But when it comes, they just release it. And

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they don't know the harm they're creating. They don't know the harm

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that they're causing. Say I really genuinely because from seeing some

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of these people I really think they don't understand. Right? And

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then, for example, if it's their children, or their wife, for

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example, or if it's the husband, whatever it may be, let's just say

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that it's a man, right? And it's to his wife.

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They don't realize the hurts that they're causing. Because they

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think it's okay to say this, they become so used to it, that the

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taboo of it, the evil of it, the harm of it, the hurt of it is no

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longer there. It happens when you do something so much. I mean, the

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guy who killed 99 people, I mean, the famous Hadith, you know,

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everybody knows that honeysuckle, 99 people, and the person who went

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to try to get some redemption, He said, No, no, you can't be free.

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He kills him as well. Like, it's a big deal. Like, come on. I've

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already done I'm trying to get out of this. Let me stop. No, no, he

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goes and kills another one. Just so it shows you that it becomes a

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habit to do it really just shows it's a habit. So anybody who is in

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this state, right? They This is a habit.

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For example,

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here's a woman she's saying that husband, these are the words that

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he calls, these are literally her words, constant your fat.

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Now, look, she may be overweight, I don't know. Right? She may be

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overweight, but that doesn't mean you keep calling people you're fat

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for the sake of it. Is that going to make them thinner? Your fat is

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what children say.

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They shouldn't even say it.

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This is not an adult to call pillar your fat Come on, like

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often.

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It just beats me SubhanAllah. And I've heard children may have maybe

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a Altavilla. You know, maybe I said when I was young, you're fat.

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Like that's a child thing. Saying you're fat. You're an idiot. Okay,

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that's maybe a bit more adult, but still to keep calling something

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you're an idiot. And yet, you're supposed to love this person.

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You're supposed to be getting along, you're supposed to be

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producing children in the house. And you're calling that partner,

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you're an idiot. Over and over and over again. I can understand once

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you get frustrated, people will say things like this once in a

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while that could be tolerable. But as a normal thing, you're idiot,

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you're an idiot, like, you know, three times a day five times a

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day, or you're stupid. Constantly.

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You're a dog, he gets worse.

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Come on stupid. I can understand up to that someday. But you're a

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dog for what? Now, some of these guys, I know. You're not even

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Arabs. You know, for nerds. I say the worst way you're a dog. Right?

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Is saying this is become normal.

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And the problem is that it doesn't even see this wrong. This is the

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complex I was speaking about. This wife is saying that he doesn't

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even see it as a wrong. He says it's a joke. Man, you can't even

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take a joke. So you abuse first. And then you say it's just a joke

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when you should just take it as a joke. As an asset. I do not

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believe these people seriously. You know, I don't I believe

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they've just become deluded that they? I'm hoping that when I say

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these things, people will realize this in them.

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I may have done some of this stuff in the past. You know, it's for

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all of us to think about this. It's a joke. So how is a joke? Why

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are you getting hurt for it's not supposed to us? It's a joke.

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Then you're too sensitive. Because you can't take these things as a

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joke. You're too sensitive. Now you know what the worst part is?

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They may have got kids, right. So the kids have started picking up

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on this. And the son has stood started calling the mother fat and

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says

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Dad says it

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This is like SubhanAllah. I don't even know what to say about this.

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If you see your child perpetrating a wrong that you're doing you at

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least then you must realize that I'm really going overboard. It

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never says anything sweet. Now it's, it may be understood if

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somebody says a lot of good stuff and then says this thing when he

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gets angry, you know, I'm not saying that's acceptable, but he

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never says anything sweet.

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And if he does the way you're saying, I don't know how to react,

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because I'm not even sure if they're saying it. Honestly, with

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sincerity,

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it almost sounds that they may be saying it sarcastically, you know,

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you know what I've seen in many marriage cases.

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The distrust builds up. So anything, the husband will say to

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the wife, she's not going to listen. And anything the wife is

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going to say the husband is not going to listen, somebody else has

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to say.

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So if you are in that kind of a situation, in any situation like

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that, which is going on, you cannot change your husband, you

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cannot change your wife, you need to get somebody else to do it and

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get some intervention sooner than later. Otherwise, it's gonna get

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worse. Because the mistress is like anything you say, suspect,

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it's just not going to work. Unless there's a whole change of

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scene. It looks like I don't know if this is coming from the macho

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idea of men or something. Because it's like you saying that if I do

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say something nice to you, then it's a sign of weakness.

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That's the image is not a sign of weakness. Subhan Allah. That's the

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Prophet sallallahu sunnah was the bravest of men, the greatest of

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men. And he would speak fondly to his wives, and it's all there, or

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the words he would use the good things he would say I mentioned,

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thanks to the wives of the Prophet sallallahu sallam. And it's

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wonderful to hear so many ways that we got so many perspectives

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from them, when they reveal these things for us, and then he said

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some worse stuff. I'm not going to be nice to you, I'm not gonna go

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and do this, that and the other, whatever. Anyway, it goes on, it

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goes on, I don't need to carry on. There's a lot of people who

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especially during COVID times, maybe it's just aggravated it for

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some people. And I know I believe that a lot of these people are

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sincere, and they just don't realize in sha Allah what they're

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doing. And in sha Allah, if they hear this, you will make a

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difference. And they will change and they will start realizing the

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bad because you know, the difficulty of it is not just the

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fact that you're hurting a human being. You know, the robots are

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awesome said that if you remove for Roger and Macmillan Corbett

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and Faraj Allahu Anhu corbetta mean corabi Amil Tia, anybody who

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removes an agony, a difficulty

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or suffering some kind of challenge from a believer that

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Allah will remove from you one of the calamities or difficulties of

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the day of judgment on the Day of Judgment. So now if you're giving

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somebody difficulty, can you see how bad that is? And you know

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where this comes to the Prophet Allah Some said that sometimes a

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person utters a word la que lo que la barra. He doesn't consider it

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to be significant at all, dangerous or detriment at all. It

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doesn't think anything of it because he's become used to saying

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it. This is the problem with these cases, you've just become used to

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saying this, you for you, it's neutral. You've neutralized it in

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your mind, but it's hurting the other person. Everybody has

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dignity you have to remember that every human being has honor and

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dignity. And they will take this as an affront to their dignity.

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That's that's the thing you may think this is completely dignified

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to say this, but it's hurting the other person because it's, it's

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affecting their dignity.

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So the prophets Allah Some said that sometimes a person issues a

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word because we have this tendency to do that where we give no

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consideration to it and it will take a person, this much depth

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into the hellfire, like it will be a source of destruction. So this

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is why it's very important to consider these things that as a

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good human being as a decent human being, as a human being forget

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decent human as a human being, how we're supposed to be. People

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should not be using bad words. And if they do infrequently, then

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we're going to try to stop doing that. And if we're doing it

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frequently, then that's a no no. So we ask Allah subhanaw taala for

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Tofik We ask Allah to correct us We ask Allah subhanaw taala to

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only allow us to utter good things. Same thing with friends or

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anybody else. This is not banter. Some cultures are like this is one

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culture that you know, I've mixed with and even the decent people

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when they're talking to their servants or they go to fill up.

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It's a country where you when you go to fill up, you don't fill up

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yourself, they fill up for you. They just like so rough. It's just

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like this is just so rough. Like fill it up.

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Just like fill it up. i Come on, please. You know, you can pretend

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it is other ways of saying this.

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Like

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this new provider.

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It's just crazy. It's like surprise

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And it's everybody's doing it. It's just the way they speak.

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I guess it's not so bad if that's the way they speak but it's bad.

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It's not you need to heighten that that civilization, right?

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Okay, Allah Allah help us

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